5875 x 8875 Ready to Publish 180 Degrees

8/13/2019 5875 x 8875 Ready to Publish 180 Degrees

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180 Degreesby

Laron Street


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Dedications:

To North Richland Hills Baptist Church, Cornerstone AssistanceNetwork, and to everyone who serves and gives their time tomake a difference in the lives of "the least of these".


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180 Degrees

2013 by Laron Street.

All rights reserved. No part of this document may be

reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any

means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying,recording, or otherwise, without prior written

permission of the author.

This is a work of fiction. All characters are completelyfictional. Any resemblance to any person living or dead

is purely coincidental.

Laron Street

First Printing 2011


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Contents

1 Kate Holcomb2 Eruption3 Trial and Verdict4 The Thorntons5 Christianity6 Deception7 Houston8 Blades

9 Assignment10 Escalation11 Lila12 Witness13 Arrest14 Rumble15 Forgiveness16 Rumble!

17 When It Rains18 Rejection19 Visitors?20 Stephen and David21 Acceptance22 Where Do I Go From Here?23 Lawyers24 Dennis25 Salvation

26 Court27 Sentencing28 Hempstead29 Minotaur30 Galen31 The Group32 Intervention33 Evidence

34 Epilogue


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Ch. 1Kate Holcomb

She didn't hear the loud crack as his hand struck her face. Therewas a brilliant flash of light, and a numb feeling that slowly gaveway to intense burning on her left cheek. She became aware thatshe was sitting in the middle of the dining room floor, andlooked around for his feet or legs.

He was no longer there. She wiped the tears from her cheeks,and grabbed the edge of the table. Pulling herself to her knees,she began picking up the larger pieces of the plate and the small

scraps of food from the floor.

Youre so stupid, she thought.

She knew better than to push.

It was the summer of 65, and she had met a boy named David.He was a junior in high school, but in spite of what everyone else

said, he really seemed to like her. He would come around thehouse in the afternoon, and they would hang around together.She thought he was just about the best thing ever. From whatshe could tell, he really liked her also. That afternoon, while theywere sitting on the porch, he had leaned over and kissed her.Her heart leapt inside her, and she knew she was in love.

David was the starting shortstop on the high school baseballteam. He was tall, smart, and good looking. It never occurred to

her that it was strange that a junior would like an eighth grader.But in ten years, no one would care. Most men were five ormore years, or more, older than their wives or girlfriends. Hermother was two years older than her dad. Her mother had leftwhen Kate was only four. The marriage was so bad, and herfather so abusive, Kates mother felt it was in everyones bestinterest if she left.

In her mind, she began planning the future. Dances at theschool; Friday nights at the drive-in, and Sunday afternoon walksin the park. She would be introduced to the popular kids in thehigh school, and would certainly become more popular in her


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school also. She knew she shouldnt tell David she was in love.It was much too soon, but if she didnt let him know something,

he might leave.

A few days later, they sat on her front porch, talking.

Why havent you asked me out? she asked.

What do you mean?

Wellwecould go to the movie. Or bowling, or have some pie

at the diner. Anything. I just want to go out some time.

He grew quiet for a moment, and her face flushed. She knew shehad gone too far.

Im sorry, she started. I just like you, and wanted to hangaround

Isnt that what we have been doing?

Yeah...I know. Nevermind. Im just silly.

Listen, Kate, I like you too. You just dont really know me.Your dad wouldnt want you dating anyoneright now, especiallynot me.

Why do you say that? Dad would love you. He played baseball

in high school, too.

Im not the good kid you think I am. I gotta go.

With that, he stood up and started walking away. She tried to gethim to stay and talk.

Ill see you tomorrow, he said.

She wanted another kiss, and decided that the next day, shewould just keep things light hearted, and maybe even silly. She


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would show him that he didnt have to worry about anything.She went inside, and began getting dinner ready.

She always tried to have dinner ready when her dad got home.Things went nicer in the evening when she did that, it seemed.He was less likely to get upset, and start drinking or yelling.Unfortunately, on that night, things didn't go as well as she'dhoped.

He came in the door, and went straight to his room, slammingthe door behind him. That was the way it usually started. But

she had fixed lasagna. It was his favorite meal, and maybe wouldhelp. She had copied the recipe from a book at the schoollibrary. Maybe he would smell the lasagna, and it would put himin a better mood. Maybe it would be a good evening. After theafternoon with David, she really wanted an evening withoutissues with her dad.

She waited a few minutes, and heard nothing. She knew the

alcohol was in there, in his closet. She took some of it from timeto time when she needed help dealing with things. She went tothe living room, to the corner. It was on the other side of thewall from his closet. Sometimes, when he was drinking, shecould hear him grumbling, or even arguing. She was not sure ifhe was talking to himself, or if he was on the phone. That night,there was no noise whatsoever. She waited a little while longer,and went to the bedroom door.

Daddy,she called out. Dinners ready. I made lasagna.

Alright.

He didnt sound angry. At least not really angry. Maybe a littlereluctant.

She started to make her way back to the kitchen, as he came out

of the bedroom.

Who is he?he asked.


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Who? she asked, hoping he wasnot asking about David.

You know who. The boy whos been coming over to the houseevery day.

Oh, thats David. Hes just a friend.

She played it off as nonchalantly as she could.

I dont want him coming over any more. And I dont want yougoing anywhere to see him.

Why not?she asked, trying to sound innocent.

Youre fourteen, hes seventeen! he shouted.

She recognized the look, and the sound of his voice. It wasobvious she had a choice. She could just say, Yes Daddy,andhope he bought it and settled down. Or she could ask another

question, or try to explain the relationship and risk theconsequences.

Daddy, he's just a friend.

Hes too old! he shouted, much louder this time.

I know Daddy. Hes just a friend. He doesnt like me, and Idont like him.

Then why does he keep coming over?

Well, I mean we dont like each otheras anything exceptfriends.

High school boys only care about one thing. And if he thinkshes getting that from you, hes got another think coming. Do I

need to go talk to him?

No Daddy. He wont come over any more, I promise.


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Do you think Imstupid? I know you two have been kissing.Youve already opened the door. Have you slept with him?

No Daddy. We only kissed once. I told him I liked him, and heleft, and probably wont ever come back. He's just a friend,Daddy."

She started crying.

He turned and went back to his room. She hoped he felt bad.Maybe he would stay in there now, and nothing else would be

said. She wondered how he knew about him coming over. Howcould he possibly know they had kissed? And she had lied tohim, telling him they were only friends, and now she hadadmitted they had kissed.

A moment later, he walked back into the kitchen.

I dont want to see you getting hurt. And if you dont give him

what he wants, hell leave, and youll get hurt. If you dogive himwhat he wants, hell leave you anyway. A boy like that is nogood.

"I like him, but he doesn't like me. But in a few years, it won'tmake a difference. I just like hanging around him."

She had started cleaning up the table, hoping to show it was notreally a big deal, and maybe defuse the situation a little. She

picked up her plate, and began to walk around to his side of thetable when he grabbed her shoulder and spun her around. Theflash of light, and the slowly spreading sting dazed her for amoment.

When she realized he had gone, she made her way to thebathroom to clean herself up. She didnt want bruises andswelling when David saw her. Looking in the mirror, the dark

thoughts that would be her companions for a long time firstcame to her.


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Its your faultMom couldnt love you, so she left. Daddy cant love you sohe gets drunk and hits you. David cant love you, so he leaves. Whats the

point? What difference does any of it make, anyway? If I had never beenborn, Mom and Daddy would still be together, he wouldnt drink, and theywould probably be happy.

She cried a little while longer, cleaned herself up, and went tobed. She lay awake only for a few minutes. She was exhausted,and soon in a restless sleep. She looked at the clock over andover through the night. Part of her wondered why the night wasso long. Part of her wanted to go to sleep, and never wake up.

At six oclock, she heard her dad getting in the shower. Itamazed her that he could be so drunk late at night, and yet hewas up every morning, going to work. When she drank, she hada tough time getting up in the morning, and being able tofunction enough to get to school. By seven, he was gone. Shedozed off a little more, getting some decent sleep until almostnine.

She got out of bed, and went to take her shower. She was a littleshocked when she looked in the mirror. The left side of her facewas bruised, and her eye was swollen just a bit. The bruise couldbe covered with makeup. The swelling would be harder to hide.If someone noticed and asked, she would tell them she ran intoher bedroom door.

