Adam's Diary

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Title:ExtractsFromAdam'sDiary

Author:MarkTwain(SamuelClemens)

ReleaseDate:September15,2004[EBook#1892]

Language:English

Charactersetencoding:ASCII

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EXTRACTSFROMADAM'SDIARY

TranslatedfromtheoriginalMS.

byMarkTwain

[NOTE.--Itranslatedaportionofthisdiarysomeyearsago,andafriendofmineprintedafewcopiesinanincompleteform,butthepublicnevergotthem.SincethenIhavedecipheredsomemoreofAdam'shieroglyphics,andthinkhehasnowbecomesufficientlyimportantasapubliccharactertojustifythispublication.--M.T.]

Monday

Thisnewcreaturewiththelonghairisagooddealintheway.Itisalwayshangingaroundandfollowingmeabout.Idon'tlikethis;Iamnotusedtocompany.Iwishitwouldstaywiththeotheranimals.Cloudyto-day,windintheeast;thinkweshallhaverain....WheredidIgetthatword?...Iremembernow--thenewcreatureusesit.

Tuesday

Beenexaminingthegreatwaterfall.Itisthefinestthingonthe



estate,Ithink.ThenewcreaturecallsitNiagaraFalls--why,IamsureIdonotknow.SaysitlookslikeNiagaraFalls.Thatisnotareason;itismerewaywardnessandimbecility.Igetnochancetonameanythingmyself.Thenewcreaturenameseverythingthatcomesalong,beforeIcangetinaprotest.Andalwaysthatsamepretextisoffered--itlookslikethething.Thereisthedodo,forinstance.Saysthemomentonelooksatitoneseesataglancethatit"lookslikeadodo."Itwillhavetokeepthatname,nodoubt.Itweariesmetofretaboutit,anditdoesnogood,anyway.Dodo!ItlooksnomorelikeadodothanIdo.

Wednesday

Builtmeashelteragainsttherain,butcouldnothaveittomyselfinpeace.Thenewcreatureintruded.WhenItriedtoputitoutitshedwateroutoftheholesitlookswith,andwipeditawaywiththebackofitspaws,andmadeanoisesuchassomeoftheotheranimalsmakewhentheyareindistress.Iwishitwouldnottalk;itisalwaystalking.Thatsoundslikeacheapflingatthepoorcreature,aslur;butIdonotmeanitso.Ihaveneverheardthehumanvoicebefore,andanynewandstrangesoundintrudingitselfhereuponthesolemnhushofthesedreamingsolitudesoffendsmyearandseemsafalsenote.Andthisnewsoundissoclosetome;itisrightatmyshoulder,rightatmy

ear,firstononesideandthenontheother,andIamusedonlytosoundsthataremoreorlessdistantfromme.

Friday

Thenaminggoesrecklesslyon,inspiteofanythingIcando.Ihadaverygoodnamefortheestate,anditwasmusicalandpretty--GARDEN-OF-EDEN.Privately,Icontinuetocallitthat,butnotanylongerpublicly.Thenewcreaturesaysitisallwoodsandrocksandscenery,andthereforehasnoresemblancetoagarden.Saysitlookslikeapark,anddoesnotlooklikeanythingbutapark.Consequently,withoutconsultingme,ithasbeennew-named--NIAGARAFALLSPARK.Thisissufficientlyhigh-handed,itseemsto

me.Andalreadythereisasignup:

KEEPOFFTHEGRASS

Mylifeisnotashappyasitwas.

Saturday

Thenewcreatureeatstoomuchfruit.Wearegoingtorunshort,mostlikely."We"again--thatisitsword;minetoo,now,fromhearingitsomuch.Gooddealoffogthismorning.Idonotgooutinthefogmyself.Thenewcreaturedoes.Itgoesoutin

allweathers,andstumpsrightinwithitsmuddyfeet.Andtalks.Itusedtobesopleasantandquiethere.

Sunday

Pulledthrough.Thisdayisgettingtobemoreandmoretrying.ItwasselectedandsetapartlastNovemberasadayofrest.Ialreadyhadsixofthemperweek,before.Thismorningfoundthenewcreaturetryingtoclodapplesoutofthatforbiddentree.



