A Palette of my Inner Universe

Independent Project, Degree Project, 30 HEC, Master of Fine Arts in Music, Improvisation VT 2021

ACADEMY OF MUSIC AND DRAMA

A Palette of my Inner Universe – to use synesthesia in artistic processes

Maria Palmqvist

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Degree Project, 30 higher education credits Master of Fine Arts in Music, Improvisation Academy of Music and Drama, University of Gothenburg VT 2021 Author: Maria Palmqvist Title: A Palette of my Inner Universe – To Use Synesthesia in Artistic Processes Supervisor: Phd. Professor Per Anders Nilsson Examiner: Joel Speerstra Key words: Synesthesia, musical processes, artistic processes, improvisation, composition, lyrics, graphic scores, intuition, creativity, inspiration, water colour, visual music

ABSTRACT

In this thesis, the author investigates how the active use of synesthesia can be a tool for

artistic work and creative processes, with the aim of finding new creative paths and to find a

deeper understanding for inner synesthetic patterns. A method is created by using elements

from the author’s synesthesia. The method is used on three experiments regarding lyrics,

improvisations and graphic scores together with one final experiment that also encompasses

composition. In the final experiment, the elements are used as a source of inspiration rather

than definite directives with the intention to reach a more organic form of creating, closer to

the author’s regular artistic process. This becomes a method of its own, called the synesthetic

method. By adding painting throughout the investigation, the author aims to make something

as abstract and subjective as synesthesia more visual and tangible, with the belief that it will

help visualize and clarify, both for themselves and others, inner processes of inspiration.

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Table of Contents

1. Introduction..........................................................................................................................5

1.1 Background.....................................................................................................................5

1.1.2 Intuitive method...........................................................................................................7

2. Purpose and aim of the project..........................................................................................11

2.1 Question.........................................................................................................................11

3. Context.................................................................................................................................12

3.1 What is synesthesia? .....................................................................................................12

3.2 Short about visual music................................................................................................13

4. Method.................................................................................................................................15

4.1 Rule-based method.........................................................................................................15

4.2 Material..........................................................................................................................17

5. Investigation........................................................................................................................18

6. Lyrics experiment...............................................................................................................18

6.1 Plan and execution.........................................................................................................18

6.2 Result and analysis.........................................................................................................21

6.3 Reflection.......................................................................................................................22

7. Improvisation experiment..................................................................................................23



7.3 Reflection.......................................................................................................................24

8. Graphic Score experiment..................................................................................................24



8.3 Reflection.......................................................................................................................27

9. Balance Experiment............................................................................................................29

9.1 Plan and execution........................................................................................................ 30


9.3 Reflection.......................................................................................................................40

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10. Final Discussion.................................................................................................................42

11. Conclusion..........................................................................................................................47

12. Further investigation........................................................................................................47

Attached Audio Files

References

Appendix

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1. Introduction

My perception of my artistic work is that of a universe. It is almost a place of its own.

Although abstract and intangible in the sense that it neither can be touched nor seen by others,

to me, it holds the most real, natural and palpable existence. It is a universal version of me as

a person that encompasses my thoughts, feelings, colours, shapes, words and all senses

interlocked. This thesis is a journey of exploring that inner universe.

1.1 Background

I am a singer and in my Bachelor essay, connections between my lyrics and my music were

investigated, with the attempt to find links and contexts of where and why they possibly

intertwined. That essay unveiled my synesthesia and showed how it was a natural part of my

creative processes. Synesthesia, was in my mind, something exclusively connected to perfect

pitch – which it also is for some people, but not for me. Therefore, the fact that music had

always consisted of colours and abstract shapes, or that the letters of the alphabet always had

consisted of specific colours, was never reflected upon. Thus, it was not until that

investigation that it came to my attention that those examples were typical traits of

synesthesia.

Synesthesia is a perceptual neurological trait where two or more senses are connected. It can

mean that the letters of the alphabet have colours or that a person experiences certain tastes

when hearing words. There are different variations of synesthesia and one person may

experience several of those variations.

My synesthesia is connected to letters, words, days of the week, months, feelings, sounds,

music and sometimes people. One discovery that was made when working with this thesis,

was that sometimes touch and smells also have colours and textures. Music visualizes itself as

shapes, forms, textures and colours but specific notes do not have specific colours or specific

shapes. When hearing music, it is like watching a painting being made on a screen in my head

where the different sounds or instruments move around in shapes and colours. When writing a

song, one or more colours and nuances take shape as the creative process moves along, and

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when the song is finished the colour/colours have “set” in one or more specific colours. That

can later change, depending on arrangement and instrumentation. Theoretically, I cannot hear

what notes that are being played, but thinking of the notes in a C-major scale and when

looking at a piano, the notes or the keys all have a colour, the same colour of the letter they

also represent. Throughout the work of this thesis, more and more traits of my synesthesia has

been revealed. Most likely, this is the result of the great deal of attention my synesthesia has

been given these past years, working on this thesis. The Oxford Handbook of Synesthesia,

describes the sudden discovery of a synesthetic perception.

I was not fully aware of my “flavor to visual/spatial” and “odor to visual/spatial”

synesthesia until age 21, when the flavor-based synesthesia was brought sharply to my

attention as I sipped an extremely strong brew of espresso coffee and synesthetically

saw before me a large pool of oily dark green liquid.1

It is quite common for synesthetes to be unaware of them having the trait, due to lack of

reflection upon their inward reality. Personally, it was such a natural part of my perception of

the world that questioning it did not come to mind until actively researching the inner

structures of creating music.

My approach to creating music is one that I would describe as “intuitive”. The opposite of

that could be called “rule-based”. These are terms used throughout the essay. The word

“intuitive” is multifaceted and its meaning subjective. In my mind, by creating intuitively one

creates from internal structures that are intangible and open for interpretation. The word has

connotations to spirit, emotion, inspiration and inner forces that are elusive and abstract.

Another word for “rule-based” could be theoretical, systematic or structural. To have a rule

based approach could mean to use music theory as an integrated part of one’s compositions.

My relationship to music theory has always been one of difficulty. My knowledge covers the

basics but even that has been hard to attain and it has been a struggle to grasp the structures.

1 Sean A. Day, “Synesthesia: A First Person Perspective,” in Oxford Handbook of Synesthesia, ed. Julia Simner et Edward Hubbard (Oxford University Press, 2013), 11–12.

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When talking about music theory, there is of course an abundance of different kinds of

theories, depending on which culture, tradition and school one is alluding to. In this context,

“music theory” refers to traditional Western music theory and more specifically the theory of

harmonic analysis and function analysis. When put in front of compositional assignments

using different techniques, it has been more of a hindrance to my creative abilities rather than

an aid.

However, using different tools to get one’s mind to work in new ways, to see new patterns

and develop one’s musical language, interests me. When feeling empty and low on inspiration

and nonetheless having to meet a deadline, it would be fruitful not always being dependent on

emotions and introspection to be able to create. So, what if there is a method closer to my core

that still reaches out of my comfort zone? A way of being technical and theoretical in a

different manner? This thesis investigates if an active use of synesthesia can be that method.

