Or perhaps the new responsibility you’ve taken on is caring foran elderly parent. Now you’re shuttling between your homeand your parent’s – how many times a week? – to providemeals, drop off groceries, ensure meds are taken properly, oreven to figure out why the T.V. remote control has suddenlystopped working.

Or maybe your parent has moved in with you, which will saveyou all that shuttling about, but your home life and routineshave been disrupted. You may have to free up a bedroom, addliving space to your home, or renovate a bathroom to accom-modate your parent’s needs. Your parent may need ongoingand escalating medical attention and help with personal care.And you may no longer be able to do spontaneous things likemeet friends for dinner or take a weekend getaway withoutadvance planning and help from others.

Just when you thought your life couldn’t get more complicated,it did.

Some helpful tips“We can’t change your predicament, but we can make somesuggestions that may help reduce stress and make your life alittle easier,” says Joseph Dileo, a Special Care Planner with TheBuffalo Agency (www.thebuffaloagency.com) in Buffalo, NewYork, a general agency of Massachusetts Mutual Life InsuranceCompany (MassMutual). “Here are some general tips.”

Information of interest topeople with disabilities and other special needsand their families.

Let’s say you have a child with special needs.Your daily routine is jam-packed withresponsibilities, and now your spouse sustainsan incapacitating illness or injury. Not only doyou have to provide care for another person,but you also must take on the chores yourspouse had handled – housecleaning orcooking, getting the kids to soccer practice ordance classes, taking out the garbage,running errands, grocery shopping, takingcare of the pets. The list goes on and on, andif you work, the challenge is even greater.

• If you can afford it, consider hiring ahouse cleaner, lawn service, personalcare assistant, or other serviceproviders that relieve you of someduties and give you more time forother things that now call for yourattention.

• Check your state government’s website (and other organizations’sites) for programs that may help.Make calls for info, even if you thinka program isn’t for you or you would-n’t qualify for it. You might be makingwrong assumptions, and sometimesthe person you chat with will knowabout another program or servicethan could benefit your family.

• Consider products that might helpmake life easier or less stressful – anautomatic pill dispenser; an emergencycall button; a clock that shows thetime, date, and day of the week; clothing with Velcro closures. Searchthe Internet for sites that offer productsyou might need. You may find thingsyou didn’t know existed, which couldmake a big difference in your daily life.

• When friends and family memberstell you to let them know if they canhelp in any way, don’t let it go as politeconversation. Ask them if they’re serious, and what level of assistancethey might be able to provide. Have alist of tasks ready that you can reviewwith them – bringing an elderly parent to appointments for routinelab work, filling the pill dispenser, visiting once a week so you can getout to run errands or do groceryshopping. Or maybe they can helpwith a one-time errand, such as picking up records from the hospital’s radiology department for an upcomingdoctor’s appointment. When theychoose their chore, they’re more likely to pitch in often.

Additional Care-Giving ResponsibilitiesWhen You Already Care for Someone with Special Needs

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• Using a pharmacy that provides delivery or ordering prescriptions through your insurance company’s mail orderservice, if offered, saves trips to the pharmacy. And fillingprescriptions for three months at a time could save youmoney.

• If you have children you drop off and pick up at school,consider carpooling with other parents so it’s no longer adaily chore. Or better yet, offer to pay for gas in lieu of yourturn at chauffeuring to free up even more time.

• Local senior centers sometimes have items (wheelchairs,walkers, canes, toilet seat risers, etc.) to loan. And manyorganizations have internal advocates who can help you,and who can use their network and reference sources to putyou in touch with others who can help.

Financial measures to consider“Regarding finances, the first thing I would recommend,”Dileo says, “is to evaluate who’s the most capable of handlingthe financial affairs of the person now under your care. Areyou truly the best suited for managing the finances, or couldyou benefit by having someone else – a sibling, another relative, or even a paid professional, such as a trust officer –take on that task?”

Dileo suggests you next check for up-to-date documents: awill, a power of attorney, a health care proxy, trusts, and soforth. Also look for assets such as life insurance policies,retirement plans, pension plans, bank accounts, and proofs ofproperty ownership (homes, cars, boats, recreational vehicles, etc.).

“Once you have this information,” Dileo explains, “arrange fora roundtable discussion with the person’s banker, CPA, attor-ney, and other financial team members, as well as your ownfinancial team. Otherwise, you may find yourself running fromone specialist to another, which could be time consuming andconfusing.” This is when you most need an advocate, whenyou should use your financial team to sort things out. “Allowus to be sure that you, the primary caregiver, are in the rightposition to do what needs to be done. Not only will you bettermanage the finances, but it could help you avoid fracturedpersonal relationships at this time of significant lifestylechange and increased stress.”

