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ACT I

Playwrites Notes: 1

The themes of this work is of modern topics, though many ofthe characters are written in a classic sixtiessuspense/drama type. The balance is very important to the

believability and the novelty of the piece. Like many moviesset in the 1960s "reality" is relative to what the plotneeds. Direction of the audiences eye is important to thebalance of comedy and drama. Indeed, it is intended to beboth simultaneously, not at the expense of either. Lightingshould be somewhat warm tones, lavish props (of the thingsthat are shown), with bright saturated primary colors incostumes or prop pieces where applicable.

Currently, upon its fourth rewrite, the main themes of thepiece is the following:

*The Obsolete Notion of Pride in ones job.

*The struggle and impossibility of simplicity (andbeing isolated). Henrys wish to be left alone.

*Being able to recognize opportunity.

*The Fickleness of people (notice how theiropinion of Henry changes instantly) and everyoneslove of spectacle and sensation (except Henry).

*A criticism of rich isolationism. And thecomparison between Bonnie and Henrysrelationship.

*My favorite subject matter: one event shouldntbe the whole judgment of a person, but often is.

I recommend letting the important dramatic points ring truefirst and then adding a layer of comedy on top of it. If atall possible do not lose the serious moments to the comedy,as so often happens in college productions. However, donteither take it too seriously and not ever put in comedictouches. For influences check out films like: The Thin Man,the many Charlie Chan films, the movie Clue, possibly a bitof Abbott & Costello... comedy meets serious... its a real

challenge... but often worth it.

Henry is painfully dry, his humor is in his disinterested,but not bored, reactions. He is only interested in his ownlife. He is proper, dignified, not snooty. Think RoddyMcdowell meets Michael Caine.

Bonnie does have "the Paris Hilton" conflict going on, butsomehow it doesnt go further than skin deep. One should

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CONTINUED: 2.

suspect that at the very center she is a shy, wishful personwho has had too many advantages and never had to fight foranything. Her self loathing should be played seriously, butat times to a ridiculous point so that its comedicallypathetic. Walk a fine line here.

Moe is the audiences reaction to Henry. He is the most

realistic. He is not cliche Muslim, he is Americanized andquite modern. He is also quick to criticize when thingsarent as they seem. He is somewhat biased and thinks thatall things are bound to be bad, but wants to believe theopposite.

Jimmy is a good boss, the best. He is serious, not writtenfunny. However, there is some room to play around with thischaracter. He could be somewhat nervous at times, the modernstressed out business person fearful of being fired. He isefficient and should be the opposite of Walt.

Passerby should be a proper looking person.

Scene 1 2

Henry Bouvier stands in front of building openingdoors for every person who wishes to enter. He isdressed in a long red coat that double buttons upthe front. A young middle eastern cab driver leansagainst a wall and talks to him. On the oppositeside of the stage a sign stands that reads: "Valet parking". Next to the sign a man waits patientlyfor cars. Engine grumbling can be heard zooming byand horns honking is a regularity.

HENRYNobody opens a door for ya anymore... except a doorman.And so it goes to say that a doorman must not expectanybody to ever open a door for him. If a person wishesto enter my establishment they encounter a ratherirritating problem, therein their path lies a closeddoor. Luckily for them this particular four starestablishment has thought ahead and employed a ratherhandsome and attractive man to open that door for them,and whats more to do it with a smile. See these teeth?These are the whitest teeth you will ever see in yourlife. There is no whiter hue in the entire world. I

guarantee it. However, if you think that opening doorsis the extent of a doormans duties then you aregrossly mistaken sir! It is my chief duty to use myunmatched smile to bring delight into the lives of anyperson who crosses the path of the Grand Hotel. It doesnot matter if they are guests or passers-by or a bum inthe gutter, all receive, for no extra cost to them, agenuine New York smile. Hows that for the greatestcity on Earth?

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The cabbies name tag reads MOE.

MOESounds like you go home with a throbbing jaw. Im sureglad I aint no doorman. I couldnt take it.

