August 2011

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HIDABROOT

Has there ever been a greater mystery? Is there anyone who doesn't yearn to learn the secrets of love

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lgniting The Jewish Spark

CHABAD TO OPEN NEW

CENTER FOR JEWISH LIFEIN AGOURA HILLS

CONFIDENCE HOW TO ATTAIN TRUE

SELF ASTEEm

LOVE

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SEPTEMBERSeptember 2 & 9 Jewish Business Leaders Roundtable Breakfast. Breakfast series featuring fascinating speakers discussing the Jewish view of business and ethics. 7 9 AM. El Caballero Country Club, Tarzana, and North Ranch Country Club, Westlake Village. Contact Jonathan Boyer at 818-464-3206.

September 7 Community Briefing with Avi Issacharoff. Community briefing discussing possible Palestinian statehood. 7-9 PM at the Jewish Federation-Valley Alliance, West Hills.

September 8 REC September Cabinet Networking Breakfast . Featuring entrepreneur and real estate mogul Paul Fuhrman. 7:15 9:15 AM, Four Seasons Hotel, Los Angeles. Contact Deanna Jernigan 323-761-8225.

September 9 100 Shabbat Celebrations, Young Adults. Sign up to enjoy a Shabbat meal with other young adults in honor of the centennial of The Jewish Federation. 7-9 PM, Jewish Federation of Greater Los Angeles. Contact 323-761-8352 or [email protected].

September 11 Yeshiva Ner Aryeh Breakfast. 9:30 10:30 AM, Hancock Park. KOREH L.A. Volunteer Training Session. Help a child between the ages of 5 and 10 master reading. 9:30 12:30 PM, Adat Ari El, Valley Village. Contact 323-761-8153 or [email protected]. Hebrew School. 9:45 10:45 AM, The Friendship Circle of Los Angeles. Providing Jewish education for special needs children. Contact Gail Rollman at 310-277-3252.

September 12 Back to School Night, YULA, grades 9-12. 7 10 PM. Los Angeles.

September 13 Thank You Phone Session. 4 5 PM, Valley Alliance Phone Room, West Hills. Contact Arden Taubman at 818-464-3221. Maimonides Academy Back to School Night. Early Childhood and grades 6-8. 7-9 PM. Los Angeles.

September 14 Shalhevet Back to School Night, Grades 9-12. 7-9 PM, Los Angeles. JBL Study Table with Rabbi Bryski. Monthly discussion on how the Torah relates to business today. 8-9 PM, Bernard Milken Jewish Community Campus, West Hills. Contact Jonathan Boyer at 818-464-3206.

Mussar Lecture with Rabbi Leib Kelemen. Fascinating lecture entitled The Nazir, The Wall and the Darkness: A Torah Program for Self Development. 8-9 PM, Shaarey Zedek Congregation, Valley Village.

September 15 Valley Alliance Womens Board Meeting. 9:15 11:15 AM. Bernard Milken Jewish Community Campus, West Hills. Contact Arden Taubman at 818-464-3221. Beit Tshuvah Knock Out Addiction 2. 6 10 PM, Peterson Automotive Museum, Los Angeles. 2nd annual celebrity boxing event. Contact Barbara Friedman 310-204-5200. Jewish Federation Town Hall Meeting. Learn more about the Federations strategy for ensuring the Jewish future of our children and grandchildren and participate in an open dialogue about communal issues. 7-9 PM.

September 18 Jewish Federation Community Service Day. Volunteer for your community. Contact Neuriel Shore [email protected] or 323-761-8331. Visit Noahs Ark with HaMercaz. Exclusive access to this interactive, child friendly exhibit for special needs children and their families. 10 AM 2 PM. Skirball Cultural Center, Los Angeles. Contact 866-387-8030 or [email protected] Federation Young Adult Community Service Day. Enjoy the company of other community minded young adults while volunteering in your community. Contact Neuriel Shore [email protected] or 323-761-8331. Zimmer Childrens Museum at Cirque de Soleil. Enjoy a matinee performance of Cirque de Soleils latest magical production. 1 4 PM, Kodak Theatre, Hollywood. Contact 323-761-8141. Celebration of Life Reflections 2011. Los Angeles Jewish Homes Annual Gala dinner, honoring Eleanore and Harold Foonberg and Barbara and Arnold Price. 5:30 9:30 PM, Beverly Wilshire Hotel, Beverly Hills.

September 19 YULA Golf Tournament. 8 AM, El Caballero Country Club, Los Angeles. Contact Joanne Helperin 310-203-3197.September 20 Maimonides Academy Family Festival. Open to students, parent body, grandparents, faculty and alumni. 5 10 PM, Pacific Park, Santa Monica. Contact 310-659-2456.September 25 Hineni Summer Event. Special

event forthose who have donated $100,000 or more to the Jewish Federation. 12 4 PM, Los Angeles. Contact Lori Tessel 323-761-8313. Jewish Federations Senior Prom. Volunteers needed to make this gala event for seniors truly unforgettable. 12 5 PM, Westside JCC, Los Angeles. Contact Mara Simon-Meyer at [email protected] or 323-761-8324. Friendship Circle Rosh Hashana Festival. Volunteers needed for this event for special needs children and their families spotlighting the joy of this momentous holiday. 1 3 PM, The Friendship Circle, Los Angeles. Contact Gail Rollman 310-277-3252. Ilan Ramon Day School Launch. Celebrate the 18th year of the former Heschel West Day School and the launch of the Ilan Ramon Day School with Israeli Consul General David Siegeland producers of the film An Article of Hope. 5 10 PM. Scherr Forum Theater at Thousand Oaks Civic Arts Plaza, Thousand Oaks. Contact Leslie Kaplan 818-707-2365. Bikur Cholim Annual Dinner. 6 9 PM, Century Plaza, Los Angeles. Contact 323-852-1900. Foundation for Jewish Culture 50th Anniversary and Jewish Cultural Achievement Awards. Honoring the recipients of the Foundation for Jewish Cultures 50th anniversary Jewish Cultural Achievement Awards. 6-10 PM, Grand Performances, Los Angeles. Contact Isaac Bernstein 212-629-0500 x 219.

September 27 Jewish Big Brothers Big Sisters Big Dreams Luncheon. Honoring the Wonderful Outstanding Women of Jewish Big Brothers Big Sisters. 10:30 AM 2:30 PM. Beverly Hills Hotel, Beverly Hills. Contact Julia Wells 323-456-1158.

What's Happening in LASandy Eller

SEPTEMBER

Stimulating Gateways lectures

Q & A sessions

Special singles track & program

Babysitting & day camp led by Rabbi Avi Frank

Explanatory Service

RETREAT FEATURES

Jews of all ages for an exceptional Yom Tov experience that

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This Gateways initiative addresses the growing need for help in the shidduch world. This is one of the most unique and trailblazing initiatives taken in this field. We are pleased that some of the shadchanim will be at the program meeting singles and their families.

