BAP East Bay - June 2008 - Dad Article

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When Father

Knows BestBy Dana Young

Theyve heard it all: The Mr. Mom jokes, the quips

about being able to spend the day watching ESPN. But for

the thousands of Bay Area fathers who are primary care-

givers for their children, life is a lot more than fun and

games although there is a lot of that, too.

Stay-at-home dads are everywhere, it seems, connected

by technology to each other and supported by a Bay Area

culture that realizes flexibility is a necessity for todays busy

parents.

While it is difficult to find data on the number ofSAHDs in Northern California, Paul Banas, Founder of

GreatDad.com and stay-at-home dad, says there couldbe well over 100,000SAHDs in the Bay Areaalone, and 1 to 2 million

nationwide. While the U.S.Census reports only 159,000stay-at-home dads (see side-bar p. 24), it excludes manywho are staying at home foranother primary reason they may work from home,or take classes at night, andcan be available as the pri-mary caregiver.

This month, in honor of

Fathers Day 2008 and thegrowing number of SAHDs,

we spoke with several Bay

Area dads who stay home

about the joys and surprises of their unique fatherhood.

Matt MaioccoFive years ago, Matt Maiocco, a Lafayette-based sports-

writer who covers the San Francisco 49ers, took on a new

assignment: stay-at-home dad to daughters Janie, 5, and

Lucie, 3. During the off-season, Maiocco handles the

majority of the daytime parenting responsibilities. And,during the football season, he can conduct 95 percent of his

work via phone from his home office, which enables him to

actively participate in the raising of his two daughters.

Married for more than seven years, Maiocco and his wife,

Sarah, who works for a financial software company, saw this

as a wonderful opportunity for their family.

How do you and your wife differ on child-rearing

issues?

Im the softy; shes the one who lays down the law.

What are some of the joys?

Im around the girls a lot. I have been able to be with

them and havent missed out on their growing up.

Differences between SAHDs and SAHMs?

I had our littlest one enrolled in a one-day-a-week class

at nursery school called Mommy and Me. Of course, I

referred to it as Daddy and Me, but I was the only daddy

in the class.

Have you ever been referred to as a Mr. Mom?

I wear it like a badge of honor.

One thing you want people to know about being anat-home dad?

I think a lot of people are envious that Im able to spend

so much time with my children and have developed such a

strong relationship with them.

Top Bay Area spots to go with your kids?

I regularly take them to the Oakland Zoo thank good-

ness for the yearly pass! We can spend hours at the chil-

drens portion of the zoo. Lindsay Wildlife Museum is a

good spot just to walk around and observe the birds and

animals.

Seth TatorSeveral years before Seth Tator and his wife of six years

started a family, they looked at how they wanted to parent.

While they knew people who had invested a great deal of

time locating providers who are like family, they felt this

was the exception. If you are going to have kids, then parent

them, Tator says. For us, turning over a newborn didnt fit

that mold. In order to make their decision work, Tator, a

former banker at Wells Fargo, began attending business

school on the weekends. He studies at night and is a SAHD

during the week to his two daughters, while his wife, a direc-tor of operations, works full-time outside the home.

20 Bay Area Parent | June 2008

Its a whole new ballgame for Bay Area stay-at-home dads

Matt Maiocco of Lafayette, withdaughters Lucie, 3, and Janie, 5.


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650.655.7600 | BayAreaParent.com 21

How do you and your wife differ on child-rearing

issues?

She is much more playful, while I am a bit more

straight-laced.

What are the frustrations of being a SAHD?

I suppose the same frustrations of being a stay-at-

home-mom the complete lack of respect for the time

demands the role places on you.

Funniest thing said to you about being a SAHD?

Someone asked me how we handled the breast feed-

ing as if I was supposed to lactate!

One thing you want people to know about being a

SAHD?

Daytime childrens shows are HORRIBLE.

Do you think society is becoming more accepting

of SAHDs?

Things have changed in three years, there are less

inquisitive looks at playgrounds, and in the supermarkets,

but I am still an odd ball. What were waiting for is the

same thing that would remove the glass ceiling in corpo-

rate America a removal of unconscious stereotypes

regarding roles.


My daughters all-time favorite ever is ChildrensWonderland in Vallejo. It has five or six different playareas, a running stream for the kids to mess around in,and large grassy areas to run around on this place

really is great.

Vijay BhaskaranPleasanton resident Vijay Bhaskaran assumed the role

of full-time father twice. The first time was from June

2002 to October 2002, following the adoption of daugh-

ter Maya. In July 2007, Bhaskaran took on the primary

caregiver role once again because of his personal desire to

be a stay-home parent and share responsibility with his

wife Alna Chandnani, a manager at Cisco Systems.

Noting that the choice was not a financial one, Bhaskaran

says, I had always desired to care for my children evenbefore we had kids. A former technology marketing pro-

fessional, he currently manages the household and

attends business school in the evenings at U.C. Berkeley.

Whats the difference between you and your wife

regarding childrearing?

I take more risks and rarely follow the norm. I believe

that kids can be part of our social life, rather than having

a separate adult social life and kids social life.

What are the frustrations of being a SAHD?

