“The Circle of Reconciliation” as a Tool for Healing and “Re-membering” our

Pasts A Peace Educator’s Guide

The Circle of Reconciliation is centered on Olga Botcharova’s (2001) model of reconciliation. The

model consists of two circles: an inner circle of violence and an outer circle of healing. In order for

someone to heal and reconcile with the past, with others, and themselves, a person must move out of the

inner cycle of aggression and violence, and move into the outer cycle of healing and reconciliation.

Kelly Hill, B.A., M.Ed., M.T.S. Kellydhill@gmail.com

Introduction

The lesson plan on teaching the Circle of Reconciliation is based on Olga Botcharova’s

(2001) model of reconciliation. The model consists of two circles: an inner circle of violence

and an outer circle of healing. In order for someone to heal and reconcile with the past, with

others, and themselves, a person must move out of the inner cycle of aggression and violence,

and move into the outer cycle of healing and reconciliation.

I first learned about the Circle of Reconciliation in a class at the Boston University

School of Theology entitled “The Spirit and Art of Conflict Transformation.” Last summer, I

participated in a peacebuilding workshop hosted through Global Youth Connect and the Center

for Peacebuilding in Bosnia-Herzegovina. There, I was reintroduced to the model of the Circle

of Reconciliation through a ritual-activity which has transformed my understanding of what it

means to be on a journey of reconciliation, and what it means to be in right relations with others.

In Bosnia-Herzegovina, the Circle of Reconciliation as a ritual-activity was introduced to

me by Vahidin Omanavic, a local imam and the director of the Center for Peacebuilding in the

village of Sanski Most. At first, Vahidin shared with us the story of his own experience during

and after the Bosnian War and genocide. He shared with us his experiences of loss of

friendships, trust and companionship, death of family members, and exile from his community as

a refugee in Slovenia. While sharing his story, at every stage, he explained to us where he was

in the model of the Circle of Reconciliation. He told us about how he learned about the Circle of

Reconciliation from a peacebuilder named Paula Green, based in Boston Massachusetts.

Although at first he rejected her teachings, as he learned about the Circle of Reconciliation he

began to understand that he was going through a process, and that his place in that process was

not, nor did it have to be stagnant – even as he continued to deal with pain, shock, and denial

throughout his experience. He then shared with us how – slowly – he was able to move out of

the cycle of aggression and violence into a place where healing and reconciliation could happen.

On the floor, Vahidin had placed pieces of paper which represented the various stages of

the model of the Circle of Reconciliation. After he shared his story, Vahidin encouraged each of

the participants of the peacebuilding workshop to choose a conflict or trauma that we had

experienced in our own lives, and to sit next to the stage of the Circle of Reconciliation on the

floor in relation where we currently identified ourselves in that conflict. Then, each participant

in the workshop had an opportunity to share – as they were comfortable – their conflict or trauma,

and explain where they saw themselves in the Circle of Reconciliation process.

This activity was by far one of the most emotional and powerful activities I have ever

done in my life. Hearing each of the participant’s heartfelt and intimate experiences, every

person in the circle was in tears from listening to one another’s stories multiple times throughout

the night. The activity lasted for five hours, with each of the participants sharing something

deeply personal to the group. Listening to the stories of each participant reminded me that I

could never judge someone or understand why they thought or acted in ways different from my

own, unless I also listened to their story.

The activity reminded me of a quote by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, “If we could read

the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each man's life sorrow and suffering enough

to disarm all hostility.” I wondered what results we might be if every person in the world were

to participate in this activity with persons who had hurt them, and how much more love and

peace there might be in the world.

Like the beauty of the Bosnian countryside, which makes it hard to imagine the horrible

atrocities that occurred in the country less than twenty years ago, the activity reminded me that

pain often belies beauty, and reminds us how fragile and deceptive beauty and peace can

be. Indeed, each person in the group and in the world has their own stories and experiences of

personal suffering which have affected them in ways we can never know, unless we create

opportunities for them to share and for us to listen to their stories.

