BACCANAL IA 2012

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Contents

4 EDITORIAL | Katri Blomqvist

5 WORDS FROM THE CHAIR | Salla Rokka

6 BOARD OF 2012 | Lotta Mäkinen

10 MY 1st YEAR AS AN ENGLISH STUDENT | Pirkka Hallamaa & Viivi Mustonen

11 LIFE BEYOND UNIVERSITY | Eetu Laine

12 STUDENT CAFETERIAS | Pirkka Hallamaa

14 ANGLICA BAND NIGHT | Mikko Salminen & Anna Vahtera

16 EX-SECRETARIES IN DARING PHOTOS | Julia Hamara & Riikka Salmela

18 OK, KB | Hai Nguyen

24 ANGLICA FOOD CLUB | Satu Salo & Ville Niemi

26 ANGLICA BEER CLUB | Otto Lehikoinen & Vesa Koskela

28 A MINIMAL PAIR PUB CRAWL | Janne Haapaniemi & Anne Heikkilä

32 "DID YOU KNOW...?" | Joonas Nikkanen

34 POEMS | Janne Peltomäki

chief editor | Katri Blomqvist

layout | Julia Hamara

photos | Julia Hamara, Viivi Mustonen, Antti

Lipsanen, Satu Salo, Antti Suomela

printing | X-copy

run | 120

NIVERSITY. New faces, interesting and less

interesting lectures, tons of reading and

wild parties in the middle of the week.

This was the representation I had in my

mind of my new study place before entering

student life wholly during the first two weeks

of tutoring. Like so many others’, my

impression was soon to be changed for good.

Entering university is not about starting in

another new school, it is much more. It's a

whole new world.

WHEN WE LEFT high school last spring, my

friends and I were convinced (like so many

times before) that this was the end of the

golden days, the feeling of belonging to a

group and the beginning of real adult life,

featuring spaghetti and beans, alongside with

exam loads and a constant shortage of money.

We couldn't have been more wrong. What

happened to me when I first stepped into

university parties happens every day to some

experimental people getting their hands on

drugs or a masterpiece of video games: I

became addicted. From that day on my life has

been so much more than I ever imagined it

could be.

WHEN DOZENS OF NEW AND OLD ENGLISH STUDENTS

come to contact with each other, sharing ideas

takes place on the Internet (let’s be honest and

say Facebook) and during late (early?) hazy

hours of a Thursday night in after parties. And

given the like-mindedness of Anglicans, the

shared ideas aren't likely to be ignored, but

rather forwarded without-of-control laughter. I

know that the current chair would like me to

confess that this is exactly how I found Know

your meme in the first place, apparently and

admittedly years after everyone else did. Oh

well, I guess a freshman has to have some

flaws, don’t you think?

AFTER SPENDING way too many words on

opening up about my personal realisations, let

me say a few more about what you're holding

in your hands right now and for the next thirty

minutes at least, considering its page-turner

nature. Baccanalia 2012 is designed for one

extremely important purpose among several

less outstanding ones: giving you a glimpse of

how our writers perceive their university life

and, believe it or not, their life after

graduation. Each writer has written about

something very dear to them or alternatively

essential to Anglican life. This issue is a

collection of useful evaluations, fascinating

stories and shocking pictures. First and

foremost, however, this issue is about our dear

Dr. Keith Battarbee who has given us more than

we can ever be able to thank him for and is

now leaving us to enjoy his well-earned

pension days. To make sure he is on our minds

even after the last exams of the spring, we've

decided to give you a special dose of Keith in

the form of an interview. Accompanied with

Anglica’s special badge, there is now

questioning who the person to talk about this

spring is.

AS A FRESHMAN I was a bit horrified about what I

had done when I promised to be the editor in

chief of this Baccanalia. I was lost and worried,

to say the least, but obviously for nothing. This

year’s writers have proved themselves to be

active, intelligent and full of ideas. As the

editor, all I had to do was sending a few

emails, organizing one meeting and reading

through the fruits of the writers’ creativity. I

would therefore like to thank the whole team –

especially Julia, the guide without whom we

would have been deep in trouble - for giving

me one wonderful experience more and

giving you the mind-blowing reading package

that is also known as Baccanalia 2012. Because

(don’t say you were not warned) university life

is guaranteed to blow your mind.

Words

From

The

Editor

BACCANAL IA 2012

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KATRI

BLOMQVIST

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REETINGS, my fellow Anglicans! This

part of our annual publication has

traditionally held some inspiring

thoughts from the current chair. So, even

though I have got some pretty big shoes to fill,

I thought I'd do my share by talking a little bit

about identity.

"And the people in the houses all go to the

university, and they all get put in boxes and they

all come out the same. And there's doctors and

there's lawyers and business executives, and

they're all made out of ticky-tacky and they all

look just the same." - Malvina Reynolds

FOR MOST OF US, the way we think about

ourselves changes drastically during our first

year at University. We go from being pupils to

being students; from language enthusiasts to

linguists; from being the best in English in our

class to being compared to others who are just

as good, or better. And to grasping sentence

structures as difficult as that last one. Are you

there yet? And perhaps most importantly, we

become humanists. The reshaping of one's

identity is hardly a simple task. You can wear

your Turkulainen humanisti -t-shirts and sport

your blue overalls, and that goes a long way.

But at the end of the day, what really made it

happen for me was that I had other wonderful

people to share those realizations with. It

became clear to me why the concept of

identity has also been called sameness. That, I

believe, is Anglica at its finest. After all, we

can't all be doctors and lawyers, maybe my

role in life is to memorize Beowulf!

AS WE INEVITABLY START to branch out in

our respective directions - be that teaching,

research, other languages or even different

faculties - our identities continue to grow. My

hope is that you won't forget where you started

from, and know that you can always come

home. Sap fest!

Words from the Chair

"AFTER ALL, WE CAN'T ALL BE

DOCTORS AND LAWYERS,

MAYBE MY ROLE IN LIFE IS TO

MEMORIZE BEOWULF!"

Text SALLA ROKKA Photo JULIA HAMARA

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BACCANAL IA 2012

Get a little closer to

the board of 2012

The members of the board were asked to share a little something about

themselves for this year's issue. We hope these oh so revealing answers will help

you to get to know them a little better.

Text LOTTA MÄKINEN Photo ANTTI LIPSANEN

1 I'm from Helsinki but Turku is my home.

2 My reasons for wanting to be a part of the board were ...What's another year?

3 If I could be a character from my favourite TV show I would be Martha Jones. She gets to time

travel with the Doctor and is a total kick-ass. I also envy Abed for his infinite imagination.

4 If I was to design a t-shirt with a slogan it would say something really profound, like "The

opposite of war isn't peace. It's creation"

5 If I had to name one song that describes me best, it would be Insomnia.

1 Salla Rokka, Chair

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1 I'm originally from Anjalankoski.

2 If I could be a character from my favourite TV show I would be Roger from American Dad.

He's never bored.

3 If I was to design a t-shirt with a slogan it would say "Hello Ladies!"

4 If I didn't study English, my choice for a major subject would be astrophysics because it

seems cool.

5 If I was to be kicked out of a club the probable reason would be that I tried to take the

roulette table out for a spin.

2 Tomi Rautaoja, Vice Chair

1 I'm from Vaasa, the mecca of Finnish Swedes.

2 My reason for wanting to be a part of the board was that I wanted to be part of organizing

stuff. On my second time on the board, part of the reason was that nobody else wanted the

job.

3 My favourite pubs/clubs in Turku are Proffa and Three Beers because of the location and

cheap beer. Dynamo because of the music.

4 If I was to be kicked out of a club the probable reason would be ...That won't happen, I'm so

nice. But it would probably be because of too much liquor.