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63

A project some fi ve years in the making, the newly-constructed, state-of-the-art, multipurpose facility, located on Canwood Street just off the 101 Freeways Reyes Adobe exit, will allow Chabad to expand its existing educational and social service programs, and to start up many new ones. Leaders and layper-sons alike are expressing enthusiasm over the forthcoming festivities and the new milestone they will mark for the greater Conejo Valley area.As the numbers of children and adults participating in our programs and events have grown in leaps and bounds over the years, it has long been apparent that a center like this would simply have to be built, says Rabbi Moshe Bryski, Execu-tive Director of Chabad of the Conejo. It was only recently, however, that we were able to meet the many challenges and overcome the various obstacles that stood between us and the realization of this wonderful dream The edifi ce that now stands proudly on our property as a new beacon of light for the community is proof positive, yet again, that when people join together in the pursuit of a greater good, seemingly impossibly dreams be-

come very possible realities.Rabbi Bryski is particularly proud of the fact that people from all walks of life ral-lied to support the building campaign in spite of the diffi cult economic times. It is a refl ection of the spirit of commit-ment and self-sacrifi ce that animates this community that in times such as these, when hardly anybody out there is build-ing, weve been able to move full speed ahead with building a better and brighter future for our children, he says. He further points out that the opening of the Center for Jewish Life on the back par-cel of Chabads Canwood Street site will mark the completion of Phase One of a two-phase project that will become known as the new Chabad of the Conejo Com-munity Campus. Phase Two will include the construction of a new synagogue and lecture-hall on the front parcel. The Center for Jewish Life with its new wings of classroom, offi ce and meeting space will enable Chabad to increase enrollment in its adult education, teen outreach and Hebrew School programs while offering new programs for senior citizens and children with special needs through its reputable Sunshine Club and Friendship Circle programs. The

facility which is wired with the latest technological advancements, including smart-boards and high-end computer hardware and software will also allow for a research library and essential conferenc-ing for community-related issues.The construction of the new center was headed up by Martin Teitelbaum, princi-pal of MTC and a close friend and strong supporter of Chabad of the Conejo, who served as the general contractor of the project. It is inspiring to see just how beautiful this structure has turned out to be, says Teitelbaum. It is certainly the most personally uplifting and meaning-ful construction project Ive been a part of in all of my years in this business. He hopefully and optimistically anticipates going to work on Phase Two of the Com-munity Campus shortly after the Center for Jewish Life is up and running. Once we cut that ribbon, marking the formal culmination of Phase One, Im pretty sure my mind will become preoccupied with the new Synagogue and Lecture Hall Building that will be Phase Two.The Grand Opening festivities on Sep-tember 18th which will get underway at 30345 Canwwod Street, beginning at 11 am will include live music, remarks

On Sunday, September 18, 2011, a host of dignitaries and community leaders are expected to join with many multitudes from throughout Southern California in

opening the doors to Chabad of the Conejos new Center for Jewish Life in Agoura Hills.

CENTER FOR jEWISH LIFE

by political and communal leaders and the grand ribbon cutting ceremony followed by open tours of the new Center for Jewish Life. Over the past three decades, as thousands of lives have been touched by this organization, there has been this looming awareness that, if only given the facilities, our growth could be not just incremental, but exponential, says a very enthusiastic Rabbi Moshe Bryski Thanks to the vision and generosity of so many dedicated friends and supporters, we are about to enter that new era of outreach and education. I hope that individuals and families will come out in full force to cel-ebrate this joyous and historic milestone on September 18th.Chabad of the Conejos network of commu-nity centers span the region from Calabasas to Newbury Park. The organization is famous for its open door policy, welcoming people from all walks of life to participate in its pro-grams and services, regardless of background, affi liation or level of observance. For further information regarding the Grand Opening or available building dedications, call 818-991-0991 or visit www.chabadconejo.com/building.

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lgniting The Jewish SparkHHHHHHIDABROOTIDABROOTIDABROOT

Reaching 1.5 Million Homes With Over 120,000 Viewers Daily. The biggest kiruv shiur, and it's every day. "On any given day in Eretz Yisrael, some 120,000 Jews many of whom knew abso-lutely nothing about Yiddishkeit as little as a year ago- are tuning in to Hidabroot yearning to come closer to Hashem!" (English Mishpacha 7/15/09)

Over 120,000 Viewers

Filming Department Advanced equipment, costing hun-dreds of thousands of dollars. The director of a famous media net-work who visited Hidabroots studios was impressed by the systems, which are all the latest word in technology. Some of the equipment even surpass-es his own systems. (HaMachanehHaChareidi, 10/13/08)

Editing DepartmentOver 50 hours of editing for each program! Chareidi so-ciety keeps its distance from television. But that doesnt stop Hidabroot, run by chare-idim and directed by Rabban-im, from showing the secular public that they know how to produce a show. (Channel Two, 9/3/07)

Broadcast Studio watch Hidabroot LIVE!Over 150 new shows a month! The organi-zation has invested tremendous resources in creating the studios, at a cost of millions of dollars, all to be able to serve a full plate of Yiddishkeit to every Jew. (Hebrew Mish-pacha, 12/6/07)

Follow UpOver 10,000 Jews contact Hidabroot monthly. The number of the Hidabroot 24-hour call cen-ter ashes across the screen after every show. Callers are received by Hidabroots caring and professional staff. Every caller receives person-al guidance on how to continue. One caller is sent to a seminar while another gets a Ravs answer to a hala-chic question and yet anothers children are sent to a To-rah school. (Chinuch,

sent to a seminar while another gets a Ravs answer to a hala-chic question and yet anothers children are sent to a To-rah school. (Chinuch,

Ask A Rav, By E-MailOver 3,000 inquiries a month. The room gives the impressions of an in-tensive care unit for souls. In this room, hundreds of homes on the verge of col-lapse have been saved, and thousands of aveiros prevented. The conversations conducted from here have produced beautiful homes and families. (Kol HaIr, 10/23/08)

Website www.hidabroot.orgAverage of 28,000 visitors a day! Hidabroot has built an impressive media network over the years, which exposes hundreds of thou-sands of Jews a month to their roots. (Ha-Shavua BiYerushalayim, 9/4/08)

Hidabroot MagazineOver 5,000 subscribers. Hidabroot publishes a high-resolution magazine, whose standards rival publications in the general sector. The 50 pages are lled with fascinating articles on subjects that interest the average Is-raeli. (Hamodia, 7/19/06)raeli. (Hamodia, Seminars And

LecturesOver 85,000 partici-pants a year. This is the second year running that Hidab-root has managed to bring together thousands of Jews, thirsty for Torah, under one roof in the Yad Eliyahu stadium in Tel Aviv We saw people who had come from all over the country. (BaKe-hilah, 10/3/08)

Field WorkKits are distributed in busy, public loca-tions. Hidabroot volunteers bring Yid-dishkeit into nonobservant homes in a calm, non-threatening way and with a pleasant and professional touch. (Dati Dromi, 7/4/08)

Hidabroot Is making an History!- Be part of itWe Cant make it without you!!

Hidabroot- The latest in Judaism and communication.For nearly a decade Hidabroot organization built a name and reputation.

Started with a group of initiative, to work for the common good, and slowly build a powerful informative organization of the values of Judaism and rabbinic tradition.

Our main goal is to bring unity among the jews around the world!

