1998 Issue 2 - The Heart of Anger - Counsel of Chalcedon

8/12/2019 1998 Issue 2 - The Heart of Anger - Counsel of Chalcedon

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Another tool I have

an authority to Paul's new David to make Solomon

mentioned previously is the

convert Onesimus (the

rather than Adonijah (1

appeal.

21

The process of

runaway slave) that he would Kings 1:11-27). Moses

making an appeal is one of

accept him back and transfer

appealed to the Lord

not

several biblical resources

his debt to Paul's own

destroy His people

as

He

whereby a child (or anyone

account (philemon 10:19).

intended (Ex. 32:9-14).

in a position

of

Abigail appealed to David Hezeldah appealed to

Go

subordination) may protect

not to take his own

extend his life beyond wh

himself from abusive or

vengeance on her foolish

the Lord originally inten

tyrannical authorities. t s a

husband Nabal 1 Sam.

(2 Kings 20:3).

balance to the principle of

25:18-35). Abraham

The Appeal

and the

submission to authority

appealed to the Lord not to

Law of

the

House

taught in the Bible. Time and

destroy Sodom should he

Back

in

chapter two, I

space will not permit

find ten righteous inhabitants

development of other

explained a concept calle

The Law of the

resources and balances

House. Parents, as in this book.

But

the

r e m e m e ~ are to

appeal has been included

develop a set of hou

because

it

is especially

rules specific to thei

effective in dealing with

home situation deriv

angry children.

from their most sinc

The Scriptures

(Gen. 18:22-33). Judah

and diligent attenda

contain a good number of

appealed to the second most

upon the Scriptures. Thes

appeals made by various

powerful man in all

of

Egypt

rules fall into two distinc

individuals in different ways

(his

yet

uurevealed brother

categories: Biblically

for many reasons. Various Joseph) to let Benjamin Directed Rules which

words are used in Scripture

return to his father Jacob lest

believing children will

to convey the concept of an

Jacob die of

a broken heart

always be obligated

to

appeal. Nehemiah appealed

(Gen 44: 18-34). Jethro

follow because they are

to King Artaxerxes that he

appealed to Moses that he

directives commanded b

might rebuild Judah (Neh.

might delegate some of his

God in Scripture (e.g. yo

2:1-8). Daniel appealed to

judicial responsibility to

may not

lie, you may

no

his commander uot to be

other qualified men (Ex.

steal, you may not take y

forced to defile himself with

18: 17-27). David appealed to

own revenge, etc.) and

King Nebuchadnezzar's food

King Saul to allow im to

Biblically

Derived

Rule

and wine (Dan. 1:8-21). Paul fight with Goliath

1

Sam. those which the parents

appealed to a higher

17:31-37). David later

develop based on biblica

authority, Caesar, when

appealed to Saul to stop

principles

in

order to

Festus asked him

if

he would

pursuing (with the intent to

facilitate their own

like to be tried in Jerusalem

kill) him 1 Sam. 26:17-20).

obedience to the comman

(Acts 25:6-12). Paul also

Bathsheba, with a bit of And, fathers, do not

appealed to a subordinate,

prompting from Nathan the

provoke your children to

Philemon, who was himself prophet, appealed to King

anger; but bring them up

10'i'

THECOUNSELof.Chalcedon AprillMay,

1998


2/6

the discipline and instruction

reasoning) that your child

Step 1. The instruction is

of

the Lord (Eph. 6:4).

believes you

as

his parent

properly 23 given by the

These house rules have

have not considered in

parent

been derived from Scripture

making a particular decision.

Step

2.

The instruction is

by you as a parent and your

Your child presents the new

properly acknowledged by

children ordinarily would not

information along with its

the child

be biblically obligated

to

biblical justification / Step

3.

A request

for

n

obey them. An example of a

benefits

Le.

why the Lord

appeal is properly made

by

biblically derived house rule

might be pleased with a

the child

would be: Because the

change of mind / decision)

Step 4. The appeal is

Bible says you must take

and without any further

care of your body 1 Cor.

pressure allows you to

properly acknowledged

by

6:19-20), and it is vain to

reevaluate your decision.

the parent

stay up late and rise early

This process allows parents


(psalm 127:2), you may not

to change their mind without

made as additional

stay up past 9:00 p.m. on

having to sacrifice parental

information is presented to

weekdays, when you must authority.

It

also trains

m

parent by the child

get up the next morning at 6

children to communicate

Step 6. The parent

a.m. However, because such

desires biblically without

reconsiders his instruction in

rules have been established

resorting to disrespect,

light

of

he new information

by parents, and not by God,

manipulation and other

and grants or denies the

children are commanded by

manifestations of sinful

request

Scripture to obey them, but

anger.

