10
Angelo State's Finest Paper Since Fall 2006 A Polite Response A Polite Response A Polite Response A Polite Response This is a rant, so beware. Last week, this paper published a letter to the editor that I, not being the editor, had no control over. However, since I write this column or whatever you want to call it, I can now take into my own hands the fate and future of the following print space. In response to the response to this paper’s content, Mr. Johnston Brown Stephenson, you sir, are a moron! You have no sense of subtlety, sarcasm, or subtext. The reason you are so against the articles of our paper is because you are a sad, sad man who likes to do nothing but tear down other people who are faster, stronger, smarter, better looking, heterosexualer, and more awesome than yourself. To that end, I would venture to guess that you were either abused, unloved, molested, or seques- tered for the duration of your child- hood because you were an embarrass- ment to your family. How can you sit there and say that people who do not have need of a job are “a no good, lazy so-and-so” when you know nothing of the situation of anyone but yourself, you self-absorbed, hedonistic tran- sient!? It is not the fault of George Ferguson that he recently came into a large sum of money and is able to no longer have to dredge through the muck and muddles of minimum wage labor! In point of fact, the reason he came into so much money and no longer feels it necessary to work is because his entire family, mother, father, sister, brother, goat and pet ferret were tragically and brutally killed in a freak gasoline fight fire accident! So don’t you go passing judgment on someone you know nothing about. Even if you had known that fact, it does not give you the right to complain about your life and your in ability to hold down or find a job. Maybe if you got off the couch more than once a day, cut your nose hair mustache and showered, you might be able to look moderately presentable to potential employers. You call Mr. Ferguson lazy and say that you refuse to pay taxes so he can mooch off of you and use food stamps and welfare checks, however, it is not the sole burden of YOU to provide for him if he really had to be on such government programs! That burden falls to all the American people! If anything, you would be paying a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of a cent to him indirectly. But, since that is not the case, and since you stated that you “refuse to pay your taxes,” I suppose I, being the good American that I am should call the IRS about Ram of the Week 2 Weekly Rant 2 Quote of the Week 3 Facebook Invasion 3 Thoughts To Ponder 3 Poetry Time 4 Who’s this? 4 Brainteasers 4 Colbert Cornert 5 The Johns 6 Horoscopes 6 Darwin Awards 6 Dante Residential 7 Physics 7 Sudoku 8 Movies 8 Included in this issue: Volume 5, Issue 4 Ramdiculous Page Picture of the Week on the boat Saturday— Big Whopper Liar Day (spread heinous untruths about Burger King) Sunday— World Alzheimer’s Day (forget whatever you had planned) Monday— Hobbit Day (dress like Bilbo, Frodo, Sam, Meriadoc, or Perigren… NOT Gandalf, he’s a wizard) Tuesday— Elephant Day (hug an elephant...or perhaps someone who resembles one) Wednesday— Schwenkfelder Thanksgiving Thursday— World Ataxia Day (lose control of your- self) Ramdiculous Observances Ramdiculous Observances Ramdiculous Observances Ramdiculous Observances Craig S Philip Johnston Brown Stephen- son (dramatization) Talk Like A Pirate Day September 19, 2008 Continued on Page 8

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Poetry Time 4 Weekly Rant 2 Craig S Philip Johnston Brown Stephen- son (dramatization) Angelo State's Finest Paper Since Fall 2006 Brainteasers 4 Darwin Awards 6 Who’s this? 4 Ram of the Week 2 Colbert Cornert 5 Ramdiculous Observances Ramdiculous Observances Ramdiculous Observances Ramdiculous Observances Quote of the Week 3 Facebook Invasion 3 Dante Residential 7 Talk Like A Pirate Day September 19, 2008 Thoughts To Ponder 3 Continued on Page 8 Volume 5, Issue 4 Included in this issue:

