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SECRETLIVES

OurThree inspirational women talk frankly aboutthe mental health issuesthey hid from the world

Snoozing on the sofa with Jon after a lovely time with my family on Christmas Day 2013, I woke up and gazed at the pretty twinkling lights on the tree. Suddenly, a panic attack struck out of nowhere. My heart was pounding and I was in my pyjamas trying to climb the walls while Jon attempted to calm me down, a terrified look on his face.

After that episode, I knew I had to get some help. While I’d suffered from anxiety from a fear of dying for as long as I can remember, it had got much worse in the past five years. When I was pregnant with Tyne, I got quite ill and we had to move up to Liverpool to be with my mum so she could help. After the baby was born and we moved back down to Devon, things really escalated. We’d settled in a new area, but I became so afraid of leaving the house that I had no way of meeting people.

I was worried about my anxiety rubbing off on Tyne as he got older, so that January, I decided to do something about it. I started seeing a counsellor and at the same time

I began a blog about motherhood [called Sparkles & Stretchmarks]. All my friends had their babies much earlier than I did, so at first the blog was a place to chat about nappies and night feeds, but after one post where I wrote about my anxiety, I got a huge response. People who suffered from agoraphobia and anxiety started emailing and commenting. It was great because

online, you feel like you have this shield of anonymity. No one knew me personally, so I could talk openly without feeling judged. It was such a relief to get it all off my chest.

The blog became a great place to share tips on dealing with anxiety. I’d try different coping methods, like yoga,

cognitive behaviour therapy and hypnotherapy and report back, and my readers did the same. Some worked, some didn’t, but slowly with the support of my readers, I’ve started to manage my anxiety. There are still things, like flying or driving, I don’t think I’ll ever do and there’s not a day when I don’t worry about having a panic attack. But my readers and I now have such a community that we help each other through.

‘ I spoke to strangers online about my anxiety and agoraphobia’BLOGGER HAYLEY MCLEAN, 33, LIVES IN DEVON WITH HER HUSBAND JON AND THEIR 2-YEAR-OLD SON TYNE. THEY HAVE ANOTHER BABY BOY ON THE WAY.

Help for anxietyIf you or someone you know is suffering from similar issues, Anxiety UK can offer support and advice. Call the helpline on 08444 775 774 or visit anxietyuk.org.uk.

‘Slowly, with the support of

my readers, I’ve started to manage

my anxiety’

AMAZING WOMEN

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ESSENTIALS ESSENTIALS 3534

Help for ADHDIf you’re worried you or your child may have undiagnosed attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder, the ADHD Foundation may be able to offer advice. Visit adhdfoundation.org.uk to find out more.

I was diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) at 18, but it wasn’t until ten years later that anyone other than my family knew.I’d always made lists for all my homework, but the summer after my O-levels, I began to make lists for daily tasks and would check and double-check them. I realised what I was doing wasn’t normal, but couldn’t stop myself.

Work sufferedI started work in a hospital pathology unit, doing something I loved, but would have to double-check everything so often that my colleagues thought that I was being lazy and avoiding work. I was terrified to tell anyone about my condition in case they thought I was weak. One day, I saw a colleague at the psychiatrist’s office, but we never mentioned it. When it did come out that she had mental health problems, my colleagues were so derogatory it made me even more terrified my condition would come out.

The atmosphere at work became so horrible that I left for another job. But the stress was much the same and I didn’t trust myself with the work, so I left. At the end of my tether, I started going to a local

church and found for the first time I could be honest about my condition. There were other people with mental health problems so I could just be myself.

I did get married in 1993, but family life was very hard with my OCD and it played a large part in our divorce in 2012.

Over the years, my symptoms have got worse. I don’t like sharing a toilet, so I don’t have friends over. I also find it very hard to leave the house before it gets dark because my routine of checking and double-checking that everything is in the right place, clean or locked always makes me late. One of my biggest regrets was not being able to see my parents more before they passed away.

Occasionally, I do get out to see a friend or go to a concert, when people are understanding and treat me with such kindness. Unlike when I was younger, I feel I have a voice now and I can use it to help raise awareness for other people with my condition. There is still a stigma, but I hope it will dissolve, because mental health is no different to physical health – the brain is still an organ that can get ill in the same way a kidney can.

I’ve always realised that my brain was different, but I had no idea I was suffering from attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). When I was a child I was forever on the go. If my mum looked the other way, I’d be making a bird cake out of the contents of the cupboard, or cutting off the cat’s whiskers – and I was always in trouble at school. I have the ability to hyper-focus on subjects I love so, although I failed my O-levels in the subjects I had no interest in, I’d get straight As in the ones I liked. I ended up studying Modern European Languages and now I can speak five!

After getting my degree, I went on to work at a school for children with social, emotional and behavioural difficulties, and the kids used to say to me, ‘Mrs Scott, you’ve got ADHD like us!’ I used to laugh, but when I did some more research, it clicked that I had all the symptoms. I decided to go and get tested last year and the psychiatrist confirmed that not only did I have it, I was at the top of the scale.

We still need to fit inAt work, we teach the kids with ADHD that a diagnosis gives a reason for things, but not an excuse. Although everyone’s symptoms are different, we still have to try to manage them and fit into society. At first I did try medication, but it made me so drowsy that I almost felt hung-over, so I decided to self-manage. After all, I’d been self-managing all my life without knowing it! I’ve come up with tactics, like sitting on my hands during meetings to stop myself fidgeting and setting reminders on my phone so I don’t miss important appointments.

In my adult life, I feel as though my ADHD has been quite a positive thing. When my son was younger it meant I was able to be constantly on the go with him,

‘ I hid my OCD for years for fear of being seen as weak’BARBARA LLOYD, 52, LIVES IN LIVERPOOL. SHE WORKS WITH OCD ACTION TO RAISE AWARENESS.

‘ My friends don’t know I’ve got ADHD’SANDRA SCOTT, 47, LIVES IN LIVERPOOL WITH HUSBAND GED, 46, AND THEIR 16-YEAR-OLD SON. SHE IS DIRECTOR OF EDUCATION SERVICES FOR THE ADHD FOUNDATION.

‘If I had known about my

condition earlier I would have been better equipped to cope with it’

going out into the woods or visiting museums. Now, working at the foundation, I find my days are always varied and interesting, and I get to do

something I’m passionate about. I’m lucky to be able to sleep six hours a night, too, as lots of people with ADHD struggle to sleep, but when I wake up in the morning, I jump straight out of bed and I’m on the go.

I do feel that if I had known about my condition earlier, I would have been better equipped to cope with it.

There’s still a stigma, and often ADHD isn’t picked up in women because it’s usually associated with violence and aggression, which isn’t always the way it

‘I did get married in 1993, but family life was very hard because of my OCD and it played a large part in our divorce in 2012’

AMAZING WOMEN

Help for OCDIf you think you, or a member of your family, may be struggling with obsessive compulsive disorder, visit ocdaction.org.uk or call 0845 390 6232.

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manifests itself, particularly in girls. In fact, there are probably loads of women my age out there who are described as ‘dizzy’ or ‘forgetful’ when they may well have ADHD, but just haven’t realised it.

The only people who know about my diagnosis are my close family and my work colleagues, so I’m officially outing myself in Essentials! When my friends read this article, they’re all going to go, ‘Ah, well that makes sense!’