Common Concerns and Support Common Concerns and Support for Firstfor First

Year and Other Students Year and Other Students

Gary Margolis Ph.D.Gary Margolis Ph.D.

Executive Director, Center for Counseling and Executive Director, Center for Counseling and Human Relations,Human Relations,

Associate Professor, English and American Associate Professor, English and American LiteraturesLiteratures

COLLEGECOLLEGEoriginally meant a place we go to originally meant a place we go to

experience our place in the experience our place in the universe and thus to find wisdomuniverse and thus to find wisdom

ADVENTUREthe capacity to go beyond the given

“And then the time came when the risk of remaining tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”-Mary Oliver

Common ConcernsThe First Six Weeks of School

for First Year Students:7. Will people be ok at home

when I’m away at college?

8. What if I hate it at the college of my choice?

9. How can I manage my time with everything Ihave/want to do?

10. Where can I be private here?

11. Will the new adults here “see” and understand me?

1. What am I feeling beingaway from home, the familiar?

2. How am I going to do here?

3. Who do I like?

4. Who will like me?

5. How do I live with this person not of my choosing?

6. What do I do with the freedom to make my own decisions?

Common ConcernsCommon Concernsof First Year Parentsof First Year Parents

1. Did my son/daughter (we) 1. Did my son/daughter (we) make the right choice?make the right choice?

2. How will their old strengths 2. How will their old strengths and vulnerabilities continue and and vulnerabilities continue and change in collegechange in college

3. What does “letting go” mean 3. What does “letting go” mean emotionally and practically?emotionally and practically?

4. How much contact should 4. How much contact should we have (phone, e-mail, visits)?we have (phone, e-mail, visits)?

5. How will they do without 5. How will they do without me/us?me/us?

6. How will I/we do without 6. How will I/we do without them?them?

7. What should I expect the first 7. What should I expect the first week, months, and then during week, months, and then during vacations?vacations?

8. What should I expect in 8. What should I expect in communication from their communication from their college?college?

9. What are some warning signs, 9. What are some warning signs, questions to ask to and ways to questions to ask to and ways to intervene if necessary.intervene if necessary.

10. What if I want to trade places 10. What if I want to trade places with my daughter or son?with my daughter or son?

““Today’s Student” VideoToday’s Student” Video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dGCJ46vyR9o

Walking First YearsWalking First Yearsto the Frost Cabinto the Frost Cabin

It's my job to take you—three Judy'sIt's my job to take you—three Judy'sand the more-than-I-can-count Jasons--and the more-than-I-can-count Jasons--

up this dirt road to the Homer Noble farmup this dirt road to the Homer Noble farmand beyond to his cabin. Another classand beyond to his cabin. Another class

of first years newly arrived and this our school'sof first years newly arrived and this our school'sway of saying Now you're here,way of saying Now you're here,

dropped off from the couplets of your dropped off from the couplets of your parents and their lovely unpacking parents and their lovely unpacking worry. I know it will be hard to hearworry. I know it will be hard to hear

those lines you have heard in high schoolthose lines you have heard in high schooland could recite under your soon-to-be-and could recite under your soon-to-be-cried tears. Don't worry. I will say themcried tears. Don't worry. I will say them

twice, because memory can keeptwice, because memory can keepwhat you need and later play it backwhat you need and later play it back

to you. I've brought a recording of his to you. I've brought a recording of his voice and ask you to listen in ordervoice and ask you to listen in orderto think he is here, giving the gone-to think he is here, giving the gone-

by hay and rusty apples their first lifeby hay and rusty apples their first lifeagain, this time in the uncanny pastagain, this time in the uncanny past

of a poem. Before they left, your fathersof a poem. Before they left, your fathersand mothers said Write and call.and mothers said Write and call.

That's why we've taken this walk,That's why we've taken this walk,so you will have something to tell themso you will have something to tell themwhen they ask, when each of you realizewhen they ask, when each of you realizewhat this day has come to, that you werewhat this day has come to, that you were

here and they have driven themselves home.here and they have driven themselves home.

Consider

Consider yourselfConsider yourselfThe way you would the wind.The way you would the wind.Allow sun to approach you,Allow sun to approach you,So the rain can follow.So the rain can follow.This will include caring for thingsThis will include caring for thingsInside of things.Inside of things.Let some blossoms supposeLet some blossoms supposeThey are playing into your hands.They are playing into your hands.As a rule stones will sing,As a rule stones will sing,Give what you can,Give what you can,What there is to give,What there is to give,What you have been given.What you have been given.