Contra Costa SELPA

Alternative Dispute Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR)Resolution (ADR)

Preparation And Training

Day TwoDay Two

2

Reflections

3

Reflections

• What creates stress in the IEP process?

• What emotional reality does the parent deal with on a daily basis?

• How does the IEP process increase or decrease the emotions the parent brings to the meeting?

• What is the relationship between the stress and grieving states that are brought to the IEP process?

4

Working With States Of Behavior

5

Working With States Of Behavior

• Stress

• Relaxation

• Recognizing Grief

Don’t Don’t Surrender Surrender To Stress!To Stress!

6

STRESS

That Confusion Created That Confusion Created

When the Mind When the Mind

Overrides the Body’s Desire Overrides the Body’s Desire

to Choke the Living #@$% to Choke the Living #@$%

Out of Some *?#$%# Out of Some *?#$%#

Who Desperately Needs It!Who Desperately Needs It!

7

Once the immediate threat is gone, you let go.

You feel weak and tired as the stress hormones begin to recede, and you body eventually returns

to its normal state of equilibrium.

STRESS

STRESSOR (Threat)

Perceived by

BRAIN

Which activates

ADRENAL GLANDS

Which releases adrenaline-related hormones

Into

BLOODSTREAM

8

What a monster of a day I’ve had ! ! !

9

Nothing can ruin my day ! ! !

10

Relaxation

• Sit up in your chair• Feet relaxed and flat to the floor• Back straight against the chair• Shoulders pulled back• Head centered over your body• No parts of your body should be crossed• Close your eyes• Focus on your breathing

11

It Is Up To You …

PRESSURE VS PATIENCEPRESSURE VS PATIENCE

STRESS VS POISESTRESS VS POISE

INTIMIDATION VS CONFIDENCEINTIMIDATION VS CONFIDENCE

ToleranceTolerance

12

Recognizing Grief

How do parents feel when they get the news about their child’s disability/disabilities?

The reaction can by compared to the states of the grieving process.

13

Symptoms Associated with a Loss of Expectation

• Disbelief

• Over-sensitivity

• Fantasy about situation

• Frustration

• Blaming

• Anger

• Need for relief

• Nervousness

• Depression

• Guilt

• Hopelessness

• Restlessness

14

Positive Outcomes of States of Grief

• Denial: Provides a chance to put support system into place; a chance to rest emotionally

• Anxiety: Is a time to get things done

• Anger: When facilitated, can be an opportunity to examine the fear or other underlying feelings

• Fear: When expressed, lessens the feeling of isolation

• Guilt: Provides an opportunity to work through the experience

• Depression: Normal response; is a chance to slow down/regroup

• Isolation: Motivation to link with others & move towards healing

• Attachment: Identifying new dreams and direction in life!

• Empowerment: Healing sense of growth, feeling capable, competent, and confident in the ability to adapt

15

How Can We Help The Parents And Students?

• Know the facts regarding their child

• Let parents talk about the situation and their grief

• Provide information about the disability

• Help parents find support groups

• Help parents identify feelings and concerns

• Encourage confidence

• Identify counseling resources

• Explore possibilities

And remember to deal with your own issues!

16

Guidelines For Sharing Grief

1. Always be aware of the dynamics of grieving; it is easy to forget the process of grief when faced with intense emotion.

2. Review your own personal strengths and weaknesses around grieving past significant losses of your own.

3. Clarify and practice focusing on the differences between a feeling and an action. Many actions can be immoral, illegal, unethical, insensitive and inhumane; feelings are part of being human, crucial to dealing with loss and, therefore, should not be judged or criticized.

17

Guidelines For Sharing Grief

4. Try to avoid answering direct questions that are of a general or predictive nature, because parents are usually more interested in having their concerns heard than in getting answers.

5. Try to remember you are not totally responsible for correcting the child’s disability, nor for the trauma that the disability brings to the family. Limit your concerns to the areas that fall within your professional role.

18

Guidelines For Sharing Grief

6. Try to separate the factual statements from the feeling statements that are both received and sent by you. It helps to maintain consistency in the types of communication between parents and school people.

7. During all your interactions do not ignore or abandon your professional convictions, recommendations or program guidelines; the direct educational services offered to the child are always the first priority.

