6
“If it matters to the USA family, it matters to us.” find us on Facebook Click on “The Vanguard USA” / check out our digital edition thevanguardonline.com / VOL. 50, NO. 16 V ANGUARD THE THE Who won JagIdol? P. 5 Special Online Edition Special Online Edition Sebastian Nature Trail dedicated Sebastian Nature Trail dedicated Financial Aid: Why you aren’t getting the help that you need Lockdown spurred from robbery, drugs PUBLIC RELATIONS Ribbon cutting ceremony at the Glenn Sebastian Nature Trail, now open. See TRAIL, page 3 See FINAID page 2 MAY 7, 2012 FINANCIAL AID DEPT. Graphic on the top of the Financial Aid’s ier for top tips. T he Glenn Sebastian Nature Trail Ofcial Ribbon Cutting and Dedi- cation Ceremony occurred Tuesday, May 1 at 4 p.m. The celebration took place on USA’s main campus at the entrance to the trails on Aubrey Green Drive, near the old repel tower. For the past six years, USA students in the earth sciences and biology depart- ments have been working to make this project possible. The project included widening the trails and putting up signage along the pathways, highlighting some of the natu- ral features and animals found along the trails. There is also a new information kiosk located at the entrance to the trails that includes a map, history of the trails, and information about the natural area sur- rounding the campus. There are four marked, measured paths as well as open paths. The marked paths include a 1-mile path, a 1.5-mile path, a 2-mile path and a 5K path. The open path circles the entire area of trails. Each path is notated by colored routes on BY CASSIE FAMBRO Editor-in-Chief BY KAYLN MCCLELLAN Staff Writer BY AARON ETHEREDGE Associate Editor The trail is named for Dr. Glenn Sebastian, longtime USA professor. Over 20 people attended the ceremony in honor. Director Emily Johnston of Financial Aid gives some useful information about the Financial Aid process that goes along with being a student at South Alabama "S tay on top of your business," were the words that Financial Aid Director Emily Johnston said May 2, 2012, with regards to receiving financial aid. For many students, applying to finan- cial aid is like hitting a brick wall. If a freshman is applying for the first time without help from a parent or older sibling who's experienced in this, it can be a massive mental barrier that a student must face when applying. Filling out the FASFA online and ask- ing for thousands of dollars in loans can be a scary thought if you don't know how it works. It's even scarier when you get bombard- ed with the tiny-text contract that you're required to sign at the end, agreeing that you'll pay back all of your loans, plus in- terest. To make this process as simple and as stress-free as possible, the Financial Aid department at USA has taken the initia- tive and compiled a neatly-designed hand- out of the top 10 tips that students need to know when applying for aid. This includes such simple things as checking your PAWS account daily, some- thing that people often neglect. "If they follow these top 10 tips, they will love us. They will love financial aid and their life will be so much easier." said Johnston. "Learn what the rules are; there are so many rules regarding financial aid, your eligibility, what classes you can take.... that kind of thing." said Johnston. A week after guns were pulled out of trunks and students expected Tom Cruise to come running, there’s an update on the lockdown lunacy of spring semester 2012 that made national news. The University of South Alabama Po- lice arrested Justin Sears, 20, of Mont- gomery Ala., for the robbery in the resi- dence halls that took place a week ago on Sunday, April 29. Sears is not a USA student. The sec- ond suspect has not been apprehended at press time, but according to USAPD Chief Zeke Aull, an arrest warrant is out. He is a black male with a thin build, dark com- plexion, and a short hairstyle. The unnamed suspect is also not a USA student. The victim of the armed robbery at a Delta residence hall had invited the two suspects into his room with the intent to buy marijuana, according to Aull. USAPD would like to thank the cam- pus community for its help with the case, and to call USAPD if they notice anything suspicious on campus at 251-460-6312.