Over the next few days, she didnt see David at all. She was

heartbroken. He was her second real crush. In second grade,she had a friend in class named Billy. They passed notes backand forth, and exchanged looks on the playground during recess.Nothing ever happened. Like so many crushes at that age, itlasted a few days, and they both kind of dropped it. There wereno reasons, no explanations. And there were no hurt feelings. Itwas just part of being a kid.

She tried to keep busy to keep her mind off David. She spenther mornings working on puzzles, or reading. She had alwaysenjoyed reading. It was a nice escape for her. Reading aboutother people, in other places and other times, helped her forget


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about her problems. She frequently daydreamed about being oneof the young ladies in a love story where they were actually

happy.

It was not long, however, that bitterness set in. She didnt wantto read about people having problems. She knew enough aboutthat from her own life. Why would she want to read aboutthings going well for others? After all, that was not real life.There was no happily ever after. Every few minutes, she foundherself looking out the front window, hoping to see Davidpulling up.

Thankfully, her dad was calm the rest of that week. When Daviddidnt come over, told herself it was for the best. What wouldhappen if he didcome over, and her dad came home and sawhim? Would her dad tell David to stay away? Would Davidargue? Would they fight? What would happen later, when shewas alone with her dad?

On Saturday afternoon, Kates dad dropped her off at the mall.She was going to try to meet with some girls to do someshopping. They really went there to hang out, and hopefully talkto some boys. She didnt know if her dad thought about that,but he never said anything. She was sitting outside the Searsstore, and saw David.

Her first thought was to run to him. But she decided if he didntlike her, she would let him know she liked him. It was playing

games, but she could do it just as well as everyone else did.

David saw her also, and at the first instant, he seemed a littlehesitant, as if he was not sure what to do. Then he smiled,almost clumsily, and walked toward her.

Hey, he said, about as low key as possible.

Hi, she responded, trying to be nonchalant.

Sorry I havent been by. I would say Ive been busy, but thats alie. Truth is, Ive been thinking a lot. You like me. I like you.


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But I could get in real trouble for hanging around with you.There are things I enjoy that you cant.

That only piqued her curiosity, and even though she knew itmight be going down a path she should avoid, she let him knowthat she wanted to be with him, even if it meant doing things sheknew were wrong. So David introduced her to marijuana. Shewas hooked.

By the time the school year rolled around, she was getting highalmost every day. She did most of it in the morning, so by the

time her dad got home; she would have most of it out of hersystem. She kept some under her bed, so if it was a rough night,she could calm herself down, and make it all go away. It was alsoduring this time that she became sexually active.


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Ch. 2 -- Eruption

Most kids in her class were excited about being in ninth grade.To her, it was just another year. At the end of the first six-weeks,she had the worst day of her life. She had known her gradeswere down. She just didnt care. Fights with her dad wereseveral times a week now, and at least once a week, it becamephysical. Report cards were mailed out, and she checked themailbox every day. She wanted to get it before her dad did. Shecould at least know what was coming. Maybe he would not evenask. She checked every day as soon as she got home. Every day

exceptthat Tuesday.

When she walked out of the school, David was there, waiting forher. He gave her a ride home, and they smoked a little on theway. She didnt want toat first, but figured she could just avoidher dad until it wore off. By the time they arrived at her house,she was pretty out of it.

David followed her to the front door, and gave her a long kiss,pushing her back inside. She gently protested, but he talked herinto letting him in. They kissed some more, and before she knewit, they were getting pretty heavy. She knew it would be almosttwo more hours before her dad came home. She also knew thatsomeone had told him about the two of them kissing. But hehad not said anything about it lately, so maybe no one waswatching. Or maybe he didnt care anymore. At that moment,she really didnt care anymore. She relaxed a little, and began to

really enjoy herself.

The next few moments were a blur. It was like the entire roomexploded. She heard shouting, banging, and was both pushedand pulled at the same time. David, who had been right next toher was gone, then suddenly shoved back into her so hard, itknocked her against the wall. She hit her head, and got fuzzy fora few seconds. She could hear all kinds of yelling, but was not

able to tell what was being said. She tried to get her wits abouther. Was it another language? No, she felt sure it was English,but couldnt make out words.just shouting.


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David pulled himself off her, and went after the other person.She tried to see who it was, but David was blocking her view.

Had someone broken in and attacked them? The first instant,she felt lucky to have David there. He was in good shape. Surelyhe would protect her. The next instant, she was terrified, as shesaw David knocked to the side, and caught the first view of herdad.

His face was twisted like she had never seen. What was he doinghome? Was David okay? Was he going to come after her now?David started standing, but her dad knocked him back down,

yelling for him to stay down, or get his head bashed in. Maybeher dad thought David was attacking her, and he was trying toprotect her.

Daddy,she shouted, trying to let him know she was okay.

Shut up! her dad screamed back.

For a second, he leaned, and it looked like he was going to eitherhit her, or grab her by the hair, and yank her to her feet. Sheinstinctively covered her head with both arms to protect herselffrom whatever might be about to happen. She heard moreyelling, and all she could do was duck her head down against thebed, hoping she was not about to be attacked.

She heard a lot of shuffling, banging, and scuffling. She peekedout for a second, and saw her dad, pushing David out of her

room toward the living room. She stood up to follow.

Daddy,she said, a little too softly. She realized she wassobbing.

Her dad pushed David so hard, he bounced against the wall, andfell as he turned to try to catch his balance.

Sit down! her dad yelled, pointing an angry finger at her. Illtalk to you in a minute.


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He immediately turned back around, and caught David, who hadstarted to regain his footing, and was turning to try to make an

escape. He was punched in the back of the head before he wasfully upright, and crashed into the piano, falling again. He wasgrabbed by the waist and neck of his clothing, and pulled upright.Kate had no idea her dad was that strong. David was a big guy,but her dad picked him up like he was a doll. He continued topush him across the rest of the living room, out the front door,and shoved him off the porch. David landed in the middle ofthe yard, rolling once, and quickly getting up, and running to hiscar.

Come back again, and Ill kill you!

David took off as fast as his car would go. She was scared forhim, but at least he was safe for today. Now it was her turn. Sheknew this would be bad. She had never prayed before, butprayed right then that God would help her. She thought aboutbeing in the hospital. She thought about what the beating would

be like. She knew it would be much worse than anything she hadever had. Why was she so bad? Why had she gotten in his car?Why had she smoked that first time?

That was as far as she got before her dad was standing at herdoor, with a look of hatred that made her fear for her life. Hisjaws clenched tighter than his fists. His eyes were on fire, andstared at her for a second. They darted right, then left, and thenback to her. Each time he set his eyes on her, they grew harder.

She braced herself, ready for an onslaught. After a few tensemoments, he turned and walked away, closing her door behindhim. She heard his door slam, and thought maybe it was over.Maybe he would get drunk, and go to sleep. After a few days, itwould settle down, and as long as he didnt see David overanymore, maybe it would be okay.

It was only a few seconds later, and he was back, yelling.

I told you to stay away from him, and this is what you do?Bring him here?!?


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Daddy, we just she started.

She only had time to see his hand start to move, and close hereyes.

It was the hardest he had hit her. And it was not his fist. It wasa slap. But it knocked her across the foot of her bed, and intothe wall by her closet. Before she could do much of anything,she was being picked up by her hair, and thrown down onto herbed. He was pinning her down, his face inches from hers.

How long have you been doing this?he yelled. Is this whyyoure failing? Because youre sleeping with him?!?

There was beer on his breath, but she was not sure when hecould have been drinking. He had certainly just come in, andthere is no way he could have had anything in the few seconds hehad been out of her room.

We havent

He slapped her again.

Shut up! I know youre lying

Im sorry she said between sobs. Im sorry.

He raised his hand to hit her again, but paused. He set back a

little. Then he leaned down, pressing his cheek against hers. Hewas crying now too.

Im sorry baby,he said after a moment.

He kissed her cheek. Then he kissed her again.

Then he assaulted her.

The next afternoon, he apologized again, telling her he had losthis job that morning. He was not sure what was going tohappen. He said he would do anything he could to keep them in


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their house. He would start looking for a new job, and wouldtake any job that would pay their bills. He started crying again.

Im sorry baby. I dont mean to do the things I do. It justoverwhelms me. I dont know what Im going to do. Im doingthe best I can, and everything is coming apart. Youre sleepingwith some guy, youre failing school.

Dont worry she said. Well get by. I could get a job afterschool

He looked at her incredulously for a moment. She realized whathad just happened.

