INTRODUCTION

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective PeopleBy Stephen Covey

There is no real excellence in all this world which can be separated from right living

The Key for Successful Living

Personality Ethic Character Ethic

Focus on attitude and behavior minor change

To change the situation first we have to change ourselves and our perceptions significant, quantum change

Works in short term situation (symptomatic treatment)

Has personal worth in the long term relationship

Social band aids that treats only acute problems temporarily

Treats the underlying chronic problem

The Key for Successful Living

Primary greatness Secondary greatness

Get to work on the root, the character (primary greatness) from which these attitude and behavior flow.

Quit lacking at the leaves of attitude and behavior (secondary greatness)

The Power of a Paradigm

A frame of reference, a model A perception, assumption The way we perceive, understand & accordingly interpret and judge things. A mental

map Two people can see the same thing, disagree and yet both are right.

The Principle-Centered Paradigm

-The Character Ethic is based on the fundamental idea that there are principles that govern human effectiveness.

Principles Defined:

Principles are part of the human condition, part of human consciousness, and part of the human conscience.

Principles are not practices. Principles are not esoteric, mysterious, or "religious" ideas.

Principles of Growth and Change-we can’t achieve quality of life, deep relationship without going through the natural process of work and growth.

The way we see the problem is the problem-you have to establish of the right problem.

The Seven Habits – An Overview-our character is composed of our habits and have powerful role in our lives.

Habits-is the intersection of knowledge, skill and desire.

Effectiveness-7 habits are effective because they are based on principles they bring the max long term beneficial result possible.

HABIT 1: Be Proactive

The Principles of Personal Vision are the foundation of the first habit.

 Self-awareness - the ability to engage in an honest, reflective, personal analysis of self, is the most fundamental paradigm of effectiveness.

The Social Mirror:   The only vision we have of ourselves comes from the social mirror; that is, our self-perception is disjointed and out of proportion based on our perceptions rather than our reflections of how others view us.

Between Stimulus and Response: Based on Pavlov’s theory, we are conditioned to respond in a certain way to a certain stimulus.  Based on Covey’s theory, between stimulus and response, man has the freedom to choose.  In addition to self-awareness, this includes imagination, conscience, and independent will.

“Proactivity” Defined: “Our behavior is a function of our decisions, not our conditions…we have the initiative and responsibility to make things happen” Reactive vs. Proactive is defined here.   Covey states that “reactive people are driven by feelings, by circumstances, by conditions, by their environment.  Proactive people are driven by values- carefully thought about, selected, and internalized values”

Taking the Initiative: In short, “taking the bull by the horns” and promoting change.

Act or Be Acted Upon: “If you wait to be acted upon, you will be acted upon”

Listening To Our Language:   Even our language can provide insight into if we are proactive or reactive in our approach to life.  While the proactive view “subordinates feelings to valuesthe reactive view “feels increasingly victimized and out of control, not in charge of their life or their destiny…they blame outside forces for their own situation”

Circle of Concern/ Circle of Influence: Our personal Circle of Concern signifies those areas of concern where we focus our time and effort.  Within that Circle of Concern lies those things in which we have the ability to control or change (Circle of Influence), and those things in which we have no control.  By determining these two circles, we can determine the focus of most of our time and energy, which in turn, identifies the degree of our productivity.

Direct, Indirect, and No Control: All problems that we face fall into one of these three categories.

Expanding the Circle of Influence: “It is inspiring to realize that in choosing our response to circumstance, we powerfully affect our circumstance.  When we change one part of the chemical formula, we change the nature of the results.

The “Have’s” and the “Be’s”: The Circle of Concern is filled with “the haves”, while the Circle of Influence is filled with “the be’s”.

The Other End of the Stick:   While we are free to choose our actions, we are not free to choose our consequences. Covey impresses upon the reader that it is important to acknowledge and correct our mistakes to ensure both that we are empowered again, and that those mistakes have no power over the future.

Making and Keeping Commitments: Start small to build your honor, which will soon become stronger than your moods.

HABIT 2: Begin with the End in Mind

The Habit of Personal Leadership

What it means:

To begin with the end in mind is to begin with the image of the end of your life as the frame of reference by which everything else is measured.

We may be busy, we may be efficient, but we will only be effective if we begin with the end in mind.

All Things Are Created Twice:

1) a mental or first creation 2) a physical or second creation

Leadership and Management:

Leadership deals with Direction (Doing the right things) Management deals with Speed, Co-ordination, Logistics in moving in that direction

(Doing the things RIGHT)

Principle Center:

Our lives need to be centered on correct principles -- deep, fundamental truths, classic truths, generic common denominators.

