A PLACE OF YES by Bethenny Frankel – on Skating with the Stars

8/7/2019 A PLACE OF YES by Bethenny Frankel on Skating with the Stars

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A l s o b y b e t h e n n y F r A n k e l

Natural ly Thin

The Skinnygir l Dish


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A Place of Yes10 Rules for Getting EverythingYou Want Out of Life

Bethenny Frankelwith Eve Adamson

A t o u c h s t o n e b o o k

Published by Simon & Schuster

New York London Toronto Sydney

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Touchstone

A Division of Simon & Schuster, Inc.

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New York, NY 10020

Copyright 2011 by BB Endeavors, LLC

All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof

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Designed Joy OMeara

Manufactured in the United States of America

1 3 5 7 9 10 8 6 4 2

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Frankel, Bethenny.

A place of yes : 10 rules for getting everything you want out of life /by Bethenny Frankel, with Eve Adamson.

p. cm.

1. Self-actualization (Psychology). 2. Self-realization.

3. Self-defeating behavior. 4. Success. 5. Frankel, Bethenny.

I. Adamson, Eve. II. Title.

BF637.S4F723 2011

646.7dc22 2010050090

ISBN 978-1-4391-8690-9

ISBN 978-1-4391-8692-3 (ebook)


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This book is dedicated to you:my passionate, fearless, inappropriate,

supportive, caring, hilarious fans.

You go for it, you want more, you believe in yourselves

and in the ght and you know that good enoughsimply isnt good enough.

You have come into my life and allowed me to come into yours.

Everything I do is to show you that anything and everything

is possible, and we will get there together.

Trust this book, love yourself,

and allow yourself to live the life

you always dreamed of.


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Contents

IntroductionWho I Am, What This Book Is About,

and What You Need to Know Before You Begin 1

Rule 1Break the Chain: Surviving Childhood 18

Rule 2

Find Your Truth: How I Finally Met My Match 64

Rule 3Act on It: My Dream Evolves 114

Rule 4Everythings Your Business: Finding My Stride As an Entrepreneur 143

Rule 5All Roads Lead to Rome: The Rise and Fall of BethennyBakes 174

Rule 6Go for Yours: The Apprentice, Martha, and Me 201

Rule 7Separate from the Pack: My Life as a Housewife 226


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Contentsviii

Rule 8Own It: Bethenny Getting Married? 253

Rule 9Come Together: My Life Now 276

Rule 10Celebrate!: The Business of Being Happy 311

Acknowledgments 323


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Everythings Your Business 151

Setting Priorities

Decide what you want, and decide what you are will-

ing to exchange for it. Establish your priorities and go

to work.

H. L. Hunt, entrepreneur and oil tycoon

Making everything your business helps you set your priorities as it

helps you do your best. It is particularly helpful when you have to

make a big decision. Should you do something or not? Ask yourself

whether you truly want to do it, and whether you are willing to give

it all youve got. Will it feed into your plan for your life, will it move

you forward, is it in line with your goals and your values and who

you are? Will you enjoy it? Do you think it will be worth your best

effort? If it is, then commit to it fully. If not, then say nobecause

in that case, saying no will be coming from a place of yes.

Heres an example from my life. Recently, to my great surpriseand pleasure, I was asked to be on Skating with the Stars. Ice-

skating! I loved the idea, but my rst thought was that I didnt

have the time. In fact, I thought there was no possible way I could

do it. I was just beginning to lm the second season of my show,

and we lm four to ve days a week. Bravo said there was no way

I could t it inI was still nishing up this book, doing frequent

appearancesit would be impossible. It would be insane. Plus, it

really didnt have anything to do with my career. Would it be a ri-diculous thing to do? I considered all the angles.

I knew it couldnt compromise more important things, like my

family, and Jason would have to be on board with it. The show in-

volved a lot of early-morning practices at the rink. Would that cut

into our important family time? Would I be sacricing time with

Bryn? I knew it would put a lot more pressure and responsibility on

Jason.

On the other hand, I love to skate! I thought it would be fun. I


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A Place of Yes152

thought I could set a good example for Bryn, and for women every-

where. If I could go on a show like that at the age of 40, when I

couldnt even skate down the ramp on the rst day, wouldnt that

inspire women? Wouldnt they see they could do anything, if they

want it enough? I wanted it enough.

Jason was behind me 100 percent. He came from a place of yes,

and said, You can do this. Ill get you through it. He could tell how

much I wanted to do it, and to him, that meant we should make it

work. Someday we could show Bryn the pictures of Mommy skat-

ing in the pretty costumes. It could actually be fun, even a bonding

activity for our family.