5.7.2012

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Page 1: 5.7.2012

“If it matters to the USA family, it matters to us.”

fi nd us on Facebook

Click on “The Vanguard USA” / check out our digital edition

thevanguardonline.com/

VOL. 50, NO. 16

VANGUARDTHETHE Who won

JagIdol?

P. 5

Special Online EditionSpecial Online Edition

Sebastian Nature Trail dedicatedSebastian Nature Trail dedicated

Financial Aid: Why you aren’t getting the help that you need

Lockdown spurred from robbery, drugs

PUBLIC RELATIONS

Ribbon cutting ceremony at the Glenn Sebastian Nature Trail, now open.

See TRAIL, page 3

See FINAID page 2

MAY 7, 2012

FINANCIAL AID DEPT.

Graphic on the top of the Financial Aid’s fl ier for top tips.

The Glenn Sebastian Nature Trail Offi cial Ribbon Cutting and Dedi-

cation Ceremony occurred Tuesday, May 1 at 4 p.m. The celebration took place on USA’s main campus at the entrance to the trails on Aubrey Green Drive, near the old repel tower.

For the past six years, USA students in the earth sciences and biology depart-ments have been working to make this project possible.

The project included widening the trails and putting up signage along the pathways, highlighting some of the natu-ral features and animals found along the trails.

There is also a new information kiosk located at the entrance to the trails that includes a map, history of the trails, and information about the natural area sur-rounding the campus.

There are four marked, measured paths as well as open paths. The marked paths include a 1-mile path, a 1.5-mile path, a 2-mile path and a 5K path. The open path circles the entire area of trails. Each path is notated by colored routes on

BY CASSIE FAMBROEditor-in-Chief

BY KAYLN MCCLELLANStaff Writer

BY AARON ETHEREDGEAssociate Editor

The trail is named for Dr. Glenn Sebastian, longtime USA professor. Over 20 people attended the ceremony in honor.

Director Emily Johnston of Financial Aid gives some useful information about the Financial Aid process that goes along with being a student at South Alabama

"Stay on top of your business," were the words that Financial

Aid Director Emily Johnston said May 2, 2012, with regards to receiving financial aid.

For many students, applying to finan-cial aid is like hitting a brick wall.

If a freshman is applying for the first time without help from a parent or older sibling who's experienced in this, it can

be a massive mental barrier that a student must face when applying.

Filling out the FASFA online and ask-ing for thousands of dollars in loans can be a scary thought if you don't know how it works.

It's even scarier when you get bombard-ed with the tiny-text contract that you're required to sign at the end, agreeing that you'll pay back all of your loans, plus in-terest.

To make this process as simple and as stress-free as possible, the Financial Aid department at USA has taken the initia-

tive and compiled a neatly-designed hand-out of the top 10 tips that students need to know when applying for aid.

This includes such simple things as checking your PAWS account daily, some-thing that people often neglect.

"If they follow these top 10 tips, they will love us. They will love financial aid and their life will be so much easier." said Johnston.

"Learn what the rules are; there are so many rules regarding financial aid, your eligibility, what classes you can take.... that kind of thing." said Johnston.

A week after guns were pulled out of trunks and students expected Tom Cruise to come running, there’s an update on the lockdown lunacy of spring semester 2012 that made national news.

The University of South Alabama Po-lice arrested Justin Sears, 20, of Mont-gomery Ala., for the robbery in the resi-dence halls that took place a week ago on Sunday, April 29.

Sears is not a USA student. The sec-ond suspect has not been apprehended at press time, but according to USAPD Chief Zeke Aull, an arrest warrant is out. He is a black male with a thin build, dark com-plexion, and a short hairstyle.

The unnamed suspect is also not a USA student.

The victim of the armed robbery at a Delta residence hall had invited the two suspects into his room with the intent to buy marijuana, according to Aull.

USAPD would like to thank the cam-pus community for its help with the case, and to call USAPD if they notice anything suspicious on campus at 251-460-6312.