As a principle centered person, you try stand apart from the emotions of situations and from other factors to evaluate options.

At the Center

-Our four life-supporting factors derive from the very center of our circle of influence

Alternative Centers

Our deepest center:

o Worko Familyo Spouse/Husbando Friendo Religiono Selfo Pleasureo Possessionso Money

1) Security - represent your sense of worth, your identity, your emotional anchorage, your self esteem, your basic personal strength or lack of it.

2) Guidance – means your source of direction in life. Encopassed by your map, your internal frame of referencethat interprets for you what is happening out there.

3) Wisdom – is your perspective in life, your sense of balance.

4) Power - it is the vital energy to make choices and decisions.

Alternative Centers

Our deepest center:

o Worko Familyo Spouse/Husbando Friendo Religiono Selfo Pleasureo Possessionso Money

Habit 3: Put First Things First TM -- Principles of Personal Management

Definition:

Habit 3 is the second or physical creation. Habit 3 is the exercise of independent will toward becoming principle centered.

The Power of Independent will

1. The degree to which we have developed our independent will is measured by our personal integrity.

2. Integrity is the value we place on ourselves.3. Effective management is putting first things first.

Four Generations of Time Management

Time Management golden phrase - Organize and execute around priorities.

1st generation - The first wave or generation could be characterized by notes and

checklists, an effort to give some semblance of recognition and inclusiveness to

the many demands placed on our time and energy.

2nd generation - The second generation could be characterized by calendars and

appointment books.

3rd generation reflects the current time-management field.

4th generation -focus on preserving and enhancing relationships and accomplishing results. The challenge is not to manage time, but to manage ourselves. Satisfaction is a function of expectation as well as realization. And expectation (and satisfaction) lie in our Circle of Influence.

Time management

Important - Activities that contribute to your mission and goals

– Tests, exercise, relationships, work, projects

Urgent-Pressing things, in-your-face-things, activities that demand immediate attention

– Phone calls, interruptions, a test tomorrow, car breaks down

Time Quadrant

URGENT NOT URGENT

Lead Irresponsible lives – people who spent time from quadrant III & IV Effective people - stay out of Quadrants III and IV. Quadrant II is the heart of effective personal management

Quadrant II

Quadrant II activities are clearly the heart of effective personal management -- the "first things" we need to put first -- then how do we organize and execute around those things.

6 CRITERIA OF QUADRANT II ORGNIZER:

1. Coherence - Harmony, unity, and integrity between vision and mission, priorities and plans, and desires and discipline.

2. Balance - keep balance in your life, to identify your various roles and keep them right in front of you, so that you don't neglect important areas such as your health, your family, professional preparation, or personal development.

3. Quadrant II Focus - Organize your life on a weekly basis. Schedule your priorities don't prioritize what's on your schedule.

4. A “PEOPLE” dimension - Focus on people not just the schedule.5. Flexibility - Your planning tool should be your servant, never your master. Since it has to

work for you, it should be tailored to your style, your needs, and your particular ways.6. Portability: Your tool should also be portable, so that you can carry it with you most of

the time.

Becoming a quadrant II manager

1. Identifying Roles: The first task is to write down your key roles. If you haven't really given serious thought to the roles in your life, you can write down what immediately comes to mind. You have a role as an individual.

2. Selecting Goals: The next step is to think of two or three important results you feel you should accomplish in each role during the next seven days. These would be recorded as goals.

3. Scheduling: Look at the week ahead with your goals in mind and schedule time to achieve them.

4. Daily Adapting: Taking a few minutes each morning to review your schedule can put you in touch with the value-based decisions you made as you organized the week as well as unanticipated factors that may have come up.

Advances to fourth generation

Principle-centered - More than giving lip service to Quadrant II, it creates the central paradigm that empowers you to see your time in the context of what is really important an effective

Conscience-directed - It gives you the opportunity to organize your life to the best of your ability in harmony with your deepest values. But it also gives you the freedom to peacefully subordinate your schedule to higher values.

Third, it defines your unique mission, including values and long-term goals. This gives direction and purpose to the way you spend each day.

Fourth, it helps you balance your life by identifying roles, and by setting goals and scheduling activities in each key role every week.

fifth, it gives greater context through weekly organizing (with daily adaptation as needed)

Gofer Delegation

- Focuses on the methods and become responsible for the results

Stewardship Delegation

- Focuses on the results not methods.

1. Desired Results: Create a clear, mutual understanding of what needs to be accomplished, focusing on what, not how; results, not methods

2. Guidelines: Identify the parameters within which the individual should operate

3. Resources: Identify the human, financial, technical, or organizational resources the person can draw on to accomplish the desired results.

