COMMUNICATION SKILLS & CONFLICT RESOLUTION

September 2017

OBJECTIVE

STUDENTS WILL

• LEARN TO LISTEN WITH MORE THAN THEIR EARS

• DEMONSTRATE AN UNDERSTANDING OF CONFLICT RESOLUTION STRATEGIES

• PRACTICE ASSERTIVE COMMUNICATION

ASCA STANDARDS

• ASCA DOMAINS

• PS:C1.10 LEARN TECHNIQUES FOR MANAGING STRESS AND CONFLICT

• PS:A1.5 IDENTIFY AND EXPRESS FEELINGS

• PS:A2.2 RESPECT ALTERNATIVE POINTS OF VIEW

• PS:A2.6 USE EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATIONS SKILLS

• PS:B1.3 IDENTIFY ALTERNATIVE SOLUTIONS TO A PROBLEM

• PS:B1.6 KNOW HOW TO APPLY CONFLICT RESOLUTION SKILLS

CONFLICTS

HTTPS://WWW.YOUTUBE.COM/WATCH?V=GL3E-OUNAVQ

THINK ABOUT THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS AS YOU WATCH THE VIDEO:

• WHAT WORDS DO YOU ASSOCIATE WITH CONFLICT?

• ARE CONFLICTS BAD?

3 MAJOR COMPONENTS TO WORKING ON A CONFLICT

1. ANGER MANAGEMENT/CONTROLLING EMOTIONS

2. ASSERTIVE COMMUNICATION

3. TOOL KIT

COMPONENT ONE:ANGER MANAGEMENT

• IT’S NORMAL TO BE ANGRY IN A CONFLICT. • WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU APPROACH A CONFLICT ANGRY?

• CREATE THE OPPORTUNITY TO CHOOSE RESPONSE RATHER THAN JUST REACT

• STRATEGIES TO COOL DOWN:• COUNT TO 10

• BALLOON BREATHING

• FREEZE

• DO SOMETHING ELSE

COMPONENT ONE:ANGER MANAGEMENT CONTINUED

• MAJOR RULES: • DO NOT HURT THE OTHER

PERSON OR THEIR THINGS

• DO NOT HURT YOURSELF

• DO NOT HURT PROPERTY

• FOULS DURING CONFLICTS

• BULLYING

• PHYSICAL CONTACT

• NAME CALLING

• BOSSING

• THREATENING

• MAKING EXCUSES

• GETTING REVENGE

• TEASING

**Breaking rules or committing fouls will only make conflict worse!

COMPONENT TWO:COMMUNICATION

• THE MOST COMMON WAY TO RESOLVE A CONFLICT IS TO TALK IT OUT.

• IT IS IMPORTANT TO UNDERSTAND HOW THE OTHER PERSON FEELS.

• THERE ARE TWO PARTS TO COMMUNICATION• LISTENER

• SPEAKER

COMPONENT TWO:COMMUNICATION CONTINUED

LISTENER’S JOB: ACTIVE LISTENING (SOLER)

• SQUARE UP: TURN TOWARD THE OTHER PERSON

• OPEN POSTURE: HANDS OUT OF POCKETS; DON’T HAVE ANY OBJECTS IN BETWEEN YOU AND THE OTHER PERSON

• LEAN IN

• EYE CONTACT

• RESPOND: PARAPHRASE AND ASK OPEN ENDED QUESTIONS; DON’T GIVE ADVICE

COMPONENT TWO:COMMUNICATION CONTINUED

SPEAKERS JOB: ASSERTIVE COMMUNICATION

• A PERSON’S ATTEMPT TO CONVEY HIS/HER NEEDS OR WANTS WHILE CONSIDERING THE NEEDS AND WANTS OF OTHER PEOPLE

USE OF “I” STATEMENTS

• “I” STATEMENTS ARE DESIGNED TO EXPRESS AND TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR FEELINGS RATHER THAN BLAMING OTHERS.

• MOSIAC KIDS• HTTPS://WWW.YOUTUBE.COM/WATCH?V=QTTNHRB

ZL4M

• I STATEMENT (POW TOON)• HTTPS://WWW.YOUTUBE.COM/WATCH?V=VWTSH7

RBFFI

DEVELOPING “I” STATEMENTS

“I FEEL EMOTION WORD WHEN EXPLANATION.”

EMOTION WORDS:

EXAMPLES

EXAMPLE 1:

• BLAMING: “YOU CAN’T KEEP COMING HOME SO LATE! IT’S SO INCONSIDERATE.”

• “I” STATEMENT: “I FEEL WORRIED WHEN YOU COME HOME LATE. I CAN’T EVEN SLEEP.”