Citation preview

Angelo State ' s Finest Paper Since Fal l 2006

A Polite ResponseA Polite ResponseA Polite ResponseA Polite Response This is a rant, so beware. Last week,

this paper published a letter to the

editor that I, not being the editor, had

no control over. However, since I

write this column or whatever you

want to call it, I can now take into my

own hands the fate and future of the

following print space. In response to

the response to this paper’s content,

Mr. Johnston Brown Stephenson, you

sir, are a moron! You have no sense of

subtlety, sarcasm, or subtext. The

reason you are so against the articles

of our paper is because you are a sad,

sad man who likes to do nothing but

tear down other people who are faster,

stronger, smarter, better looking,

heterosexualer, and more awesome

than yourself. To that end, I would

venture to guess that you were either

abused, unloved, molested, or seques-

tered for the duration of your child-

hood because you were an embarrass-

ment to your family. How can you sit

there and say that people who do not

have need of a job are “a no good, lazy

so-and-so” when you know nothing of

the situation of anyone but yourself,

you self-absorbed, hedonistic tran-

sient!? It is not the fault of George

Ferguson that he recently came into a

large sum of money and is able to no

longer have to dredge through the

muck and muddles of minimum wage

labor! In point of fact, the reason he

came into so much money and no

longer feels it necessary to work is

because his entire family, mother,

father, sister, brother, goat and pet

ferret were tragically and brutally

killed in a freak gasoline fight fire

accident! So don’t you go passing

judgment on someone you know

nothing about. Even if you had

known that fact, it does not give you

the right to complain about your life

and your in ability to hold down or

find a job. Maybe if you got off the

couch more than once a day, cut your

nose hair mustache and showered,

you might be able to look moderately

presentable to potential employers.

You call Mr. Ferguson lazy and say

that you refuse to pay taxes so he can

mooch off of you and use food stamps

and welfare checks, however, it is not

the sole burden of YOU to provide

for him if he really had to be on such

government programs! That burden

falls to all the American people! If

anything, you would be paying a

fraction of a fraction of a fraction of a

cent to him indirectly. But, since that

is not the case, and since you stated

that you “refuse to pay your taxes,” I

suppose I, being the good American

that I am should call the IRS about

Ram of the Week 2

Weekly Rant 2

Quote of the Week 3

Facebook Invasion 3

Thoughts To Ponder 3

Poetry Time 4

Who’s this? 4

Brainteasers 4

Colbert Cornert 5

The Johns 6

Horoscopes 6

Darwin Awards 6

Dante Residential 7

Physics 7

Sudoku 8

Movies 8

Included in this issue:

Volume 5, Issue 4

Ramdiculous Page

Picture of the Week

on the boat

Saturday— Big Whopper Liar Day (spread heinous

untruths about Burger King)

Sunday— World Alzheimer’s Day (forget whatever

you had planned)

Monday— Hobbit Day (dress like Bilbo, Frodo, Sam,

Meriadoc, or Perigren… NOT Gandalf, he’s a

wizard)

Tuesday— Elephant Day (hug an elephant...or

perhaps someone who resembles one)

Wednesday— Schwenkfelder Thanksgiving

Thursday— World Ataxia Day (lose control of your-

self)

Ramdiculous ObservancesRamdiculous ObservancesRamdiculous ObservancesRamdiculous Observances

Craig S Philip Johnston Brown Stephen-

son

(dramatization)

Talk Like A Pirate Day

September 19, 2008

Continued on Page 8

Page 2 Volume 5, Issue 4 Ramdiculous Page

Weekly Rant

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US. If you would like your ad to appear in the

Ramdiculous Page, please contact us at

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Advertising Guidelines

1. Deadline for ads to be submitted is 5:00pm the

Monday before publication.

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4. Organizations/events may have more than one

ad, but no organization/event will be allowed

more than one-quarter of a page in ad space.

Ramdiculous Page will not advertise for any off-

campus event except in certain circumstances,* or

anything of questionable nature. This includes but is

not limited to:

• alcohol

• drugs

• tobacco

• illegal activities

*Exceptions to this rule will be determined the staff

of Ramdiculous Paper

Rambelle of the Week

Rebekah (Ferrari for

short) is one of the cool-

est girls around. She’s a

great friend, awesome

to hang around, and

most importantly,

she’s always willing to

proofread your papers

for you. This doesn’t

help me particularly since I’m allready a perfect riter,

but for most people it really comes in handy. So go

meet here, you’ll be better for it.

