Angelo State ' s Finest Paper Since Fal l 2006

Dreaming of You...Or Not, Yea Not Everybody dreams and everybody poops,

unless you’re Catholic. In which case,

“You’re a Naughty Child and That’s Con-

centrated Evil Coming Out the Back of

You.” We all have dreams, not just in the

sense of things we want to do with our

lives, but in the more conventional sense of

we sleep and they happen. As many of my

friends will attest, I personally have some of

the strangest dreams on the planet; and all

without the help of psychotropic drugs. I

am famous for my retelling of the dream in

which I destroy a Japanese marshmallow

statue, but that is a different story.

Today, however, I do want to regale you

with the dream I experienced last night as I

think it will be very enjoyable and incredi-

b l y f u n n y .

So, first thing was myself and a good friend

of mine, Bosephus, were deciding what we

were going to do for the night. After much

debate, we decided to head to a warehouse

rave in the middle of nowhere. Upon

arrival, we notice that there are two beauti-

ful young ladies seductively undulating on

the floor with glow sticks in their hands

and mouths. We instantly take a liking to

them and head over. We find that one of

them is a girl called Rachel and the other,

surprisingly, is my actual girlfriend, Sarah.

Well, the girl called Rachel drags Bosephus

over to her forcefully and begins to attack,

aka dance, with him. And I take Sarah and

we party like it’s 1999. After much dancing

and sweating, we all decide to leave the

party. We piled into an old late Model T

and drove down the road. Then suddenly,

our car breaks down and we sit trying to

figure out what to do. As luck would have

it, a mangy bushman comes along and

offers to take us to his house to get us

some gas. Upon arrival at his house, the

girls are whisked away to a backroom and

Bosephus and I are tied up with duct tape

and laid prostrate on the living room floor.

After what seemed like hours, the girls

return and are crying uncontrollably. In the

living room, there is a cuckoo clock on the

wall, a table with a hunting knife , a re-

cliner, a picture window to the backyard, a

tape measure on the floor and a Jose Can-

seco baseball bat. Under the table. The

bushman is gone for quite some time and

Bosephus and I cut our bonds with the

hunting knife and lay back on the floor just

before the man returns. He leaves again

after ensuring that we all are still in the

room. Bosephus and I look out the window

and see a row of huge bushes that we think

we can run to but dont know how far it is.

So we take the tape measure and exit the

back door and begin measuring how far

from the house to the backside of the

bushes and discover it is exactly 46 feet

before returning to the house. At this

point, the bushman returns in a chef’s

jacket and tells us he is about to film an

episode of Iron Chef America with Bobby

Flay, Mario Battali, and Rachel Ray and

that the set is right on the other side of his

house. He leaves and shortly returns, dur-

ing a break from filming, to check on us. At

this point, Bosephus looks at me and nods

toward the hunting knife. I understand this

to mean I should pick it up and attack our

captor. Well, Bosephus reaches for the Jose

Canseco bat and proceeds to smash the

cuckoo clock, insisting that if the clock

s t o p s ,

Ram of the Week 2

Weekly Rant 2

Quote of the Week 3

Facebook Invasion 3

Poetry Time 4

Who’s this? 4

Thoughts To Ponder 5

Brainteasers 5

Physics 8

Dante Residential 7

Colbert Cornert 5

Horoscopes 6

So Damn Awesome 6

Darwin Awards 7

Movies 10

Sudoku 9

Valentines Day 8

Around ASU 9

Included in this issue:

Volume 4, Issue 4

Ramdiculous Page

Picture of the WeekPicture of the WeekPicture of the WeekPicture of the Week

Peeing Your Pants Is the Coolest

Saturday – Lupercalia (excuse me? What did you

just call me?)

Sunday – My Way Day (there is no highway to

day…so do it my way or die)

Monday – Presidents Day (too bad we can’t

celebrate the current one)

Tuesday – Chocolate Mint Day (mmmm….

love them)

Wednesday – Introduce a Girl to Engineering Day

Thursday – Single Tasking Day (finally, I can just

do one thing at a time and it’s ok)

Ramdiculous ObservancesRamdiculous ObservancesRamdiculous ObservancesRamdiculous Observances

Submit your photos at ramdiculous.com

Iron Chef America

(dramatization)

Continued on Page 3

February 15, 2008

Susan B Anthony Day

Ignite @ 7:30 PM on Monday

Freshmen Bible Study @ 7:30 PM on Tuesday

Logos Lunch @ 12 PM on Friday

Awkwardness...