1.1.2 Intuitive method

To describe my usual process when writing music, it often starts with a melody that comes to

me or an improvised phrase that later on could form a base, or work as an inspiration of a

song. The connection and intertwining between my lyrics and my music was investigated in

my Bachelor essay. It displayed that among other sources of inspiration, synesthesia was an

unconscious part of my creative process, especially in the relationship between lyrics and

music. Normally, after having a small musical phrase or idea the lyrics are written, either

simultaneously when the rest of the music is created, or afterwards. Often the lyrics are

somehow connected to how the phrase “looks” in my mind. To give an example, the process

of creating Waves of Gold2 is shared, one of the songs that was analysed in my Bachelor

essay. The starting point of that song was the thought of a river and its winding path forward

in an ever-constant motion. That inner picture was transformed into an arpeggio-line3. When

creating the rest of the composition, other shapes and colours complementing the arpeggio-

line was used. The overall colours that arose in my mind was a deep green, gold and shades of

2 Link of recording of Waves of Gold together with Bohuslän Big Band: https://open.spotify.com/track/5I7HN0z8mSZVXc16X0ktcV?si=4c1D9H8gTZWE81uAO-Ochw 3 Arpeggio: a broken chord where the notes are not played simultaneously.

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amber. This is an extract of what was written during that process (translated from Swedish):

I saw clear pictures within when thinking of the composition and tried to translate them

into music. I saw a stream of gold flying a little bit above the river, it twisted and turned

with the motion of the waves but never lost its direction. They became long floating

legato notes4 that after a dynamic crescendo were interrupted by shorter notes, as if the

stream of gold was bobbing up and down by the motions of the water.5

In the middle part I wanted to break away from the arpeggio-pattern that was built up,

and the long legato notes was swopped to shorter ones. I had a word which felt suitable

for the start of this new part: “drop” and “dripping”. It is hard to say why this word felt

suitable, if it was my wish for short notes that gave birth to the word “drop” or if I felt

that “drop” would fit with shorter notes. Examining the passage, it is evident how

connected the words and the music were to me.6

Reading this extract now, a third reason emerges to why “dripping” seemed so suitable. The

first is the desire for short notes and something contrasting the legato-feeling. “Dripping” with

its many consonants fits perfectly into that frame work. Also, when singing the word, it is

possible to use a small pause between “dripp” and “ing”, in order to accentuate the “p” for

further contrastive effect. Secondly, the word is associable with water. Therefore, it makes

sense to thematically use it in the lyrics. However, what eluded me in the beginning of writing

the Bachelor essay is that the letter D has a deep yellowish colour, almost like gold, and that

was the reason it felt adequate to use. Here are the stanzas7 that were written to that new

passage, coloured according to my grapheme-synesthesia.

4 Legato: Italian for “tied together”, music notes are to be sung or played connected. 5 Maria Palmqvist, “Text och Musik i Samverkan” (Bachelor thesis, Academy of Music and Drama, Gothenburg, 2017). 7. 6 Palmqvist, “Text och Musik,” 8. 7 Stanza: a grouped set of lines within a poem.

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Example 1. Coloured stanzas of Waves of Gold

The colour of the initial letter of a word often shades the rest of the word, meaning that this

stanza looks something like Example 1. Especially if there are white letters in the word, like

there is in dripping (the letters I and P are white.) When scrutinizing a text, all the colours of

the letters stand out, depending on how closely or fast I am reading. The fact that the initial

letter shades the entire word is common among synesthetes, this is called the first-letter

effect.8

8 Richard E. Cytowic, Synesthesia (Cambridge, MA: MIT Press, 2018), 40.

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Example 2: Same stanzas coloured more closely letter by letter.

Since these stanzas mostly consists of yellow and match one of the colours of the song, they

are very pleasing to me visually, especially Example 1. This is an example of intuitive

composing that mixes the use of synesthesia and thematic association as inspiration, where

everything seems to match and come together: sounds, synesthesia, theme and over all feeling

of the song. It is an example of when intuitive composing worked well for me.

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2. Purpose and aims of the project

I want to explore my inner world of colour and shapes and investigate how they permeate me,

my singing, my compositions and my improvisations and thereby discern how I can more

actively use synesthesia in my creative processes, with the aim of finding new paths and be

able to create in a more unlimited way. I want to find a deeper understanding for my own

creative processes and mapping out my synesthesia I believe will lead to a greater

understanding of how it affects my artistic work, both my compositions, my lyrics and how

they collaborate. By adding painting as another art form in my creative spectrum, I wish to

find an inspiration and playfulness that helps me move forward and expand my creativity.

Focusing on inner structures and creative processes, I hope will ease my performance anxiety,

and help me cope with periods of destructive thoughts and emotions. To make something as

abstract and subjective as synesthesia more visual and tangible, I believe will help visualize

and clarify - both for myself and others - inner processes of inspiration.

The areas investigated are:

Lyrics

Improvisation

Composition

Painted graphic scores

Creative processes/inspiration

2.1 Question

How can I develop and find new ways in my artistic work and my artistic processes with the

active use of my synesthesia?

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3. Context

3.1 What is synesthesia?

The word synesthesia means “joined or coupled sensation”9 and is formed by the Greek prefix

syn meaning “together” or “with,”10 and the Greek root esthesia, or aesthesia, meaning

“capacity for sensation and feeling.” 11 Synesthesia can be described as a cross-modal

connection or sensory coupling, and neurologist Richard E. Cytowic also gives us this

explanation: “modalities that most of us think aren’t supposed to “go together”, like gender

and numerals, end up coupled thanks to increased connections between different brain

areas.”12 Synesthesia was, for a long time, frowned upon amongst the scientific world and

viewed as a subject not worthy of attention. This has gradually changed. The most common

manifestation of synesthesia is sensing days of the week as coloured, followed by seeing

letters, numerals and punctuation marks in colour even though they are printed in black,

according to Cytowic.13 Just a few examples of other couplings are: taste-colour, sound-smell,

vision-taste and touch-flavour.14

The aim of this thesis is not to go into detail concerning the neurological functions behind

synesthesia. What interests me is how to use one’s synesthesia, and more specifically, how to

use it in an artistic manner. In Wednesday is Indigo Blue, Cytowic and Eagleman presents

three different examples of artists using synesthesia in their work. Some, they write, are “self-

taught and paint only what they see”15 while others try to achieve an “exact portrayal of what

they perceive, perhaps even providing a guide.”16 Here, the composer Olivier Messiaen is

taken as an example. Messiaen (1908-1992), famous for his use of colour in his music,

describes his sound-colour synesthesia in a conversation with Claude Samuel:

9 Cytowic, Synesthesia, 2. 10 Merriam-Webster Online, s.v. “syn,”. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/syn 11 Merriam-Webster Online, s.v. “esthesia,”. https://www.merriam-webster.com/medical/esthesia 12 Cytowic, Synesthesia, 4. 13 Cytowic, Synesthesia, 2-5. 14 Cytowic, Synesthesia, 64–65. 15 Richard E. Cytowic and David M. Eagleman, Wednesday is Indigo Blue: discovering the Brain of Synesthesia (A Bradford Book. Camebridge, Mass.: MIT Press, 2009), 173. 16 Cytowic and Eagleman, Wednesday, 173.

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I am... affected by a sort of synesthesia, more in my mind than in my body, that

allows me, when I hear music and also when I read it, to see inwardly, in my mind’s

eye, colors that move with the music; and I vividly sense these colors, and sometimes

I’ve precisely indicated their correspondence in my scores.17

The correspondence between colours and music is cardinal for how he composes and a

natural, self-evident part of how he approaches his composing.

Finally, there is the approach they call “private reference” that the Russian writer Vladimir

Nabokov practises by incorporating “synesthetic equivalences for his own amusement and

does not care whether we get the joke or not.”18

These are just three examples. There are also contemporary artists who draw inspiration and

make use of their synesthesia in their artwork and there are of course many other methods one

could work with, blend together and invent. Only the imagination set limits. Regardless of

method being used, the result will always end up being unique due to the subjectivity of the

trait.