4. Accountability: Set up the standards of performance that will be used in evaluating the results and the specific times when reporting and evaluation will take place

5. Consequences: Specify what will happen, both good and bad, as a result of the evaluation.

Part ThreePublic VictoryParadigms of InterdependenceThere can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity-- Samuel Johnson

The Emotional Bank Account TM

- Metaphor that describes the amount of trust that's been built up in a relationship.

Six Major Deposits:

1. Understanding the Individuals- “Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.”

2. Attending to the Little Things- little kindness and courtesies are so important. In relationship, small things are big thins.

3. Keeping Commitments- people build their hopes around promises, breaking one is a major withdrawal.

4. Clarifying Expectations- the cause of almost all relationship difficulties is rooted in conflicting or ambiguous around roles and goals.

5. Showing Personal Integrity- generates trust and is the basis of many different kind of deposits. Integrity means avoiding any communications that is deceptive.

6. Apologizing Sincerely When You Make a Withdrawal- great deposits come in sincere words.

The Habits of InterdependenceWith the paradigm of the Emotional Bank Account in mind, we're ready to move into the habits of Public Victory, or success in working with other people.

Public Victory- interacting with others.Private Victory- are personal and relate to you as an individual person.

Habit 4 -- Think Win/Win

Principles of Interpersonal Leadership

Six Paradigms of Human Interaction

Win/Win Lose/Lose Win/Lose Win Lose/Win Win/Win or No Deal

Win/Win

Agreements or solutions are mutually beneficial A belief in the Third Alternative -- a better way

Win/Lose

Use of position, power, credentials, possessions or personality to get one's way. The win/lose mentality is dysfunctional to interdependence.

Lose/Win

Lose/Win people are quick to please or appease. Capitulation -- giving in or giving up.

Note. Many executives, managers and parents oscillate between Win/Lose and Lose/WIN.

Lose/Lose

Result of encounters between two Win/Lose individuals. Also the philosophy of highly dependent people.

Win

Win at all costs. Other people don't matter. The most common approach in everyday negotiation.

Which Option is Best?

Most situations are part of an interdependent reality. Win/Win solutions are synergistic.

Win/Win or No Deal

If we can't find a solution that would benefit both parties, we agree to disagree. Most realistic at the beginning of a relationship or enterprise.

Five Dimensions of Win/Win

Character. The foundation of Win/Wino Integrity. The value we place on ourselves.o Maturity. The balance between courage and consideration.o Abundance Mentality. There is plenty out there for everybody.

Relationships. Courtesy, respect and appreciation for the other person and his point of view.

Agreements. Cover a wide scope of interdependent action.o Desired results- identify what is to be done and when.o Guidelines- specify the parameters (principles, policies)o Resources- identify human, financial, technical and organizational support

available to help accomplishments.o Accountability- set up the standards of performance and the evaluation.o Consequences- specify good and bad, natural and logical what will happen as a

result. Supportive Systems. Reward systems must reflect the values of the mission statement. Processes. The route to Win/Win:

o See the problem from another point of view.o Identify the key issues and concerns involved.o Determine what results would constitute a fully acceptable solution.o Identify possible new options to achieve those results.

HABIT 5: SEEK FIRST TO UNDERSTAND THEN TO BE UNDERSTOOD

Principles of Empathic Communication

- We have such a tendency to rush in, to fix things up with good advice. But we often fail to take the time to diagnose, to really, deeply understand the problem first.

Character and Communication

Communication- is the most important skill in life. We spend most of our waking hours communicating.

But consider this: You've spent years learning how to read and write, years learning how to speak. But what about listening? What training or education have you had that enables you to listen so that you really, deeply understand another human being from that individual's own frame of reference?

Seek first to understand- If you want to interact effectively with other people, to influence -- your spouse, your

child, your neighbor, your boss, your coworker, your friend -- you first need to understand them. And you can't do that with technique alone. If they sense you're using

some technique, they sense duplicity, manipulation. They wonder why you're doing it, what your motives are. And they don't feel safe enough to open themselves up to you.

- The real key to your influence with them is your example, your actual conduct. Your example flows naturally out of your character, of the kind of person you truly are -- not what others say you are or what you may want them to think you are. It is evident in how they actually experience you.

Build the skills of empathic listening- You have to build the skills of empathic listening on a base of character that inspires

openness and trust. And you have to build the Emotional Bank Accounts that create a commerce between hearts.

Empathic Listening

Most people listen with the intent to reply- We typically seek first to be understood. Most people do not listen with the intent to

understand; they listen with the intent to reply. They're either speaking or preparing to speak. They're filtering everything through their own paradigms, reading their autobiography into other people's lives.