Step

1.

The instruction is

only as long as they are

How to Make

an

Appeal

given by the parent.

lawfully under their parents

Biblical appeals, referred

A key implication of

authority.

to

in

Scripture by such words

Ephesians 6:4 is that parents

Your child may appeal a

as

petitions, requests, and

will by giving commands to

biblically derived rule.

supplications, were made in

their children. These

( Dad, there is a special

different ways by many

commands represent

program on television

individuals depending on the

decisions that have

tonight at 9 p.m. that my

personalities, positions and

(hopefully) been made

teacher suggested we watch.

circumstances of the

within the framework of

May I break curfew to see

individuals involved. The

Scripture, but as mentioned

it? On the other hand, your

following appeal process is

above, are not necessarily

in

child may never appeal a

one that has been devised for

and of themselves, biblical

directed rule. 22 ( Dad, is it

use by children with their mandates. Most parental

okay if steal a book from

parents. It is certainly not the

decisions and instructions

the library? )

only right way of malcing

will be of the Biblically

The basis

of

an appeal is

an appeal. I suggest it as a

Derived variety. Although

the presentation

of

new or

starting point from which

parents may not

have

a

additional information

parents may develop and fine

particular portion of

(preferably supported by a

tune a more personalized

Scripture in mind when

biblical desire and system for their children.

giving instruction, the

AprillMay, 1998 :; THE COUNSEL of Chalcedon:; 11


3/6

command should be

your child further expresses

Perhaps i

you choose

a

consistent with the

humility, and submission to more gracious

way

to

"instruction

of

the Lord"

s

authority, communicating

approach

me, I

will

consi

found in the Bible with the that it is your prerogative

to

it

later.

(request

denied)

ultimate aim of developing

grant or deny the request.

Example:

Yes, you may.

Christ-like character in the This further prepares the

(request granted)

child.

Example: I want

you

parent's heart for objectively Step 5. The appeal is

to be in bed

by

9:00

p.m.

considering the appeal. A

made as

new

informatio

tonight.

child's voice of wording is

is presented to the parent

Step 2: The instruction is

very important at this point.

the child.

aclmowledged by the child.

He is humbly requesting

This new information

A child respectfully

permission to make an

should include facts that

affirms that he both

appeal not questioning or

your child believes you

understands and intends to

challenging a parent's

should consider; informa

obey the instruction, thus

decision. Acceptable phrases

that your child believes y

placing himself in the best

include: "May I please

did not consider in makin

possible position to make an appeal?", "Would you permit the original decision.

It m

appeal. This step, in addition

an appeal?", "May I be

be information that was n

to demonstrating the

allowed to appeal?", or

Imown to you when

you

f

attitudes of honor and

"May I submit an appeal?"

considered the matter bei

obedience, tends to disarm

Example:

I

have new

appealed.

parents from unnecessary

information. May

I

make

an

It was apparent to Esth

defensiveness (pride), anger,

appeal?

that King Ahasuerus did n

and fear of being


mow that Esther was a Je

manipulated that might

ac mowledged by the parent.

when he gave Mordecai

otherwise hinder objective

f you believe it necessary

permission to annihilate t

consideration

of

the appeal.

to hear the appeal, you may

Jews (Esther 2:20; 7:3,4)

"The wrath of a king (or an

do so. Indeed, the parent

was apparently new

authority, i.e. parents) is s

would be a fool not to listen

information to Philemon

messengers of death, Bnt a

to an appeal that has been

Onesimus had become a

wise man will appease it"

properly made. "The wisdom

Christian through Paul' s

(prov. 16:14). Example:

from above

is

... reasonable

influence and had begun

"Dad, I understand that you

(easy to be entreated. IUV)"

minister to him (Phil. 10:

would like me to be

in

bed

(James 3:17). If however,

Judah apparently

by

9 p.m. tonight (and I

the appeal has not been made

perceived that it was new

intend to

do

so.)"

correctly (Prov. 26:4), tlle information

to

Joseph tha

Step 3. A request for an

child has begun

to

abuse the

Benjamin's father loved h

appeal is made by the child.

appeal process, or time will

so

much that

he

feared fo

By asking permission to

not allow an appeal at that

his life should Benjamin

make an appeal, (much like

moment, you may decline to

return (Gen. 44:19-32).

Esther did when she

hear it. Bxample: Son,

that

It was apparently new

presented herself before

is

not the

way

you

were information to King Saul

Ahasuerus; Esther 5:1-3),

taught

to

address your

father.