And we arent sleeping together, she said hurriedly, hoping hehadnt caught it.

He just shook his head, disappointed. He knew. And she knewhe knew. At least he was talking and notyellingat her.

No.

But in the afternoon

No daughter of mine is going to support her old man. My daddid that to me, and Im not going to do it to you. You need toget those grades up. Thats all you need to think about. And Imgonna be watching your friend. If I see you and him together

again

His eyes were starting to harden again, and she could see his jawclenching. She thought about trying to talk to him to calm himdown, but thought it might do more harm than good. After amoment, he settled down.

Ive got to run to the store. Ill be back in just a few minutes.

Just a minute after he left, the phone rang. It was David.


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Areyou okay? he asked. I wanted to call this morning.Howcome he didnt go to work today?

Im fine. He got fired yesterday. Thats why he was so upset.Are you okay?

Dont worry about me,he said. Ive been through worse.Can I come by?

Hes only going to be gone for a few minutes.

Ive been driving down Tanglewilde, looking down the street.Ive been wanting to talk to you all day to make sure you areokay.

Dont worry about me. We probably shouldnt see each otherfor a while.

They talked for another minute, and said their goodbyes. She

went to her room, and took the little bag out from under her bed,and went out in the backyard. She needed a little time to calmdown. She changed her clothes when she came back in, andstarted a wash remove the smell from her clothes.

Dinner that night was calm, but a little strained. Not much wassaid, and she was perfectly happy to have it that way. Thatevening, he went to his room, and she stayed in the living room.He came out once, and she was sitting on the couch, doing math

homework. No math work was actually getting done, however.She didnt care anymore about her grades. But she wanted himto think she was really trying so he would not be as hard on heras he had been.

Wednesday morning, he was up, and left for work just like everyother day. He was out of the house just as she was leaving forschool. He kissed her on the forehead, and told her he loved

her. He didnt tell her that. She wondered if he was leaving, andnot coming home.


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Was he going to do something to himself? Was this his way ofsaying goodbye? Secretly, she hoped he would just commit

suicide. Then she would be out of the mess. She felt badly forthinking that, but she kept playing out what it would be like tohave him gone.

He came home that afternoon, and she could tell as soon as hewalked in that he was drunk. How could he afford to buy anybooze? He had lost his job. Is that what he had done all day?Leave the house, and just go to a bar and drink? He disgustedher. And she realized that she really did wish he would go kill

himself. She tried to put on a friendly face, but he could see rightthrough it. Maybe it was the guilt that he felt, expecting her to bemad at him. Maybe her face didnt seem as happy as she washoping it did.

Why are you looking at me like that? he challenged.

Like what? she asked, trying to sound as innocent as possible.

You hate me.

Wow. Obviously, her feelings were not hidden very well.

I loveyou, Daddy,she said, and knew it sounded about as harshas she felt.

No you dont. I dont blame you. I hate me, too.

He sat at the dining table, and a tear ran down his left cheek.

As much as she wanted not to care about him, she felt badly thathe was hurting. She went to the table, and put her arms aroundhim.

I dont hate you, Daddy.

He put his arms around her, and stood and held her close. Shewished he could love her like that all the time. Why was he somean to her most of the time? She went to pull herself away,


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and ask him if he wanted her to fix him some dinner. He didntlet go. She smiled, and tried to look up at him. Before she

realized why he was not letting go, he began to tear at herclothes. She knew what was coming, and tried to stop him. Itwas no use. He was far too strong. She looked toward the sink.There were the butcher knives, maybe she could reach one.

She felt horrible for even thinking that way. What he was doingto her was terribly wrong, but he was her father. He sickenedher, and at that moment she hated him. But the thought that shewanted to kill him made her a little sick.

That night, she lay in bed, wishing he would get so drunk, hewould just die. It would keep her from hurting him, and hewould never hurt her again. She didnt care that if he were gone,she would not have a place to live. Someone would help her out.

"Life will make a way," she had heard someone say years before.

Even if I was to live on the street, it would be better than beinghere with him when hes like this, she thought.

She thought about her mother, and wondered where she was,and what she was doing. She wondered again why she had left.It must have been her. Why else would she leave? She begancrying at first, then the anger began. It was the first time sherealized she hated herself. And if she hated herself, how couldanyone else, including her dad, love her?

She didnt see David anymore after that night. She hoped to, buthe was nowhere to be found. It was just as well. She missedhim, but knew if her dad saw them together again, it would beeven worse. Her dad was having problems finding a job, hergrades were still in the dump, and they were fighting almost everynight. She went from loving him, to not caring, to hating him.Almost daily, she found herself wishing he would just die. Over

the next three weeks, he assaulted her several more times. Onenight, it was too much.


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After he left her, and went into his room, she decided it was timeto end things. No one cared about her. She didnt care about

anything. It was time to go. But she was not going alone. Shewould take him out with her. He would pay for everything hehad ever done to her. He would never hurt her again. She hatedher mom for leaving, and letting everything happen. If she hadany idea where her mother was, she would go find her, and killher, too.

She waited long enough to know he would be passed out asleep.Quietly, she crept into his room, into his closet, and pulled out

his shotgun. She knew how to use it, and she would make himsuffer. She decided to shoot him in the stomach, watch himbleed, and listen to him cry for as long as she could stand it. Shewould then put him out of her misery, and then turn the gun onherself. There would be no note. No one cared anyway. Whatwas the point?

According to her testimony, she went into the closet, and

retrieved the gun. She pointed it at his stomach, but couldnt pullthe trigger. As much as she hated him right then, he was still herfather. She couldnt watch him suffer. But if she didnt kill him,she would be beaten and assaulted again. So she aimed it at hisface, and pulled the trigger. She screamed at the awful sight, andthen started crying. She sat down on the bed, putting her mouthover the muzzle. Sobbing, she reached down, but before shecould push the trigger, she started thinking about her life.

What a mess it was. How could her mom have left her? Whydid her dad do those things to her? It wasnt right. It wasnt fair.Why could no one love her? She sobbed for several minutes,trying to make get it over with. She began crying so much, shecollapsed on the floor.

She was still like that when the police forced their way into thehouse. She was arrested, but taken to the hospital after she told

them her dad had assaulted her. It was confirmed that she hadindeed been assaulted, and it was confirmed the next morningthat it was her dad. They also found she was pregnant. It wouldhave been enough of a scandal if it had been Davids. She knew


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it was her dads. She found herself wishing she had taken her lifewhen she had the chance.

In her mind, her life was over. She would be an outcast. Shedidnt have many friends before, but no one would like her now.Her mother had left, now her dad was gone. She would be inprison, pregnant and alone. What did she have to look forwardto? There was no way she could raise a child on her own.

She had heard about abortions, but how could she do that? Notonly were they illegal, which made it impossible when she was

behind bars, but where would she get the money? But if shewent to prison, the baby would be put up for adoption anyway.

Why would anyone want it?

She certainly didnt.


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Ch. 3Trial and Verdict

The day of the hearing arrived. Her court appointed attorney,Mr. Baker, had been telling her that she would get off. It wasabsolutely self-defense, and it would probably not even go totrial. She didnt believe him, of course. Why would an attorneythat she couldnt even pay for care anything about her case? Shewas sure she was going away. Nevertheless, on hisrecommendation, she wore a nice blue suit he had bought forher. If she was going to prison, she might as well at least do it instyle.

The hearing lasted several days, which was surprising to her. Mr.Baker had said it might, but she expected it to be over the sameday. What was there to decide? All they were doing isdetermining if there was enough of a reason to hold a trial.

She had planned what to do. She acted deliberately. She hadkilled her father in cold bloodwhile he slept. People dont

come much colder or harder than that. But maybe some of whatMr. Baker said had made sense. She was abused for a long time.He had hit her on numerous occasions. And there had beentimes she was afraid that he was going to kill her. Still, there wasno denying she had shot him. What had they called it?Premeditated?

The attorneys argued back and forth the entire time. She listenedsometimes. Most of the time, her thoughts wandered. She

thought about prison, and what it would be like. Since she wasso young, maybe they would just send her to a juvenile facility.No, probably not. She figured killing her father was bad enoughto get real prison. She was pretty soft-spoken. But maybe if shetoughened up her image a little, they would leave her alone.Maybe they would even be afraid of her a little. Or at least giveher some respect. Maybe she would be someone in prison. Abig shot of sorts.

