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Little Red Riding Hood Unplugged
By Mary Kay Clark
1/10/2020 VIDEO:
Small crowd is gathered outside TV studio awaiting the arrival of 4 celebrities. (The Best Director, Greta Starr, the Good Fairy and the Big Bad Wolf) TV camera and Leslie Halt are waiting for stream
News is there to interview the crowd.
(BEAT 1) LIVE: In the news studio, crew is bustling to get ready for the upcoming broadcast. Lights come up on studio as News Crew comes in to set water, lay out papers and straighten news desk. Cue Card Holder enters, takes drink of water and runs off to get cue cards. Cameras are checked. The ON AIR sign is off. News Director enters as crew is bustling about.
News Director: Are we all set? Cue Card: (Reenters) Got the cue cards. News Crew: We’re almost ready. Where’s the
Ryan? News D: He’s finishing up in make-‐up. We should have a
good show today.
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News Crew: Right! It’s amazing what’s happening right here in Auburn.
Ryan Williams: (Enters quickly followed by a couple of his
staff. One with a makeup brush who dabs powder during following conversation. The other carrying a notebook and rifling through papers on desk) I’m ready. Where’s my script?
News Crew: On your desk. Assistant: Would you like coffee? Ryan Williams: (Sitting at desk looking around) No, I’m
good. Where’s my water? Cue Card: (Interrupting) I’ve checked all your cue
cards today. Ryan Williams: That was a horrible mistake last week.
Coffee stains so bad I couldn’t read what was on them.
Cue Card: No problem today, sir. I drank water.
(Walks to camera and News Director) Ryan Williams: Where is my water? News Director: You ready, Ryan? Assistant: Would you like tea? Ryan Williams: No, I’m fine. Today will be exciting. I’ve
never had an interview with such a
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famous actress. Greta is such a star. I’m a little nervous. (makeup brush is applied)
Makeup: I can tell. You’re sweating. Ryan Williams: Can you stop with the powder? Makeup: Your face is shining. You’ll look terrible
on camera. (Continues powdering as Ryan Williams sneezes and squirms)
Ryan Williams: (To Makeup) Stop! (Makeup backs off.
Then goes in for one more dab) Assistant: Would you like coffee? News Ryan: (Looks at her quizzically) No, I’m good. News D: We’re live in 5 minutes! News Crew: (Shouting) Live in 5! Cue Card: He wants water! Assistant: Would you like water? Ryan Williams: (Frustrated) Not now! It’s too late! News Crews scurry with finishing touches. Makeup looks over News Ryan Williams’ hair. Ryan Williams picks up
script and sees it’s a mess. Puts it down in frustration. News Director is talking with camera person. Cue Person drops the cards and hurriedly picks them up looking at order.
News D: Ready in 20.
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News Crew: (Shouting) 20! Assistant: (Runs back on) I could throw you a water
bottle from back stage! Ryan Williams: Go! (Crew scurries off the set leaving News Director, Cue Card person and Camera Person. Assistant has crawled in with a bottle of water puts it on the desk and crawls out. News Crew is at control panel. News Ryan Williams is at the desk shuffling papers)
News D: (Looking at watch) In
10…9…8…7…6…(Finishes by using arm gestures. At 1 points to News Crew who is at a control panel and he presses two buttons. One to light up the ON AIR sign and the other to roll the opening credits that we see on the TV screens. Audience sees the opening credits for the upcoming News Show…then we go live to the News Ryan Williams.
Ryan Williams: Good Evening. I am Ryan Williams reporting for Your Best News, here in Auburn. We have some breaking news. It seems that the Mayor Ley has received an exciting proposal that will put our town on the national map. Our own News Correspondent, Leslie Halt, is with the Mayor now. Leslie…(Cut to video feed of the Mayor talking with News C, Leslie Halt)
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VIDEOTAPED: News C: I’m here with Mayor Ley, who has received a
call from the Good Fairy! She’s the famed author of all those fairy tales we know. Mayor, can you tell us about this call?
Mayor: Thank you and hello fine citizens of Auburn.
Yes, indeed, I did receive a call from the Good Fairy and it seems that she is going to be writing a new Fairy Tale and has requested that our town host her and a small crew to stage this new tale.
News C: And what was your response to this? Mayor: I said “Yes”, of course. And knowing this would
be a great undertaking, I have decided to turn this project over to Excelsior Theater Arts Academy. They will be perfect at carrying out all the details.
News C: Do you expect this will be great exposure for
our town? Mayor: I do! My understanding is that the Good Fairy is
bringing a very famous actress and director and will be asking some of our own citizens to be in this production!
News C: How exciting. We do have more details of this
venture. Back to you Ryan Williams.
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LIVE: Ryan Williams: Thank you Mayor Ley and Leslie
Halt. Your Best News has learned that the famous actress, Greta Starr, and the Good Fairy will be arriving any time soon. With them will be B. B. Wolf and T. B. Director. The crowd is waiting outside our studios and they are anxious. As we all know, Greta is best known for winning a Tony Award for Best Backstage Behavior and The Fairy is the famous author of all the renowned fairy tales. BB Wolf is none other than the Big Bad Wolf…and TB, The Best Director. We at Your Best News will be interviewing both Fairy and Wolf soon to find out why Fairy will be writing, or maybe, rewriting a fairy tale. We understand that Greta Starr will be playing the lead. Your Best News has gotten some inside scoop that the Wolf is not happy with some of the fairy tales.
Let’s go now to News Leslie Halt who is outside of our studios. She/He is in the crowd getting some of the fans’ reaction to the arrival of these celebrities. Leslie Halt... Leslie, are you there?
VIDEOTAPED: (Scan of crowd with signs) News C: Yes, Ryan Williams, I am here in all of this
excitement. (Turns to a group of people) Are you excited for the arrival of the celebrities? (Crowd screams) They seem to be ready for this big event. I am with some fans now…(to fan) so what is it about the Fairy that you like?
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Fan 1: Wow! What can I say? The Fairy is the best. I
love all those fairy tales. She rocks! Fan 2: I know, right?! She’s awesome! I think I will
faint when I see her! News C: What are your favorite fairy tales? Fan 3: I love Rapunzel…oh…and Beauty and the Beast!
Fairy tales rule! Fan 1: What about The Three Little Pigs? That one
was fabulous! That Wolf was awful! Fan 3: Remember the boy who cried wolf? The wolf
ate those sheep! Wow! Fan 2: Right, the wolf is bad. News C: Wow. Some of the fans don’t seem to like the
Wolf. (turning to another group) I am with more fans. Why did you come this afternoon?
Fan 4: I wouldn’t miss this for the world! Fairy is
awesome, writing those tales and all…and to think that Greta Starr is actually coming right here to Auburn! Wow!
Fan 5: And now Fairy is here to write another fairy
tale. How cool is that!? News C: Ryan, did you hear that? LIVE:
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Ryan Williams: Yes, Leslie…we, at Your Best News, know that TB Director is here to audition our community for roles in this upcoming fairy tale. Can you get a sense if many people are going to audition for this?