Having your friend tell you that he just

shaved his butt and now it feels

weird….

This section of the Ramdiculous Page is for things that

make a normal person feel awkward…

Submit your thoughts @ ramdiculous.com

Page 2 Volume 4, Issue 4 Ramdiculous Page

Weekly Rant

Ram of the Week John is a Freshman from

the glorious city of Freder-

icksburg, TX. (well there

was something that at-

tempted to be clever here

but the chairman and presi-

dent of the Ramdiculous

Page overruled the writer of

this column, cuz he is a girl,

not a homosexual as we

have written here before.)

Anyway, this guy is quite the

character. He enjoys skydiv-

ing, dolphin roping, turkey

poaching, and many other

adventurous activities.

In his own words:

“I plan on becoming a Min-

ister when I grow up (A

Lutheran Minister, so I can

get married… ladies :-P)”

Overall, he’s a pretty cool

guy. Oh, and this dude

kicks anus on the drums!

So the other day I was thinking/

eating (it happens a lot), and the

thought of bad food came to mind. I

know all of us have experienced it at

least on one occasion. You know,

that hot dog from the convenience

store that has been there for at least 8

hours. You know it’s really bad when

the skin has the consistency of a dry

ringworm infested lava patch. Yes, It

is gross, no, I haven’t ever had one of

those. I must say that I put myself

above that “kind” of food. I must say

that I abstain from the un-goodly

food. I should hope that you do the

same. The worst food I have probably

ever eaten was, undoubtedly, Mexi-

can food. I do admit, that some of

the whole in the wall restaurants are

in deed the best out there. But some

are also the worst. Some of the food I

have tasted from these places actually

tasted like canned worms in a hot

and nasty sauce of bear bile.

Then, there is the topic of coffee.

One of our readers actually presented

me with this idea. They said that the

coffee in the U.C. was ultimately

disgusting. And I actually agree. Since

I work at a coffee shop for my third

job, I would like to say that I know

what a decent cup of coffee tastes

like, and the U.C. coffee is definitely

not that. It tastes as though charcoal

was ground up and boiling water

poured over it. There can be two

solutions to this problem. First, one

could no use as much coffee as they

do. Too much coffee grounds means

a lot of burnt-ness tasting coffee.

Second, one could also use water that

is not at 50034839 degrees. I know, I

know…water could only get to boiling

temperature, but for the sake of

artistic writing, I don’t have to be

perfect. But I must give a shout out

to the awesome ladies that make the

breakfast burritos. They do an awe-

some job, and they are very cool

ladies. Just talking to them is fun.

They have such interesting stories to

tell.

Well anyways,

I love you

George Ferguson

There Will Be BloodThere Will Be BloodThere Will Be BloodThere Will Be Blood Paul Thomas Anderson's epic fable of the war between the base and the spiritual, loosely derived from Upton Sinclair's 1927 Oil!, is ambitious, deeply flawed and studded with sequences that achieve pure, majestic greatness. California, 1898: Alone in the vast, unforgiving desert and to the keening of Jonny Green-wood's horror-movie score, prospector Daniel Plain-view (Daniel Day-Lewis) works his hand-dug mine by day and sleeps in a small tent that barely provides shelter from the harsh nights. When an accident shatters one leg immediately after he finally finds silver, Plainview hauls himself to the near-est town, inch by torturous inch, to stake his claim. By 1902, Plainview has struck oil and acquired an infant, and by 1912 — when oil has been discovered all over the 31st state, tempt-ing poor landowners with visions of easy money — he's made his name as a first-class oilman. He's not a contractor — a craven intermediary who outsources the highly skilled work of drilling and rigging to fly-by night workers — but a plain-spoken oilman who stands by his work and his crew. He even brings along his 10-year-old son, H.W. (Dillon Freasier). But whatever success Plainview achieves bringing in other people's wells, real success eludes him: He won't be able to compete with corporations like Standard Oil unless he can find his own stake. Enter baby-faced farm boy Paul Sunday (Paul Dano), who sells Plainview the information that there's oil beneath his family's rocky spread near hardscrabble Little Boston. Plainview snaps up the Sunday land over the objec-

tions of Paul's pious twin, Eli (also Dano), and begins empire-building in earnest. Eli, meanwhile, establishes the charismatic Church of the Third Revelation, itself an empire in the making, and the stage is set for a lifelong enmity that warps both men's lives.

