By: Atika Zamimi.

I would like to thank my civics teacher, Mrs. Azizul for giving me the opportunity to

produce a folio about a Malay Wedding and helped me along the lines to finish it with her

hard work and patience. Second, I would like to thank my parents, Mr. Zamimi and Mrs.

Norita for providing me as much information about Malay Weddings as they could and

allowing me to use the computer and internet for my research. And of course, to my fellow

peers at school who have helped me so much in explaining the ‘what’ and ‘how’ during the

period of making this folio. Finally, I would like to thank those who have been helping me

behind the scenes such as local wedding planners, my other family members and also a few

magazine editors for giving me as much knowledge as possible. A big clap for all of you who

helped, you deserved it.

The objectives in creating this folio are:

. Explain the concept of a Malay Wedding.

. Describe the events in a Malay Wedding.

. Identify the customs in a Malay Wedding.

. List down the taboos stuffs in a Malay Wedding.

In the process of making this folio, I have used a few methods such as:

. The internet: I have made use of the asset of the World Wide Web to help me

discover more details about my research.

. Human resources: I have asked family members, neighbors and also a few friends

about attending and/or carrying out their duties during Malay Weddings to provide me

personal experiences.

. Observation: I have attended a few weddings for the past months and also lend a

hand in my uncle’s wedding a few months ago so I could have my own experience in

handling a wedding.

“THE START OF A LIFETIME, TOGETHER”

Ah~ A wedding. A glorious day full of joy, happiness and understanding. A beautiful day

where two people who are in love are finally united in a sacred bond. Such a historical event

that I’m sure every couple will find it hard to forget. A wedding basically indicates unity

between two people in marriage and is known as a common ceremony throughout the

world, literally. In this case, weddings differ greatly between cultures, ethnic groups, religions,

countries, and social classes but the definition on a wedding stays the same. Every culture has their

own wedding ceremony in different ways. And saying so, I will be telling the story of the traditional

MALAY WEDDING which is rich with cultural customs and interesting events which happen

before, during and after the wedding through the eyes of the old and the new generation.

. The definition of a Malay Wedding.

A Malay wedding is usually performed when either one or both spouses are Malay. Malaysian law

defines a Malay person as a Muslim (Though not all Malays are Muslim). Malay weddings are grand

affairs where the couple is treated as royalty for the day where they are known as “Raja Sehari”,

meaning “King of the Day”. The traditional wedding ceremony is divided into two parts. The first part

is the akad nikah (marriage contract), which is the legal and religious part of the wedding. The

second part is the bersanding (enthronement), which is a family celebration. It is usual for the two

parts to be celebrated over two days. However, it is becoming common for there to be a gap

between the parts of the wedding, during which the couple are legally married, but saving up for an

elaborate bersanding and at times there will be couples who will held both the parts a day after

which starts with the akad nikah. In cases where the couple has family spread around the world, a

number of bersanding may be held in different countries to allow everyone to wish the couple well

as well as getting to reunite with old and new relatives. A few events are held before the wedding

takes place to make sure the couple will be comfortable and look beautiful for the ceremony itself

and they are either traditional customs or taboos that have been handed down by their ancestors

(some are true and some are superstitions).

. The events in a Malay Wedding;

Adat Merisik

The adat merisik (asking ceremony or more literally 'spying custom') is the traditional Malay

system for arranging marriages. In the old days, when it is time for a young man to get

married, his family will look around to identify a number of potential brides and he is then

told to consider each and every women and pick his choice to be his bride. Nowadays, the

man might suggest to his family who he would like them to consider, and it may be that a

romantic link already exists between the man and woman. Having decided upon one

particular woman, the merisik, or “investigation process”, takes place.

For this ceremony one or more representatives (wakil) of the man's family (usually the

parents) pay a friendly visit to the family of the woman whom he has in mind as his potential

bride. The visit is purely for the purpose of further investigation, and it gives the visitors the

chance to see the woman. A hint will be given to her parents regarding the purpose of the

visit, and their reaction will be assessed. The woman's parents may also give the visitors

some idea as to whether or not their daughter would be interested in the match. The merisik

does not constitute a formal proposal. Following the visit both sides can begin to think more

seriously about the possibility or otherwise of a marriage. It is possible that no progress may

take place, but nowadays the merisik is done after both parties have known the relationship of

the couple and so is usually accepted.

