Baby of the Bride

Chapter 1To another woman, the baby's cry echoing down the hall might have been an unwelcome interruption, an interference that meant she had to stop her own activities and tend to someone else's needs.But not for Rachel St. James.For Rachel, the cry meant something else entirely. In fact, to her, the baby's wail was the sweetest sound in the world.She jumped to her feet and hurried down the parqueted hall toward the newly decorated nursery. As she passed her husband's study, she paused, then glanced inside. He was on the phoneas usual. When he saw her, he grimaced toward the receiver propped against his shoulder and pantomimed the fact that he'd be with her as soon as he could.Too excited to mind, Rachel smiled and nodded, then kept going toward the baby's room. A second later she entered the nursery, the plush pink carpeting swallowing her footsteps as she crossed the room toward the crib that held the one-month-old infant."It's okay, sweetie. Your mommy's here." Rachel scooped up the baby and cupped her daughter's head with her hands, smiling all the while. "Mommy's here."Mommy. Daughter. Nursery. They had to be the most wonderful words in the world, but they were words Rachel had almost given up hope of ever applying to herself. She and William had been married for twelve years, and for twelve years, she'd yearned for this baby and everything else associated with a child.Twelve incredibly long years.Years of tests, years of drugs, years of self-doubt and heavy guilt when she'd even begun to wonder if her infertility was psychologicalsomething William had told her was ridiculous to think. One short phone call less than twenty-four hours ago from their adoption attorney, Sylvia Martin, had changed all that completely, though. Had erased the tears and fears and sadness as if it had never existed.The baby gurgled and grunted and started to cry once more. And at the very same time, Rachel realized why. A large dark splotch now stained the front of her silk pant-suit and had started to spread. She knew it was ridiculous, but all Rachel could do was laugh with delight. "Oh, my gosh, Elizabeth, would you look at that!" Rachel replaced her grin with a mock frown. "You just ruined a very expensive outfit, young lady. I'm going to have to take that out of your allowance!"As if she understood her mother's words, the baby started to cry even louder, and Rachel instantly began to soothe her. "It's all right, darling. Mommy didn't mean it. Not at all." For a second, Rachel held the baby even tighter and, ignoring the wet spot, murmured sweet reassurances to her daughter. When the baby's sniffles dried up, Rachel carried her to the changing table and gently placed her on the padded top."I hope I do this right, Elizabeth, but you're going to have to bear with me just a little bit here. I don't have much experience with changing diapers, you know."Her words notwithstanding, Rachel deftly removed the damp diaper, her hands brushing over the velvet skin with an inborn mother's touch. Freed from the confines of the diaper, the baby kicked her legs and fussed, the sound bringing another smile to Rachel's lips. She paused and stared at Elizabeth, an incredible sense of love overwhelming her. Rachel had never felt anything so strong. Never.Capturing the baby's waving hands with her own, Rachel leaned down and looked into the child's eyes. "I'm going to love you for the rest of your life," Rachel whispered. "I'll be there for you forever and ever. The first time you walk. The first time you speak. The first time you write on the walls with a red crayon." The baby stared at her, and Rachel's heart swelled. "I'll always love you, Elizabeth St. James. No matter what."The baby cooed once more as Rachel finished her task, the scent of baby powder and lotion filling the beautiful room. With the fresh diaper in place, she picked the infant up again and turned. At that instant, William entered the room.Rachel grinned with delight. "She had a wet diaper. I changed it."His eyes swept over her silk jacket. "I can see. Maybe next time you might want to wear an apron before you attempt that task." "It's not important." Rachel kissed the baby's cheek and closed her eyes, the skin under her lips feeling like the softest petal on a rose. "That's what cleaners are for.""You won't be saying that after a few more of those, I'm sure."Rachel opened her eyes and stared at her husband. He didn't understand, but she didn't mind. A family had never been an obsession for him like it had been for her, and she'd always known that. He had his business. That was his passion. St. James Development had over a dozen engineers, six secretaries, and investors around the world for whom he found oil and produced money. Most people worked to live. William lived to work. Sometimes she wished it were different... but she understood, too.Elizabeth sighed and snuggled deeper into Rachel's arms. Rachel found herself staring at the baby's downy head once more. "Isn't she incredible, William? I can hardly believe she's actually ours." She looked up. "Do you want to hold her for a little while?"His eyes went to the baby but he was already shaking his head. "I'd love to, honey, but I've got to get back to work.""So soon? Don't you want to take a break?""I can't. I'm expecting an overseas call, and Paul Delaney is coming over, too. I called him""Paul Delaney? Today?" Rachel had nothing against William's business associate. He was a handsome man with a real knack for working with William's investors. He could get them to write checks bigger than William ever had. Still... "I thought we might have a family evening, William. I've got a nice dinner in the oven. Afterward we could head out for a drive. It's so gorgeous outside." "That sounds wonderful, babe, but I just can't. I've got this big deal going on with these guys in South America, and you know how it goes"Indeed she did."I understand," she said quietly, her disappointment going on the back shelf where she always put it. "Maybe next week.""Next week," he repeated, with a smile. "Next week would be good."The portable phone in his hand began to ring, and he turned his attention to it, their quick exchange obviously already forgotten. She stared at him a moment longer, then started back toward the crib."Rach?"His voice stopped her, and she turned around hopefully. Maybe he'd changed his mind. "Yes?"His hand was over the receiver. "Paul likes martinis. Would you please put a glass in the freezer so it can chill?" Before she could answer, he was speaking into the phone again.Rachel St. James opened the door, and as Paul stood on the threshold and stared at her, the realization overwhelmed him againas alwaysof how beautiful she was. And how much he loved her.It didn't matter that she was married.It didn't matter that her husband was Paul's business associate.It didn't even matter that Paul couldn't explain the emotion, only feel it.To Paul Delaney, nothing mattered. He'd loved Rachel from the moment he'd met her.She didn't know, of course, and looking at her now, in the soft light of the dying day, Paul knew she'd never know. There were some things in life that just weren't meant to be. A relationship between him and Rachel St. James was definitely one of those things. She and William had the perfect marriageand Paul Delaney would be the last man in the world to threaten something like that. He knew how rare good marriages were."Hello, Paul." Her voice was as gentle as the last rays of sun edging over the mountains behind him. "Please, come in."Her invitation was hard to turn downany opportunity to see Rachel was precious to Paulbut he had no intention of staying. He knew they'd picked up their baby daughter today, and seeing Rachel and a child was simply too much. Once again, he thanked God he was moving to South America to open the newest branch of St. James Development. The loneliness would be awful, but it couldn't be worse than what Paul felt now every time he saw Rachel and William together.Standing where he was, Paul held out a large brown envelope and kept his voice neutral. "I can't stay, Rachel, but thank you, anyway. I just stopped by to drop these off."An expression of concern came over her delicate features, then she pulled her bottom lip in. "Oh, dear. I guess William didn't know. He wanted to talk to you." She was totally unaware of her effect on Paul, her melodious voice wrapping around him like a silk scarf. "Can't you come in for just a moment? I'd love to introduce you to Elizabeth."He hadn't thought it possible, but at the mention of the baby's name, Rachel's face turned even more radiant.And his heart took an even deeper dive.What else could he do? "I'd love to see her," he said quietly. He followed Rachel into the entry hall, noticing, as usual, how perfectly she was dressed, a pair of pale pink slacks and an oversized tunic making her seem even more petite. Small pearl earrings decorated the lobes of her ears. As a rule, Paul didn't notice women's shoes, but Rachel's were impossible not to notice. Peeking out from the hem of her pants, the pink tennis shoes were dotted with small white pearls.He'd never seen her look less than immaculate, but she wasn't one of those cool, distant women whose flawless appearance said "look, but don't touch." She was a warm, inviting woman with a generous spirit. A toucher, too. He'd often seen her lean forward to take William's arm or brush his hand as she spoke.As Paul watched her hang up his coat, he remembered one time specifically. She'd dropped William off at work. Paul had looked down from his office window as they'd kissed in the car, Rachel's hand around William's neck, her fingers brushing his hair. William had hurried away a second later, but she'd held her fingers to her lips and watched him disappear into the building. Paul had been unable to see her face because he'd turned away, a flame burning inside him as fierce as it was undeniable. He'd never acknowledged, until that point, how intense his lonelinessand his envywas.Stepping from the closet, she smiled and tilted her head toward the living room. "Let's have our drinks first, then I'll take you to the baby."He followed her into a room of generous proportions, one wall made up of French doors that revealed an inviting pool and sloping yard, the Colorado mountains shimmering in the evening dusk beyond, their October foliage an extravagance of gold. Paul moved toward these windows while she went to the wet bar in the corner of the tasteful room. A second later, carrying two glasses, she walked up to him and offered him the chilled one."I hope I did your drink right," she said, looking up at Paul through thick, dark lashes. "I've never been too good a bartender."He found himself smilingsomething he did infrequently. "It's perfect, I'm sure." As if to prove the point, he sipped. The drink was perfectperfectly awfulbut he swallowed hard and continued to smile, the almost straight shot of gin going down his throat like fire.Rachel stood next to him and stared out the window. A second later, she reached up to minutely adjust the nearby silk curtains, the scent of her perfume wafting toward him. He swallowed hard again."I