Page 2: 5.7.2012

VOL. 50, NO. 16 / MAY 7, 20122

SOUTHALABAMA.EDU

Follow USA Library on Facebook Click Here

It's hard for Financial Aid to keep track of 13 thousand students, so it falls to the student to know if he or she is meeting the requirements.

For a new student, he or she must register for just 12 credit hours of class-es and fulfill the income requirements set by the FASFA to be eligible for finan-cial aid.

Returning students, however, must maintain a 2.0 GPA along with 12 cred-it hours of classes. There are also time frame limits to how many semesters you can go to USA and receive financial aid.

According to the USA Satisfactory Academic Progress Policy found on Fi-nancial Aid's website, a student may not exceed 16 full-time semesters of finan-

cial aid. In addition to this, after 12 full-time

semesters students will no longer re-ceive a Pell Grant.

Some other issues that students should be aware of is that USA only dis-perses financial aid for 2 semesters per academic year.

This means that it's up to the student to save his or her unused money if he or she plans to attend summer classes.

But that doesn't mean that Financial Aid doesn't pay out to the students.

For the 2011-2012 year at USA alone, Financial Aid will pay an expected $130 million dollars to students in the form of financial aid.

Unfortunately, even with all this money awarded, there are still those who are having a hard time coming up

with tuition. "Financial Aid isn't keeping up with the cost of Higher Education," said Johnston

A freshman can only receive $5,500, which doesn't even cover tuition for a 12 credit hour semester or the cost of sup-plies.

When asked about other options to pay for college, Johnston was quick to say it's not a good idea, mainly because of how expensive private lenders are.

While this may put students in a bind, Johnston explained that it was not Fi-nancial Aid's fault for the lack of funds.

Financial aid amounts are deter-mined by the government, and Finan-cial Aid is unfortunate enough to be the department that is blamed for student's financial calamities.

They follow strict rules that are set in place by the Department of Education, and must follow those rules just like any other person follows the regulations of their boss.

While this may sound dismal, John-ston did give one final suggestion.

"I don't want this to be gloom and doom, but you know... you have to be aware that you have to come to college, you have to take enough hours, you have to stay in touch with your advisor, stay in touch on PAWS and email with Fi-nancial Aid and if you are engaged in your education other than just going to class, you'll be fine."

The Vanguard will do a follow-up in the fall on this issue. Please email us with your stories.

Continued from page 1

Financial aid presents challenges for cash-strapped students

Page 3: 5.7.2012

VOL. 50, NO. 7 / FEB. 27, 2012 3

for the latest on your forecast, severe weather updates, and what’s going on in the tropics, fi nd us on Facebook search “StormTeam4Gam-ma9Wx”

you can follow us on Twitter, toosearch “stormteam4g9wx”

and fi nd Patrick Bigbie on Twitter search “metwxpatrick”

May 7 - May 13

MondayMay 7

TuesdayMay 8

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7-D7-DAYAYJAGCASTJAGCAST

WednesdayMay 9

ThursdayMay 10

FridayMay 11

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SundayMay 13

“University of South Alabama’s Student Voice”

Editor in ChiefAssociate EditorSenior Reporter

Copy EditorLife Editor

Sports EditorWeb Editor

Cassie FambroAaron EtheredgeMatt WeaverCarey CoxBailey HammondJayson CurryNaquita Hunter

Editorial

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Johnny DavisAngela Davis

Distribution

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Graphic DesignerGraphic Designer

Wesley Jackson

Mark Crawford II

Brittany Hawkins

Rex McKay

Advertising

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Accounting

James AucoinJohn SellersKathy Brannan

Management

MissionThe Vanguard, the student-run

newspaper of the University of South Alabama, serves its reader-ship by reporting the news involv-ing the campus community and surrounding areas. The Vanguard strives to be impartial in its report-ing and believes fi rmly in its First Amendment rights.

Submission and

Editorial policiesSend letters and guest columns to:

The Vanguard University of South Alabama

P.O. Drawer U-1057 Mobile, Ala., 36688.