For me, the activity allowed me to see my new friends (on the Global Youth Connect

delegation) in a new, more intimate light. Hearing each story gave me insight into why each

delegate might react in different ways to the difficult issues we discussed during our time

studying peacebuilding and post-war reconstruction in Bosnia-Herzegovina. The activity helped

us to understand that each of us where at different stages on the journey of healing and

reconciliation in our own lives, even as we called ourselves “peacebuilders” on a so-called

human rights delegation.

At the end of the activity, we all held hands and, led by Vahidin, a Muslim imam, we

sang a Christian hymn, Amazing Grace, this time with new meaning for me. Past experiences,

cultural and religious backgrounds, and other differences truly seemed to disappear in this circle

of friends. Our stories of pain and suffering had been shared and heard, setting us free, allowing

us to truly open ourselves, see, offer and accept sincerely warm and loving embraces with one

another.

“Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me….

I once was lost but now I’m found was blind but now I see…”

This ritual-activity which I participated in during the summer of 2011 has been the

inspiration for this peace educator’s guide. This guide will present adapted version of the Circle

of Reconciliation activity which I prepared and implemented in peacebuilding workshops held at

two youth empowerment and vocational training centers funded by the Liberia Annual

Conference of the United Methodist Church in the summer of 2012. This educator’s guide is

written for people who would like to teach the Circle of Reconciliation to those in their families,

communities, churches, schools, and other places of gathering.

Preparing to Teach the ‘Circle of Reconciliation’

Lesson Plan Goals:

1. Participants should understand the personal and communal aspects of The Circle of

Reconciliation process.

2. Participants should reflect upon their own journeys in The Circle of Reconciliation,

accept their own position in the process, and understanding that engaging in the process

of reconciliation and trauma healing is a decision we can be empowered to make.

The Lesson Plan (in brief)

The lesson plan has six primary components: (1) a lecture introducing the Circle of

Reconciliation as a model for processes of personal, interpersonal and community peacebuilding;

(2) a time for the facilitator to share her or his story; (3) a discussion centering on the parable of

the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32), exploring how this Bible story can be read through the lenses

of the Circle of Reconciliation; (4) a artistic project giving each student an opportunity to reflect

upon the Circle of Reconciliation in their own lives; and (5) a time for sharing the stories

represented in the drawings, and (6) a closing ritual or prayer.

Materials Needed:

1. Large flat white vinyl shower curtain, or poster board**

2. Paper (for participants to take notes)

3. Drawing materials (e.g. pencils, crayons, markers, color pencils)

4. Permanent markers

**The facilitator should draw a large version of the Circle of Reconciliation on the shower

curtain or poster board. This will be used as an instructional tool later during the lesson. The

large Circle of Reconciliation on the poster/bed sheet can be laid out on the floor as an

instructional visual aid when lecturing about the Circle of Reconciliation, and participants can sit

on it as they talk about their processes in the Circle of Reconciliation.

1. Introducing the Circle of Reconciliation.

The facilitator should introduce the Circle of Reconciliation to participants as a process of

personal, interpersonal, and community reconciliation and peacebuilding. In order to begin a

process of healing, forgiveness and reconciliation, one must break out of the inner circle of

violence and revenge. The process is not uni-directional, and people may fall into the inner

circle of vengeance and violence at any given time. The key is understanding that we have a

choice, and realizing that we are all on a journey – not stagnant – and remembering that there is

hope for transformation, regardless of how slow we may seem to be moving.

The Circle of Reconciliation

1. Trauma healing is both a decision and a process

2. Trauma healing is not unidirectional

3. The key is that we have a choice meaning that we are the ones to decide if we

want to heal our trauma and embark on the journey of forgiveness and

reconciliation. – from Amela Puljek-Shank

The Circle of Reconciliation

Recognizing Trauma: the “Inner Circle”1

1. Realization of Loss

o Filled with the fear of realizing the horrible truth mixed with the fear of looking

into the future

o Overwhelmed to imagine life without that which we lost

o The more dramatic and sudden the change is, the greater the sense of loss

experienced

2. Denial and the Suppression of Grief/Fears

o Trauma destroys our sense of security in the world; denial allows us to let in only

as much pain as we can tolerate at one time

o Denial and suppression are common survival mechanisms which help us pace

ourselves through the process of adjusting to catastrophic loss

o In trying to avoid pain, we do everything to not get deeply into the grief or

confront the fears of past and future

o Circumstances in many conflict situations are usually not favorable for the time

needed for lamenting and mourning.