5 If I had to name one song that describes me best, it would be Ruudolf's

"Bodausanthem"

3 Heikki Haapamäki, Treasurer

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BACCANAL IA 2012

4 Viivi Mustonen, Secretary

1 I'm from the grand village of Vihti.

2 My reason for wanting to be a part of the board was that it is the ultimate excuse to be the

first one at a party and the last one to leave, and to get keys to the joints that matter.

3 If I could be a character from my favourite TV show I would be Phoebe Buffay because I’d

love to be the composer of a masterpiece like “Smelly Cat.”

4 So far the best party organised by Anglica was Britpop, because good music + awesome DJs

+ Dynamo = what’s not to love!?

5 If I had to name one song that describes me the best it would be “Can’t hug every cat.”

5 Hai Nguyen, Info

1 I'm straight outta Vietcong - Varissuo, Turku, Finland.

2 If I could be a character from my favourite TV show I would be Foreman from House MD,

because I've always wanted to be black, a badass with a degree.

3 So far the best party organised by Anglica was Britpop 2012, because we had bomb-ass DJs

and a smokin playlist. Oh and the partygoers were great too. We love you audience!

4 If I was to be kicked out of a club the probable reason would be for calling the bar patrons

racist homophobes, or other customers.

5 If I had to name one song that describes me the best it would be Mastodon - Megalodon

6 Saara Yli-Kauhaluoma, Educational matters

1 I originate from Rauma.

2 My reasons for wanting to be a member of the board were that, originally, I wanted to make

the most out of my own as well as others' time as a student. It was also the best way to meet

as many new and interesting people as possible. Now, being on board for the third year in a

row, I dunno what I was thinking. I probably have problems letting go. This is the last

round, I swear!

3 My favourite pub in Turku is El Gringo! Yummy tortillas, cheap beer, good music, and nice

staff = everything you need.

4 If I was to be kicked out of a club the probable reason would be being a pain in the ass.

5 If I had to name one song that describes me the best it would be Rise Against - Swing Life

Away

7 Pirkka Hallamaa, Party&Culture

1 My roots are in Nummi-Pusula, a small town located between two great cities, Turku and

Helsinki, but I'm trying to pull those roots out completely.

2 My favourite bar/club/pub in Turku is Koulu because their own beers are worth drinking,

you don't have to wait in line for hours and the atmosphere inside is amazing!

3 So far the best party organised by Anglica was the Toga Sitz, the whole night was just

bursting with epicness. Another must-attend is Piltti Sitz.

4 If I was to design a t-shirt with a slogan it would say "You can't spell 'Pirkka' without 'irk'!

5 If I didn't study English, my choice for a major subject would be the subject that would help

me get to study English because DUH!

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7 Janne Haapaniemi, Party&Culture

1 I'm straight outta Raisio, yo!

2 My reasons for wanting to be a part of the board were that I was looking to be an active part

of the student life and since I party a lot, the party&culture posish fits like a glove.

3 If I was to design a t-shirt with a slogan it would say ...The Kuningas-shirt sold at futisforum2

pretty much sums up my opinion and I'd never invent the wheel again.

4 If I didn't study English, my choice for a major subject would be gender studies because I

would like to understand women.

5 If I was to be kicked out of a club the probable reason would be emptying their supply of

Jaloviina and repeatedly asking for more.

8 Julia Hamara, Projects

1 I'm from Jyväskylä.

2 If I was to design a t-shirt with a slogan it would say "Makes you sad panda, yes or no?"

3 If I didn't study English, my choice for a major subject would be ceramic and glass design,

because what I've actually always wanted to do is make clay pots. Really. But then I

thought I should get a real profession and became a humanist.

4 If I could be a character from my favourite TV show I would be John "The Biscuit" Cage,

because he has all these cool widgets like a toilet-flushing remote control and an own nook

behind the unisex toilet.

5 If I was to be kicked out of a club the probable reason would be my company..

9 Mikko Salminen, Vice Member

1 I was born in Hyvinkää, but raised and schooled right here in Turku. 20810, baby!

2 My reason for wanting to be a part of the board was that, as one former board member

informed me, there always has to be that one member of the board who proves that good

looks haven't got anything to do with election results.

3 If I was to design a t-shirt with a slogan it would say the classic Blues Brothers line ”It's a

hundred and six miles to Chicago, we've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's

dark, and we're wearing sunglasses”

4 If I didn't study English, my choice for a major subject would be contemporary history

because that's where I first applied to, upon finding my true love: those Friday mornings

studying Aspects of Narrative.

5 If I had to name one song that describes me the best, it would be Kari Peitsamo - Mimmit

Pihtaa.

9 Jarkko Kouhia, Vice Member

1 I was born in Zürich, CH, then lived allover in Finland, including HKI, Jyväskylä, and

Hämeenlinna. 03 area is where I've spent most of my life before TKU.

2 If I could be a character from my favourite TV show I would be Rainbow Dash! NO, Applejack!

Wait, I don't even know what they are. Next question!

3 My favourite bar/club/pub in Turku is The Castle, because on the very first day I was told it

HAS to be my favorite, so it has been, ever since.

4 So far the best party organised by Anglica was iNMatES. Because it spanned the whole

weekend, and there was so much to attend (and consume).

5 If I was to be kicked out of a club the probable reason would be doing permanent damage to

people's eyesight with my unparalleled moves on the dancefloor (both literally and

metaphorically).

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BACCANAL IA 2012

My First Year as an English Student

PH Oh my, it’s quite impossible to try to

summarize the first year in university. The

parties, the great moments shared with

newfound university friends, the hazy Friday

morning lectures, the ups and downs that a

fresh piltti experiences during his/her first

year. Tears have been shed and laughs have

been bellowed. Still, I wouldn’t give this year

worth of experiences for anything!

VM As the first year has gone by, all I can say is

that I am greatly surprised of my attitude and

focus shifting from ”I want to get really good

grades” to ”I just want to organize really good

parties”. The fall went by very fast, leaving me

with only these distant memories of studying

like crazy and trying to learn the most efficient

studying techniques and what not. The spring

has been quite different, as I have to take care

of my responsibilites as a student and as a

member of the board of Anglica. Being on the

board has given me insight on how

organizations work and what I can do to make

Anglica work even better and offer more help

and amusement for our members.

PH I started my first academic career in the

less academic University of Applied Sciences

in Turku in fall ’07 and learned the academic

ropes there. Of course, the change of attitude

was still very eye-opening for me. I’d heard all

about the optional lectures, easy first courses

and general easiness, and figured I could still

keep doing 30 h a week at work while

studying. After finding out that almost all of our

lectures were mandatory and the courses

weren’t that easy, the work contract was

quickly decreased to 15 h, but still I feel that

one shouldn’t try to study and work at the same

time.

VM I don't know if this applies to all

organizations or just Anglica, but I've noticed

how my life has become very integrated with

our beloved organization – I spend a lot of time

on campus with the same people I go to

parties and spend my free time with. As I've

talked with Anglicans about this matter, we've

come to the conclusion that Anglica is like a

big, welcoming family, which means that you're

never alone.

PH I have to admit, being in Anglica has been

a life changer for me too. I mean, I’ve been to

student parties before, but the general warm

and inviting atmosphere of Anglica seriously

affected me. Anglica is something special, and

even though I may sometimes slack in my

school work, I’m dead serious about my work

on Anglica board!

VM As I have no previous experience in the

academic world, I can't compare my studies

with anything except my gap year. All I can say

is that working in a job you don't want to do for

longer than a year can really be that

motivation boost you need to help you focus

on studying and doing well in the entrance

exams.

PH Well, I studied chemistry for one year,

found out it wasn’t for me and quit it quickly

afterwards. I’m not completely happy with my

studies this year, but it’s nice to notice that this

time my choice was the right one! The feeling

that I’m in the right place with the right people

will (hopefully) help me study more and

become the English expert I wish to be one

day!

