A Discussion On BullyingPresented By Cathal Walsh & Nick Dougherty

Champions Way – August 6th 2012

Background & Context

Schools are microcosms of society.Schools are microcosms of society. Historic climate of tolerance. There is a slow Historic climate of tolerance. There is a slow

changing of the guard.changing of the guard. Today’s schools are in a state of flux . Shift Today’s schools are in a state of flux . Shift

towards “personalized learning.”towards “personalized learning.” No clear direction on dealing with bullying.No clear direction on dealing with bullying. Policy rich but action poor.Policy rich but action poor. Popular media feel good blitz – no substance.Popular media feel good blitz – no substance. Martial arts schools focus has been on children.Martial arts schools focus has been on children.

A Discussion On BullyingPresented To School XYZ PTA, October 3, 2012

The Bullying Equation

A desire to hurt + Hurtful action+ Power imbalance+ Repetition (typically) + An unjust use of power + Evident enjoyment by the aggressor + Sense of being oppressed on the part of the victim = Bullying

Facts About Bullying…

About 10 percent to 15 percent of children say they About 10 percent to 15 percent of children say they are regularly bullied. are regularly bullied.

Bullying takes place most frequently in school. Bullying takes place most frequently in school. At school, bullying occurs most often where there is At school, bullying occurs most often where there is

little or no adult supervision--on the playground, in little or no adult supervision--on the playground, in the hallways and cafeteria, and in the classroom the hallways and cafeteria, and in the classroom before lessons begin. before lessons begin.

Most bullying is verbal rather than physical. Most bullying is verbal rather than physical. Bullying begins in elementary school, peaks in Bullying begins in elementary school, peaks in

middle school, and falls off in high school. It does middle school, and falls off in high school. It does not, however, disappear altogether. not, however, disappear altogether.

Facts About Bullying…

Boys bully both boys and girls. Girls tend to Boys bully both boys and girls. Girls tend to bully girls. bully girls.

Although boys are more often the Although boys are more often the perpetrators and victims of bullying, girls perpetrators and victims of bullying, girls tend to bully in more indirect ways, tend to bully in more indirect ways, manipulating friendships, ostracizing manipulating friendships, ostracizing classmates, and spreading malicious rumors. classmates, and spreading malicious rumors.

Both bullies and onlookers tend to blame the Both bullies and onlookers tend to blame the victims for the treatment they receive. victims for the treatment they receive.

Facts About Bullying…

Although most victims don't look very Although most victims don't look very different from their classmates, they are different from their classmates, they are taunted most often because of their physical taunted most often because of their physical appearance. appearance.

Boys who are chronically victimized tend to Boys who are chronically victimized tend to be more passive and physically weaker than be more passive and physically weaker than their tormentors.  their tormentors. 

In middle school, girls who mature early are In middle school, girls who mature early are commonly victims of harassment. commonly victims of harassment.

Symptoms Of Being Bullied

Damage or loss of clothes and possessionsDamage or loss of clothes and possessions School avoidanceSchool avoidance Changes in speech and/or sleeping patternsChanges in speech and/or sleeping patterns Changes in dietChanges in diet Changes in academic performanceChanges in academic performance SecretivenessSecretiveness UncommunicativenessUncommunicativeness Bed wettingBed wetting Ask for money or begin to steal money Ask for money or begin to steal money Bully younger brothers/sisters Bully younger brothers/sisters

What Makes A Bully?

Violent arguments between parents Violent arguments between parents Parents getting divorced Parents getting divorced Death of a relative or someone close to them Death of a relative or someone close to them Neglect or abuse at home Neglect or abuse at home Being bullied by a brother or sister Being bullied by a brother or sister Being bullied by other children Being bullied by other children Watching disturbing films/programmes on TV or Watching disturbing films/programmes on TV or

video (meant for adult viewing)video (meant for adult viewing)

What Makes A Bully?