Where Sinclair's novel is a sprawling mix of politics, class consciousness, social satire and family dysfunction — for all Sinclair's muckrak-ing credentials, it often reads more like an Edna Ferber novel than The Jungle — Anderson's film is a stripped-down morality tale that delivers what the title prom-ises. Lewis' performance is equal parts searing great-ness and bombast, while Dano's quieter turn as Paul/Eli — since Paul vanishes from the narrative early and never returns, it's not defini-tively clear whether they're actually twins or whether Eli

is playing some sinister head game — is less flashy but insidiously effective. The long, wordless opening sequence is a tour de force, and there's brilliance throughout, but the excesses of the operatic finale seem forced when compared to much of what comes before. Not exactly what I was expecting, as I had no real knowledge of this film prior to going into the theatre, but overall I brilliant movie that shows us that no matter what we do, we will never truly be rid of greed, malice, or even over the top religious charlatan-ism. And yet, this film was quite entertain-ing, even if a bit slow paced for my taste. Overall, I’d have to say this movie is worth seeing and deserving of a B+.

--Kendall T Longbottom, Esq.

Nooma Bible Study,

Monday nights,

7:30 PM, Led by

Curt McNeely and

Seth Chomout

Quote of the WeekQuote of the WeekQuote of the WeekQuote of the Week “So I was digging in my belly button for lint, and I found a piece of corn.”

–James “Little Lady” Kelly

Page 3 Volume 4, Issue 4 Ramdiculous Page

Thoughts To Ponder

• Whenever an adult is kidnapped why isn't it

called adultnapped?

• Did Yankee Doodle name the feather, hat,

town, or his pony Macaroni?

• Can bald people get a hair line fracture?

we will

s t o p

time and not have to fear the man returning

anymore. Yea, well that didn't work, and the

man soon returned. Well, I still had the knife in

hand and Bosephus was going toward the man

to try and hit him with it. Unknown to us, the

bushman had acquired a Bowie knife and as

Bosephus swung, the bushman hacked the bat

in half with the knife. I jumped up almost

instantly and stabbed the man in the back,

trying to puncture his lung from the backside.

When that didn't work, I tried valiantly to slit

his throat but missed and barely grazed it. Well,

at this point the man had to leave again to

continue filming the episode. By this time, I

decided that I was going to end our captivity the

next time he came back to see us. Well, I lay in

wait for him and sure as the sun comes up in

the Left, he returned. I sprung into action and

tried to kill him with my encyclopedic knowl-

edge of anatomy. First I stabbed his arm, hoping

for the brachial artery, but alas I missed. I then

drove the knife, down to the hilt, into his chest

cavity but narrowly missed his lung and the

ascending aorta. Finally, in a last ditch effort, I

struck at his leg, going straight for the femoral

artery. I struck gold and he began to spurt blood

forth. By this time, he was just pissed off and

had to resume filming with Bobby Flay, so he

left to go back on the set where he promptly

bled out all over Kitchen Stadium, effectively

thwarting Mr. Flay’s attempt at “bringing in the

flavor of the Southwest” with is overly cliché use

of blue corn meal and chipotle peppers. And

then, I woke up.

I hope you all enjoyed this fantastic, awkward,

and incredibly random dream sequence. I know

I laughed when I awoke. Additionally, I also

found out that I had missed a phone call from a

very important person, the Queen of England.

That’s right, the decrepit old biddy herself! So I

need to go check that and find out what the

broad wanted. God speed, but don’t save the

Queen.

—Samuel Clemens

Continued from page 1

Which do you prefer,

Starbucks or Baker Street? invasion

Hey all you Ramdiculous

fans, here’s your

chance to get in

on the action.

We want to

hear from you

what you want

from us. We

are also

looking for

s o m e

help, so if

you can

write, let

us know,

send us some of your

stuff. How about pho-

tographers, if you have

some pictures send ‘em

our way. Are you a

artist, draw us a

cartoon. Do you

have an opin-

ion? Let

us know.

You can

help us.

S e n d

your sub-

missions to

us @

Both...I like to see busi-

nesses compete for my

patronage...muwahaha!

-Kurt Crenwelge

Starbucks! I wish it wasn't

so expensive though. =(

-Rachel Bloom

Baker Street, by far.