Occasionally, something would be said that caught her attention,and she would put a look on her face that she thought wouldmake the people feel for her. She watched a couple of the jurors


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who seemed to look compassionately at her. Maybe they wereon her side. She would just stare blankly when she thought they

were looking at her; as if she had been hurt so badly, she was justempty inside. There were a couple of others who looked at herlike they thought she was Satan himself. To them, she thought itbest to look like a little beaten puppy; just as pitiful as she could.One of them, the foreman, looked a little like her dad. Helooked like if he were given the opportunity, he would walkacross the floor, and hit her himself. She was not sure what kindof look to give him.

On the fifth day, the jury had been deliberating most of theafternoon. It was almost four oclock when they came back withtheir decision.

The judge asked her to stand. Her stomach knotted, and shecould feel her legs shaking. She felt lightheaded, and was a littleafraid she might pass out. She had not felt this nervous onlymoments before, but realizing that her entire future had been

decided hit her.

It was determined that although it was not really self-defense, shewas suffering enough to feel that was her only option. She wasacquitted, and placed in a foster home, where she would receivecare for the child. She had heard horror stories of foster families,and the stuff that went on with them. She knew she had beenthrough just about anything any family could dish out. She wasjust thankful to not be going to prison.

She was sent to a girls home until a family could be located. Shewas told it could take weeks or even months before a family wasfound for her. She didnt care. There were four other girls livingthere. Two were there because they had been arrested forstealing. One was there because her parents dropped her off atschool one day, and never came back. Gail had been intoalcohol, skipping school, and had started drugs. She stole from

her parents to buy beer or marijuana.

Paula was the worst of the group. She had been in and out oftrouble for several years. She had been brought back by the last


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three foster families who had taken her in because she wasfighting with the family, stealing, and selling herself to get drugs.

One evening, Kate heard the keeper of the house, Ms. Worden,talking on the phone. She was not sure who was on the otherend of the phone, but assumed it was the social worker.

Well, its her last chance, Ms. Worden said. If she blows itthis time, she will be sent away. She cant live here forever.

There was some more talk about Paula, some general discussions

about bills that were due, and about a helper that was supposedto have been sent the previous week to help clean. Just as shewas getting bored and turning to walk back to her room, theconversation turned to a topic a little more interesting.

No, she just got here the other day. I dont know much abouther. Then, she began whispering. She killed her dad in hissleep. Shot him in the face. Oh, I dont know. He had been

hitting her, and apparently assaulted her. Poor thing. No, Iwont. Ill do whatever I can for her. She seems nice enough.Im not turning my back on her, though, thats for sure. Isnt it?I just hope they find a strong family for her. And soon.

Kate turned and walked back to her room, not really sure howshe felt. It was a little like being a celebrity. It was also like beinga criminal. She wondered what the other girls felt about her.Paula was obviously the biggest trouble out of the others. But

she was nothing like Kate. Were they afraid of her? She hopedso a little. It was different feeling powerful.

All of her life, she had been the little shy one, who others pickedon, or just ignored. Now, she was the one the others were niceto. She was the one they were afraid of. Maybe nice becausethey were afraid, but it didnt matter. She felt a little bit ofcontrol over them at that moment. But she knew she couldnt

push it. The last thing she needed was to ruin her chances ofgetting a decent home.


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Kate and Paula had a few conversations during her stay. Mostlyabout normal girls stuff. But Paula asked several questions about

killing her dad. It made Kate uneasy at first, and concerned herthat Paula wanted to know details about that night. She was alsovery uncomfortable when Paula asked what it was like to killsomeone. She wanted detail about what it felt like. What wasshe thinking right before, during and after pulling the trigger.She asked questions about what it looked like, and even what itsmelled like. She hoped Paula was a little afraid of her, but shewould keep an eye on her just in case.


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Ch. 4The Thorntons

After two and a half weeks, Ms. Worden asked Kate to join herin the office. The front room of the home had been turned intoan office/library. One wall was covered with bookshelves,holding hundreds of books of all types. The girls were free toread anything they wanted. But they were not allowed in theoffice unless Ms. Worden was in there with them. There was anold wooden desk, where Ms. Worden sat and did her work.There were two filing cabinets that had metal bars and locks onthem. Kate often wondered about what was inside them. She

would have loved to be able to read the files, and learn about allof the girls who had been there.

They walked into the office, and Ms. Worden motioned to achair, obviously wanting her to sit down. Kate wondered whatshe might be in trouble for.

Well, we havent had much time to talk, Ms. Worden started.

I usually sit down with each girl after a couple of weeks to seehow they are doing, and to make sure there are no problems

No. Everything has been fine.

No issues with the other girls?

Kate wondered if she had heard something about theconversations about the killing.

No. We all get along fine.

Well, thats good to hear. Even girls who get along tend to runinto problems occasionally. Its just the way girls are. You maynot have been here long enough to have experienced that yet.Which brings me to the real reason for this visit.

She felt herself tightening. So there was something on Ms.Wordens mind besides finding out how everything was going.She quickly replayed the conversations in her head, trying toremember if she had said anything that would get her into


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trouble. She didnt think so. But she had been so rattled whenPaula was asking questions that she couldnt remember exactly

what she had or had not said. Maybe Paula had been told by Ms.Worden to find out something about her.

We have a family that wants to come meet you.

They were coming Saturday morning. The visit involved aninformal conversation in the living room, so they could all get toknow one another. If that went well, they would either staythere, or go get something to eat to get a little deeper into their

lives. If they were still interested, they would sit down formallyin the office, and go over rules, paperwork, etc. If all wentperfectly, she could be placed in their home within a week.

It was a pretty sleepless night Friday night. She tossed andturned, wondering what to expect. What if they liked her, butshe didnt like them? Would she have any say in the matter? Orwould she just have to go with them, and make the best of it?

More likely, what if she liked them, and they didnt like her?Would she be okay with that? How much do you really get toknow someone in one day? Would she go there on a trial basis,to see if it was going to work out? If it didnt, what then? Shehad a few dreams during the moments she slept. A couple ofthem disturbed her, though after waking, she didnt rememberwhat they were about.

That was not all that unusual. Since the shooting, she had

dreams a lot, and would wake up sweating and panting. Shefigured it was something to do with the shooting, or the beatings,or something related. These dreams felt different. Maybe theywere about the new home she might be going to. Maybe theywere about the family, and how they loved and cared for her.Maybe they were about the family with an abusive father, whowould put her right back into the same situation. Maybe theywere about things not working out, and her ending up in prison

after all.

She was happy to see the sun coming up. She showered, anddressed in the blue suit Mr. Baker had bought her. After the trial,


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he told her to keep it. It was a nice gesture to begin a new life. Itdidnt hurt her at the trial, and maybe was even a little lucky. She

hoped it would do the same today. As she dressed, and fixed herhair, she began craving some alcohol. Maybe even somemarijuana. She had not felt that since she had been at the house.She pushed it to the side, concentrating on making herself lookas presentable as possible.

She went to the kitchen for a bowl of cereal or some toast.

Well, look at you, Ms. Worden said, coming in behind her.

You look very nice.

She had decided she really liked Ms. Worden. When she firstarrived, she found her harshness just another slap in the face.But she realized the toughness had to be there to deal withtroubled girls. She had been pretty nice to Kate the last week.Maybe it was fear, although Ms. Worden never showed any.Maybe it was respect. If you respect those who dont respect

themselves, maybe it teaches them how. Maybe Ms. Worden wasjust a really nice lady who happened to be here in a less than niceplace.

Thank you, Kate answered. Its a little tighter than it was incourt. I think Ive put on some weight.

She was making conversation, and trying to cover the discomfortof having a compliment paid to her. She was also trying to get an

opinion on if they suit was too tight. She didnt want to comeacross wrong. Ms. Worden had experience with these meetings,and could help her decide what to dress in.

It looks fine. You will make a great impression.

What do you think they will want to talk about?

The words just blurted out, and betrayed the calm she was tryingso hard to portray.

Do you think they will ask about your father?


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Ms. Worden was nice, certainly. But she didnt beat around thebush.

I dont..I don't really know what to expect.

Dont worry. They know about what happened. Thesemeetings are more to figure out if your personality mixes withtheirs; if you seem okay with the other kidsthings like that. Ifyou start getting uncomfortable with some questions, just giveme a look, and Ill steer the conversation elsewhere. Youll befine.

She only ate about a third of her cereal. Her stomach was in nomood for any kind of food. She went back to her room, brushedher teeth, and finished cleaning her room. They might not evenwant to see it, but thought it should be clean just in case. A fewminutes before nine, the doorbell rang, and she instantly feltnauseated.

