7 Secrets for Online Dating Success

7 Secrets for Online Dating Success

Prepare for Online Dating: 7 Tips .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 2

6. Lower Online Dating Expectations .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 12

7. Online Date Fails .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 13

1. Online Dating Profiles: Set Intentions .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3

2. Online Dating: To Upload a Picture or Not? .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5

3. Choosing Online Dating Profile Picture .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6

4. Online Dating Profile: Be Yourself . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8

5. Protect Privacy in Online Dating ... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9

Resources .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15

Prepare for Online Dating: 7 Tips

Prepare for Online Dating: Are You Happy With The Way You Are?

• Areyouusingarecurringstatementtoexplainwhyyou’renot

meetingMr.Right,rightnow?

• Assesshowtruethesereasonsareforyourdatinglife.

• Somepeopleattributequalitiesaboutthemselvesthatmayormay

notbetrue.

• Makethechangebeforeyoujoinanonlinedatingservice.

• It’soktomakethispartofa1-yearplan.

• You’regoingtomeetsomeonewhoyouareideallygoingtospendtherestofyourlifewith.

*Rememberthatyoushouldwanttodothesethingsforyouandonlyyou.

• Areyouwaitingtofixthequalitiesthatyouthinkarekeepingyoufromfindingtheperfectpartner?

• Someexamplesofpotentialstepsforward:

Prepare for Online Dating for Yourself

Weight loss

Weight gain

Therapy

Life coaching

Antidepressants

Electrolysis

Dental Work

Quitting Smoking

Plastic Surgery

BeforeIwentonline,Ihadcosmeticdentalsurgery.WhenImetmen,oneofthefirstthingstheywouldsaytome

was,“Youhaveafabuloussmile.”

IalwayswonderedwhetherIwouldhavebeenaspopularasIwashadmyteethlookedbad.

~ Dr. Dale Koppel, dating coach

2www.IntersectionsMatch.com

1. Online Dating Profiles: Set Intentions

• Anythingyoutypeonasocialsharingplatformisthereforever.

• Online,youarerepresentedinawaywherenoteveryonegetsthefullcontextofyourpersonality.

• Becarefulaboutwhoyou’rebashingandwhateveryou’resaying.

• Yoursenseofhumormaybemisunderstoodbyothers.

• Obscurereferencesorcommentsmayalsobemisunderstood.

Online Dating Profiles = A Résumé?

Youhavetobeveryawarethattheonlinemediumhasitslimitations.

Atthesametime,ithassuchanamazingreach.

Social Media Adds to Online Dating Profiles?

Socialmediaisagreatwayforyoutolookintowhatpeoplereallythink.

Questions to Ask While Observing Social Media Mannerisms:

Do I like the way this person thinks?

Do I like the way they respond?

Are they hot-headed?

Are they dogmatic?

Are they open-minded?

Are they generous?

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Youronlinepresenceisyourresume.

~ Randi Zuckerberg at the the Massachusetts Women’s Conference

SometimesIwillsaysomethingandpeoplegetverybentoutofshape.Theydon’tknowthatI’mjoking.

~ Susan Winter

www.IntersectionsMatch.com

• Womenshouldnotsendinappropriatephotosofthemselves.

• Often,questionslikethese:“Doyouhaveanymorephotosofyouinabathingsuit?”meanthesemen

aretryingtogeta booty call.

• Makeyouronlineprofileveryclear.

• It’sbetternottogetintolongchats.

• Afterwards,it’simportanttomeetrightaway.

• Meetinapublicplace.

• Withgreattraininganddiscipline,you’llstayoncourse.

Online Dating Profiles: Protocol

• Onlinedatingisheretostay.

• Wedosomuchonline,thatonlinedatingmakesplainsense.

• Theinternetgivesyoutheabilitytomeeta wider range of people.

• Theinternetgivesustheabilitytodothereversesearchontelephonenumbers,emailaddresses

andphotos.

Online Dating Profiles: Why Online?

4www.IntersectionsMatch.com

2. Online Dating: To Upload a Picture or Not?

• Uploadingaphoto,youwanttomakeagreatfirstimpression.However...