didn't want to come here today," he found himself saying. "I didn't want to bother you."Her fingers let the drapery slide out as she tilted her head to look at him. "It's not a bother. I understand there's a lot going on at the office."Paul doubted Rachel really knew what was happening at the office. Besides Paul and William, no one knew what a precarious state St. James Development was in. William wanted everyone in the dark, Rachel especially. He'd told Paul once that he wanted to protect her from all that, to keep the gritty details of the business away from her so she wouldn't have to worry about them like he did.And Paul didn't blame him. If Rachel were his wife, he'd want to do the same. She was that kind of womanshe made you want to protect her and love her and keep her happy.He took a deep breath and tried to steer the conversation away from the business. "You must be terribly excited. It's not every day you get to bring home a brand-new baby, is it?" he said, sipping his drink. "I didn't think it would ever happen." She ran a finger over the edge of her wineglass, her voice suddenly so happy he smiled just hearing it. "She's the most beautiful baby in the world, Paul. And I love her so much. I can't believe she's actually ours. The whole process went so smoothly I think I'm still holding my breath, waiting for something to happen. Of course, she isn't legally ours until the court hearings are done, but I'm sure"Just then, William entered, his shoes clattering down the two broad steps that led into the room, the portable phone plastered against his ear. "I'll get back to you as soon as I can, Senor Sabatini. Gracias." He clicked it off then spoke without preamble. "Pauldid you bring those papers?"Paul nodded toward the sofa table where Rachel had placed the envelope. "They're right there.""Excellent." William picked up the papers, then spoke to Rachel, his eyes on the envelope as he ripped open the flap. "Could you close the door on your way out, honey? We're going to be tied up quite a while and I don't want to be disturbed.""Of course." She headed out of the room, then stopped in the center of the double doorway, her hands outstretched as she reached for the brass levers. "Paul?"He looked over William's head to meet her warm gray eyes. "Yes?""Call me when you two finish. I'll take you to see the baby.""Of course."Without another word, she slipped from the room."Those people in Argentina have no idea of the expenses we've got looking at us, Paul. To open an office down there is going to cost us a fortune, and now they're insisting we hire at least twenty nationals as part of the deal." William's voice was full of tension. "They say we can't even bid on the field if we don't add that clause to the contract."It took Paul a moment to concentrate on William's words. He was still hearing his name the way Rachel spoke it.William didn't notice. He ran a hand through his short, gray-streaked hair and took a deep breath. "I don't know how we're going to do it. And we're in too damn far to quit."Forcing himself to focus, Paul answered, "It's never too late to quit."William shook the papers in his hands. "It is in this case. We have to bid, and we have to win. I don't want to even think about what would happen if we lost." His voice was grim."We'd make it okay, William. We always do.""I doubt it." A red flush started at William's neck and slowly moved upward to color his face. He stuck a finger inside his collar and pulled uncomfortably at the edge. "I've invested too much of my time and too much of my life in this company to see it go into the toilet now. All I can say is it's a damn good thing I managed to get a second mortg" He broke off abruptly and sat down heavily into a nearby chair with a moan, his hand going down to his chest then falling limply into his lap.Shocked, Paul rushed to William's side and dropped to one knee. "Are you okay? What's wrong?""It'sit's nothing," he stuttered, waving his hand toward Paul. "Nothing but some indigestion." He pulled a small roll of tablets from his pocket and peeled two of them off to stick in his mouth. His fingers shook. "It's nothing," he repeated."This doesn't look like nothing, William. Are you sure""I'm fine!" William cut him off sharply. "And don't say anything about this to anyone, especially Rachel. I don't want her worrying about me." He pushed himself up in the chair and sat straighter. "All I need is the investors to think there's something wrong with me. You might as well put a gun to my head. The company would be ruined.""Of course," Paul said. "I won't say a word, but maybe this discussion could wait another day? I'm sure you want to spend some time with Rachel and the baby, anyway"William shook his head impatiently. "It can't wait. We've got to talk about"It took Paul only a second to decide. "No. Not now." He spoke firmly. "We can discuss it tomorrow. At the office. You need to rest."For a second, it looked as if William would argue, then he seemed to shrink within the chair. He nodded his head. "Maybe you're right. I... I guess it can wait." He sat quietly for a few more moments, then pushed himself up from the chair. "I'll call Rachel for you."The three of them stood beside the crib, Paul on one side, Rachel and William on the other. William had his arm draped over Rachel's shoulder and he was leaning on her. She was obviously too excited about the baby to notice that it was more than an affectionate gesture."I think she already recognizes me," Rachel said, her eyes glowing in the pale lamp beside the bed."Already?" William's voice was light with none of the earlier stress in it that Paul had heard. He wondered if William was rightmaybe he had just been experiencing indigestion. "Don't you think that's stretching things, honey?" "No." Rachel shook her head stubbornly, her glance never leaving the child's face. "She knows me. I came in here a little while ago to check on her and she smiled at me.William's arm tightened around Rachel's shoulders and he looked over at Paul with a wink. "That's gas."With a mischievous look, she elbowed William and grinned. "You're just jealous because she doesn't know you yet."Paul forced himself to look down at the child and away from Rachel and William. It was a special kind of torture for him to see the two of them together. Looking at the baby didn't help, either. She made him think about the family and wife he didn't have.Rachel leaned over the crib, her gaze on Paul. "Do you want to hold her?" she asked.He forced his voice into a casual timbre. "I don't have much experience in that arena, but I'm game if she is."Rachel smiled. "Don't worryexperience in the baby department is pretty slim in this house. She won't know the difference."She reached in and slipped her hands under the baby's head and torso, lifting her up and cradling her against her breasts. Walking carefully around the crib, Rachel looked up at Paul. "Just hold your arms out," she instructed. "I'll put her in them."Feeling awkward but incredibly drawn, Paul did as Rachel said. A second later, the baby was in his arms, a warm, but surprisingly heavy weight against his own chest. She looked up at him with bright blue eyes. And smiled.Something turned over in his heart. Paul didn't know the emotion and couldn't have put a name to it if his life had depended on it. All he knew was that it felt wonderful... and sad at the very same time. Rachel stood beside him, reaching out and adjusting the collar of the baby's flowered nightgown. "Who's got you?" she cooed toward the child. "Who's holding you now?"The infant responded by babbling softly and jerking her hands in the air. Paul couldn't help himself. He grinned widely and put one finger out. She grasped it.Rachel raised her face to his, her eyes filled with love. "Can you believe it?" she breathed. "Isn't she wonderful?"All he could do was look at Rachel and nod. She was wonderful. And the baby was pretty great, too.That evening, just before she dropped off to sleep, Rachel realized Paul Delaney had held Elizabeth in his arms for more than twenty minutes.William had yet to even pick her up.Rachel added another log to the fireplace, then turned around and crossed the living room to stand beside the playpen where Elizabeth was sleeping. She'd grown so much in just eight weeks, Rachel couldn't believe it."I guess I'd gain weight too if all I did was sleep and eat." Rachel bent down and brushed her fingers over the downy blond hair that covered the baby's head. "Must be nice to have a job like that."She rocked back on her heels and stared at her daughter. Every day, Rachel discovered something new and wonderful about being a mother. It was as if she'd been born to the task. William, on the other hand, had been so busy they'd hardly seen him. In fact, the last time they'd had more than two hours together was the day they'd brought Elizabeth home. Since then, he'd either been out of town or had come home after Rachel had gone to bed. It bothered her, of course, but every time she let herself be disappointed, an equal amount of guilt would appear, as well. She had absolutely no right to be upsethe was working hard for all of them.The front door bell rang, interrupting her thoughts. Rachel frowned, then rose and headed toward the entryway, glancing at her watch as she walked. It was well past nine, and she was expecting no one. Had William forgotten his key?She glanced through the glass of the front door and saw the tall outline of Paul Delaney. A flash of surprise came over herhe wasn't the type of person who would just drop by. But she hadn't thought he'd be the kind of man who would send baby presents, either. The day after he'd held Elizabeth, though, a gigantic lady teddy bear had arrived. In bright pink thread, "Elizabear" had been embroidered on its lacy vest.She opened the door. "Paulwhat a pleasant surprise. William's not home yet, but..." His expression was so grave, Rachel felt the words die on her lips. "What... what's wrong?""May I come in?""Of course." She stepped aside, then quickly closed the door behind him, a few flakes of snow coming in with him. An unexpected storm had started in the mountains this morning and had made its way down the valley by noon. Already the yard was white and beautiful. "Let me take your coat."He shrugged his broad shoulders out of the white-flecked overcoat, then handed it to her. Taking the garment from him, she stood still and looked at him, alarm bells sounding in her head.A deep furrow split his forehead. He started to speak, then stopped, his hand going to a lock of black hair that had fallen down. "I've got some bad news, Rachel. Very bad.""What... what is it?""Can we sit down?""Of course." Her throat suddenly dry, Rachel turned around and led him into the living room. They stopped in front of the fireplace."I've just come from the hospital." His voice was thick, as if he were having a hard time speaking.His words were so unexpected, it took her a second to understand. "The hospital?""It's William," he said. "He... he had a heart attack, Rachel.""Oh, my God." A sweep of nausea came over her, and she reached for the mantel to steady herself, Paul's expensive cashmere coat becoming a mound