3.2 A short introduction of visual music (or colour music)

The movement within art history called “Visual Music” (or “colour music”) tells the notion of

visual art attempting to achieve the nonrepresentational aspects of music. Olivia Mattis, one

of the editors of the book Visual Music: Synaesthesia in Art and Music Since 1900, explains

that:

the idea behind color music, for both painters and composers, was that the two arts of

music and painting, which normally occupy the nonintersecting domains of time and

space, could somehow be merged to induce a feeling of transcendence– the “poetic”

response– in the listener/viewer.19

17 Olivier Messiaen and Claude Samuel. Music and Color: Conversations with Claude Samuel (Portland, Or.: Amadeus Press, 1994), 40. 18 Cytowic and Eagleman, Wednesday, 175. 19 Kerry Brougher, editor, et al., Visual Music: Synaesthesia in Art and Music Since 1900, (London: Thames & Hudson, 2005), 213.

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This does not necessarily include the works of synesthesia, even though it was a driving force

of influence during this period of time. The movement of visual music stipulated a wish to

emulate musical structures in the visual arts. Since the beginning of the twentieth century,

artists have experimented with techniques to create a musical analogy in visual art, from

paintings and colour organs to film, multi-media and light shows. Both composers and

theorist have attempted to form analogies between colour and musical notes. The scientist Sir

Isaac Newton (1963-1989), proposed a correlation between the seven notes in a diatonic

major scale and the colours of the rainbow. Others made their own analogies of colour scales,

with individual interpretations of which hue corresponded to witch pitch. To display these

analogies, colour organs were made. One of the first to construct an instrument like this was

Louis-Bertrand Castel (1688-1757), a French Jesuit monk. The instrument displayed a flash of

colour every time the player struck a note.20

In the search for the merging of art mediums the term Gesamtkunstwerk arose in the

nineteenth century. It became associated with the composer Richard Wagner (1813-1883) and

his ideas of linking music with other art forms. The aspiration of the Gesamtkunstwerk was

that it “would unite music with drama, painting, dance, architecture, and poetry.”21 This

would be an “ideal work of art”22 where the merged art forms were to work in symbiosis,

creating a whole.

When it comes to synesthesia, it proved to be an important part first of Romantic, then of

Symbolist thought, during the nineteenth century. “Synaesthetic associations were thought to

result from a heightened state of aesthetic awareness in the perceiving subject”23 and artists

wanted to induce synesthetic associations in their audience through their works. The most

important and revered art form was music, due to its position as an untainted or abstract art

and since it had not been burdened with “mimic criteria, thereby making it available to wide-

ranging anticipations of a synesthetic destiny for which there were no comparisons.”24

20 Brougher, Visual Music, 214. 21 Brougher, Visual Music, 215. 22 Oxford English Dictionary, s.v. ”Gesamtkunstwerk,” http://www.oed.com. 23 Brougher, Visual Music, 15. 24 Jed Rasula, “Sublime Impudence: Synesthesia and Music from Romanticism to Modernism,” in History of a Shiver (Oxford University Press, 2016), 8.

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Especially in the visual arts, this was true. Wassily Kandinsky and František Kupka,

innovators of abstract painting, declared that “the formal abstract structures of musical

composition pointed the way towards a new art.”25 Music was the symbol of the ideal of this

new art, instead of depicting reality, artists instead wanted to “endow their canvases with the

emotional intensity, structural integrity, and aesthetic purity that they attributed to music.”26

One of the first to coin the term visual music was Roger Fry, writing in defence of Post-

impressionism in 1912. This “to describe works of art that “give up all resemblance to natural

form, and create a purely abstract language of form – a visual music.”27

What interests me is the merge between art mediums. The synesthetic connection between

visual art and music is to me one a clear link to my inner universe and my creativity, and a

path worthy of investigation.

4. Method The method used in this thesis is a form of explorative action research applied on four

experiments that investigate different aspects of how synesthesia can be used to create music,

improvise and write lyrics. The method created uses elements from the author’s synesthesia.

After conducting the experiments, they were analysed and reflected upon from the perspective

of the research question.

4.1 Rule-based method

To form a method more structural than internal, rather based on predetermined parameters

than elusive feelings, a method called the rule-based method was created. To limit oneself to a

selection of elements with the aim to get one’s mind to work in new ways and to break free

from one’s regular patterns, is not a new phenomenon. In the movement of Modernism ideas

about breaking with the past and new modes of expression were explored. “Modernism

fostered a period of experimentation in the arts from the late 19th to the mid-20th century,

25 Brougher, Visual Music, 16. 26 Brougher, Visual Music, 25. 27 Brougher, Visual Music, 25.

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particularly in the years following World War I.”28 Composers, experimented with new forms

and new attitudes toward tonality with composers as Schoenberg and Webern in the frontier.

New approaches to what music could be and sound like included atonality, serialism, and 12-

tone-row. In the same spirit followed experimental music. Grove Music Online defines

experimental music as a:

diverse set of musical practices that gained momentum in the middle of the 20th

century, characterized by its radical opposition to and questioning of institutionalized

modes of composition, performance, and aesthetics. 29

Experimental composers challenged and redefined the current norms of music, regarding the

role of the composer, the performer, the audience “and even the very nature and purpose of

music itself.”30 The creative use of technology with all its new possibilities of combining and

altering sounds, became a tool to drive composers away from their deep-rooted musical

routines. John Cage, the figurehead of the movement (1912-1992) considered all kinds of

sounds as musical, not only the components chosen by the composer but also unintentional

sounds of the environment. This also included silence. This led to “the principle

of indeterminism in his music,”31 or chance operations as he called them where he, in order to

remove any suggestion of personal taste and to guarantee unpredictability, used a number of

devices. This could be accomplished by not specifying the number of performers or type of

instrument, leaving the notation imprecise or letting parts of, or entire pieces, be decided by

haphazard means. One example of this is his method of using the Chinese Yijing or I Ching.

Cage had his own set of sonorities from which he let the oracle chart decide. The chance

operations were a means for Cage to randomize the order and coordination of events, still

having composed all elements of the piece, thereby letting the compositions take form

“outside the control of the composer’s conscious mind.”32 All of the musical material was still

created and composed in accordance to his individual stylistic preference. Cage believed that

28 Encyclopaedia Brtiannica Online, s.v. “Modernism,” https://www.britannica.com/. 29 Grove Music Online, s.v. “experimental music,” by Cecilia Sun, https://oxfordmusiconline.com.30 Grove Music Online, s.v. “experimental music,” by Cecilia Sun, https://oxfordmusiconline.com.31 Encyclopaedia Brtiannica Online, s.v. “Cage, John,” https://www.britannica.com/. 32 Grove Music Online, s.v. “Cage, John,” https://oxfordmusiconline.com.

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“given a set of sounds and a structure built on lengths of time, any arrangement of the sounds

and silences would be valid and interesting.”33 This method allows a composer to move out of

their own mind and to break free from established habits, with a result that could prove to be

more interesting, more relevant and newer than the composer could have created by himself.

Thus, what one does by assigning certain choices to chance, is to create a room outside of

oneself, where new discoveries outside the capacity of our minds are given the chance to

occur. Limiting the number of compositional elements may, paradoxically, induce more

creative freedom. Using a certain set of elements also allows one to step out of one’s personal

preferences. The piece becomes like a universe of its own with predetermined guidelines that

contain its own logic and cohesiveness. The guidelines illuminate, or perhaps even expand,

the possible directions for a work of art. This, together with the hope that some of my

performance anxiety would be helped by this process, was my goal by restricting myself to

only use predetermined sets of elements from a larger set, generated from my own

synesthesia.