19

Working With Parents and Staff

20

Presenting Yourself

First Impressions Happen Only Once!

• Mind• Face• Body• Voice

21

Manage Day To Day Communication1. Enlighten

2. Explain

3. Converse

4. Talk

5. Speak Calmly

6. Be Positive

7. Be Friendly

8. Be Confident

22

Recognize The Internal & External Forces Which Color

Our Response To Conflict

• Responding is a product of our•Cultural View …•Personal View …•Perceptual View of who we are

defending

• The education process creates external forces (Nation, State, Community, Parent)

• Schools create internal forces (Students, Teachers, Administrators)

23

Handling Complaints

One: Listen to the complaint

Two: Repeat and acknowledge

Three: Apologize if appropriate or express regret

Four: Acknowledge the person’s feelings

Five: Explain what action you will take

Six: Thank the person for the communication

24

Emotional Outcomes Of Communication Failure

• Trust is lost as communication breaks down. Moves toward “polite” conversation that is edged with bitterness.

• Parties start looking for evidence that they are right …. Selective Attention.

• Because of above, the issue moves to Self-fulfilling Prophecy Mode. Then you get what you expect.

25

What Makes a Parent Angry??

• Failure to communicate

• Defensiveness

• Stonewalling and Do-Nothingness

• Overreacting

• Stereotyping

• Breaking Promises

• Lingo Mania

• Unwillingness to Apologize and Admit Mistakes

26

Prevent The Angry Parent Syndrome

• Set an example of Parent/Educator collaboration• Model high expectations for all students,

educators, and parents• Insist that administrators and teachers keep up

to date on research, best practices, educational programming, and legal issues

• Become actively involved in resolving conflicts before they get out of hand

• Establish guidelines for content, process, and conduct at the outset. Keep the focus.

27

Build A Reservoir Of Trust And Good Faith

• Prepare well for meetings

• Help parent feel you are personally looking after their child

• Constantly remind parents of the reasons for confidentiality

• Treat parents fairly and be consistent.

28

Education Is A Team Sport

• There is just one side: The Student’s• Use and respect parents’ opinions• Treat parents as equal participants• Explain how the district’s position relates to

improved outcomes for the student• Understand the difference between a position

and an interest• Learn how to disagree respectfully• Respond promptly to parent calls• Keep promises and explain delays

29

Positive Strategies• Be truly welcoming• Think about seating arrangements• Set agenda and time limits at the outset• Listen and ask questions• Welcome constructive criticism and apologize when

appropriate• Redirect the conversation to keep it on track• Take your time• Focus on interests, not positions, problems, or personalities• When possible, give options to parents• Lower the volume of your voice

31

Managing Conflict Communications

1. Talk directly to the individual or direct others to the individual “Have you talked to…?”

2. Schedule a meeting with the individual

3. Acknowledge with the individual that there is a conflict

4. Use “I” statements to avoid accusations and make sure the other person uses “I” statements too. “I feel ….”

5. Repeat what you are being told – Confirm what you hear

6. State what each of you want as an outcome

7. Agree to work toward a resolution and follow-up on problem solving

33

Study The Problem …

• Use Good Listening Techniques(Do More Listening Than Talking)

• See The Total Situation

• Ask Questions To Know The Meaning Of Words

• Gather Information From Other Sources

• Sincerely Consider Proposals

34

Stay Focused – Remember “The Golden Rule”

• Remember your purpose

• De-personalize language directed at you

• You don’t need to defend

• Bring the elephant into the room

• Seek first to understand

• Demonstrate integrity and respect

• Remain child focused

35

Working With Staff And Parents

• Be Professional

• Use The Chain Of Command

• Make Personal Connections

• Use Power Appropriately

• Empower Others With Your Knowledge And Skill

• Recognize Roles And Responsibilities

37

What characteristics would

you like in an ideal parent?

38

Ideally The Parent Would …

• Be knowledgeable, seek expertise, and share information about their child’s disability

• Be open to the expertise of professionals

• Keep and share medical and educational history

• Dutifully attend meetings

• Review all reports and information prior to the meeting

• Prepare and contribute statements about expectations, goals, and concerns

• Suggest options for intervention

• Participate at home and at school in supporting the child and implementing interventions

39

Every parent wants to be an ideal parent for their child.