The Thornton family seemed really nice. The dad was tall andhandsome, wearing a suit the same color as Kates. The motherwas striking, and wearing a dress with a soft, floral print. Theyhad their two daughters with them, Stacy, who was about Katesage, dressed in nice slacks and a dress blouse. She was verypretty, but looked like she might be something of a Tom-boyunder the nice clothes and makeup.

Susan was several years younger, and fairly shy. She stayed really

close to moms dress, and only spoke when asked a question.They looked like a perfect family, without problems or issues.

Why are they here to see me? shewondered. If they are asnice as they look, why would they want me to come ruineverything?

They all sat in the living room, and she felt a little like she was on

trial again. Everyone was watching her, and she felt herself getflushed at times. Between the questions, she tried to picturewhat their house would look like; how she would get along withthe two girls; and what it would be like to be with a family like


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I could do with a nice burger, the dad answered. He lookedright at Kate and said, Does that sound okay to you?

She felt herself flush a little. That sounds really nice.

During lunch, they talked a little more about chit-chatty things,and some deeper discussions for a while. After they had alleaten, and were just visiting, the dad gave each girl some money,and told them to go to the counter to get an ice cream sundae.

Well get you a sundae in a minute, honey, the mom started.

We just wanted to talk for a few minutes without the girls.

Here it came. She slumped involuntarily. Catching herself, shestraightened up. The mother had called her honey,but sheknew that didnt necessarily mean anything. They would buy hera sundae. Probably as a consolation prize. She tried to tellherself it was okay, and be happy she had been given a nice lunchout. Outside, she smiled, but inside she was fighting desperately

to hold back tears.

She really liked this family from what she had seen. It was toogood to be true. No way would want her anyway. She wouldmess up their wonderful family. It was surprising they hadvisited as long as they had before walking away. She wonderedwhy they had even come in the first place.

The father looked at her gently, which made her tear up a little.

More rejection coming. She knew she needed to be stronger, butshe felt herself melting inside.

We realize you have been through all kinds of horrible things,he began. We read all about what happened to you, and whatyou did. You are the only one who knows what truly happenedthat night. We wanted to talk to you a little to find out what youwere like. We dont judge people we dont know. And talking to

you today, I believe Im looking at a sweet little girl who waspushed so far for so long that she snapped. And I want you toknow that what happened is in the past. Im willing to go


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forward from today, and leave that in the past. I want to providea loving, caring home for you. If you are interested.

She felt the tears falling before she could even try to stop them.She looked away, and tried to think of something else.anythingelse.

The mother reached across the table, and took Kates hand inhers.

We know you are pregnant. We want to give you a home where

you can get the care you need to make sure that baby has achance. Youve had a tough enough life without having to worryabout that little one.

Kate completely lost it then. She began sobbing. How couldthey care? Why would they be offering to take her home withthem?

The mother and father both came around her side of the booth,sitting on either side of her. They sandwiched her withthe most wonderful hug she had ever been given. For the firsttime ever, she felt truly safe.

The hug felt so nice, she could have stayed there all afternoon.When she looked up, both of the other girls were sitting acrossfrom her with their sundaes, and an extra one for her. The oldergirl smiled a little, and pushed it across the table to her. The

mother handed Kate a tissue to dry her eyes. It was so surreal,she thought she might wake up any second.

After eating only half of her sundae, they left the diner. She wasready to become a member of the family. All that was left wasthe paperwork back at the home, and to wait for it to make itsway through the court system. According to what Ms. Wordenhad said, she could be moving into her new home within a week

or so. A home with a real family. A family like she had neverbeen around. Inside, she still expected that once they left, theywould change their minds.


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Back at the home, they all sat tucked in the little office, sitting onmetal folding chairs that were normally kept in the hall closet.

The two other girls were sitting out in the backyard while theparents signed all of the necessary paperwork. It seemed to takean hour, but was only twenty minutes. She was so excited, shefelt like a little kid on Christmas Eve. She knew it would be adifficult wait for the courts to get it all approved. She was right.

The nights were spent in restless sleep. The days dragged by.The other girls at the home seemed to be genuinely happy forher. Paula was happy for her, but maybe was hiding a little bit of

resentment. Paula knew she didnt have many chances left. Katetried to encourage her, telling her that she was going to find agood home. Paula tried to be gracious, but they both knew therewas a certain amount of luck and timing to finding a good home.

She certainly felt lucky. It was hard for her to believe this wasreally happening. She didnt mind being at the home, butcouldnt imagine living there for very long.

Just over a week after meeting the Thorntons, Ms. Worden calledher into the office.

Your day has come,she said. The Thorntons are coming bythis afternoon to pick you up and take you to your new home.

She happily gathered her stuff together, and waited in the livingroom. She was trying to be patient, but her insides were

jumping. At one-thirty, the doorbell rang. Springing to her feet,she ran to the door. The other girls all watched her, and shecaught Paula rolling her eyes. She didnt care. She opened thedoor, tried to pretend she was calm and in control.

They left the home, and drove to the Thorntons house on theother side of town. They lived in a beautiful neighborhood, andtheir house was huge. It sat on a corner lot, with a large backyard.

There were two collies standing at the fence, barking andwagging their tails. As they pulled into the driveway, the twogirls came out of the front door, and came out to the car. Theolder sister grabbed Kates suitcase. The younger sister grabbed


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Kates hand. She had been really shy, but now seemed happy tohave another big sister at the house. She took Kate upstairs,

showing her the room that had been fixed up for her.

It was a larger bedroom than she had ever been in. There was afull-size bed, a nice large dresser, two nightstands and a desk.With all of that, she still had room to walk around. She also hadher own bathroom. The closet was a walk-in, and she had neverhad enough clothes to even fill a regular closet. It was incredible.All of this was too wonderful to be true. Stacy came in with hersuitcase, and set it on the bed.

Is this okay? Stacy asked.

Its very nice. The closets big enough to sleep in. I dont havenearly enough clothes to even fill up the dresser. Theres notgoing to be anything in the closet. They could rent that out forextra money.

No, were going shopping tonight, Stacy said. Mom and dadknew you didnt have any clothes.

Shopping?

Yeah. Were going to Macys. Youre going to get some reallynice stuff.

Macys? Had she heard that right? Most of her clothes were

bought at Sears or Gibsons. She had never even beento aMacys. All she knew about them was that they were expensive,and they sponsored the Christmas Day Parade. What kind ofclothes were they expecting her to wear? She was pregnant afterall. How long would they even fit?

After an excellent home cooked meal of veal parmagiana, saladand rolls, they had something they called Crme Brulee. Kate

had never heard of it before, but she really liked it. She waspositively stuffed. She probably should not have eaten thatmuch. She did not want to be fat when trying on clothes.


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Macys was just like she expected. It was neat and clean, andthere were people that waited on them hand and foot. She

wanted to just get a few decent things, but they kept bringing herblouses and skirts and jeans to try on. Before the night was over,they had spent almost two hundred dollars, and Kate was totallyexhausted.

Back at the house, Stacy and Susan helped her figure out how tohang her new clothes in a way that would make sense. She wassettled in before Susan was told to get ready for bed. After sheleft, Stacy sat with Kate on the bed, discussing everything from

records to boyfriends. It was almost ten before Mrs. Thorntoncame into the room, and told them they needed to get ready forbed. It was strange to Kate, but comforting.

Her dad had never known when she went to bed, if she went atall. He was passed out long before ten, and that gave her thefreedom to sneak out, stay up all night, or anything else shewanted to do, including drinking and smoking marijuana. She

realized she had not even thought about alcohol or drugs any thelast week. Since she used them as an escape, she was just happyto not need them anymore.

After Stacy left, Kate washed her face, and went to bed. She wasnot able to sleep. The bed was much softer than hers had been,and the silk sheets felt wonderful. The room was warm enough,but she pulled the plush comforter up over her anyway. She feltsafe.

She lay there looking around the room, and thinking about all ofthe events that brought her to that point. The old house, school,and the kids she would not see any more. She thought about herdad. Now that she was getting settled into a new, morecomforting life, she felt sad for her dad.

She knew he had it rough when he was growing up. Maybe all of

his issues really were not his fault. Maybe he really hadtried todo the best he could. She was still feeling angry at him when shethought of the things he had done to her. She didnt have toworry about any of that happening again. She was with a family


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that truly seemed to care. She had known only fleeting momentsof what she thought might be happiness in her life. Not sure

how long it would last, she only knew she would enjoy it whileshe could.