4.2 Material

This thesis consists of three experiments regarding lyrics, improvisation, and graphic scores in

addition to one fourth and final experiment where all the earlier mentioned areas were

incorporated, together with a compositional aspect. The documentation consists of scores,

painted graphic scores and audio files. In the lyrics experiment, the basic material was a

sketch of my synesthetic perception of the alphabet which was used to form new material that

resulted in the poem called Breaking Point. The material of the improvisation experiment

consists of an audio file and a transcription of an improvisation with the poem Breaking Point

as a base. In the graphic score experiment the material consists of a graphic score and an

audio file of an improvised composition called The Wind. The material of the Balance

experiment consists of a mind map, paintings and an audio file of the composition Threads.

33 Grove Music Online, s.v. “Cage, John,” by Cecilia Sun, https://oxfordmusiconline.com.

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5. Investigation

As mentioned in the introduction of this thesis, my perception of my artistic work is that of a

universe. It is almost a place of its own. Although the perception of this inner universe may be

hard to grasp for others with its colours and imagery, the universe itself consists of actual

elements of music and art. Voice, singing, lyrics, texts, composition, improvisation, painting,

are all creative outlets that make up this inner place. In the frame of this investigation, three

areas were chosen to explore: lyrics, improvisation/improvised composition and painting

(graphic scores.)

6. Lyrics experiment

Plan: Write new song lyrics from only one or two colours of letters.

Analysis: What happened: did I use new words, new syntax?

Reflection: How did this method work, how did it respond to my question? Did I gain and/or

lose something artistically by using this method?

6.1 Plan and execution

My first experiment was with lyrics. The rule for this experiment was to only use words with

green or white initial letters. That left me with the letters: A, B, G (green) E, I, P, S, V

(white). I did a painting of how the alphabet looks to me, using water colours. It was quite

difficult to paint the letters according to my synesthesia since they have nuances and textures

that are hard to capture. Apparently, this “problem” has an explanation, since according to

Cytowic: “synesthetic colours are more nuanced and complicated than the eleven standard

colours typically used in psychological research.”34 Also, the surfaces in terms of “textures,

shapes, movement and shimmering”35 cause great variation in qualia (subjective aspect of

perception.) Thus, the painting did not capture the colours and textures to their full extent, but

was enough to illustrate my intention and to get me started. It however raised the question of

how important it is to make the replica as identical as possible.

34 Cytowic, Synesthesia, 35. 35 Cytowic, Synesthesia, 32.

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The choice to limit myself to only green and white initial letters was made to get me out of

my usual pattern when writing poetry/song lyrics. The intention was to get away from words I

normally use. Almost all my song lyrics have the word “soul” or “heart” in them, e.g. There is

nothing wrong with that, it corresponds to intuitive creating where one main purpose is

expressing myself and giving my feelings a creative channel. However, to break away from

that pattern, some active choices were made; not using the word “soul” for example, even

though it starts with a white initial letter and could have been an alternative.

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Example 3: Painting of the alphabet according to my synesthetic perception

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This was the result of what first came out:

Breaking Point Stay, go?

inside, seeing into internal states and statues:

endings, peaks, blinded peaks

bottom, strong and bold – verses internal struggle

irregularity – I aim balance

achieve – see it, peal it

analyse

systems break in springtime

birth seeking parallels, striving inner balance, is inside same as paradise?

poetic balance

inner self: striving paradise/empty shells

6.2 Result and analysis

This poem does not bear much resemblance to how my song lyrics are usually constructed. It

features the structures of Modernism36 rather than classical meter based verse. Features

associated to Modernist poetry and literature are free verse, disillusioned and fragmentary use

of language and images, experimenting with typography, stream of consciousness37 and a lack

of linear storytelling.38 In Breaking Point, the use of words is fragmentary. Words stand alone

as a consequence of the inability of linking words together. The rules for this experiment did

not allow the use of words like “out”, “when”, “then”, “or”, “for”, etc. Therefore, the poem is

not told as a story and the sentences are not cohesive. The fact that Breaking Point does not

have a metrical structure makes the poem more open in terms of interpretation and it leaves

more room for both the reader and myself to find different interpretations.

36 Modernism: a literary and artistic movement from the late 19th to the mid-20th century that broke with past traditions and wanted to replace them with a rational, critical attitude to the world. 37 Stream of consciousness: narrative technique intended to render the flow of numerous impressions 38 Encyclopaedia Britannica online, s.v “modernism,” https://www.britannica.com/art/Modernism-art

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6.3 Reflection

When it comes to the creative process a great deal was gained using this method. Using a

more restricted form of writing by setting up rules stimulated the creative process, and

sufficiently provided a result. One conclusion in my Bachelor essay was that when inspiration

and feeling is insufficient, the use of a more rule-based approach could be helpful; to look at it

as if you are building a puzzle rather than pouring out your feelings. That approach was then

linked to thematic rules: choosing a theme then writing lyrics from words connected to that

theme. During times of tiredness and exhaustion, and thereby lack of inspiration, that theme-

method has proven inefficient. One big advantage of this lyrics experiment was that it did not

allow me to overthink while creating, leaving no room for a destructive critical voice to come

into the process. Critical evaluation is an important part of artistic work but if it appears too

early in the process it mutes the creativity, instead allowing self-doubt and fear to take its

place. Does this mean that sticking rigidly to a chosen set of elements equal less pressure on

oneself? Perhaps, in a sense. At least in this specific creative moment.

Since the poem differs in arrangement and syntax39 from my usual style of writing, it brings

forth something new. Aesthetically, I am not sure how much this fragmentary form of poetry

appeals to me, and if it is something to aim for henceforth. One possibility could be to explore

what would happen if the chosen set of elements was removed and the work on the poem

continued. To use the poem as a starting point and to give it a chance to grow, thereby getting

closer to the core of my normal style of writing.

39 Syntax: the way in which linguistic elements (such as words) are put together to form constituents (such as pauses or clauses).

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7. Improvisation/Improvised composition experiment

Plan: Use the lyrics created in the first experiment and use a selected set of elements when

improvising. Use the same letters but as notes – A, B, G (green) and E (white).

Analysis: What happened, was the outcome different from my previous improvisations?




To implement an experiment regarding the improvised aspect of my work, the poem that was

the outcome of my experiment with lyrics, Breaking Point, was used. The rule for this

experiment was to use the same letters but as notes. That left me with A, B, G (green) and E

(white). As a singer without perfect pitch, it would be difficult to know which notes were

sung. Therefore, a kalimba40, tuned in C-major, was used to play the notes. Consequently, the

letters/tones Ab and Eb that also are green and white respectively and could technically have

been used in the experiment, were not available. Another possibility could have been to use a

piano, but the kalimba left me with less options which in this context could be fruitful. In the

beginning, the note E was attempted to be played whenever there was a white initial letter,

and vice versa with the green ones. See attached files: Audio 1. That strategy could not be

continued throughout the whole experiment due to my lack of kalimba skills.


Since everything was improvised, a form of intuitive composition took place. The intention

was to improvise freely with Breaking Point as a base, however the result turned out to be

more of a composition. Since the poem lacks a metric verse one could anticipate a vague

musical structure as an outcome and an improvisation freer in style, perhaps lacking a sense

of form. That was not the case, the feeling was rather one of inspiration from my part, and

that this could work as a foundation of a “real” song. If one views the improvisation as an

improvised composition, there are both similarities and differences to my “normal”

compositions. The chosen notes belong in one key which makes it tonal, a trait also found in

40 Kalimba: an African thumb piano.

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my music. In that sense, this experiment did not make me go into a new tonal landscape.