Every educator wants to be an ideal advocate for their students.

40

Working With Cultural Differences

• Cultural Diversity

• Equality

• Anger

41

Cultural Diversity

Looking at differences between groups of people, and valuing, celebrating

these differences

United States Of America

? Melting Pot or Mosaic ?

42

Differences That Could Become Barriers

• Language Differences• Mistrust of

“Outsiders”• Orientation to Time• Definition of “Family”• Dealing With the

Unknown• Previous Experience

and Relationship With Agencies, Groups, Government

• Outreach, Assistance in Eliminating Barriers to Help

• Role of Other Helpers: Religious, Personal, Family, Friends

• Value Systems Regarding “Asking for Help”

43

Characteristics Of Equality

• Mutual Respect

• Mutual Trust

• Mutual Concern and Caring

• Empathy

• A Desire to Listen to One Another

• Commitment to Cooperation and Equal Participation in Resolving Conflicts

• Sharing of Thoughts and Feelings Rather Than Hiding Them

• Mutual Commitment to Common Goals With Freedom to Pursue Independent Goals

• Support for and Acceptance of One Another As Imperfect People in the Process of Growing

44

Sources Of Communication Differences

• Words• Tone• Rapidity of Speech

and Directness of Exchange

• Silence• Laughter• Facial Expressions and

Eye Contact

• The Face

• Gestures

• Touch

• Dress

• Spatial Relationships

• Informal Rules

45

Roadblocks To Communication

• Judging

• Preaching

• Praising

• Reassuring

• Criticizing

• Blaming

• Ridiculing

• Diagnosing

• Humoring

• Interrogating

• Instructing

• Disagreeing

46

Anger

In the mainstream dominant culture, expression of anger is not an acceptable norm. We are not supposed to get angry.

Anger is one of the scariest emotions for men and women to express. Usually anger is expressed by:

• Holding Anger In• Flying Off the Handle• Displacing Anger

48

Techniques For Dealing With Anger

• Gather yourself

• Own the anger

• Diagnose the threat

• Clearly state your feelings

• Acknowledge the other’s feelings

• Acknowledge your own feelings

• Clarify and diagnose

• Negotiate the relationship

49

Diffusing Anger

1. Restate/reframe what the person says she/he is angry about

2. Ask what specifically about this situation makes the person angry

3. Agreeing with a person’s right to feel angry4. Acknowledging the anger in the tone of the

person’s statements even if she/he does not say she’s/he’s angry

5. Gestures and body use to diffuse and/or contain anger

6. Last resort statements

50

How To Handle Your Own Anger

• Recognize the Anger (Internally)

• Identify the Anger – Label It

• Don’t make it worse

• Take the time necessary

• Figure it out

• Set limits

Frame It

Claim It

Tame It

51

Small Groups Working With Cultural

Differences

How were you raised to deal with…?

• Conflict

• Stress

• Anger

• Other

52

Working Together

Collaboration Is …• A voluntary relationship• A joint responsibility• An attempt to reach consensus and

commitment• A learning experience• An ongoing relationship

53

Collaboration

Self-Assessment

54

Qualities Of A Collaborator

1. Is self-confident...about interpersonal skills...about competence in his or her own discipline.

2. Values self-awareness and growth as a continuous process.

3. Is open to other perspectives...other disciplines...other cultures...other personalities...other ways of achieving a goal.