at her feet. "How is he? He's okay, isn't he?"Without answering, Paul reached out and put his hands on her shoulders, his dark, deep eyes locking on hers. Instinctively, she knew his answer, but denied it, anyway."No." It was the only thing she could manage to say. "No.""I'm sorry, Rachel. There was nothing we could do. He... he died before the ambulance even arrived." Chapter 2Januaryfour months laterRachel lowered the volume on the stereo, then turned back to face Paul. Bright sunshine poured in through the glass behind her, highlighting her silver-blond hair and turning her skin luminescent. Her navy blue dress and severe-looking high heels made her seem even thinner than she already was. Paul wished he could tell her to eat better, to take care of herself, to let the sun warm her skin a little, but he couldn't. Even though he'd been beside her and helped as much as he could the past four months, he was still nothing more to her than the man who'd worked with her husband.Nothing more.He thought back to the day William had died. He'd asked Paul to take care of Rachel and Elizabeth, to watch over them for him. Paul couldn't tell Rachel that he would have done that, anywaywithout William asking him tojust as he couldn't tell her why he felt that way. What kind of man would tell a new widow that he'd been in love with her for years? He'd avoided the details of what had happened that dreadful day that William had died, and Paul had every intention of keeping it that way."I really appreciate you coming over today," she said, her soft voice unable to hide the tension behind her words. "I...I know it's another imposition, but I didn't know who else to ask. If Abe and Emma could have gotten here in time""I'm glad you called me, and it's not an imposition. Not at all. I meant it when I offered to help you. Besides, the roads are supposed to get worse tonight. A front's coming in. I wouldn't want your aunt and uncle to get stuck in bad weather."Nodding her agreement, Rachel turned to the bookcase at her side and moved a crystal vase a quarter of an inch. The beautiful furniture looked as out of place in the small, older home as she did, but she'd had no choice. The payments on the big house were too much to carry; William had taken a second mortgage on it so he'd have more money for the company. She'd had to move.Her gaze roamed over the back garden as if she were surprised that the day could be so beautiful. She turned and looked at Paul, the helpless expression of grief and confusion in her eyes twisting his stomach with concern. "I have no idea what Sylvia wants, but I'm scared. Really scared.""She didn't say anything?""No. Only that it was too complicated to explain over the phone. She had some depositions to take and then a court appearance at one. She said she'd be here after that. I offered to go to her office, but she said she had to be on this side of town for a meeting and she'd just stop by." Rachel hesitated, a frown crossing her forehead. "I got the feeling that she didn't want me there. For whatever reason, she wanted to come here.""Maybe she has a question about William's estate. It could be nothing more than that."Rachel shook her head. "Sylvia didn't do his will. She's a family law attorney, nothing more. In fact, we didn't even know her before she'd handled Elizabeth's adoption for us.""It's probably not important, Rachel. Just some formalities. Don't you think she'd have told you if it was something more?""I don't know. She's been so busy lately" Rachelshook her head, her words falling off before she spoke again. "But I can't imagine that there would be a problem with the adoption papers. Before he... he died, William assured me that everything was in perfect order. That there'd be no problem.""And I'm sure he was right," Paul said smoothly. The words sounded good, but in the back of his mind, he was already wondering himself. Why hadn't the attorney just called? He forced away the questions and tried to sound positive. "Maybe she just wants to reassure herself that you're doing all right, that the baby's fine."For the first time since he'd arrived, Rachel's face broke into a smile, and the transformation almost took away his breath. "Elizabeth couldn't be more fine. In fact, she's the only thing that's kept me sane." Like the sun on a cloudy day, her smile hid once more. "Especially with all the trouble at the company..." She looked at him. "Have you heard any more?"He'd been hoping Rachel wouldn't bring up the businesshe didn't want to lie to her, and foremost in his mind were William's words about burdening her with the details of the business. She was the owner of St. James now, though. And that made everything different. He took a deep breath. "To be honest with you, the rumormongers are going wild. If we don't get those investors settled down, the company's going to be in even bigger trouble than it is right now."She made a sound of disbelief. "I don't see how that could happen.""It can," he said grimly. "In fact, as much as I hate it, I may have to let some of the secretaries go.""Oh, no. Do you have to?" Rachel's gaze darkened with dismay. "Pearl's been with William for years. I just can't imagine her looking for another job at her age. And there's Marilynshe's pregnant." She brought her hand to her throat. "And what about Louise? Her husband just lost his own job. We can't lay her off now, too."He stared at her swimming gray eyes and felt his decision evaporate in their warmth. What was a few more months? He'd been paying the secretaries' salaries out of his own salary for three months, anyway, some vestige of hope in him that the company might survive, after all. "Well, maybe I can work something else out," he said."Could you?" She smiled so gratefully, it was almost as if it were her check he'd agreed to keep coming. He turned his eyes away from her. He'd been paying for that since William's death, too."I'll try," he answered. "But we're going to have to do something, Rachel. And soon. William tied us so tightly to that well in Argentina that I have to follow through on it. I'm going to talk to his contact there, Senor Sabatini, in the next few days, but frankly I think we're stuck, and I don't know where we're going to get the money. We're damned if we do, and definitely damned if we don't."She turned and looked out the window. "If he hadn't borrowed against his life insurance policy...""It wouldn't make any difference," Paul said gently. "We need more money than that. Lots more."Outside, a sudden bank of winter clouds had unexpectedly covered the sun, and as the shadow passed over the window Rachel closed her eyes and rubbed her forehead. It was all Paul could do not to take her into his arms and promise her he'd make things all right. Whether it was possible or not."I don't know what else can happen," she said quietly. "Thank God I've got Elizabeth"The doorbell broke into Rachel's words, and she flinched at the sound. For a moment, Paul had the distinct impression that she wouldn't answer it, then she seemed to gather herself and she moved toward the entry hall.The door opened, and he heard the deeper tones of another woman's voice as she greeted Rachel. When they both entered the living room a moment later, Paul was surprised by Sylvia Martin's appearance. He'd expected someone much younger, much more contemporary. Instead, the attorney looked like someone's grandmother, her dark suit attempting but failing to camouflage a more than generous waistline. Sensible low heels and straight silver hair added to the image. He might have expected her to be carrying a plate of cookies if he'd seen her walking down the street."Hello there." She spoke in a bright, cheery voice and extended her hand toward him. "Sylvia Martin. And you're...?""This is Paul Delaney, Sylvia," Rachel said. "I told you about him. He worked with William""Oh, yes." Curiosity flashed through the older woman's hazel eyes. "I'm glad to meet you, Mr. Delaney," she said. "I hope things are going well at St. James's. I know you've been a great help to Rachel with the details of the business. She told me you had."Paul glanced at Rachel, and she smiled at him as if to confirm the attorney's words. His heart melted around the edges."I'm trying," he answered truthfully.She nodded. "Sometimes it's difficult when a company like William's loses its owner. Things get.. .complicated."Complicated? Complicated didn't even start to describe it."I'm sure we'll work it all out in time." His earlier nervousness returned, and finding himself inexplicably anxious to make her think everything was normal, Paul spoke again. "In fact, we're about to undertake a major expansion into South America.""How exciting." Sylvia made the comment by rote, without the smallest bit of real interest, and it was at that point that Paul realized she was nervous. Her eyes were darting around the room, and her face had a tight, pinched look about it that he'd be willing to bet was not her usual expression. The perception increased his own uneasiness, and flashing Rachel a look, he wondered if she'd noticed the attorney's discomfiture.If she had, she wasn't revealing it. "Would you like a cup of tea, Sylvia? Or something to eat? I just made some bread.""No, no, my dear. My figure can't take any more stuffing than it already has, but thank you, anyway." She smiled, but the effort was obviously strained. "I think we'd better just talk right now."They sat down, and Rachel spoke, her voice soft and questioning. "I hope that nothing's wrong, Sylvia. With Elizabeth's papers and everything." She paused for a moment, then continued, obviously trying to keep the apprehension from seeping into her voice. "I told myself I was being sillyyou didn't have any problems last week when we met but..."The older woman looked down at her hands, then back up at Rachel."I am being silly.. .aren't I?" Rachel bit her bottom lip.Sylvia leaned forward in her chair, her elbows resting on her knees. She stared at the carpet a minute, then finally lifted her head. "I was hoping I could get everything resolved and not involve you at all. There is a problem, though, and that's why I wanted to come by today. I... I wanted to tell you this in person."Paul hadn't thought it possible, but Rachel's alabaster skin turned even paler. "Whatever it is, I'm sure we can solve it," she said, her voice rising imperceptibly. She glanced at him. "Right, Paul?""Absolutely," he said."I'm not so sure, my dear," the attorney replied. "In fact, I don't think there's any solution to this problem, but I have to think about Elizabeth. She has to be everyone's number one concern."In her lap, Rachel's fingers folded tightly together. Paul could barely stand to look at her. His eyes went to the attorney's face. A line of wrinkles furrowed her brow, and she looked almost as miserable as Rachel. It was obvious she was having to force herself to continue. "However much we hate it, the fact is, your circumstances have changed. And Hollis Sarif has found out." A small gasp came from Rachel's side of the room, and Paul's gaze jerked to her face. She'd gone completely white. "Elizabeth's birth mother" was all she said."Yes. Elizabeth's birth mother," Sylvia