-Adam Fowler

I love Starbucks, but I think

I prefer Baker Street

-Kaysi Adams

The end has come, this is true. We are all excited. How about

you? It took too long, that’s for sure. It’s about damn time those

writers are here. Finally!! The strike is over! That’s right, over! O-

V-E-OVER! This means that all new episodes of our favorite

shows will finally be airing again. Oh how we’ve missed Lost,

The Colbert Report, The Daily Show, Days of Our Lives,

SportsCenter, Conan, and of course, now that it’s over, the writ-

ers are resurrecting Xena, Warrior Princess!! Hell Yes!!!

Drink: V8

Snack: Honey Buns

Meal: Turkey Melt with Pepper Jack Cheese Make sure you have at least one this week

$1.00 off Basket With Student ID

DDDDDDDDOOOOOOOO YOUYOUYOUYOUYOUYOUYOUYOU KNOWKNOWKNOWKNOWKNOWKNOWKNOWKNOW WHOWHOWHOWHOWHOWHOWHOWHO THISTHISTHISTHISTHISTHISTHISTHIS ISISISISISISISIS????????????????????????

If you do,

tell us at:

ramdiculous.com

And we will put your name in the paper.

LAST WEEK

Nicodemus (from NIMH)

Thanks to: Doug Parsons

Page 4 Volume 4, Issue 4 Ramdiculous Page

Glen Meadows Baptist Church would

like to invite you to its

college ministry!

We meet at the Lake House at 9:00 AM on

Sunday Mornings, as well as Tuesday evenings at

7:00 PM. Come early and stay late and use our

free washers and dryers, as well as the big screen

TV, free food and drinks, and a load of fun.

Come by and check it out.

Oh yeah, the Lake House is across the street from the Glen

Meadows, which is west on Knickerbocker. Take a left down

American Legion Road and it is the first lake house

on the right.

http://www.college.gmbc.org

For you who cannot get a hand on a Ramdiculous Page, we would like you to always be able to pick up a Ramdiculous Page. We are the voice of [some students at] Angelo State University, and we would like to invite all readers, students, faculty, bums, nurses, strippers, monkeys, fictional char-acters, and even Ram Page employees to enjoy us from anywhere in the world so check us out @

RAMDICULOUS.COMRAMDICULOUS.COMRAMDICULOUS.COMRAMDICULOUS.COM

ADVERTISE WITH US. If you would like your ad to appear in the Ramdiculous

Page, please contact us at ads@ramdiculous.com

Across from ASU

2424 Vanderventer

(325) 947-9462

I like steak

Steak is yummy

Steak feels good

Down in my tummy

I like pork

Pork tastes good

It is one

Amazing food

Brussel sprouts are

disgusting

POETRY TIME

Consumables of the Week Sponsored by:

Panama WEATHER:

Page 5 Volume 4, Issue 4 Ramdiculous Page

Brainteasers

Looking for a customized

website for your business?

seth@sethlife.com

(512) 567-4460

“In success, you

wouldn't be able to

say I'm

conservative or

liberal.

I'm part of the

blame-America-last

crowd.” Art by:

http://www.isthistomorrow.com/

80% of our readers prefer Colbert to Stewart

Rainbow

Hot Pocket

These are some

brainteasers, if you

don’t know what

they are go home…

the answers will be

down there next

week...

A L L

donkey haute E

E E

Y

E E

Ramdiculous Page Page 6 Volume 4, Issue 4

We regret to inform you

that this column has be-

come suspended indefi-

nitely due to the ongoing

Writers’ Strike. While

the writer of this column

stands to make absolutely

no money from this or

any other of his columns,

he nevertheless has de-

cided that until the Writ-

ers’ Guild can come to

terms with themselves

and the management

that he will not be writ-

ing about Stephen Col-

bert. Plus, he is tirelessly

still plugging away at try-

ing to get Mr. Colbert to

answer his efffing letters,

emails and phone calls

which have been con-

stant since the beginning

of this column. Until

such time as Mr. Colbert,

or his handlers, speak

with us, we shall write

awkward stories pertain-

ing to our experiences

with Mr. Colbert and/or

the Peruvian Whooping

Llama.

Thank you,

Ramdiculous Staff c/o

Samuel Clemens

Jokes You May or May Not Find

on Laffy Taffy Wrappers

Horoscopes

Q: If a woodchuck had a name, what would it be?