VM It was great to notice that studying English

is the right thing for me too. Somehow

everything seems a lot easier and more

straightforward when you don't have that

nagging feeling of uncertainty and keep

thinking “Well, I don't know if this is what I

want to do in life.” Turku, my studies and the

new friends have changed my life, and as

Pirkka said it, I wouldn't trade these

experiences for anything in the world.

Text PIRKKA HALLAMAA & VIIVI MUSTONEN

CADEMIC STUDIES are more often than not

the biggest task a just-anointed freshman

has ever undertaken. Dedicating five years

or more to a single purpose is understandably

daunting, especially at the brink of adulthood.

Many fail this task for one reason or another and

drop out. Many leave their thesis hanging for

years on end without ever finishing it. Many

abandon their English studies and apply for

something else instead. Many also find

employment during their studies and forgo the

idea of ever graduating.

YOU MIGHT THINK these people lack discipline

or that they made a mistake choosing their major.

You might also think that you'll never fail

miserably like this but will gloriously finish your

studies and be knighted by the headmaster at the

fountain in the end. This is far too simple a

description of the situation, however.

THERE'S CERTAINLY plenty of discouragement

available for the English major. It seems the only

clear career path for one is teaching, which many

abhor and many quietly accept. It seems other

fields of study such as law, medicine, economics,

natural and social sciences have better prospects

and better salaries. It seems the humanities are

constantly fighting off a threat of downsizing and

the horror story of not finding employment awaits

you in the near future.

YOU MIGHT NOW THINK that all your fears are

justified and you'd be better off studying

something else or trying to become a Siwa

manager or whatnot. Well guess what, there's

something people often forget. Most University of

Turku English graduates find employment and

lead well-to-do lives just fine. According to follow-

up questionnaires, 85% of graduates find

employment immediately. A few years down the

line, 100% are employed and withdrawing a

decent salary already. This is what people often

forget. The average English major will finish their

studies in due time, find a job and get paid well. I

want to say they also live happily ever after but I

guess some things other than their degree have

an effect on this.

THEREFORE, if you think you've made the right

choice, all you need to do is finish and you'll

probably do just fine after. Desperation strikes at

the heart of many an English major once you get

to the stage where you can see the final stretch of

your degree. There will probably come a time

when you're just about finished with your thesis

but without post-graduation plans yet. This is the

worst stage, but remember, it's only temporary.

On average, you'll finish your thesis, graduate

and get a job (although liking it is another thing

entirely which I won't deal with here).

YOU MIGHT BE EXPECTING a huge change in

your life to occur after you graduate, that working

instead of studying is a completely different

thing. It is, but don’t expect it to feel all that

different. Much of your life will probably be the

same apart from receiving a pay check monthly.

There's one thing about working life that the

average English major will enjoy after

graduation. You will no longer have an unfinished

thesis/essay/learning journal or a book exam to

study for. You do your job and relax afterwards.

It'll be much easier to separate work and free

time. Find enjoyment in this. Some people will,

however, always find projects and tasks to stress

about in their lives but this is entirely their own

fault.

TAKE WHAT YOU WILL from this story but at

least remember that doing your academic

studies is a short if not simple phase in your life

with much longer and challenging ones to follow.

And by the way, you don’t get knighted in the

end, just a letter at home (organize your own

party).

Text EETU LAINE

Life Beyond

the University

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BACCANAL IA 2012

The magnificent

Student Cafeterias

around us

The lecture just ended and the next one starts in thirty minutes. So, you walk

to Parkkis to grab a quick bite between lectures. The next day you’re feeling

adventurous and after the last lecture, you go to Assarin Ullakko. They are

both fine choices, but there is a world of opportunities for you! So, the next

time you’re feeling hungry and don’t feel like eating spaghetti with ketchup

at home, you could try something new. These are just some of the many

cafeterias available in Turku, and you should test them all at least once.

Text PIRKKA HALLAMAA

Restaurant ICT (or ICT-talo, whichever you

prefer) is rarely visited by university students.

It’s a bit off course during your normal

university day, but the little hike uphill is

actually quite rewarding. With its fine selection

of different kinds of food, this is one cafeteria

worth visiting. The price of the food varies, but

the cheapest foods are really cheap. For

example, a basic meal (for example ham and

potato casserole) only costs 1,48€, and it

includes the magnificent bread selection,

which is one of the best in the whole city of

Turku. Every non-vegetarian student should

also taste the game stew with potato puré and

lingonberry sauce, available for 4,68€.

The whole building is spacious, bright and

modern and the height of the room can’t be

explained in words. Seeing is believing! So,

take your last student allowance coins with you

and enjoy you lunch hour in the future.

RESTAURANT ICT

Location: Joukahaisenkatu 3 (ICT-talo, first floor)

Lunch time: Mon-Thu 10.30 - 14.30, Fri 10.30 - 14.00

MONTTU

Location: Rehtorinpellonkatu 3 (In the old building of the school of economics)

Lunch time: Mon-Thu 10.30 - 14.30 Fri 10.30 - 14.00

Most of the people dining in Monttu study –

surprise, surprise – economics. So, Monttu is

worth visiting just to see how the more

economic group of Turku looks like. The

clothing is wildly different from Assari just

across the street. The food is nothing worth

dying for, but the bread selection deserves

recognition. Also, it’s good to show the fellow

economists that we humanists know how to

dress up

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BACCANAL IA 2012

VEGETARIAN RESTAURANT KEIDAS

Location: Itäinen Rantakatu 61 (Wanha Rahtilaiva, next to Föri)

Lunch time: Mon-Fri 11:00 - 15:00

True men (and women) eat vegetables, and

what’s a better place to eat ’em than next to the

manifestation of Turku, the (in)famous Föri.

Keidas is located quite far from the university,

but this place surely is worth the effort. Some

of the student cafeterias have this very strong

facility feel to them, but Keidas doesn’t have

that problem. It couldn’t actually be much

more un-facility-like. The food tastes awesome

(unlike in some other vegetarian restaurants in

Turku) and Keidas uses many kinds of organic

foods. The restaurant is open through the

summer, so the next time you stroll near

Keidas, do try it out.

GADO

Location: Porthaninkatu 3-5, Turku

Lunch time: Mon-Thu 11:00 - 16:00, Fri 11:00 - 15:00

Do you feel your Swedish skills degrading?

Well, the best way to sharpen them up is to

head directly to Gado. You get to use your

second native language, and the food’s good

too. Breaded salmon steaks, steaks of minced

lamb meat, chicken fillet skewers and more.

What’s even more awesome is the fact that

Gado is just a short walk away from Juslenia.

So, if you’re feeling a bit adventurous but you

don’t have your best walking shoes on, Gado

is a safe bet for you. The well-lit restaurant will

surely lift your spirits after a long lecture.

Remember the other Swedish cafeterias Arken

(Tehtaankatu 2) & Kåren (Hämeenkatu 22).

TOTTISALMI

Location: Kirkkotie 13 (YTHS, 2nd floor)

Lunch time: Mon-Fri 10.30 - 15.00, Sat. 11.30 - 15.00

Tottisalmi is the place to go to if you want to

have a good quality meal. Some of the courses

might sound special every now and then (Liver-

Bacon sauce comes to mind as the most recent

example), but they never lack in quality. Every

day there are four meals from where you can

choose, and also a salad takeout where you

pay by the kilo. The vegetarian foods are tasty,

the bread table has a great selection of warm

delicacies and you rarely have to stand in a

queue for more than a few minutes. The

interior decoration is beautiful and modern

and the spice table has an ample amount of

exotic spices. The lunch is also served on

Saturdays, so why not start your next weekend

with a stomach full of great food?

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BACCANAL IA 2012

Anglica presented:

HE TRADITIONAL ANGLICA

EVENT, Band Night, once again

proved that our student

organization is not short in talent when

it comes to music. The night saw three

bands, featuring current and former

Anglicans, taking the stage at Klubi.