News C: Sure. Let me ask. (turning to Actor 1) So are
you going to audition for this new fairy tale? Actor 1: Yes, I am. News C: Are you excited about maybe getting a part? Actor 1: Are you kidding? This is a chance of a lifetime! Actor 2: Finally I can show my talent. Actor 3: I can’t believe that I might act alongside of
Greta…awesome, right? News C: Are you nervous about auditioning? Actor 1: Oh my goodness, yes! I am going to be so
nervous! Actor 3: Are we really on the news…Hi Mom! Actor 2: I heard that the Big Bad Wolf is coming too. Is
that true? News C: Yes, he is. (Walks to new group of fans) Let’s get
some opinions about the Wolf coming here. (Turning to another group) What about the Big Bad Wolf…what do you think of him? (we hear some booing)
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Fan 6: He’s scary…I won’t get near him! Fan 7: He is mean…that’s why he has Bad in his name! Fan 8: He eats people! Fan 9: I can’t believe that Greta Starr would actually be
in a production with him! That could be dangerous.
News C: Did you hear that Ryan? Most of the crowd
doesn’t have a good feeling about BB Wolf.
LIVE: Ryan Williams: Leslie, I think the celebrities are
arriving.
Videotaped: Crowd cheers as cars drive up. The Fairy, Greta and TB Director come out of the first car and enter the studio while waving, throwing kisses, etc, to cheering crowd. They enter the building. The second junky car pulls up with the Wolf emerging and the crowd boos.
Wolf turns and yells into the crowd, Wolf: (Shouts over crowd) You’re all wrong. I am not
BAD! I am really a nice guy! I not bad! You’re wrong!
But crowd continues to boo.
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News C: The crowd is certainly not happy with the wolf. I’m sending this back to you, Ryan. The celebrities will be with you shortly.
LIVE: Ryan Williams: Thank you, Leslie. We will now go to
a commercial break. When we come back, I will be interviewing the Good Fairy and The Big Bad Wolf.
(Videotaped Commercial)
BEAT 2 (LIVE) As commercial runs, newsroom is reset for interview. Chairs. The newsroom where BB Wolf and the Fairy are sitting with
Ryan Williams in an interview. Makeup is powdering everyone’s face. Assistant offers drinks to each guest
Ryan Williams: We are with the famous Fairy and author of those tales we know, as well as our parents and our parents’ parents. Your Best News also has BB Wolf, better known as the Big Bad Wolf. He is the one who has asked for this interview. BB, why are you here? Wolf: I want everyone to know that my name is really
Bartholomew Baron Wolf not Big Bad Wolf. (emphasis on the Bs at the beginning of each name)
Ryan Williams: Wow! That’s news to me. Wolf: As you all know, I have starred in many of Fairy’s
Tales. Ryan Williams: Yes, we are aware of your stardom.
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Wolf: (Whining) But I have been type cast. Fairy: (Matter of fact) You’re a wolf. Wolf: It’s the same role over and over. Fairy: (bigger, slower) You’re a wolf. Wolf: But I’m a great actor, yet I play the same character
each time. Fairy: (Matter of fact emphasizing each word) That’s because you’re a wolf. Ryan Williams: So you feel that you’re always playing
the same character, BB? Wolf: Just look at this footage of me with the 3 pigs.
VIDEOTAPED: Cut to film of Fairy and 3 pigs. Pig 1: I’m the first little pig. Pig 2: I’m the second little pig. Pig 3: And I’m the third little pig. Pigs: We are the three little pigs. Fairy: And how cute you are! (they giggle) Pig 1: I built a house out of straw. Pig 2: I built a house out of sticks.
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Pig 3: I built a house out of bricks. Pigs: We all have hair on our chinny chin chins! Pig 1: And the big bad wolf… Pig 2: went a huffin’ and puffin’ Pig 3: and blew our houses down! Pigs: Boo hoo! He was so mean!! Fairy: Oh you sweet innocent piggies. (they giggle)
BACK TO BEAT 2: Wolf: There you have it! I have been made the meanie
who terrorizes these cute pigs…and what do I get? A burnt tail!
Ryan Williams: Wow, Wolf, that must have hurt. Wolf: Exactly. And look at The Boy Who Cried Wolf!
VIDEOTAPED: Cut to film: Boy: (with sheep around him) I cried wolf once and
all the village people came running. But there wasn’t a wolf!! Wasn’t that funny, little sheep?
Sheep: Baaaaaa Boy: And then I cried wolf again and they all came
running again! No wolf again! Wasn’t that funny little sheep?
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Sheep: (a little scared) Baaaa Boy: I really fooled them. That was so much fun, right
sheep? Sheep: (Acting more scared) Baaaa. Baaaa. Baaaa. Boy: What’s wrong sheep? Wolf: Did you call me? Boy: (Sheep continue to Baa and run around) Help!
Help! Wolf! Help! There really is a wolf! Help! BACK TO BEAT 2 Ryan Williams: I hear you ate the sheep. That’s
pretty bad. Wolf: I had to. It was part of the story. Besides the Boy
called me several times! What was I supposed to do? Fairy…I want a different role. One that I can sink my teeth into…not literally, you know. A role where I can use my superior acting skills.
Fairy: You’re a wolf. Wolf: (begs) Give me chance! I’m begging you. Let me
play something other than a meanie! Please…please…please! Let me be the Bartholomew Baron my parents wanted me to be!
Ryan Williams: Fairy, how do you respond to BB
Wolf?
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Fairy: Oh, I don’t know, Ryan Williams. I have worked so hard on my fairy tales. I can’t imagine writing another one. I’m so tired.
Ryan Williams: How about just doing a bit of a
rewrite? Maybe update one of your tales. Fairy: (Offended) Update? These tales are classic! Ryan Williams: Well, we would all agree that your
tales are literature. Wolf: I am not asking for a lot…just a way for me to
show my great acting skills. Fairy: I had a feeling this was what you were going to ask,
so I asked TB Director to join me to do this project…so, yes…I have decided to rewrite one of my tales.
Wolf: Oh…thank you, thank you, thank you. I won’t let
you down. Ryan Williams: There you have it folks. Your Best
News is the first to report that the Good Fairy has indeed agreed to rewrite a fairy tale so that the Big Bad Wolf will have a chance to act other than bad...and big. Fairy, what tale have you chosen to rewrite?
Fairy: Little Red Riding Hood. I never did like the
original idea of Wolf eating sweet old Grandma. After all, she was sick and waiting for her dear granddaughter.
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Wolf: Oh, Good Fairy, you won’t be disappointed. I am so excited to star with Greta and work for TB…AND I have some great ideas!
Fairy: Well, we should be able to create a great tale. I
am a bit concerned about Greta Starr, though. She’s – what do you call it?
Ryan Williams: A star? Fairy: High maintenance. But TB really wanted her, so I
agreed. She’s here to play the role of Little Red Riding Hood.
Wolf: I’m so excited! Fairy: One thing though. We’re hiring a couple of Security
Guards. Wolf: What!? Fairy: Well, you do have a reputation. Some of the actors
might be afraid of you. Wolf: I’ll be good. I’m really not big and bad. You’ll see. Fairy: Yeah. We’ll see… Ryan Williams: There you have it ladies and
gentlemen; the Good Fairy and Greta Starr have arrived in Auburn, Indiana, along with B.B Wolf and the Best Director! This is your Best News Ryan Williams signing off.