3. Anger: “Why me?”

o Allowing oneself to feel the fury of hate and anger, especially when one has been

abused, violated or severely wronged, is often a healthy part of the recovery

process

o Feeling anger toward the perpetrator(s) may be the only resource available that

allows some personal respect to be maintained.

o Anger turned inward is often evidenced by the question: “Did I do something to

cause this?”

4. Desire for Justice/Revenge

o Punitive justice may turn into a quest or crusade for revenge

o While rage and revenge fantasies appear initially to bring relief, the opposite is

true. Repetitive revenge fantasies actually increase the victim’s torment, making

the survivor feel like a monster—-‘just like them’ (Herman)

5. Telling and Re-Telling the “Right” Conflict Story

o Creating myths/heroes that play well in the revenge conflict story

o Writing a history that supports the “ingroup” (victim’s group) and demonizes the

“outgroup”(offender/enemy group)

o Placing the blame entirely on the “other” so victim needs to take no responsibility

6. Act of “Justified Aggression”

o Victim becomes the aggressor who victimizes and continues around the inner

circle again, now as the aggressor but believing self to still be victim

1 http://www.emu.edu/cjp/publications/beyond-september-11th/2001/at-the-fork-in-the-road/

Reconciling Trauma: the “Outer Circle”2

1. Mourning and Expressing Deep Grief

o Knowledge that grief experienced does dissolve over time

o Often a fear of being overcome if one allows the tears to flow

o Seeing some glimpse of new life even as the ashes are brushed away

2. Accepting Loss and Confronting Fears

o Survivors need to (1) separate themselves from the events that have happened to

them; and (2) integrate the events into their lives

o Integrating the grief and pain by deciding to heal, believing and understanding

what happened and trusting yourself

o Deciding to remember and move on

3. “Why Them?” Re-humanizing the Enemy

o Moving from total victim self-absorption to some recognition of the other

o Curiosity about how the “other” got involved; seeing the common humanity in

the other; the survivor begins the slow transformation and may even feel the

hidden pain of the abuser.

o Realizing that not punishing the “other” does not mean forgetting what happened,

but rather recognizing that we can never truly get even and that an inner peace

comes when we give up trying

o Seeing the Divinity in the enemy*

4. Moving Beyond Tolerance

o A beginning baby step of trust beyond a willingness to just co-exist

o Finding a survivor mission—some meaning in the ashes

5. Choice to Forgive; Commitment to Take Risks

o Not at all forgive and forget

o Ability to transform the impulse for revenge into a search for something larger

o Realizing that nothing we do to punish another person or group will heal

ourselves

o Seeing that this frees us to put to better use the energies once consumed by

holding grudges, harboring resentments and nursing unhealed wounds

6. “Re-Writing” History, Negotiating Solutions and Joint Planning

o Revising the trauma story to be both honest and constructive

o Walking through history together, openly examining wounds on all sides, sorting

out truth from falsehood and recognizing mutual responsibilities

o Sincere apology, symbols of repentance and an open confirmation of good will

o The trauma prisoner/survivor needs to make some sense out of the suffering—“to

find some purpose and meaning in the suffering” (Frankl, Man’s Search for

Meaning, 1959)

7. Establishing Justice That Restores

o Restorative justice which focuses on relationship and restitution

o Restoring victims as well as offenders to the community

o Repairing the social injury and right relationship

8. Moving Toward Reconciliation and Trauma-based Conflict Transformation

o Does not mean that I forget what has happened—or condone it in any way.

