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COPYRIGHT NOTICE
20 Things You Need to Know before Consulting Anger Management
LEGAL NOTICE © 2011 – BeAwareEarly.com. All rights reserved.
The Publisher has strived to be as accurate and complete as possible in the creation of this manual, notwithstanding the fact that he
does not warrant or represent at any time that the contents within are accurate due to the rapidly changing nature of the Internet.
While all attempts have been made to verify information provided in this publication, the Publisher assumes no responsibility for
errors, omissions, or contrary interpretation of the subject matter herein. Any perceived slights of specific persons, peoples, or
organizations are unintentional.
In practical advice books, like anything else in life, there are no guarantees of income made. Readers are cautioned to reply on their
own judgment about their individual circumstances to act accordingly.
This manual is not intended for use as a source of legal, business, accounting or financial advice. All readers are advised to seek
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You are encouraged to print this book for easy reading.
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Table of Contents
What is anger? -------------------------------------------------------------- 5What triggers anger? ------------------------------------------------------ 7
When anger becomes a problem? ------------------------------------- 8
Who needs anger management? -------------------------------------- 9
Who are most vulnerable? ---------------------------------------------- 10
Not to do --------------------------------------------------------------------- 11Why control my anger? -------------------------------------------------- 13
Anger meter ----------------------------------------------------------------- 14
Anger misconceptions ---------------------------------------------------- 17
Anger as a Habitual Response ------------------------------------------ 19
Breaking the Habit --------------------------------------------------------- 20
The impact to my loved ones ------------------------------------------- 22
Can I be cured? ------------------------------------------------------------- 23
The Medication ------------------------------------------------------------- 24
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Am I safe with the group medication? -------------------------------- 26
The purpose of the group anger management --------------------- 28
Payoffs and Consequences ---------------------------------------------- 28How do I know if my child has a problem with anger? ----------- 30
Start Managing Anger at an early age -------------------------------- 31
Closure ----------------------------------------------------------------------- 35
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What is anger?
In the most general sense, anger is a feeling or emotion that
ranges from mild irritation to intense fury and rage.
Anger is a natural response to those situations where we feel
threatened, we believe harm will come to us, or we believe that
another person has unnecessarily wronged us. We may also
become angry when we feel another person, like a child or
someone close to us, is being threatened or harmed. In addition,
anger may result from frustration when our needs, desires, and
goals are not being met.
When we become angry, we may lose our patience and act
impulsively, aggressively, or violently.
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People often confuse anger with aggression. Aggression is behavior
that is intended to cause harm to another person or damageproperty. This behavior can include verbal abuse, threats, or violent
acts. Anger, on the other hand, is an emotion and does not
necessarily lead to aggression. Therefore, a person can become angry
without acting aggressively. A term related to anger and aggression is
hostility. Hostility refers to a complex set of attitudes and judgments
that motivate aggressive behaviors. Whereas anger is an emotion andaggression is a behavior, hostility is an attitude that involves disliking
others and evaluating them negatively.
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What Triggers Anger?
When you get angry, it is because an event has provoked your anger.For example, you may get angry when the bus is late, when you have to
wait in line at the grocery store, or when a neighbor plays his stereo too
loud. Every day events such as these can provoke your anger.
Many times, specific events touch on sensitive areas in your life. These
sensitive areas or “red flags” usually refer to long-standing issues thatcan easily lead to anger. Sensitivity may be revealed when someone
rushes us while we are completing an application or reviewing a
memorandum and may trigger anger because we may feel that we are
being criticized or judged as we were when we were children. This
sensitivity may also show itself in a more direct way, such as whensomeone calls us “slow” or “stupid.” Another example may be when you
recall a situation involving a family member who betrayed or hurt you in
some way. Here are examples of events or issues that can trigger anger:
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• Long waits to see your doctor
• Traffic congestion• Crowded buses
• A friend joking about a sensitive topic
• A friend not paying back money owed to you
• Being wrongly accused
When anger becomes a problem?