(Picture in picture - the crowd cheers. Video of end of news
cast. News room empties)
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(BEAT 3) Lights come up on stage with entrance of TB Director and
Security Guards (SG 1 and SG 2). Director is carrying a clipboard
Director: (to Guards) You stay at the edges of the stage. I don’t expect any problems. But some of the actors are afraid of the wolf.
SG 1: No problem. We’ll be on high alert. SG 2: Just let us know if you need us. We’re at the ready. Director: Right. (skeptical)
Enter Fairy
Fairy: Oh great. The guards are here. Watch for any sudden moves. The wolf can be sneaky.
SG 2: We got it covered ma’am. I’m used to sudden
moves. I have a kindergarten sister. Director: (Skeptical again) Right! (Change of attitude)
Well Good Fairy. I think we’re ready for this. Fairy: Auditions went well, don’t you think? Director: Yeah…I’m happy. Greta Starr will be perfect. Fairy: She won’t be a problem, right? She does have a
reputation, you know.
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Director: Her name alone will bring in audiences. She is a Starr.
Fairy: I just don’t want any problems. Guards, you
keep an eye on her too! SG 1: No problem. We won’t allow any riff raff. Director: Don’t worry Fairy. She’ll be fine. Fairy: So, are we ready? Director: (Checking clipboard) Yep…I have costumes
being made…Stage Manager is on board…the cast…a crew to build the set. Let’s do it! Crew, set the stage for scene one. Cast! Places!
Stage Manager: (Enters) Director. This is supposed to
be a forest right? Director: (Consulting with Fairy. Looks up from
clipboard) Right. Bring out some trees. Stage M: We don’t have anything back there but trees
from Nutcracker. Director: That will do for now. (Goes back to consulting
with Fairy) Stage M: (Yells backstage) Bring out Nutcracker trees!
(Crew and available cast bring out white trees in buckets) Where do you want them? (Pause) Director?!
Director: (Looks up from clipboard) What? (Sees the
trees) Just put them around the stage. We will
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move them where we need them later. (Continues with Fairy)
Stage M: You heard him. (Crew just drops trees where
they are standing and walk off stage) Crew 1: (Enters with Crew 2 bringing house and stops R
of center stage) Is this where you want the house?
Director: (Looks up) Take it a little more stage right.
(Back with Fairy) Crew 1: (moving it L) Like this? Director: (Turns) Um…no…more stage right. Crew 1: (moves it more to L) How’s this? Director: Stage right! Stage right! (A little moving
dance transpires between them until it is in the right spot – we will add dialog as we block this)
Fairy: (after set piece is in place) I hope this isn’t an
indication how the rest of the play will go. Director: No, no…don’t worry Fairy. Everything should
run smoothly! Crew 2: Hey, Director! Should we just hold this? It will
fall down if we let go! (Let’s go and catches it) Director: Yes, hold it! This is just a rehearsal. Crew 2: Got it.
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Mother and Greta take places behind house. Director takes place on tall Director’s chair on the floor stage L. Fairy stands on stage C L overlooking cast.
Fairy: Let’s start the story just like the original. It’s so
sweet. Mom is packing a darling picnic basket for Little Red Riding Hood to take to her ailing Granny.
Mother: (yelling) We can’t come out. The door won’t
open! Crew 2: The door is just painted on. Director: Go around the set. The audience will buy it. Crew 1: (To Director) I can cut it out if you want. Director: It’s fine. It’s fine. Start at top again. Please.
(Consults with Fairy as Crew 1 and Crew 2 start to take set piece off revealing Mother and Greta standing behind)
Fairy: (To Director) This is sort of a rough start. Director: This is actually typical. (Noticing set moved
right) Where are you going?! Crew 2: You said to start over. Director: Don’t take off the set…start with Mother’s
entrance! Fairy: I’m starting to get irritated, Director. Director: It’s going to be just fine. Mother…start with
your line…it will be chilly….
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Mother: (Now in front. Clears throat to get into
character) It will be chilly in the woods, Little Red Riding…
Wolf: (Interrupts; enters striking a regal pose) When
do I enter? Mother: Yikes! It’s the wolf! SG 1: (Heading towards Mother) I’ll protect you! Wolf: What? Fairy: It’s OK Guard. SG 1: Yes, ma’am. Fairy: Wolf, not yet…patience, please! Wolf: But... SG 2: Sure you don’t need us ma’am? Fairy: (Hotly) No… (Calmer) no. It’s fine. (To guard) Go
back to your place. (To wolf) Wolf, you’re not on yet. Check your script.
Wolf: Sorry. (Exits) Mother: Should I continue? Director: From the top… Crew 1: (With Crew) Want us to reset the scene?
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Director/Fairy: No! Director: (A bit flustered) Everything’s perfect! Mother,
take it from your line. Mother: (Clears throat again) It will be chilly in the
woods today, Little Red. You had better wear your ...
Wolf: (Enters again, Mother screams again) Wouldn’t
it be cool if I ran through at the beginning. Sort of like, foreshadowing? A hint of what’s to come…
SG 1: (Charging towards wolf) I got this! (Wolf yelps) Fairy: Guard! No!! Wolf! Not now! Greta: Who does he think he is? I am the star here. SG 2: We’re right here, if you need us! Director: I know! We’re fine. (Overly sweet, crosses to
Greta) Greta, Greta, Greta. (Firmly) Wolf, you’re not on yet.
Fairy: I knew this was not a good idea. Director: Everything’s fine, Fairy. Places! Let’s start
again…Wolf…go to the bathroom or something…your scene doesn’t happen for a while. Crew, keep holding the set. (Shouts) Let’s move this!
Mother: Should I say my line again?
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Fairy & Director: YES! Mother: (Clears throat with impatience) It will be chilly
in the woods today, Little Red. You had better wear your (realizes she doesn’t have it)…riding… hood. (Mother looks for cape. Crew 2 hands Mother the cape who holds it out to Greta)
Greta: Oh, Mother. You always make me wear that
silly cape. Can I wear something with a little more style?
Mother: (Surprised/confused) What? Fairy: You’re Little Red Riding Hood…wear the cape! Greta: (to Fairy) I’m not wearing that! It’s red! It will
make my complexion look…ruddy. Fairy: (Irritated) You’re Red Riding Hood…that’s what
you wear! Greta: Not if you want me to play this role…(folds
arms, puts foot down) NEVER! Director: Greta, Greta, Greta…this is RED Riding Hood.
You knew that when you signed up. Greta: I will not wearing that! Fairy: I GIVE UP! Director: (Intervening) Now, Fairy, I think we can
compromise. Wardrobe! Wardrobe! Stage M: You want Wardrobe?
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Director: Yes. Tell her to come out here. Stage M: (Runs off Left) Wardrobe! You’re needed!
(Enters dragging her in) the Director wants to see you.