Monday

ThenewcreaturesaysitsnameisEve.Thatisallright,Ihavenoobjections.SaysitistocallitbywhenIwantittocome.Isaiditwassuperfluous,then.Thewordevidentlyraisedmeinitsrespect;andindeeditisalarge,goodword,andwillbearrepetition.ItsaysitisnotanIt,itisaShe.Thisisprobablydoubtful;yetitisallonetome;whatsheiswerenothingtomeifshewouldbutgobyherselfandnottalk.

Tuesday

Shehaslitteredthewholeestatewithexecrablenamesandoffensivesigns:

THISWAYTOTHEWHIRLPOOL.

THISWAYTOGOATISLAND.

CAVEOFTHEWINDSTHISWAY.

Shesaysthisparkwouldmakeatidysummerresort,iftherewasanycustomforit.Summerresort--anotherinventionofhers--justwords,withoutanymeaning.Whatisasummerresort?Butitis

bestnottoaskher,shehassucharageforexplaining.

Friday

ShehastakentobeseechingmetostopgoingovertheFalls.Whatharmdoesitdo?Saysitmakeshershudder.Iwonderwhy.Ihavealwaysdoneit--alwayslikedtheplunge,andtheexcitement,andthecoolness.IsupposeditwaswhattheFallswerefor.TheyhavenootherusethatIcansee,andtheymusthavebeenmadeforsomething.Shesaystheywereonlymadeforscenery--liketherhinocerosandthemastodon.

IwentovertheFallsinabarrel--notsatisfactorytoher.Went

overinatub--stillnotsatisfactory.SwamtheWhirlpoolandtheRapidsinafig-leafsuit.Itgotmuchdamaged.Hence,tediouscomplaintsaboutmyextravagance.Iamtoomuchhamperedhere.WhatIneedischangeofscene.

Saturday

IescapedlastTuesdaynight,andtravelledtwodays,andbuiltmeanothershelter,inasecludedplace,andobliteratedmytracksaswellasIcould,butshehuntedmeoutbymeansofabeastwhichshehastamedandcallsawolf,andcamemakingthatpitifulnoiseagain,andsheddingthatwateroutoftheplacesshelookswith.Iwasobligedtoreturnwithher,butwillpresentlyemigrateagain,

whenoccasionoffers.Sheengagesherselfinmanyfoolishthings:amongothers,tryingtostudyoutwhytheanimalscalledlionsandtigersliveongrassandflowers,when,asshesays,thesortofteeththeywearwouldindicatethattheywereintendedtoeateachother.Thisisfoolish,becausetodothatwouldbetokilleachother,andthatwouldintroducewhat,asIunderstandit,iscalled"death;"anddeath,asIhavebeentold,hasnotyetenteredthePark.Whichisapity,onsomeaccounts.

Sunday



Pulledthrough.

Monday

IbelieveIseewhattheweekisfor:itistogivetimetorestupfromthewearinessofSunday.Itseemsagoodidea....Shehasbeenclimbingthattreeagain.Cloddedheroutofit.Shesaidnobodywaslooking.Seemstoconsiderthatasufficientjustificationforchancinganydangerousthing.Toldherthat.Thewordjustificationmovedheradmiration--andenvytoo,Ithought.Itisagoodword.

Thursday

Shetoldmeshewasmadeoutofaribtakenfrommybody.Thisisatleastdoubtful,ifnotmorethanthat.Ihavenotmissedanyrib....Sheisinmuchtroubleaboutthebuzzard;saysgrassdoesnotagreewithit;isafraidshecan'traiseit;thinksitwasintendedtoliveondecayedflesh.Thebuzzardmustgetalongthebestitcanwithwhatisprovided.Wecannotoverturnthewholeschemetoaccommodatethebuzzard.

Saturday

Shefellinthepondyesterday,whenshewaslookingatherselfinit,whichsheisalwaysdoing.Shenearlystrangled,andsaiditwasmostuncomfortable.Thismadehersorryforthecreatureswhichliveinthere,whichshecallsfish,forshecontinuestofastennamesontothingsthatdon'tneedthemanddon'tcomewhentheyarecalledbythem,whichisamatterofnoconsequencetoher,assheissuchanumskullanyway;soshegotalotofthemoutandbroughttheminlastnightandputtheminmybedtokeepwarm,butIhavenoticedthemnowandthenallday,andIdon'tseethattheyareanyhappiertherethantheywerebefore,onlyquieter.WhennightcomesIshallthrowthemout-doors.Iwillnotsleepwiththemagain,forIfindthemclammyandunpleasant

tolieamongwhenapersonhasn'tanythingon.