David had killed a wild b

:12. THE COUNSEL of

Chalcedon

AprlllMay,

1998

.J


4/6

with his own hands

(1

Sam.

you might consider

Step

2.

The instruction is

17:34-36).

postponing the final verdict

acknowledged by the child.

New information includes

until you have thought it

"Yes

Ma'am

I realize

that

such things as an

el>. Pressed

through more thoroughly.

my room needs attention

conflicting desire of another

Example: "Yes you may

immediately .. "

authority figure (Le. parent,

watch the program after you

Step 3. A request for an

teacher, etc.), information have showered, brushed your appeal is made by

the

child.

that the parent would have

teeth, and

put

on your

"But, would you permit

pajamas so that you will be

no other way of finding out,

me to malce an appeal?"

and biblical arguments for

able to go to bed

considering another course

immediately after the


of

action which would better

special." Example: "No,

acknowledged

by

the parent.

glorify God. Example: My

your mother and I made

"Go ahead."

teacher told us two days ago

plans to do something else

Step 5. The appeal

is

that a television special

tonight that w ll require our

made as additional data are

about

the

Civil

War

will be

not being distracted.

Had

presented to the parent by

on

tonight at

9

p.m. She

you told one of us about the the child.

suggested that ifwe were

program when you first

''Last night

Dad

asked

me

permitted to watch it, it

learned of it two days ago,

to wash his pick-up today. f

would help

prepare

us for the

we would have made other

I follow your instructions

lesson

tonwrrow. May

I

arrangements. I'm sorry,

but

first and attend

to my

room,

please stay

up

to

watch

the

I'll have to deny your

by the time I finish, it will

be

program?

request." Example:

dark. Dad

doesn't

think I do

Step 6.

The

parent

(Postponement) "Your

a good job washing his car

reconsiders his instruction

in

mother and I have made

after the snu goes down

light

of

the new information

other plans tonight that will

because I can't see as well.

require our not being Would

it be

all

right

i f

Iand grants or denies the

distracted. Why

don't

you

washed the care frrst, then

request.

prepare for

bed

so that your

worked

on my room?"

By this time you can

mother and I will have some

Step 6. The parent

usually evaluate the

time to discuss the matter

reconsiders his instruction in

additional data on their own

between ourselves. ViThen

light

of

the new information.

merit (and in light

of

the

you've finished we will let

Scriptures) without the

you know what we've

"I've got a better idea

distraction of typical

decided."

You may wash my car and

concerns such as disrespect

Dad's car now. Then after

The following example

supper

I'll

help

you

clean

and manipulation. Should further illustrates proper your

room."

you grant the appeal you can

employment of the appeal

Guidelines

For

xplain your reasoning to

process.

Making an Appeal

your child without being

distracted by the same

Step 1. The instruction is

Guideline 1. An appeal

given by the parent.

problems.

f

you cannot

may only be made to the

think

of

a good (biblical) .

"Go upstairs and clean parent who is presently

reason to deny the request, your room."

giving the instruction.

AprilJMay, 1998 't

THE

COUNSEL ofChalcedon't 13


5/6

To do otherwise would be

whilling, sarcasms, etc., are you and ultimately from

manipulative. It would also

not accepted. Rather, your

sovereign Lord Himself

be disruptive

of

parental child should be warned that

(Rom 13:1,2; Col. 3:20;

unity (Gen 2:24) and he is violating biblical

6:1).

f your

child

canno

contradictory to the principle

principles

of

communication persuade you to reconsid

of parental authority (Gal.

and disciplined accordingly. his position after one ap

4:1,2).

In

some cases, a trip to The

he

is

t

conclude that

it

One parent should not

Think Room would even be

apparently God's will"

entertain appeals from a

in order. I any event, the

Pet.

2:13-15)for him

to

child who has been

appeal should not be follow your instruction.

instructed by another parent

considered until your child

Knowing iliat he only ha

unless it is impossible for the

has corrected inappropriate

one chance"

to

approac

child to respond directly to

attitudes.