Forgiving and forgetting is precisely what has disallowed many from achieving

true forgivingness

2 Nancy Good, “At The Fork in the Road: Trauma Healing,” 2001.

http://www.emu.edu/cjp/publications/beyond-september-11th/2001/at-the-fork-in-the-road/

2. Facilitator Shares Their Story

After the facilitator has had an opportunity to introduce the model of the Circle of Reconciliation,

the facilitator should enhance the participants’ understanding of the model by giving a personal

example of the facilitator’s own experience or journey in the Circle of Reconciliation. By being

open and sharing one’s own personal story with the group of participants, the facilitator should

create an environment of intimacy which will open up possibilities for sincere and authentic

dialogue later in the workshop.

Notes from a Facilitator:

I shared the story of my journey towards reconciliation as a facilitator with approximately 150

participants at a center for ex-combatant youth and marginalized girls at a youth empowerment

and vocational training center called Brighter Future Children’s Rescue Center in Buchanan,

Liberia. Before I shared my story, I wondered whether my journey could help the participants

better understand the circle of reconciliation due to the differing cultural contexts and practical

realities in which we lived and had grown up. I also wondered whether my own experiences of

hurt, healing and reconciliation would be considered lesser experiences than the experiences

that some of the participants had had during and after the war in Liberia. Surprisingly, however,

through the course of sharing my story, both participants and teachers were very engaged with

the telling of my own journey. Many participants and teachers empathized with me, and asked

me questions about my experiences afterward. In the evaluations, many participants indicated

that although understanding the lecture about the Circle of Reconciliation had been difficult,

listening to the story of my journey had helped them to better understand the Circle of

Reconciliation. (Kelly Hill)

3. Discussion about the Prodigal Son

1. Read the Prodigal Son Story together (Luke 15:11-32).

Ideally, there should be seven volunteers participating in this reading and

dramatization of the Prodigal Son story. Three participants and a narrator read the

parable (script on the following page), while three other participants act out the

story through role-play (Narrator, Father, Son 1, Son 2).

2. The facilitator will have a discussion with the class about what stage of the Circle of

Reconciliation each character in the parable was experiencing.

The facilitator should also include the volunteers who are performing the

dramatization about how they or their characters felt during the role play.

Notes from a Facilitator:

In this activity, participants engaged very actively in the role-play and the following discussion.

Both the actors and audience members were able to see various stages of ‘Circles of

Reconciliation’ in the story of the prodigal son. (Kelly Hill)

The Parable of the Prodigal and His Brother (Luke 15:11-32)

Narrator: Then Jesus said, ‘There was a man who had two sons. The younger of them said to his

father,

Son 2: “Father, give me the share of the property that will belong to me.”

Narrator: So he divided his property between them. A few days later the younger son gathered

all he had and travelled to a distant country, and there he squandered his property in dissolute

living. When he had spent everything, a severe famine took place throughout that country, and he

began to be in need. So he went and hired himself out to one of the citizens of that country, who

sent him to his fields to feed the pigs. He would gladly have filled himself with the pods that the

pigs were eating; and no one gave him anything. But when he came to himself he said,

Son 2: “How many of my father’s hired hands have bread enough and to spare, but here I am

dying of hunger! I will get up and go to my father, and I will say to him, ‘Father, I have sinned

against heaven and before you; I am no longer worthy to be called your son; treat me like one of

your hired hands.’ ”

Narrator: So he set off and went to his father. But while he was still far off, his father saw him

and was filled with compassion; he ran and put his arms around him and kissed him. Then the

son said to him,

Son 2: “Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you; I am no longer worthy to be called

your son.”

Narrator: But the father said to his slaves,

Father: “Quickly, bring out a robe—the best one—and put it on him; put a ring on his finger and

sandals on his feet. And get the fatted calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate; for this son of

mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found!”

Narrator: And they began to celebrate. ‘Now his elder son was in the field; and when he came

and approached the house, he heard music and dancing. He called one of the slaves and asked

what was going on. He replied, “Your brother has come, and your father has killed the fatted

calf, because he has got him back safe and sound.” Then he became angry and refused to go in.

His father came out and began to plead with him. But he answered his father,

Son 1: “Listen! For all these years I have been working like a slave for you, and I have never

disobeyed your command; yet you have never given me even a young goat so that I might

celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours came back, who has devoured your

property with prostitutes, you killed the fatted calf for him!”