HENRYIt is a rough job, but very rewarding. You have theconstant worry that one moment youll slip up whensomebody important is looking and perhaps... heavenforbid... forget to smile. And then thats it, your jobis gone. An au-to-mat-ic door is put in and within dayspeople forget you were ever there. See that hotelcross the street MOE?

MOEYeah I see it.

HENRY

Well, that hotel up to about seven years ago employed adoorman just like me. Then one day, while the man wason a coffee break, the Queen of England came to stayunexpectedly. Story goes, she stood at the door waitingfor nearly thirty seconds before it was opened for her.Who opened it, you ask? It wasnt the doorman. He wastaking a leak inside. The one who opened the door forthe Queen of England was a dirty... wretched... bum--that had seen her arrive from his view in the gutter.Can you believe that? A paparazzi snapped a pictureand... well that was the last time the Queen of Englandever stayed at an American Hotel.

MOEWhat happened to the doorman? Was he fired?

HENRYYou dont see him now do you? Just goes to show thathappiness is fleeting. Yesterdays feast is tomorrowslandfill. We can just hang on as long as we can... butthen... we must adapt to the change. I resist change...I refuse it. I do not want to end up like that poorsoul and let one mistake dictate my life. So Iveresolved to forever be perfect.

MOEThats not realistic. Eventually something bad willhappen even if you are perfect.

HENRYI fear that day more than anything. I really do. Noroom for error in this unforgiving world. None at all.To err is human, to forgive... then again, who everforgives anyway?

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CONTINUED: 4.

(Catches a passerbys attention.)Morning maam. Nice day, huh?

MOEThat lady didnt smile back at you.

HENRYMust be from Jersey.

A valet, a twenty year old man, joins theconversation.

MOEWhose bags are those by you, Henry?

HENRYOh, well theyre my bags now... I suppose. TheyreBWTs.

MOEWhat are BWTs?

HENRYBags Without Tags. Unidentifiable, un-returnable, lostluggage. You wouldnt believe the number of people whojust forget to take their luggage with them.

MOEAnd they never ask for it back?

HENRYThey have six months to inquire about it and if nobody

claims it its off to the dump. Of course, since I amsuch a model employee and have been for the past sixand a half years they let me take it for them.

MOEIntersting! Hey, theres not any liquor, is there buddy?

HENRYNo, just a few shirts and a few books. You must havehad quite the night last night, MOE. You look wastedthis morning! Not your usual bright self.

MOEI have a headache you wouldnt believe. My headsspinning.

HENRYServes you right for having too much fun on a worknight.

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HENRYAfter work, my friend, we shall.

MOEStand up guy, you are. Ive always liked you.

(pause.)Thank god its a slow day.

HENRYDays like today test to see how strong we men in ourprofessions really are.

MOEI think Im gonna vomit.

Henry looks inward and sees a man about to openthe door for himself, he opens the door quickly.Out comes a man in a hotel uniform, earlythirties, with a name tag Jimmy.

JIMMYAlmost got you today.

HENRYWont happen again, sir.

JIMMYYou know Im kidding, Henry. How is everything today?

MOESlow. Painfully slow.

JIMMY

Well not for long. We have a special guest arrivingthis afternoon Henry. Remember Bonnie?

HENRYYes, sir.

MOENot her again! I think I had her in my cab last time.Blond, busting, beautiful... and the most importantalliterations... a blasted bitch. She thinks she canwalk all over us working class just because shes theowners daughter.

JIMMYAnd wouldnt you act the same if you were her?

MOEWell yeah... but thats totally not the same thing.Shes never happy. That is... unless her little loverboy Henry does it. He cant go wrong in her eyes.

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HENRYI just try to be of service.

MOEI just wonder what kind of "services" you offer her.

HENRYNot that kind, you sick twisted f...riend of mine. Buteverything else you can think of.

