Advanced Communication Skills:Was it something I said?

Networking

• Mental attitude• Confidence (body

language, voice, words)

• Communication (ask, listen, get, give)

• Good judgement• Follow up

Objectives

• Build rapport in social/professional situations

• Deliver your message with enthusiasm, sincerity and clarity

• Improve your skills in communicating persuasively

• Give and receive criticism constructively• Know when and how to use different

strategies for handling conflict

Persuasiveness

What is persuasive communication?

X

Verbal

Vocal

Visual

It’s not about position

It’s not about using force

So why do people WILLINGLY do what you want?

Because they..

•know you

•like you

•respect you

•admire you

and because they…

• trust you

• owe you

• can see how it will benefit them

• want to fit in with the majority

and because you….

• come across as competent/expert

• express clearly and succinctly what you want/need

• make it easy for them

The persuasive mindset

Self-Control

Clear goal

CollaborativeCompassionate

Curious

Courageous

Committed

Plan• What do I know about person?• How can I hook them?• What do I really want?• What are my key points?• How can I bring them to life?• What objections are likely?• What’s my back up option?• What will make it easy for them

to agree?• What will I do if we can’t agree?

3As model of communicationPlan

90 second focus

Explore both stories

Mutual understanding

Generate options

Agreed action plan

accuracy

agreement

action

goodwill creativity

commitment

Make it two way!

Visual impact

• Eye contact• Angle• Hands• Posture• Facial animation• Clothes

Vocal impact

volume

Pace

Ar-tic-ul-at-ion

Pitch

Planning corrective feedbackMindset: desire to help, not hurt

How much is helpful?

Think what it says about you

Time it close to the event

Giving corrective feedback

Ask rather than tell Avoid emotion-laden words

Be specific Supportive, open body language

Be future oriented Ensure degree of agreement

Beware assumptions Suggest specific improvements

Focus on behaviour, not personality

Handling aggressionVerbal strategies• Even, warm tone of

voice• Communicate clearly

and concisely• Listen• Don’t ignore questions• Apologise if in error• Show you’re keen to

find a solution• Don’t take it personally

Handling aggression

Non-verbal strategies

•Open position

•Calm gestures

•Watch personal space

•Both sit down

•Don’t appear hurried

Kubler-Ross curve

Shock

Denial

Frustration

Depression

Experiments

Acceptance

Decisions

Integration

Handling criticism

• When do you respond positively to criticism?

• When do you respond negatively?

• What makes the difference?

• What could you do better?

Handling criticism• Emotional self-control• Roll with the punch• Hold back & ask

questions• Repeat back • Consider whether

justified • Avoid counter-attack• Show you value feedback

• Ask for time• Act on it!

Causes of conflictRespondents’ (%) rating as a most important source of conflict at work

Average

Personality clashes and warring egos 44Poor leadership from the top 30Poor line management 29Poor performance management 21Heavy workload/inadequate resources 14Bullying/harassment 13Lack of openness and honesty 12Lack of clarity about accountability/ownership 12Lack of role clarity 11Clash of values 10Stress 10Taboo topics 9Perceived discrimination 7Poor selection of/pairing of teams 7

Self-talk in conflict

It’ll sort itself out.

I daren’t sayanything. Itmight all blowup in my face.

At least I can letoff steam on thesquash court later.

Right, she’s had itnow. I’m going tomake her life a misery.

I’ll call Liz. Maybewe can go for aquick coffee and Ican get it off mychest.

Right, now she’shad it. I’m going tomake her life a misery.

How not to manage conflict

TensionMistrustAnxietyFatigue

Self-preservationLow morale

Behind the scenes manipulationManoeuvring for positionGet you later gamesSarcastic jokesEmotional blackmailConcealing/giving false informationDefensivenessOffice politicsGossipingBullying

Dysfunctional communicationPoor decision makingLower performance STAGNATION

Approaches to conflict

Accommodate

Avoid Compete

Collaborate

Compromise

Low High

High

Low

Importance of issue

Importanceofrelationship

Competing: how it soundsPatronise‘Calm down’‘I think you’ll find…’‘It was clearly stated….’

Clichés

‘I hear what you’re saying,…..but…’ ‘I understand your position.’‘With all due respect,…’

Judge‘You’re over-reacting/being unreasonable.’‘That’s just typical of a man/techy/you’

Impose solutions‘What you need to do is ….’‘The best way forward is to..’

Trap‘Surely you must admit that…’‘You’re not suggesting that …?’‘Isn’t it obvious that…?

Avoid concerns‘That’s not the point.’‘I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about.’ ‘What do you expect me to do about it?‘Don’t be ridiculous.’

Give negative message‘… not possible’‘….not our policy’‘ can’t do that’

Be defensive‘ Look, it’s not my fault.’‘But I wasn’t informed of that.’‘That’s not true.’

Have the last word‘Anyway it’s done now, so there’s nothing more

to discuss.’

How to manage conflict

Honest, direct communicationJoint problem solvingSharing informationCreative energyMutual respectAssertiveness

TrustMotivationCalmnessEnergy

Collaborative effortCommitment

Effective decision makingImproved performance

GROWTH

Stages of development of conflict