The DJing duties were taken over by

DJs 2 Mikkoa, whose set varied from

Finnish garage rock to American

electro.

Text ANNA VAHTERA & MIKKO SALMINEN Photos VIIVI MUSTONEN

@ K l u b i / L i v e , M a r c h 1 4 t h 2 0 1 2

BAND NIGHT

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BACCANAL IA 2012

The first act was SISSIPRINSESSA &

VIETKONG, making their debut appearance in

front of an audience. The duo featured Lilli

Airaksinen on vocals and Hai Nguyen on

acoustic guitar/”Spongebob Squarepants” -

ukulele. Hai also took over the lead vocals on a

few cover songs. Besides a few rough spots

(naturally due to a limited number of

practices), their show was pleasant and warm-

hearted. Lilli’s amazing voice was backed up

with simple guitar lines, forming a nice

combination that wasn’t overdone. A more

intimate room would have served the opening

act even better, but the duo’s great

personalities made the audience feel at home.

The second performer of the night was

MARKUS PERTTULA with his band that

included Magdalena Valkeus playing the cello,

Toni Turpeinen playing the drums and Joona

Liesilinna on bass. Perttula sang in Finnish, and

his music was kind of Finnish folk and pop

music combined with British indie and rock

music. There was also a lot of influence from

the American singer & songwriters like Jeff

Buckley. The beautiful, dreamy and a bit

melancholic melodies and lyrics were easy to

listen to, and the leader of the band was quite

easy on the eyes as well…!

The third and final act of the night was

MAGLEVS with Mikko Koskinen (guitar,

keyboards and vocals), Christopher Stratton

Smith (bass, keyboards, percussion, backing

vocals), Toni Turpeinen (drums) and Kasperi

Teittinen (keyboards, guitar). Their music was

a mix of British pop and indie music, and the

show was all in all very energetic and

enjoyable, even without the sympathy points

that the lead singer tried to get with his

damaged leg.

AFTER THESE THREE BANDS had had their

chance to prove the talents that can be found

in our beloved Anglica, it was time to end the

traditional Band Night. May the tradition

continue!

Anglica presented:

BAND NIGHT

16

BACCANAL IA 2012

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Text JULIA HAMARA & RIIKKA SALMELA

Photos JULIA HAMARA

17

BACCANAL IA 2012

Salla and Riikka went wild the

minutes. Wow!

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18

OK,

KB

Text HAI NGUYEN

Photos JULIA HAMARA

As you might have already guessed

by looking at the pictures, this is a

personal interest story about a

lecturer at the English Department.

This is a story of Dr. Keith Battarbee.

And some of you may already know

this, but Dr. Battarbee is retiring

after this semester from the

University of Turku. I had the honor

and the chance to pick his brain

about life, the University and

everything before he would depart

the department and leave us behind

with his legacy, the North American

Studies program and a new Juslenia.

19

BACCANAL IA 2012

T'S A MID-MARCH AFTERNOON and the

sun fills everything with its orange glow

behind my back as I'm walking the

familiar route towards the University on

Hämeenkatu, only this time I'm not heading to

Juslenia or Proffa. I glance at my cell phone in

horror to see whether I'm already late or not.

I'm two minutes early - no worries. So I go in,

get some coffee and wait for Dr. Battarbee to

show up. In a few minutes, he walks in, says hi

and goes to get some coffee. I try to eavesdrop

if he orders in Finnish or English, just out of

curiosity. He sits down and we get to business.

DR. KEITH JOHN BATTARBEE came to Finland

in the 1970's. And when he arrived in Turku, he

expected to be in Åbo – but soon realized that

he couldn't do his shopping in Swedish. Back

then you couldn't get proper ales from the

supermarket and university students were

appalled if someone asked a question in the

middle of a lecture. I imagine a younger Keith

Battarbee on a ship's deck, staring at awe at

the mighty frozen sea – it's all much like Titanic

in my head, without the tragedy of hitting an

iceberg and everybody dying. From Yorkshire

to Varsinais-Suomi – how does that happen?

THE CITY OF HULL he called home for a

number of years, but I guess at this point,

Turku's had more years over Hull. But no

matter how long he's lived someplace else, he

tells me that his Yorkshire roots are very

important to him, though the strong sense of

regional identity that Yorkshire people often

have, amuses him. I've never heard an

authentic Yorkshire accent, but in some

lectures Keith does give interesting examples

of his native dialect, so I guess the

yorkshireness persists. We talk about identity

and language, something Keith is very

interested in, and we get to some very

interesting stories about Keith. Even though

he's lived here longer than most of us, Finns

might still see him as a foreigner, despite the

fact that he's been a citizen for about 30 years.

”I REMEMBER A FEW YEARS AGO hearing

some kids talking about me, near where I lived,

and they referred to me as 'se englantilainen',

and I'm sure it persists. I've gone through some

big swings about identity, except that I've

always felt I belong to Yorkshire. For a long

time I was not very happy with being British,

but that was when Margaret Thatcher was

Prime Minister and I didn't like her policies.

But I've been a Finnish citizen since 1980, and I

very much like having two political identities. I

think I'm a bit of a chameleon.”

IT'S INTERESTING that a person who's

interested in the social dimensions and usage

of English should experience his own

research. And it hasn't been the first time he's

been referred to as 'se englantilainen', so I go

on and ask him about whether he likes to be

referred to as the Englishman, or something

else. In less than a second, he snaps out an

answer: ”I prefer to be referred to as Keith”.

The British have always struck me as the sort

of people who talk really fast, and I'm proven

right again - Keith swiftly continues on how

some Finnish speakers call him Kiihi (/ki:hi/),

because they listen and try to imitate what he's

saying and not looking at how it's written. Then

again, if they did, he'd still be unhappy.

”If they'd look at how it's written, they'd call me

Kate (/keIt/) and that I have more problems

with.”

BEING A FINNISH CITIZEN, you'd expect him

to speak Finnish. When I was eavesdropping

on him earlier, I heard the lady selling coffee

respond in Finnish, so I assumed he knew his

way around getting coffee in Finnish. I wonder

how much Finnish does an English English

teacher use on a daily basis? Then again, how

can the supermarket cashier tell he's English?

I've noticed that the assumption in Finland is

that everybody speaks Finnish unless

corrected. And this is the case with Keith too –

apparently, very rarely does anyone switch to

English with him anymore. They used to, but

now when people hear him talking Finnish,

they ask him how long he's been in Finland.

You can probably imagine the reply: first you

see some beard displacing, then come in the

eyes with the smile.

20

BACCANAL IA 2012

KB

”Longer than you have.” I remark that he says it

a lot, and he explains that when you have a

joke, you have to work it hard. I start thinking

about how many of Keith's jokes I've heard that

so many other students before me have heard

as well. Thinking back 40 years, there must be

hundreds of them.

BACK IN THE 1970'S, foreigners in Finland

were a rare sight. The only foreigners Finns

had regular contact were probably Swedish.

But keeping in mind, that Anglica was founded

in 1958 and English has been a major subject

in the University of Turku since 1946, we've

probably had foreigners here and there. But

Finland has never been kind to foreigners. And

it gets damn cold too. So how did Keith

Battarbee end up in Finland?

“A SHIP,” he snidely remarks and then there's

a silence where I freeze up. Where does he

come up with this! We both laugh, and he tells

me I walked right into that one and continues

with the story of how he came to Finland.

“I WENT TO UNIVERSITY IN CAMBRIDGE, and

I read English literature for the first degree,

and then I did my doctorate in what they call

the Faculty of English. But it all was really sort

of cultural history. After that I went and taught

in Germany for three years, and whilst I was

living there, I met my first wife, who was

Finnish. And the first time I came to Finland, I

came to meet her family. And that was also my

first ever experience with frozen sea: we came

across late March or early April, from

Stockholm and the sea was frozen. And I had

never experienced, seen or heard frozen sea

before! Because we didn't have much money,

we had a cabin right down the bottom of the

ship, and it was very noisy with all the ice

banging against the hull. And when my job in

Germany was coming to an end, a job was

advertised in Turku and we thought that that

seems to be a good idea, we'll go to Finland for

a few years and then see what happens. And

I'm still here. And that was 1972, 40 years ago.