60www.aish.com/wallcam

The next best thing to standing there.

59

Western man looks to external accomplishments for self-respect, driven by a need to achieve what others will recognize as status symbols. He will readily identify himself by his profession or career. "I'm a stockbroker, a vice president of marketing, a Harvard graduate." If others are impressed, it reassures us that we're important.

Western society's focus on external accomplishment decreases the chance of developing genuine self-esteem.But this focus on external accomplishment implants an intense fear of failure. We're afraid that if no one is impressed, what will happen to our self-esteem? The house of cards we've built will collapse.Each time Jack parks his Lexus (complete with the supple leather interior), in his driveway, he feels he's "made it."A year later, Jack's model is outdated and the neighbors are no longer impressed. His facade collapses, his self-esteem is crushed. What now?

EVOLUTION AND THE BATTLE FOR SELF-ESTEEM

Evolution teaches that a human is simply a sophisticated form of animal, with no more or less intrinsic value than any another creature, be it a cat or a worm.The underlying message is that a human has no inherent source of self-esteem. Rather he needs tangible accomplishments to feel "successful." What tremendous pressure!If "success" is our only ticket to self-respect, then many of us will never get there. And those with the good fortune to achieve such "success" will always live in fear of losing it through circumstances beyond their control. We may have all the talent in the world, but we can end up tripping on the pavement and missing the interview!

Man is created with a soul, a divine spark of God. Self-respect is a birthright.Judaism starts with the premise that each human being is created in the image of God. With such a lofty starting point, self-respect is therefore every human's birthright.Many mitzvot in Judaism guide us how to treat other

people. These are based on the recognition that man has inherent dignity and self-worth -- regardless of whether or not he has "accomplished" anything of significance.

EFFORT VERSUS RESULTS"According to the effort is the reward." (Talmud - Pirkei Avot 5:27)In Judaism, it is the struggle, not the achievement of a goal, that matters. Because the final outcome anyway

rests in the hands of the Almighty.A person can thus succeed by winning a moral struggle, even if there are no tangible results.But effort is difficult to quantify, so in our materialistic

world we tend to disregard its value.You are watching two people compete in a 100-meter dash. One runs a world record time of 9.3 seconds. The other crosses the finish line in 30 seconds.

Who attained success? The record breaker of course!Except that the one who clocked 30 seconds had developed polio as a child, was unable to walk until he was 14-years-old, and had invested years of painful, grueling exercise until he was finally able to even run the

distance.We can never measure anyone's value based on external success, because we can never know the circumstances he has had to deal with.

Never measure anyone's value based on external success, because you don't know his set of circumstances.Self-esteem comes from knowing you're making the effort to grow. If we're making our best effort, we can live with a deep and abiding sense of satisfaction.

A TALMUDIC TALEEliezer was the son of Hurkanas, a leading rabbi of his generation and a very wealthy man.Eliezer was plowing on the mountain, and he began to cry. His father said: "Why are you crying? If it's hot up on the mountain, I'll move you down to the plain." So Eliezer began to plow in the plain, and cried there too."Why are you crying?" Hurkanas asked."I want to learn Torah," said Eliezer. He cried until

Elijah the Prophet came and told him to go to Jerusalem and seek out Rebbe Yochanan Ben Zakkai, the greatest sage of his generation.Eliezer went to Jerusalem -- and you guessed it -- started crying: "I want to learn Torah."Rebbe Yochanan Ben Zakkai asked: "Didn't they even teach you to say the Shema?""Nope."And so the great sage, Rebbe Yochanan Ben Zakkai, taught Eliezer the ABCs of Judaism. Then he said, "Very good, Eliezer. We were successful. Now it's time for you to go."Eliezer started crying: "I want to learn more Torah."So Rebbe Yochanan Ben Zakkai taught Eliezer the Five Books of Moses and the Oral Law. After this, Rebbe Yochanan said, "Eliezer, it is time for you to go."Eliezer cried: "I want to learn more Torah!"And so it went. Then one day, Eliezer was sitting and learning Torah in the back of the study hall. Unexpectedly, his father Hurkanas walked in. At which point, Rebbe Yochanan Ben Zakkai told Eliezer to move to the front and recite his Torah aloud.After Eliezer had finished, Hurkanas stood up, and

beaming with pride, said: "Eliezer, at first I wanted to

give my property to all of my sons but you. But now I am going to give everything I have to you and you alone!"Eliezer replied, "My father, if I wanted gold and silver, I would have stayed working on the farm. All I want is Torah." And Rabbi Eliezer Ben Hurkanas went on to become the leader of his generation, and the teacher of the great Rebbe Akiva.

THE LESSON UNFOLDSThere are many difficulties with this story.

1. How could it be that Hurkanas, a great rabbi and wealthy man, did not teach his son Torah?2. Why did Hurkanas make his son do the menial labor of plowing? He could have hired other workers to plow, and given his son a supervisory position.3. Why did Elijah the Prophet tell Eliezer to go learn basic Judaism from such an esteemed sage as Rebbe Yochanan ben Zakkai? Any intermediate yeshiva student

How to attain true

self-esteemThe importance of self-esteem is not debatable.

The renowned psychologist Dr. Abraham Maslow lists self-esteem at the top of man's hierarchy of needs behind only food, shelter and interpersonalrelationships.How we attain that respect is another issue.

by Rabbi Noah Weinberg

could have done that!There is only one answer to explain all of these difficulties. Eliezer had a head made of straw. He was

extremely slow.Of course, Hurkanas hired teachers for his son! But even the best teacher couldn't get Shema into the thick head of Eliezer! So what is a father supposed to do with such a son? Make him a foreman? No way! Give him a plow. At least he'll be productive.But Eliezer cried: "I want to learn Torah!" The only one left who stood a chance of getting through to Eliezer was the leader of the generation, Rebbe Yochanan Ben Zakkai.Rebbe Yochanan struggled and achieved a major accomplishment: He taught Eliezer the basics. And when Eliezer cried for more, Rebbe Yochanan realized it had worked once, maybe he could teach him more. And so it went, until Eliezer became one of the greatest scholars of his generation.

You have to want it so badly that you will cry for it.From all of this we see that even the slowest of the slow can achieve greatness. The secret? You have to want it so badly that you will cry for it. This was the merit of Rabbi Eliezer Ben Hurkanas.

SUCCESS IS A GIFT FROM GOD"Each and every Jew should strive to become as great as Moses." -- Maimonides, Laws of Teshuva 5:2Obviously, not all of us are born with the intelligence, character and leadership qualities of Moses. So how can

we be expected to become as great as Moses?If you make the effort, you will find results. (Talmud -

Megillah 6b)What do we mean by "find results?" Why not just say,

"If you try, you'll see results"?The answer is that effort and results are not cause and effect. Reaching great heights does not depend upon our natural talents and capabilities. Effort is our responsibility, but results are a "find" -- a gift from God.

And God will give us whatever we need to succeed.