Narrator: Then the father said to him,

Father: “Son, you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours. But we had to celebrate and

rejoice, because this brother of yours was dead and has come to life; he was lost and has been

found.” ’

4. Drawing our Stories.

The facilitator should instruct the participants to create a drawing that represents the stage of

the Circle of Reconciliation model with which they most identify in a conflict or trauma they

have experienced in their own lives and their journey in the Circle of Reconciliation. Allow

at least 20 minutes for this activity to give participants time to draw their pictures and to tap

into their creative unconscious.

Notes from a Facilitator:

In this activity, participants drew pictures of different conflicts and traumas in their lives. Some

participants’ pictures represented trauma, separation from families, and poverty as a result of

the war in Liberia. Others drew pictures of conflicts that they had had with their friends, or how

BFC (the youth empowerment and vocational training center) had helped to change their lives

for the better. Many of the participants seemed to enjoy having the opportunity to draw their

stories. Some participants indicated that they felt some vulnerability during this activity, but

many of these participants also indicated in their evaluations that the facilitators had provided a

safe space for exploring these stories. (Kelly Hill)

5. Sharing our Stories

1. The facilitator should invite participants to place their drawings on a large chart of the

Circle of Reconciliation on the floor. This will allow students to literally see themselves

within their own journey of the Circle of Reconciliation, while also seeing the diverse

journeys of their fellow classmates.

2. The facilitator should invite participants to share the stories represented in their drawings

of their process in the Circle of Reconciliation – as they feel comfortable to share. No

one has to share their story because the stories should be respected as private. Give

enough waiting time for participants who feel comfortable to open up and share. Don’t

be afraid of the silence, and don’t pressure participants to share. The deeply personal

aspect of sharing one’s stories necessitates that teachers gently care for their participants

when engaging these moments. In order to prepare participants for sharing their stories,

teachers should make sure participants know well ahead of time that they may be invited

to share their stories.

3. After each participant shares their story, the facilitator should invite the liturgical tool of

Call and Response:

One: For the dark and lonely times in our journey,

All: Grant us courage.

One: For new life, healing and reconciliation:

All: Grant us hope.

Notes from a Facilitator:

Although all students were not eager to share their drawings or stories with the group, a few

participants bravely volunteered to share their stories. The participants who volunteere told

their stories passionately and very openly, while the audience listened intently. The participants’

stories ranged from experiences with the war, poverty, raising ones siblings as a teenager, and

their experiences with BFC (the youth empowerment and vocational training center). At

CESPRO (another youth empowerment and vocational training center), where there were much

fewer workshop participants, every girl who had placed their drawing on the large chart of the

Circle of Reconciliation, volunteered and had the opportunity to share her story. (Kelly Hill)

6. Closing Ritual

1. At the end of the activity, invite participants to come together for a closing ritual,

such as a prayer or song such as “Amazing Grace.”

A Sample Closing Prayer

Prayer for Desert Times

THE JOURNEYS OF OUR LIVES are never fully charted.

There come, sometimes, to each of us, deserts to cross,

barren stretches

where the green edge on the horizon may be our destination,

or an oasis on our way,

or a mirage that beckons and will leave us lost.

When fear grips the heart, or despair bows the head,

may we bend as heart and head lead us down to touch the ground beneath our feet,

and scoop some sand into our hands,

and receive what the sand would teach us:

It holds the warmth of the sun when the sun has left our sight.

as it holds the cool of the night when the stars have faded.

And hidden among its grains are tiny seeds, at rest and waiting.

Dormant, yet undefeated. Desert flowers.

They endure.

Moistened by our tears,

and by the rain that comes to the end even the longest drought,

they send down roots, and they bloom.

Oh, may we believe in those seeds,

And the seeds within us.

May we remember in our dry seasons

that we, too, are desert flowers.

Amen.

--- Margaret Keip

From “For Praying Out Loud: Interfaith Prayers for Public Occasions” by Annie Foerster