JIMMYHenry, she has given us a list of things to get forher. Ive already sent the entire staff scouring aroundthe city to pick up her essentials. When they get backshe wants you, personally to bring them up to her. Asusual youre job as doorman is secondary to herneeds-- whatever they may be.

MOE

Yes, whatever, sick twisted things they may be.

JIMMYWithin reason.

HENRYWell yes of course.

JIMMYMoe, I need to go and pick up her perfume right away.Can you give me a lift?

MOE

Ill pick it up for ya. What do you need?

JIMMYShe wants something with honey scent, its all shewears.

MOEHoney scent. Ill have to do some searching. Oh, andlook here comes the queen bee now!

JIMMYOh, god! Walt, go see to her luggage. Oh lord! Itsgoing to be a triple Valium day!

Jimmy runs after her offstage and lugs her luggageback on, just behind the beautiful Bonnie.

JIMMYMs. Stevenson, welcome back. Hows your father?

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9.

ACT II

Scene 1 3

Lights fade up on the interior of a lush penthousesuite and a window that we see at the middle of

up-stage. The owners daughter applies lipstickand stands up on the ledge of the window. Shedrops her lipstick from the window and watches itfall down. She smiles and then prepares to leap.Doorman enters with a package. He begins to cleanup a table holding a half eaten steak breakfastand juice, with a knife and utensils sittingnearby. He passes the window only glancing at her.

BONNIEWell? I suppose your thinking about stopping me,doorman?

HENRYDid you want me to see this or should I have knocked?

BONNIENo Im not going to jump. Though I want to.

HENRYThank heavens.

BONNIEAre you not going to at least ask me why I was about tojump out this window?

HENRYWell, I dont think its money problems.

BONNIEThats true.

HENRYThen I dont know. It could be anything.

BONNIEIm depressed.

HENRYDepressed? I see.

BONNIEDont you want to know why Im depressed?

HENRYI make it an effort not to intrude.

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CONTINUED: 10.

BONNIEAnd yet you forget to knock when you enter a ladiesroom.

HENRYYoure not just any lady.

BONNIEI know you dont love me.

HENRYI know I dont either. Thats why Ive never--

BONNIEThats why Ive never forced you. Truth is nobody lovesme. I am alone. Thats why Im depressed.

HENRYWell, frankly dear youre too controlling. Nobody likes

that.

BONNIEI cant help it. People need to be controlled. Or elsetheyre libel to make stupid mistakes. My father taughtme that. Damn him. He made me into a bitch and thatswhy I dont have one good friend in the world, exceptyou Henry.

HENRYWell I dont think jumping will solve your problem.

BONNIE

And how do you know that?

HENRYWell there isnt much time for making friends when yourfalling 79 stories.

BONNIEYoure right. Its a bad idea. Just like all my ideas.Whats that in your hand?

HENRYAn item you asked for?

BONNIEPerfume? For me? What a surprise!

HENRYSure it is. I was told you liked honey scent.

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CONTINUED: 11.

BONNIEYou were told right. Give it to me. I want to smell itone last time.

HENRYYoull have to come down and get it.

BONNIEYou do care, thank you for buying me this!

HENRYWhy do you play these games?

BONNIEI dont know but dont tell me to stop playing them.

Bonnie climbs down and snatches the perfume bottlefrom him, spraying herself with it.

BONNIEYoure not like the others. Why dont you suck up to mejust because Im the owners daughter?

HENRYI thought I was. I guess Im a simple man. I feel myjob as the door man is good enough. Assisting yousimply means that I can continue to work doing what Ilove.

BONNIEConfident too. I like you doorman. Your obsolete,totally replaceable, but not without your charm. Your

like a wall clock... who needs you... but what would aplain wall do without you?

HENRYThank you.

BONNIEWould you let me jump if you I asked you to?

HENRYI didnt believe you would jump even if you asked me tolet you.

BONNIEAnd why not?

HENRYYoure not a very good actor.

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CONTINUED: 12.

BONNIENeither are you.