4. Has a clear set of values and is assertive in expressing them.

5. Is self-directed or interdependent, as appropriate.

6. Has a systems perspective on the family, the community, and society...and sees self as part of these.

55

Qualities Of A Collaborator

7. Is able to tolerate ambiguous situations.

8. Is flexible.

9. Is able to negotiate in conflict situations.

10. Has good observation skills...concerning both self and others.

11. Has good helping and communication skills.

12. Understands group processes and dynamics.

56

Working Together

57

Standards Of Neutral Conduct For Staff

FivePersonal Performance Criteria

58

Standards

1. Believe in self determination by the parties

2. Be impartial

3. Identify and avoid any potential conflict of interest

4. Maintain confidentiality

5. Continuously improve your qualifications

59

1. Self-Determination By The Parties

• Fundamental principle of process

• Relies on the ability of the parties to reach a voluntary, uncoerced agreement

• Any party may withdraw from process at any time

• The role is to facilitate a voluntary resolution of a dispute

60

2. Impartiality

• Must remain impartial and evenhanded

• Must avoid appearance of partiality

• Must guard against bias

• Must depend on process not personal knowledge, expertise, and experience

• Must be committed to self-determination by the parties

61

3. Conflict of Interest

• A dealing or relationship that might create an impression of possible bias

• Disclose all actual and potential conflicts of interest reasonably known

• Includes conduct before, during, and after

• All parties must agree to continue after being informed

• Raises legitimate questions about the integrity of the process

62

4. Confidentiality

• Shall not disclose any matter that either party expects will remain confidential unless given permission by all parties or unless required by law or other public policy

• A “third” party to the written agreement for confidentiality

• Does not limit or prohibit the monitoring, research, or evaluation of process

63

5. Qualified

• Training

• Experience

• Competency

• Vested in Process

64

Quality Of Performance

• Fair

• Diligent

• Nurturing mutual respect

• Structuring procedural fairness

• Sharing of information

• Encouraging participation

• Committed to the activity

65

Must Withdraw When …

•Incapable of serving•Unable to remain impartial•Process being used to further illegal conduct•A party is unable to participate due to drug, alcohol, or other physical or mental incapacity•Their behavior is guided by an unreasonable desire for a settlement or other factors that you can not tolerate

Re-direct the Individual or Assign the Case to another who can remain impartial,

neutral, unbiased, etc.

66

Site Reflections

How

do we

re-direct

when

these

difficulties

arise?

67

Be Proactive!!!

1. Return phone calls

2. Respond to email

3. Provide information

4. Keep commitments

5. Implement agreements

6. Delegate staff and hold them accountable

7. Accept responsibility

68

Conflict

Conflict =

The Consequence Of Difference

69

Conflict: A Definition

Conflict is a state of

• Antagonism

• Heightened Competition

• Struggle

70

Caused By …

• Information

• Interest

• Structure

• Values

• Perceptions

• Perspectives

• Assumptions

Personal bias comes from your unique experiences and your set of perceptions,

perspectives, and assumptions

71

Style Of Conflict

• Avoidance• Accommodation• Compromise• Competition• Collaboration

72

Dyads: I Deal With Conflict By …

• When things are not going well between me and others, I tend to ….

• The most difficult thing for me about conflict is ….

• When someone challenges me or criticizes my work I might ….

• When conflict occurs in a group, I want to ….

• My personal style is….

73

Resolution Models

Compete(Win/Lose)

Avoid(Lose/Lose)

Collaborate(Win/Win)

Accommodate(Lose/Win)

Compromise

Attention on Your Needs

Att

enti

on o

n th

e O

ther

’s N

eeds

Low High

High

Adapted from The Thomas-Kilman Conflict Mode Instrument by Thomas, K>W., and Kilmann, R.H. Tuxedo, N.Y.: Xicom, 1974.

74

Work On Solutions

• Release Personal Issues

• Use Process

• Provide Leadership

• Use Collaborative Problem Solving• Develop Commitment

75

Finding Win – Win Solutions

“Win-win is a belief in the Third Alternative. It’s not your way or my way: it’s a better way.”

- Stephen R. Covey

76

Site Reflections

How do

we

promote

positive

commu-

nication

at our

site?

77

Facilitation Skills

“How To Make Meetings Work”

78

Site Reflections

What

goes

wrong at

our

meetings?

Are our

roles

defined?

What one thing could we improve at our meetings.

79

What Goes Wrong At Meetings?

• Parliamentary Procedure

• Blind Leading The Blind

• Multi-Headed Animal Syndrome

• One Item At A Time

• Group Attack

• Saying What The Boss Wants To Hear

Every Meeting Needs A Traffic Cop!

