RAISING KIDS

5 Superpowers That Parentsand Teachers ShareBYJamie Sumner

POSTED ON

January 30, 2017 (January 30, 2017)

Let me explain the demerit system. An untucked shirt equals two demerits.Disrupting class can earn you four. Five demerits lands you in Saturdayschool for one hour. Simple, right? If only motherhood were so clearly

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defined. How many minutes of timeout does one earn for dumping an entireplate of dinner on the floor? What about taking your diaper off and rubbingits contents on the walls?

As mothers we must forge ahead and retreat in distinct measures. But what Ialways hold to – as we march through potty training and manners – is that asboth teacher and mother, my end game is the same: independence andgrowth for the kids in my care.

After a decade in the classroom, and half a decade mothering, I found thesefive concepts to hold true on both fronts.

Patience

Being a teacher requires a certain level of censorship. You must always thinkbefore you speak, because your students look to you as the example of goodbehavior. If you lose your cool, they smell it like sharks circling chum.

My own children are the same way. They poke and prod to get a reaction.They want my attention and they will take it any way they can get it. The tensecond rule has been my touchstone. If I ask any of my children to perform atask and then count those age-long seconds before stepping in, they willusually comply.

Ten seconds can feel like ten years, but it will be worth it if it results inindependence. Parents know how to wait it out. We know how to play thelong game.

Repetition

You cannot teach someone how to write a proper introductory paragraph,much less an entire essay, without practice. No good teacher assigns onlyone draft.

Parenting requires the same level of repetition. How many times a day do

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parents remind our children to say, “You’re welcome” or take their plates tothe sink, or put their books back on the shelf, or that the tag goes in the backof the shirt?

It’s not wasted breath. It’s reinforcement of an idea that will nest in theirminds and eventually become second nature. We might feel like parrots, butwe know that one day it will sink in so we continue past the point of noreturn.

Discipline

Unfortunately, one cannot give demerits to one’s own children. But to behonest, demerits rarely work in the teaching world either. A punishmentsystem based on fear and negative consequences often leads to world-classrebellion.

The best way to discipline both students and my own children is to helpthem understand consequences. If you did not complete your homeworkassignment, you will not be able to participate in discussion with the rest ofthe class. If you did not put your dirty clothes in the hamper, you will nothave anything clean to wear tomorrow.

The learning of consequences is a lifelong lesson. Many adults are still siftingthrough this one, which makes the concept all that more important for us tocommunicate to our children.

Grace

I have had to apologize to my class more than once for the mispronunciationof a word, the definition of a certain archetype, a character’s last name. Noone likes the teacher who claims to know it all. Because no one knows it all.

As a parent, I find myself apologizing on a daily basis. I’m sorry I raised myvoice. I’m sorry I didn’t listen more closely. Inevitably, I hear my kids chirpback, “It’s okay, Mommy.”

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Children are great granters of grace. They’re resilient and earnest and theirunconditional acceptance has been my greatest lesson. Parents need thatgrace more so than teachers because we don’t clock out. Our home is theirhome, and we will take all the second chances we can get.

Perspective

It is easy to see the low test grades, the misplaced modifiers, and thetardiness and want to call it quits. But you have to keep trying because younever know which words you speak will get caught in the net and stay. I raninto a student at the grocery store, grown and married, who told me he neverforgot reading “Lord of the Flies” his freshman year.

As parents, we don’t often see the results of our efforts when our hearts needit most. There are long, dark days when we feel as though our kids havestolen our marbles and hidden them for good. But when our children finallyshare or help another child on the playground, and we glimpse the kind ofadults, spouses, and parents we hope they’ll grow up to be, we’re remindedthat the small stuff really does matter.

…

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Jamie Sumner

Jamie Sumner is a writer for Parenting Special Needs Magazine. Her articleshave also appeared in Tribe, Mamalode, Complex Child and Her View FromHome. She is the author of the website, mom-gene.com where she writes withhumor about infertility and special needs parenting. She lives in Nashville,Tennessee with her husband and three children.

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