HENRYIm not acting. I saw you on a ledge and I summed upthat if she hadnt jumped yet she wouldnt.

BONNIENothing ever seems to work out for me. Im too proud ofa woman to kill myself. Which brings me doorman to myimportant request. I wonder, doorman, ifyoud intervene in my fate, for a service of mercy.

HENRYI dont think so, Ms. Stevenson. Gnight.

BONNIECall me Bonnie. You know my name.

HENRY

Good night, Bonnie, then.

BONNIEI was named after the song. You know... my bonnie liesover the ocean.

HENRYIm familiar. You sing it to me every time we meet.Just after youve asked me to spend the night and Irefuse.

BONNIEWhat if you had no job? Would you refuse me then?

HENRYI would have no reason to speak to you at all then.

BONNIEYou are so callous. Is your mind that self-sustaining?

HENRYI am not complicated enough to be callous. I just dontcare. If your not a door, then youre not my concern.There are people elsewhere with big titles and biggersalaries who are paid to care and to help... therapistsfor one. Giggalos for another. Im neither. I amuseless and therefore I can do no harm and I need notworry.

BONNIEI want to die, doorman. I no longer wish to live. I ambored to tears with this life and I wish to begin thenext one. Do you understand what Im saying?

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CONTINUED: 13.

HENRYYou want to die-- then please excuse my interruption asI exit.

BONNIEYou dont understand! I cant simply leap out a window.

Theyd expect that! Those know it alls would look upfrom their cabs to see my falling body and you knowwhat theyd probably say "There goes that airheadBonnie again... jumping to conclusions." A suicidewouldnt be appreciated. Everyone knows Im a bitch.Nobody would care if I offed myself. Theyd cheer!

HENRYThey might.

BONNIEI insist that my death must be handled with the utmostcare. Thats what has been lacking... the spectacle.

Everybody always says you need a reason to live, well Ineed a reason to die. And thats it... I want to beinfamous in the way a murder can only make someone. Mymurder, by you. I want to be dead, here, in this room,by your soft hands. Listen, in that safe theres half amillion dollars. Its yours... Ill give it to you. Ifyou do this one thing. Kill me. Try to cover the crime.Tell you what you should do... hide me under the bed.Tell them I left unexpectedly, take the money and getaway from here as fast as you can... before they have achance to check the room. Then when they find me... ohthe shock!

HENRYYoure insane!

BONNIEYes! I am! But you dont understand! Ive been drivento insanity! You dont know how it feels to grow up onthe 79th floor, looking down on people. Everybodynormal thinking your a twit. Everybody rich thinkingyour one of them. It was awful for me because I had noperspective. Not like you. Not like simple oldpredictable you. A doorman, who would ever suspect?

HENRYIm not a bad person.

BONNIEIm asking you to kill me. Youd be a inhuman monsternot to do it. And think about what you could do withthat money. You could buy a hotel of your own.Somewhere far away. Stop being simple, think bigger!

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CONTINUED: 14.

HENRYMy very own hotel?

BONNIEWhatever you wanted. Think of the doors it would open!

HENRYNobody ever opens a door for me.

BONNIENot until just now.

Bonnie mimes opening a door and steps through.

BONNIEThis is the door of opportunity, doorman. Step through.Im opening it for you. Just you! Come on. Pick up thisknife, dance with me.

Bonnie hands Henry a steak knife and turns themusic up on the radio. They dance with the knifebeing held between them.

HENRYIt doesnt have to be me. You are in New York. Im surethat somebody can find their way to kill you for nextto nothing.

Bonnie, desperate, begins to flirt with him. Sherubs up against him.

BONNIE

Money is of no consideration. I want you to do it forthe same reason I order filet minion instead of a hotdog: piece of mind. Youre pure, delicious. Understand?

Long awkward pause.

HENRYYoure saying Im a piece of meat.

BONNIEThe best piece. Do it. For me. For yourself. Do it.Kill me, doorman.