Explaining to others (especially other parents) that

dads are also great in this role. Many people seem tothink there is a hidden agenda or that this is an easy

JILLHAGER

/PHOTOGRAPHY

BY

JILL

I had always desired to

care for my children evenbefore we had kids.

Vijay Bhaskaran, Pleasanton father of

Maya, 6, and Arja, 3


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role or that dads are not as good as moms in

this job.

Funniest thing said to you about being

a SAHD?

You must have made millions in the dot-

com boom.

One thing you want people to know

about being a SAHD?

Dads are terrific role models for kids even

though most will not follow conventional wis-

dom followed by moms over generations.


We love the Monterey Bay Aquarium, the

Oakland Zoo and Santa Cruz beaches.

Brian CharetteFor Brian Charette and wife Jennifer of

Oaklands Rockridge District, stepping into

the role of primary caregiver was an easy deci-

sion and one he looked forward to with great

excitement. It was a simple matter of eco-

nomics, he says. We decided early on in our

marriage that it was important to us that we

handle primary caregiver duties for our chil-

dren ourselves. And, we always said that who-

ever was making more money would keep

their job and the other would stay home.When their son Hudson, now 1, was born, it

made much more sense for me to quit my job

at Western Union and become a SAHD,

Charette says.

How do you and your wife differ on

child-rearing issues?

We strive to create consistency between

the two of us so that our son knows that the

rules dont change regardless of which parent

hes dealing with. This has worked out well

for us so far, but Im sure there are challenges

ahead now that weve entered toddlerhood.

What are the frustrations of being a

SAHD?Feeling overwhelmed at times and feeling

sometimes like I have no idea what Im doing.


fathers day

Dads OnlineWe all know Dads like to play

on the Internet, and it has been a fertile

breeding ground for Web sites and blogs

dedicated to the adventures of stay-at-

home dads. Most provide information,

resources, connections and community to

the growing number of SAHDs in the Bay

Area. And more than a few provide some

excellent (and often comedic) insight from

the get-go. Here are some of our favorites:

GreatDad (greatdad.com) Because Dads

dont always think like Moms. A leading

source of experience, recommendations,

inspiration and advice for dads delivered

from the male perspective. Founded by Bay

Area Parentcolumnist Paul Banas.

Dad Labs (dadlabs.com) Taking back

paternity. An edgy, fun and informative

dad-focused Internet show and Web site that

features comedic and informative videos.

At-Home Dad (athomedad.com) Men

who change diapers change the world.

SAHD-specific newsletter and clearinghouse

that provide resources, information, con-

nections, community and networking for

stay-at-home dads.

Rebel Dad (rebeldad.com) The stay-at-

home dad revolution online. An insightfuland informative weblog by a former SAHD.

Doodaddy (Doodaddy.net) A San

Francisco Stay-At-Home Dad Getting the

Hang of Things. Bay Area Parentcolumnist

Graham Charles chronicles life as a stay-at-

home-dad to 2-year-old Fern.

East Bay Dads (eastbaydads.com) A com-

munity for dads in the East Bay, EBD is an

energetic group of fathers with infants, tod-

dlers, preschoolers and school-aged children.

Mr. Dad (mrdad.com) A Web site from

parenting expert and Oakland residentArmin Brott, founder of MrDad.com.

Dana Young

Brian Charette and son Hudson, 1, ofOakland.

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650.655.7600 | BayAreaParent.com 23


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I definitely have gained a tremendous amount of respect for

stay-at-home mothers who make it all work. Being a SAHD is

ten times harder than the corporate job I had at Western

Union, at least then I had two breaks and an hour lunch

every day.

Funniest thing said to you about being a SAHD?

One of my single guy friends asked me How awesome is

it to lie around in your underwear all day drinking beer and

watching ESPN? He was completely serious.

Most annoying thing someone has said?

A lady at the grocery store said that it was nice that I took a

day off during the week to be with my son. When I explained

to her that I was a SAHD, she shook her head and told me that

children should be with their mothers and walked away.

One thing you want people to know about being a

SAHD?

If any prospective fathers out there have the chance to

stay home even part time with their young children, I strong-

ly urge them to take the opportunity. It will be some of the

best-spent time of their lives.


I am part of a dads group called East Bay Dads. We meet

every Monday at a different park in the East Bay. Studio

Grow is a fantastic indoor play space with multiple-themed

rooms containing an art studio, climbing opportunities, para-

chute play, singing, storytime and much more. On rainy days

hit IKEA.

Dana Young is a freelance writer living in Oakland.


fathers day

66.3 million Estimated number of fathers across

the nation today. (U.S. Census Bureau)

26.4 million Number of fathers who are part of

married-couple families with their own children under

the age of 18. (U.S. Census Bureau)

159,000 Estimated number of stay-at-home dads in

2006 (U.S. Census 2007). This is up 16,000 from 2005

(143,000 at-home dads, U.S. Census 2006). These married

fathers with children younger than 15 have remained out

of the labor force for more than one year and care prima-

rily for the family while their wives work outside the

home. According to the data:

283,000 children cared for in U.S. by SAHDs

60% had two or more children

40% had an annual family income of $50,000 or more

35% had children younger than three years of age liv-

ing with them

37% Number of men in the workforce who would

consider stay-at-home fatherhood (careerbuilder.com)

By the Numbers

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BAP East Bay - June 2008 - Dad Article