A: Phil (hahahahaha...maybe, it would be Frank)

Q: What kind of star could hurt you?

A: Star Jones (man, she’s fat lol)

Q: What’s yellow and writes?

A: A No. 2 pencil! (haha.ha.ha...yea, that’s real)

Aires- Under no circumstances

should you tie your shoes in prison.

Always wear crocks. You don’t need

to lace them up.

Leo- of course the moons are round.

Do you think I’m an idiot?

Sagittarius-- have someone cook for

you. Anything you make has the

potential to unleash the Ebola virus

on the world.

Taurus- The greatest of all people are

the ones that have everything to lose.

They are easy to blackmail.

Virgo- The ninja life is definitely not

for you. If you are a guy then you will

be castrated, but if you are a girl,

then, well, you are safe I suppose.

Just be careful.

Capricorn- Bicycles have to wheels

for a reason.

No Libra for you!

Gemini- Don’t wish upon a star. We

all know that’s stupid anyways. Stars

can’t grant wishes silly!

Aquarius- The best antidote for a

cold is to take your sinuses out. Or

do like my roommate and blow snot

all over the room.

Cancer- SAVE THE PANDAS!

Scorpio- You have a future in foot-

ball. After all, all you have to do to

be good at that is get fat. (I am now

the most hated person at ASU).

Pisces- Good deeds are misunder-

stood. Loadshofha adjkbnakdsh89….

spider on my keyboard.

WHY IS STEPHEN COLBERT

SO DAMN AWESOME?

Only when it is dark enough can you see the stars

John’s Words of

happiness

John The Evangelist

Writer of the Gospel

John The Ramdiculist

Future Pastor

John John John John

Meet Meet Meet Meet

JohnJohnJohnJohn

Ramdiculous Page

Ramdiculous Page T-Shirts?

If we were selling them, they would be ten bucks. If

we were selling them, you could go online to

Ramdiculous.com and order one.

Page 7 Volume 4, Issue 4

Darwin Awards (27 July 2007, Guadala-jara, Mexico) 24-year-old Jessica was working out in the Provincia Ho-tel's gym when she real-ised she needed some-thing from the floor be-low. Instead of picking up the phone, using the intercom, or just walk-ing downstairs, she de-cided that the open shaft of the industrial lift was the communications de-vice for her. So Jessica stuck her head into the empty shaft to shout to the people downstairs. And somehow, she missed noticing that the eleva-tor was coming up to-

wards her. If the eleva-tor had been going down, one could say that she was in no posi-tion to observe the ap-proaching lift. But, leaving aside the stupid-ity of sticking your head into an elevator shaft, if she was looking down, how could she miss the mass of metal inexora-bly headed her way? Since an elevator cage and a skull are both solid objects, one had to give. Let's just say, the elevator won. Jessica will be missed by her family, but not by the gene pool.

We also have the

RAMDICULOUS

PAGE

in color, online!

Page 8 Volume 4, Issue 4Ramdiculous Page

As an accomplished musician

who has swooneth the ladies

the world over, walking is very

vital to my persona. If you

don’t know how to walk as a

suave, sophisticated man, then

you don’t convey confidence.

If you don’t convey confi-

dence, you might as well be

that dude dressing up in the

Uncle Sam outfit in front of

some insurance office on Sher-

wood Way.

Take for instance, the person

who walks too slow. This re-

flects someone who wishes to

get nowhere in life, or was a

three-toed sloth in a previous

life. And yes I do believe in

past lives, because I Barry

Manimlow use to kick butt and

take names in my last one. On

the contrast, you might also

have the person who walks too

fast. This is someone who

usually rushes through things,

and as all women will tell you,

these type most often make the

worst lovers.

And of course you have the zig-

zaggers. I fear these individuals

the most because they pose the

greatest danger to the

“defensive walker”. Yes, just

like there is defensive driving,

there is defensive walking. A

good defensive driver not only

practices their own good driv-

ing habits, but also watches out

for the bad ones of others.

Logically, a good defensive

walker will walk not too fast or

not too slow, but at a constant

pace with chin up and chest

out like a silverback gorilla.

The only time the defensive

walker should change direc-

tions should be to avoid the

careless speeders or sloths, or

the ever dangerous kamikaze

walker. These walkers are of-

ten more dangerous than the

zig-zagger, fearlessly staying

their course of poor walking,

knowing full and well that

their tiny stature (compared to

Barry Manimlow of course)

will get them nothing but hurt.