However, by only using a few notes, the improvised composition becomes quite repetitive in

style which gives it a meditative feeling, something I do not usually strive for or recognise in

my compositions or improvisations.

7.3 Reflection

Using improvisation and creating in the moment is close to my normal process of writing

music, even if using a predetermined set of elements was a new feature. Sometimes when

improvising completely freely without any predetermined rules or elements, I feel quite lost

and find myself lacking inspiration and ideas. In this experiment, limiting myself to only o

few elements helped me to feel present and in flow. Another struggle is the feeling of stress

during improvising. The stress makes me nervous and the nerves take control of my thoughts

– the overthinking begins which makes it hard to be present. Focusing on the colours helped

me with this. Also, the fact that focus was on playing the right notes on the kalimba (and

sometimes failing to do so), probably contributed to my sense of being present. This leaves

me wondering how to form an experiment enabling me to be freer and stimulate an

improvisation moving away from building forms and structures, yet preventing me from

feeling stressed, nervous and out of ideas.

8. Graphic Score Experiment

Plan: Make a graphic score of an improvised song by painting it the way I perceive it in my

mind.

Analysis: What happened? Could I use it as a graphic score?




The idea of making a graphic score both relates to visual music and experimental music.

Musically, graphic scores have been used to expand the traditional form of musical notation:

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Searching for new ways to introduce elements of indeterminacy has led some

experimental composers to expand the nature, possibilities, and function of musical

scores. Often abandoning traditional specialized musical notation, experimentalists

work with graphic scores, written instructions, and other unorthodox means, resulting

in documents that no longer represented specific sounds and musical structures.41

This approach benefits the birth of new, fresh musical ideas and enables musicians to move

outside of their usual habitat of thought, while within the field of visual music, the making of

graphic scores alludes to the idea of merging the structures of music into visual art. Although

they differ in procedure, they are similar in their wish to expand the creative space. This

graphic score experiment ended up relating more to the creative process than the idea of

indeterminacy. During an improvised session, together with a bass player, an improvisation

ended up being a song thus far consisting of three parts. See attached files: Audio 2. (Bass:

Viktor Reuter). After having recorded the song the next step was transcription. However,

when attempting to transcribe the song, it almost seemed unnecessary from my point of view,

since my inner picture of the song was so clear. That picture did not coincide with the features

and systems of regular sheet music. Hence, the question arose if it would be possible to paint

the song according to my synesthetic perception, to have a visual score of it.

The three musical parts are layered above one another in my mind. My synesthetic perception

of the composition moves vertically in this case, where the first part is at the bottom, the

second in the middle and the third on top. This was the result:

41 Grove Music Online, s.v. “experimental music,” by Cecilia Sun, https://oxfordmusiconline.com.

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Example 4: graphic score of The Wind

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Not only was this a pleasing incorporation of painting into my musical artistic work, but it

fulfilled its purpose as a graphic score and visual aid. With this experience, a new method of

writing down my compositions became possible. Using the picture as a memory aid at our

next rehearsal made sense to me and worked as a score. This method allowed me to express

certain aspects that were not achievable in the regular note-system, which were visually

satisfactory. Getting rid of the lines was one of those things, using space or coloured space

instead. That would have been difficult to translate into regular sheet music since there is no

congruence between the amount of visual space in my mind and the amount of time passing

during that space in the real world. The vertical aspect could have been solved by starting at

the bottom of a piece of regular sheet music, moving its way upwards, but the lines of the note

system would still have been an unnecessary and unwelcome feature.

8.3 Reflection

As already discovered in the lyrics experiment, it was quite difficult to paint it in a manner

that reflected my perception of the song. There are so many layers and textures that do not

come out the same way on paper as in my mind - and there is also the factor of movement and

3D-perspective that cannot not be captured in this kind of painting. This made me return to

the question of how important it is to make as identical a replica as possible. To answer that

question, one must consider the experiment’s purpose and aim. As a memory-aid for me it is a

wonderful addition in my artistic universe as it is, but the closer the outer transcription comes

to the inner picture, the greater it can evoke all the surrounding feelings connected to the piece

of music. Looking at the picture, all the other emotions surrounding the graphic score are

enhanced. It evokes emotions connected to several senses; the feeling of the room, the light of

the lamps, the thoughts between the words when improvising the lyrics, what the air and

space felt like, and how my voice felt. The whole experience is captured in a deeper and more

complete manner than a regular piece of sheet music. It is a capsule of a musical experience.

This made me think of how some composers worked within the movement of visual music.

Both Arnold Schoenberg (1874-1951) and Edgar Varèse (1883-1965) used painting in their

creating. According to Visual Music, Schoenberg was an accomplished painter whose visual

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dimension was highly developed. “His Farben, the central movement of Five Pieces for

Orchestra, opus 16 (1909), is the first example in music history of a pointillistic score,”42

where the conventional use of melody is replaced by dots of sound scattered across the parts

of a large orchestra. For Edgar Varèse, painting was a means of unlocking a stalemate in

challenging parts of a score. The uniting of sound and colour was a concept he explored

throughout his carrier.43 Both approaches use painting in different stages of creativity. While

Schoenberg has a concrete visual approach that takes its form in the result of the score, Varèse

incorporates painting in the creative process. Neither of which uses painting in precisely the

same manner as is done in this experiment, but they allude to two of my aims: using other art

mediums to create a fuller picture of a musical experience and using it as a means of

expanding the creative sphere, allowing ideas of interpretation to take shape.

There is one main problem with this approach, namely that its use is of limited value for other

people than myself. If practicing this song with a person not familiar with the composition, it

would be impossible to understand just by looking at the graphic score. So, as a memory-aid

and a means of fully capturing a musical idea or experience it fills its purpose, but as a tool of

universal language and a score notation of specific information, it is quite useless. However, it

could be of use in other areas. For example, it would be an interesting further development of

the experiment to present this graphic score to another musician, unaware of the song behind

it, and ask them to make an improvisation from it. It would also be interesting to make the

improvisation together, to see what would happen to my playing. Would I get stuck in the

original song? Would it prolong the already given musical ideas or give birth to new ones?

Another idea that came to mind was to have a visual designer interpreting different graphic

scores of my compositions, making live visuals during a concert, for example. That would

give room for movement and 3D-perspective, and a way to use my synesthesia to collaborate

with other artists.

42 Kerry Brougher, editor, et al., Visual Music: Synaesthesia in Art and Music Since 1900, (London: Thames & Hudson, 2005), 220. 43 Brougher, Visual Music, 220-223.

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9. Balance experiment

Having executed these three experiments, the next step was to explore if there was a way to

find a balance between the rule-based method and the regular intuitive method. There were a

few initial ideas of how to form this experiment. One was to make a suite of several pieces, all

represented by a different colour, pin-pointing different parts in each piece using the methods

from the experiments, and in between letting go of the rules chosen for the experiment. This

idea was inspired from reading the book Färger by Remy de Gourmont,44 who was also

believed to have synesthesia. In that book, every chapter is named after a colour. This was too

ambitious of a project for the framework of this thesis, but I decided to start the project and

make one piece that would be the first part of the suite. Still attempting to move closer to my

normal working method, but this time closely analysing how the synesthesia guided me in the

creative process with the aim to be fully aware of the actual process taking place. The set of

elements that were chosen for this experiment was to be seen more as a source of inspiration

rather than unbendable rules.