• Youdonotwanttosetthebarunrealisticallyhigh.

Why Avoid Posting a Picture Online? 3 Factors to Consider

You are a High-Profile Person like some of our clients.

Inthiscaseyouwouldbeabettercandidateforacustomizedsearch-servicelikeoursthan

forbasiconlinedating.

You are less than confident about yourself physically.

Consideraddressingyourinsecurity(suchactionsshouldbeinternallymotivated). See Page 2

You may simply be uncomfortable publishing your personal photo online.

Perhapsyouneedtopushtheboundariesofyourcomfortzone.

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5www.IntersectionsMatch.com

• It’simportanttobeasproactiveaspossibleinthe

relationshiparenaofyourlife.

• Asignificantnumberofmenandwomenwillentirely

disregardonlineprofilespostedwithoutpictures

• Onelimitsoneselfsubstantiallybychoosingnottoposta

pictureonline.

3. Choosing Online Dating Profile Picture

Choosing Online Dating Profile Picture: Does it Look Like You?

Three to five photos is ideal sothatyourpotentialdatecanseeyouindifferentsituations.Howevera

minimum of these twoisamust:

Choosing Online Dating Profile Picture: You Need Two

• Alwaysuserecent,accuratephotos.

• Attemptstomisleadcanbeeasilyexposed.

• IfrecentFacebookphotos,fromabirthdaypartyoranevent,don’tmatchuptoanonlinedatingprofile,

someone can figure you out pretty quickly.

• Blurryphotos,oronesinpoorlightmakeithardtoseedetail.

Nexttonegativity,uploadingthewrongphotoisconsideredoneofthe

biggestonlinedatingmistakesbysomedatingexperts.

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Ithinktheworstthingiswhenyouseesomeonecomingtowardsyouand

youthink,‘ThatbetternotbethepersonIsawinthephotograph.’

~ Dr. Dale Koppel, dating coach

www.IntersectionsMatch.com

Full Body Shot

Nomatterwhatyourbodytypeis,

thisisimportant.

2Headshot

Makesureyourfaceisclearlyvisible.

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Choosing Online Dating Profile Picture: Don’ts

Shots with other people

It’sunclearwhoiswho,andtheirrelation

toeachother.

Far away shots

Whenyou’rehardtosee,yougiveyour

potentialdateverylittleinformation.

ie. You on a distant mountain top

Landscapes

Avoidpostingphotosthatdon’tevenhave

youinthem.

Not being authentic

Noteverybodywantsthesametype.You’re

lookingforapartnerthatreallywantsyou.

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• Noteveryoneisapetlover.Photoswithpetscan be a turn-off.

• Noteveryoneisafanofchildreneither.

• Sometimes it’s better to write about your loves and interests in your profile.

Choosing Online Dating Profile Picture: Children and Pets

7www.IntersectionsMatch.com

4. Online Dating Profile: Be Yourself

• Don’tsay“Ihaveasenseofhumor”,

• Saysomethingfunnythatrepresentsyourstyle.

• Thenyou’llknow,thatatleastinthoseterms,ifyouarecompatible.

Online Dating Profile: Use Your Own Humor

• Describewhatyou’relookingforinapartnerasopposedtodescribingwhoyouthinkyouare.

• Ifyousay,“I’mlookingforamanwholikestoski,”theassumptionisthatyouliketoski.

Online Dating Profile: Don’t Exaggerate• It’salwaysbettertonamewhatyouwantfromtheotherperson.

• What not to do:somewomenwillsaythattheyliketogolfwhentheyreallyjustwantacountryclubguy.

• Men might say “Idoyoga”becauseitlooksadmirable.

• It’sbettertosay“I’mlookingforamanwhobelongstoacountryclub.”or“...womanwhodoesyoga.”

Online Dating Profile: Make It About Them

Online Dating Profile: Be Upfront• Sayitevenifitmayhaveanegativeconnotation,suchas,womenwholookformenincountryclubs

mightbeassumedtobegolddiggers.

• It’s best to get it all on the table early.

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When[myMr.Right]readmyprofile,inhisfirstemail,hesaidthatitwasoneofthebestprofileshe’dread.It

wasbecauseIsaidwhoIwaslookingforinaman.