Anger becomes a problem when it is felt too intensely, is felt too
frequently, or is expressed inappropriately. Feeling anger toointensely or frequently places extreme physical strain on the body.
During prolonged and frequent episodes of anger, certain divisions
of the nervous system become highly activated. Consequently,
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blood pressure and heart rate increase and stay elevated for long
periods. This stress on the body may produce many different health
problems, such as hypertension, heart disease, and diminishedimmune system efficiency. Thus, from a health standpoint, avoiding
physical illness is a motivation for controlling anger.
Who needs anger management?
Men and women who are ordered by the courts to attend anger
management classes as part of probation for offenses ranging from
assault to injury to a child to road rage incidences, substance abuse and
mental health clients with concurrent anger problems, people who wantto save their marriage, teens with stemming aggression and violence
behavior etc.
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Who are most vulnerable?
In the anger management studies, the majority of patients were from
ethnic minority groups. Consistent reductions in anger and aggressive
behavior occurred in these groups, indicating that anger management
group treatment is effective. The events or situations that trigger
someone's anger may vary somewhat depending on his or her culture orgender. The cues or warning signs of anger may vary in this regard as
well.
Substance use and abuse often coexist with anger and violence. Data
from the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration'sNational Household Survey on Drug Abuse, for example, indicated that
40 percent of frequent cocaine users reported engaging in some form of
violent behavior. Anger and violence often can have a causal role in the
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initiation of drug and alcohol use and can also be a consequence
associated with substance abuse. Individuals who experience traumatic
events, for example, often experience anger and act violently, as well asabuse drugs or alcohol.
Not to do
Bottling it up. One way to deal with anger is to avoid saying
anything and walking away mad. This way of coping with anger is
usually ineffective as a) the problem doesn't go away, b) when you
think about what happened, you get angrier, c) over time, your
anger turns into resentment, and d) because you haven't tried tosolve the problem, you may feel discouraged and worse about
yourself.
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Getting defensive. If you react too quickly to feeling angry, you are
more likely to express unhelpful hostility towards others. When you
come across as bitter or antagonistic, it is more likely the otherperson will act hostile in return.
Pouring out. Physical or verbal aggression is rarely the best response
to an anger-provoking situation. Aggressive acts are usually
impulsive acts that are later regretted. Aggression leads to negativeconsequences for everyone involved and doesn't solve anything in
the long run.
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Why control my anger?
The compelling reason to control anger concerns the negativeconsequences that result from expressing anger inappropriately. In
the extreme, anger may lead to:
Violence or physical aggression, which can result in numerous
negative consequences such as:
being arrested or jailedbeing physically injured
being retaliated against
losing loved ones
being terminated from a substance abuse treatment or
social service programfeeling guilt, shame or regret.
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Anger Meter
One technique that is helpful in increasing the awareness of anger islearning to monitor it. A simple way to monitor anger is to use the
“anger meter.” A 1 on the anger meter represents a complete lack of
anger or a total state of calm, whereas a 10 represents a very angry and
explosive loss of control that leads to negative consequences. Points
between 1 and 10 represent feelings of anger between these extremes.The purpose of the anger meter is to monitor the escalation of anger as
it moves up the scale. For example, when a person encounters an
anger-provoking event, he or she does not reach a 10 immediately,
although it may sometimes feel that way. In reality, the individual’s
anger starts at a low number and rapidly moves up the scale. There is
always time, provided one has learned effective coping skills, to stop
anger from escalating to a 10.
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One difficulty people have when learning to use the anger meter is
misunderstanding the meaning of a 10. A 10 is reserved for instances
when an individual suffers (or could suffer) negative consequences. Anexample is when an individual assaults another person and is arrested
by the police. A second point to make about the anger meter is that
people may interpret the numbers on the scale differently. These
differences are acceptable. What may be a 5 for one person may be a 7
for someone else. It is much more important to personalize the angermeter and become comfortable and familiar with your readings of the
numbers on the scale. For the group, however, a 10 is reserved for
instances when someone loses control and suffers (or could suffer)
negative consequences.