EXAMPLE 2:

• BLAMING: “YOU NEVER CALL ME. I GUESS WE JUST WON’T TALK ANYMORE.”

• “I” STATEMENT: “I FEEL HURT WHEN YOU GO SO LONG WITHOUT CALLING.

PRACTICE

1. A FRIEND ALWAYS CANCELS PLANS AT THE LAST MINUTE. RECENTLY, YOU WERE WAITING FOR THEM AT THE MOVIES, WHEN THEY CALLED TO SAY THEY COULDN’T MAKE IT.

• I FEEL ________________ WHEN __________________________.

2. YOU ARE WORKING ON A GROUP PROJECT, AND ONE MEMBER IS NOT COMPLETING THEIR PORTION. YOU HAVE REPEATEDLY HAD TO FINISH THEIR WORK.

• I FEEL ________________ WHEN __________________________.

COMPONENT 3:CONFLICT TOOLS

TAKING SPACE

CENTERING AND RELAXING

PERSONAL ATTENTION GETTERS AND UNHOOKS

RESOLUTION

TAKING SPACE

• TAKING SPACE IS REMOVING ONE’S SELF, EITHER MENTALLY OR PHYSICALLY, IN ORDER TO FEEL SAFE, SECURE, AND IN CONTROL.

• GOAL IS TO AVOID ESCALATING THE SITUATION

• WHAT ARE SOME IDEAS ON HOW TO MENTALLY OR PHYSICALLY TAKE SPACE?

RULES FOR TAKING SPACE:

DO

• START BY USING “I” STATEMENTS.

• STATE YOUR POSITION.

• INDICATE THAT YOU WILL BE GONE (DO NOT ASK FOR PERMISSION).

• STATE A DEFINITE TIME YOU WILL RETURN.

• PROMISE TO WORK OUT THE MATTE WHEN YOU DO RETURN.

DON’T• BLAME OTHERS

• STORM AWAY

• DEBATE THE MATTER AT THAT TIME

• ORDER OTHERS TO DO SOMETHING

Example:

I am feeling too angry to talk about this right now. I’ll be back in 30 minutes and we can sit down and talk when I get back.

CENTERING AND RELAXING

• CENTERING IS A TECHNIQUE USED TO FOCUS YOURSELF ON GETTING YOUR ATTENTION, REALIZING YOUR SELF WORTH AND PUTTING THE WHOLE MATTER INTO PERSPECTIVE.

• TECHNIQUES FOR CENTERING AND RELAXING• AFFIRMATIONS

• DEEP BREATHING AND VISUALIZATION

AFFIRMATIONS

• THINKING OR SAYING OUT-LOUD TO YOURSELF SOMETHING ABOUT YOU THAT IS ALWAYS POSITIVE AND ALWAYS TRUE

• EXAMPLES

• I CARE ABOUT MYSELF AND OTHERS.

• I AM A HARD WORKER.

• I AM GOING TO MAKE GOOD THINGS HAPPEN.

• I LEARN FROM MY MISTAKES

DEEP BREATHING AND VISUALIZATION

• PRACTICE TAKING SLOW CONTROLLED DEEP BREATHS TO HELP YOU RELAX AND AT THE SAME TIME VISUALIZE YOURSELF IN A CONTROLLED, QUIET AND REFLECTIVE ENVIRONMENT.

ATTENTION GETTERS AND UNHOOKS

• ATTENTION GETTERS ARE SHORT STATEMENTS TO GET YOUR ATTENTION ONCE YOU REALIZE THAT YOU ARE ON THE ROAD TO ANGER

• EXAMPLES:

• HOLD IT…

• STOP

• WAIT A MINUTE

ATTENTION GETTERS AND UNHOOKS CONTINUED

• UNHOOKS ARE A WAY TO PUT EVERYTHING BACK INTO PERSPECTIVE AND PREPARE YOURSELF TO DEAL WITH THE FIRST FEELING OF CONFLICT

• EXAMPLES:

• LET IT GO

• THIS TOO SHALL PASS

• IT’S NOT WORTH IT

RESOLUTION

• RESOLUTION IS A WILLINGNESS TO RESOLVE THE SITUATION WHILE MAINTAINING RESPECT FOR YOURSELF AND OTHERS.

• TWO PLACES WHERE RESOLUTION OCCURS• WITHIN YOURSELF: SOLVING THE ISSUE ONLY WITH

YOU

• WITH OTHERS: USE “I” STATEMENTS AND IDENTIFY THE FIRST FEELINGS TO THE OTHER PERSON