Today in the life of Roscoe, he

ate an orange. An orange soooo

orangey, that no matter what

anyone tried, the orangeness

could not get washed off. They

tried bleach. They tried

hydrogen peroxide. They tried

high toxicity chemicals. But

nothing would work. So,

Roscoe began his journey to

o r a n g e d o m . A n d b y

o r a n g e d o m , I m e a n

W h a t a b u r g e r b e c a u s e

Whataburger is predominantly

orange colored and they serve

juicy burgers which are

Roscoe’s fav of all time. He

walks to the front of the line,

headbutting even sweet old

cows that have been waiting for

a few hours. He storms the

counter, with flames of greed

spraying to and fro from his

already heated nostrils. He

slams his hoof down with

t h u n d e r o u s a u t h o r i t y ,

demanding that he be made a

triple meat mustard and mayon-

naise lettuce tomatoes pickles

and NO FLIPPING ONIONS!

And he demanded It now! The

staff was soooo scared and

wowed at Roscoe the ram that

they threw his burger of joy at

him and hit him in the face

then ran into the blue yelling

“don’t judge me!” waiving their

arms back and forth all willy

nilly like. This just happens to

be Roscoe’s favorite way of

eating his delicious food. So he

gets a lot of money meant for

hardworking students and gave

it to the burger place. And this,

dear readers, is how Whata-

burger can afford to cook your

food right when you order it.

I love you,

George Ferguson

News At A GlanceNews At A GlanceNews At A GlanceNews At A Glance Scientists now believe that rising global temperatures are

the cause for hot weather.

Elderly man buys the farm; plants corn.

Cat burglar makes off with thirty-seven calicos from Hu-

mane Society.

Motivational speaker gives inspiring speech to coalition

of hearing impaired Americans; he later expressed con-

cern that his words may have fallen on deaf ears.

Rebekah Crume

Ramdiculous Podcast…

Check it out on iTunes

Search Ramdiculous

Quote of the WeekQuote of the WeekQuote of the WeekQuote of the Week “[He’s] not going to “[He’s] not going to “[He’s] not going to “[He’s] not going to drink...he’s a teacher”drink...he’s a teacher”drink...he’s a teacher”drink...he’s a teacher”

Awkwardness...

*See Dante Residential, *See Dante Residential, *See Dante Residential, *See Dante Residential, we don’t know what that we don’t know what that we don’t know what that we don’t know what that guy was thinking...guy was thinking...guy was thinking...guy was thinking...

Page 3 Volume 5, Issue 4 Ramdiculous Page

Thoughts To Ponder

• How come people tell you not to stand in front

of an emergency exit when if there was an emer-

gency surely you would run through it?

• Why is it when your sleeping it`s called drool but

when your awake its called spit?

You know what really grinds my

gears... San Angelo's road

construction. This town has by far

one of the worst habits in America

of impromptu road construction.

Lately around the residential zones

near campus they have just dug

holes to replace pipe. We need new

pipes, but I am ranting about the

way they cover their trenches and

holes just by covering them with

limestone. Some day I suppose

they will come back and cover

them with blacktop that doesn't

match the already existing

pavement. Another great example

of how bad road construction is

around here is the loop. For those

of you not from San Angelo it took

over ten years for it to be com-

pleted. That's right, they did half of

it and took a few year break before

ever deciding to finish it. I could

go on with this subject for many

pages, so I'll keep it short and just

provide a list of San Angelo road

follies... Line painting during rush

hours on busy streets, the sewer

system built into the roads, some

10+ feet deep holes in Sunset all

last year, random "speed humps"

on every residential street you'd

want to use, and road construction

that last years.

What is your favorite What is your favorite What is your favorite What is your favorite

breakfast item?breakfast item?breakfast item?breakfast item? invasion Babies

-Miles Romine

Coffee, coffee, coffee!

-Sarah Bonham

Pancakes, like there was really

another option.

-Bryan Heath

cinnamon rolls with orange

frosting on them…

-Cassie Hernandez

Hey all you Ramdiculous

fans, here’s your

chance to get in on the

action. We want to

hear from you what

you want from us.

We are also look-

ing for some help,

so if you can

write, let us know,

send us some of

your stuff.