So when I retire, I will have worked for the

University for exactly 40 years, to the day.”

SO HOW does a person go on from studying

English literature to teaching courses like

Language and Society, Linguistic landscapes,

Contemporary Societies and Institutions

USA/UK and so forth?

”SO I STUDIED ENGLISH LITERATURE IN

CAMBRIDGE, but I had spent half a year in

California, staying with friends and family in

Berkeley, between high school and university.

And I audited classes at University of

California, in sociology and political science,

so I was already interested in the social

sciences. I was always reading modern history

and sociology and stuff like that as well. And

when I went to Germany, I was recruited to

teach English literature and English language

proficiency. After a couple of years, there was

a change in the degree regulations, and they

said that students doing languages must also

do cultural studies of the language area whose

language they were studying, and my

department said 'we don't have anyone who

could teach this' and I said 'yes you have.'

SO I STARTED TEACHING British studies,

which was then a big shift in my work. Since

then I've taught British or Anglophone studies,

along with social history and contemporary

society and so on, for the rest of my career.”

NOT ONLY has Keith taught British studies

after that, but he was also one of the people

who founded the North American Studies

program. The whole thing got started when he

was recruited to Turku to teach British studies,

but after a few years he thought it was crazy to

teach only British studies, because yes, Britain

is important for English, but so is the United

States. He then started to do some reading on

American history and society and at some

point he offered courses dealing with the

United States. Not long after though, he

realized that teaching only about Britain was a

kind of cultural imperialism, and what he'd

done was to replace one cultural imperialism

by two. So Keith began to thinking about other

English speaking countries, and he started

looking at Canada. So here are the roots of

NAMS.

BACCANAL IA 2012

“I'D VISITED CANADA whilst I was spending

the half year in the States. And I thought it was

interesting partly because now I was living in a

Nordic country, and Canada is this kind of

English (and French) speaking Nordic country.

A bit after that, we had some visiting Canadian

speakers and I hosted them. Somehow then, I

discovered a Nordic association for Canadian

studies and I joined that. I was a grassroots

member for quite a number of years and

eventually I was elected to the Finnish

committee and then to the Nordic board. I

served on the Nordic board for twelve years,

until last year. Eventually that took shape as

'why don't we have a North American studies

program?' There were about half a dozen of us

involved, and that was the early 1990's. Since

then, I've been teaching courses on North

American studies. And it's been a

multidisciplinary study program right at the

beginning: history, literature,

geography, film.”

SO FAR IT'S BEEN A BLAST

shooting the wind with Dr.

Battarbee, he seems like a

person who could talk for days

and you wouldn't get bored. It's a

shame there isn't enough space

to contain all of Keith on these

pages. I finish my coffee and

really start digging. Before the

interview, he seemed intrigued

by my set of journalistic tools – a

Zoom H2 recording device, a pen

and some paper. Apparently

technology has made huge

leaps, and my recorder reminds

him of his iPod he'd got while in

Canada doing research.

THE IPOD however was four

times smaller than my recorder. I

immediately take on the subject

and begin questioning him about

his Apple devices, because

among the students, he's known

as a Mac user. He's constantly

showing off his älypuhelin,

iPhone, and his Mac will gleam at

you from the corner of his office. And

apparently, he's an OG when it comes with

Macintosh computers.

“I BOUGHT MY FIRST COMPUTER IN 1986,

and Macs had been around for two years. I

spent about half a year, playing around with

different things. IBM had brought out the first

PCs, and I found them very clumsy to use. At

that time I was commuting between Turku and

Tampere, teaching there two days a week and

a colleague at Tampere showed me his

computer, which was a Mac. And I was just

immediately won over by it. So I bought a Mac

in the Autumn of 1986. Brought it home,

plugged it in. You can't really compare it with

what computers are like now, but I was really

struck that my four year old son sat down with

the 1980's graphics program and he just

picked up the mouse and started drawing.

21

BACCANAL IA 2012

I THOUGHT TO MYSELF, if a four year old can

do this, then there is something about it.

Despite being a Mac user, I'm not cutting edge

technology – I never got around to updating

the OS on my iPhone, so people I get people

asking me if I've seen this and this app. There's

one astronomy app, where you just hold your

iPhone up to the sky and it shows you what

stars and planets, but it only works with

whatever iOS we're up to now. So, I just never

got around to it, but one of these days I will –

too many things to do in life.”

WHEN I SAID HE'S KNOWN for using Macs at

the department, he asks me if he's known for

other things as well. And I just sit there, staring

at him and wondering what I can say. So I go on

and start with his emails, because they're

almost infamous. I hear some students even

compare what kind of emails they get from

Keith. All of his students probably know the

emails Keith sends out – they're usually four or

five lines long, and they often remind me of

'The Semiotics of Professor E-mail Signature'

which is about interpreting university

professors' emails. So Keith's emails amuse

some of us, and some of us are irritated and

offended by them. But I think he secretly

enjoys sending us supershort emails.

“I REALIZED SOME YEARS AGO, that often all

I need to say to a student is yes, so there's no

point in spending 10 minutes when you can do

it 15 seconds. So it saves time, but I guess it

also amuses me to send ultrashort emails. I did

it once to one of my sons, who didn't like it at

all. Do people think it's rude? It's better if they

amuse people. I've never tried calculating how

much time I save, but I roughly spend about 2

hours a day, 5 days a week, and then maybe 1

hour a day on weekends, reading and writing

emails. Obviously, distributed unevenly. So

there will be days when I'll spend the whole

day catching up with emails, usually when I've

been away. It's just an amazing amount of

email. It's kind of funny, because email has

So you want two dinosaurs in the same picture?” laughed Keith, when

he was asked to be photographed in front of Juslenia.

22

23

BACCANAL IA 2012

been around for about half of my teaching

career. Before that, students had to come and

see you in person. Now that was slow.”

MY SILENCE ABOUT HIS QUESTION on what

other things he's known for among students left

me in a pickle, because I feel obligated to be

an instrument of truth – so I go forth and blurt it

out, beginning with an awkward “well, you

know there's this one little tiny thing..” He

seems curious as I lift my hand to demonstrate

one of his mannerisms. I tell him there's a pose

he does while lecturing, and while I do it, I

explain to him with painstaking detail how he

lifts up his hand towards his head and how his

fingers encroach his forehead. My face goes a

shade paler out of horror, because I think he's

going to be offended but instead he looks at

me, smiles and exclaims: ”I am totally unaware

of this! (giggles) Well, it's a good thing I am not

going to be lecturing to you very much more,

because now I will become acutely self-

conscious of it.”

TALKING ABOUT STUDENTS, it occurs to me

that Anglica is turning 55 in 2013, and Keith's

been here for 40 years. When I mention this to

him, he gives me that Keithian smile and

snidely remarks: “Gosh, you mean Anglica's

been in the department longer than I have?” It

means that when Keith first came into the

department, Anglica was only in her teens! So I

wonder what his relationship with Anglica has

been like.

”I THINK IT'S BEEN A VERY HEALTHY

RELATIONSHIP, we keep a suitable distance

from each other and you get with your student-

y sort of things and we get with our staff-y sort

of things. And I'm fairly serious actually when I

say that there is a suitable distance, because

Anglica obviously has a very important social

function for students and that's not going to

work very well if members of the teaching staff

are mingling too much, looking over your

shoulder while you're engaging in social

activities.”