Wardrobe: (To Director) You called me? (sees audience)
I’m on stage! Director: Little Red needs a different cape. Bring your
collection of outerwear. Greta: Do you have something in blue? Wardrobe: Little Red Riding Hood is not wearing red? Director: Just help me out here. Wardrobe: OK. You’re the director. (Exits) Mother: (Holding up cape) What do I do with this? Director: I don’t know. Just…just put it somewhere. Mother: OK. (She gives Greta a disgusted look and drops it
on the floor. Crew 2 reaches for it, almost dropping set)
Wardrobe enters with a HUGE stack of garments
Fairy: I want to know, who’s doing the rewrites here? Director: Don’t worry, Fairy. I’ve got this. Oh look, here’s
Wardrobe now!
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Greta: (Excitedly) Oh look at all of these choices! (clawing through coats over Wardrobe’s arm) Oooo…this one is tacky. Yuck. No…no…not this one…what’s this? (she pulls out the black polka dot swing coat and puts it on) OOOOoooo I like this one.
Mother: (Questioningly) It’s got big black polka dots. Wardrobe: So is this it? Director: Fairy? (She shrugs in disbelief) Greta? Greta: I love it! Look how it twirls (turns a circle) SG 2: That is mighty nice, Ms. Starr. Greta: Thanks! Wardrobe: So Little Red Riding Hood is now “Little
Black Polka Dot Swing Coat Without a Hood”? Fairy: (Slightly irritated) I don’t know. We’ll just call
her…ah… “Little”. Greta: (Whining) No! I don’t want to be little! Fairy: (Irritated) OK…ok…we’ll call her (searches for
words) “Little Dot No Hood”. Wardrobe: Am I done here? Director: Yes. Thanks, Wardrobe. (She picks up coats
and exits) What did I sign up for? I can’t believe I was actually on stage….
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Director: Places! Places everyone! (To Mother) Pick it up at the beginning…”It will be chilly in the woods”…and so on…but better change the words “riding hood” to…(Looks at coat) whatever…(crosses)
(BEAT 4) Mother: OK. (Put off a bit-finds character, clears throat,
straightens up) It will be chilly in the woods today, Little Red…um…Little Dot, you had better wear your…ah…polka dot swing coat.
Greta: I’ve already got it on, Mother. See how it twirls?
(She spins) Mother: Uh…yeah. (Big pause and exhale. Turns to get
basket from Crew) Here is the picnic basket that I have prepared for your dear, ailing Granny.
Greta: (Excitedly) Ooooo. What’s in here? (She lifts lid)
Oh my! It’s plastic food. This won’t work. We need better stuff. (Yells) Props?
Mother: (Astonished) What!? (Fairy shakes her head in
disbelief. Director’s jaw drops. We hear Stage M calling backstage for Props)
Fairy: Now what!? Director: I don’t... SG 1: Need me? Fairy/Director: NO! (SG mouths OK and moves back)
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Props: (peeking around set) You called me? Can I come onto the stage?
Greta: I can’t take plastic food to my sick
grandma…she needs good stuff to eat. Props: But it’s just a prop. Granny won’t really eat
this… Greta: (Whining and jumping) I don’t want plastic
food! (Changes tune abruptly) Oooo…I like the way this coat moves. (Swishes back and forth)
Props: (Exits calling) Chef! Chef! Mother: (Confused and irritated) What is going on here?
Can Mother have a chair? Fairy: (grabs stool from SG who falls on floor takes it to
Mother while mumbling next lines) Why did I agree to do this? I do better writing all alone in my quiet little room…(Continues muttering at the entrance of Chef and Props)
Chef: Well, well, well. Let me take a look. (takes a
piece of plastic food and takes a bite) This stuff is awful. Did I really make this?
Props: They’re props, Chef. Chef: (To offstage) Cook! Cook! Come here with our
menu! Props: I’ll get the Cook. (Exits. We hear offstage calling)
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Greta: I would love to take some great food to my ailing Granny. Can it be vegetarian?
Chef: Can’t have a meal without meat, young lady. Greta: Please, please, please, please Mr. Chef? Chef: Oh, all right. What happened to your red cape? Greta: This one’s better! Look…it twirls! Chef: Ooooo, that’s fantastico, Little Red. Greta: I’m Little Dot now. Chef: Oh!…OK Little Dot-‐now. Greta: No, no, no…I’m no longer Little Red, I’m Little
Dot now. Chef: (Confused) Right, Little Dot-‐now. Props: (Enters with Cook) Here’s the Cook. Chef: (Sees Cook) Ah, look! Here’s the cook. (Cook
enters with dishes of food. Props can help) Cook: I brought what we had in the fridge, Chef. Chef: Great, Cook. Let’s see…we have a delicious
vegetarian lasagna. One of my favorites! (Greta is excited after each item is introduced. Props takes each dish and tries to put in basket)
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Cook: Oh, so we’re doing vegetarian. Well then, here’s an arugula salad with a tangy lemon zest dressing!
Chef: Perfecto. What do you think Little Dot-‐now? Greta: Oooo…sounds luscious! Cook: Oh, and freshly baked French bread. Specially
made by our resident baker! Chef: And we have green beans with pearl onions and
a fine corn casserole. (basket gets overloaded) Greta: This is perfect, thanks. (Picks up basket – things
spill out and Props tries to rearrange) Oooo…this is way too heavy. What should I do, Mom?
Mother: Ask the Director. Greta: Director? (Everyone looks at Director) Director: Let me think. Fairy: This is ridiculous! Cook: Oh…and don’t forget the apple cheesecake. Greta: Granny will really be surprised. Mother: Surprised is an understatement. (standing and
looking at Fairy) Isn’t this a fairy tale? Fairy: I have lost control here.
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Director: We need a bigger basket. Props: We don’t have a bigger basket. Stage Manager!
Can you find something back there to carry all of this food?
Stage M: (Enters) You’re Props. Isn’t that your job? Props: (Holding up dishes) I’m a little busy here. Stage M: I’m on it. (Runs off speaking into head set, “Find
something back there to carry this food.”) Fairy: Do we have to do this? We need to move on!
(Fairy and Director are in a huddled discussion) Stage M: (bringing in a big box) How’s this? Props: That’s perfect. (Props takes stuff from the basket
and puts it in the box. Stage M helps and ad libs lines trying to fit things in) This OK Fairy?
Fairy: (Looks up from discussion) What? Props: Is this OK? Fairy: I really don’t care. We just need to get on with
the story…PLEASE! Props: Here you go, Red. (lifts “Heavy” box) Chef: That’s Little Dot-‐now. Props: Here ya’ go, Little Dot-‐now. (thrusts box into
Dot’s arms)
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Greta: It’s heavy! (Whines) I can’t see! Props: (takes box) She will need help. Stage M: Stage Crew. You’re on. (Goes offstage) StageCrew: Wait a minute. I can’t be on…(she sees
audience and eyes widen) stage. There’s an audience out there.
StageM: Don’t pay attention to them. You’re the only
one I can sacrifice. StageCrew: But I have backstage duties…moving the set
in scene 2…doing sound effects in scene 3…cue the actors for …
Props: (Interrupting and firm) I’ve got work to do. You
need to lug around this…box of goodies for Little Red. (Shoves box in StageCrews arms. Starts to Exit)
Greta: That’s Little Dot No Hood. Props: (Turns back) I mean Little Dot. StageCrew: (Yelling from behind box) Nice coat. Greta: I know…look it twirls… StageCrew: (Tips box to try to look) I can’t really see it. Chef: Don’t tip the box…the sauce will run. Mother: (shouting and waving from behind the group)
Shouldn’t that be my line?