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Ch. 5 -- Christianity

Sunday morning, they all went to church. It was the first timeKate had ever been, and it was strange at first. Everyone wasreally nice to her, and she was not used to that. They kept tellingher they had been praying for her, which didnt make any senseat all. None of them even knew her. Why would they be prayingfor her? She had heard about prayer, but had never knownanyone who professed to believe in it.

The pastors sermon that day was about loving people, and

forgiving others the way God forgives us.

Whatever, she thought. He obviously doesnt live in the realworld. Lets see him forgive a dad who does things like minedid.

But there was a kindness in the pastors eyes. Just like she hadnoticed in Mr. Thornton. Several of the other people in the

church seemed really happy, and genuinely peaceful.

Let them live outside for awhile, and see how peaceful theystay. Id have peace, too if I lived in a nice little bubble like theydo.

The Thorntons were really nice, and maybe this Christianity stuffhad helped them somehow. But God certainly had not helpedherin any way. If she was going to live in their nice house, and

be taken care of by them, then going to church would be a partof it. She was okay with that.

Doesnt hurt me to come sit and listen to some dork talk abouta bunch of nonsense, she thought. Easy enough.

Getting settled into the new school was a different story. Sheknew absolutely none of the kids going there. Changing schools

at the beginning of a new year would be hard enough. Changingright in the middle, after the girls had formed their cliques, was alot harder.


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And this far from the normal high school, it was a private school.That might have been okay, except most of the girls who went

here had been kicked out of regular school, or were like her, andpregnant. Some of them were hard, and didnt care to knowanyone new.

After a few weeks, she became friends with a girl named Julie,who was also pregnant. She had also been placed with a fosterfamily after the death of her parents in a car wreck on the wayhome from a school play. Julie was quiet, but strong, andalthough she had few friends, the other girls seemed to respect

her. Julie had been at the school since the first of the year, andwas already almost seven months along. She talked about gettingtired a lot, and how she was eating way more than she thoughtshe should.

One afternoon, when they were walking home from school, Kateasked, Are you going to keep the baby?

I cant care for a child,Julie answered. They are finding afamily to adopt. There are always families that want to have kids,but cant.

Did you ever want to get rid of it? Kate asked.

She could feel Julie looking at her strangely, but pretended shedidnt.

What do you mean?

I dont want to have my baby. And I doubt anyone else wouldeither.

Dont be silly. Lots of people would love to have it.

The word "it" stuck in Kates mind. Julie used the word because

she didnt know if the baby was a boy or girl. Kate had used itbecause that is what it was to her. An it. Her fathers child.Julie had been reckless with her boyfriend, and gotten pregnant.It had not been planned, but they were in love. At least they felt


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like they were. Kates child was brought about out of hatred.And she didnt want to go through with it.

"It"Kate didnt want it to be born. The thought of seeing orholding her fathers child nauseated her.

My father assaulted me, she heard herself say.

Julie stopped walking, and Kate turned around to look at her.The look on Julies face was one of shock and sadness.

You cant be serious, she said after several seconds.

Dont tell anyone, okay?Kate asked. I dont want peoplelooking at me like you just did.

Im sorry, Julie said. I just cant believe it. Thats horrible.

Its done. I just want to put it all behind me and move on. Im

with a good family now. But no one would want this child. Iwish there was a way to get rid of it.

You cant talk that way. Its still a child. God still created thatchild, and loves it. And He can provide someone who will love itand care for itsomeone to give it a good home. There is nosuch thing as a bad baby. It deserves to be loved and cared fortoo.

Great. Another Christian, she thought. Im going to besurrounded by them now, I guess.

Kate didnt argue anymore. Mainly because she didnot wantJulie to start talking to her about God. Inside, Kate knew therewas no way to get rid of the baby. Mrs. Thornton had alreadytalked to her a little about having the baby, and finding a nicefamily to adopt. If no one wanted to adopt it, the Thorntons

would raise it there. Kate definitely didnt want that. Shewantednothing to do with it.


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In the evenings, she reveled in her new family. They all atetogether, then watched a little television or played a game

together. The girls would all do whatever school work theymight have, and then Mrs. Thornton would come make sure theywere ready for bed, and tuck them in. Mrs. Thornton kept tellingKate to call her mom, but she wasnt able to do that. To Kate,mom was not a positive title. Mrs. Thornton was much nicerthan she remembered her mom being. Kate didnt think Mrs.Thornton would ever run away. This was an entirely differentlife than she was used to, but she loved every minute of it.

The months passed way too quickly as they tend to do. Andwhile she didn't understand why, the longer she carried the baby,the more she became attached to it. The family was still good toher, but the newness had obviously worn off. They even argueda time or two about the baby. They had listed the child asavailable for adoption, and a family had been interested. Thepaperwork was done. It was only waiting on the child to beborn.

For a while, she argued to keep the baby. The Thorntonsdisagreed, saying she would not be able to give the child as gooda home as the adopting family would. When she asked why theywould not be there helping, it just went back to the fact thatsomeone had already agreed to adopt. Trying to tell herself itwould be better this way, she just couldnt see it.

At first, she had hated the fact that it was growing in her for the

first several months. Nearing the due date, she could only thinkof how she would give the child a better life than she had beengiven. She would make sure not to put the kid through any ofthe problems she went through. But the Thorntons were set. Itangered her that they were not listening any more. They wereacting as if she had no rights now. She tried one more time totalk to them, but it ended up in a huge argument. She agreed togive the baby up, but inside knew she would not be able to.


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Ch. 6 -- Deception

The Marshalls were scheduled to pick up the baby from thehospital on the day of his birth. She had already named himDavid, though she didnt tell anyone. She knew the Marshallswould give him the name they wanted. But she remembered theway she felt when she was with David. He had made her forgetthe problems when she was with him. If it had not been for herdad, they could have been happy together. She would bringDavid up in a loving, caring home. Knowing the Thorntonswere not going to change their minds, she knew what she must

do. She would leave in a few nights. In the meantime, she wouldtry to get a few things for the baby from the Thorntons.

Do you know much about the Marshalls? she asked Mrs.Thornton.

Well, the agency says they passed all of the checks, Mrs.Thornton answered. Dont worry. The babywill have a good

home. They are a Christian family who will love him, and takegood care of him. The agency wouldnt let them adopt him ifthey werent sure of that.

No, I know. I was just wondering if he would have the nicethings you have here.

Well, they dont have a home quite as nice as ours, but they dookay. Why?

I was just thinking; maybe we...maybeyoucould set them upwith some things to take home with them to get them started.You know.diapers, bottles and stuff.

Mrs. Thornton gave her a look that was both caring andconcerned. She walked across the kitchen, put her arms aroundKate, and held her close.

I think thatis just about the nicest thing Ive ever heard. Let metalk to Mr. Thornton. Im sure he would love to do that forthem also.


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Kate left the kitchen, and went back to her room. She sat on thebed, and began talking to her unborn son.

Dont worry David, she said softly. Well be out of here in acouple of days. Were going to be fine. Just you and me. Untilsomeone comes along that wants to take care of us. But dontworry. I not going to let anyone hurt you. If he isnt good, Iwont let him stay around. Im going to give you a wonderfullife. I know it will be hard, but we will make it. And you willhave more love than most people ever know.

That night after dinner, Mrs. Thornton came into Kates room asshe was getting ready for bed.

Mr. Thornton said he thought your idea was absolutelywonderful. We will go in the morning to get a bunch of supplies,and send them to the Marshalls so they will have them when thebaby comes. You are very compassionate to think of helpingthem, when you are giving them your child also. That has to be

the most sacrificial attitudes Ive ever come across.

She proceeded to talk to Kate about Jesus. She had done that onseveral occasions. She didnt really care to hear much about it. IfGod was real, why would He have allowed such horrible thingsto happen? If He was going to let those things happen, He eitherwas notvery powerful, or He was a god she didnt have anydesire to know anything about.

She had read the Bible verses, and listened to the family discussthings during their evening devotions. She had heard thepreaching and teaching every Sunday. The Thorntons reallyseemed to love each other and care about others. But why werethey making her give up her baby? Why would they have not lether keep him, and raise him in their home? They certainly madeenough money. Mrs. Thornton had said that the baby would besuch a blessing to a family who was not able to have kids of their

own. Yes, they were different, no doubt. And part of herwanted to be like them.