If "success" is our only ticket to self-respect, then many of us will never get there

Potential for greatness is unlimited when we have the power of the Almighty behind us.The Jewish people are called the "children of God" (Deut. 14:1, Talmud - Pirkei Avot 3:18). Just as a father naturally wants to give everything good to his children, so too God wants us to have all that is good.Here's the real secret of success: Regardless of our mortal limitations, our potential for greatness is unlimited when we have the power of the Almighty behind us.All God asks is that we try. Don't keep Him waiting.aish.com

57

In Judaism every day is Mother's Day

Father's DayHappy

Parent'sDay

Happy

Parent's

Day

It's one of the Ten Commandments -- right up there with belief in God and "don't murder." The Talmud regards it as one of the most difficult mitzvot to perform properly. What's so special about the mitzvah to honor parents?Many people think that honoring parents is some kind

of payback for all those years of changing diapers and paying for college. Actually, this mitzvah was given to the generation who wandered 40 years in the desert, where God automatically provided everyone's needs. The parents didn't feed their children; they had the manna to eat. The parents didn't provide clothing; the clothes grew with them and never needed washing.Nevertheless, it was precisely this generation who stood at Mount Sinai and heard God utter, "Honor your father and mother."We learn from here an amazing thing: This mitzvah

honoring parents does not depend on what your parents did for you, or even whether they were good parents. Rather, we honor parents simply because they gave us the gift of life.Imagine you were drowning and a stranger came along and

saved your life. You would be forever indebted to that person. All the more so we should be grateful to our parents who gave us life.The Talmud teaches that there are three partners in the

formation of a person: father, mother, and the Almighty. If we have gratitude to our parents for the gift of life, how much more so we'll be grateful to God for creating and sustaining the entire world -- for giving us air to breathe, flowers to smell, and soil to walk on.

By honoring those who brought us into existence, we learn not to take things for granted and develop an appreciation for the kindness of others. With that introduction, let's get to the practical "how to" of honoring parents.

How to HonorThere are actually two parts to this mitzvah:Honor your parents (in Hebrew, kibbud av v'eim) -- these are the positive "to do" actions.Revere your parents (in Hebrew, morah) -- the "don't do" actions.The basic way to honor parents is to care for their needs.

Specifically, this includes:

1. Bringing them food and drink,including helping with meal preparation and grocery shopping assisting them with paying bills, banking, etc.2. Transporting them, e.g. giving a ride to the doctor.3. When possible, it is preferable for a child to live near the

parents, to better care for their needs. There are really no limits to this; the Talmud tells how the great Rabbi Tarfon would bend down to serve as a step-stool for his mother to climb in and out of bed. Parents should be visited and phoned as frequently as possible, depending on the parent's

needs and child's schedule. In general, be sensitive to the fact that parents naturally worry about their children. Try to send a quick e-mail or phone message every day or two. Especially

if you are traveling, call to let them know that you arrived safely.If the parent is old and informed, the child is responsible to

arrange for his care, and must pay for it if the parent cannot afford to do so.Of course, you should never let your parents feel that they

are a burden, or that you are assisting only out of obligation. As a reward for honoring parents, the Torah promises long life. One possible explanation is that taking care of parents -- especially when they are elderly -- can be very time-consuming. So God "compensates," so to speak, by adding extra years to your own life.As an added bonus, when your children will see you

honoring your parents, they will learn this importance of this mitzvah. That's the payback when it comes your turn to be on the receiving end.

AdmirationHonoring parents goes beyond just "doing favors." An

element of this mitzvah is to admire your parents and consider them to be eminent people. For example, if you hear someone speak negatively about your parents, you are required to speak up and defend their honor. Even more,

you should make a specific effort to love your parents, to the

point of developing hero worship! How is this achieved? The definition of love is "the pleasure of identifying people with

their virtues." You should try to discover the qualities that

make your parents extraordinary, among the greatest people alive. The more of your parents' virtues you're aware, the more you'll appreciate, love and honor them. (However, even if you don't develop this "love," the obligation remains to honor them.)The Talmud suggests other ways to increase admiration: If you need a favor -- e.g. you want the car mechanic

to fix your muffler ASAP -- you should ask him to do it "as

a favor to my parents." Even if the mechanic would do it for you anyway, phrasing it this way increases your parents' esteem in everyone's eyes. Another way to build admiration is to stand up

when your parent enters the room. At first glance this

may seem strange in our modern society. But imagine you were sitting at a board meeting and the chairman walked in; you would rise out of respect to greet him. We should accustom ourselves to treating our parents the same way -- standing up to welcome them when they arrive, and escorting them when they leave.In general, a child should be eager to fulfill his parents'

wishes. There are some limits, however: If a parent instructs a child to do something that violates

Jewish law, the child should respectfully refuse to do so. A child need not comply with a parents request to do

something painful or demeaning. Similarly, a child should refuse to assist the parent in

doing anything that is dangerous or unhealthy. There are three specific areas that, due to their intense

personal nature, a person is not required to respect his

parents' wishes: choosing who to marry

maximizing one's Torah studies

wanting to move to Israel

Regarding financial loss: A child does not have to support

or listen to his parents if it involves his own personal loss of money. However, he is required to bear an "indirect" loss

i.e. by visiting and spending time with them, even if this means a loss of potential wages.

Awe and ReverenceBesides the mitzvah to honor parents, there is a second

aspect of awe and reverence. The particulars of how to fulfill

this may depend on the society in which you live. But the basic principle is that there must be clear lines: "I am the parent and you are the child. We are not equals."

This is typically achieved by observing the following guidelines: Do not sit in a place that is designated for your parent.

For example, don't sit in your mother's seat at the dinner table, and don't sit in your father's special easy chair (unless you've asked permission). Do not contradict anything your parent says, even if it's

obviously wrong. Rather, you can phrase it as an uncertainty: "If I'm not mistaken, I may have read differently." You should not even validate your parent's words in their

presence, i.e. do not say, "I believe what you're saying is correct." (However, validating the parents' opinion when not in their presence accords them honor.) Do not address your parents by their first name. In a

&

By Rabbi Shraga Simmons

56

situation where you need to state your parent's name, you should add a title, e.g. "My father is Mr. Joshua Goldberg." Do not wake a parent who is sleeping, or make noise that

might disturb him. A child should not see his parent naked.

Do not raise your voice, speak disrespectfully, or in any

way demean your parent. Beyond this, hitting or cursing a parent is an extremely serious transgression. Sometimes, a parent might feel uncomfortable with the rules of honoring parents, especially when teaching (and enforcing!) them to younger children. But it's important to keep in mind that more than for the sake of the parents' honor, all this is to instill good character traits in the child, to give him a framework for future relationships -- with friends and colleagues, with his own children, and with God.

Posthumous HonorThe obligation to honor and respect parents applies even

after they have passed away. [48] When referring to a parent who has passed away, you should add an expression of honor, for example: "My father, zichrono li'vracha" -- may his memory be for

a blessing. (For a mother, the first word is zichrona).

"My father, alav ha'shalom" -- peace be upon him. (For a mother, the first word is aleh'ha).