They sway, to music, and dance. He picks up theknife into the air and holds it there in front ofher frozen. He slowly puts it down and gives itback to her.

HENRYYou dont know how tempted I am. Really. But all thesehigh ideals, theyre valueless to me. Maybe if youd

(MORE)

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CONTINUED: 15.

HENRY (contd)asked me a few years ago, but, now Im afraid I mustdecline. Im sorry. If you want to die youll eitherhave to kill yourself or wait like the rest of us.

BONNIE

Im not used to being refused, especially by my staff.

HENRYYou may fire me if you wish, but youll be losing oneof New Yorks best.

BONNIEYes, I believe I would be.

HENRYI know youre a rich woman, Ms. Stevenson but maybeyoull take my two cents. My opinion I mean.

BONNIEIm listening.

HENRYSomething, perhaps, that only the working classunderstands, is a certain pride in ones work. Itdoesnt really matter if you own your own hotel orclean its restrooms, or paint its walls, or opens itsdoors; sometimes its good to just be a small part ofsomething. And I like to think that the smallest cog isbetter off for its size because it has to work so muchharder to turn that wheel. It strives. Maybe thatswhats wrong with your life, Ms. Stevenson. Maybe

youve nothing to strive for. Anyway, thats what Ithink. If you still like to get yourself killed, I willcall you a cab to the worst neighborhoods in town. Iguarantee you wont be disappointed. I wish you luck.

BONNIEI suppose you know what your talking about... being soirreplaceable and all.

HENRYMy personality is my job security.

BONNIEYes, I see. And what a fine personality it is!

HENRYThank you.

BONNIEOh, doorman? One more thing. Theyre installing anautomatic door next month.

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CONTINUED: 16.

Bonnie runs into Henrys arms and stabs her selfin the stomach getting blood all over Henry andtaking his hand to the knife.

BONNIEGuess simplicity isnt in your cards, is it? My blood

is all over you. Let me live, and Ill tell em youattacked me. Your life will be ruined.

HENRYNo I wont have any part of this.

BONNIEAlright, then take the knife from my dangerous hands.

He takes the stub end and she thrusts herself onit again.

BONNIE

Oops. I slipped.

HENRYOh god!

Bonnie turns around, with the knife in hishand and and slips backwards onto it again.

BONNIEOh poor rich girl. Shes just so clumsy!

HENRYStop that!

BONNIEOh, Henry! Save me from myself!

Bonnie runs into his arms as if she will hug himbut stabs herself one final time.

BONNIEYouve done this before? Havent you?

Bonnie falls to the ground. Coughing and gagging.

BONNIE28, 45, 19... the combination to my safe. Take it,doorman. Get away. Make some use of that horriblemoney, stop being simple for once in your life. Thesweet life... its addicting!

HENRYIll tell them you stabbed yourself.

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CONTINUED: 17.

BONNIEAh, the simple truth, but nobody will believe it.People want the spectacle. Do as you wish, but sooneror later Henry, life will make you choose the rockierroad. God I could go for some rocky road ice creamright now.

Good bye Henry. Everything is getting dark. Im fadingaway! Good night, sweet doorman. Et tu? Et tu? Oh god,how I hate Shakespeare. What would I rather go out on?Oh yes. The song. My song:

My Bonnie lies over the ocean. My Bonnie lies over thesea. My BODY lies over the ocean. So bring back my bodyto me... to me... bring back my Bonnie to me.

Dies. Lights go black.

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18.

ACT III

Scene I 4

We fade up on the inside of lobby leading outsideto our first set. Henry enters. He holds a

newspaper over his face, carries two B.W.T. in hishands trying to escape without being noticed.

JIMMYThe penthouse? Thats Ms. Stevenson. Thank you wellcheck it out.

Jimmy walks further upstage, but continues towatch the action.

JIMMYHey, Henry.

Henry stops in his tracks, having snuck around theside of them and had almost escaped.