~ Dr. Dale Koppel, dating coach

www.IntersectionsMatch.com

5. Protect Privacy in Online Dating

Protect Privacy in Online Dating: Ration Information

• Explaintoyourdatesthatyouration your information.

• Keepinmindthatbecauseoftheinternet,muchofyour

personalinformationisalreadyaGooglesearchaway.

• Preserve whatever privacy you can.

• It’sbettertowalkawayfromabadmatchwhentheyknowas

littleaboutyouaspossible.

• Sincewomenaremorevulnerableit’sbettertoopen up only after a man reveals his details.

• Thoseare:whoheis,whathedoesandwhereheworks.

• Youshouldn’thavetotellamanaboutalong,drawn-outdivorce,forexample.

• Detailswillcomeoutlater,ifnecessary.

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Protect Privacy in Online Dating: Real Life Story

Theymightask,“Whatdidyouwrite.”Iwillsay,“I’lltellyouaboutitifImeetyou.”

Idon’twantamanGooglingme,andcomingtotheirownconclusionsofwhoIamwithoutevenhavinga

chancetomeetmeinreallife.

- Julie Spira, Cyber Dating Expert and Matchmaker

• Phoneoremailarenottheplacestogiveoutinformation.

• There should be very few email and phone interactions before you actually meet.

• Twoemailsandaphonecallareoftenenoughtoscheduleadate.

• It’sOKtobelieveinfirstimpressions.

Protect Privacy in Online Dating: Email Is Not the Medium to Share

www.IntersectionsMatch.com

Protect Privacy in Online Dating: Things to Consider on a Date

Protect Privacy in Online Dating: Use the Phone Test

• Oncetheypasstheemailtest(theyseemliterateandinteresting),scheduleaphonecall.

• Youcangaugemuchfromthatconversation.

• Ifyou’returnedoffonthephone, it’s ok to turn them away.

• Ifthereisdeadairorpullingteeth,itwilllikelynotworkout.

• Ifthat’sthecase,don’tsurrenderanymoreprivacybymeetinginperson.

Protect Privacy in Online Dating: Safe Phone Protocol

• Don’tgiveoutahomenumber:itcanbetracedtoanaddress.

• Youshouldhaveadateonthecalendarafter one or two phone calls.

• Theonlinepartofonline datingisonlyatool.Useittomeetsomeoneinreallifequickly.

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Protect Privacy in Online Dating: Is He/She a Phone Pal?

• Ifamanrefusestoscheduleadate,orcancelsonyoumorethantwice,somethingis likely going on.

• Iftheyonlywanttomakeplansduringweekdaysandnevertheweekend,thisisanotherwarningsign.

• It’slikelytomeanthereissomeoneelseintheirlives.

www.IntersectionsMatch.com

If you see potential: laymoreon

thetable.

If you know you won’t be seeing

your date again: letthemdomostof

thetalking.

• Meetinapublicplace.

• Tellafriendwhereyou’regoing,whoyou’regoingwithandasmuchasyouknowabouttheperson.

• Takearestroombreakandbringyourcellphonewithyou.

• Checkinwithafriendandsay,“Mydateisgoingreallywell.I’mhavinganicetime.”

• Or“It’snotgoingsowell.IthinkI’mgoingtoleave.”

• If you ever feel uncomfortable on a date, leave.

• Youowethemnothing.

Protect Privacy in Online Dating: Meeting Safely

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Iusedtosay,“They’reprobablyonhousearrest.”or“Theycouldbemarried.”Alltheywantedtodowasbea

phonepal.

- Julie Spira, Cyber Dating Expert and Matchmaker

www.IntersectionsMatch.com

6. Lower Online Dating Expectations

• It’slikelythatoutofevery10peopleyouemail,onlyonewillturn

intoadate.

• It’s Not You.

• Werecommendsendingout10emailsandforgettingaboutit.

Lower Online Dating Expectations: One Out of Ten

• Anotheronein10rule:Only about one out of ten first dates will turn into a second date.

• Don’tgetdiscouragedwithlowoutcomes.