Chapter 2 Page 19

80

The Functions Of A Meeting

• Participation

• Process Management

• Information Management

• Decision Making

81

Four Well Defined Roles

• Facilitator

• Recorder

• Group Member

• Manager/Chairperson/Director

82

Separating “What” From “How”

• The “What” Content Problem

• The “How” Process

• The “What” Content Solution

83

Shared Responsibility For Success

Facilitated IEP ProcessAn Interaction Method

Strategic Thinking

Collaborative Attitude

Facilitative Behaviors

Chapter 5 Page 83

84

Shared Responsibility For Success

85

Group Process: Enter The Facilitator

• Neutral Servant Of The Group

• Not Involved In Content

• Detached – Unbiased

• Recommends Process

• Monitors Process

• Monitors Behavior – Protects Group Members

• Monitors Agreements - Progress

Chapter 6 Page 88

86

Group Memory: Enter The Recorder

• Also A Neutral, Non-evaluative Servant Of the Group

• Writes Down Basic Ideas

• Not An Editor Or Paraphraser

• Preserves Words And Ideas Of Group

• Does Not Slow The Group

• Assures The Member Has Been Heard And Their Ideas Preserved

Chapter 7 Page 125

87

Group Member

• Active Participant

• Responsible To Keep The Facilitator And Recorder Neutral

• Determines The Course Of The Meeting

• Devotes Total Energies To The Task

• Agrees To Keep Ground Rules

Chapter 8 Page 143

88

Manager/Chairperson/Director

• Under Ground Rules Becomes A Group Member

• Establishes Parameters Before The Meeting

• Maintains All Other Powers And Responsibilities

• Encourages Group Members To Take Responsibility For Tasks And Deadlines

• Can Regain Control Of The Meeting If Progress Is Not Satisfactory

89

Desired Outcomes

• What They Are:What They Are: The expected result of a meeting; What we will walk out with (Products or Knowledge)

• What They Look Like:What They Look Like: brief, written statements, specific and measurable, written from the perspective of the participant, nouns not verbs

90

Desired Outcomes• Parents’

• District’s

• Write As One List Of Outcomes

Products

Lists

Plans

Decisions

Agreements

Knowledge

Awareness of …

So That … (we can do something)

Understanding of …

So That … (we can do something)

91

Collaborative Attitude

92

Elements Of ACollaborative Attitude

• Maintain positive or win/win attitude

• Focus on underlying interests

• Listen as an ally

• Remember there is no one right way

• Honor the possibility of consensus

93

More Questions

1. How can I help focus the thinking of the group?

2. How can I help enhance the physical and emotional energy of the group?

3. In a difficult situation, how can I help the group take greater responsibility for its success?

94

Strategic Thinking

95

Stages Of Discussion

• Commit To Group

• Agree To Task/Problem/Outcome

• Gather Information

• Organize The Information

• Select The Best Approach

• Reach Agreement On Solution

• Create An Action Plan

96

Finding Solutions In A Group

• Brainstorm

• Clarify

• List

• Make A Proposal

• Combine Duplicates

• Advantages/ Disadvantages

• Advocate

• Negative Pole

• Build Up/Eliminate

• Straw Poll

• Both/And

• Consensus

• Collaborative Win – Win

• Vote

97

Strategic Opportunities

A Point In A Discussion Or A Point In A Discussion Or Group Process When The Group Group Process When The Group Is Faced With A Choice About Is Faced With A Choice About

What To Do Next And How To Do ItWhat To Do Next And How To Do It

• When The Group Is Stuck• When People Are Talking About Different

Subjects Or Using A Different Process• When The Group Has Reached A

Key Agreement

98

The Questions

1. Where Are We?

2. Where Do We Want To Go?

3. How Do We Get There?

99

Action Planning

Action Plans transform Agreements Action Plans transform Agreements into next steps. They help ensure that into next steps. They help ensure that

decisions are implemented and decisions are implemented and provide a record of what will be done, provide a record of what will be done,

by whom, and by when.by whom, and by when. • Identify what is expected

• Assign responsibility to an individual

• Specify startup dates

• Includes progress check

100

Site Reflections

How do

we

assure

follow

through

after an

IEP

meeting?