AS THE INTERVIEW DRAWS TO A CLOSE,

appropriately the lady working there informs

us she'll be closing in a few minutes. Keith says

ok and grabs his coat. But I'm still anxious to

ask him a lot of questions about everything! He

really is the type of person who could go on for

hours, and no wonder, he has seen a lot in his

time. So I rush on to get some favorite

moments or memories he'd like to share.

”I'M GOING TO DISAPPOINT YOU on this one,

because in one sense, there are so many, I

don't know how to pick one. I've been here too

long. It is time for me to leave, it is time for the

department to get new people coming in. It's

been lovely over the last few years, we've had

a lot of change in the staff and some of the new

people we've had... Alyson was great, Max is

great – Damon and I get on extremely well

together. I guess, we both have somewhat

similar extroversion. Though he's louder than I

am.”

I GO ON FAST to enquire what he's going to

do with the newly found time on his hands,

now that he's retiring. My question is met with

laughter.

”RUTH AND I are almost certainly going to

Manchester for a year, I've got a book to write,

I'll probably do some studying. And I will still

intend to go to conferences and do papers,

stuff like that. I'll probably try to take up more

music, find a choir or two for singing. And get

some of those books read that keep

accumulating on my shelves – because the

unread books accumulate faster, than the read

books. That's gonna be a real problem though,

because I lose my office at the university, and

you may have noticed, there's a book or two in

my office. And we have a very small house in

Raunistula. They're going to have to go into

boxes, and where do we put the boxes. That's a

real problem. We need a bigger house.”

A FEW SECONDS BEFORE we are kicked out,

I ask Keith for his words of wisdom to us

students.

“Never trust your teachers but sometimes they

might be right.”

24

BACCANAL IA 2012

A

F

C

OLLOWING THE NOBLE EXAMPLE set

by the older Anglica Beer Club, the

Anglica Food Club was also started with

the intention of bringing together all those

Anglicans who share a passion for something

and, in this particular case, the passion being

the love for good food. The idea of the AFC is

very simple. Our members use the club’s

Facebook site as a place to share their recipes

with fellow club members, to exchange

cooking tips and also to inform other

members of nice restaurants they have visited.

Most importantly, the members of the club

have come together on several occasions to

prepare and cook various kinds of delicious

meals and to mingle with like-minded friends

of the culinary arts.

Text VILLE NIEMI & SATU SALO Photo SATU SALO

NGLICA

OOD

LUB

25

BACCANAL IA 2012

THE VERY FIRST AFC MEETING took place in

early October and it was held in the cosy

confines of H2 where the participants gathered

to enjoy each other’s home cooking. While the

number of attendants was low, everyone had a

great time and the consensus was clear: again,

soon, more people and a clear theme.

EVENTUALLY, the only objective we fell short

of was ‘soon’ and the next meeting on

November 29th was a success. 18 hungry Food

Club members flocked to the spacious kitchen

and salon of the sauna rooms in Ikituuri

(through the courtesy of Ms Satu Salo) to enjoy

a wonderful combination of African, Middle-

Eastern and Indian food. The favourable

reaction of the attendants only strengthened

the organizers’ conviction to ensure that more

such nights would follow. The third and, as of

this writing, latest but definitely not the last

AFC meeting was held on February 7th and,

once again, in the sauna rooms of Ikituuri. This

time we had opted for a Mediterranean menu

which combined the best the Greek and

Turkish cuisines had to offer. The number of

attendants dropped down to only nine this

time but that is the only negative thing that can

be said of the evening.

THE WRITERS OF THIS ARTICLE shall not

mince words trying to convince the readers of

the apparent awesomeness of the Food Club.

Instead, we humbly suggest you look us up on

Facebook and ask to join us if you already

haven’t so you can join the fun. We would,

however, like to take this opportunity to briefly

explain the fundamental philosophy behind

the Food Club.

ONE ONLY NEEDS to look at the enthusiasm

with which Anglicans participate in the Bake

Sales and the tremendous amount of effort

they put into their delicious pastries and it

becomes obvious: we Anglicans are a living

contradiction to the popular and (hopefully)

untrue true myth that, when it comes to

cooking, we students are an unimaginative,

uncreative and lazy lot; that we all too gladly

shy away from the effort of actually preparing

and cooking something ourselves, choosing to

subsist on microwave noodles instead. As the

Bake Sales and the aura of joy and the good

times that always surround them demonstrate,

the food we consume is not simply fuel to run

the engine that is the human body but, as

cheesy as it sounds, food is something that

should bring people together to enjoy

ourselves and also the company of our nearest

and dearest. Eating together has been and

should forever remain an important social

ritual during which we nourish not only our

bodies but our minds and spirits as well. This

belief lies at the very heart of the unofficial

motto of the Food Club: We all love good food

and that is a love that is best shared!

“In fact, people who possess no magic at all can

instil their home-cooked meals with love and

security and health, transforming ingredients

and bringing disparate people together as

family and friends. There's a reason that when

opening one's home to guests, the first thing you

do is offer food and drink. Cooking is a kind of

everyday magic.”

– Juliet Blackwell

STAY HUNGRY!

A

F

C

"WE ALL LOVE GOOD FOOD

AND THAT IS A LOVE THAT IS

BEST SHARED!"

26

Text ALEKSI KIM

Photo ANTTI SUOMELA

IVE MEMBERS of Anglica Beer Club

(later ABC) met to rate cheap lagers

found at local Lidl stores and Citymarket

supermarkets. The four raters were Aleksi Kim,

Timo Savela, Antti Suomela and Ilkka Perkiö.

Otto Lehikoinen acted as the beer slave and

tiebreaker.

THE BEERS were chosen rather arbitrarily,

with a non-alcoholic and a premium but still

affordable alternative thrown in for

comparison. Rating was done in a blind

experiment using appearance, smell, taste and

mouthfeel as criteria. As all of our beers were

cheap lagers, differences were predictably

small; nevertheless, we had little trouble

reaching a consensus. Without further ado, the

results from worst to best are as follows:

7. NON-ALCOHOLIC NIKOLAI (3.42€/l).

Couldn't fool us even in a blind test. Got

ranked the worst of the lot by all of us. Entirely

drinkable, but only in the sense that you don't

have to chew it. Smells terrible, tastes even

worse and won't even get you drunk. The brew

of the abyss; considering that this is the kind of

stuff that ABC members are forced to drink in

Hell, I would suggest avoiding it like crotch rot

for as long as you live.

6. EUROSHOPPER PREMIUM LAGER (3.30€/l).

The name is both highly optimistic and

ridiculous. The brand image cannot justify the

sleep-inducingly boring red-and-white can.

Sharp and metallic taste, so it's like drinking

razor blades, only less pleasant. The price is

too high as well.

5. KARJALA (2.91€/l). The common bar draught

performed worse than we expected. Failed to

catch our imagination; it wasn't praised, but

not scolded either. That's bland, all right.

4. NOBELANER (2.19€/l). The cheapest beer

here is usually considered reasonably good,

but the competition proved too tough this time.

Like Karjala, Nobelaner received little flak but

it wasn't praised either, so the two are the

barrier between the dreadful nonsense and

the good stuff.

3. SAKU ORIGINAAL (4,60€/l) Our premium

alternative did quite well, but a strong malty

first taste can only carry you so far when there

is no aftertaste whatsoever. Can you truly

convince yourself it's worth the price when it

got beaten by two cheaper beers?

2. PIRKKA LAGER, tall yellow can (3.68€/l).

Had a relatively rich taste, with hints of

sweetness and hops. Reminded us of

nightclubs, cheap bars, pool halls, sauna and

barbeque, so should be easy to chug down

anywhere and everywhere.

1. PIRKKA III, small blue can (2.79€/l). Shared

first place with its sister beer until Otto voted

for the blue one for its distinctness. Smells and

tastes slightly sweet and floral, with a slight

fruitiness to complete the package. The blue

stuff is also cheaper of the two, so there you go.