How about

p h o t o g r a -

phers, if you

have some pictures send

‘em our way. Are you a

artist, draw us a cartoon.

Do you have an opin-

ion? Let us know. You

can help us.

Send your

submissions to

u s @

What Grinds my gears

By: J-Dizzle

[email protected]

DDDDDDDDOOOOOOOO YOUYOUYOUYOUYOUYOUYOUYOU KNOWKNOWKNOWKNOWKNOWKNOWKNOWKNOW WHOWHOWHOWHOWHOWHOWHOWHO THISTHISTHISTHISTHISTHISTHISTHIS ISISISISISISISIS????????????????????????

If you do,

tell us at:

ramdiculous.com

And we will put your name in the

paper.

LAST WEEK

Flash from Justice League

Thanks to: James Kelly

Page 4 Volume 5, Issue 4 Ramdiculous Page

I am so lazy

I will not try

hard this week

So this poem

sucks

POETRY TIME

Drink: Apple Sprite

Snack: Jalapeno PoppersJalapeno PoppersJalapeno PoppersJalapeno Poppers

Meal: Grilled Chicken Alfredo Make sure you have at least one this week

$1.00 off Basket With Student ID

Across from ASU

2424 Vanderventer

(325) 947-9462

Consumables of the Week Sponsored by:

Good morrow to thee, femmes and lads. Miss Pha-

lange yet again with your post-modern interdigita-

tion...did that make sense? Neither does this lyric...

Have you ever seen a chevy with a - get like me

Have you ever seen a chevy with a - get like me

stuntin (stuntin) is a habit,

put it in the air,

Have you ever seen a chevy with the butterfly doors,

stuntin (stuntin) is a habit

Oh, David Banner. Words of wisdom...uh. How

about be yourself. And when you act like David Ban-

ner, pretty bugs will fly at your windshield.

Deuces,

Regina

LADY LYRICLADY LYRICLADY LYRICLADY LYRIC

Page 5 Volume 5, Issue 4 Ramdiculous Page

Ignite @ 7:00 PM on Monday

Freshmen Bible Study @ 7:00 PM on Tuesday

Logos Lunch @ 12 PM on Friday

“Sometimes it takes a crazy person to see the truth. If so, I'm a

freaking lunatic.”

80% of our readers prefer Colbert to Stewart

Art by:

http://www.isthistomorrow.com/

Would you like to go on VACATION???

EFCOLLEGEBREAK.COM

Call (512) 567-4460 for more info

Ramdiculous Page Page 6 Volume 5, Issue 4

Recently, our campus was visited

by a young-ish student from the

far away land of Lubbock, Texas.

Kelli Stumbo, the Student Re-

gent for Texas Tech, our flagship

institution, graced our fair cam-

pus with her shimmery, efferves-

cent presence this past Monday,

August 15, to sit in on the Stu-

dent Senate’s roundtable discus-

sion with the administration.

Kelli is a student of Texas Tech’s

Law School, presumably studying

to be some sort of a lawyer or

something like that. She is serv-

ing as the Student Regent be-

cause, as was overheard in a pre-

tend conversation, she “really

likes having to deal with lots of

problems and ridiculous ques-

tions.” Kelli said she was im-

pressed by our campus and facili-

ties here and that we have “at

least some change in elevation”

which we took to mean she does

not like flat things like pancakes,

crackers and/or paper (tough

luck kiddo, we ARE a paper!).

She was equally impressed by our

secret service detail that guards

our Student Body President, one

Seth “homo” Chomout, saying

that she “loves the head of the

S.S.” As Student Regent, Kelli is

privy to a lot of privileged infor-

mation, so we cannot divulge too

much about why she was really

here, although we can speculate

that, in our opinion, she is a

governmental spy trying to crack

the secrets of our university and

our famed, and disgusting, tradi-

tion of the gum tree. Many have

tried and many have failed to

understand the inner workings

of our penchant for the gum

tree, so we have no doubt that

she won’t get very far with her

secret agenda. Ms. Stumbo is a

cordial being of average-to-

astonishing height and has a

quiet brilliance that has earned

her the title of Student Regent.