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But she was different. God could never love her. Not even herown parents loved her. That explained why He allowed such

horrible things to happen to her. Because He didnt love hereither.

The next afternoon, the family sat in the family room, putting thesupplies together. There were supplies to last them an entiremonth. Diapers, baby clothes, toys, bath things, even formula.She could feed the baby herself, but the formula could be sold orexchanged for some other things she would need. This wasbetter than she could have hoped.

She would put everything in a couple of suitcases, and sneak outin the middle of the night. She didnt want to steal from them,but she would need some money to get started. She knew Mr.Thornton had a lot of cash in a lock box in the bottom drawer ofthe office desk in the den. It would be enough to get her started.She hoped they would forgive her, but in the end, she knew shewould probably never see them again anyway.

She would go into Houston. There would be cheap enoughhousing, and she could get a job. It would be tough, she knew.But she was determined.

That night in her room, she sat "reading the Bible Mrs.Thornton had given her the first night there. She was really justlooking busy, waiting for everyone else to go to bed. Mrs.Thornton came in around eight, and asked if she was okay. She

told her she was looking up verses in the Bible to make her feelbetter.

I didnt think you had any interest in that, Mrs. Thornton said.

I dont knowIts just so different here. So niceand peaceful.You all seem so happy. I thought maybe God had something totell me if I just looked.

She surprised herself with such a believable lie. She was afraidshe might have pushed it too far, but Mrs. Thornton put herhand Kate's shoulder, and Kate saw a tear in her eye.


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God always has something to say if you will just listen. ReadingHis word is a good way to get to know about Him, but He wants

so much more for you.

What do you mean? she asked, already afraid of the answer.

Jesus lovedyou so much that He came to die for you. Heprovided forgiveness for you on the Cross. It was there that Hetook your sins, and paid for them with His blood. By yourself,you could do nothing to earn your way into Heaven. But just byaccepting that Jesus died for your sins, and that God raised Him

from the dead, you can be saved. Accept Jesus as your personalSavior, and repent of your sins, and God will wash you in theblood of The Lamb. He promises He will never leave you, orforsake you. You will never be alone again.

Kate felt a tear in her eye, and a lump developing in her throat.It all sounded so good. But she knew better. Mrs. Thorntondidnt know Kate the way she thought she did. Okay, so maybe

Jesus didcome and die on a cross. But He only did that for thosewho were worthy. Maybe even for those who would one daybeworthy. Not for Kate. If Mrs. Thornton knew that Kate wasleaving in the middle of the night, and stealing money fromthem, she would not be telling Kate that Jesus loved her.

Wait a minute, she thought. This is perfect. If I do what shewants, she will think Im saved, and they will certainly not expectanything is coming.

She allowed the tears to flow a little more, and even helped thema little. She thought of how alone she really felt, and the promiseof never being alone again. She allowed herself to feel sorry forherself, and cried as much as she could.

Well, it isnt sobbing, but its pretty good! she thought.

Mrs. Thornton put her arms around Kate, and held her tight fora moment. Kate really liked that. For a moment, she almostchanged her mind.


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It really isnice here, she thought. And I know David will beokay with the new family. Maybe they will even let me see him.

I really like it here. Ill never have a chance like this again.

But inside, she didnt believe what she was pretending to believe.She knew God didnt love her. What would it be like in sixmonths or a year, when the family found out she had lied aboutall of this?

It was better that she go away, and not burden this family theway she had burdened hers.

She thought about stopping the act before it got any deeper.This was the best way to keep them from suspecting she mightbe leaving. She felt a little ashamed about hurting Mrs. Thorntonby misleading her. Or was it something deeper? The truth was,she did not really care. She just wanted to get it over with. Shewas extremely uncomfortable, and chalked it up to being fromsuch a different worldthe realworld.

Her thoughts were interrupted, as Mrs. Thornton pulled herselfaway just far enough to look into Kates eyes.

Do you want to ask Jesus to save you? Do you want Him togive you eternal life with Him?

Eternal life? What a joke. Did theThorntons really believe inthat?

Yes, she said.

Mrs. Thornton began crying, and called out, Stephen!

Mr. Thornton came in, and Mrs. Thornton put her arm aroundher, and looked up at Mr. Thornton.

Kate wants to accept Jesus, she said excitedly.

He smiled in a way Kate had not seen him smile. All of his teethwere showing, and he was radiant.


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Thats wonderful! he said, coming over, and picking her upinto the warmest hug she had ever had. When he set her back

down, she noticed a tear in his eye.

What isthis? she wondered. Why are they getting so workedup?

They led her in a prayer, and all she had to do was repeat whatthey said.

Heavenly Father, I know that I have sinned against you and that

my sins separate me from you. I am truly sorry. I now want toturn away from my past sinful life and turn to you forforgiveness. Please forgive me, and help me avoid sinning again. Ibelieve that your Son, Jesus Christ, died for my sins, wasresurrected from the dead, is alive, and hears my prayer. I inviteJesus to become the Lord of my life, to rule and reign in my heartfrom this day forward. Please send your Holy Spirit to help meobey You, and to do Your will for the rest of my life. In Jesus'

name I pray, Amen.

Mrs. Thornton then called the other girls in, and the entire familywere crying, but happy. They were hugging each other, andKate.

She felt really badly at that moment. She had not only lied, but itwas apparently something that was way more serious than shehad previously thought. She had no idea they were going to

make such a big deal out of it. She had only wanted to appeaseMrs. Thornton so she would not suspect they were about to berobbed.

She tried to push it out of her mind, and tell herself that it wasreally no big deal. It was not working.

After several minutes of excited visiting, the girls were told to go

get ready for bed. Mr. Thornton hugged Kate again, holing hertight for several seconds. It didnt feel as awkward as Katethought it should. It was like he genuinely loved her. He kissed


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her forehead, and something inside warmed. He then turned,and walked out of the room.

Mrs. Thornton looked at Kate for a second, and softly said,What happened here tonight will change your life forever.Everything is going to be different now.

She smiled, and Kate noticed a gleam in her eyes. Everythinghappens for a reason, she began again. Everything that hashappened to you before has led you to this decision.

She thought she should say something, but no words came to hermind. She just tried to smile a little, and she nodded as if sheunderstood. Mrs. Thornton gave Kate another hug, and a kisson the forehead.

Dont stay up past ten, Mrs. Thornton said. Tomorrowsgoing to be a long day.

Im just going to read a few more minutes, and Ill get ready andgo to bed.

It made Kate a little sad. She wished she didnt have to leave.She had a pretty good life there. She had never been cared forlike she was right then, and they were just a temporary home.Why would they not let her keep David? They could all be sohappy there. But she knew it was only a matter of time beforethey realized she had only done what they said to. It really had

not meant anything to her. And they would never understandher reasons. They had a soft life. They really didnt understandwhat life was like for most people.


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Ch. 7 -- Houston

It was eleven thirty when she started moving around her room,getting her things together. She packed her clothes and a fewbath supplies in one suitcase, and the baby things in another. Shestuffed the few cans of formula she could fit into an overnightbag. She quietly made her way to the den, and pulled thelockbox out of the bottom drawer. It was locked, so she stuffedthe entire thing into the overnight bag. She had to take out threecans of the formula to make room for it. She only hoped therewas a lot of cash in it. She called a cab, and gave them an address

of the convenience store down the street.

She left a note on the kitchen bar, simply saying, Imsorry...thank you for everything.

She sat on the curb outside the store for almost ten minutesbefore the taxi arrived. She pried the lockbox open while shewaited. There was almost four hundred and fifty dollars. She

would be able to live for a couple of months if necessary. Thatwould give her plenty of time to get a job and get an apartment.As the driver loaded her suitcases into the trunk, she settled intothe back seat. She rode in silence to Houston, only speakingenough to tell the driver to drop her off at a small motel.

It was nearly one in the morning before they reached the Valu-Inn near Houston Baptist University. It was a decent lookingpart of town, and the motel was at least a little clean looking.

The driver carried her suitcases inside, and she gave him fivedollars for the four dollar ride. She went to the counter, whereshe was met by an older man, looking suspiciously at her.

Youre not here alone, are you? he asked.

Im checking in tonight. My husband is coming tomorrow.

She was hoping he would buy the lie, and at least give her a roomfor the night.


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Youre too young to be married, he answered. Are you arunaway?