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The Anger Meter
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Anger Misconceptions
Anger Is Inherited . One misconception about anger is that the way
we express anger is inherited and cannot be changed. Evidence
from research studies, however, indicates that people are not born
with set, specific ways of expressing anger. These studies show,
rather, that because the expression of anger is learned behavior,more appropriate ways of expressing anger also can be learned.
Anger Automatically Leads to Aggression. This is a misconception
that the only effective way to express anger is through aggression. It
is commonly thought that anger is something that builds and
escalates to the point of an aggressive outburst. As has been said,
however, anger does not necessarily lead to aggression. In fact,
effective anger management involves controlling the escalation of
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anger by learning assertiveness skills, changing negative and hostile
“self -talk,” challenging irrational beliefs, and employing a variety of
behavioral strategies.
People Must Be Aggressive To Get What They Want . Many people
confuse assertiveness with aggression. The goal of aggression is to
dominate, intimidate, harm, or injure another person to win at any
cost. Conversely, the goal of assertiveness is to express feelings of anger in a way that is respectful of other people.
Venting Anger Is Always Desirable. For many years, the popular
belief among numerous mental health professionals and laymen
was that the aggressive expression of anger, such as screaming or
beating on pillows, was healthy and therapeutic. Research studies
have found, however, that people who vent their anger aggressively
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simply get better at being angry. In other words, venting anger in an
aggressive manner reinforces aggressive behavior.
Anger as a habitual response
Not only is the expression of anger learned, but it can become a routine,familiar, and predictable response to a variety of situations. When anger
is displayed frequently and aggressively, it can become a maladaptive
habit because it results in negative consequences. Habits, by definition,
are performed over and over again, without thinking. People with anger
management problems often resort to aggressive displays of anger to
solve their problems, without thinking about the negative consequences
they may suffer or the debilitating effects it may have on the people
around them.
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Breaking the habit
1) Pause Button. Visualize pressing a pause button. This action will
allow you time to think and make a conscious decision.
2) Get involved in a cause. Find a group in your school or community
that is trying to make a positive impact on society. For instance, youmight volunteer with an environmental group or tutor younger kids
after school.
3) Exercise. Bike, jog, swim, or go to the gym. Exercising allows you to
release the stress and frustration.
4) Practice Relaxation Skills. Learning skills to relax helps control your
temper. Practice deep-breathing exercises or visualize a relaxing
scene. Other proven ways to ease anger include listening to music
and doing yoga.
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5) Think Carefully Before You Say Anything. This will help you avoid
saying things that you will regret or cause more trouble later.
6) Don't Hold Grudges. Be forgiving to the people who have angeredyou.
7) Go Somewhere. Take a short brisk walk or into another room
before responding to the situation.
8) Anger Log - Find the patterns that lead you to feel angry. Once you
identify the problem, you can then find a solution. Avoid Extreme9) Words – Avoid words such as “always” or “never;” e.g., “they are
always finding fault with me." These words are mostly not true and
can cause the situation to get worse.
10) Humor. You also can't be angry when you are laughing. It is easy
to take life's annoyances too seriously. Making an effort to see the
humor in our frustrations and aggravations can help to combat
angry reaction.
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The impact to your loved ones
It is hoped that this anger management will help substance abuse and
mental health provide effective anger management treatment to clients
who experience anger problems. Reductions in frequent and intense
anger and its destructive consequences can lead to improved physical
and mental health of individuals and families. Even when anger doesnot lead to violence, the inappropriate expression of anger, such as
verbal abuse or intimidating or threatening behavior, often results in
negative consequences. For example, it is likely that others will develop
fear, resentment, and lack of trust toward those who subject them to
angry outbursts, which may cause alienation from individuals, such as
family members, friends, and coworkers.