Having read about Olivier Messiaen and his close relationship with colour and sound and

having enjoyed how beautifully and eloquently he describes his synesthetic visions, the

following extract especially resonated with me and inspired me to move forward with the

balance experiment:

All impressions are transformed into music within me. Hence a photograph of

stalagmites and stalactites at once suggests a melody to me; a stained glass window

inspires in me a sequence of chords and timbres. Moreover, l am extremely

sensitive to colours and the sound-colour relationship. I hear and see very precisely

certain of my modes in violet, lilac, and violaceous purple pigmented with red.45

Messiaen describes how everything he sees, hears, senses and experiences turns into music in

a manner that closely relates to my own view of music. In my mind, there is an array of

44 Remy de Gourmont (1857-1915) French poet, novelist, playwright and philosopher within the Symbolist movement. 45 Olivier Messiaen and Bernard Gavoty, "Who Are You, Olivier Messiaen?" Tempo, no. 58 (1961): 35.

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different impressions connected to a piece of music consisting of both synesthetic and

“actual” visuals in the form of colours, shapes, sounds, words and movements. It is often

difficult to derive in what order these impressions become links in an inner visionary chain,

but suddenly there is this inner awareness that they naturally stand next to one another.

Therefore, this experiment begun with a mind map of the selected set of elements, which

moved on to paintings, both with the attempt to transfer this inner chain to the outside world.

Plan: Create a composition with lyrics using a chosen set of elements from my synesthesia as

a starting point and as a source of inspiration.

Analysis: What happened? Was it possible for the two methods to intertwine organically?




The chosen set of elements:

Colour – blue

Letters – T, F

Key – F

Word/Theme – Threads

Threads – looks like strings

Instruments – piano/strings

Different shades of blue are often a part of my inner perception and was therefore chosen to

be the first element. This led to the letters T and F – my blue letters of the alphabet – and

thereby also the key of F. Thereafter I thought of the word “thread” which led me to think of

strings since string instruments are shaped like threads or straight lines in my synesthetic

perception. “Threads” worked well as lyrical inspiration, containing several connotations

beneficial for creating a theme. Then, the colours white and black and the instruments piano

and synthesiser were added. The sound of a piano is often white and black to me, and differs

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in shapes compared to the strings and would therefore serve as a perceptive counterbalance.

Suggestions of shapes or movements: drops, fading, waves.

This mind map served as a spring board to further inner imagery and visuals, leading me to

create paintings while simultaneously working with the music. Musically, what came first was

the piano-line, then the phrase: “you keep pulling the needle through, again and again and

again, you keep pushing and pulling and pushing and pulling, never ever done.” I then had

something to work with, and the theme of the song was beginning to take shape.

Thoughts about the theme were: the building of life, life as a tapestry, threads as a metaphor

of thoughts, feelings, actions, breaths, corner stones of our existence; all the foundations

constituting our lives. A continuous weave that is constantly in creation, a weave we

sometimes tear up and trash, but to the day we die we keep sewing. On my own robe of life, I

will embroider all I have inside, all the good and all the bad, all my experiences, all my

emotions.

One conscious choice was to try to use the letters from the mind map (S, P, T, V, E, I, F) in

the beginning of the lyric writing process. When the theme had been decided, the letters of the

mind-map were not needed as a source of inspiration to the same extent as before. The

process could proceed by forming the lyrics from the decided story line. When stuck, I would

return to the letters and colours from the mind-map and the paintings, and actively search for

words that fitted those elements. Then came the choice to use the words directly as they were,

or use them as inspiration, helping me to move forward in another direction. Slowly, softly

and steady were used both for their white initial letter, and were consciously put in the

beginning of phrases to help colour the whole phrase in a white shade. Both the processes

with lyrics and musical components progressed smoothly with the help of the paintings and

the mind map. See attached files: Audio 3. (Piano: Karl Magnús Andersson).

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Threads

Slowly building it up

gently with love

I keep pulling the needle through, again and again and again

I keep pushing and pulling and pushing and pulling

never ever done

Softly tearing it down

firmly like a flood

I keep pulling the needle through, again and again and again

I keep pushing and pulling and pushing and pulling

endless are the lines

I am weaving a robe of life

of light, of us, of love

I am stitching all my feelings on,

this robe I’ll wear, I’ll carry all my

life until the day I die

Then I’ll take it off

In this time when we’re alive,

we have all the stars inside

In the night, I paint the

darkened sky, with dots of blue and white

In our hearts we make the stars align

from the inside out

Steady shaping the web

kindly by hand

I attach all I have inside

The sorrows, the griefs, and the frights

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All my longings, my dreams, my scares, all my worries

all I’ve ever been

I adorn my robe of life

with every part of me

all the laughter, the joys, the mile-stones the heart-aches,

every fragment, every part of

the journey that I am on

all I’ve been given

will be stitched on my robe of life,

with threads I’ve painted blue

I embroider until the day that I die,

with threads of blue and threads of life

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Example 5: Mind Map of Threads

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Example 6: Painting of Threads (sketches of components, black lines: strings, overall colours

of the piece, and colours of words)

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Example 7: Painting of Threads (blue drops: piano, black lines: strings)

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Example 8: Painting of Threads (blue drops: piano and movement)

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Example 9: Painting of Threads (part of the song where the harmony changes to a major

chord)

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Example 10: Painting of Threads (overall inner palette of the piece)

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The two methods merged with ease. This intertwined process that took place had similarities

with the intuitive method with one main difference: the conscious use of synesthesia. To use a

set of elements as a springboard as inspiration worked well, both in the beginning and during

the process. Using painting to shed light on the synesthetic process clarified the process and

guided me like a graphic score, a time line or some other template the piece could have been

based upon. The set of selected elements worked and helped me in the manner they were

intended. The progression of this piece was attained by synesthetic imagery, stream of

consciousness, inner visions, with the synesthetic elements as guidelines. Over all, this

overlapping of methods worked very well and helped me in understanding my creative

process better.

9.3 Reflection

As stated in the introduction of this experiment, the most important mission was to attempt to

closely analyse how the synesthesia would guide me in the creative process. The aim was to

be “fully aware of the actual process taking place.” It is a difficult task to describe in exactly

what order different components show up in a creative process – when does music induce

visuals and when is the opposite true? To be fully aware of the progression of a creative

process – can that ever be achieved? This experiment at least shed light upon how one can get

closer to the core of one’s creative process. In this case, this was achieved by painting.

Painting the synesthetic process became a tool in understanding how synesthesia guides me in

creative processes. Even though the paintings are not (and by this point in the process I

suspect that they probably never will be), complete replicas of my synesthetic perception, the

attempt of painting the progression clarified the inner process and made it more palpable. It

also became more substantial. Hopefully, it is easier to understand and take part of for other

people. I believe the making of the paintings slowed down the stream of consciousness that

constitutes the intuitive method, and thereby also slowed down the process itself. This made

me understand the intuitive method better while allowing me to find a natural place for

painting in my creative universe. I am also very happy with the artistic result.

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This also alludes to indeterminacy. When the chosen elements one has set up fails to deliver a

satisfying aesthetic result, one has the option to change and balance the components. In the

end, my stylistic preferences will always have final say in the sonic result, but the selected

elements serve to create and present new possibilities within the boundaries of the specific

system. Having recorded the composition, the decision was made to remove the strings, since

the result with just piano and voice was pleasing. Moving on with the piece, and in the future

also the suite, strings will still be one of the elements and will most definitely be used in some

manner.

This merged method felt more organic than the earlier experiments, in fact, it felt more like a

normal creative process than an experiment. One could thereby look at the merging of the

intuitive and the rule-based method as the creation of a third method – one that I have chosen

to call the “synesthetic method.” My question – how I can actively use synesthesia – found its

most useful and natural answer here in the merging of the two earlier methods. I see myself

continuing working with the synesthetic method and believe I can and will use it throughout

my artistic life. It is close to the intuitive method – but with a sharper aim. Embellished with

tools from my synesthesia, it is as if the intuitive method has gone through a distillation,

crystalizing the creative process – clarifying its core and path forward.