Adat Bertunang

As soon as a man announces his wish to marry, an engagement date will be set when

families of the couple meet to discuss the wedding plans. The adat bertunang (engagement

custom) is normally held at the bride's home. This is when the man’s side of the family visits

the woman’s side of the family and both parties provide gifts or the hantaran. These could

be things such as a set of clothes, shoes, fruits, handbags, prayer mats (sejadah) and the

Qur’an. On this day the date for the wedding ceremony (akad nikah) and the various other

conditions and requirements will be also confirmed by both parties. Once all such matters

have been resolved, the bridegroom’s representatives will hand over all the gifts (hantaran)

items. But the most important item in a tunang ceremony is a ring from the man’s side of

the family. During the ceremony, the ring will be placed upon the future bride’s finger by a

female relative of the man’s family such as the mother, elder sister or aunt. The future bride

will all this while be in her chamber, by tradition. The wearing of the ring represents the

status of the woman as “future wife” or simply “not available” to other men other than her

future husband. After everything is done, the man’s side of the family will leave the house

and the wedding preparation will start.

Akad Nikah

A Malay wedding begins with the akad nikah (marriage contract) ceremony. The groom signs

the marriage contract and agrees to provide the bride with a mas kahwin (mahar, literally

'marriage gold' in form of money or goods or anything as requested by the bride). It is

opposite to dowry where the mas kahwin is paid by the groom to the bride. The mas kahwin

is a symbol to show that the men is willing and are prepared to build a family with the lady he

chose to get married to. The contract signing is done before a religious official and is

accompanied by prayer. The Akad Nikah is the actual religious solemnisation of the

marriage. While all the other ceremonies performed in a Malay wedding before the Akad

Nikah and after it may be considered as derived from the traditional culture of the Malays,

and may even be omitted, the Akad Nikah is an Islamic ceremony which without no

marriage is valid. Consent of both the bride and the bridegroom must be obtained, and the

religious official (usually a kadhi) conducting the marriage must make sure the marriage is

entered into willingly by both the parties. At times the marriage solemnization is in fact

done by the girl’s father in the presence of religious officials. In a brief sermon given by the

officials, the bridegroom and the bride will receive a briefing on their rights and

responsibilities as a married couple, particularly from the Islamic perspective. There must be

two official witnesses at the Akad Nikah. A marriage certificate will be issued by the kadhi or

State Religious Council representatives following the ceremony, and this is to be signed by

the bridegroom, the bride as well as the witnesses.

Preparation night

If the bersanding is to take place the next day, the couple's hands are dyed with henna

during the berinai besar (great henna-ing) ceremony. The ceremony of Berinai involves the

staining of the couple’s hands with henna. Lesser or greater berinai ceremonies are held

three times. The first is the Berinai Curi takes place three nights before the akad nikah with

the participation of close relatives and friends only. The second is the Berinai Kecil. Takes

place two nights before the wedding ceremony with the participation of family members,

neighbours and close friends. And lastly the Berinai Besar is usually held after the

completion of the akad nikah. Of the three ceremonies, the berinai besar is the major one.

The lesser ones may take place in private, usually with the participation of women only. For

the berinai besar the newly married couple sit on the specially decorated dais (pelamin).

Family members from both sides take turns to apply henna to the hands of the seated

couple. Rice and a mixture of flour may also be applied to the palms and foreheads of the

couple, as a sign of blessing. The Adat Berinai is intended to cleanse both the young person’s

now married to each other. Henna is regarded as a blessed item, that is, it is used as a

means of cleansing and protection from evil or malicious influences.

Bersanding

The actual wedding day is the Bersanding. This literally means the "sitting together of the

bride and bridegroom on the bridal couch". Known as the Pelamin, this couch is the

centrepiece of the whole ceremony, and two pelamins are required - one in the bride's

house and the other in the bridegroom's.

Before the bersanding, the bride's hair is trimmed, eyebrows shaped and make-up applied by

a beautician, known as the “mak andam”. Then the bride puts on her tudung (hijab or

headscarf) to cover their hair and a selendang, or embroidered and beaded shawl over that. A

crown is also placed on top of the shawl to make her look beautiful. As the Bersanding

ceremony customarily takes place in the afternoon, the bridegroom entertains guests at his

own house in the morning. The bersanding (enthronement) ceremony begins with the

groom's procession with friends, relatives, musicians and people waving bunga manggar

(palm blossom) to meet the bride. Often various good-humoured attempts are made to

waylay or stop the groom from getting to the bride. The main part of the bersanding

involves the seating of the bridal couple on a dais and sprinkling them with yellow rice and

scented water (air mawar which is rose water) by family members, relatives and guests as a

sign of blessing. Each guest will receive a bunga telur (literally translated as “egg flower”), a

decorated egg with a fabric flower, as a sign of fertility. The couple are considered royalty

for the day, and so various royal customs are performed for them, including musicians

playing court music and 'bodyguards' performing a display of Silat (traditional Malay martial

arts).