Once you are married and have children of your own, naming a child after your deceased relatives -- parents, grandparents and other relatives -- is considered an honor for your parents. The Sefardic custom is to also name after living relatives. Other ways to posthumously honor a parent include: Donating to charity in their memory

Reciting Kaddish for the first 11 months after

death, and on each yahrtzeit (anniversary of death) Saying the Yizkor memorial prayer on Jewish holidays

Lighting a memorial candle on the yahrtzeit

Learning Torah on the yahrtzeit

In general, raising your level of Jewish commitment (i.e. Torah study and mitzvot) is a great source of merit for your parents, even after they pass away. [58]

The RelativesThere are a number of "secondary" relatives who a child

is also obligated to honor: grandparents

in-laws

step-parents

older siblings

aunts and uncles

In a case of conflicting demands, honoring an actual

parent takes precedence. Also, the obligation to honor these other relatives does not

include the aspects of "awe and reverence" (e.g. calling by first name, sitting in their chair, etc.).

Finally, every parent has a deep desire to see their family at peace with one another. Therefore children must be very sensitive to the pain it can cause parents if they are quarrelling with siblings and other relatives.

The Difficult ParentThe reality is, of course, that parents are not perfect. And

some parents are objectively problematic. Yet no matter how difficult a parent's behavior, a child is still obligated to

show honor and respect. This applies even if a biological parent has abandoned his child. And it applies even if the parent is rude, unpleasant, and an embarrassment. The Talmud tells the story of a mother who spit in her son's face -- while the son kept his composure and continued to accord her honor.At the same time, while honoring your parents is a

tremendous mitzvah, you also need to be responsible for your own welfare. One is not required to endanger

his emotional or physical health for a parent. Therefore, if a child cannot cope with the parent's behavior, he is permitted to keep his distance. The obligation of the mitzvah, however, still applies.

For instance it would still be forbidden to use the parent's first name or to contradict him publicly. And it is always

appropriate for a child to feel a deep appreciation to a parent for giving him the gift of life.Of course, all this does not in any way absolve an abusive

parent. On the contrary, a parent should not be overly strict with his own honor, and may choose to forgo that

honor when appropriate. Children are precious gems that are deposited with

parents for polishing and finishing. Parents who fail to build

a warm and loving relationship with their children will pay a heavy price for this negligence.

Divine ParadigmAs we mentioned earlier, honoring parents serves as a

springboard for the gratitude we should feel toward God. But this issue goes much deeper. The commentators point out that the first five of the Ten Commandments (i.e. the

first tablet) contains mitzvot between man and God: don't

serve idols, don't take God's name in vain, etc., whereas the second tablet contains mitzvot between man and man: don't murder, don't steal, etc.Where is the mitzvah to honor one's parents? In the

first set of five. Because from the moment of infancy and

beyond, the way a parent acts toward a child forms in the

child's consciousness a paradigm for how God relates to us. The primary role of a parent, therefore, is to communicate to the child: You are loved and cherished. You are unique

and special, creative and talented. You are cared for and protected.The most important message a parent can communicate

is: "You are not alone in this world." This idea is the foundation of our relationship with God. A person may find themselves in a terrible situation -- illness, poverty, war

-- but they can still know that God is with them. If a parent is untrustworthy and uncaring, unusually

harsh or permissive, it subconsciously sets into the child's mind that God must somehow be the same. This is an emotional handicap that can be difficult to overcome later

in life.One final thought: As society progresses, there may be a

tendency for children to feel "ahead" of their parents. Sure, kids today are more technologically savvy, and are up on the latest music and fashions. But in Jewish consciousness, parents are to be respected because they are the source of our tradition. In other words, parents not only gave us life in this world, but are the link that connects us to our eternal Jewish heritage.

Join the Hidabroot FamilyHidabroot Organization is in need of writers and telemarketing

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Has there ever been a greater mystery?Is there anyone who doesn't yearn to learn the

secrets of love?Can a formula for love really be created?

What do Judaism and the Bible say about love?

Love.

The first, and perhaps most puzzling thing we need to understand about love, is that Judaism does not treat love as an ideal, a conviction, a principle, a beautiful concept, or an untamed passion. It is an obligation. A duty. A responsibility. A requirement.

Yes, you may read that again. Despite everything you've ever seen, felt, heard, or believed about the splendor, allure, fascination, and magic of love bottom line is it's an obligation.Now, don't get turned off. The fact that Judaism sees love

as an obligation does not mean that it has no magic, allure, or fascination. It has all of that, and more! Love has an infinite amount of intrigue and power, but primarily it is an

obligation.Where does this come from? What does this mean?Here is what the Bible says:"You shall not take revenge and you shall not bear a

grudge; you shall love your neighbor as yourself, I am God." (Leviticus 19:18)Let us examine this key concept in greater depth and,

in the process, we will uncover some of the greatest secrets in how to achieve a really successful and satisfying relationship.The QuestionsGod instructs, indeed commands us, to love each other.

And while doing so, he surrounds the commandment with seemingly extraneous information. This prompts us to do what Jews do best ask questions.

The above verse is one of over 5,000 verses in the Bible; and it is one of the most compelling. Read it again and see if you are bothered by the same perplexities that trouble us.

1. How can "love" possibly be an obligation? Either you love someone or you don't. Who ever heard of legislating an emotion?! It's not something you can obligate someone to do.2. The same verse in the Bible that obligates us to love

one another also says: "Don't take revenge and don't bear a grudge." What does taking revenge or bearing a grudge have to do with loving your neighbor? What are these commandments doing together in the same verse?3. Why does the verse say, "love your neighbor as

yourself ?" The Bible never uses extra words, so what is the phrase "as yourself" coming to add?4. The original Hebrew words, v'ahavta l'reacha,'

which most often are translated in English as: "love your neighbor" should really be translated "love your friend."

Why does the Bible refer to our neighbor as "friend?"5. The verse ends with the words, "I am God." What does

this have to do with loving your friend?Answering these five questions, will give us the ingredients

for a virtual treasure chest in our perpetual quest for

understanding what love really is and how we can acquire

it.1. How is it possible to command "love"?

At first blush, the thought of obligating any emotion

seems absurd, if not impossible. Demanding that someone "feel" anything appears to be totally antithetical to what sensations are all about. And yet, if God instructs us to so, it must be possible.It is.Consider the following example:You have two children a girl, 6 and a boy, age 9. One

day you walk into the house and hear loud voices. Your son's voice is loudest, so naturally you summon him to the den."Heywhat's all the yelling about," you ask?"I hate my sister," is the reply. "I hate her, hate her, hate

her!!!"What do you think your most likely response might be to

this outburst?"Well, I can understand that. If you hate her, you hate her.

It's a feeling, so I guess it's O.K. What's for dinner tonight?"

Idiocy!You would do nothing of the sort! You'd probably say

what most parents say at times like that:"Don't talk that way! You have to love your sister!"Whereupon he is likely to reply:"But I'm only telling you the truth. You want me to lie?

How can I love that little brat? I really hate her."And in case you should inquire as to why he hates his

sister, you may hear:"Because she took the bigger piece of cake." Or, "She took

my eraser without asking me." "She moved my chair." (You have to have kids to appreciate this.)Now, if this goes on for long, you're likely to lose your

temper. You won't stand for it. You'll say,"That's the reason you hate your sister?! That's nonsense!