An inability to make friends or maintain An inability to make friends or maintain friendships friendships

Being used to getting their own way at home, but Being used to getting their own way at home, but not at school not at school

Schoolwork is not challenging them enough Schoolwork is not challenging them enough They are behind with their schoolwork They are behind with their schoolwork They have friends who are part of a bullying gang They have friends who are part of a bullying gang

and don’t want to be bullied themselves and don’t want to be bullied themselves

If Your Child Is Being Bullied…Stage 1 – First DisclosureStage 1 – First Disclosure Remain calm.Remain calm. Encourage your child to talk about what is happening.Encourage your child to talk about what is happening. Be there for your child. Listen to them.Be there for your child. Listen to them. Take the bullying seriously.Take the bullying seriously. Reassure them that it’s not their fault and that you love Reassure them that it’s not their fault and that you love

them.them. Don’t blame (either yourself or your child). It’s Don’t blame (either yourself or your child). It’s

happened, now’s the time to deal with solving the happened, now’s the time to deal with solving the situation positively.situation positively.

If Your Child Is Being Bullied…Stage 2 – Taking ActionStage 2 – Taking Action Contact the School as soon as you become aware Contact the School as soon as you become aware

of the problem.of the problem. Arrange to see their Teacher(s) and Principal.Arrange to see their Teacher(s) and Principal. Support your child to keep a ‘Diary’ with details Support your child to keep a ‘Diary’ with details

of incidents. This should include the date, time, of incidents. This should include the date, time, place, who, what happened, any witnesses and place, who, what happened, any witnesses and how he/she feels as a result of the incident.how he/she feels as a result of the incident.

Although you may feel angry and/or upset, try to Although you may feel angry and/or upset, try to work with the School to resolve the problem. work with the School to resolve the problem. Remember: Your first concern is to ensure that Remember: Your first concern is to ensure that your child is happy and safe at School.your child is happy and safe at School.

If Your Child Is Being Bullied…

Stage 3 – Future PreventionStage 3 – Future Prevention Educate yourself and your child about Educate yourself and your child about

bullying.bullying. Work to strengthen communication with Work to strengthen communication with

your child and their school.your child and their school. Work to build (re-build) your child’s Work to build (re-build) your child’s

confidence.confidence.

If Your Child Is A Bully…Stage 1 – First DisclosureStage 1 – First Disclosure Remain calm Remain calm Don’t condemn your child, but try to Don’t condemn your child, but try to

quietly find out what is happening, and why quietly find out what is happening, and why (see below) (see below)

Condemn your child’s bullying behaviour, Condemn your child’s bullying behaviour, but avoid labelling your child a ‘bully’ but avoid labelling your child a ‘bully’

Ask your child if they understand the harm Ask your child if they understand the harm they may be causing, including any possible they may be causing, including any possible consequences to themselves. consequences to themselves.

If Your Child Is A Bully…Stage 2 – Taking ActionStage 2 – Taking Action Talk to their friends, teachers and anyone else who Talk to their friends, teachers and anyone else who

may be able to give you more information may be able to give you more information Seek help and support to resolve any underlying Seek help and support to resolve any underlying

issue(s) issue(s) Co-operate with the school about their behaviour. Co-operate with the school about their behaviour.

Arrange for regular reports to update you on your Arrange for regular reports to update you on your child’s progress. child’s progress.

Ensure that your child apologizes to everyone who Ensure that your child apologizes to everyone who was affected by their behaviour was affected by their behaviour

If Your Child Is A Bully…

Stage 3 – Future PreventionStage 3 – Future Prevention Set positive goals for your child.Set positive goals for your child. Praise them when they achieve their goals.Praise them when they achieve their goals. Reward them for positive behaviour.Reward them for positive behaviour.

Resources

www.bullyfreezone.co.uk/www.bullyfreezone.co.uk/ www.bullyonline.orgwww.bullyonline.org www.keystosaferschools.com www.keystosaferschools.com www.SHAKU.ca www.SHAKU.ca Parents Do Make A Difference, Borga Michelle D. Parents Do Make A Difference, Borga Michelle D.

Ed (Jossey-Bass Publishers, 1999)Ed (Jossey-Bass Publishers, 1999) Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander, Colorosa, Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander, Colorosa,

Barbara (HarperCollins, 2003)Barbara (HarperCollins, 2003)

For More Information

Cathal Walsh, M. EdCathal Walsh, M. Ed

SHAKU Family Martial ArtsSHAKU Family Martial Arts

Ladysmith & Nanaimo BCLadysmith & Nanaimo BC

1.888.742.58101.888.742.5810

SifuCathal@SHAKU.ca SifuCathal@SHAKU.ca