When

appealed to

you, should motivate im

the instructing parent. A

in a disrespectful or

give it his best effort."

child who attempts to

attempt may inv

do so should be sent

doing any

immediately back to appropriate rese

the instructing parent

before hand,

for consideration of

working

on

the appeal (and

(practicing if

possible

necessary) the

consideration of

development of

disciplinary

proper wording

consequences for violating

. unsubmissive manner, you

of

voice

and

non-verbal

this guideline).

may respond as follows:

If

communication, and wa

Guideline 2. An appeal

you

can

put together a more for

the best

time (like E

will only be considered by

respectful

way

to make your did)

to

make

ilie request

the appropriate parent if the

appeal, I

may

consider it. Hasti ly made appeals of

child's verbal

and

non-verbal

Until you do, I will have to result in declines where

communication reflect both

deny your request. Any more thought-out appea

submission to and respect for

further disrespect will result tend to be more success

authority.

in appropriate disciplinary

Guideline 4. An appe

All appeals should be

consequences. Do you

to be considered a privi

understand?"

made using such words,

that must be earned rath

tones of voice, and non-

Guideline 3. An appeal than an unalienable righ

verbal communication (refer may only

be

made one time.

The

privilege

of

an a

to me communication pie in

By multiple appeals (i.e.

should come only to chi

chapter three) that shows

"But, Mom, pleeeeease "

who have faithfully

parental respect and "Why?"; "Well, then can

demonstrated

submission (Eph. 6:1,2).

I 7") your child trustworthiness. Childre

Thus, appeals attempted with

demonstrates an whose decisions are

manifestations of sinful unwillingness to graciously

characterized by wisdom

anger, pouting, sulking,

accept a

no

answer from. earn

the

respect necessa

14

I

THE

cCOUNSEL.of Ch3lcedon

I

AprillMay,

1998


6/6

be entrusted to make an

analogy - employers)

no

answer to prayer from

appeal. Children who

according to the flesh (Eph.

God. They should learn to

characteristically make

6:5); and as a general rule, -

think,

If

I

cannot persuade

foolish choices are probably

Christians are to be subject

my parents to change their

. not

trustworthy enough

to

to one another in the fear

of

mind after one

well thought

make

appeals in a proper

Christ (Eph. 5 :21).

out, respectful appeal,

then

I

manner (let alone with the

Since the ability to make

must conclude

that it

is

proper motives). The Bible

an effective appeal is crucial

apparently

not God's

will

for

warns against placing

to any interpersonal

me to

get

what I

want

at this

confidence in unfaithful men

relationship involving

point in time. He is

(Prov. 12:19). Children who

authority, training children

sovereignly working through

abuse the appeal process by

how to appeal to their

my parents to

conform

me to

making so many appeals that

parents helps prepare them

the image of His Son. I

will

appealing becomes more of a

for lifelong success in such

be thankful for this denied

patteru than obedience or

relationships. This character

appeal and cooperate

with

who constantly violate any

training also teaches

them

His sanctifying work in my

of the four guidelines should

how to obey -

Let

your

life.

Q

likely be suspended

speech always be with grace,

21 This

chapter contains

temporarily from appeal

seasoned (as

it

were) with

concepts that have been adapted

privileges.

salt, so that you

may

know

and

expanded

from Growing

Every Christian finds

how you should respond to Kid's God's Way by Gary and

himself in subordinate

each person (Col. 4:6).

Ann

Marie Ezzo. Used by

positions at various times in

Finally, there is something

permission.

his life. Many of these

that is even more important

22 They may,

however, appeal

relationships are ordained by

than teaching children

how your

interpretation that a

God, and submission by the

to make a gracious appeal.

particular behavior violates a

subordinate to the superior,

That

is teaching them how to

biblical prinCiple.

is required

by

Scripture.

graciously accept an appeal

23 Properly means in

Christian wives are to be

that has been denied.

biblical

manner. It means that

submissive to their own

Perhaps you've never

the

speaker's communication

does

husbands cf. 1 Peter 3:1).

considered the fact that many

not

violate

any

biblical directive

Church members are told,

of the prayers in the Bible

about communication.

The

Obey

your (church) leaders

are really appeals to God to

speaker's

words, tone of voice,

and submit to them (Heb.

change circumstances. Yet

and non-verbal communication

13: 17), Christian citizens are

the attitude of the one

reflect

grace,

respect and the

commanded to

be

in

praying is often Not my

appropriate submiSSion to

subjection to the governing will

but

Thine be done. I

authority. ee Chapter Three for a

authorities (Rom 13: 1),

believe that one of the most

more

detailed review.

believing slaves (and by

vital elements of teaching

Printed by permission of

application- believing children how to appeal is

r

employees) are to

be

teaching them how to view a

Calvary Press Publishing, Box

805; Amityville, NY 11701; (800);J

obedient to those who are denial from their parents in

their masters (and

by

much the same way as a

789-8175.

AprilJMay,

1998'1' TIiECOUNSEL of Chalcedon

1' 15

,

I

.

I

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1998 Issue 2 - The Heart of Anger - Counsel of Chalcedon