- EX. “"Oh, I know exactly how you feel!" & "I went through the very same thing. Let me tell you about my experience."

When another person speaks, we are usually “listening” at one of four levels: Ignoring

- not really listening at all Pretending

- "Yeah. Uh-huh. Right." Selective listening

- hearing only certain parts Attentive listening

- paying attention and focusing energy on the words that are being said Empathic listening- But very few of us ever practice the fifth level, the highest form of listening, empathic

listening.- When I say empathic listening, I am not referring to the techniques of "active" listening

or "reflective" listening, I mean listening with intent to understand. I mean seeking first to understand, to really understand.

Sympathy vs Empathy- Sympathy is a form of agreement or judgement, more appropriate emotion or response- Empathic listening is not that you agree with someone; it's that you fully, deeply,

understand that person, emotionally as well as intellectually.- you listen with your ears, but you also, and more importantly, listen with your eyes and

with your heart. You listen for feeling, for meaning. You listen for behavior. Human motivations: Satisfied needs, do not motivate

- It's only the unsatisfied need that motivates. Next to physical survival, the greatest need of a human being is psychological survival -- to be understood, to be affirmed, to be validated, to be appreciated.

- When you listen with empathy to another person, you give that person psychological air. And after that vital need is met, you can then focus on influencing or problem solving.

Psychological air

Diagnose Before You Prescribe

Diagnose Before You Prescribe is a correct principle in many areas of life- seek first to understand, or diagnose before you prescribe, is a correct principle

manifesting many areas of life. It's the mark of all true professionals. You wouldn't have any confidence in a doctor's prescription unless you had confidence in the diagnosis.

Amateur salesman sells product, professional salesman sells solutions to needs and problems

- This principle is also true in sales. An effective salesperson first seeks to understand the needs, the concerns, the situation of the customer.

- It's a totally different approach. The professional learns how to diagnose, how to understand. He also learns how to relate people's needs to his products and services. And, he has to have the integrity to say, "My product or service will not meet that need" if it will not.

Four Autobiographical Responses- We tend to respond in one of four ways We evaluate- We either agree or disagree We probe- We ask questions from our own frame of reference We advise- We give counsel based on our own experience We interpret- we try to figure people out, to explain their motives, their behavior, based on our own

motives and behavior.

Empathic listening involves four developmental stages

Mimic content Ex. Boy: Dad, I’ve had it! School is for the birds! Dad: You’ve had it! You think school is for the birds.- least effective is to mimic content. You just listen to the words that come out

of someone's mouth and you repeat them. Rephrase the content

Ex. Boy: Dad, I’ve had it! School is for the birds! Dad: You don’t want to go to school anymore.- It's a little more effective, but it's still limited to the verbal communication

- This time, you've put his meaning into your own words. Now you're thinking about what he said, mostly with the left side, the reasoning, logical side of the brain.

Reflect feelingEx. Boy: Dad, I’ve had it! School is for the birds! Dad: You’re feeling really frustrated.- Now you're not paying as much attention to what he's saying as you are to the

way he feels about what he's saying. Rephrase the content and reflect the feeling

Ex. Boy: Dad, I’ve had it! School is for the birds! Dad: You’re really frustrated about school.- Frustration is the feeling; school is the content. You're using both sides of

your brain to understand both sides of his communication.- As you seek to understand, as you rephrase content and reflect feeling, you

give him psychological air. You also help him work through his own thoughts and feelings.

Empathic listening enables to turn transactional opportunities into transformational opportunities

- has created a situation in which he can now have transforming impact. By setting aside our own autobiography and really seeking to understand,

The key to empathic listening- Is to genuinely seek the welfare of the individual to whom you are listening

Understanding and Perception

Differences in perception- As you learn to listen deeply to other people, you will discover tremendous differences in

perception. You will also begin to appreciate the impact that these differences can have as people try to work together in interdependent situations.

Habit 5 is the first step in the process of win-win.- Now, with all our differences, we're trying to work together -- in a marriage, in a job, in a

community service project -- to manage resources and accomplish results. So how do we do it? How do we transcend the limits of our individual perceptions so that we can deeply communicate, so that we can cooperatively deal with the issues and come up with win-win solutions? The answer is Habit 5.

Then Seek to Be Understood

Knowing how to be understood

- Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood. Knowing how to be understood is the other half of Habit 5. Maturity is the balance between courage and consideration. Seeking to understand requires consideration; seeking to be understood takes courage.

