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8.2
4 Goals of Misbehavior
ATTENTION
Need: Connect Child thinks: I only count when I’m noticed.
Parent Feels: Irritated & Annoyed
Encourage: Replace negative attention with positive attention. Plan activities together. Don’t ignore child; ignore unwanted behavior.
Child feels: I belong.
POWER
Need: Capable Child thinks: my strength is in showing you that you can’t make me.
Parent Feels: Angry & Challenged
Encourage: Give choices so child can display power constructively. Maintain a friendly attitude.
Child feels: I can do it.
REVENGE
Need: Count Child thinks: I knew you were against me. I’ll show you how it feels.
Parent Feels: Hurt & Wants to punish
Encourage: Maintain appreciation in relationship. Offer chances to help. Seek support and help in identifying positives. Don’t give up.
Child feels: I matter. I can make a difference
GIVING UP
Need: Courage Child thinks: I can’t do anything right, so I won’t try.
Parent Feels: Despair & Hopelessness
Encourage: Notice strengths and ignore the negative. Set up steady exposure to manageable tasks that have a likelihood of success. Avoid criticism.
Child feels: I can handle what comes.