Sunday

Pulledthrough.

Tuesday

Shehastakenupwithasnakenow.Theotheranimalsareglad,forshewasalwaysexperimentingwiththemandbotheringthem;andIamglad,becausethesnaketalks,andthisenablesmetogetarest.

Friday

Shesaysthesnakeadviseshertotrythefruitofthattree,andsaystheresultwillbeagreatandfineandnobleeducation.Itoldhertherewouldbeanotherresult,too--itwouldintroducedeathintotheworld.Thatwasamistake--ithadbeenbettertokeeptheremarktomyself;itonlygaveheranidea--shecouldsavethesickbuzzard,andfurnishfreshmeattothedespondentlionsandtigers.Iadvisedhertokeepawayfromthetree.Shesaidshewouldn't.Iforeseetrouble.Willemigrate.



Wednesday

Ihavehadavariegatedtime.Iescapedthatnight,androdeahorseallnightasfastashecouldgo,hopingtogetclearoutoftheParkandhideinsomeothercountrybeforethetroubleshouldbegin;butitwasnottobe.Aboutanhouraftersunup,asIwasridingthroughafloweryplainwherethousandsofanimalsweregrazing,slumbering,orplayingwitheachother,accordingtotheirwont,allofasuddentheybrokeintoatempestoffrightfulnoises,andinonemomenttheplainwasinafranticcommotionandeverybeastwasdestroyingitsneighbor.Iknewwhatitmeant--Evehadeatenthatfruit,anddeathwascomeintotheworld....Thetigersatemyhorse,payingnoattentionwhenIorderedthemtodesist,andtheywouldevenhaveeatenmeifIhadstayed--whichIdidn't,butwentawayinmuchhaste....Ifoundthisplace,outsidethePark,andwasfairlycomfortableforafewdays,butshehasfoundmeout.Foundmeout,andhasnamedtheplaceTonawanda--saysitlookslikethat.Infact,Iwasnotsorryshecame,fortherearebutmeagrepickingshere,andshebroughtsomeofthoseapples.Iwasobligedtoeatthem,Iwassohungry.Itwasagainstmyprinciples,butIfindthatprincipleshavenorealforceexceptwhenoneiswellfed....Shecamecurtainedinboughsandbunchesofleaves,andwhenIaskedherwhatshemeant

bysuchnonsense,andsnatchedthemawayandthrewthemdown,shetitteredandblushed.Ihadneverseenapersontitterandblushbefore,andtomeitseemedunbecomingandidiotic.ShesaidIwouldsoonknowhowitwasmyself.Thiswascorrect.HungryasIwas,Ilaiddowntheapplehalfeaten--certainlythebestoneIeversaw,consideringthelatenessoftheseason--andarrayedmyselfinthediscardedboughsandbranches,andthenspoketoherwithsomeseverityandorderedhertogoandgetsomemoreandnotmakesuchaspectacleofherself.Shedidit,andafterthiswecreptdowntowherethewild-beastbattlehadbeen,andcollectedsomeskins,andImadeherpatchtogetheracoupleofsuitsproperforpublicoccasions.Theyareuncomfortable,itistrue,butstylish,andthatisthemainpointaboutclothes....Ifind

sheisagooddealofacompanion.IseeIshouldbelonesomeanddepressedwithouther,nowthatIhavelostmyproperty.Anotherthing,shesaysitisorderedthatweworkforourlivinghereafter.Shewillbeuseful.Iwillsuperintend.