MANY LAUGHED at Pirkka when they

unleashed their lagers upon the world, but

now it turns out that Juho's praise may have

had a very serious point. Make no mistake,

cheap lager is always cheap lager, but we are

happy to report that not all of them are as bad

as you might think.

ABC Rates Cheapo Beer

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BACCANAL IA 2012

Beer Appearance Smell Taste Mouthfeel Overall

Nikolai,

non-

alcoholic

beer

pale, sicklish

yellow,

”piss”,

greenish

yellow

very

unpleasant

malty, skunky,

swimming

hall

not what a

beer should

taste like,

malty, non-

existent –

strikingly so

easy to drink

but tastes

bad and

smells even

worse

Pirkka

Lager

(yellow

can)

yellow,

golden,

pleasantly

golden

malty,

beery

sweet, malty,

light floral

sidenotes (hops),

generic, cheap

nightclub shit,

easy to chug

down anywhere

and anytime

light, medium

carbonation

good for

sauna, cheap

nightclubs or

bars, pool

halls; enjoy

with cheese

sausages

Karjala

a darker gold,

yellow,

golden yellow

beery, malty,

slightly

skunky

like someone

had put out a

cigarette in the

beer, average,

blander than

the 2nd, malty

quite light,

light

carbonation

between

beer #1 and

beer #2

Euroshopper

Premium

Lager

sickly

pale/yellow,

like beer #1

slightly fruity,

malty, floral

notes

slightly fruity,

meh, malty,

sharp

light, little to

medium

carbonation,

”if I remember

correctly

stronger than

#1-3 and #5-6”

similar to #2

but sharper

and thinner,

metallic

Nobelaner

golden,

unpleasantly

golden

yellow, yellow

malty, light

floral notes,

light fruit,

malty, OK

like #2, too much

carbon to taste

anything, malty,

more distinct

aftertaste, 2nd

strongest taste

extremely

light, lots of

carbon, (light

to) medium

carbonation

”Try

carbonated

water instead.

Still better

than #1.”

Saku

Originaal

yellow,

golden

yellow, light

yellow (lager-

like)

malty, light floral

sidenotes, ”more

attack – I have

drunk this

before”, OK

strong first

taste – no

aftertaste,

pungent malt

but dies pretty

soon, malty

light, medium

carbonation,

carbonated

Similar to #2

and #4 but

more

carbonation

Pirkka III

(blue can)

dark-ish

golden

yellow

plesant, sweet

like a flower

field, no

distinct

maltiness but

”more distinct

from others”

light, sweet,

floral, quite

good, slight

fruitiness that

separates it

from other

generic lagers

light,

carbonated,

lacks in body

Different from

others, Pool

hall vibe

again

watery, little-

medium

carbonation

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BACCANAL IA 2012

A Minimal Pair

Pub Crawl

Text JANNE HAAPANIEMI & ANNE HEIKKILÄ

Photos VIIVI MUSTONEN

IT’S 8.47 AM and the two thirsty Anglican

students are eagerly waiting for Alepub to

open. It is a thirst that only beer can satisfy.

1 ALEPUB (Brahenkatu 2)

+ Prices (beer 2,90€, cider 3,50€)

+ staff: friendly

- No patio/service outside

- The customer base: already drunk at 9am…

After finishing our pints, we decided it was

time to take care of some educational matters

and headed towards Juslenia. (and Proffan

Kellari)

2 JUSLENIA (Anglica’s coffee hour)

(Henrikinkatu 2)

+ Free coffee

- No alcohol

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BACCANAL IA 2012

3 PROFFAN KELLARI

(Rehtorinpellonkatu 6)

+ Happy hour: 12am to 5pm (beer 3,30€, cider

3,70€)

+ Staff (especially Teppo)

+ Board games, pool, darts

+ Patio

+ Customers: mostly students (and only some

of them were drunk!)

+ Location location location

- Music (when we were there it was a little bit

depressing, but it varies from day to day)

Our editor Katri joined us for the rest of the

crawl and made Janne buy her some seriously

expencive cider at Proffan Kellari.

4 BAR BRISTOL (Hämeenkatu 16)

+ Variety of beers

+ Music: oldies but goodies

+ Board games and quiz nights

- Ladies room: the smell was indescribable,

and definitely not in a good way (not even

remotely breathable)

- No patio

After downing our drinks we decided to enjoy

the approaching summer and headed towards

the Turku Cathedral after a quick stop at K-

Extra Puhakka for some cold ones. .

5 TURKU CATHEDRAL

(Tuomiokirkonkatu 1)

+ Puhakka’s renowned selection of beers

+ Pricing (0,5l Heineken 2,99€)

+ Afternoon sun warms the stairs quite nicely

- WINDY!

- No music (the sound of traffic does not count)

Having discussed enough about pandas and

cats on beaches (!?) we started to make our

way towards our next destination: the Main

Library (with a quick pit stop at Lidl)

BACCANAL IA 2012

6 MAIN LIBRARY (Linnankatu 2)

+ Cheapest beer so far (small can of

Nobelaner 0,87€)

+ The sun shines on the stairs as well, less

wind, more people around

+ Everything is close: toilets, bars, shops, food

and you can even buy a warm coat for under

5€!

- Despite of the sun, the stairs were still cold.

Our tushies got cold!

- Disapproving looks were cast at our direction

(What do you mean we’re not allowed to drink

here!?)

Since we’re in Turku, we just had to include the

river boats to this crawl, even though the best

ones are not open yet.

7 CINDY (Itäinen Rantakatu, Teatterisilta)

+ There’s food (restaurant below deck, but

what’s up with the way too small ketchup

packets!?)

+ View

+ It’s a boat. On a river. That serves alcohol.

Enough said?

+ “Christmas” lights

- Beer selection: only a few options available

After a brief photo shoot session on the deck of

Cindy, we decided to change venue and left for

Janne’s regular hangout Bar4.

8 BAR 4 (Kristiinankatu 4)

+ Award winning service and bartenders:

excellent drinks!

+ The best JalluVintage in Turku (A bottle of

Henry Weston’s Vintage cider served in a 1l

pint filled with ice and a shot of Jaloviina)

Naturally that was what we ordered!

+ Board games

+ Good music: club nights with excellent DJ’s,

for example KSK on Sunday’s

+ Small patio

+ Location (close to Night Club Marilyn and

Forte)

- There could be more seats for the customers

It was still early when we arrived to Bar4 so we

decided we might as well play a game of

Scrabble and see who’s got a way with the

words. Janne did, although our editor was not

far behind either. After that we figured we

should be hungry, and stopped for some

delicious Hesburger cheeseburgers.

9 EL GRINGO (Kauppiaskatu 3)

+ Student friendly prices: beer 3€, cider 3,5€

+ Really good music, awesome latino rhythms

+ Awesome tortillas ayayayayay!

- Gets cramped quickly due to its’ small size.

(On the other hand it does give the place its’

signature intimateness)

Enjoying the cheapness of our drinks at El

Gringo, we decided to continue on the same

track and headed to Tinatuoppi, aka Tinis.

10 TINATUOPPI (Eerikinkatu 8)

+ Again, cheap beer

+ Surprisingly good selection of beers and

ciders

+ Music was ok

- Weird smell, and the place was scruffy overall

We entertained ourselves for a while with

some Taistelu-Jaska up on the platform, but

eventually felt the need for more class and

hopped over to the neighboring bar, one of

our favorites The Castle.

11 THE CASTLE (Eerikinkatu 6)

+ Excellent selection of beers, ciders and

whiskeys (Magners 6,20€, but totally worth it.

Fosters 5€, not so much worth it)

+ Great music and live performers on

weekends

+ The award winning bouncer/ regular

customer Kalle

+ The place has a real cozy Irish Pub feel to it

with it’s old British add plackets hanging on

the walls (Guinness, Royal Navy etc.)