Or [email protected]

Letters and guest columns must be received by 7 p.m. on the Wednesday prior to the Monday publication.

Submissions should be typed and must include the writer’s name, year, school and telephone number.

All submissions become the property of The Vanguard. Unsigned letters will not be published.

The Vanguard reserves the right to edit letters and guest columns for length and clarity. Letters will be limited to 300 words. Letters and guest columns are the opinion of the writer.

The Staff Editorial represents the consensus opinion of the Editorial Board, which is composed of the Editor in Chief, Associate Editor, Copy Editor, Senior Reporter, and Opinion Editor.

All members of the Editorial Board have the same weight during weekly Editorial Board meetings.

The Vanguard has a commitment to accuracy and clarity and will print any corrections or clarifications.

To report a mistake, e-mail [email protected].

The Vanguard is published Mondays during the academic year, except for exam periods and vacations, and is published twice each summer.

The Vanguard is supported in part by an allocation from student activity fees and operates in the Student Media Department of the Division of Student Affairs.

Issues are available at most University buildings and select off-campus locations.

The first copy is free. Additional copies are $1 each.

It will be another warm and sticky start to the school week with highs near 90° on Monday and Tues-day! A cold front will be approaching the area, increasing the chance for thunderstorms across the area. Lows will be in the mid 60s for Monday and Tuesday nights. That cold front will move though on Wednesday, there-fore the chance for thunderstorms will remain in the forecast but, we will be cooling off after it passes to the mid 80s with overnight lows in the low 60s. Thursday and Friday will be mostly sunny with drier air and highs in the mid 80s. Another system looks to move across the area for the week-end, bringing with it more thunder-storms. Highs will be in the mid 80s with lows in the low 60s.

The Vanguard will be back June 4

In the mean time, look for Due South magazine

-A new USA tradition

At graduation, pick up the Tapestry-new-and-improved

For breaking news, visit our website and our Facebook page.

the main map and colored markers along the paths.

“We wanted to make this not only an enjoyable recreational activity, but also an interactive educational experience for students and the community,” said Dr. Miriam Fearn, Associate Professor of Ge-ography at USA.

“Our hope for this project is that more students will use the trails, not only to learn about the natural environment on campus, but also as a recreational av-enue,” continued Dr. Fearn.

Dr. Fearn also said that the trails are a great place to go to whenever stressed about school. “It is nice to get out on the trails and clear your mind. Nature is good for rejuvenation,” Dr. Fearn said.

Many students and faculty already uti-lize the trails, as well as many members of the community. Olu Awoleye, senior education major said he runs the trail ev-ery day, Monday through Friday.

“I love coming to the trails to exercise, have fun, and just relax,” Awoleye said. “I am glad that the trails have been wid-ened and are now being taken care of be-cause in the past it was hard to navigate through the trails when overgrowth got in the way,” stated Awoleye.

Awoleye added that he encourages others to come use the trails because he feels they are a safe environment, sur-rounded by campus and neighborhoods.

“As long as I have used the trails, I have never seen nor heard about any inci-dents of crime,” said Awoleye.

According to Dr. Fearn, SGA contrib-uted most of the funding for this proj-ect, but it was Campus Recreation that stepped up last year and really got the project moving.

“Without Brian Allred, a recreation co-ordinator, this would not have been the success it is,” acknowledged Dr. Fearn. “Campus Recreation made this a top pri-ority and now we have an exceptionally renovated recreation area for students and the community to enjoy,” Dr. Fearn continued.

USA Grounds Department spent the last week renovating the trail entrance and putting in a new gate that includes a pedestrian entrance as well as a bike en-trance.

The trail honors Dr. Glenn Sebastian, a University Professor Emeritus who joined the USA faculty in 1967 and retired in 2006. Dr. Sebastian has inspired more than four decades of USA students in the study of geography and continues to teach even in retirement. Dr. Sebastian served 25 years as chair of earth sciences.