JIMMYYou just saw Ms. Stevenson? Is she alright? Police justcalled-- said they got a call about a woman standing ona ledge looking as if she were going to jump.

HENRYOh, no shes alright. When I went up there earlier shesaid she almost fell out of her window, but shes fine.Said something about getting out of the city. She lefta few minutes ago I think.

JIMMYOh, I didnt see her.

HENRYShe was in a big hurry to get out of here.

JIMMYAlright. Good to know.

HENRYWell, Im off for the day. Night Jim.

Moe enters and sees his friend.

MOEHenry! You taking off?

HENRYYes, goodnight.

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CONTINUED: 19.

MOEBWTs?

HENRYWhat? Oh yes. Been here a long time.

MOE Those look nice. Whats in them?

HENRYI dont know. Some clothes.

Moe takes one from his hand and the weight pullshim down.

MOEClothes for who, a knight of the round table? Thatsheavy!

HENRYOh, yes. Well, there are some dumb bells too.

MOEOh I see. Want some help out?

HENRYThat wont be necessary.

MOEAw. Come on. What are friends for?

HENRY

I honestly dont know. I can get the bags. Thank youanyway.

MOEAlright, suit yourself.

Henry drags himself to the door and then has ahard time opening it. Jimmy helps Henry.

MOEHey, your hands are full. Let me get the door for you.

Jimmy opens the door for a nervous Henry.

HENRYHmmm... guess life isnt so simple. I never wouldthought to have seen the day. Thank you, sir.

MOENo problem.

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CONTINUED: 20.

HENRYThank you.

Henry exits.

JIMMY

That was nice of you. I know he really appreciateskindness. Poor guy. Thinks hes still a doorman.

MOEYou trying to say hes not?

JIMMYNot anymore. Used to work at that hotel across thestreet, got fired, big scandal or something. I justhumor him and let him open a door for a few people hereand there. I could never really hire him. His names onevery blacklist in town! Plus hes not quite right inthe head, could never get over the shame of that. Could

never move on. But Ms. Stevenson likes him. Although, Idont think shed vie so hard for his attentions if sheknew who he really is.

MOEGuess that lifes pretty sweet. Stand and smile atpeople, open a door for a living. Free bags that peopleleave. I mean those last bags-- I can only imaginewhats in those.

JIMMYThose bags that Steven was taking outside? Thosewerent B.W.T. bags, those were Ms. Stevensons bags. I

checked them in myself. I thought he was carrying itout for her.

Jimmy looks out the window.

JIMMYSee that? Hes just loading into the back of your cab.Ms. Stevensons probably in there. Hope you aintexpecting a tip.

MOEOh no, not in my cab. Not that Crazy Ass Bitch.

Moe goes offstage. Jimmy turns away anda screeching car sound is heard. Moe runs in outof breath.

MOEOh my god! Henry just jacked my ride! Aw, man, Ithought he was nice guy too! Well there goes the lastof em!

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CONTINUED: 21.

Phone rings and Jimmy answers.

JIMMYHello? Would you repeat that? Oh my god.

Hangs up.

MOE Whats the problem man, hes getting away.

JIMMY(Aside.)

He finally snapped. At least we know hes human.(To MOE.)

Ms. Stevensons been murdered. Maid just found her.

MOEHenrys a car-jacker and a killer? I knew he wastrouble! I knew it from the second I saw him.Complicated master mind, probably planning all this

time.

JIMMYNo, he wasnt deceiving us. He just finally moved on isall.

MOESo thats it? Youre not calling the police?

JIMMYOf course I am. Its my job as manager. But, I thinkIll hold off a few minutes. Check out the room myself.

MOEWhy are you being so nice to a crazy bum?

JIMMYLets just say that Ms. Stevenson had all her basescovered.

Jimmy pulls out two small duffel bags and placesit on the table.

JIMMYMines to buy him time to get away. This one -- well Imsure this will cover the cab fare.

MOEYeah. I guess it might.

JIMMYWelcome to New York, my friend.

Lights to black.