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BACCANAL IA 2012

31

+ Most of the staff is British and the drinks from

taps are served in actual pint sizes (0,568l)

+ Quiz night every Wednesday 8pm. Board

games and darts are also available

+ A regular hangout for the English

Department staff and students

Another Anglican freshman, Niilo, joined us at

this point of our journey and since it was

already past 10pm we decided to hit the clubs.

First up: Forte.

12 FORTE (Kristiinankatu 8)

+ Prices are ridiculously low!

+ The only night club open every day of the

week

+ The place to be (especially) on Sunday nights

- Even our notes got stuck to the table, and if

you aren’t careful, you might lose your shoes to

the dance floor

After Forte, we only had one last place to

venture, the main venue of student parties:

Night Club Marilyn.

13 NIGHT CLUB MARILYN

(Eerikinkatu 19)

+ For the real bang for your buck, look for the

special offers!

+ The best student parties in Turku by far

(mainly on Wednesdays and Thursdays)

+ Award winning night club

- Sticky floors

The girls got tired quite early after this

eventful day and decided it was time to hit the

hey, Niilo followed their lead pretty soon after,

but Janne partied till closing time, as usual. (So

obviously that part of the night remained a

mystery for the rest of us).

Janne Freshman/Party & Culture.

Usually drinks: Beer and/or Jallu

Hangs out at: Bar4

Anne: Freshman

Usually drinks: Magners/other

cider

Hangs out at: The Castle

Additional thanks to Viivi for the

pictures and Niilo and Katri for

their precious insight on the

matters at hand!

THE MINIMAL PAIR

DID YOU KNOW? The University’s

main library is supposed to have this

amazing collection of all the texts

printed in Finland since way back. Yeah,

supposedly they have, like, hundreds and

hundreds of shelves filled with books,

newspapers, magazines and even stuff like

advertisement print-outs and movie posters

and-...

What d’you mean ‘that’s just silly’? It’s

true. I tell ya! There’s, like, a law that says they

have to store each and every copy of Turun

Sanomat as well as every single Seiska. Not

that anybody would read them there.”

“Mmm, though it might sound stupid it

is true. Still, it would take quite a bit of space...

That would explain why they decided to build

the library up on the freaking hill – damn, it’s a

pain to walk up those stairs every day- so that

they would have somewhere to dig all those

corridors and tunnels for them archives.”

“If they really wanted to build it

underground they could have done it pretty

much anywhere! But yeah, it is a bit weird to

dig down up there instead of simply building

upward or something. Why did they do it that

way?”

*

“Oh, you mean the tunnels under the

university hill? Sure I know why they chose to

use them! I bet you didn’t know this but those

were actually there long before the current

university was built.

My Granpa told me that when they still

had the garrison downhill, where they

nowadays have Edu and Calonia, there was a

‘supply’ tunnel that ran from a storehouse near

the hill through the entire hill all the way to the

cathedral. It was meant to be used for, you

know, more discreet business since it made it

easy to slip away for a night in the city and be

back without people being none the wiser. Or

at least until the entrance collapsed! Granpa

said that one poor sod almost got himself

buried alive there. The garrison was already

being relocated to another place, though, so

the whole incident was just swept under the

rug, you know. I mean, with the entrance

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BACCANAL IA 2012

“Did you know...?”

Text JOONAS NIKKANEN

There are plenty of rumours and stories students tell one another. Some of

them sound unbelievable but are true nonetheless, whereas others are just

pure fiction. The following collection is inspired by the possibilities offered

by the colourful past of the campus as well as the human mind’s incredible

ability to imagine things out of nothing and the way one-upmanship can

make a circling rumour gradually more and more amazing...

sealed you couldn’t get into the tunnels

anymore except by digging new ones, so it

didn’t really matter.”

“Then what about the other end? The

one near the cathedral, was it closed off as

well?”

“Apparently it’s supposed to have been

in somebody’s basement, so I can’t imagine it

would be used too often. You do have a point

though...”

*

“Bah! All that about kilometres’ worth of

books collecting dust in the basement of a

library is nothing, nothing, compared to the

other things you can get to through those

tunnels. For instance, did you know that the uni’

got a quite generous donation from a couple of

Finnish-American miners a few decades ago:

gold nuggets!

I’m not pulling your leg here, they

really just gave away a bloody treasure and the

whole thing is apparently still being kept in

some small vault located under the university

hill. I’m one of the few who knows this but, and

this is just between you and me, you can

actually get to those riches through the tunnel

network.

I know, I wouldn’t believe it myself if I

didn’t consider my source trustworthy! I mean,

he’s as annoying as they get but the guy has

this uncanny ability to just pop out of nowhere.

Either he can teleport or something or he has

some way of using those underground

shortcuts. There’s no way he could otherwise

get from one side of the campus to another so

quickly without anyone seeing him. I swear

that fracking trickster probably gets some

kinky kicks out of messing with normal

people’s heads. Said he’s seen the nuggets

with his own eyes! He didn’t take any of ‘em,

mind you, ‘cause it “wasn’t his thing”. Doesn’t

stop him from bragging about it...”

*

“No offence, but you have got to stop

spreading all those ridiculous rumours.

Though I have to admit that I have sometimes

wondered myself if the hill is as full of holes as

a wheel of Swiss cheese. It’s just that when I

started here, they told me that Juslenia was

supposed to be taken down over ten years ago

and every year people would say “this year

they’ll finally do it”. Well, I won’t be convinced

until I see the place going down with my own

eyes.

But anyway, the thing is that some say

we have just been waiting for the building to

sink and crumble down on its own as the

underground corridors would finally collapse.

I’m somewhat disinclined to believe it myself

but you never know, eh?”

Disclaimer: This text is meant for entertainment and

page filler purposes only. Do not take seriously.

BACCANAL IA 2012

33

By JANNE PELTOMÄKI

The Hangover Poem

All sorts of liquids are downed. Down three too many

And guts equal egg white and boisterous yolk

We disco/nnect and the fight continues inside

Stomach's an isle, a British continent of stillness

We fend off beating waves - content for a moment

In the natural balance that does not come to us naturally

Oftentimes, though, we are pushed off the cliff, the brink

But what is this? It's not an urge. It's inevitability. Sense of duty.

I am forced to climb this impossible hill this Friday, too

And sit beside similar carcasses in the morgue (for ninety minutes)

Excs m'

Lacydemon

I've read tens of books this month already

But none of them mention Lacydemon

Knowing "Not Knowing What to Do" won't suffice

"Pseudonyms of Satan in a Nutshell" don't matter

Thorough skimming of the fables' fat covers

Brief me and that's enough of them, I think

Now, Lacydemon, a character or characteristic

In this one story I search for remains elusive

in its full form which is truly paradoxical

Like a headless man still living his life

Laced letters are not to be demonized anymore;

Too many trees are butchered everyday

Emmelin

Church bells ring. Each heavy thrust denotes the beginning

To which I must return every tonight, the next this night with subtle variations.

Hmmh, something isn't right; I turn to face the window. An out-of-place happy face in it.

Begs: "Lemmein, lemmein!" "Emmelin, I'll kill you!"

But its constant screeches never let me have my say. I cannot

"Escape!" "Curses!"

Paper-cut glued face, planked, sways with each echo of the ring; my side is a sheet tonight.

I'd escape if I could and ride and stop only to look at the time. Repressed time in me

would be unraveled, saturated with one more color fuller and fuller like one I've seen.

I would become a magnifying glass lens and the world my metal frame, I'd never be seen.

"But God is dead and mankind cannot sleep!" "Salvation for the faithless!"

I can hear or I imagine things or I remember

"Paradise is in me. You'll die each hour but live eternally."

I can never progress past one when I die a true death on a nightmare forest road or

on a hospital bed or with my face kissing the freezing sprawling glass.

Iris of hell lets me inside as a red vapor, late, unless I open the hinges first.

Poems

34

BACCANAL IA 2012