echoed, knitting her fingers together. "Right after Elizabeth's birth, Hollis went to Europe. She lived there until just recently. When she returned, she found out about William's death."Paul could almost see the fear rising from Rachel, and Sylvia looked as if she wanted to cry, too.The attorney took a deep breath, then spoke. "I don't know how to tell you this, Rachel, but Hollis said that she had approved of you and William because she wanted a two-parent family for her daughter. Now that that's no longer the case, she doesn't feel you're acceptable." Sylvia looked down at the floor then back up to Rachel. "She's insisting that I find another home for Elizabeth."The room turned silent, and a movement by the window caught Paul's eye. The clouds had delivered on their promise, and it had begun to snow. Big, fat flakes. By dark, the streets would be covered. Somewhere, down the road, a dog began to howl."I... I don't think I understand." Rachel's voice was tremulous.The attorney lifted her hands in a gesture of helplessness. "I'm sorry, Rachel, but I don't know what else to do. I've spent the past eight weeks trying to convince Hollis not to do this, but I've had no luck. She's insisting.""She...she wants Elizabeth back? Just because I'm alone?""She doesn't want her back. She wants her placed with a two-parent family."Slowly, a numbing paralysis started in Rachel's stomach and spread to her arms and legs. It would reach her heart at any moment, she knew, and then she would die. Of a heart attack.. .just like William had. Disjointedly, she wondered if he had felt this kind of pain in those last few moments."I hate it, but I have to tell you the contract between the two of you is ironclad. I make them that way because my reputation is at stake. That's why the birth mothers come to methey trust me to honor that agreement. If I violate that trust nowfor whatever reasonthen I won't have children for anyone anymore."All Rachel could do was shake her head. Disbelief, shock, fear, all coursed through her at once. She found her voice. "But you can't.. .you mean...you want to just take Elizabeth away? Is that what you're saying?"Sylvia looked up at her. "Yes," she said softly. "I'm afraid that's what I'm trying to tell you, Rachel. I don't want toGod knows I don't want tobut I have no other choice."The room began to spin, while underneath her fingertips, Rachel's pulse leaped. She closed her eyes, then a second later, opened them again. "I...I don't think that's possible." Looking at Paul, her mouth so dry she could hardly speak, she heard her voice rise. "Is it possible? Can they do that? Can they take her away from me?"Before Paul could answer, Sylvia spoke. "It is totally within the contract, Rachel. Look at your papers. Until the adoption is finalizedthrough the courtsthe baby isn't legally yours."The paralysis returned. Rachel couldn't even speak. Paul's voice filled the void."Ms. Martin, this is obviously a surprise, and I think Mrs. St. James needs some time to consider what this means." With a smoothness she might have appreciated any other time, Rachel watched him pick up Sylvia's coat and purse and hand them to her. "Could you let her come to terms with it? I'm sure she'll have some questions to ask you later."Almost gratefully, Sylvia took her things and rose. "Of course, I understand, and believe me, I do know how difficult this must be. It's hard for everyone.""Hard?" Rachel found her breath and repeated the word. "Hard? For you? What on God's earth are you talking about? How could you possibly understand the meaning of what you've just said?"Sylvia's face crumpled. "I'm sorry, Rachel. Truly I am. I have to uphold the contract, though. Surely you realize that""No." Rachel felt a surge of righteous anger take over. "Hollis is the one who has something to realize, Sylvia. I've just lost my husband, my way of life, and now she wants to take my child away from me, too?" Her hands turned to fists at her side, her stomach heaving. "How can she even consider such a thing? How can you? Elizabeth is my daughter. I... I love her. She loves me. Y-you can't take her away.""You signed the contract. It clearly states""Damn that contract," Rachel cried out. "We're talking about people's lives here! My life! My baby's! You can't reduce things like that to a piece of paper." Unaware that she was even moving, Rachel stepped forward. Sylvia's expression turned into one of alarm, then Rachel felt Paul's hand on her arm and she stopped, her chest heaving as her anger turned into despair.Taking a deep, ragged breath, Rachel tried to regain her control, her mind spinning and twirling until it landed on a single point. "At least let me talk to Hollis," she suddenly begged. "Maybe I can convince her that nothing's changed, that I'm still all right. Please?" Sylvia was already shaking her head. "You know I can't do that, Rachel. That's part of the contract, too"Beside her, Paul spoke quietly. "What can it hurt, Ms. Martin? Can't you at least ask the woman if she'd speak with Rachel?""Please," Rachel pleaded again. "After everything that's happened... let me have this chance at the very least."Sylvia's eyes filled up with tears, and for a moment the only sound in the room was Rachel's harsh breath. Finally, the attorney spoke. "All right. I'll ask, but she won't agree. She's been a stickler all the way." She opened the front door, a blast of frigid air coming in to swirl around them. Despite the cold, she stopped and looked at Rachel, the tears now running down her face. "I'm really sorry, Rachel. I really and truly am. But I think you should be prepared for the worst. You're going to have to give up the baby."A second later, the front door closed... and Rachel's heart shattered into a thousand tiny pieces.That night, Rachel stood beside the crib with the moonlight pouring in the window nearby, the faint scent of baby powder mixing with the fragrance rising from the vase of roses she'd splurged on at the market three days ago. Over the baby's bed, a mobile of crystal angels swung slowly, their wings occasionally touching to sound a gentle, bell-like chime.Rachel would never have thought it possible, but in the past four months, she'd come to love Elizabeth even more than she had the day they'd picked her up. Her needs had kept Rachel sane, had kept her from thinking. About the bed with the sheets so smooth on one side. About the dishwasher that rarely needed emptying because there weren't enough dirty dishes to fill it up. The grief and anger and even a vague sense of guilt were overwhelming at times, and only the baby could pull her out of the black hole she shared with the terrible emotions.She hadn't thought it could get any worse.But she'd been wrong. Very wrong.Rachel bent over, then eased a finger down the side of Elizabeth's smooth cheek. A tear slipped down her own face at the same time. "I won't let them take you," she said in a fierce whisper to the baby. "Never. Ever. No matter what happens, Elizabeth, I promise you that. Whatever it takes, I'll do it. I'm your mommy, so don't worry."Stuart Thomas's office held all the required diplomas, plaques and certificates befitting an attorney of his stature and reputation, but as she waited for the company lawyer the next day, Rachel's disquiet refused to be appeased. She was beginning to wonder if she'd ever be calm again.She'd called her aunt and uncle last night and given them the details, as much as she could in between her tears. They lived in Boulder, about an hour away, and just after William's death, they'd come and stayed with her for as long as she'd let them. It wasn't the first time they'd come to Rachel after death. When she was only five, she'd lost both her parents in a car wreck. For twenty years, Abe and Emma Hoke had been Rachel's surrogate parents.Finally, though, this time she'd had to tell them to go home. They had their own lives, their own friends, and she couldn't expect them to comfort her forever. They'd insisted on driving down again tonight.From her chair in front of the desk, Rachel glanced at Paul as he stood in one corner of the office. He'd helped her a tremendous amount since William's death, as well, and she knew the business couldn't have survived the past four months without him. She'd been aware of how much William had depended on him to run St. James, but she'd never had more than casual conversations with him before William's death. In fact, the day Paul had come over when they'd brought Elizabeth home was one of the few times she'd ever talked to him outside a company function.Briefly, with part of her mind, the part that wasn't terrified she was about to lose her child, Rachel wondered why Paul had helped her so much. She could understand his help with the business, but the difficult decisions with everything else? With the funeral? With the house? Why had he done it? And still, she realized with a start, she knew nothing about him personally. He never, ever, talked about himself.His dark eyes held secrets, though, secrets she'd glimpsed here and there in the past few months. If Rachel had had more time to think about it, she would have realized how uneasy that made her feel. William had been, for the most part, like an open book with her. And she should be thinking about him, not Paul Delaney.She blinked away the thoughts and focused on the moment. "Thank you for coming with me, Paul. You've done so much... including setting up this appointment. I don't know how I can ever"He seemed uncomfortable with her appreciation. ''Stuart's here for all of us, Rachel. You don't have to thank me for this.""But I'm sure you have enough going on at the office.""I wanted to hear what Stuart had to say about the situation." He shook his head, his dark hair brushing the collar of his impeccable white shirt. "I just can't believe they could actually take Elizabeth away from you. It's too... too""Cruel?" Suddenly impatient, Rachel stood as she spoke. "It is amazing, isn't it? One minute you think things are fine, and the next minute, your world is falling apart. It's cruel and unbelievable." Her throat closed on itself. She knew better than anyone that life wasn't fair. But Rachel turned so Paul couldn't see more of her distress. She'd already subjected the man to more than was necessary.An instant later, she felt him by her side and a pristine handkerchief appeared within her sight. She took it without turning and put it to her eyes, her poor red-rimmed eyes that couldn't take much more."There's got to be something that can be done,'' he said, his deep voice surprisingly soft. "Something."She dabbed her nose. The square of cloth held his cologne, and she found herself calmed by the clean, fresh scent. When she looked up at him, his eyesthose secret eyesregarded her carefully. His stare was so unlike William's pale blue gazemore intense, more piercing, somehowthat Rachel found herself disquieted. The moment broke when the door to the office opened to reveal Stuart Thomas.The rotund attorney breezed into the room. Rachel had seen the look that was in his eyes a hundred times in the past four months. Compassion, pity, curiositythey were all mixed together as he took her hand in