‘Thank you for Holly’ SOME families are often grateful to be offered a thanksgiving service instead of baptism - an option of which they had not previously been aware.

I visited Leanne and Shaun at home. In their neat sitting room there was an array of medical equipment and a large, noisy oxygen concentrator. Their child, Holly, had been born at 26 weeks, and she and her parents had spent the first six months of her life in hospital. She had suffered many of the complications of prematurity, and, on several occasions, had not been expected to survive. Holly had been home a few weeks, and was still on oxygen, but a check up had shown that she had no ongoing problems, and was developing normally.

Their request for christening was to mark this good news and also their hopes for her future. They wanted to thank God for Holly. When I suggested that we could have a special service just to say this, which would not involve the promises or commitment of bap­tism, Shaun turned the television off, and, for the first time, engaged with the conversation.

“Thank you,” he said. “I’m not religious, and I don’t want to say anything that would be hypocritical, but I really want to bring Holly to church to thank God for her.”

“THE Service of Thanksgiving for the Gift of a Child” can be found in Common Worship. At the heart of the service is thanksgiving for the child, with a prayer for God’s blessing. Parents, and optional supporting friends, are asked to pledge their support for the child as he or she grows up, and a copy of gospel is given as an invitation to explore the good news of Christ.

The notes make it clear that this flexible service can be used as a preliminary to baptism, or as an alternative to baptism for those “who do not ask for baptism, but who recognise that something has happened for which they wish to give thanks to God”.

In this case, although the Church’s hope would be that the child would “in due time” come to faith and baptism, many parents, in my experience, feel less clear about that, and see the service simply as an appropriate way of welcoming their child into the world and into their family.

This research was carried out by The Revd Dr Helen Sammon Vicar of St Barnabas’s, Gloucester, and a Research Associate of The Queen’s Foundation for Ecumenical Theological Education,

Birmingham with the Revd Mark Earey, tutor in Liturgy.

When Helen Sammon interviewed families who had asked to have their children

christened, she found that baptism was not always what they were looking for

‘We want to get the baby done’

THE phone rang. “Is that the church?” a young woman asked. “Do you do christenings?” “Yes, of course,” I replied. “That’s good. Most churches don’t do them any more. I’ve asked several, but they only do baptisms. I don’t want that: I want a christening.” As the Vicar of a large, semi-urban parish in the west of England, I receive 30 to 40 requests a year from families asking to have their child “christened”. None of them attends church regularly, and most have very little contact with the church between the baptism of each child. Such figures are echoed nationally. Thirty-five per cent of all babies born in the UK are baptised in one of the main denominational churches, although only six to eight per cent of people attend church regularly. In order to respond with integrity, both pastorally and liturgically, I wanted to explore and understand what it was that these families wanted, or expected, from a christening. For those who wanted to “get the baby done”, what was it, I wondered, that they wanted me to “do” to him or her?

CHOOSING and officially appointing godparents was a central feature of christening for most families. Those who seemed to have little understanding of what baptism might mean, or what the service would include, were nevertheless fully aware that it was to be the occasion of announcing godparents. Many used the words “guardian”, “guide”, or “support” when they spoke of the part played by godparents, and expected them to develop a special relationship with the child in the future. Single mothers in particular, and those who had experienced illness or difficulty, often chose godparents who had already given help and support. Asking someone to be a godparent was seen as a way of honouring their friendship and help. Parents who emphasised the guardian role of godparents were often those who spoke of their desire for God’s protection of their child, and who understood that life may have difficulties and dangers. In the baptism service, no distinction is made between the godparents and parents; nor are godparents given specific words to say. The rubrics, however, do give the opportunity for godparents to be introduced, and for them to present the child. The thanksgiving service makes provision for special people to be recognised, calling them “supporting friends”. They may present and name the child, and are asked to make a specific promise to “help and support the parents in the bringing up of N.” Whichever service is being held, there is scope to express the parents’ honouring of these special people, and their affirmation of them. If a thanksgiving is followed at a later date by baptism, there is the possibility that some, or all, of the supporting friends may take on the part of godparent, as appropriate. Parents who seek a christening for their child can, and should, be honoured in their request. Ministers have a privileged opportunity to listen to the stories of the families who approach them, and to understand what it is that those families expect from a christening. For many of them, a service of thanksgiving for the gift of a child may be the most appropriate liturgical choice. But, whether using baptism or thanksgiving, clergy should be bold in approaching the service creatively.

Without exception, the families I interviewed expressed a desire for their child to be presented to, and known by, God. It was important to them that the service would take place in church, that the vicar would be robed, and that there would be a sense of reverence. They expressed a desire for God’s protection of their child throughout this life, as well as beyond, using the phrase “If anything happened”.

“I don’t like to think it, because this is about the beginning,” one family said, “but, yes, if anything happened. . .”

The same concept of protection of the child was implied in family traditions of christening. The majority of parents who requested christening for their child had been baptised themselves, and “wanted the same” for their child. It must be asked whether this in any way reflects the Christian understanding of God’s blessing, or is closer to superstition. But we can acknowledge the families’ desire for their child to be known by God, and for God to be involved in the child’s life and wellbeing. The thanksgiving service includes actions and words that articulate the “blessing” of the child. After the presentation of the child, the minister may take the child in his or her arms, and say, “So now we ask God’s blessing on N.” When families express God’s blessing of their child as their priority, it may therefore be most appropriate to encourage them to consider a thanksgiving service. A baptism service does not include a prayer of “blessing” in the way that families might expect, although those I interviewed equated a concept of God’s blessing with the symbols, actions, or words they associated with the service. This observation highlighted the discrepancy between families’ expectations of christening and the theology and liturgy of baptism.

