ACADEMIC WRITING IClass 9

April 2, 2013

Today

Coherence (transition signals)

Peer feedback for Paper 1

First: A word about Unity

Make sure the paragraph stays on topic.

Every supporting sentence must directly explain or prove the main idea.

Try not to get off topic.

Unity

Example:

If your paragraph is about Roman art, you may mention the influence of Greek art.

However, if you include several sentences on Greek art, you are getting off topic.

Unity• Remember:

• One paragraph = ONE main idea.

• - Topic sentence. All ideas directly support the topic sentence.

• For an essay. All supporting paragraphs should directly support the thesis statement.

Unity• Example:

I live in a flat with my family. We have two bedrooms and a living room. We have a garden and we have some flowers there. In weekdays I arrive home at five o'clock and I have lunch. Then I do my homework and go to bed. I had a computer but now it doesn't work. I have a brother and a sister and I think I am very lucky to live with them. Sometimes our relatives visit us. Our flat becomes very crowded sometimes but I like it.

Unity• What details don’t fit here (are not describing the house)?

I live in a flat with my family. We have two bedrooms and a living room. We have a garden and we have some flowers there. In weekdays I arrive home at five o'clock and I have lunch. Then I do my homework and go to bed. I had a computer but now it doesn't work. I have a brother and a sister and I think I am very lucky to live with them. Sometimes our relatives visit us. Our flat becomes very crowded sometimes but I like it.

Coherence

In writing, the sentences must “hold together”.

- This makes the writing easier to read and understand.

- Sentences should be in a logical order.

- Logical movement from one sentence to the other. Do not “jump” suddenly.

- Each sentence should smoothly flow into the next one.

Coherence – “moving smoothly”

There are three qualities that I need to see in a good

friend. A good friend should not tell lies. I need to trust him

so that I can talk to him. A good friend should be there

when I need him. I should be able to find him near me

when I am in a bad mood or when I have a problem. When

necessary, he should criticize me so that I can change my

undesirable behavior or see where I am wrong. These

three qualities are the basic properties in a good friend

Coherence – “moving smoothly”There are three ideas here (but the writing is confusing).

- This looks like a big list.

A friend must:

1. not tell a lie.

2. be there on a bad day.

3. criticize when necessary.

The ideas are even explained.

Coherence – “moving smoothly”

There are three qualities that I need to see in a good

friend. A good friend should not tell lies. I need to trust him

so that I can talk to him. A good friend should be there

when I need him. I should be able to find him near me

when I am in a bad mood or when I have a problem. When

necessary, he should criticize me so that I can change my

undesirable behavior or see where I am wrong. These

three qualities are the basic properties in a good friend

Coherence – “moving smoothly”

There are three ideas here (but the writing is confusing).

A friend must:

1. not tell a lie.

2. be there on a bad day.

3. criticize when necessary.

WHAT’S MISSING??

Coherence – “moving smoothly”• What’s missing?

• The paragraph “jumps” from idea to idea without any sort of connection.

Coherence – “moving smoothly”

There are three qualities that I need to see in a good

friend. First, a good friend shouldn't tell lies. I need to trust

him so that I can talk to him. Second, a good friend should

be there when I needed him. I should be able to find him

near me when I am in a bad mood or when I have a

problem. Finally, when necessary, he should criticize me so

that I can change my undesirable behavior or see where I

am wrong. I think, these three qualities are the basic

properties in a good friend.

Coherence – “moving smoothly”

There are three qualities that I need to see in a good

friend. First, a good friend shouldn't tell lies. I need to trust

him so that I can talk to him. Second, a good friend should

be there when I needed him. I should be able to find him

near me when I am in a bad mood or when I have a

problem. Finally, when necessary, he should criticize me so

that I can change my undesirable behavior or see where I

am wrong. In summary, these three qualities are the basic

properties in a good friend.

Transition Signals - Examples

Two examples:

- Which one is “smoother”?

1. My friend, Derek, loves to play sports and is very athletic. He has won a scholarship to play basketball at Duke University next year.

2. My friend, Derek, loves to play sports and is very athletic. In fact, he has won a scholarship to play basketball at Duke University next year.

Transition Signals

Traffic signs for writing.

- Transition signals directly tell the reader the logical relationship between one idea and another idea.

Transition Signals

Idea Idea

Transition

Transition Signals - Examples

Derek loves to go swimming in the ocean.

his parents won’t allow him to do that.

;however,

The transition, however, tells the reader that there is a contrast between the two ideas.

Derek loves to go swimming in the ocean; however, his parents won’t allow him to do that.

Transition Signals - Examples

Derek is a great swimmer.

he is very good at scuba diving.

Marcos is a great swimmer ;furthermore, he is very good at scuba diving.

;furthermore,

Transition Signals - Examples

Derek is very athletic. he plays three sports at school.

Derek is very athletic. In fact, he plays three sports at school.

In fact,

Transition Signals - Examples

Derek is very athletic. His brother is not good at sports.

Derek is very athletic. On the other hand, his brother is not good at sports.

On the other hand,

Transition Signals

The previous examples were all within paragraph transition signals.

Transitions are also important between paragraphs.

- This tells the reader the logical relationship between one group of sentences (a paragraph) and another.

Transition Signals – between paragraphs

Essay

Introduction

Body Paragraph 1

Body Paragraph 2: In addition,

Body Paragraph 3: Furthermore,

Conclusion: To sum up,

Transition connects ideas in paragraph 3 to ideas in paragraph 2.

Transition connects ideas in paragraph 2 to ideas in paragraph 1.

Transition Signals – more examplesRelationship Transition

Additional idea Moreover FurthermoreIn additionbesides

Derek loves to hike

;moreover,

;furthermore,

;in addition,

;besides,

he likes to ski.+

Transition Signals – more examples

Relationship TransitionReinforcement/Emphasis Indeed

In fact

Derek plays basketball

;in fact,

;indeed,

he plays every Saturday.

The transition and second clause reemphasize the first clause.

Transition Signals – more examples

Relationship TransitionExemplification For example

For instanceIn particular

Derek enjoys outdoor sports

;for example,

;for instance,

;in particular,

he likes hiking, skiing, and fishing.

The second clause is more specific than the first.

Transition Signals – more examples

Relationship TransitionContrast However On the contrary

In contrast On the other hand

;on the other hand,

;however,

;on the contrary,

;in contrast,

Joe thinks it is an expensive sport.

Derek enjoys scuba diving

Transition Signals – more examples

Relationship TransitionResult or Effect Consequently Accordingly

Thus HenceTherefore As a result

Derek broke his leg

;thus,

;consequently,

;therefore,

;hence,

;as a result,

;accordingly,

he can’t play basketball.

Transition Signals – more examples

Relationship TransitionTime Meanwhile (at the same time)

Subsequently (after)Thereafter (after)

Derek scored a goal ;subsequently,

;thereafter,his team won the game.

after

The study group met every day and worked hard; consequently, they all got…

Erruy has many hobbies; for instance, playing sports…

meanwhile: = at the same time

subsequently: = next, afterwards

Peer Feedback

Friends helping friends.

- Do not attack your partner’swriting.

- Be constructive: Offer advice.

- Do not check grammar (but point out parts you can’t understand).

Source: dcrelief.blogspot.com

Remember

Paper 1 2nd draft due Thursday (11:59 p.m.)

Follow instructions on information sheet.

Email to: kachomework@gmail.com