TenDaysLater

Sheaccusesmeofbeingthecauseofourdisaster!Shesays,withapparentsincerityandtruth,thattheSerpentassuredherthattheforbiddenfruitwasnotapples,itwaschestnuts.IsaidIwasinnocent,then,forIhadnoteatenanychestnuts.ShesaidtheSerpentinformedherthat"chestnut"wasafigurativetermmeaninganagedandmouldyjoke.Iturnedpaleatthat,forI

havemademanyjokestopassthewearytime,andsomeofthemcouldhavebeenofthatsort,thoughIhadhonestlysupposedthattheywerenewwhenImadethem.SheaskedmeifIhadmadeonejustatthetimeofthecatastrophe.IwasobligedtoadmitthatIhadmadeonetomyself,thoughnotaloud.Itwasthis.IwasthinkingabouttheFalls,andIsaidtomyself,"Howwonderfulitistoseethatvastbodyofwatertumbledownthere!"Theninaninstantabrightthoughtflashedintomyhead,andIletitfly,saying,"Itwouldbeadealmorewonderfultoseeittumbleupthere!"--andIwasjustabouttokillmyselfwithlaughingatitwhenallnature



brokelooseinwaranddeath,andIhadtofleeformylife."There,"shesaid,withtriumph,"thatisjustit;theSerpentmentionedthatveryjest,andcalledittheFirstChestnut,andsaiditwascoevalwiththecreation."Alas,Iamindeedtoblame.WouldthatIwerenotwitty;oh,wouldthatIhadneverhadthatradiantthought!

NextYear

WehavenameditCain.ShecaughtitwhileIwasupcountrytrappingontheNorthShoreoftheErie;caughtitinthetimberacoupleofmilesfromourdug-out--oritmighthavebeenfour,sheisn'tcertainwhich.Itresemblesusinsomeways,andmaybearelation.Thatiswhatshethinks,butthisisanerror,inmyjudgment.Thedifferenceinsizewarrantstheconclusionthatitisadifferentandnewkindofanimal--afish,perhaps,thoughwhenIputitinthewatertosee,itsank,andsheplungedinandsnatcheditoutbeforetherewasopportunityfortheexperimenttodeterminethematter.Istillthinkitisafish,butsheisindifferentaboutwhatitis,andwillnotletmehaveittotry.Idonotunderstandthis.Thecomingofthecreatureseemstohavechangedherwholenatureandmadeherunreasonableaboutexperiments.Shethinksmoreofitthanshedoesofanyoftheotheranimals,butisnotabletoexplainwhy.Hermindis

disordered--everythingshowsit.Sometimesshecarriesthefishinherarmshalfthenightwhenitcomplainsandwantstogettothewater.Atsuchtimesthewatercomesoutoftheplacesinherfacethatshelooksoutof,andshepatsthefishonthebackandmakessoftsoundswithhermouthtosootheit,andbetrayssorrowandsolicitudeinahundredways.Ihaveneverseenherdolikethiswithanyotherfish,andittroublesmegreatly.Sheusedtocarrytheyoungtigersaroundso,andplaywiththem,beforewelostourproperty;butitwasonlyplay;shenevertookonaboutthemlikethiswhentheirdinnerdisagreedwiththem.

Sunday

Shedoesn'tworkSundays,butliesaroundalltiredout,andlikestohavethefishwallowoverher;andshemakesfoolnoisestoamuseit,andpretendstochewitspaws,andthatmakesitlaugh.Ihavenotseenafishbeforethatcouldlaugh.Thismakesmedoubt....IhavecometolikeSundaymyself.Superintendingalltheweektiresabodyso.ThereoughttobemoreSundays.Intheolddaystheyweretough,butnowtheycomehandy.

Wednesday

Itisn'tafish.Icannotquitemakeoutwhatitis.Itmakescurious,devilishnoiseswhennotsatisfied,andsays"goo-goo"whenitis.Itisnotoneofus,foritdoesn'twalk;itisnot

abird,foritdoesn'tfly;itisnotafrog,foritdoesn'thop;itisnotasnake,foritdoesn'tcrawl;Ifeelsureitisnotafish,thoughIcannotgetachancetofindoutwhetheritcanswimornot.Itmerelyliesaround,andmostlyonitsback,withitsfeetup.Ihavenotseenanyotheranimaldothatbefore.IsaidIbelieveditwasanenigma,butsheonlyadmiredthewordwithoutunderstandingit.Inmyjudgmentitiseitheranenigmaorsomekindofabug.Ifitdies,Iwilltakeitapartandseewhatitsarrangementsare.Ineverhadathingperplexmeso.