Often it is I who must compro-

mise my defensive walker

stance if just for a moment in

order to dodge their dastardly

ways.

What is the best way to prac-

tice defensive walking? There

are two steps. The first is to

blindfold yourself. Do it now

while you are reading and then

you can tell your friends how

cool you are that you learned

how to defensively walk faster

than they did. The next step is

to walk. Don’t worry about

anyone else and what they’re

doing, just concentrate on

maintaining the correct stature

of a man with confidence that

doesn’t care if he gets hit by

that double-decker bus. Don’t

be discouraged if you fall into a

few potholes at first, often it is

the trap of other men less con-

fident than you who only wish

you to fail in your ways. Do

this my friends, and you will

truly be on your way to the life

of an accomplished musician

who walks in such a way to get

even the most infertile women

pregnant in a 45 mile radius.

By-:Barry Manimlow

How to Walk: Part 1 of a 3 part instructional miniseries

We consider today, “Red Wire - Blue Wire”....No, we are not making reference to any “Seussisms”, rather we seek once

more to increase the intellectual level of this publication through the discussion of topics of lasting content. The burning

question at hand?...Does the electricity that comes out of a red wire differ in any way from the that stemming from the

blue (or black) wire? For some, this may seem an odd question. Sadly, it is a rather prevalent question asked in many a physics lab. As scien-

tists, we, of course, have addressed the question and have devised several tests to shed a little light (pardon the pun from last week) on the

subject and put the whole issue to rest. So, let us look upon this subject with a rather keen eye*, and utilize our senses for science:

• The first examination of differences in electricity coming from various colors of wires was a test of taste. The hypothesis in this investigation

was: IF the black wire tastes like licorice and the red wire tastes like some red fruit, THEN they likely carry different electrical stuff. With

several wires of various color a circuit was formed by connecting the wires to a voltage source (40,000 Volt DC generator); testing ensued.

Several hours later (and after a tour of the local ER), the data was collected, analyzed, leading to the conclusion: All the wires tasted the

same Side note: other colors were examined with the same result.

• Since electricity has no smell, we felt that this investigation was futile. And, no matter how closely the wire was held to the ear, the potential

(pardon the pun) signal was hidden in the experimental noise, i.e., the screaming due to pain incurred upon electrostatic discharge in the

ear area. This inconclusive data only suggests that the sound differences produced in the wire by variation in color is not measureable with

our current (pardon the pun) experimental apparatus, i.e., the sound of the blue or red electricity has a poor signal to noise ratio.

• Finally, we decided to investigate the magnitude of voltage carried by each color wire, with the hypothesis that differences in color would

manifest via differences in voltage measurement. But, alas, for all cases the voltmeter read exactly the same, 40,000 Volts.

So, does the electricity that comes from a red wire differ from that of a black wire? According to our experiments, along with a thorough peer

review, apparently not. We are certain that whatever causes the “magic electrical energy” inside the wire is the same no matter what color the

outside of the wire is. You might think the study was a waste of time, but, like all good science, questions have led to discovery. We are currently

(pardon the pun again) working on the practical applications of fruit flavored wire insulation made safe and friendly for all ages.

*WARNING: Placing one's eye on a live wire, regardless of color, could cause slight discomfort, muscular twitching, and in some cases fire. We

feel that we must include this disclaimer for those reading who actually did think the electricity in the red wire was different from all the rest.

KNOWING KNATURE – by D’ino I’talles, affiliated loosely with the Angelo State Award winning SPS Chapter.

Years and years and years of

late night

s t u d i e s ,

early morn-

ing classes,

and couch

c u s h i o n

searches for

change just

so we can

stand tall,

smile, and

display a

crisp white

piece of

p a p e r .

What does

that paper

really mean?

With so many different fields

studies and jobs offered here

at ASU and across the nation,

how can one be certain of

what they

are getting

themselves

into? Statis-

tics show

that those

with a de-

gree are

going to

make more

money then

those with-

out, but

does that

mean their

job will be

a n y m o r e

spectacular?

Nope. Let me give you a little

insight of the nitty gritty be-

hind your “coveted” degree.

• Childhood Education-

get paid to be a kid

again.

• English- get paid to make

friends who smoke too.