Sebastian Sebastian Nature TrailContinued from page 1

Page 4: 5.7.2012

4 VOL. 50, NO. 16 / MAY 7, 2012

Tye Pelt has always wanted to drive buses for a living. That’s

how she ended up piloting a JagTran at the University of South Alabama.

Perhaps it’s a desire for routine, or a sense of communion with her patrons – she’s really not sure. Regardless of the reason why, Pelt has always enjoyed driving people where they need to go.

“I always envisioned myself driving for the Wave (Mobile’s mass transit sys-tem) but didn’t have the proper license when I made the decision,” Pelt recalls.

Both public and University transpor-tation requires that all drivers first ac-quire their commercial driver's license (CDL). To prepare for her test, Pelt earned a chauffeur’s license and drove for a local limousine service. Upon ac-quiring her CDL in 2007, Pelt reached out to the Wave, hoping for her first bus-driving opportunity.

Unfortunately, the Wave had a full roster and wasn’t hiring additional driv-ers. Pelt was, however, recommended for a possible opening at the University of South Alabama, driving for its ex-panding JagTran student transporta-tion service.

The University launched JagTran in 2005 with a startup staff of 24 drivers, mechanic, and auxiliary staff. The office

of student transportation also hires up to five part-time drivers that serve as substitutes when the primary drivers are sick or on a break.

Pelt’s day is routine in that she drives the same passage every day. Driving in circles for two hours at a time, Pelt starts her day at 7 a.m. and drives un-til her break from 9 a.m. to 10 a.m. She transports students again from 10 a.m. to 11 a.m., at which point lunch is served until noon. She completes one fi-nal stint, from noon to 2:30 p.m. before calling it a day.

It’s easy to assume that an occupa-tion of driving in circles must be dull, but Pelt insists that’s not the case. She’s become a fixture in the student commu-nity and many students say she is their favorite driver.

“I’ve met a lot of interesting people,” Pelt said. “I’ve started to recognize my regulars, and we’ve exchanged years’ worth of stories. It’s really my favorite aspect of the job.”

Dennis Gassert is in charge of the program and is quick to remind stu-dents about the shuttle’s positive im-pact on campus. Like his drivers, he has a lot of pride in what JagTran has accomplished over the past seven years.

“This is a way of life for our drivers, and it’s very much a serious profes-

sion,” Gassert said.Most of JagTran’s staff arrived from

a public school or city transit back-ground. One employee is a military vet-eran, proving that it’s a profession that welcomes all types. But like Pelt, Gas-sert even has employees that are just starting their careers.

BY MATT WEAVERSenior Reporter

There are two new JagTrans that will be painted over the summer. Larger and more spacious, students have given the new trans positive reviews in transport.

FAMBRO / EDITOR

JagTran: Employees part of USA’s family

Out on the Town Magazine Editor Mike Halterman named top infl uence in the south for GLBT rights

The Vanguard sat down

with Mike Hatler-man, Editor-in-Chief of Out on the Town magazine, the deep south GLBT maga-zine.

VG: How old is your publication?

MH: Out on the Town's fi rst issue was September 2010. We have published monthly (every month except January) since then.

VG Why did you begin it?

MH: One thing I noticed on the Gulf Coast was that we were getting magazines from Atlanta, New Orleans, even Miami, that spotlighted their GLBT nightlife and communities, but nothing for South Ala-bama, nothing for Northwest Florida, etc. I created the magazine to fi ll the clear need of our own GLBT media because we were quite frankly past due in having something for ourselves.

VG: How can it be accessed? IE: Loca-tions, website.

MH: In Mobile, people can pick up the magazine for free at B-Bob's, 213 Conti St.

In Biloxi, the magazine is available at Just Us Lounge, 906 Division St.; and at Club Veaux, 834 Howard Ave.