You have to love your sister!"You're not simply suggesting that the brother love his

sister; you're demanding it. Between brothers and sisters, love is not something that's just preferable; it's something we expect. Nothing in the world should get in the way of

their love.So not only is demanding love not impossible, it's actually

something that most of us are used to doing all the time. Moreover, it is precisely by accepting upon ourselves the obligation to love someone that we begin to understand the process of how to love.Parents, even before their children are born, are naturally

committed to loving their children, and are therefore determined to focus primarily on what is good about their child.The real question is, however, how can we activate this

process in all of our relationships -- to be able to love "at will"? In order to do that we need to become consciously aware of the dynamics which take place within a person who accepts the obligation to love.The Jews vs. CupidTo begin to understand this better, let's contrast the

definition of love as seen by the Jewish People versus

Western civilization's view of love. Judaism defines love as:

the emotional pleasure a human being experiences when he understands and focuses on the virtues of another human being. The emotion of love, therefore, is overwhelmingly dependent upon how one views another person. If we choose to focus on a person's virtues, we will love them. If we choose to focus on their deficiencies, we will dislike

them.[Not as simple as it sounds, but not as complicated as you

might think.]This explains how the Bible can obligate us to love

someone. The way we choose to view other people is completely within our control. To attain the feeling of love, the Bible obligates us to focus on another person's virtues. By extension, we will love them. And the more intimately we know someone and his virtues, the deeper our love will become. Western culture, on the other hand is heavily influenced by secular ideologies, in this case, the Greek

concept of love Cupid. You know the story. Cupid flits

around with his wings, shoots a man and a woman with an arrow, and -- presto! -- they're in love.This concept of love dominates the Western world. It

deludes us into believing that love is a mystical "happening." You don't work on loving people. It either happens or it doesn't.In Western consciousness, love is a stroke of "fate."

There's no rhyme or reason. There's no effort involved. Love is not based on commitment or on any deep

by Rabbi Noah Weinberg and Rabbi Yaakov Salomon

54

understanding of the person that you love.In Greek style/American style love, two people "fall" in

love and get married. They just "happen" to "fall" in love as if they were victims. Loving someone is not really a a choice at all! So, if you want to stay married, all you can do is hope and pray that Cupid doesn't shoot you again! It's no surprise that this philosophy has produced a society with a divorce rate of over 50 %.The Jewish outlook, on the other hand, is that love

is based upon the understanding and appreciation of another's virtues. When people are truly committed to focusing on each other's virtues, they won't "fall" out of love. This is exactly why so few people completely abandon their kids.Ask a parent:"Did your children ever keep you up all night,

whooping and coughing, and driving you batty?" "Yes." "Did you ever lose your temper and think, 'I'd love to strangle this little monster?'" "Well, occasionally, it did happen, I'm only human." "Do you still love your kids?" "Of course, I love my kids."No parent ever gets up the next morning and says, "I'm

not giving you breakfast because you kept me up last night."We don't stop caring about our children just because

they annoy us. We don't "fall out of love" with our kids, because we understand that loving our children isn't just a "happening." It's a responsibility that we are committed to from the time they're born. We know their virtues because as parents we accept the obligation to love them despite the aggravation.If we would only carry that same commitment into to

our marriages and friendships, we'd all be a lot better off.2. How is not taking revenge and bearing a

grudge related to love?

There are actually three separate commandments contained within one verse:

Don't take revenge,Don't bear a grudge, and

Love your neighbor as yourself.

Why are these three commandments in the same verse? What does one have to do with the other?Their placement is not at all

accidental or incidental. In juxtaposing these commands, the Bible is revealing yet another secret of how to love.If you train yourself not to try to "even the score" by

taking revenge, then you won't bother to remember things people do wrong to you and thus you won't be bearing a grudge. Then all that remains for you to focus on are the good things. Nothing negative will be holding you back from seeing the merits and loving the other person. In other words, the road is now clear for you to pay careful attention to perfecting the love formula understanding and focusing on the virtues of another human being.

3. Why does the Bible verse command loving

your neighbor "as yourself"?

Say you're slicing some Muenster cheese and you accidentally cut your finger, would you take revenge by

grabbing the knife and cutting your other hand? After all, it was your other hand that perpetrated the offense, was it not??Of course not. Your other hand is as much a part of

you as anything else. Revenge would be insane!When we learn to appreciate that we are all truly

united, then hurting the other guy by "paying him back" is as ridiculous as hurting yourself. That's why the Bible says: Love your neighbor "as yourself." If I realize that the other guy and I are really part of the very same unit, then revenge is as silly as cutting my other hand with the

knife.Now, all this unity talk may sound to you

like pie in the sky, but, in fact, this is what the Almighty really wants for

us. This state of harmony somehow continues to elude us, and we, as a people, are sinking deeper and deeper into the abyss of dissension

and cacophony. It's sad.More often than not, it takes conflict

or war against a common enemy to bring this message home to the human race. History bears this out

all too painfully.You need look no further than the aftermath of the

World Trade Center terror attack to see this point clearly. Citizens around the country, in short order, cast aside petty differences in favor of rallying around the President and democracy. Coalitions of every color, race, and creed imaginable formed on local, national, and international fronts. Political allegiance and previous bias were no match for the bourgeoning super-patriotism wrought upon us by our enemies. Such is the power of unity when we need it.Similar phenomena have been recorded throughout

time, as God must periodically resort to the most painful of avenues to bring the messages of togetherness to the

fore. How much healthier and more prudent would it be, if only mankind

learned this lesson on its own without the agonizing Divine intervention.Parents naturally relate this way to their children. No

matter how badly children misbehave, parents don't stop loving them. Annoyance? Yes. Reprimand? Of course. But normal parents don't take revenge on their own children. They don't bear a grudge, because they relate to their children as an extension of themselves; so hurting our children is really hurting ourselves. Since parents don't desire revenge, they're able to forget the bad things and focus on the good. That's why it's easy for parents to love their children.This very same dynamic can work with any

relationship! With parents and children, the process is more instinctive. But when it comes to marriage, the potential for oneness is even greater! Unlike the parent/child affiliation, spouses actually choose each other,

allowing for the prospects for enhanced unity to be even greater! But it does take a lot more worknaturally.

4) Why does the Bible refer to our fellow as

"friend?"