Here are some things your team might recommend.• Add your name to the person’s bank account to make billpaying and day-to-day purchases easier.

• Complete simple paperwork to become the person’s healthcare proxy. Otherwise privacy laws may prevent you fromobtaining information or making health care decisions foryour loved one.

• Create a comprehensive financialstrategy that incorporates the entirefamily’s well being.

• Become the person’s legal guardian orobtain power of attorney.

• If the person you’re now caring formeets tax law criteria for eligibility,claim him or her as a dependent onyour tax return.

• Research eligibility for federal, state,and local programs and services, suchas food stamps, meals on wheels, fuelassistance, Medicaid, Social Securitydisability programs, home healthaides, visiting nurse assistance, house-keeping, and more.

• Find out what local organizations andfoundations – Goodwill, SalvationArmy, United Way, senior servicesassociations, and other human servicesagencies – might offer (through grantsor other funds they’ve received) to helppay for wheelchair ramps, assistiveequipment, or other needs.

Dileo knows the financial and emotion-al strain families such as yours endure.“My wife’s parents cared for a daughterwith special needs. And not long afterthey retired, they began taking care ofour family’s matriarch, my wife’s grand-mother. Her Alzheimer’s disease wasdebilitating for all of us. There’s so muchmore to adjust to than what a familyfirst believes. So it’s good to have professionals to rely on,” he explains.“They care for the caregiver.”

Joseph Dileo can be reached at TheBuffalo Agency, 300 Corporate Parkway,Suite 216N, Amherst, New York, (877)852-1321 (toll free), jdileo@financial-guide.com.

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* The Special Care Planner receives advanced training and information in estate and tax planningconcepts, special needs trusts, governmentprograms, and the emotional dynamics of workingwith people with disabilities and other special needsand their families. The certificate program is offeredby The American College in Bryn Mawr, PA,exclusively for MassMutual financial professionals.State insurance departments recognize that theSpecial Care Planner certificate program providesessential information on the profession of specialcare by granting continuing education (CE) credits(varies by state).

A Special Care Planner through MassMutual’sSpecialCareSM program can assist parents in draftingLetters of Intent and can help make a difference in thequality of life for an individual with special needs,their caregiver and other family members. ThroughSpecialCare you will learn valuable financial strategies,identify financial strategy solutions, access vital information, and meet certified specialists who willwork with you and your professional advisors – yourbanker, accountant or financial planner, lawyer, socialworkers and health care providers – to review yourfinancial picture and offer options to fit the needs ofeach situation. For more details, visit MassMutual’swebsite at http://www.MassMutual.com/specialcare, or call 1-(800)-272-2216.

About MassMutualMassMutual Financial Group is the marketing namefor Massachusetts Mutual Life Insurance Company(MassMutual) and its affiliated companies and salesrepresentatives. Assets under management includeassets and certain external investment fundsmanaged by MassMutual's subsidiaries.

Founded in 1851, MassMutual is a mutually ownedfinancial protection, accumulation and income management company headquartered in Springfield,Mass. MassMutual’s major affiliates include:OppenheimerFunds, Inc.; Babson CapitalManagement LLC; Baring Asset ManagementLimited; Cornerstone Real Estate Advisers LLC; MMLInvestors Services, Inc., member FINRA and SiPC(www.finra.org and www.sipc.org), MassMutualInternational LLC and The MassMutual TrustCompany, FSB. MassMutual is on the Internet atwww.massmutual.com.

The information provided is not written or intendedas tax or legal advice and may not be relied on forpurposes of avoiding any Federal tax penalties.MassMutual, its employees and representatives arenot authorized to give tax or legal advice. Individualsare encouraged to seek advice from their own tax orlegal counsel. Individuals involved in the estateplanning process should work with an estateplanning team, including their own personal legalor tax counsel.

MassMutual has carried the Exceptional Parent (EP)Symbol of Excellence since receiving it in 2004 inrecognition of its commitment and service to peoplewith disabilities and other special needs and their families.

Massachusetts Mutual Life Insurance Company, Springfield, MA. www.massmutual.com. MassMutual Financial Group is a marketing name forMassachusetts Mutual Life Insurance Company (MassMutual) and its affiliated companies and sales representatives.

Reprinted with the expressed consent and approval of Exceptional Parent, a monthly magazine for families and professionals dealing with individuals with disabilities and special health care needs.Digital Subscription cost is $19.95 per year for 12 issues. Call (800) 372-7368. Offices at 416 Main Street, Johnstown, PA 15901 ©2010

Massachusetts Mutual Life Insurance Company and affiliates, Springfield, MA 01111-0001 www.massmutual.com

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