Why would he have asked that? Had the Thorntons called thepolice and reported her? Suddenly, the thoughts of how muchtrouble she might be in flooded her head. She thought quicklyabout how to lie her way out of it. If she told the truth, he wouldcall the police, and they would come get her. David would betaken away, and she would probably not be able to live with theThorntons anymore. She would have to face them, though, andanswer why she had stolen the money from them. She felt

horrible about having to steal, and didnt want to see thedisappointment in their eyes.

I was living with my boyfriend, she started.

As she spoke, her eyes began tearing up. She knew if he didntbuy it this time, she was out of luck.

He beat me up, assaulted me, and got me pregnant. He saidhe'll kill the baby when it's born. He wanted me to get anabortion. I waited until he was drunk, and took off. I just need aplace to stay until I can get an apartment.

What about your parents? he asked.

My mother left when I was four, and my dad was killed a fewyears ago.

It may not have been the complete truth, but it was only a bit ofembellishment. Her eyes were filled with tears now, whichcouldnt hurt.

I was placed with a foster family. But that father was abusivealso. If I stayed there, he would have hurt the baby.

Look, I cant rent a room to a teenage girl who's about to have ababy.


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Im trying to make a new life for me and my child. I just need alittle help. I have the money. Ive been saving it for years from

babysitting jobs. Im going to get an apartment and a job. I justneed a place to stay for a couple of days. I dont have anywhereelse to go. Please

She felt the tears coming more now, and realized she was cryingfor real. She was scared that she was going to get turned in. Hadshe just blown everything?

The room is six-fifty a night. You have that much? he asked.

I can pay a week in advance.

What are you doing traveling in the middle of the night, carryingthat much money?

Please she started.

Look, its none of my business. I just want to make sureyouarent running from the law or something.

I promise, Im not. I just trying to get a new start.

Okay. But if the police come, Im not going to try to cover foryou.

They wont, I promise.

He took her money, and took a key from the pegboard.

Ill show you to your room.

He took her suitcases, and walked her out the front door. Theywalked to the second room behind the office. He opened thedoor, and set her suitcases inside by the bed.

Make sure you leave the door locked. This isnt the worstneighborhood, but from time to time, things come up missing.Im in the room next door, between here and the office. If you


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need anything, just come get me, or call 120 on the phone. Helooked at her with a look that was just shy of pity, and turned and

left.

She locked the door, and suddenly felt very alone. She hadchosen to be here, but it hit her that she had no one to talk to,and no one to ask for help.

She changed, and sat on the bed, watching television until justafter one-thirty. Exhausted, she brushed her teeth, washed herface and crawled into the bed. She was asleep in moments, and

didnt wake up until close to three when she heard talking outsideher window. She walked to the window, and tried looking outthe side without moving the curtain. She was not sure if it mightbe the police, which would be bad, or someone else, which couldbe worse.

Looking outside, she could only see shadows, but did not see anypolice cars. She picked up the phone, ready to call the owner.

She hesitated a second, and slowly set the phone back down.The voices were getting quieter, and after a few minutes, it wasquiet again. It took several minutes for her to settle down, butshe eventually drifted back to sleep.

By her third day, she was more comfortable. She had becomecloser to Mr. Logan, the owner of the motel. She had talked tohim about Houston, where to eat, apartments that were good,and bad, and where she might look for a job. He offered her a

job, cleaning rooms, and helping with the front desk. In return,she would get the room free, and he would help her however hecould.

He took her to the hospital at eleven-thirty one night when shebegan her labor. Knowing she didn't have anyone, he stayedthere with her all night. David Reilly Holcomb was born atseven fifty-three the next morning.

Mr. Logan helped her fill out all of the paperwork, and signedthat he was her guardian, and that she was living with him. Shewas relieved that he had apparently bought her story completely,


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and although he seemed a little rough, she was thankful he wasthere.

Three days later, she was released, and he drove her back to themotel. He had bought a used crib from a garage sale, and placedit in her room, along with sheets and blankets for the baby.

"Now you don't worry about cleaning, or anything," he said,getting her settled. "When you get back on your feet okay, wecan talk about it. I think maybe I can hire Mabel again, and lether take up the cleaning. You could work the front desk most of

the time. All you would have to do is answer the phones andcheck people in and out. A lot easier, and you could put the cribin the back office, so the little one would always be close enoughfor you to keep an eye on."

It was a new start. Cleaning the rooms had been simple. It wasnot a busy motel, so she only cleaned the rooms a few times aweek. There were only fifteen rooms in all, and she could clean a

room in less than ten minutes. If he had rented the entire thingout, it would only take her two and a half hours to clean.

Working the front desk was even better. She answered thephone, which might ring twice a day. She could check someonein, which might happen once a week while she was sitting there.And she received deliveries from the mailman or deliverycompany.

After a few weeks, Mabel quit coming to work again, and shetook up the slack. One afternoon while cleaning a room, shefound a small bag in the trash. In the bag was a little marijuana.She knew to throw it out immediately, but hesitated. Who wouldit hurt if she were to smoke it one more time? It would help herrelax. She put the bag in her pocket, and finished cleaning theroom.

Less than two weeks later, she was smoking almost every dayagain. For a while, she was able to hide it from Mr. Logan. Shewould wait until she knew he was in the office behind the frontdesk, and she would go around the side or back of the motel, and


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get high. A couple of times, she thought he suspectedsomething, but didnt say anything.

One afternoon, she was on the side, and he walked around andcaught her. He was more upset than she thought he would be.In fact, he not only fired her, he kicked her out of the motel.

Youre lucky I dont call the police, he said. I will not haveany drugs in my motel. Not from you, or anyone else.

She had learned about a couple of apartment complexes that

might be in her price range. She had unfortunately spent a goodportion of the money she took from the Thorntons. She hadenough to pay a month or two of rent, but would need to get ajob as soon as she was settled. She stashed away soap andshampoo from the motel, and took a cab to the Gulfton area. Itwas not a great area, but was somewhere she could afford if shemanaged to get even a low-paying job.

The taxi ride was quiet, and even a little somber. It was mid-afternoon, and hot. The apartments looked okay. She filled outan application, putting down that she was eighteen, and using herold address information, hoping they would believe her. Theyshowed her a one-bedroom unit that was in the back of thecomplex. It was just what she wanted. The rent was low, and itwas in the back, away from the street. She was less likely to beseen or bothered there. Behind the apartments was a small parkwhere she could take David when he was older.

The neighborhood looked like she would be able to find somedrugs if needed. She wanted to stop for the babys sake, but shedidnt think it was really hurting much. Once she found a job,she would get her mind on other things, and maybe she could getout of it. After all, when she was with the Thorntons, she hadnot needed it much. The hardest thing she was facing wasfinding a job where she could also take care of David, or a job

that would pay enough to find someone to watch him while sheworked.


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She was there only two days when George and Eva Rivera fromnext door introduced themselves. They were both nineteen,

married, and had two kids. They were friendly enough, butseemed a little rough around the edges.

He worked at the transmission shop, mainly grunt work. Shestayed at home and watched the kids. After explaining hersituation, Eva offered to watch David while Kate was at work.While she didnt really know them well enough to trust her childwith them, she didnt see a lot of choice. George mentioned thatWilliams drugstore had an opening for a counter girl, working in

the soda fountain. She had no experience, but how hard could itbe?

The next day, she left David with Eva, and went to Williams,and interviewed with the manager. He accepted her lack ofexperience would be balanced by her promise to be a quicklearner, and her pleasant, outgoing personality. He hired her fora dollar twenty-five an hour. She was to work the soda fountain,

and help in the pharmacy or one of the registers if they needed it.Mr. Bennett reminded her a little of Mr. Thornton. He had kindeyes, and a gentle speaking voice.

She started on Wednesday so she could work with Earl. He wastwenty-two, and had been working there since he was sixteen.He knew just about everything there was too know abouteverything in the store. He even knew how to work in thepharmacy, and helped there from time to time. He took her

under his wing, and helped her learn how to do the job quickly,easily, and efficiently.

One afternoon, he was working in the pharmacy, and she went toask him a question. She saw him slip something into the pocketof his smock. She asked what it was, and he tried to brush heroff. She didnt push him, but knew he was hiding something. Itappeared he was stealing something, but it was off the shelf in

the pharmacy. He was putting drugs into his pocket, but why?On her break, she went into the break room in the back. He wassitting at the table with his smock draped over the back of the


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chair. They chit-chatted for several minutes about nothing inparticular.

Well, my break is about over, he said, getting up.

He turned and walked toward the restroom, leav

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