The Hebrew word reacha, "your friend," conveys more accurately than "your neighbor" that we're really in this together; we're on the same side. And that's the feeling everyone should have about each other.Of course, friendship, like love, is another theme that

has been extensively reflected upon. And the two topics

are inexorably connected to one another. Gaining a deeper understanding in the dynamics of friendship can also help us in our odyssey to know and attain real love.The following two stories about friendship, taken from

Jewish folk lore, lend clarity to the meaning of friendship and love. The first one helps us answer Question #4

the second one helps us with the final question. Together

they speak volumes about the ingredients of love and why God places such a premium on loving one another.There was once a father and son who were discussing

the topic of friendship.The father said, "You know, son, it's tough to make

friends." The son said, "What do you mean, Dad? I have lots of friends." "How many friends do you have," the father asked? The son thought for a long while and said, "I've counted them up. I must have 200 friends!" "200 friends? A young man like you?" said the father. "That's amazing. I can't believe it." "Why, Dad? How many friends do you have?" "Me? My whole life I've worked really hard at it and I've only achieved half a friend." "But Dad, everybody likes you. You're a wonderful man. What are you talking about - only a half a friend? And what is half a friend, anyway?" "Look son, you have to know whether your friends are really your friends. A friend in need is a friend in deed. Why don't you test it

by Rabbi Noah Weinberg and Rabbi Yaakov Salomon

53

out and see if your friends are really friends?"The father had an idea. Being that this story may

have taken place during the Roman occupation of Israel, over 2000 years ago, you need to know that the Romans were especially stringent in law and order. If they caught a murderer or a thief, they'd mete out swift and harsh judgment. And they did the same to anyone thought to be an accomplice to the crime. They meant business."Here's what you do," the father suggested. "A goat's

blood resembles human blood. Take a goat, slaughter it and put it in a sack. Then at night, go to your friends and say, 'You've got to help me. I went to a bar last night and had a little too much to drink. There was a guy there who started insulting me and we got into an argument. He took a swing at me, I took a swing back at him, the fight

rolled into the street, and I hit him a little too hard and killed him. Now I've got to get rid of the body. Otherwise I'm a dead duck.' Then ask your friends to help you get rid of the body."The son thought it was a great idea and he tried it out.

Night after night, he took the sack of goat meat around to all his friends. It took him a couple of weeks and a few goats, but he got through his 200 friends.As you might guess, not one wanted anything to do with

him. They understood that he wasn't responsible, that the other fellow started the fight, but they didn't want any

part of it.Finally, the son came back to his father and said, "Dad,

I guess you're right. My friends aren't such good friends. How about your half-a-friend? Maybe he'll help."The father said, "Sure, try him out. Go to his house, and

tell him you're Chaim's son. Tell him what happened, and see whether he helps you."That night the son knocked at his father's friend's door."Who's there?" a frightened voice asked. "It's Chaim's

son." "Oh, Chaim's son! Come in. What can I do for you?"The son told him the whole story about the bar and the

fight and the body.

"Well, really, I shouldn't help you, but what can I do, you're Chaim's son?"He took the boy out in the backyard. They dug a hole

and buried the sack."Now go back home. Stay out of the bars. If somebody

insults you, just keep quiet. But most of all, forget you

ever met me."The son went back to his father and said, "Dad, why

do you call him a half-a-friend? He's the only one who helped me!""What did he say to you?" "He said, 'Really I shouldn't

help you, but you're Chaim's son, what can I do?'" "That's half a friend," said the father. "Somebody who pauses and says, 'Really I shouldn't do this.' That's a half a friend." "Then Dad, what's a real friend?"So, his father told him this next story (cited in Shtei

Yados) which will help us answer our last question.

5. Why does the verse end with

"I am God"?

Two young men had grown up together and become very close friends. They were living at a time when the Roman Empire was split into two parts -- one half controlled by an emperor in Rome and the other half ruled by an emperor in Syria. After each of the friends married, one moved to Rome and the other moved to Syria. Together they started an import-export business,

and though they lived far apart, they remained very close friends. One time, when the fellow from Rome was visiting in Syria, someone accused him of being a spy for Rome and plotting against the emperor. He was an innocent man -- it was just a vicious rumor. So, they brought him to the Syrian Emperor, and he was subsequently sentenced to death.

When he was being led out to his execution, he was asked if he had any last requests. The accused man

pleaded: "Please, I'm an innocent man, but I can't prove it. So, if I'm going to die, at least let me go back to Rome first, settle my affairs, and say goodbye to my family.

They don't know my business, like who owes me money, where all my goods are. Let me just go back to Rome, put my affairs in order, and then I'll come back and you can execute me."The Emperor laughed at him. "What are you, crazy?

You think we'd let you go? What possible guarantee will we have that you're going to come back?"The Jew said, "Wait. I have a friend here in Syria who

will stand in for me. He'll be my guarantor. If I don't come back, you can kill him instead."The Emperor was intrigued. "This I've got to see. Okay,

bring in your friend."The fellow from Syria was called in. Sure enough, he

agreed without hesitation to take the Roman Jew's place in prison, and to be killed in his stead if the friend did not return.The Emperor was so startled by this arrangement that

he agreed to let the Roman Jew go. "I'll give you 60 days. Put your affairs in order. If you're not back by the dawn of the 60th day, your friend is dead."Off went the Roman Jew, racing back to his family to

say goodbye and to put his affairs in order. After a lot of tears and good-byes, he started back in plenty of time before the 60 days were up.These were the days of sailing galleys, and sometimes

you could sit for days waiting for the right wind to come up. As luck would have it, there was no wind for several days, the sailboat was delayed, and by the time the Jew arrived in Syria, dawn of the 60th day was breaking.As agreed, the jailers took out the fellow from Syria for

the execution. In those days, an execution was a gala affair, and early in the morning the crowds began to gather. Finally, as they were just about to perform the execution, the fellow from Rome came running in. "Wait! Stop! I'm back. Don't kill him. I'm the real prisoner!"The executioner let the fellow from Syria go and was

about to take the Jew from Rome in his place. "Wait a minute," the reprieved guarantor argued. "You can't kill him. His time limit was up. I'm the guarantor. You've got to kill me instead!"The two friends were equally adamant. "Kill me

instead!" "No, kill me!" The executioner didn't know what to do. The crowd was in an uproar, watching them fight

it out.Finally, the Emperor stepped in. In wonder and

amazement, he turned to the two of them and said, "I'll let both of you go free on one condition. That you make me your third friend!"That's friendship. That's true unity.That's why the same verse that says, "Love your

neighbor," also says "I am God." Unity and friendship among God's children is so precious that God says, so to speak, "If you love each other, I want to be your third

friend." That means if we're united, we have the power of God behind us.Unity is so precious to God that even when we are

not as good as we should be, our unity allows us to achieve far more than any one holy, talented, or great individual could possibly achieve alone. In sports, we call it, "teamwork." Teams with unusual selflessness and

chemistry often topple opponents with greater raw skill and power.In life, we call it "love."We see examples of this in Jewish history. Ahab --

despite the fact that he was an evil king -- was more successful in battle than any other king the Jewish people ever had. Why? Because he benefited from exceptional

unity among the Jewish populace. God granted the Jews military success, despite the sinister intentions of their leader. Unity is the quality God wants most for all His

children. Simply put, when we are united, God is our "third friend."Infighting and strife amongst us is therefore our most

insidious and debilitating enemy. Disharmony prevents us from being a predominant force, and reduces us to an impotent collection of self-absorbed individuals.If we're united, the Almighty is with us. If we're divided,

we're on our own.It's called, "the power of Love." n

52

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Grad school graduation was a day of excitement, pride over my accomplishments and hope for a bright future. I was 22 and had two degrees, a can do attitude, and a lifetime of debt. I was ready to go but I wasnt prepared for the dismal economy that waited to welcome me into the professional world. I was a highly educated, goal-driven all-American over achiever who was using a Masters degree to baby sit and clean homes. But I knew I wasnt alone. Millions of young, bright and talented Americans were struggling to fi nd work. Unemployment, or underemployment, brings with it a lot of ills besides the lack of a paycheck. Healthy self-esteem can be elusive when you have nowhere to go day after day. With grad school loans to pay back and a strong desire not to have to move back in with mom and dad, recent grads can be even more vulnerable to the potential slide into a negative self-image and depression. So, what can you do when youre master plan is slowed down by a lousy economy and a non-existent job market?