In Pensacola, the magazine is available at Emerald City, 406 E. Wright St.; The Caba-ret, 101 S. Jefferson St.; Top of the Town, 15 E. Intendencia St.; among others.

Our website is at www.outonthetown-mag.com and our facebook is http://www.facebook.com/outonthetown

VG: What drives you?

MH: My drive is being able to serve the GLBT communities across our region, and serving them well, because for so long there was no voice for us; we didn't have our own media. So my drive is to make sure that never occurs again, that we will always have this voice.

VG: How important is it to be named one of the top 40 under 40?

MH: I learned of the news about two months before the spread was made live and I'm still over the moon about it. I'm just so honored and blessed that the magazine is getting national recognition, and fi nally there's a GLBT-related story coming out of the South that's positive for once!

VG: What message do you hope to con-vey to the deep south?

The message I want to convey is that there are other people out there who share similar stories and interests here.

GLBT people are everywhere, even down here. Some people may feel like they're alone and hopefully if they run into our magazine, they'll know they're not, and they'll know where to go to fi nd people like them if it isn't immediately evident in their daily lives.

BY CASSIE FAMBROEditor-in-Chief

Nametitle

Pelt’s a relative newcomer to the business and the University but doesn’t want to work anywhere else.

“I love it here,” she says.Judging by her popularity, the feel-

ing is mutual.

Page 5: 5.7.2012

VOL. 50, NO. 16 / MAY 7, 2012 5

Tyler Hayes stands with host Josh York after winning fi rst with a “land-slide” victory.

MATTHEW LEE/JAGTV

Tyler Hayes wins fi rst-ever

JagIdolBY CASSIE FAMBRO

Editor-in-Chief

When temperatures are soar-ing, finding the most com-

fortable and stylish outfit can be hard to do. You will find yourself battling on what is the best fabric, the most fabulous vivid colors, or the most comfortable shoes to wear.

Summer is approaching and ev-eryone is trying to find out how to still look cute and still keep cool from the summer’s heat.

Maxi dresses have always been the number one outfit when it comes to summer fashion. They are cute and

very colorful. “I think dresses are in, I think dresses are a big thing now. Anything that’s a bright color is in. Bright colors are making a fashion statement now.

Forever 21 have a great variety of colorful dresses and skirts. A good trend is showing a little skin,” said Antoinette Keith, a senior at the Uni-versity of South Alabama.

Sometimes trying to find the brightest color to wear can be a bad fashion trend. This summer, wearing the brightest color is acceptable.

“I would wear pink. Bright yel-low is cute to wear depending on your skin tone, ” said Latoya Jones, a

freshman at the University of South Alabama.

There are a lot of trendy styles to rock this summer, such as polo’s, cropped paints, tunics, and prints are really making a statement this year. Even wearing designer’s cloths are a must this summer. “I would choose a Ralph Lauren style polo and with some khakis. It will be a good trend for people to wear. I think a lot of people are picking up on that trend, boys as well”, said Antoinette Keith.

“I think colorful high waist pants are in. Pants that are linen and cot-ton will help you stay cool,” said Latoya Jones, a freshman at the Uni-

versity of South Alabama. “I think wedge shoes are a fashion trend for the summer. It’s more summer ap-propriate.”

The war has begun and every re-tail store are going to be packed with shoppers.

The question of what to wear to school or on a vacation is a battle in itself. With all the summer trends you read in magazines or see dis-played on a mannequin; the best fashion trend is to create your own unique style.

Most importantly, remember to wear clothes that will keep you cool from the scorching summer heat.

BY SHALLON SMITHContributing Writer

Summer fashion should be comfortable and cool

Tyler Hayes, 21, of Irvington, Ala-bama won the fi rst JagIdol competi-tion hosted by the University of South Alabama Communication Depart-ment’s JagTV.

JagTV General Manager Matthew Lee organized JagIdol as a directed studies project, and it became the number 1 most-watched JagTV show of all time.