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10. Final discussion

Synesthesia – an inner reality

To expand one’s universe

With the work of this thesis, I wanted to explore my inner world of colours and shapes to

attain a greater understanding for how they permeate me and to investigate how to use them in

my artistic practise. I wanted to expand both my inner and my creative universe, or, my inner

reality, as Cytowic puts it in Synesthesia:

Reality isn’t something that exists outside oneself. Encased in the silent darkness of

the skull, the brain weaves your inner umwelt into a story, the reality of your

subjective world.46

Reality – is it something we live in, something we create or something we experience?

Though we all live in the same world and walk on the same ground on the same planet, we do

not seem to experience the same reality. Or rather, we seem to experience the same reality

differently. My perception of the world is subjective and will always be coloured by my inner

reality, like Cytowic claims. Yet, by trying to grasp and shed light on synesthesia in creative

processes, I have come to develop an understanding for the interplay between that inner

reality and what we can call an outer reality. The actual components of this work, the

paintings, the graphic scores, and the music are all the result of the interaction between those

realities. Looking back at the result of the last experiment, the song Thread can be seen as a

story of this process. At first, “threads” was used as a metaphor of all that constitutes a life:

feelings, thoughts or dreams that we experience on the inside. When those experiences meet

the outer reality, simply by being expressed, we put them on our metaphorical robes, creating

a dialogue between the realities. It is an everyday process of our lives, here conceptualized

and embodied through synesthetic perception. We meet the world from our own perspective,

with our individual back stories and everything we express to the outer reality is permeated by

our inner reality. The reality that Cytowic means weaves the environment we experience into

a subjective story.

46 Cytowic, Synesthesia, 101-102.

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The dialogue between the inner and the outer world has through this work been brought to

surface. As mentioned in the introduction of this thesis, I have always envisioned my creative

world as a place of its own, its own universe. It is very real to me. This also goes for music in

general – when listening to music, it becomes like a world of its own. As a listener, a new

world emerges. Something is being born, built, created in front of me, and as part of me.

Perhaps this is not only due to my synesthesia, but it probably plays a big part in me feeling

transported to a place, into the colours of the music that moves me. Listening to music or

creating music is a means of extending my reality, extending my inner universe. Enlightening

the synesthetic processes of myself has at the same time highlighted the fact that we all share

and have the connection between different senses, if not to the same extent.

Because music is so salient to us, it makes us strongly aware of a connection with a

larger reality. This sense of connection enlivens our other senses at the same time,

motivating us to respond with our entire bodies to music that engages us. We

experience our perception of sound in the case of music as connecting us to the very

world that we experience through the range of our senses.47

The extract above points to something rather beautiful, that music serves as a connection

between our senses, and that our senses are working together with music as the source of

correlation. When letting go of my music, it becomes (in my inner perception) a place, that is

highly real – but, of course, only to me. It contains several emotions, links to my history,

influences that I may or may not be aware of - but the listener will always receive the music

from their inner reality. I can only offer my universe, never tell anyone how to feel, or what to

think about it. It is a comforting thought. Music is the connector of not only our own senses

but a link between one’s reality and someone else’s.

How it is all connected

While working with the graphic score experiment, a deeper understanding was gained

regarding how synesthesia works, or can be used, as a creative tool. I began to see it as an

47 Kathleen Marie Higgins, The Music between Us: Is Music a Universal Language? (Chicago; London: University of Chicago Press, 2012), 113.

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overall structure, a home for all the components in a musical piece. This was written in the

analysis experiment about the graphic score: “the whole experience is captured in a deeper

and more complete manner than a regular piece of sheet music. It is a capsule of a musical

experience.” I felt relieved. Not because of the painting of the graphic score itself, but by

trying to connect all the pieces linked to a musical piece and by collecting them in one place,

something fell into place. Just as a graphic score could encase the experience of the

improvisation of The Wind, it dawned on me that the colours and shapes that are linked to my

songs, play as big a part as the actual written notes. Higgins tells us that: “forming deeply

ingrained associations with music is a universal propensity.”48 Even if not all of us see colours

and shapes in music, I believe we all have memories attached to meaningful songs that evoke

certain feelings, that some specific smells have the power of transporting us back to our

childhood or favourite songs that make our bodies move along to its beat; it is something we

all share. My lack of understanding of music theory has been a source of insecurity. When

writing arrangements for bigger groups like big bands or wind orchestras, my process starts

with what I hear inside, then, as the process develops, I try to work out the theory. Though,

when working with my band (piano and synthesiser, bass and drums) the process is different,

and my senses play a bigger part than the written notes. Like the Aboriginal people of

Australia who, according to Higgins, “refer to recognizing a song through its taste or smell,”49

my keyboard player needs to find a sound on the synthesizer that not only sounds “right” but

also looks “right.” Understanding these processes have strengthened my confidence in using

my synesthetic perception, justified that my songs have more elements to them than the

written notes and emphasized that they are of equal importance.

Anxiety and perfectionism

To dig deep into my own creative processes and my synesthesia has also helped me connect

to myself on a deeper level. In hindsight, focusing on the process instead of the result did just

that – but I also believe that limiting myself to a selection of elements served me in that

aspect. Distracting me from the end result got the creativity flowing. To restrict oneself to a

set of parameters, is a well-used trick to help one move into new territories, or plainly to

48 Higgins, The Music between Us, 117. 49 Higgins, The Music between Us, 111.

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induce creativity. The psychologist Rollo May claims that “creativity arises out of the tension

between spontaneity and limitations, the latter [...] forcing the spontaneity into the various

forms which are essential to the work of art or poem.”50 Restricting myself to a set of rules

and elements generated from my synesthesia created space for new ideas, especially in the

lyrics experiment. Also, the balance experiment gave a fruitful result, where the set of

elements was used as a starting point. Olivier Messiaen, invented a musical cryptogram based

on the alphabet and other linguistic elements which was used in the work for organ

Méditations sur le mystère de la Sainte Trinité, composed in 1969.51 Of the use of this

cryptogram, which relates to the approach of the balance experiment, he says:

My method is only a game. A fruitful game that has forced me to discover new

musical variations. [...] I nevertheless exercise some control, and reserve the right to

change the words when the result isn’t interesting.52

As expected, the set of elements worked as a means of expanding my creative universe,

moving me in new directions, but it was a welcome addition that they also aided me in my

creative anxiety – allowing me to leave the judging until after the result was done. One of the

aims of this project was that focusing on inner structures and creative processes would ease

my performance anxiety that has been a struggle all my life. Stage fright, high demands and

perfectionism have often hindered my creativity mid-process or before the process has even

begun. I doubt and judge myself, letting destructive thoughts and emotions get the better of

me. To a certain degree this aim was attained, as explained above. However, when trying to

express the dialogue between inner and outer reality, one problem occurred: the impossibility

of exactly replicating my inner perception. At first it bothered me, but after a while the

depictions somehow seemed to be going through a filter in the transition between the inner

and outer reality – leaving me to accept the discrepancy between the concrete object and the

abstract inner vision it was trying to replicate. Besides, how does one paint with a colour that

only exists in one’s mind? Yet, at first, the perfectionist in me had trouble accepting this.

Rollo May claims that this is a universal struggle to artists: “the fundamental contradiction

50 Rollo May, The Courage to Create (New York; London: W.W. Norton, 1994), 115. 51 Messiaen and Samuel, Music and Color, 125. 52 Messiaen and Samuel, Music and Color, 17.