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Fairy: Just get on with the story…NOW! Mother: (elbowing her way into the scene) Be careful in
the woods, Little Red…I mean, Dot. And remember…don’t talk to anyone strange. (muttering but heard) Even though everyone here is strange…this whole story is strange.
(BEAT 5) Greta: Goodbye Mother. Bye Chef and Cook. Bye Stage
Manager. Bye Crew people holding the house. Bye Security Guards. (They wave at her) I will be very careful in the woods all by myself…and this Crew person (pats the box, then starts to skip)…on my way to Granny’s house. (They all exit as Alex and Kent enter upstage bringing in some 2x4s, tools etc. Greta looks at Director) How do I get to Grandma’s house?
Director: Just skip and walk around the trees. We’ll be
working on the set make a distinct pathway. Greta: OK. (Clears throat and gets into character) I am
on my way to granny’s house. I’m wearing my (Drill on) beautiful Polka Dot (Alex’s drill off) Swing coat. (Greta stops and StageCrew bumps her. She turns to StageCrew seeming to yell and we only hear the first word and the end of her line because drill starts and stops) What…(fill in mimed words as drill goes) are you doing? Don’t bump me!
StageCrew: Sorry.
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As the following commotion is happening, Wolf enters again and goes to Director. They are in a heated conversation
Fairy: (Aghast!) Greta! Those lines are not in the
script! Greta: (Walking to and yelling at Fairy) I can’t (Drill -
believe he’s making- Drill stops) so much noise. Do they have to (Drill again with mimed words)…while I am saying my lines?
Wolf: I’m not feeling this. Director: You’re not on yet. Greta: (Turns and starts towards Alex.) What are you
doing?! (Turns to StageCrew) don’t follow me! (she walks back to Alex as Kent starts saw. Her arms waving as she seems to be yelling)
Director: (To Wolf. Shouting over noise) Listen! You’re
entrance is coming soon. Find something to do (Saw stops but Director’s line is still loud) backstage! OK!??
Wolf: (Walks off saying lines) OK, ok…it’s just that I
have so much to give. Fairy: (To Director) Do they have to be building right
now? Greta is out-‐of-‐control-‐angry! And frankly, I am…
Director: (Yells to set builders as tools start) Kent…Alex!
(Tools stop and he yells “Kent, Alex!” as noise starts again. He runs up on edge of stage. When tools stop again he hurriedly yells Kent Alex and
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they look up) You will have to do your power tools later. We are trying to run a rehearsal! (Crosses back down to chair)
Alex/Kent: Sorry. (Kent picks up 2x4 swinging it around
as Greta walks to the front of the stage. Fairy grabs her so she is not hit)
Greta: What are you doing?! Don’t shove me around! Fairy: Well, you were about to get…never mind. Can
we get on with this?! Wolf: (Poking in head) Yeah, right! Director: OFF! Wolf: You got it…I’m feeling (does quote mime)
“bathroom” right now! Greta: Where was I? Director: (Looking at notes.) You’re prancing through the
woods on the way to Granny’s house. Fairy: (Sarcastically) Being followed by this crew
person, here, carrying your gourmet stash of goodies.
Greta: That’s right. (Clears throat to get into character
again) I’m on may way to granny’s house. Picking up these breadcrumbs and throwing them deep into the woods. Skipping happily through the deep dark forest…throwing breadcrumbs off the path. Not talking to any strangers…throwing all these bread
34
crumbs…just minding my business…boy, there are a lot of breadcrumbs. Good thing I got rid of them. Now the path looks so nice and clean…
StageCrew: I am getting tired. Greta: (Stops) You’re not here. Remember!
Ohhh…who’s this on the pathway? (Enter Gretel)
BEAT 6 Gretel: Hi I’m Gretel. Greta: (Annoyed) Fairy. Is she supposed to be in this
play? Fairy: Just go with it Red. Greta: Dot. Fairy: (Pauses to gather patience) It’s another fairy
tale that needs a new ending. Where’s Hansel? Gretel: He didn’t show up. Director: Great. Just great! Greta and Fairy: This is ridiculous! Fairy: (To Greta) Well, at least we can agree on
something. Director: I’ve got this, ladies. Where’s the understudy for
Hansel?
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Stage M: (Heard from backstage) Hansel understudy, you’re on.
Understudy: Oh wow! This is great. But I need a script. Director: Stage Manager! We need a script! Stage M: (Enters thumbing through script) Got it. What
page are we on? Director: Um. 34. All right. Let’s take it with the entrance
of Hansel and Gretel. Greta: I’m still the star, right?! Fairy: You’re gonna see stars if you don’t go on! Director: Little Red, I mean Dot, keep going. Pick it up
where you see 2 kids on the pathway. Greta: OK, ok…(Snotty) Who are you? Fairy: BE NICE! Greta: OK! (Clears throat and speaks all too sweetly)
Who are you sweet little children on (Rude) MY path?!
Understudy: I’m Hansel. Gretel: And I’m Gretel. (to Hansel) You’re supposed to
stand on the other side of me. (Switch places and Greta is perturbed)
Greta: And why are you in my fairy tale?
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Gretel: Your Fairy Tale? Haven’t you heard of us? Hansel and Gretel?
Greta: No. I’m the star here. I’m Greta Starr. Understudy: Nice to meet you. Greta: Do you want my autograph? Understudy: Why? Greta: Why? Why? Because I am the most famous star! Gretel: Then why are you in the deep dark forest? Are
you lost? Hansel: (Enters eating gingerbread cookie) Sorry I’m
late. I found this huge gingerbread house on my way to rehearsal and stopped to take a bite of it.
Gretel: Hansel, you just ruined our story. Hansel: What? Gretel: We are supposed to find that house together. Hansel: I’m not sure I can find it again anyway. I came to
rehearsal a different way, you see… Director: We need to get on with the story. Understudy,
you’re not needed now. Understudy: Aw…gee! (Disappointed and exits) Director: Hansel, Greta is about to explain that she’s on
the way to Granny’s house. Gretel, you give the
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cue line “then why are you in the deep dark forest.” Let’s pick it up from there.
Gretel: Then why are you in the deep dark forest? Are
you lost? Greta: No. I’m on my way to my Granny’s…actually I’m
pretending to be on my way to Granny’s. I am actually playing the role of Little Red Riding Hood.
Hansel: (Attitude) I don’t think so. Where’s your red
cape? Greta: I chose this to wear. Isn’t it lovely? Look how it
twirls. H & G: (Impressed) Nice. Gretel: Listen. We know Little Red and she always
wears her red cape. Greta: But I’m playing the role for this production
today. I don’t really like the color red to wear. Hansel: Then you’re not Little Red Riding Hood.
(Looking at ground) Hey! Where’s our bread crumbs?
Greta: You mean the ones I saw all along the pathway? H & G: Yes! Gretel: We need them to find our way home! Greta: I threw them into the woods.