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Can I be cured?
The more techniques and interventions an individual has on his or heranger control plan, the better equipped he or she will be to manage
anger in response to anger provoking events. In studies at the SFVA
Medical Center and San Francisco General Hospital using this treatment
model, significant reductions in self-reported anger and violence have
consistently been found, as well as decreased substance use (Reilly,Clark, Shopshire, & Delucchi, 1995; Reilly, Shopshire, & Clark, 1999;
Reilly & Shopshire, 2000; Shopshire, Reilly, & Ouaou, 1996). Most
participants in these studies met Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of
Mental Disorders, 4th Edition (DSM-IV) (American Psychiatric
Association, 1994) criteria for substance dependence, and many also
met DSM-IV criteria for posttraumatic stress disorder. A study
comparing Caucasian and African-American patients found that patients
from both groups reduced their anger significantly (Clark, Reilly,
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Shopshire, & Campbell, 1996). Another study showed that women also
benefited from the intervention-that is, reported decreased levels of
anger (Reilly et al., 1996).
The Medication
Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) treatments have been found to beeffective, time-limited treatments for anger problems. Four types of CBT
interventions, theoretically unified by principles of social learning
theory, are most often used when treating anger disorders:
Relaxation interventions
Cognitive interventions
Communication skills interventions
Combined interventions
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This combined approach presents the participants with options that
draw on these different interventions and then encourages them todevelop individualized anger control plans using as many of the
techniques as possible. Not all the participants use all the techniques
and interventions presented in the treatment (e.g., cognitive
restructuring), but almost all finish the treatment with more than one
technique or intervention on their anger control plans. Some treatmentmodel is flexible and can accommodate racial, cultural, and gender
issues. The intervention involves developing individualized anger control
plans. For example, some women identified their relationships with
their boyfriends or partners or parenting concerns as events that
triggered their anger but men rarely identified these issues. Effective
individual strategies could be developed, however, to address these
issues, provided the women accept the concepts of monitoring anger
and having an anger control plan. There is treatment model also used
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successfully with non-substance-abusing clients seen in the outpatient
SFVA Mental Health Clinic. These clients were diagnosed with a variety
of problems, including mood, anxiety, and thought disorders. Thetreatment components described in this manual served as the core
treatment in these studies. Certain issues, such as anger related to
clients' family of origin and past learning, for example, may best be
explored in individual and group therapy outside the anger
management group.
Am I safe with the group medication?
The group leader reserves the right to call for a timeout. If a group
member's anger begins to escalate out of control during a session, the
leader will ask that member to take a timeout from the topic and the
discussion. This means that the member, along with the rest of the
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members of the group, will immediately stop talking about the issue
that is causing the member's anger to escalate. If the participant's anger
has escalated to the point that he or she cannot tolerate sitting in thegroup, the leader may ask the person to leave the group for 5 or 10
minutes or until he or she can cool down. The participant is then
welcomed back to the group, provided he or she can tolerate continued
discussion in the group. Eventually, group members will learn to call a
timeout themselves when they feel they may be losing control as theresult of escalation of their anger. For this session, however, it is
essential that the leader calls for a timeout and that member comply
with the rule. This rule helps ensure that the group will be a safe place
to discuss and share experiences and feelings. Therefore, failure to
comply with the timeout rule may lead to termination from the group.
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The purpose of the group anger management
Learn to manage anger Stop violence or the threat of violence
Develop self-control over thoughts and actions
Receive support and feedback from others.
Payoffs and Consequences
The inappropriate expression of anger initially has many apparent
payoffs. One payoff is being able to manipulate and control others
through aggressive and intimidating behavior; others may comply
with someone’s demands because they fear verbal threats or
violence.