ThreeMonthsLater

Theperplexityaugmentsinsteadofdiminishing.Isleepbutlittle.Ithasceasedfromlyingaround,andgoesaboutonitsfourlegsnow.Yetitdiffersfromtheotherfour-leggedanimalsinthatitsfrontlegsareunusuallyshort,consequentlythiscausesthemainpartofitspersontostickupuncomfortablyhighintheair,andthisisnotattractive.Itisbuiltmuchasweare,butitsmethodoftravellingshowsthatitisnotofourbreed.Theshortfrontlegsandlonghindonesindicatethatitisofthekangaroofamily,butitisamarkedvariationofthespecies,sincethetruekangaroohops,whereasthisoneneverdoes.Still,itisacuriousandinterestingvariety,andhasnotbeencataloguedbefore.AsIdiscoveredit,Ihavefeltjustifiedinsecuringthecreditofthediscoverybyattachingmynametoit,andhencehavecalleditKangaroorumAdamiensis....Itmusthavebeenayoungonewhenitcame,forithasgrownexceedinglysince.Itmustbefivetimesasbig,now,asitwasthen,andwhendiscontentedisabletomakefromtwenty-twotothirty-eighttimesthenoiseitmadeatfirst.Coerciondoesnotmodifythis,buthasthecontraryeffect.ForthisreasonIdiscontinuedthesystem.Shereconcilesitbypersuasion,andbygivingitthingswhichshehadpreviouslytolditshewouldn'tgiveit.Asalreadyobserved,Iwasnotathomewhenitfirstcame,andshetoldmeshefounditinthewoods.

Itseemsoddthatitshouldbetheonlyone,yetitmustbeso,forIhavewornmyselfoutthesemanyweekstryingtofindanotheronetoaddtomycollection,andforthisonetoplaywith;forsurelythenitwouldbequieter,andwecouldtameitmoreeasily.ButIfindnone,noranyvestigeofany;andstrangestofall,notracks.Ithastoliveontheground,itcannothelpitself;therefore,howdoesitgetaboutwithoutleavingatrack?Ihavesetadozentraps,buttheydonogood.Icatchallsmallanimalsexceptthatone;animalsthatmerelygointothetrapoutofcuriosity,Ithink,toseewhatthemilkistherefor.Theyneverdrinkit.

ThreeMonthsLater

Thekangaroostillcontinuestogrow,whichisverystrangeandperplexing.Ineverknewonetobesolonggettingitsgrowth.Ithasfuronitsheadnow;notlikekangaroofur,butexactlylikeourhair,exceptthatitismuchfinerandsofter,andinsteadofbeingblackisred.Iamliketolosemymindoverthecapriciousandharassingdevelopmentsofthisunclassifiablezoologicalfreak.IfIcouldcatchanotherone--butthatishopeless;itisanewvariety,andtheonlysample;thisisplain.ButIcaughtatruekangarooandbroughtitin,thinkingthatthisone,beinglonesome,wouldratherhavethatforcompanythanhavenokinatall,oranyanimalitcouldfeelanearnesstoorgetsympathyfrominitsforlornconditionhereamongstrangerswhodonotknowitsways

orhabits,orwhattodotomakeitfeelthatitisamongfriends;butitwasamistake--itwentintosuchfitsatthesightofthekangaroothatIwasconvincedithadneverseenonebefore.Ipitythepoornoisylittleanimal,butthereisnothingIcandotomakeithappy.IfIcouldtameit--butthatisoutofthequestion;themoreItry,theworseIseemtomakeit.Itgrievesmetothehearttoseeitinitslittlestormsofsorrowandpassion.Iwantedtoletitgo,butshewouldn'thearofit.Thatseemedcruelandnotlikeher;andyetshemayberight.Itmightbelonelierthanever;forsinceIcannotfindanotherone,how



couldit?