Plus we heard that nobody else

wanted the job and she barged in

demanding the post. That, ladies

and gentlefolk, is the brief his-

tory of the Texas Tech Student

Regent, Kelli Stumbo. If you

have a problem, she won’t fix it,

but she can delegate it to the

right minion, for a price, who

can look up a partial answer to

your query. Take it or leave it,

that’s the best we’ve got.

Horoscopes Aries: Beware of Cheeseburgers, you

have just become lactose intolerant,

don’t even try the milk

Taurus: Sticky notes are your friend,

the only one you have.

Gemini: If you go to the Starbucks in

the UC and quack like a chicken you

will get a free small coffee.

Cancer: there is no hope for you, as

you are an incurable disease

Leo: Whatever you ask your professor

will come true.

Virgo: Buy new shoes today, just trust

me.

Libra: You will have a fused vertebrae,

will blow out a disk and

Scorpio: You will have fun if you go to

College Station today.

Sagittarius: You are wearing a blue

shirt today, you are being watched.

Capricorn: If you are reading this in

class, stop or you will get hit in the

face 3, 2, 1...

Aquarius: Do not under any circum-

stances put this paper down or you

will explode.

Pisces: Get this paper to an Aquarius

or you will explode.

Biography of a Traveling Student

by Roberto Gonzalez Jimenez Ricardo Jones,

If guns kill people,

do pens misspell

words?

John’s Words of Wisdom

John The Evangelist

Writer of the Gospel

John The Ramdiculist

Future Pastor

John John John John

Meet Meet Meet Meet

JohnJohnJohnJohn

This Day In The 1700s:

George

Washington’s

farewell address as

President.

Ramdiculous Page Page 7 Volume 5, Issue 4

For you who cannot get a hand on a Ramdiculous Page, we would like you to always be able to pick up a Ramdiculous Page. We are the voice of [some students at] Angelo State University, and we would like to invite all readers, students, faculty, bums, nurses, monkeys, fictional characters, and even Ram Page employees to enjoy us from anywhere in the world so check us out @

RAMDICULOUS.COMRAMDICULOUS.COMRAMDICULOUS.COMRAMDICULOUS.COM

Greetings once again! It is time once again to increase the intellectual content of this program

through the discussion of topics of lasting importance. On today’s agenda – Rocket Science: not what

you thought it was. Hyperbole time – Everyone has heard the phrase “it’s not rocket science,” but

what exactly is rocket science? What exactly are we comparing things to? Fortunately for us we have

our resident rocket scientists on hand to discuss the finer points of rocket science. Let us take a look

at what a rocket is. Firstly, it is highly expensive. NASA has rocket missions that are somewhere in

the $3 million range. Why so expensive? Production costs, redundancies, screw-drivers, fuel, and cheeseburgers. The more

redundancies built into the rocket ship the safer it is, but the cost of building said rocket goes up as well. Fuel costs for a

rocket are high too, but we’re not talking gasoline or diesel. No, we’re talking about liquid hydrogen and liquid oxygen.

This brings us to our second point about rockets – they are highly explosive. Hydrogen is explosive and oxygen allows things

to burn better. Take the two in a liquid form, mix them together and ignite the mixture. Now you’ve got a rocket and lots

of water vapor for exhaust! So now we kinda know the basics to what a rocket is. Now I’m going to throw in a bit of

science. We learned earlier that in order for an airplane to fly it used the principle of lift to overcome gravity. Rockets do

not do this. Instead they operate off of a different principle – thrust! When the rocket burns its fuel the explosive force of

the hot, expanding gasses is enough to overcome the pull of gravity. The more fuel you have the longer you can apply thrust

during takeoff. Now comes the sticky part. Let’s say our rocket weighs 1000 tons and that in order to lift 1000 tons you

need 500 tons of fuel. Uhoh, now our rocket weighs 1500 tons, and now we need 250 tons more fuel to lift it off the

ground. Oops, now the rocket weighs in at 1750 tons. See the vicious little cycle here? This is very problematic, but

somehow we must have overcome this in order to get to space. The simple answer is that we got a team of rocket scientists

to design an engine that used less fuel and produced more thrust. That’s why rocket engines have that cone/bell shape to

them (and on the inside they have even smaller bell/cone shapes). Rocket science might seem easy, but it gets harder still.