his and squeezed it gently. "Hello, Mrs. St. James. Paul." The lawyer perched on the edge of his desk.If he had good news, he would have sat down, she thought instantly. He would want to be comfortable and take his time, to explain everything. As it was, he looked like a bird that wanted to fly away as soon as possible. She told herself she was being ridiculous, but before she could calm down, Stuart's words confirmed her suspicions."I've looked over the papers, and I'm afraid I don't have good news."Her heart tumbled, and she sat down hard. "How bad is it?""The birth mother is entirely within her rights, and you and William signed a contract that outlines it all. If, for any reason, any reason at all, she wants to terminate the adoption before it's final, that is her prerogative. The contract's very clear on that point.""Are you sure there aren't any loopholes, Stuart? Some way around it?"Rachel watched numbly as the attorney glanced at Paul and shook his head. "There's nothing. I had one of the interns search for other cases to see if there was a precedent for breaking the contract. There were other cases, but they were all upholding the contract."Sick with disbelief, Rachel barely managed to find hervoice. "But, Elizabeth is my daughter. I'm her mother.They can't just take her away""They can, and they probably will.""But why? I'm as good a parent now as I was when Hollis selected us." Rachel gripped the arms of the padded chair, her nails digging into the fabric. "Just because William is gone, that doesn't mean I'd be a bad parent.""I know, I know." The attorney nodded his head like one of those dogs people stick on their dashboards. "But in the eyes of the law, as the contract states it, a good parental situation means two parents. A mother and a father. It's not fair, but that's the way it was written. In these private adoptions the parties can do whatever they want, and people go along with it. They're so crazy and desperate for children that they seem to forget their heads when"He broke off immediately, his already florid face flushing with embarrassment as the implication of what he was saying became clear. An awkward silence filled the room before Paul finally broke it."Can't we fight it?""Absolutely." The attorney shifted against the desk, his eyes meeting Paul's. "But you've got to weigh the odds. It's a matter of time, money and the chances of success." He shot Rachel a look that made her hope sink completely. "To be frank, your company doesn't have much of the first two, and with that signed contract, there's not much of the last, either, I'm afraid. At the moment, the courts seem to favor the biological parents, as well."With what she knew was a dazed expression, Rachel leaned back in her chair, the air suddenly abandoning her lungs as though it too wanted to escape from the agony coursing through her. How could this be happening? That's all she could think. How could it be happening?The attorney slid off the edge of his desk and stood. "I'm really sorry, Mrs. St. James, but it looks like there's nothing we can do at this point." He glanced toward Paul. "If the situation changessay the South American thing goes through and the company has a great successthen I'd say let's go for it. We'd have plenty of cash and enough time. The odds would still be against us, but we could work on them." His pale blue eyes rested on Rachel's face. "I'd never promise you more than that, though. It would still be a long shot. A mighty long shot."Heavily, Rachel rose from her chair. His words had been painfully clear, but she had to ask one more time. "There's nothing I can do? Absolutely nothing?"He blinked at her and pulled on his tie. She got the distinct impression that he wished the interview had ended at least fifteen minutes ago. "I wish I had some words of wisdom, Mrs. St. James, but I'm afraid there are none in this case." He glanced at Paul almost apologetically as though he knew he should be doing better, but couldn't. Finally he looked back at Rachel. "I can't think of a single suggestion short of remarriage."Paul took Rachel's elbow and led her down the hall toward the elevators. Like a piece of delicate china, she wouldn't be able to take many more knocks before she would shatter and break. A few minutes later they were on the street, and ten minutes after that, they were in Paul's office."Bring us some coffee, please, Amanda," he said to his secretary as they passed by her desk, "then order us some lunch from Jason's. Something hot and substantial," he added, feeling the bones of Rachel's elbow through the silk of her blouse."Yes, sir."He closed the door behind them and led Rachel to the couch in one corner of his office."You don't have to do this," she said in an automatic voice. "I need to get home. I need to get back to Elizabeth. I need to""You need to eat," he answered. "It won't take ten minutes for the food to get here, then you can go on your way."She sat very still, like a small child, on the edge of his sofa. Even her hands were motionless as she clasped them together in her lap. Finally she nodded once, but said nothing more. Paul walked to the windows that made up one wall of his office. He never looked at the Denver skyline; instead, his eyes always went to the mountains hovering just outside of town. He wished he were there right now, in the quiet stillness of the winter snows. He might be able to make sense of what was happening.In the reflection of the window, he watched Rachel, and his heart cracked in two. She was so beautiful, so incredibly beautiful... and so incredibly sad. He'd needed no interpretation to understand the look on her face when Stuart had said the word remarriage. It would never happen. Rachel would never remarry. At least not any time soon.She spoke in a small, still voice. "I don't know what I'm going to do." She stared straight ahead almost as though he weren't even in the room. "I can't just give her up.''He turned around to face her. "Stuart Thomas is one of the best attorneys in town. If he says the chances are slim you'd win, then you need to listen to him."She lifted her eyes. "I will not let them take her."As she spoke, she lifted her chin and Paul suddenly realized something about Rachel St. James. Something he'd never understood before. She might be grieving, she might be confused, but behind those temporary emotions, there was a determination of steel, a spine that might bow but would never break."It simply can't happen."Paul nodded slowly. "Do you have a plan?""Other than pleading with Hollis? No, not really... but I will."Outside a siren started then wailed into the background of street noise. Paul glanced down at the street and watched a man in a suit dash in between two cars, a woman pushing a stroller, a boy selling papers. Everyday sights that suddenly seemed out of place with the tragedy happening in Rachel's life."Have you spoken to Sabatini?"Her question threw him off. He would have thought the company was the last thing on her mind at the moment. "Yes," he answered, "and the answer's exactly what I thought it would be. We're obligated to drill that well. The fine print in the contract..."She smiled ruefully. "There always seems to be fine print in these contracts, doesn't there. I guess the people who signed them were 'desperate' and 'crazy,' too."Paul crossed the room and sat down beside her. "Stuart didn't mean to hurt you, Rachel. He doesn't understand."She shook her head, then touched his arm briefly, almost as if she were the one comforting him. "It's okay. Hewas right. I was so nutty to have a child, I would havesigned anything. I guess I'm paying the price now." Shelooked into the distance beyond the windows, beyond thecity skyline. "I wonder what William would say"Her voice seemed to catch on William's name, and Paul was relieved a second later when a knock on the door broke the silence."Here's your lunch, Mr. Delaney. They had split pea soup and ham sandwiches today.''He glanced up at his secretary and nodded. "Thanks, Amanda. That's great."The young girl looked uncertainly at Rachel, then spoke. "I'm sorry about your husband, Mrs. St. James. He...he was a nice man."Rachel smiled, her composure so in place Paul wondered if he'd imagined the break in her voice. "Thank you, Amanda. That's very sweet of you to say." The secretary nodded once, then slipped out of the room. As soon as the door closed behind her, Rachel rose, crossed the room and took her purse from the table. "I'm sorry, Paul, but I can't stay." He stood swiftly. "Rachel, you've got to eat" She held up a hand and stopped him. "What I've got to do is find a way to keep my daughter. Nothing else matters but that." Chapter 3Rachel felt as if her life was on a countdown. She still hadn't heard a word from Sylvia about talking to Hollis Sarif, and every day seemed to hurtle Rachel closer to disaster. At times, she couldn't seem to contain the anger that rose up in her. Why had William left her? This was all his fault. Immediately grief, then guilt, would swamp her. On Wednesday, when she heard her aunt and uncle's car pull into the small, unpaved driveway outside her rental house, she was almost at the breaking point. She met them at the front door with tears in her eyes.Her aunt gave her a brief hug, then stepped aside a second later as Rachel's Uncle Abe filled the doorway. He wrapped his arms around Rachel like the bear he resembled. Her real tears started then.The three of them moved into the tiny living room.Guiltily, Rachel dashed a finger across her cheeks. "I... I'm sorry I'm crying, but things are just so""Don't apologize, honey." Abe's voice was as big as he was, and it overflowed the living room as he removed his leather coat and looked at her in amazement. "You think you're too big now to cry in front of your ole Uncle Abe?"Rachel looked at the seventy-four-year-old man who'd been in her life since she was eight years old. She hardly remembered her natural father. After he and her mother had left one day in a shiny new car and never come back, Rachel had gone to live with her only relative, her mother's sister, Emma. Shortly after that, Emma's husband had walked out on her, leaving Emma and Rachel to fend for themselves. One year later, Abe, who'd lost his wife to cancer, had married Emma and brought with him five children for her to care for.There had been plenty of love for everyone, though, and since the day Abe walked into their small, cheerless house in Denver and handed Rachel a china doll with real hair, she'd been crazy about him.Secretly Rachel had always wondered if Abe was one of the reasons she'd married William. The two men had always been a lot alikesteady, reassuring, always there for her. She looked into Abe's blue eyes and gave him a watery smile."No.. .it's just that every time you and Emma come here, I've got some new kind of crisis going on. I feel like I'm eight years old again and totally helpless.""Well, that's ridiculous, now, and you know it." As she unwrapped the bright red scarf from her neck, Emma Hoke spoke in the no-nonsense manner that was her typical way. "You're not eight years old, and you definitely are not helpless. There's got to be an answer to this, we