• Thechancesthatyou’llreallyhititoffwithsomeoneareaboutoneinahundred.

• It’simportanttorememberthatyou won’t be an ideal match for everyone.

• Keepyourexpectationsrealistictoavoidfeelingdemoralized.

Lower Online Dating Expectations: Keep Hopes Realistic

Lower Online Dating Expectations: Dating is Unpredictable

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• Read The Tipping Point by Malcom Gladwell.

• Havealotofballsinthehopper.

• Ifonedatedoesn’tpanout,youcansay“That’s fine, I have another date set up for next week.”

• Youshouldbespendingatleast60minutesadayonsearching.

• Trytohaveatleastonedateaweek.

• If15hoursaweekisstillnotworkingfor,youmayneedtocontact a professional coach.

www.IntersectionsMatch.com

JulieSpiraandDr.DaleKoppelsharesomethefunniest,andstrangestonlinedatingstoriesfromtheirbooks.

Hewasshowingeverybodypicturesofthedeadwife.Thenhisvoicegotlouderandlouder.Hekept

repeatingit.

I looked at him and said, “I am so sorry for your loss,” and I left.Itwasquiteascene.Itwasdefinitelyone

ofthestrangerdatesI’vebeenon.

Online Date Fails: What Do You Do Next?

7. Online Date Fails7. Online Date Fails

OneofthestrangestdatesIhadveryearlyonwasamanwho

wentberserkintherestaurantbecauseI looked like his dead wife.

Itwasaverysadstory.

Hedidhaveawifewhowasaskinnierversionofmewhohad

passedawayayearortwoearlier.

Outofnowhere,somethingsethimoffinthemiddleofthe

restaurant.He stood up and said, “She looks like my dead wife,”

topeopleintherestaurant.

Online Date Fails: Dead Wife Look Alike ~ Julie Spira

Oneofmyfavoritestoriesisaboutoneofmyfirstdates.

Thismanaskedmeoutfordinner.Ilearnedquicklythatit’sprobablybettertojustgoforcoffeeandhavethe

requisitehourandnothavetositthroughmuchlonger.

WhenIgottotherestaurant,hewasalreadyseated. He didn’t stand up when I got to the table.Ithought,

“That’ssoold-fashioned.Hedoesn’thavetodothat.”

Wehadanokaydinner.IknewthatIwasn’tthatinterestedinhimandwouldn’tseehimagain.

Online Date Fails: Shorty ~ Dr Dale Koppel

13www.IntersectionsMatch.com

Whenitwastimetoleaveandwebothhadtostandup,ashestoodup,hethrewhisarmsupinthat

“victory”sign.

I thought, “Oh my goodness.” With his arms up, he was 5’10”, as he said he was. If he put his arms down,

he was probably about 5’4”.

Thatwasmyfirstindicationthatmentypicallylieabouttheirheight.Visually,itwasafunnythingforme.He

wasaveryshortguy.Ihadnoideahewassoshort.He had his arms up to give the illusion that he was taller.

ThebeststoryIeverheardwasofawomanwhowentoutwiththismanwhoshemetonline.Hegotarrested.

Therewasawarrantoutforhisarrest.Somebodycameupandarrestedhimrightinthemiddleofthedate.

Online Date Fails: Truth Revealed

Online Date Fails: The Recovery

Yes,Ihadthatstoryonmysite,too.Itwasunderthe“periloftheweek.”

Therewasawomanwhowasonadateandthemangotarrestedandbroughttojail.Theycalledheraskingher

tobailhimout.

Online Date Fails: Bailing Out on Dinner ~ Julie Spira

14www.IntersectionsMatch.com

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PrepareforOnlineDating:Tips

OnlineDatingProfiles:SetIntentions

ChoosingOnlineDatingProfilePicture

OnlineDatingProfile:BeYourself

ProtectPrivacyinOnlineDating

OnlineDateFails

LowerOnlineDatingExpectationsOnlineDating:ToUploadaPictureorNot?

SpecialthankstoNancySlotnick,SusanWinter,JulieSpiraandDr.DaleKoppelfortheircontributionstothisguide.

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