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H & G: What!! Hansel: We’ll NEVER find our way home now! (Gretel
begins crying. Hansel moans) Greta: Stop this! I can’t stand crying! STOP! Gretel: But we are forever lost! Greta: No you’re not! Just follow the path (looks back
and forth and then chooses) that way. Just keep going. You’ll find your way home.
Hansel: Are you sure. Greta: Ummm…yeah. Gretel: Thanks famous actor! Hansel: Yes. Thank you! Come on Gretel. Let’s see if we
can pick up that breadcrumb trail. Greta: (waves as they exit) Keep going! You’ll find those
crumbs! Keep going! (Nasty) Actually I threw them all off the path. But at least they’re gone and I can continue. (Happily) Skipping along in the deep dark forest. Minding my own business. Not talking to strangers…just walking and walking and walking…(To Director/Fairy with impatience) When am I supposed to meet Wolf?
Director: Wolf! (waits a beat) Where’s Wolf? Fairy: Wolf! Bartholomew Baron!
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Director: Stage Manager! Where’s Wolf? Stage M: (steps onto stage) Sorry, we can’t find him. I
sent someone searching. Sorry! (Into headset exiting) Find Wolf! (we hear offstage people calling for Wolf)
Greta: This makes me look so bad. StageCrew: Can I put this box down? Greta: NO! Fairy: Wolf’s debut and he’s missing…I knew I
shouldn’t have signed on to do this… Wolf: (Enters through audience) I’m sorry. Did you
call me? I went to the bathroom like you said. Props: (Walks in) Director! Do we have a plunger
anywhere? Director: Check the closet next to the bathrooms. Fairy: I can’t believe this! (Angry) Wolf! Get up here!
Let’s get on with this show…here’s Little…what’s your name now?
Greta: (Meekly) Little Dot No Hood. Fairy: (To Wolf) Little Dot No Good. Greta: (Correcting) That’s No Hood. Fairy: (Voce Sotto to Greta) That’s what I said…Little
Dot No Good.
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Greta: (Mouths and rolls eyes) O..K.. Fairy: She’s in the deep dark forest alone, except for
the part of the StageCrew (Crew tries to wave) …and she’s going to her sick Grandmother’s house with a huge box of food specially prepared by our own chef. Now let’s get on with this! (She huffs back to side stage)
Wolf: (Gets on his knees “Romeo” style) Where for art
thou going, Little Dot No Hood? Fairy: (Turns. Still angry) Play it straight…you’re a
wolf! Wolf: (Stands) But I’m an actor…I want to use my
talents. Fairy: YOU’RE A WOLF! Wolf: (Under breath) Geesh, who died and made her
queen? Fairy: What’s that? Wolf: (loud) I said…wait till you see this scene. Fairy: We are waiting! Wolf: (Clears throat. Not convincing) Gur-‐rowl. What
are you taking in that humongous box? Greta: I have selected a fine vegetarian meal for
Granny.
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Wolf: (Sudden interest) OH! May I partake of a sample?
Greta: NO! (StageCrew jumps almost dropping box)
These are made for my Granny who lives across the forest. I am on my way there now. Do you know the shortest way to get there, Mr. Wolf?
Wolf: Yes, indeed, I do, Little Dot No Hood. Go left out
of the parking lot. Then turn right on 14th Street then take another right onto…
Fairy: (Interrupts. Impatient) You’re in the woods! Wolf: (Complying) Follow this path and when it tees,
veer to the right. You can’t miss it. Good bye Little Dot…be careful of strangers! (To audience) While she is going the long way, I will take the shortcut and beat her to Granny’s house. I want to eat those goodies in that box. (He does a skip hop and exits)
INTERMISSION
(BEAT 7) newsroom and stage live feeds
Breaking News video. Lights up on the Newsroom
News Director and crew in place. Ryan Williams is at the desk. Activity is happening on stage as stage crew people are moving around, someone could be painting, set pieces carried across. Leslie Halt is standing downstage with the Director in conversation while activity goes on all around. In the news room, Makeup is applying powder, Assistant is shuffling papers, Director and News Crew are in discussion.
We may add lines as we develop this.
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News Director: We’re on in 4 minutes. News Crew: (shouts) On in 4!
News Crew scurries. Add things to do here.
News Director: We’re on in 10, 9, 8, 7, 6 (Mimes 5 through 1 and points to Ryan. We see Leslie receive message from her camera person that she’s on soon. Lights come up on her)
Ryan Williams: We have breaking news that the
rewritten fairy tale is well under way with the Good Fairy and Excelsior Arts Academy. Reports indicate that the rewrite is going well. Our very own News Leslie Halt is at the rehearsal where the cast is taking a break. Let’s go live and get an update.
News C: (Onstage with TB Director. Chaos is happening in
the background as he is being interviewed. We will add more during rehearsals) Thank you Ryan Williams. I am here with TB Director who is overseeing the rewrites. So TB, how are things going?
Director: Fabulously! Just as I expected. News C: Is Greta living up to your expectations? Director: Most definitely. She is so wonderful. Kind and
cooperative. (Director is distracted by Stage Manager who has a clipboard and consults with Director as Greta walks through followed by Wardrobe who is holding out shoes for her. She is yelling “I’m not gonna wear those. No way. I
43
want Gucci.” Wardrobe pleas, “But this is a play” Director waves off Stage M and attention back to Leslie Halt) Sorry. Where was I? Oh, Greta…she’s so easy to work with. She’s perfect for this rewrite.
News C: And what about the Wolf? Any problems? Director: (Not convinced) Not really. (Wolf crosses with
Security Guards at his back. He keeps trying to get away from them) But I’m glad Fairy insisted on the security guards. He’s…oh look. There he is now!
News C: BB Wolf! Can I have a word with you? Director: I have to go anyway and get ready for ACT 2.
(To camera) Make sure you come to see the show.
Wolf: Hello! It’s such a pleasure to be on television as
ME. (Guards are right behind him, menacingly) News C: Well, BB Wolf. Have you been able to redeem
yourself in the show? Wolf: Not really. I’ve hardly had any lines. Fairy just
won’t give me a chance. News C: So you’re not happy with the show? Wolf: I think ACT 2 features me, so perhaps I can
show my skills then. (Referring to Security Guards) Especially if these goons will back off. (To Guards) I’m not mean, OK?
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SG 1: Hey. We got a job to do. Wolf: (Backs away and then turns and hurries off as
they follow) Just leave me alone. Quit following me!
News C: (Turning to camera) Interesting development.
(TB Director and Good Fairy are obviously in heated conversation) I see the Good Fairy. Let’s find out how she sees this going. Fairy! Can you talk with our audience?
Fairy: (Not happy) Sure. What do you want? News C: We want to know how the rewrites are going.
Can you give us an update? Fairy: It’s absurd. News C: What? Fairy: This whole thing was a bad idea (TB Director
interrupts and swings Fairy out of the way to end interview)
Director: We really have to get on with ACT 2, Fairy. (To
camera) The cast and I are anxious for this play to come together. I think the audience will be thrilled. And I’m expecting Greta to win another Tony.
Fairy: (In the background) Yeah. A Tony for most
annoying actor in a new stage play. News C: (Wrapping up) Well, there you have it. Back to
you, News Ryan Williams.