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The release of tension that occurs when one loses his or her temper
and acts aggressively. The individual may feel better after an angry
outburst, but everyone else may feel worse. In the long term,however, these initial payoffs lead to negative consequences. For
this reason they are called “apparent” payoffs because the long-
term negative consequences far outweigh the short-term gains. For
example, consider a father who persuades his children to comply
with his demands by using an angry tone of voice and threateninggestures. These behaviors imply to the children that they will
receive physical harm if they are not obedient. The immediate
payoff for the father is that the children obey his commands. The
long-term consequence, however, may be that the children learn to
fear or dislike him and become emotionally detached from him. As
they grow older, they may avoid contact with him or refuse to see
him altogether.
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How do I know if my child has a problem with anger?
The following are some signs that your child may have a problem with
anger:
Your child often holds in their anger
Your child often gets into arguments with others, like parents,teachers, friends or classmates
Your child threatens to hurt others or damage other people’s things
Your child starts fights or hurts others
Your child’s behavior seems “out of control” when they’re angry (for
example, breaking things or acting wildly)
Your child has problems with the law
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Anger isn’t always a sign that something is wrong with your child. Your
child may just need extra help dealing with their anger. But anger can
be a part of a few different mental disorders like ADHD, oppositional-defiant disorder or conduct disorder. It can also be a sign of other
disorders, like anxiety disorders or mood disorders. People may be
easily irritated when they’re experiencing anxiety, depression or
mania (“high mood”). This can look like anger to others.
Start managing anger at an early age
All of us who are parents or who are involved with children and youth
can play a vital role in their lives by learning to be the best parents we
can be. How? By practicing effective parenting strategies from very
early on.
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One of the best opportunities for parents and their children to learn
effective parenting and anger management strategies is when children
get angry or have temper tantrums. If parents can manage theirreactions to temper tantrums well, they can manage many other
parenting situations.
Temper tantrums are a common behavior problem in preschool children
who may express their anger by lying on the floor, kicking, screaming,and occasionally holding their breath. Tantrums are natural, especially
in children who are not yet able to use words to express their
frustrations.
Tantrums typically occur at age 2 to 3 when children are forming a sense
of self. The toddler is old enough to have a sense of "me" and "my
wants" but is too young to know how to satisfy the want. Tantrums are
the result of high energy and low ability to use words to get needs or
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wants met. Sometimes temper tantrums in preschool children are the
beginning of patterns that lead to children becoming increasingly
disobedient, rebellious and aggressive as they grow older.
There can be many causes of temper tantrums. Some of the causes are
indicators of family problems: inconsistent discipline, criticizing too
much, parents being too protective or neglectful, children not having
enough love and attention from their mother and father, problems withthe marriage, interference with play, emotional problems for either
parent, meeting a stranger, rivalry with brothers or sisters, having
problems with speech, and illness. Other common causes of temper
tantrums include being hungry or tired.
Guidelines for Parents
1. Learn to deal with your own and others' anger.
2. Distract or redirect the child.
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3. Be prompt and brief with discipline.
4. Try to discover the reason for your child's anger or temper tantrum.
5. Teach children about intensity levels of anger.6. Set clear limits and high expectations for anger management,
appropriate for your child's age, abilities, and temperament.
7. Notice, compliment and reward appropriate behavior.
8. Maintain open communication with your child.
9. Teach understanding and empathy by calling your child's attentionto the effects of his or her actions on others.
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Thank you for purchasing this book. I hope it served you well to your
wellness and the wellness of that person close to you. Let this bookserve as a guide to control your bad temper to inappropriate aggressive
behavior. For people who result to total aggression, please consult a
physician, as only physicians who have the capacity to cure you. This is
just a guide to manage anger on a not sever cases. Guide that may help
you build back relations, self esteem and anger management. Thedecision is still in you, taking action is still the best result rather than just
understanding the theory. Your over all healthy mental wellness is a
piece that builds a better society. Let the good role model of the society
starts with you. Keeping a healthy relationship with your family, children
and friends slowly stops hostile anger from intensification.