Now you’ve got your rocket ready for blast off, but how do you get it to where you want it? Ah the thrills of orbital

navigation. You cannot just aim at your desired target – it’ll be gone by the time you get there. Everything is moving

around the sun, so in order to get somewhere you need to aim at a place the destination will be in several days/weeks/

months/years. And still it gets worse – landing is a pain. So, the next time you think something is hard, realize that it could

be like rocket science – it could be harder. See you all around the galaxy!

KNOWING KNATURE – The Science You thought you knew

We also have the

RAMDICULOUS

PAGE

in color, online!

http://www.ramdiculous.com/dr http://community.livejournal.com/dante_res_comic/

Hey guys, what’s up? If you don’t read the Ramdiculous Page, I’m gonna kick your

butt… I’m a five year old tackle football player from

Dripping Springs, Texas and I am a freaking awesome

dude.

Ok sorry about that, the little guy loves to type… This

is Seth. So a lot of things happened this week, starting

with meetings about the new President’s Council

which will start meeting on September 25th and if you

are a president of any group on campus I would en-

courage you to attend, I will try to contact you this

coming week if I haven’t already. Next, I had the

privilege of meeting with the Student Regent from

Texas Tech, Kelli Stumbo. She is going to help out a

lot around here, and I know this because she spend

around 4 hours working with me to get some things cleared up. I have also worked

with both political party organizations to set up some new “after election” events,

they’re gonna be good. On Tuesday I met with the Director of Special Projects and

found out a lot about ASUFit, a new wellness initiative on campus, if you want more

information about it, come to the Senate meeting at 6:30 on Monday, or read about

it in the RamPage next Friday. Also as I understand it, the Clinic is working a lot to

gain some reputation, this process may take a while, but I think that it will start to

produce more satisfied customers. And how about that State of the University Ad-

dress? Who’s excited? Rallo that’s who. Come by the office, not today, but next

week, I won’t be there today...

A Note From Your SGA President’s Little Brother

Page 8 Volume 5, Issue 4 Ramdiculous Page

you and have them look into how much you

owe in back taxes to begin with. And after

that, I would personally like to come visit

you in prison so that I can lord over you the

fact that MY tax dollars, since I actually PAY

my taxes yearly, are what is keeping you eating three meals a day, watching your

precious MTV, and getting your human booster shot weekly by a guy named

Jenni. You should not be so quick to state your opinion, especially when it is

completely wrong and stupid. Keep your mouth shut next time you want to

speak because nobody wants to hear it from you, a jobless, tax evading, sloth

who is only happy when complaining about other people’s “flippant attitudes”

or scratching the bedsores on your large hindquarter. Truth, like bricks on your

fat head, hurts but get used to it because unlike you, other people DO tell the

truth when it needs to be said. And this was definitely one of those times!

Good day, sir.

— Samuel Clemens, Esq, DDS, MD, OBGYN, ADHD

RAGE

Continued from page 1

After two years of being a resi-

dent in San Angelo, I have found several

unique situational anomalies that this

fine town possesses. For instance lets

talk about drainage. Now, I don't mean

drainage as in " I have boogies running

down my face because I caught the cold,

that everyone in ASU has." or " Man, that

chick was hot last night!!! I think, from

what I can remember she was, but what is

the deal with this yellow discharge?"

Those kinds of drainage situations can be

fixed with Chicken noodle soup and peni-

cillin. I'm talking about the drainage

that does not exist, the drainage that

starts to rise off the road and before

long its the drainage that gets your an-

kles wet. The Drainage that will eventu-

ally spur the start of a ASU Rowing team

calling themselves the "DITCHJOCKIES".

Being the Optimistic person I am I see

the "slight" problem and am able to over-

look it. Mainly because of the FREE CAR

WASHES!!!! All you need is half a gallon

of gas and the ability to hydroplane vio-

lently all over the road, It takes even

less work if your car just thinks about

me in my man thong. Can your car say

"BOING"??? No silly, its a car stupid.