Present your own ideas clearly, specifically, visually and in the context of a deep understanding of the paradigms and concerns of your audience

- You significantly increase the credibility of your ideas.

One on One

Circle of influence- It's the Inside-Out approach. And as you do it, watch what happens to your Circle of

Influence. Because you really listen, you become influenceable. And being influenceable is the key to influencing others. Your circle begins to expand. You increase your ability to influence many of the things in your Circle of Concern.

One on one with your spouse, children and employees- Spend time, listen to them, understand them.

Habit 6: Synergize

Synergy

Habit of synergy- the exercise of all of the other habits prepares us for the habit of synergy.- When properly understood, synergy is the highest activity in all life -- the true test and

manifestation of all the other habits put together. The whole is greater than the sum of its parts- This is what synergy means- Synergy is everywhere in nature. If you plant two plants close together, the roots

commingle and improve the quality of the soil so that both plants will grow better than if they were separated.

- The essence of synergy is to value differences -- to respect them, to build on strengths, to compensate for weaknesses.

Synergistic Communication

Most people have been scripted into defensive or protective communications- Many people have not really experienced even a moderate degree of synergy in their

family life or in other interactions. They've been trained and scripted into defensive and protective communications or into believing that life or other people can't be trusted. As a result, they are never really open to Habit 6 and to these principles.

Synergy in the Classroom

The group collectively agrees to subordinate old scripts and to write a new one- Creative endeavor, producing something new was more meaningful than before.

Synergy in Business

Creative synergy- We gain new insights and facilitate the generation of new options- People became very open to each other’s influence.

Synergy and Communication

Levels of Communication- Lowest level of communication coming out of low trust situations is characterized by defensive, protectiveness and legalistic language and it creates further reasons to defend and protect- The middle level of communication is respectful communication, where fairly mature people communicate, they respect each other but they avoid the possibility of ugly confrontations. Low form of win-win- The highest level of communication is synergistic, high trust produces solutions better than any originally proposed. Win win communication

“If a person of your intelligence and competence and commitment disagrees with me, then there must be something to your disagreement that I don’t understand, and I need to understand it. You have a perspective, a frame of reference I need to look at.”- It is a nonprotective interaction, if there was disagreement, instead of opposition and

defense, there was a genuine effort to understand.

Fishing for the Third Alternative

Synergistic third alternatives- Are often better for both parties than their original alternatives

Instead of transaction, it’s a transformation

Negative Synergy

Most highly dependent people are trying to succeed in an interdependent reality- They're either dependent on borrowing strength from position power and they go for

win-lose or they're dependent on being popular with others and they go for lose-win. They may talk win-win technique, but they don't really want to listen; they want to manipulate. And synergy can't thrive in that environment.

Many people don’t realize that the real strength of any relationship is having alternative points of view- Unity or oneness is complementariness

Valuing the Differences

Is the essence of synergy The truly effective person has the humility and reverence to recognize his own perceptual

limitations and to realize the rich resources available through interaction with the hearts and minds of other people

If two people have the same opinion, one person is unnecessary

Force Field Analysis

Driving forces and restraining forces- Sociologist Kurt Lewin developed a "Force Field Analysis" model in which he

described any current level of performance or being as a state of equilibrium between the driving forces that encourage upward movement and the restraining forces that discourage it.

- Driving forces generally are positive, reasonable, logical, conscious, and economic. In juxtaposition, restraining forces are often negative, emotional, illogical, unconscious, and social/psychological. Both sets of forces are very real and must be taken into account in dealing with change.

All Nature is Synergistic

Ecology- is a word which basically describes the synergism in nature -- everything is related to

everything else. It's in the relationship that creative powers are maximized, just as the real power in these Seven Habits is in their relationship to each other, not just in the individual habits themselves.

It is the crowning achievement of all the previous habits- It is effectiveness in an interdependent reality -- it is teamwork, team building, the

development of unity and creativity with other human beings. You don’t have to take insults personally You can sidestep negative energy You can look for the good in others You can express ideas, feelings, and experiences in a way that will encourage others to be

open also

Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw TM

Principles of Balanced Self-Renewal

Four Dimensions of Renewal

Physical Dimension - Involves caring effectively for our physical body. Exercise is a Quadrant II, high-leverage activity that most of us don't do consistently because it isn't urgent.

Spiritual Dimension - The spiritual dimension is your core, your center, your commitment to your value system. Spiritual renewal is a Quadrant II investment of time that we really can't afford to neglect

Social Dimension - The spiritual dimension is your core, your center, your commitment to your value system. Spiritual renewal is a Quadrant II investment of time that we really can't afford to neglect

Mental Dimension – continuous learning.