Lee hopes the show will continue after he graduates this semester. “I am proud to have been involved in this project and to have seen its success. It’s a great insight into the making of reality TV, and it’s very challenging.”

Hayes beat out an original 28 con-testants, and the fi nale on Saturday narrowed it down to three.

Hayes won studio recording time with Roman Empire Music, out of Mo-bile. Second and third place were also awarded time to record.

Filmed in various locations includ-ing the Moulton Belltower, the Allied

Health building, Honor’s Bethel theater, JagTV studio and Humanities, the show went live and broadcasted both online and in the dorms.

Available on channel 63 in the dorms as well as on JagTV’s website, the show amassed hundereds of viewers of live per-formances by the competitors.

Hayes had this to say about his win.“It was just a great experience. I met

alot of cool people along the way and I had a blast experiencing all of the different talents that South has to offer. The whole competition helped me grow as a singer and a performer and I’m pumped to be South’s fi rst Jag Idol.”

Hayes, a graduate from Faith Acade-my, enjoys fi shing, fl ying and singing. His genre is country, and he plays guitar.

A fan of Eric Church and Justin Moore, Hayes brings country sound to a younger style.

If you would like to get involved with JagTV or learn more about JagIdol, email [email protected].

Page 6: 5.7.2012

6VOL. 50, NO. 16 / MAY 7, 2012

DistractionsDistractions

For Student Health appointments, please call 460-7151For Counseling and Testing, please call 460-7051

Student Health u d o k u

Aries: 3/21 - 4/19This week during fi nals, the odds will indeed be ever in your favor. After your last fi nal, you will enjoy massive amounts of nachos and pizza to celebrate not seizing up on your tests.

Taurus: 4/20 – 5/20The only thing that you’re going to remem-ber about the night you went to that party is getting there and playing beer pong for three hours. You’ll also remember randomly wak-ing up in Waffl e House with four strangers and a glass of water.

Gemini: 5/21 – 6/21Don’t worry. Everyone is failing their math class. Cupcakes and honey buns will be your best chance to bribe your professor to grade you easier.

Cancer: 6/22 – 7/22You’re going to meet that guy in your Eng-lish class that you had a crush on in the near

future. The funny thing is, you’re going to meet him at a family reunion.

Leo: 7/23 – 8/22Happy late May the Fourth be with you day. To celebrate this holiday, you must buy a case of beer, three extra large pizzas from Papa Johns, and watch all six star wars mov-ies in the order that they were released.

Virgo: 8/23 – 9/22You will talk to a really cute girl at a friend’s party. Surprisingly, things are working for you. Do not excuse yourself to go to the bathroom. If you do, when you come back, she’ll be making out with someone other than you.

Libra: 9/23 – 10/22Safeguard your underwear during this last week of school. Underwear thieves are once again on the prowl. This time, they’re hitting harder than ever. Hide yo kids, hide yo wife. Hide yo boxers too.

Scorpio: 10/23 – 11/21Brown rice, steamed broccoli, and grilled chicken is an excellent meal if you’re trying to get lean. I foresee a rice cooker from Wal-mart in your near future.

Sagittarius: 11/22 – 12/21LMFAO’s “Sexy and I know it” was not a song about you. You were not the inspiration for it in any way. Quit lying to your friends.

Capricorn: 12/22 – 1/19For your fi nal, you must go to Party City and buy a banana suit. Wear it to class. When the test is over, pull out your phone and play the theme music that goes with it, and start dancing.

Aquarius: 1/20 – 2/18USA will fi nally reimburse you the $378.58 this week that they owe you for travel ex-penses and conference costs that has taken almost two months to process. Hopefully.

Pisces: 2/19 – 3/20You got stuck in the rain. You deserve Hun-gry Howey’s for your suffering. Specifi cally a ham and cheese pizza sub, stuffed with ev-erything. Except pineapples.

HOROSCOPESHOROSCOPES

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