101

Facilitative Behaviors

102

Facilitative Behaviors

Facilitative Behaviors are actions Facilitative Behaviors are actions anyone can take anyone can take

to make meetings run smoothlyto make meetings run smoothly

Desired OutcomesDesired OutcomesPreventions

Interventions

103

How To Be A Good Facilitator

• Get The Group To Focus On A Common Problem and Common Process

• Protect Group Members And Ensure Everyone Participates

• Remain Neutral And Build Trust

• Seek To Identify The Group’s Solutions

Remember There Is No One Remember There Is No One “Right” Way To Facilitate“Right” Way To Facilitate

104

Preventions

• Share Your Expectations

• Define Roles

• Agree To Ground Rules

• Clarify “Content” And “Process”

• Build An Agenda

• Agree To Process (For Decision-Making)

Chapter 16 Page 212

105

Preventions

• Suggest How The Group Could Proceed

• Ask For A Process Agreement

• Educate The Group About A Process

• Ask Open-Ended Questions To Generate Participation

• Request That People Reserve Judgment

106

Interventions

• Boomerang• Regain Focus• Ask Questions• Enforce Process Agreements/Ground Rules• Suggest A Break• Accept/Legitimize/Deal With Or Defer• Use Body Language• Use Humor

107

Agreement

• Ask For Proposals

• Check For Understanding

• Check For Agreement

Facilitated IEPs An IEP led by a specifically trained

facilitator Using a collaborative process where

members share responsibility for the process and results

Decision-making is managed through the use of facilitation process

108

Facilitated IEPs Training(24 Hours)

Self-AssessmentThe Interaction

MethodFacilitative

BehaviorsSetting Up For

SuccessListening As An

AllyFollow Through 109

Facilitation For IEP Meetings

Enables the team to:• Build and improve strong

relationships among team members• Reach true consensus• Focus the IEP content and process on

the needs of the student• Exercise and efficient, guided meeting

process where the effective communication and reflective listening are practiced

110

111

Difficult Behaviors

112

Difficult Behavior

At one point or another, everyone behaves At one point or another, everyone behaves in a manner that others find difficult or in a manner that others find difficult or

disruptive. These too are Strategic disruptive. These too are Strategic Opportunities. The facilitator must:Opportunities. The facilitator must:

1. Meet The Underlying Needs of The “Difficult” Group Member

2. Help the Group Stay On Track

3. Use appropriate interventions

113

A Leveling System

1. Do Nothing

2. Make Eye Contact

3. Stand Up

4. Walk Halfway

5. Walk By Them, Make Eye Contact

6. Ask – “What Do You Think?”

7. Touch And Talk Directly

8. Feedback – On A Break

9. Feedback – Before the Whole Group

10.Slap ‘em Silly

114

Form And Void

Facilitators create FORMFORM by providing a focus or structure within which

the group can work.

Facilitator create VOIDVOID by stepping back and allowing the group

to provide its own focus or structure.

115

Interventions

To Create FormTo Create Form• Suggest A Process• Ask A Specific

Question• Suggest A Thought

Framework• Model Supportive

Body Language (Move Toward Participants As They Speak)

To Create VoidTo Create Void• Don’t Speak When

There Is Silence• Ask A Very Open-

Ended Question• Move Away From The

Group Memory• Sit Down Away From

The Group

116

Facilitated IEP Demonstration

117

Reflection On The Demonstration

• What was comfortable/ uncomfortable for you?

• How were people’s emotions and feelings understood/resolved using the process?

• How was this process different than other processes?

118

Facilitation Tools

119

In Appendix: Facilitation Tools

• Desired Outcomes

• Agenda

• Ground Rules (with examples)

• Weighing The Options

• Action Plan

• Example Agreement

• Other Tools

120

Debrief With Group

• Plus

• Delta

Check Satisfaction

121

Facilitator Feedback And Support

• Meeting Evaluation

• Acknowledgement

• Debriefing

• Mentoring

• Additional Training

• Support Materials

• Sharing Of Experiences

Build Capacity In Your Community

FacilitationTry It!

You’ll Like It!

122

Remember …• Success does not depend on you• You are a neutral, servant of the group• You do what the group members want you to do• The group makes the decisions• It is their meeting• Your success will be measured by your ability

to fill the role of facilitator• Acknowledgement of others will lead to a

stronger sense of trust, accomplishment and relationship with you

Questions & Answers

123

124

Reflections

• What was of value today?

• What has been missed that must be addressed on our last day?