just don't know what it is yet." She dropped the scarf on the couch and looked around. "Where's the baby?""She's napping," Rachel answered with a glance at her watch. "I'll get her up in a minute.""Let me do it," Emma said briskly. "You go fix some coffee, then we'll start to figure this thing out." She strode out of the room and down the short hall like a general about to go into battle.Rachel and Abe watched Emma disappear, then Abe spoke gently. "Have you spoken with any more attorneys?"Rachel turned toward the kitchen, Abe following close behind. "I just got off the phone with another onesomeone that Stuart Thomas had recommended for a second opinion. He basically said the same thing Stuart did.""Which is?""Our chances are not too good. Very poor, in fact. A trial could drag on for years, cost a fortune, and worst of all, Elizabeth would probably be placed in a foster home while the decisions are being made. I couldn't stand that."Rachel opened the refrigerator, pulled out the coffee beans, then closed the door and leaned against it wearily. "There's almost nothing we can do. We signed a contract. According to the lawyers, we should have known what we were getting into when we did it." She clutched the cold beans in her hands and barely felt their chill. "We didn't know, though, Abe. We had no idea whatsoever. And how on earth could we have known that William would die? That things would work out like this?""Have you gone back to that woman? Tried to talk to her?"He was talking about Sylvia Martin. He and her aunt always referred to Sylvia as "that woman.""Not yet." Moving toward the cabinet, Rachel pulled out the grinder, dumped the beans in and set the knob before glancing at him. "But if she doesn't call me by noon, I'm calling her again. I've got to know if she's spoken with Hollis yet. That's my last hope." She clicked the grinder on, and the aroma of fresh coffee filled the kitchen. A second later, her aunt, carrying the baby, entered the room.Abe rose and took Elizabeth from Emma's arms. Rachel had seen him do this countless times, and it always made her wonder if he'd done that with his own children. She had a feeling he had. "How's my baby girl?" he boomed.Elizabeth responded as she always didwith a wide blue-eyed glance and a remarkable smile. Grinning himself, Abe proceeded to walk around the kitchen and talk to the cooing baby as Rachel repeated to her aunt everything she'd just told him."Well, we'll just have to go with you to see that woman." Emma opened the refrigerator, removed the cream for their coffee, then slammed the door shut. "She's obviously ignorant and doesn't understand how your family will support you. As soon as she sees that, she's bound to realize how ridiculous that contract is." She set the carton down on the kitchen counter with a solid thump. "That's what we've got to do."Despite the seriousness of the situation, Rachel grinned and finished filling the coffee pot and clicked it on. Emma didn't understand the meaning of the word no, and she never had a problem explaining that to someone.Standing across the kitchen by the calendar, where he was letting Elizabeth pull on the pages, Abe looked over at Rachel and read her feelings. "I don't think that would be a good idea, Emma. We're the backup quarterbacks here, not the starters." Behind Emma's back, he gave Rachel a thumbs-up sign. Rachel winked back. A high-school football coach for more than thirty years, Abe found it impossible to talk without an allusion to sports.Swirling around, Emma put her hands on her hips and glared at him. "This isn't one of your stupid playoff games. This is my grand-niece we're talking about.""Our grand-niece, and I understand that," he said patiently, "but I also understand something else that I'm not too sure the two of you do." He held Elizabeth's tiny fingers in his own huge hand and stared sadly at them. "The odds are with the other teamhome field advantage, more experience, better backers. There are some games you just can't win... and I'm afraid this may be one of them."The only sound breaking the silence was the coffee as it bubbled into the pot, its rich aroma filling the kitchen. Rachel wanted to dispute Abe's words, but she couldn't. She was afraid they were too close to the truth."Well, you just need some help, that's all." Emma's mouth went into a narrow line as she stubbornly ignored his warning. "There's got to be someone around here who knows how to get around this.""What about that Paul fellow?" Abe said suddenly. "Hasn't he been helping you a lot? Can he do something?"Rachel reached into the cabinet behind her and pulled down three mugs, shaking her head as she answered. "I don't think so. He's done everything he can, and frankly, this isn't his battle, anyway. He's gone way beyond the call of duty as it is."The phone rang sharply, and Rachel reached for it, almost knocking the cups over as her heart suddenly jumped into her throat.Sylvia Martin had just one question. "Can you be here at two? Hollis has agreed to see you."Rachel tugged at the jacket of her gray shantung suit, then reached once more for her lipstick. She was nervous and pale and needed more color. Whatever she seemed to add just made her cheeks appear whiter, though. With a final look in the mirror, she gave up and glanced at the clock. Paul would be here at any moment to pick her up. He'd called right after Sylvia, and when he'd found out what was happening, he'd insisted on going with her. Rachel had agreed. She needed some kind of support, regardless of where it came from.She'd already checked on the baby once during her afternoon nap, but Rachel headed down the hall toward the nursery. She never left the house without kissing Elizabeth's downy cheek. Before Rachel could enter the room, her aunt stepped into the hallway. Tilting her head toward the baby's bedroom, she whispered, "Is she still asleep?"Rachel nodded. "Yes. I just wanted to check on her before I left."Together they peered inside the nursery. Lit by the soft afternoon sun creeping over the mountains, the room wasn't the expensively decorated nursery Rachel had done for the baby in the other house, but this one held just as much love. The angels, as they hovered over the crib, added to the feeling. For two long seconds, Emma and Rachel stared at the sleeping child, then by silent accord, they both eased out of the room and softly closed the door.Rachel looked at her aunt. "I really appreciate you and Abe coming here. I... I don't think I could leave her with a sitter knowing every hour could be our last one togeth""Don't say it." Emma put her fingers over Rachel's lips. "Words have power, you know.""Then say I'll be successful. Say it over and over and over.''Emma squeezed Rachel's arm and smiled into her eyes. "I've done just that for years, sweetie, and you always have been."The words of support, so rare for the hard-edged woman, went straight to Rachel's heart."I want you to know something else." Emma spoke quickly, as though she had to get the statement out before she lost her courage. "I...I want what's best for you, and I don't want you to be hurt more than you already have. Please be careful."Rachel looked at Emma in surprise. In the past few years she could count the times on one hand that her aunt had spoken so intimately. "I will, but""I know what it's like."The words were clipped. Rachel didn't understand them, but the pain they held was obvious. "What do you mean?""I suffered when my first husband left me, Rachel. I was youngtwenty-eightand didn't have a soul in the world to help me. I'd already lost your mom and I didn't have children of my own. It's not the same, but I do understand your feelings."Rachel's breath caught in her throat, and she felt her fingers flutter up to her lips. "I... I hadn't realized ...""I know," Emma said. "You've had too much on your mind to see the similarities, but I did." She glanced over her shoulder toward the guest room. They could both hear Abe humming as he moved around, hanging their clothes up. Emma looked back at Rachel. "Don't let it stop you, though, Rachel.""Stop me? Stop me from what?" "From loving again. I wasted years thinking I couldn't feel those kinds of feelings again. I don't want you to do that."Rachel was shaking her head before Emma even finished speaking. "Falling in love is the last thing I want right now. There's no way I'd"Abe's voice boomed into the hall. "Honeywhere's my black pants? You brought them, didn't you?"Emma rolled her eyes and stuck her hands on her hips. "Look closer, Abe, they're in there.""Well they must be invisible, then, because I don't see them."The two women looked at each other a second longer. "I appreciate the advice," Rachel said, "but my plate is full right now. I have to concentrate on Elizabeth, nothing more."Emma looked like she wanted to argue, but a second later her expression turned into its usual one of total exasperation when Abe's voice boomed again."I found my pants, but where'd you put those dad-burned socks, Emma? Emma?""You've never met her?"Rachel looked across at Paul, her fingers digging into the leather seat of his car. They were almost at Sylvia's office, and Rachel's stomach was in knots. The last time she'd been this nervous she and William had been on their way to pick up Elizabeth. That had been a wonderful kind of nervousness.This wasn't."It was part of the contract that William and I never meet Elizabeth's birth mother," Rachel said. "She wanted it that way. All I knew was her name. Hollis Sarif. I don't know how old she is or what she looks like. Absolutely nothing.""Are you nervous?"His question took her by surprise. Paul seldom, if ever, asked personal questions. Rachel suspected that was because he didn't like to answer them himself. She turned to look at him. "Yes," she said. "I am nervous. Very nervous."He reached across the seat and covered her hand with his. His touch felt heavy and warm. He squeezed her hand for just a second, then took his fingers away. The contact was so brief it might not have happened, but the sensation it left lingered, confirming its reality. He didn't say a word.The car rolled to a stop, and with dread, Rachel realized they were in front of Sylvia's office. Rachel had wanted so much to talk to Elizabeth's birth mother, to convince her of how wonderful a mother she could be, but now all Rachel wanted to do was turn the other way and run as fast as she could. She'd told Paul she was nervous, but she'd lied. Petrified was more the word. Two minutes later, they were standing outside the attorney's office door. Rachel tugged on her jacket and wished she'd stopped at the ladies' room to brush on a little more blush."Don't worry. You look great." Paul's eyes went over her suit with a look of approval. "Like the consummate PTA mom."Anxiously, Rachel looked up at him. "Really?""Really." His voice was perfectly serious. "I'd buy raffle tickets from you all day long."She couldn't help but smile. He was trying to calm her down, and even though it wasn't working, she appreciated his efforts. "A whole book?" "Absolutely." He smiled and tried to reassure her once more. "You'll do just fine, Rachel. Don't worry."He swung the door open