FiveMonthsLater

Itisnotakangaroo.No,foritsupportsitselfbyholdingtoherfinger,andthusgoesafewstepsonitshindlegs,andthenfallsdown.Itisprobablysomekindofabear;andyetithasnotail--asyet--andnofur,exceptonitshead.Itstillkeepsongrowing--thatisacuriouscircumstance,forbearsgettheirgrowthearlierthanthis.Bearsaredangerous--sinceourcatastrophe--andIshallnotbesatisfiedtohavethisoneprowlingabouttheplacemuchlongerwithoutamuzzleon.Ihaveofferedtogetherakangarooifshewouldletthisonego,butitdidnogood--sheisdeterminedtorunusintoallsortsoffoolishrisks,Ithink.Shewasnotlikethisbeforeshelosthermind.

AFortnightLater

Iexamineditsmouth.Thereisnodangeryet;ithasonlyonetooth.Ithasnotailyet.Itmakesmorenoisenowthaniteverdidbefore--andmainlyatnight.Ihavemovedout.ButIshallgoover,mornings,tobreakfast,andtoseeifithasmoreteeth.Ifitgetsamouthfulofteeth,itwillbetimeforittogo,tailornotail,forabeardoesnotneedatailinordertobe

dangerous.

FourMonthsLater

Ihavebeenoffhuntingandfishingamonth,upintheregionthatshecallsBuffalo;Idon'tknowwhy,unlessitisbecausetherearenotanybuffaloesthere.Meantimethebearhaslearnedtopaddlearoundallbyitselfonitshindlegs,andsays"poppa"and"momma."Itiscertainlyanewspecies.Thisresemblancetowordsmaybepurelyaccidental,ofcourse,andmayhavenopurposeormeaning;buteveninthatcaseitisstillextraordinary,andisathingwhichnootherbearcando.Thisimitationofspeech,takentogetherwithgeneralabsenceoffurandentireabsenceof

tail,sufficientlyindicatesthatthisisanewkindofbear.Thefurtherstudyofitwillbeexceedinglyinteresting.MeantimeIwillgooffonafarexpeditionamongtheforestsoftheNorthandmakeanexhaustivesearch.Theremustcertainlybeanotheronesomewhere,andthisonewillbelessdangerouswhenithascompanyofitsownspecies.Iwillgostraightway;butIwillmuzzlethisonefirst.

ThreeMonthsLater

Ithasbeenaweary,wearyhunt,yetIhavehadnosuccess.Inthemeantime,withoutstirringfromthehomeestate,shehascaughtanotherone!Ineversawsuchluck.Imighthavehunted

thesewoodsahundredyears,Inevershouldhaverunacrossthatthing.

NextDay

Ihavebeencomparingthenewonewiththeoldone,anditisperfectlyplainthattheyarethesamebreed.Iwasgoingtostuffoneofthemformycollection,butsheisprejudicedagainstitforsomereasonorother;soIhaverelinquishedtheidea,thoughIthinkitisamistake.Itwouldbeanirreparablelosstoscience



iftheyshouldgetaway.Theoldoneistamerthanitwas,andcanlaughandtalkliketheparrot,havinglearnedthis,nodoubt,frombeingwiththeparrotsomuch,andhavingtheimitativefacultyinahighlydevelopeddegree.Ishallbeastonishedifitturnsouttobeanewkindofparrot,andyetIoughtnottobeastonished,forithasalreadybeeneverythingelseitcouldthinkof,sincethosefirstdayswhenitwasafish.Thenewoneisasuglynowastheoldonewasatfirst;hasthesamesulphur-and-raw-meatcomplexionandthesamesingularheadwithoutanyfuronit.ShecallsitAbel.

TenYearsLater

Theyareboys;wefounditoutlongago.Itwastheircominginthatsmall,immatureshapethatpuzzledus;wewerenotusedtoit.Therearesomegirlsnow.Abelisagoodboy,butifCainhadstayedabearitwouldhaveimprovedhim.Afteralltheseyears,IseethatIwasmistakenaboutEveinthebeginning;itisbettertoliveoutsidetheGardenwithherthaninsideitwithouther.AtfirstIthoughtshetalkedtoomuch;butnowIshouldbesorrytohavethatvoicefallsilentandpassoutofmylife.Blessedbethechestnutthatbroughtusneartogetherandtaughtmetoknowthegoodnessofherheartandthesweetnessofherspirit!

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Adam's Diary