After the bersanding ceremony

After the bersanding ceremony, the wedded couple and their guests attend a celebratory

feast called the makan beradab (formal meal). This involves the bride and groom feeding

each other sweetened rice. The guests are also provided with food and everyone eats under

the same canopy with the bride and groom. The celebrations are concluded by posing for

family photographs with the wedded couple and in the end, everyone retires to their home.

This event provides the opportunity to strengthen the unity between the two sides of the

family together, giving them a chance to know each other.

. The taboos stuffs and customs in a Malay Wedding.

In most Malay Weddings, a few taboos and customs are carried before, during and also

after the wedding. Here are a few listed down:

1. The couple must not go out with each other for 40 days before the wedding

2. The couple must not sleep in each other’s homes to avoid accusations from the society.

3. The couple is not advised to pleasure themselves in their own way.

5. They must avoid eating raw vegetables.

7. Learn the ‘art’ of household from married relatives.

8. Avoid bathing with cold water at night.

9. Either couple must avoid walking around in a silent place alone.

10. The couple must not meet up personally with other men/women.

11. Read the verses from the Qur’an every night.

12. Throw his/her old clothes (only one) up onto the roof of the house to prevent it from

raining on the day of the bersanding.

Most of the prohibitions and customs are made years ago to make sure that the couple

and/or the relatives are safe and everything goes smoothly during a wedding. It also helps

the to-be-wed couple to face their household life in the future. Though one must not take

them very seriously, customs and taboos are only according to the old Malay society that

may be practiced or not.

From this research I have learned to appreciate the unique culture of the Malay

Wedding. I have explored the insides and outs in the stages of preparing a wedding from

the quiet and secretive merisik to the glorious bersanding. These have proved to increase

my knowledge in handling the places, people and overall presentation in a Malay Wedding.

It has taught me the courtesy of the Malay community and also their cooperation in making

this historical day happens. Indeed, this is a day one must not miss to turn up in.

Note: All pictures in this segment are taken, owned and distributed by myself, Atika Zamimi,

and may not be copied or printed in any way without my permission, thank you. These

photos are taken during my uncle’s wedding on 2011/06/03.

(Money)

(Handbag)

(Chocolates)

(Fruits)

1) INTERNET:

http://intim.wordpress.com/2007/06/13/44-pantang-larang-bakal-

pengantin/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Malay_wedding

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wedding

2) PEOPLE:

Norita Harun, 39. 160, Jalan Jasa 8, Taman Jasa, 68100, Batu Caves, Selangor.

Norazlan Harun, 26. 124, Jalan Setia, Gombak Setia, 68100, Gombak,

Selangor.

3) MAGAZINE:

Mingguan Wanita, 5-11 Ogos 2011, Kumpulan Karangkraf.

Wanita - Edisi Khas Perkahwinan.

4) EXPERIENCE:

Attended Norazlan Harun’s wedding which took place at 2011/06/03.

1) Title

2) Contents

3) Acknowledgements

4) Objectives

5) Methods

6) Research findings

The Definition of a Malay Wedding

The events in a Malay Wedding

The taboos and customs in a Malay Wedding.

7) Summary

8) Attachments

9) References

10) Last words

To end this folio, I would like to give a big thank you, again, towards those who have given

tremendous help in the collaboration of this masterpiece. I hope that the readers would

enjoy the contents of this folio and gain knowledge of the cultures in one of Malaysia’s most

celebrated events. I would like to say though, that there may be some mixed up information

in these words of mine and for that I extend my apologies if I have offended or slighted any

parties in the lines of my discovery. I am but a learning child. This folio is purely made to

extend knowledge and experiences and is not meant to be a joke. But as I said earlier, one

may not follow all these steps exactly as written. Now, I shall thank you, the reader, for

lending me your eyes and time to take a peek into my writings. Bless you all.