and they walked inside, Rachel's legs almost rubbery. When Sylvia's secretary saw them, she picked up her phone and spoke quietly. Ten minutes later, she ushered them into Sylvia's inner office. Rachel's heart was pounding so hard, she thought it would explode.From behind her desk, Sylvia stood up, but Rachel hardly noticed. Her eyes were on the woman sitting in the chair in front of the windows.Hollis Sarif, Elizabeth's birth mother, was much older than Rachel had imagined. Early to mid-thirties, close to Rachel's own age, she realized with shock. A full black skirt, almost reaching the floor, swirled around her boot-encased legs, and a thick white sweater covered with gold chains topped it off. Wild black hair tumbled around her shoulders, and that was a surprise, as well. Since Elizabeth was so fair, Rachel had always assumed her mother was, too. That wasn't the case, though. Her sun-kissed skin was dark, almost polished. It made her green eyes, which were tilted up slightly at the corners, even more remarkable.Elizabeth resembled her in absolutely no way.Clearly conscious of Rachel's evaluation, the woman waited until Rachel's nervous gaze went back to her face. "Do I pass your inspection?" she said bluntly.Rachel felt her cheeks flush, but she didn't let it deter her. "I think I'm the one who needs to pass inspection here, aren't I?"Hollis Sarif's eyes registered surpriseshe was clearly a woman who wasn't accustomed to receiving questions to her questions. Behind the surprise a grudging flick of respect came, then left. She ignored the question, her gaze going to Paul. "And you are?""Paul Delaney." He put his hand on Rachel's shoulder. The warmth felt good. "A friend of the family.''"I see."The tiny silence seemed to grow, then Sylvia waved toward the other two chairs in the office. "Sit down, Rachel. Paul. Would you like some coffee?"Paul shook his head, and so did Rachel. She was sure if she put a single thing down her stomach, it would come right back up."I'm going to leave you all, then," Sylvia said. "Call me when you finish."Before the door had closed completely, Hollis spoke, her voice husky and deep. "I'm sorry about your husband, Mrs. St. James. My condolences."She had the faintest of accents, so distant that Rachel could barely discern it, much less place it. "Thank you.""I've been away for several months, and I was unaware of his death until recently. It was brought to my attention." She rested her arms on the chair, and Rachel wondered blankly if the woman had ever felt the gut-wrenching anxiety that was now tearing Rachel apart, bit by bit. She doubted it. Hollis Sarif looked like nothing could rattle her. "When I heard, I contacted Ms. Martin immediately."The gold around her neck shimmered with a cold yellow haze, and Rachel realized it couldn't be fourteen karatit was something more generous, more expensive. Somehow, the exotic richness of the gold seemed appropriate. It matched the woman it adorned."Sylvia was reluctant to accommodate me, but I was persistent." Hollis held up a finger and inspected her ring as if she'd just now noticed she was wearing it. "Finally she realized I was not going away... and she called you. I didn't want to talk to you, but she insisted.""I'm glad," Rachel said quietly. "Because I'm not going away, either."The eyes flashed again. Hollis tapped her nails against the chair. "And so here we are.""Yes.""You're a young widow.""Yes.""And alone?""Not entirely." Rachel forced herself to breathe normally. "I'm very close to my family. My aunt and uncle live about an hour from here, and I have many cousins.""And friends... of the family." Her gaze went to Paul."That's right," Rachel said. "Many friends.""But no husband." Hollis crossed her long legs, her boots whispering against each other, the gold chiming in. "No husband and no father for the child."Until that moment, Rachel wasn't sure she liked Hollis Sarif. She appeared hard and cold and almost unfeeling. But when she said those two wordsthe childRachel understood her perfectly. Hollis loved Elizabeth. Loved her so much that the only way she could cope with her action was to put an incredible distance between herself and the baby she'd been forced to give away. The charade might have fooled other people, but not Rachel. She'd put on the same act herself every time she'd seen a pregnant woman for the past twelve years. A pregnant woman. A crying baby. A loving father.Hollis loved Elizabeth, maybe even as much as Rachel did.With this understanding, Rachel felt her nervousness abate. It was still thereHollis held her fate in her hands but at least now, Rachel understood the woman better. She leaned forward in her chair. "Elizabeth has no father in the house, Ms. Sarif. That's true, and I can't deny it. But it doesn't change how I feel about her.""And that is?""I love her. With every ounce of my body, I love her. And I want only what's best for her, I promise you.""Then how can you say she should stay with you? A child needs a father.""Yes, she does." Rachel's agreement seemed to surprise the woman. "Every child does. But she needs love even more. And I have enough of that for ten fathers.""It's not the same." Hollis rose and moved toward the window, and a whiff of exotic perfume floated across the room. Rachel looked at Paul, and he tried to reassure her with a look."I understand that but""The reason I picked you and your husband to raise my child was simple, Mrs. St. James." Hollis spoke with her back to them. "I wanted her to have what I could not provide." She turned around. "Breakfast at the same table every morning. A mother and father who kissed her good-night every night. A puppy in the yard, a doll in the bed... all those things that make up a stable home.""I want those things for her, as well, and I can give them to her""No. Not now." Hollis's voice softened minutely. "You could have before, but now...now you can't. Already something has changed in her short, little life, and I hate that for her."With her heart in her throat, Rachel found herself rising from her chair, unable to sit a moment longer. "Do you really think I can't raise a child simply because I'm alone now?" "If I had thought differently" Hollis's words were as cold and clipped as the wind outside the window "I would have kept her myself.''Despair swept over Rachel as Paul stood and moved to her side. "That's an awfully one-sided view, Ms. Sarif. There are a lot of single parent families these days. Many children are raised by a mother or a father.""That may be true." Her eyes measuring Paul, she crossed her arms, a tangle of gold bracelets flashing in the sunlight. "But it will not be true for this child. For her it will be a mother and a father."She wasn't going to budge. For some reasona very personal one Rachel was sure she'd never knowHollis Sarif had made up her mind. Rachel tried to maintain her sense of sympathy, her understanding of the woman, but it was almost impossible. Despair swept over her. "There's got to be something I can do that would change your mind. Just tell me what it is. I'll do whatever it takes."Silence filled the room with unbearable tension, and beside her, Rachel could feel Paul's own anxiety. It seemed nearly as strong as hers. "I'm entirely serious, Ms. Sarif," Rachel said. "You tell me what to do, and I'll do it."This time the silence was even longer.Finally, Hollis spoke. "I'll think about what you've said, Mrs. St. James, but if you want my advice, there's only one thing you can do." Outside, the sun disappeared behind a cloud, and the office darkened. Glancing first at Paul and then at Rachel, Hollis's green eyes turned almost luminescent in the dimmer light. "You'll figure it out." Chapter 4"Dinner's in the oven, and the baby's been bathed. She's fast asleep." Wrapping her scarf around her neck, Emma looked at Rachel. "Don't wait too late to eat or the casserole will dry out.""Yes, ma'am," Rachel said automatically. She couldn't think of dinner right now. The only image in her head was of Hollis Sarif."Don't forget it now. There's a cake on the counter, too."Abe lumbered down the small hallway with an overnight bag in each hand. Sunday was a big day at their churcha new pastor was arriving. Emma had been on the selection committee and only a snowstorm of terrible magnitude would have kept her away."Are you sure you don't want us to stay, sweetheart?" Abe's blue eyes darkened with concern. "We don't mind.""No," Rachel answered. "It's not necessary. Sylvia said she'd call the minute Hollis called her. I can phone you and tell you what she said.""All right, but if you need us...""I'll call."A moment later they were in their car and backing down the driveway. Rachel waved from the cover of the small porch, then stepped back into the living room. She'd closed the door, then leaned back on it for just a second, her shoulders slumping against the scarred wood.She'd lost her home and her husband. Now a stranger, a woman who appeared to be thoroughly in charge of herself, held Rachel's life in her hands. How much worse could it get?For ten more seconds she let her self-pity build, then she put it aside. Gathering herself together, she kicked off her heels and padded barefoot to the door of the baby's room.In total defiance of her great aunt, Elizabeth was wide awake, her tiny arms moving over her head in wild abandonment as if she were directing an orchestra that only she could see. She laughed as her mother's face appeared over the edge of the crib, then she reached up and pulled on the tufts of soft blond hair that covered her head, making them stick straight up.Looking at that sweet, precious face, Rachel couldn't help but grin. She reached out, picked up the baby, and swung her into her arms, smoothing a hand over the baby's head as she cuddled her tight. "Your hair's as bad as mine," she said to the laughing child. "You really need to see Jessie. Maybe he can work you in."Elizabeth continued to giggle. Rachel laughed with her for a few more seconds, then slowly her chuckles turned into tears. How on God's earth could she give this child up? Let some stranger bathe her and feed her and change her diapers? They wouldn't know that she didn't like carrots, and they'd have no idea that she hated to get her head wet. When she cried at night, would they come?Sensing the game had changed, Elizabeth started to whimper, and Rachel immediately stifled her own fear to soothe the baby. "It's okay," she whispered, her voice as reassuring as possible. "It's okay. Don't cry." The baby snuffled into silence, but as Rachel looked into the bright blue eyes she heard the advice she'd been receiving replay in her head. The words pulled with them the beginning stabs of panic.I'm only doing what's best for the child.The odds are with the other team.If Stuart Thomas says you don't have a chance...Rachel cradled her daughter's head against her chest and moved to silent music. The only sound she heard was her heart breaking in two.Two hours later, the doorbell buzzed like a disgruntled hive of angry bees. Startled, Rachel grabbed for the nearest towel and tried to dry off and put her robe on at the same time. She'd been in the tub and had no idea who could be at