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Back to live feed in News Room News A: Wow. Thank you, News Leslie Halt. It looks like
things are progressing with the show. We will continue to follow the play. This has been a news update. Good night.
Video ending news update Not live feed: Ryan Williams: What just happened there? News Director: I don’t know. Ryan Williams: That was just odd.
News Room empties as they chatter on way out. Lights up on stage for Rehearsal Act 2
BEAT 8 Director: Places everyone for ACT 2. Stage Manager: PLACES! Fairy: I hope this break helps everyone get focused.
(Greta and Stage Crew take places on the set) Stage Crew: (Puts box down) My arms are really getting
tired. Director: Act 2 is a lot shorter than Act 1. You should be
fine.
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Stage Crew: Thank heavens. I never really wanted to be onstage. But this is actually kind of fun.
Director: You’re doing a fabulous job. Stage Crew: (Picking up box) Thanks. Greta: What about me? Director: Oh Greta. You’re the star. I don’t expect
anything less. Greta: I know. Director: (To Fairy) This should go smoothly. Fairy: It better. Director: Greta…Little Dot. Let’s take it from the top of
Act 2. You’re on your way to Granny’s house through the deep dark woods.
Greta: Ok. (Clears throat and waits a beat) I’m on my
way to Granny’s house through the deep dark woods. (Skipping along. Crew person follows) Here I am at the tee in the road and Mr. Wolf said to veer which way? (To StageCrew) Crew Person. Do you remember? (As she’s looking back and forth Glenda enters)
StageCrew: I’m not here. Glenda: (She is always optimistic) Hello. (“Floats” to
Greta) Are you a good witch or a bad witch?
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Greta: I’m not a witch at all. (Hidden Munchkins giggle – Greta looks around not seeing them)
Glenda: Well…then is that (indicating Crew with box) a
good witch or a bad witch? Greta: Noooo…she’s not really here. That’s my box of
goodies. (Munchkins giggle) what is that annoying sound?
Glenda: (continues to smile and look around…then) Are
you lost? Greta: No…but you must be. (Munchkins giggle again)
What is that? Glenda: Those are the Munchkins. You can come out.
It’s safe. Come out. Come out. (Munchkins enter saying “hello” “how are you”. They are
always cheery. They swarm around her) Greta: Oooo…don’t touch me. They’re bratty little kids! 1 Munchkin: We’re not kids, we’re Munchkins.
(Munchkins giggle) Greta: Hey Crew Person…gag the Munchkins, will ya’? Crew: I’m not here…remember? (Munchkins giggle) Greta: Why are you in this Fairy Tale? You must have
made a mistake. 6 Munchkin: We did. (Munchkins giggle)
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Greta: Why are you always laughing? Glenda: These are Munchkins…and…they laugh.
(Munchkins giggle) Greta: (Raised eyebrows) OK…how did you get into my
woods? 3 Munchkin: We walked. 8 Munchkin: And walked. 10 Munchkin: And walked. 2 Munchkin: And walked. 5 Munchkin: And walked. Greta: (Getting perturbed) I get it! You walked!
(Munchkins giggle) 4 Munchkin: And then we got here. 1 Munchkin: This doesn’t look like Munchkin Land
anymore. Greta: (Raised eyebrows) Bingo! 11 Munchkin: And we lost the yellow brick road a loooong
time ago. Greta: (Irritated) Yellow brick road? 3 Munchkin: Right…we were following the yellow brick
road.
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7 Munchkin: Glenda told us to follow her. 9 Munchkin: So we followed her. 1 Munchkin: And suddenly, the yellow is gone! 3 Munchkin: And so we’re lost! (Munchkins giggle) Glenda: (Aside) They don’t know that I am colorblind. Greta: Well, you can’t be here! This is my story and I
am on my way to my Granny’s house. 4 Munchkin: What are we gonna do now, Glenda? Glenda: (To Greta) If you wouldn’t mind closing your
eyes and clicking your heels together three times, we will return to Munchkin Land safely. (Munchkins giggle)
Greta: What?! 2 Munchkin: Click your heels three times. 10 Munchkin: Click your heels three times. 7 Munchkin: Click your heels three times. Greta: All right already…(closes eyes with head tilted up
and she clicks her heels) There! (Pause and opens eyes, slowly lowers head and sees Munchkins who giggle) Why are you still here?
Glenda: (Points with wand to Greta’s shoes) You are
wearing the ruby slippers, aren’t you?
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Greta: Ruby slippers? Nooo…but I could use some really fast running shoes right now.
Glenda: That’s why it didn’t work. 1 Munchkin: Hey, that’s a cool coat. Greta: Thanks. Do you like my swing coat? 6 Munchkin: It’s awesome. Greta: Look…it twirls. Munchkins: Wow! Neato! Greta: Now…run along. 5 Munchkin: We can’t go…we don’t know how to get back
to Munchkin Land. 3 Munchkin: I know…let’s go with her to Granny’s house.
(Munchkins agree and jump excitedly) Greta: You can’t come with us…I mean, me…’cause it’s
only me. She’s not there. 8 Munchkin: (Pointing to legs under box) Who is that? Greta: Oh…never mind him. I told you she’s not here.
she’s just carrying my box of goodies. 9 Munchkin: Can we have some? (Munchkins giggle) Greta: NO! They are all mine! 11 Munchkin: Can we come with you to your granny’s?
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Greta: (Fabricating) No…there’s a mean and hungry wolf after me…yeah, yeah…and he likes to eat little people.
Glenda: Oh, dear. Then can you tell us the way to
Munchkin Land? Greta: Sure…I’ll tell you where to go…(Munchkins
cheer) Granny’s is that way (she points one way)…so you need to go that way. (She points opposite)
Glenda: Thank you Munchkins: Thank you…Bye! (Giggle as they exit) Greta: (Waving, yelling with fake smile) Bye and good
riddance…I mean, good luck…(Voice trails off and runs on the rest of statement) finding your way home now I must be off to Grannys’. Come on, Crew. (She exits and Granny’s house comes on with Granny sitting on chair covered in a blanket. Stool is beside her. Wolf, in spotted cape, at the door. Wolf knocks on the door)
(BEAT 9)
Granny: (In chair under covers. Pretends sick) Who’s
there? Wolf: It’s me. (Clears voice. Repeats in falsetto) It’s me.
Your granddaughter, Little Dot. Granny: Little Dot? Wolf: (In real voice) It’s a long story…just let me in. I
mean…(Falsetto) may I come in?
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Granny: Yes, dear. Come in and see your very sick
Granny. Wolf: The door won’t open. Crew 2: It’s just painted on. Wolf: (To Director) What should I do? Fairy: Just blow the house down. Director: Crew. As wolf enters, just move the house stage
right…That’s that way (He points) and Wolf you just walk through as they pass. Let’s try it. Granny, give Wolf your cue line.