I never want to “do” to anyone’s baby what they have not asked for; and yet I want to welcome and affirm every family who approaches the church and asks for our ministry. It is not only the number of requests which is interesting, but the changing attitudes and practice surrounding baptism. Rather than “a quiet family occasion with a cup of tea afterwards”, as one of my elderly parishioners fondly remembered, they have become, almost without exception, large family celebrations attended by upwards of 50 to 100 people. People dress lavishly, venues are hired for a reception afterwards, and adults and children arrive in expectation of a party. Families appear to know what they are expecting from a christening, but there is a long-recognised discrepancy between this and the sacrament of baptism which the Church has to offer. IN ORDER to explore what families understood by christening, and what they expected from it, I interviewed 15 families in their homes, over a six-month period. I recognised that these families had little knowledge of the Christian story, or of the liturgy, doctrine, or traditions of the Church, but I believed that, although they did not share the language, they were genuinely seeking something of depth, both from God and from the Church. After listening to their stories, I asked them why they had decided to have their child christened, and what would be important about it for them, their child, and for their family. Every family I visited had a story. There were longed-for pregnancies and the joy of conception and birth; there were unexpected pregnancies and the pain of being left alone to bring a child into the world. I heard of the support and care of extended family, friends, and community; and there were stories of premature babies, special-care baby units, and nurses. These were the stories that the families wished to bring before God, and I realised that they were the key I had been searching for to enable me to respond with integrity - both pastorally and liturgically - to the requests for christening. There could be no one-size-fits-all service, any more than there was a standard baby or family situation. I identified four main expectations and understandings of christening;

1. “Welcome and belonging”

2. “Saying thank you to God”

3. “Blessing the child”

4. “Appointing the Godparents”.

It was then my challenge to look creatively at the Common Worship services of baptism and Thanks­giving for the Gift of a Child, and to find out how, within these liturgies, I could appropriately respond to the families’ needs and expectations.

CHRISTENING was widely under­stood as the child’s official welcome into his or her extended family and chosen community. “It’s a celebration — it’s welcoming her into the family,” one family said. “It’s when she’ll be welcomed into the community,” said another. “It’s his official welcome into the world,” a third said. This is also demonstrated in the large numbers of people who are invited, and the way in which the date is chosen so that everyone can attend. Families often used the word “celebration” in this context, recognising it as an occasion when the community comes together to celebrate the new child. None of the families I interviewed regarded christening as a “naming ceremony”, although, occasionally, if the child had been given a family name, they asked for this to be acknowledged. Welcoming the child as a new member of the church community is central to baptismal theology as expressed in the Common Worship liturgy. In baptism, the parents and godparents promise to “draw the child . . . into the community of faith” and help him “take his place within the life and worship of Christ’s church”. The whole congregation greets the child with the words “We welcome you into the fellowship of faith.” The families that formed my study were similarly expressing the importance of their child’s belonging to a wider community, and, in christening, establishing his or her identity within that community. But the families regarded their family and friends as the community to which they belonged rather than the Church. The thanksgiving service, although it does not include words of welcome, can be used creatively to express this. And there is also scope in the baptism service for a recognition of the importance in a child’s upbringing of relationships beyond the church, as well as within it.

THE desire to say thank you for their child was much greater in those families where there had been problems in conceiving the child, or illness. “It’s definitely about saying thank you,” one family said. “We didn’t think we’d be able to have children, and then we had two miscarriages.” All the families regarded giving thanks as an inherent part of the christening, and assumed it to be part of the service. Their own prayers and poems, almost without exception, strongly expressed this concept of thanks. One family wrote: “Dear Lord, thank you for bringing our beautiful daughter Jessica into our lives. We love her more than words can express, and we are so grateful for the joy that she blesses us with, every minute of each and every day.” If the family’s main purpose in having the child christened is to thank God, the service of thanksgiving can be offered with integrity as an alternative to baptism. It is important, however, not to assume that the words of either the thanksgiving or baptism liturgies will adequately express parents’ thanks. The thanksgiving service, by its nature, sets out to give parents the opportunity to thank God. “We are here today to give thanks for these children. . .” The first prayer, said by the minister, gives thanks generally for the “gift of human life”, and for the skill of those who have enabled the safe birth. It is not a specific prayer of thanks for the child itself, however, and there is no scope to include a name. The later prayer, “God our creator, we thank you for the gift of these children,” seems closer to the sense of thanksgiving expressed by the parents, and the rubric reminds us that it may be said by the parents alone rather than by the whole congregation, giving them an opportunity to voice their thanksgiving. The only provision for thanksgiving in the baptism liturgy is in the rubric “The president may use the prayer of thanksgiving,” referring to a generic prayer similar to that in the thanksgiving service. If a baptism has not been preceded by an earlier thanksgiving service, it may be important for the family that provision is made to fulfil their expectation of thanking God. The informal parts of either service can provide an opportunity for giving thanks to God, but can be done personally and with integrity only when the minister has first listened to, and heard, the family’s story.