the door.It was probably hopeless to think that the baby would sleep through the noise, but as she dashed by the nursery, Rachel darted a look toward the crib. Unbelievably, Elizabeth was sleeping soundly, her rump in the air."I'm coming," Rachel called out. "Just a minute." Working the numerous locks, she managed to get them all undone but the chain. With it still in place, she cautiously cracked open the door."Rachel? It's mePaul."He stood on the doorstep. In his hands, an aromatic wisp of steam rose from the biggest pizza box she'd ever seen. Surprise was her first reaction, embarrassment her second. She'd already scrubbed off her makeup and her hair was piled on top of her head in a jumbled mass of confusion. Instead of doing anything about it, though, she said, "Just a minute," then closed the door so she could release the chain, the question coursing through her mind of why she even cared how she looked.She opened the door wider to admit him, and her answerif she'd had onedisappeared in the blast of frigid air that gushed in to flap wide the lower half of her robe. Shivering, she grabbed a handful of chenille and stepped away from the door. "Come in... come in."He hesitated for a second, then stepped across the threshold, a flurry of early snowflakes coming with him and dusting the floor around his feet. "I hope I'm not disturbing you," he said, his deep voice filling the tiny room.Rachel didn't know why but for some reason she felt his presence as surely as though he'd touched her with his hands instead of his voice. Maybe it was her intimate apparel or maybe it was her exhaustion. Whatever it was, the sensation startled her, and the image it brought to mind carried guilt, as well. "Oh, no. Not at all. I was just.. .just getting out of the tub."His expression didn't wavernot obviouslybut something inside Rachel did. Again, she tried to ignore the feeling, but it was difficult. She focused on the box in his hands. "That smells heavenly. What is it?""Pepperoni and sausage. Extra onions. Double cheese." He smiled slowly. "As many fattening things as I could think of."She'd never seen him smile so openly. The expression transformed his face. Suddenly he was younger, much less intimidating. Much, much more handsome. She pulled the collar of her robe up to her throat."I should have called first but it was a spur of the moment idea." His eyes raked over her robe, and his smile slowly faded. "I didn't think about you going out. Do you have plans for the evening?"The idea seemed ludicrous in light of everything, and Rachel shook her head slowly. "Oh, no, no. I can't...that is... I... uh... haven't gone out since..."He accepted her answer with a smooth nod of his head, ignoring her stuttering and stammering. "Good. Then, let's eat."She led him down the hall, then spoke as they entered the tiny kitchen. "It's a little different from the other house," she said apologetically, "but it's not too bad, really."He glanced around the kitchen, then let his eyes return to her. "Does it bother you? Living here, I mean?"She took two plates from the cabinet and considered his question. The kitchen in her former home had held a fireplace that she'd loved to have going while she cooked. Copper pots had shimmered in the lights, and the plants in the window always had blooms. It was as if it all belonged in a different time to a different person in a different life."I...I haven't been able to give it a lot of thought," she said finally. "I've had other things on my mind, I guess."He took the plates from her hand, and she took his coat. Turning to drape it over one of the chairs at the end of the table, she had to resist the urge to bring the soft cashmere up to her face. She loved the feel of yarn, of woolespecially something this fineand in her "other life" she'd knitted a lot. She hadn't had time for that pleasant occupation lately, either. Carefully she arranged his coat on the chair, then turned. He was standing still, watching her. "No word from Sylvia?""Not a one.""Scared?""Spitless."His dark eyes registered surprise, then amusement when she grinned first. "It's the truth," she said. "When we were in her office my mouth was so dry, I didn't even think I could talk.""I thought you did great. You didn't look scared. Not at all."She shook her head. "Well, I was, believe me. Hollis Sarif wasn't at all what I'd expected. She's so sophisticated, so cosmopolitan... I felt like a country bumpkin.""Are you kidding?" Lines of disbelief worked their way across his forehead. "You're twice the woman she is. Hands down." "You... you really think so?""There's no question," he scoffed. "She obviously has a strong personality, but you've got class." His dark eyes captured Rachel's and held them. "Every man I know would take class any day of the week. Including me."Unable to do anything else, she stared into his eyes. A moment passed before she realized what she was doing. Feeling awkward and schoolgirlish, she pointed to the table and said, "Shall we..."They took their places, Rachel serving first Paul and then herself. The aroma of garlic and basil drifted up as she stared down into her plate. As nice as his compliments were, Paul couldn't change things. Hollis still held all the cards. At this point, what good was class?After a few moments, Paul carefully placed the piece of pizza he'd been eating on his plate, wiped his mouth and sat back in the chair."What's wrong?" she said, looking up at him. "Doesn't it taste good?""It tastes great.""Then, why'd you stop?""I don't like to eat by myself," he said quietly. "I want you to eat, too. That's one of the reasons I came by here tonight." He brought his elbows to the top of the table and rested them on the edge, leaning toward her. "You're not taking care of yourself.""That...that's not true," Rachel sputtered, surprised but touched."When was the last time you ate a real meal?""I just took a casserole from the oven," she said. "My aunt left it.""That brown thing I saw sitting on the counter over there that's all dried up?"She grinned."And when was the last time you got a good night's rest? Slept for more than four hours?"Her smile disappeared. She had been having trouble sleeping. Her doctor had wanted to give her somethingright after William's deathbut Rachel had refused. She didn't want to sleep through Elizabeth's cries.He read her answer on her face. "You've got to take care of yourself, Rachel. There's no one else who's going to do it for you."His voice was gentle but the words contained the harshest of realities. Despite what she'd told Hollis, she was alone. Her aunt and uncle could help the best they could, but they were both getting older. They couldn't keep driving back and forth from Boulder. All her cousins lived in places far off. The people she'd thought of as friends were all married couples, and now that she wasn't... they almost seemed scared of her. She was alone.Again.The feeling brought back nothing but bad memories. Even though she'd had Emma after her parents' deaths, Rachel had known what it was like to lose the people who loved you most. Since William's death, the child inside of her had experienced all those fears and anxieties all over again. It wasn't a good feeling.As much to push her thoughts aside as anything, she said softly, "Why do you care so much, Paul? Why have you been so kind to me?"His jaw tightened and his eyes narrowed imperceptibly. She couldn't read the emotion behind the movement; she didn't know him well enough. It was there, though. She could see the change come over him as easily as she could sense Elizabeth's moods.For a long time he didn't say a word, then finally he spoke, his voice a slash across the silence of the kitchen. "Do you want to know the truth or what sounds good?"Her gaze wavered for just a second, and Paul wondered if she wished she hadn't asked. It was too late for her to back out, though, and besides, Rachel St. James wasn't the kind of woman who backed out of anything. He knew that now."I always want the truth," she said, her voice as calm and level as her gaze. "I don't like to deal with anything less."He wanted to believe herdid believe herbut the truth was definitely not what she wanted this time. He didn't want it, either. In fact, he'd spent night after night after night trying to convince himself that the truth wasn't the truththat he didn't love Rachel.So he searched his mind for another reason, another logical reason why he was sitting in her kitchen at 9:00 p.m. wondering what she was wearing beneath the white chenille robe she clutched to her throat. It wasn't hard to think of another answer, he realized quickly enough, and it held some truth, as well."It's a long story," he warned.She held out her hands. "I've got nothing but time."Paul nodded, then pushed his plate away. He wasn't sure where to start, didn't, in fact, even know where the beginning was. Things had been so confused back then. "When William hired me five years ago, he took a real chance," he finally said. "I was a mess."Rachel's expression was skeptical. "You? A mess? I remember meeting you that year at the Christmas party, and I wouldn't have described you that way. Not at all.""Appearances can be deceiving.""Maybe, but not by that much. You had a beautifulwoman with you, too. I can't remember her name"Paul met her eyes. "And neither can I. I was going through them pretty fast at that point. Unfortunately."She rested her chin on the palm of her hand and stared at him with wide gray eyes. "Why?""Why unfortunately or just why?"She grinned. "Just why."It was hard to explain, but even harder to hear. He hadn't liked himself much during those years."I'm afraid I was going through one of those crisis things." The word was as painful now as it had been back then, but he forced himself to say it. "I'd just divorced.""Divorced?" She dropped her hands into her lap and sat up straight. "I... I had no idea you'd been married before.""Well, the truth is that was a very bad time for me, and I told very few people. William knew, of course, but no one else. I couldn't talk about it." A flash of surprise came into her expression, and he could see her wondering why William hadn't told her. Paul wondered, as well. He'd just assumed as close as they were, that William shared everything with Rachel. "It was painful?" she asked finally."The worst. If William hadn't hired me, hadn't had the faith in me that he did, I don't know what I would have done. I needed someone to tell me I was worth a damn again, and he did.""Who had told you differently?"His eyes went to the window over the sink. Upset by the winter wind, a branch tapped against the glass. The sound was cold and hard. He looked back at Rachel. "My wife. She said it so frequently and so vehemently that I'd almost begun to believe her. By the time the divorce was all over, she'd made it more than clear she thought I was a rotten husband.. .and an even worse father."Rachel's lips parted in surprise. "Y-you have children, too?"The question was so painful that Paul could hardly bring himself to answer... another reason he generally told no one about his past life. "One," he finally managed to get out. "I hadhavea daughter. Pammie. She's almos