Granny: Yes, dear. Come in and see your very sick
Granny. (Crew doesn’t move) Director: Crew! Why didn’t you move the house? Crew 2: The Wolf didn’t enter. Director: What? Crew 1: You said to move the house when Wolf enters the
house. Director: (Irritated) How can he enter the house if you don’t
move the house? Fairy: Aye Yi Yi! Director: (Calmly irritated) Move the house when Granny
gives the cue line, “Come in…and so forth”
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Crew 1 and 2: Got it. Director: Granny give the cue again. Granny: Yes, dear. Come in and see your very sick
Granny. (Crew starts moving Left.) Director: THE OTHER WAY! (They hurriedly change
direction and Wolf goes in) Wolf: (Enters as house set moves to stage R) Hello, my
dear, sick old Granny. Granny: Come closer, my dear, you know how my eyes are
failing. (Wolf approaches chair) Little Red, I think I am seeing spots.
Wolf: It’s my tacky new coat, Granny. Granny: My…what big ears you have. Wolf: The better to hear you, dear old Granny. Granny: My…what big eyes you have. Wolf: Well somebody has to be able to see. Granny: My…what big teeth you have. Wolf: The better to eat the fine vegetarian cuisine that
Little Dot is bringing. Granny: (Sits up in chair) You’re not my granddaughter!
You’re a wolf! SG 1: (Jumps up to help) I’m on this! (Granny screams
and Wolf jumps)
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Wolf: What?! Director: Not now, it’s fine. Granny take it from your line. Granny: (Sits up in chair, but eyes security guard. She is
hesitant on lines) You’re not my granddaughter! You’re a wolf.
Wolf: (Bows) Yes, ma’am. That would be Bartholomew
Baron Wolf, or better known as BB Wolf! Granny: Are you going to eat me? (SGs sit up straight) Wolf: I’m not gonna eat you, Granny. (SGs relax) Granny: (Surprised) You’re not? Wolf: No, no, no…I am actually a vegetarian. I want the
goodies that Little Dot is bringing. You should see the great cuisine she has in a great big box…there’s even vegetarian lasagna!
Fairy: (Firmly. Interrupting) Wolf! Carry on with the
story! Wolf: (Thinking) Ummmm…oh yeah…(Clears throat) I
won’t eat you because I’m a vegetarian. Granny: (Concerned) Oh, dear Wolf. I could tell something
was wrong…tell me about it. Granny will listen to you. (She motions for him to sit on stool)
Wolf: It hasn’t been easy being a wolf and all. I just happen
to despise raw meat…actually any meat at all. Granny: Oh my. That’s odd for a wolf.
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Wolf: I know. And the wolf pack has left me out. I’m a
lone wolf. Granny: That’s not good. What things do you like to do? Wolf: What do I like? (Excited, sits up) I like
decorating…making a house come to life. Granny: That’s interesting. I am sure you could find others
with the same interest. Wolf: Where? (slump back) Not in the deep dark forest. Granny: You are just looking in the wrong spots. Wolf: I never thought about that. The wrong spots. Granny: Tell me more about your decorating. This sounds
interesting. Wolf: (excited again to tell his story) I like to give
attention to details. Colors…shapes…even themes…
Granny: Ooooo…I like what I’m hearing. Wolf: You do? Do you know what it’s like to go through
life being so different from everyone else in the pack? I don’t belong. I am so lonely.
Granny: (Introspective) I know what you mean. Wolf: (Taking interest in her) You do…You mean, you’re
lonely too? You have a family and all. You’re granddaughter is on her way over here right now.
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Granny: Yeah…she’s on her way all right. But she wouldn’t be if I hadn’t pretended to be sick.
Wolf: You mean you’re not really sick? Granny: No. It’s my only way to get attention. I have to
come up with all kinds of ideas to get people over here to visit.
Wolf : Really? What do you do? Granny: (Chuckles) I get my son-in-law to visit because I
break things around the house…on purpose! Wolf: (chuckles with her) Really? That’s sneaky! Granny: I know. But it works. Otherwise I would never see
him. Wolf: That’s sad. Granny: You know what else I do? Wolf: What? Granny: I call UPS for package pick-up when the boxes are
actually empty… Wolf: How funny! Granny: They love it because I invite them in for coffee and
some food I just made. Wolf: Is that something you enjoy doing? Granny: What’s that dear?
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Wolf: Cooking. Is that something you like to do? Granny: I love to cook. I love to create new cuisines with
unusual ingredients. Wolf: (get up and paces) Let me get this straight…you’re
lonely…right? Granny: Right. (Lightbulb goes off) And you’re lonely too. Wolf: Right. (crosses down C) I like to decorate… Granny: (Stands and joins Wolf) And I like to cook… Wolf and Granny: (To each other) Let’s open a bed and
breakfast!
(BEAT 10)
(Little Dot and StageCrew enter) Greta: Hi Granny! Brought ya’ a box of goodies. (She is
ignored) Wolf: I’ll redecorate. Make this room a cozy country
setting…lilac walls… and yellow touches in the pillows.
Granny: I can make up a menu that will knock the socks off
the guests and keep ‘em coming back for more. Greta: Granny…see my beautiful swing coat…it twirls.
(She spins but Granny isn’t interested) Granny: (not really noticing) Nice, dear.
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Wolf: I’ll hang quaint and homey pictures and fill each room with fresh flowers…
StageCrew: I need to put this down! (she sets box on floor) Wolf: (Grabbing Crew tightly) Oh…looky…here’s a
crew person who can build a deck and put up a lattice gazebo.
StageCrew: But I’m not really here! Granny: (Grabbing Greta) I will put this spoiled girl to
work in the kitchen cutting up fresh baguettes and making those cute little radish rosettes…
Greta: (confused, scared) Granny! (Sees Mother and
breaks away) Mother! Help! Mother: (Enters) Little Dot…where have you been? I have
been worried about you? Greta: Granny’s going bonkers, Mom! . Granny: Oh…and here’s my daughter…she can do the
linens…Make up the beds each morning with crisp flowered sheets…
Mother: Granny…are you all right? Granny: (To Mother) Yes, dear. (To Wolf) We’ll call our
place…”Granny’s Country Cottage” Wolf: Where you can “Come in and Wolf down the fine
food”! (Pause) I can see it now…a little white picket fence all around the yard with a brick walkway leading up to the front porch…and I want the brick to be painted yellow.
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Glenda: (Enters with Munchkins) Did you say “yellow”
brick? Granny: Oh, look…our first guests! Munchkins: We found the yellow brick road! Yay!
(Giggles) Greta: NOOOOOO!!!! Fairy! Director! What’s the
meaning of this?! (Director comforts Little Dot as ENTIRE CAST gather in mime excited about the Bed and Breakfast)
Fairy: Oh my, oh my, oh my! I’ve lost control. I’ve got to
do something!
Fairy waves her wand: Scene freezes into a tableau, Fairy drops to floor.
(BEAT 11) Live Feed from News Room News Update video then LIVE:
Ryan Williams: Good Evening. Sources report that the
updated Fairy Tale is done and will be performed with the famous Actress, Greta Starr. Shows will run March 12, 13 and 14th at Middough Hall in Auburn. Our sources tell us that this show will be fabulous and Greta is expected to win a Tony! What do you think, News Leslie Halt?
News C: I think they did a great job. And I do think that
BB Wolf got to set the record straight. He was actually a very nice Wolf.
Ryan Williams: I agree. Thank you for tuning into
Your Best News’ special coverage.
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News C: This has been Your Best News… Cast: Signing off.
Video of News Cast Closing with Credits
Curtain Call