Here are 10 strategies for staying positive:

You are not what you eat and you are not what you do. Your food, clothing and job do not defi ne or dictate who you are or who you want to be. Take a minute each morning to remind yourself that your innate value as a person is not based on having a job (or having money in your pocket, for that matter) and use the time to focus on building respect for yourself. You are worth it. Clean that mess upIf your lack of professional success has left you discouraged, dont take it out on your apartment. Losing your keys in the mess on your kitchen table and then wading through the pile of dirty dishes and take-out containers until you fi nd one thats clean enough to drink out of is the last thing you need.. This isnt college. Youre not living in a frat house. Youll feel better about yourself and your space if you can keep it clean and organized. Get up and get dressed Sleeping in can be nice for a few days or even a week or two. But it gets old fast and it will not help you snap out of your unemployment funk. I know Ive been there.

Instead of starting your day late in the afternoon, try getting up early, getting dressed before 9 am and using your time well. Getting out of pajamas is one of the fi rst steps to boosting your self-esteem. Networking in fuzzy slippers and an oversized t-shirt is way less effective than casual business attire and matching socks.

Explore your creativity You fi nally have time for that project you always wished you could get to. Start painting your walls or an artists canvas. Fung shui your living room. Start visiting the colorful alleys and stalls of local fl ea markets and see if you can fi nd any treasures that inspire your own creative juices. Do something concrete that you can point to and say, I did that and Im proud of it.

Volunteer Just because you cant fi nd a job that pays doesnt mean you cant fi nd work. Take all of your skills and eager desire to do, and get busy. Being a giver feels great. Being able to meet the needs of others guarantees you a healthy shot of self-esteem. Plus you may meet new, like-minded people all working towards the goal of making this world a better place.

How to boost your How to boost your How to boost your self esteem when self esteem when self esteem when you're getting you're getting you're getting kicked around in kicked around in kicked around in the job market.the job market.the job market.

Redefine your value

by Sirena Rubino

50

Its time to get up off the couch, pop in those ear buds and go for a walk or jog around the neighborhood. Regular exercise has been scientifi cally proven to help reduce stress, anxiety and depression through the release of endorphins. Endorphins trigger positive feelings in your mind and in your body. So grab your favorite tunes or a favorite friend and set aside some time each day to get together and exercise.

Say thank youOkay, so maybe youre not exactly thrilled with life right now. But stop and take a second to rewind... Is it all bad? Dont let your unemployment cloud rain on all the good stuff coming your way. Did you get a smile from the cashier? Did a friendly neighbor take the time to ask how youre doing? Are your employed friends inviting you to events and trying to help you network? If you take a second to notice and be thankful each time some positive energy comes your way, all those good vibes get stored in your mental piggy bank. Then you can draw on all your positive experiences when you need a little pick-me-up. And when youre ready, you can start sending your own good

vibes out into the world and encouraging others as well. Start by acknowledging one experience each day that you are grateful for even if its as simple as a cool breeze on a hot day. Experiencing gratitude will make you a happier, more self-confi dent person which also makes you more employable.

The social networkJust because you have 500 friends on Facebook does not mean you dont have to get out there and socialize. Youre not working, but that doesnt mean you should be cooped up, depressed and not having any fun. If money is whats worrying you dont sweat it. Summer is coming, which means plenty of free outdoor fun for you to take advantage of. Go for a bike ride with a friend or plan a potluck barbeque in the park or at the beach (you gotta eat, right?). Re-connect with old acquaintances and ask them to bring new friends along so you can network with potential new co-workers.

Educate yourself Read the newspaper. Pick up a book off the best-seller stand. Take a class or follow online forums on your favorite subjects. Do things that will stimulate your mind and keep you in the loop of whats going on in

the world. You will feel good about yourself for being an informed, worldly person and your self-education might even open up new doors for employment opportunities.

The reward systemYou may be out of work, but that doesnt mean you dont have responsibilities. There are resumes to be sent out, groceries to be bought, laundry to get done, and a whole slew of other chores you know you have to dobut just havent gotten around to in your unemployment funk. Combat your inner laziness by giving yourself small rewards for accomplishing tasks you dislike and ticking off everything on that days To Do list. Be sure to set realistic goals for yourself and then take a second to congratulate yourself upon accomplishing them. You will feel more productive, self-confi dent and employable if you know you can set goals and meet them.Healthy self-esteem is one of the most important things to focus on during this diffi cult time. If you have ideas for staying positive while being out of work, share them below!

Exercise

by Sirena Rubino

aish.com

" With grad school loans to pay back " With grad school loans to pay back " With grad school loans to pay back " With grad school loans to pay back " With grad school loans to pay back " With grad school loans to pay back " With grad school loans to pay back " With grad school loans to pay back " With grad school loans to pay back and a strong desire not to have to and a strong desire not to have to and a strong desire not to have to and a strong desire not to have to and a strong desire not to have to and a strong desire not to have to and a strong desire not to have to and a strong desire not to have to and a strong desire not to have to move back in with mom and dad, recent move back in with mom and dad, recent move back in with mom and dad, recent move back in with mom and dad, recent move back in with mom and dad, recent move back in with mom and dad, recent move back in with mom and dad, recent move back in with mom and dad, recent move back in with mom and dad, recent grads can be even more vulnerable to grads can be even more vulnerable to grads can be even more vulnerable to grads can be even more vulnerable to grads can be even more vulnerable to grads can be even more vulnerable to grads can be even more vulnerable to grads can be even more vulnerable to grads can be even more vulnerable to the potential slide into a negative the potential slide into a negative the potential slide into a negative the potential slide into a negative the potential slide into a negative the potential slide into a negative the potential slide into a negative the potential slide into a negative the potential slide into a negative self-image and depression. self-image and depression. self-image and depression. self-image and depression. self-image and depression. self-image and depression. self-image and depression. self-image and depression. self-image and depression. So, what can you do when you're master So, what can you do when you're master So, what can you do when you're master So, what can you do when you're master So, what can you do when you're master So, what can you do when you're master So, what can you do when you're master So, what can you do when you're master So, what can you do when you're master plan is slowed down by a lousy economy plan is slowed down by a lousy economy plan is slowed down by a lousy economy plan is slowed down by a lousy economy plan is slowed down by a lousy economy plan is slowed down by a lousy economy plan is slowed down by a lousy economy plan is slowed down by a lousy economy plan is slowed down by a lousy economy and a non-existent job market? " and a non-existent job market? " and a non-existent job market? " and a non-existent job market? " and a non-existent job market? " and a non-existent job market? " and a non-existent job market? " and a non-existent job market? " and a non-existent job market? "

49

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August 2011