I denitely wasnt free from doubts, not to mention perfection-

ist noise. I love to roller-skate, but I hadnt really ice-skated since I

was a kid, except for a few times at Rockefeller Center, maybe every

ve years or so on a date. Could I do it? What if I fell? What if I

made a complete fool of myself? A lot of those skaters took ballet,

and I didnt. Im more athletic and not all that graceful, and ice-

skating is ballet on ice. What if I looked ridiculous? What if, whatif, what if?

But fear is a mindset, and so is the will to succeed. Its all in

how you approach it. Dont think of all the ways you cant do some-

thing. Think of all the ways you can. I could have focused on how

hard this would bemany of the other people on the show are just

doing the show, while Im simultaneously lming my show, writing

my book, managing my business, and at the same time, have a new

husband and a new baby. Add to that commuting from New York toLos Angeles every week. I could focus on how hard it would be.

Or, I could focus on how much I wanted to do it.

It might even be great. I made something great for myself out

of the Real Housewives experience, which could have been a career

killer if Id handled it the wrong way. Also, Im a gambler and I like

to be in on the ground oor of things. If Bravo asked me to join

the Real Housewives franchise today, I would probably say no be-

cause its nothing new anymore. When I said yes to that show


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Everythings Your Business 153

(more about that story in a later chapter), it was the beginning of a

whole new era of television. The same applies to Dancing with the

Stars, which just nished its eleventh season. I could have gone on

that show, but I preferred the idea of doing a Season One, even if

I was taking a risk on a show that might or might not even have a

Season Two.

My agent said, Why dont you wait to see if its a success, and if

it is, you can go on the second season? I thought about that, but its

really not my style.

I also considered that my show is on a specialized cable channel,

but Skating with the Stars is on network television. This would be a

much wider audience, and that alone has a lot of potential in terms

of getting my name and face out there and expanding my business

and my message. It could take me to the next level. (In actuality, it

also almost killed me! But thats the nature of risk.) So I could see

benets for my career. Ultimately, though, that is not why I did it.

My gut said to go for it.

So I said yes.It was the most grueling, difcult, excruciating experience of my

entire life. But once I decided to tackle it, I knew I had to go all the

way with it. When you decide to do something that really stretches

your limits, you have to stand by your decision, not do it begrudg-

ingly or tell everybody youre too tired or its too hard.

Even when it was hard and I was tired and stressed, I couldnt

complain about it because it was my decision and nobody made me

do it.One day, Julie looked at me and said, Heywe did it. She was

right. We were surgically efcient and maximized every minute to

make it happen. I was never late for a rehearsal, and when I was

there, I was totally there, not thinking about what I had to do next.

Jason helped make it happen in every way he could, and I couldnt

have done it without his help. I pushed my limits and embraced

something that wasnt necessarily comfortable. In the end, I prob-

ably never should have done it. Ive never done anything so difcult


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A Place of Yes154

in my life. Everythings my business, but I had no business doing a

show like this. It was just so gruelingsometimes I wanted to crawl

into bed and never come back out. I probably cried every day.

But heres the thing: I said yes, so I honored my commitment,

and I ended up making it to the nals. I improved so dramatically,

it still amazes me. I went from amateur to actually knowing how to

ice-skate. It was a true accomplishment for me.

I learned two important lessons from this experience. One:

know your limits! Women tend to take on too much and spread

themselves too thin. Perfectionist noise! You have to do whats good

for you, girls. You dont have to say yes to everything! Two: When

you do say yes, keep going. No matter how difcult it gets, plowing

through and taking responsibility for what you decided to do can

transform you. It builds character, and it helps you to push yourself

to accomplish what you never dreamed you could.

Although truth be told, if I had to do it over again? I would say,

No, thank you.

Know What You Stand For

A brand is a living entity and it is enriched or under-

mined cumulatively over time, the product of a thou-

sand small gestures.

Michael Eisner, former CEOof the Walt Disney Company

The next important element that can help you understand how to

make everything your business is to really decide what your busi-

ness is. Whether your business is technically a business or not, you

cant make everything your business unless you have a clear vision

of what that means for you. Specically, you need to have a mes-

sage, and you must know what you stand for.


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Want more from Bethenny?Order your copy of A Place of Yestoday!

A PLACE ofYESNew from Bethenny!

Its easy to say no andI cant, to expectthe worst and to doubt yourself. But your lifecan be better than not bad or goodenoughit can be amazing.

In her new book, Bethenny opens upand shares the obstacles she overcame andthe great success she has enjoyed while

discovering how to approach life from APlace of Yes. By putting together Bethennysten rules for pursuing your goals withauthenticity and drive, you too can be moresuccessful, more fulfilled, healthier, andhappier than ever before. Click here to learnmore!

Available wherever books are sold.Visit Bethenny.com for exclusive videos, photos, and more!

And check out Bethenny on Facebook and Twitter.
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A PLACE OF YES by Bethenny Frankel – on Skating with the Stars