• Studio Art- get paid to sit

in a room all by yourself

for the rest of your life.

• Drama- get paid to never

live in reality.

• Psychology- get paid to lie

to people.

• Computer Science- after

all those years spent as a

nerd you better get paid

well!

• Finance and/or Account-

ing- get paid to rip peo-

ple off.

• Journalism- get paid to

be publically opinion-

ated.

• General Degree- get paid

to never make up your

mind.

• Mathematics- what do

you get paid to do?

-Joan of Arc

Page 9 Volume 4, Issue 4Ramdiculous Page

Did you hear about the

shooter on campus?

This is what you might be asked.. Your

answer—“No,” unless you have:

A New ASUPD on Campus Alert System

Sign Up Now on

THERE WAS NO SCHOOL SHOOTING… SORRY TO SCARE YOU

That title is actually just to get

people’s attention. My article

this week is really about broc-

coli and all the good things it

does for your body…yeah…

broccoli… I’m just kidding,

this week I do in fact wish to

inform you as to the growing

problem on our beloved cam-

pus—the problem of ninja

monkeys. See the worst thing

about them is that they are

ninjas. (the second worst being

that they are monkeys, but

we’ll get to that later) The

problem with ninjas is they

can strike and be gone without

you ever knowing what hit

you. How can you defend

against such an enemy? The

answer is, you can’t! Or can

you? (cue suspenseful music)

No really you can’t. The only

hope any of us really have is

that we can somehow assuage

these monkeys’ thirst for

blood: their never ending

quest to avenge all their ances-

tors who we have enslaved in

zoos, coupled with their pure

hatred of our two-leggedness.

Yeah, pretty much we’re

screwed, but if we make every

attempt we can to be nice to

any monkeys we see, maybe it

will not go unnoticed. Maybe

they will at least be nice to

those who they see making an

effort. It’s really our only

hope. Otherwise, tomorrow

(well, Monday) you could be

on your way to class, holding

hands with your sweetheart,

and boom, he/she is gone,

and suddenly you’re holding

hands with a FREAKIN

MONKEY!! AAAHHH!!!!!

Yeah, so be careful, and be

nice to monkeys. They have

ninjas. And if any of you feel

your precious time was wasted

by reading this, I’m sorry. So I

leave you all with this parting

thought:

“Football isn’t fun anymore

when swords are involved.”

When Ninja Monkeys Attack By: George Orwell

Campus Reflections: What Your Degree Really Means

Ramdiculous Page

JumperJumperJumperJumper

1:20pm 4:20pm 7:20pm

Definitely, MaybeDefinitely, MaybeDefinitely, MaybeDefinitely, Maybe

1:40pm 4:40pm 7:40pm

Step Up 2 The StreetsStep Up 2 The StreetsStep Up 2 The StreetsStep Up 2 The Streets

1:00pm 4:00pm 7:00pm

The spiderwick The spiderwick The spiderwick The spiderwick

chronicles chronicles chronicles chronicles

2:00pm 5:00pm 8:00pm

MoviesMoviesMoviesMovies That We Want To SeeThat We Want To SeeThat We Want To SeeThat We Want To See

Page 10

e-mail: page@ramdiculous.com

To Bring *REAL* News to ASU

W E ’RE ONLINE

www.ramdiculous.com

ANGELO STATE'S FINEST

PAPER SINCE FALL 2006

R A M D I C U L O U S P O L I C Y Published every Friday and available to students on campus. This

newspaper does not express the opinions of any writer, editor, or

anyone affiliated with Angelo State University or the Texas Tech

University system or this newspaper. We welcome all letters. Please

include your name, position, and an email address. Letters are

subject to laws governing obscenity, libel and privacy. All submis-

sions are considered property of the Ramdiculous Page and will not

be returned. Submit your letters via our email,

page@ramdiculous.com. Opinions in any letter or writing are not

necessarily those of the staff, nor should any opinion expressed in a

public forum be construed as the opinion or policy of the admini-

stration. By submitting anything to the Ramdiculous Page, you are

giving the Ramdiculous Page permission to use your Facebook or

Myspace profile in any way the Ramdiculous Page deems usable,

unless expressed in writing. If you are a teacher you need not

worry, we will not use your profiles.

3114 Sherwood Way

San Angelo, Texas 76901

(325) 942-1937

Saturday: 8am—2pm

Monday & Tuesday:

6—9pm