Pre-soap your car, drive through the

"drainage", watching out for the rowing

team, a few rags and some High school

cheerleaders and you have yourself a

CLEAN CAR!!!! BAMB SHAZAM BA-LAMA-DAMA-

DINGDONG, Barack Obama???

P.S.- Will the "hot girl" from last

night please give me a call, we need to

talk about financial compensation for my

Doctor's bill. Thanks

~sincerely your DayDreamer~

Page 9 Volume 5, Issue 4 Ramdiculous Page

My Dearest and Most Esteemed Edi-

tor of the Fantabulous Ramdiculous

Page:

I would like to say that I LOVE your

paper. Each Friday, I wake up at 4:15

in the morning just so I can be one of

the first, if not THE first, student on

campus to obtain your hilarity and

brilliance. Your paper makes my week

worth living through. Before you, I

often had no purpose for my life here

at ASU, save for sleeping through

class and eating copious amounts of

doughnuts naked in my bathtub. I

truly love and adore this paper more

than anything else I’ve experienced

here thus far. But, like a few others on

campus, I have taken issue with one

column of yours in particular. I speak

of course of “What Grinds My

Gears.” I have no problem with him

blatantly plagiarizing his title from

Family Guy, but his content is just so

idiotic. Do we really need to hear how

he feels about the price of a sandwich?

Surely there are more pressing matters

he could take issue with—like midget

strippers or intolerant Eskimos invad-

ing Cuba. His characterization that

people would starve except for Taco

Bell is just plain wrong. Taco Bell kills

you with their fatty, greasy foods faster

than starvation; plus it’s just gross

tasting which is why it is so cheap in

the first place. I do not ask that he be

canned or let go, simply that he force

his brain to function so that his

thoughts are of something that holds

meaning and relevance to us, the stu-

dents of ASU. I get that he is probably

poor and can only afford Taco Bell’s

cheap garbage food, but the rest of us

are poor too for the most

part...WE”RE IN COLLEGE! That’s

just part of life.

Lovingly,

Guinevere Ramona Campos

Letter to the Editor

Ways to form friendly bonds

100,000. Be James Kelly

10. Drunken Party

9. Superglue

8. Be a Siamese twin

7. Sex

6. Offer them Coffee

5. Help them cheat

4. Nuclear fusion

3. Get arrested

2. Buy new friends

1. Covalently

Hello ASU Students! I am one

of you, a college student, a

peon living in subservience to

classes, group projects, a part-

time job, and a perpetually out

of control laundry situation.

However—I am a senior. I

have developed the skills

necessary to survive (perhaps,

thrive?) in this intellectual

cess pool (uh, because it has

thriving and multiplying

organisms!) we call San

Angelo, surrounded by

a l c o h o l i c s w h o c a l l

themselves students. So

p l ea se , ema i l me a t

[email protected]

with your concerns, issues,

and questions.

Dear Pragmatic Patsy,

I have a very full schedule this

semester. Between school,

work, and trying to have a so-

cial life I find it hard to keep up

with my extracurriculars—

obviously, the coolest club in

campus, Libertarians for Free-

d o m , t h e U n d e r w a t e r

Basketweaving Club, Chess

Club, Proud Owners of Multiple

Cats (P.O.M.C), People

Opposing Opportunities for

Pansies (P.O.O.P)… Karoake

night… Monopoly…the list

goes on. How do I prioritize?

Extracurricular Extraordinaire

D e a r E x t r a c u r r i c u l a r

Extraordinaire,

Prioritizing seems to be number

1046th on your list of priorities.

So. Lets move that puppy up for

starters. I’d say… number one

on your list should definitely be

Karoake night. One day, who

knows… there may be a scout

for American Idol or a big time

record label. So that’s your best

bet. Beyond that, you’re on

your own. Just make sure you

do poorly enough in school to

still be cool, don’t get too

involved in your clubs or people

will think you’re a nerd (yeah,

that will be the dead giveaway).

Also, you should make time for

substantial amounts of TV

watching and video game

playing. You gotta make time

for some R&R. Obviously

“trying to have a social life” as

you put it is out of the question

for you. I’d stick to the clubs

where people are forced to hang

out with you and work.

Tenderly,

Pragmatic Patsy

PRAGMATIC PATSY

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