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that arises from the hopeless discrepancy between conception and realization” and that it

“helps explain the anguish which seems to be an unavoidable component of that

experience.”53 Perhaps it is true that depicting your creative vision, be it synesthetic or not,

always is a source of anxiety to some extent. According to May, this is because “what is

essentially abstract, can never be made concrete without altering its essence.”54 Accepting this

statement helped me lose some of my anxiety. Life is about evolving. It is a daunting process

that holds self-doubts and fears – but it also holds relief. It is not about giving up the search

for a satisfactory result, it is about shifting focus from the result to the search, highlighting the

exploration. At this state of the process, I am content with having found a new way of

opening the channel between my inner and outer reality and that is what is most important.

May means that:

the greatness of a poem or a painting is not that it portrays the thing observed or

experienced, but that it portrays the artist’s or the poet’s vision cued off by his

encounter with the reality.55

By looking at someone’s art, or listening to someone’s music, I encounter a piece of their

reality. I encounter all the threads evolving through an artist’s vision, stemming from their

inner reality, their background and their life story. I interpret them and their take on the world.

Messiaen refers to his inner world of colours as “an inward reality.”56 That word, “reality” has

been the leading word of this final discussion. Our inner reality shapes us and our view of the

world will always be subjective. Synesthesia is a powerful reminder of that fact. If we were

humbler to the fact that none of us can truly understand one another’s inner reality, perhaps

that could change human interactions, letting that permeate not only artistic endeavours but all

fields of existence. The threads we leave on our robes are to be interpreted by the reality of

their encounter, however clear they are to ourselves. Or in the words of Cytowic: “we don’t

see things as they are, we see them as we are.”57

53 Rollo May, The Courage to Create, 83. 54 May, The Courage to Create, 83. 55 May, The Courage to Create, 79. 56 Messiaen and Samuel, Music and Color, 40. 57 Cytowic, Synesthesia, 235.

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11. Conclusion By creating a method based on elements generated from my synesthesia, I have learned that I

can actively use my synesthesia in various aspects of my artistic work and in my creative

processes. The method proved fruitful in delivering results that differed from my usual style

of creating in all areas investigated: lyrics, improvisation, composition, graphic score, creative

processes/inspiration. Whether the results were in my opinion artistically satisfactory or not,

varied amongst the different experiments. The purpose of this investigation however was not

to create finished pieces of music, but rather to find something new within me and to explore

my creativity, which was realized. This process, especially painting and working with certain

sets of elements, helped me shift focus from negative and destructive chains of thoughts and

instead allowed me to be in the moment. Finding a way to avoid judgement, critique and self-

doubt for a while was perhaps one of the greatest values of this project. Since focus was on

the music and not the paintings, the visual result was not reflected upon during the process.

However, using a set of elements not only affected the musical aspect but also the visual

aesthetics. Focusing on smaller details and putting them together into one bigger picture

removed performance anxiety and induced creativity in the same manner as it did to the

creation of the music. It truly allowed me to be in the moment. The lack of scrutinizing during

the process of the paintings left me somewhat surprized of the result. Now, looking back at

the paintings, they do not only consist of details. The motifs are able to stand on their own.

They have become their own abstract, independent worlds, in addition of being connected to

the music. Moreover, adding painting enabled me to expand my creative universe and it

hopefully serves as a tool of making synesthetic artistic processes more tangible for other

people. Overall, the thesis formed a base on which I can continue to build different projects

and take with me during the rest of my life.

12. Further investigation

This work has scratched the surface of what a modern Gesamstkunstwerk could be. I am

curious to see how one could further develop one’s inner and outer realities to form music that

at the same times moves closer to an inner personal core, while simultaneously expanding its

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outer concrete space. To enlarge its universe and its constituents, merging different mediums

of art together in search of a fuller picture of the inner essence of what music is; what it can

look like and what it can sound like. Questions to be further investigated are: How can

synesthesia be used to further investigate the connections between music and visuals? How

can synesthesia further be used to connect other art forms, besides music and painting, and

how can it be used as a framework of a performance? How can synesthesia be used in every

link of a performance, regarding: music, visuals, clothes, scenery, light and sound? How can

one medium of art induce creativity in another? How can I further develop my active use of

synesthesia in my artistic processes? I believe there is much to be gained in investigating

processes of creativity that link different art forms. Highlighting the individual perspective

and using this as a strength in educational and creative methodologies will encourage both

personal and creative growth. To be able to view a piece of art, a piece of music or a creative

problem from different angles and perspectives by having a holistic approach, I believe will

open up possibilities. This could be of interest to students, artists and all human beings

involved in some sort of creative process. An approach like this could encourage the search of

a personal language. If music is a universal language, perhaps synesthesia could serve as a

reminder that the words we use to speak that language is to some extent always arbitrary –

but, synesthesia can also be the element that helps us establish our inner language. It can also

be a reminder to trust one’s inner perspective, giving it authority and integrity. If I am

searching for a sound to sound “more blue” – it is not nonsense. It means something. If one

closely analyses the process of approaching the blue sound, one can discover something about

oneself and move closer to one’s inner reality. What happened in the process of the sound

sounding “blue” – did it become darker? Harder? Have more texture? We can then establish a

language less arbitrary and more universal, while making communication more

understandable, at the same time discovering something about ourselves. Our inner threads

have found a common ground, more comprehensible than the subjective inner reality. I

believe music serves as a prolonging between human beings and as a channel between

people’s realities. The synesthetic works behind it are something I would very much like to

investigate in the future.

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Attached audiofiles

Ex 1: Audio 1 Improvisation Breaking Point

Ex 2: Audio 2 Improvised composition The Wind

Ex 3: Audio 3 Composition Threads

Attached files

1. Transcription of improvisation Breaking Point

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Bibliography Brougher, Kerry, Olivia Mattis, Jeremy Strick, Ari Wiseman and Judith Zilczer, editors. Visual Music: Synaesthesia in Art and Music Since 1900. London: Thames & Hudson, 2005. Cytowic, Richard E. Synesthesia: A Union of the Senses. New York: Springer-Verlag. 1989. Cytowic, Richard E. Synesthesia. Cambridge, MA: MIT Press, 2018. Cytowic, Richard E., and David M. Eagleman. Wednesday is Indigo Blue: discovering the Brain of Synesthesia. A Bradford Book. Camebridge, Mass.: MIT Press, 2009. Day, Sean A. “Synesthesia: A First Person Perspective.” In Oxford Handbook of Synesthesia, edited by Julia Simner and Edward Hubbard, Chapter 044, 2-22. Oxford University Press, 2013. De Gourmont, Remy. Färger. French original title: Couleurs, Contes Nouveaux; Suivis de Choses Anciennes. Alastor Press, 2013. Higgins, Kathleen Marie. The Music between Us: Is Music a Universal Language? Chicago; London: University of Chicago Press, 2012. May, Rollo. The Courage to Create. New York; London: W.W. Norton, 1994. Messiaen, Olivier and Bernard Gavoty. "Who Are You, Olivier Messiaen?" Tempo, no. 58 (1961): 33-36. Messiaen, Olivier and Claude Samuel. Music and Color: Conversations with Claude Samuel. Portland, Or.: Amadeus Press, 1994. Palmqvist, Maria. “Text och Musik i Samverkan.” Bachelor thesis, Academy of Music and Drama, Gothenburg, 2017. Rasula, Jed. “Sublime Impudence: Synesthesia and Music from Romanticism to Modernism,” in History of a Shiver, Chapter 2, page 8. Oxford University Press, 2016.

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Documents

A Palette of my Inner Universe