Upload
khoi
View
42
Download
0
Embed Size (px)
DESCRIPTION
Being the Right Person. Rev. Phillip Schanker October 15, 2011. Family Breakdown. Is America’s Great Moral and Social Crisis. From 1970 to 2000: Rate of marriage declined by one third Divorce rate has doubled Married couples with children declined by one third - PowerPoint PPT Presentation
Citation preview
1
Rev. Phillip SchankerOctober 15, 2011
3
Family BreakdownIs America’s Great Moral and Social
CrisisFrom 1970 to 2000:• Rate of marriage declined by one third• Divorce rate has doubled• Married couples with children declined by one third• Out-of-wedlock births have tripled• Cohabitation (couples living together without
marriage) has increased 1000 %Source: U. S. Bureau of the Census
Current Population Reports, 1970-2000
4
Family BreakdownDamages the Individual
Divorce is the #1 cause of childhood depression.National Institute of Child Health & Human Development
Family breakdown is the #1 cause of suicide by young men.
1994 Duke University study
Children of divorce are 5 times more likely to be suspended from school; 3 times as likely to need psychological counseling; twice as likely to repeat a grade; are absent from school more, late to school more often, and show more health problems.
Dr. Gene Brody “Study of Competence of Children & Families”
5
Family BreakdownDamages the Individual
• 75% of all youth in substance-abuse programs• 63% of all youth suicides
• 75% of all youth in correctional institutions• 70% of all teen pregnancies
Centers for Disease Control / US Bureau of Justice
VICIOUS CYCLE 85% of teen fathers abandon their child and its mother.
Children Raised in Single Parent Homes Account For:
6
The United States leads the industrialized world in the:
• percentage of single-parent homes (23%) • abortion rate (22.9 / 1,000 women aged 15-
44),• sexually transmitted diseases• teenage birth rate • use of illegal drugs by students (44.9 % in ‘98)• size of the prison population (327 / 100,000)..
Source: "Lost in America" by Tom Clegg and Warren Bird
Family Breakdown
7
What kind of person am I?
Who am I ?
8
My Ideal Mate
• Write an honest list of traits you look for in your ideal mate…
9
My Ideal Mate “Young singles looking for a romantic partner are typically attracted to external traits. Physical attractiveness, economic potential and social status are usually high on the list. These are not, however, the qualities that they are likely to value in their spouses after they marry. Happily married couples, when they evaluate each other, tend to emphasize inner qualities: caring, honesty, trust, fidelity, commitment, and self-sacrifice for the sake of the marriage. They value communication skills, companionship, and humor.”
Thomas and Judy Lickona, Sex, Love and You
10
My Ideal Mate
• Write an honest list of traits you look for in your ideal mate…
• Does your list……look like you?
11
Does This Work… ?
Classified Ad:
“SWM, unhappy, dull, unsociable and self-absorbed couch potato ISO…
“SWF, interesting, warm, spiritual and outgoing with a passion for life.”
12
13
14
My Ideal Mate
“You should concentrate on perfecting yourself first. Then you can begin to think of attaining an ideal partner.”
Rev. Moon
Goal: Become the PersonI Want My Mate to Be
“To be loved, be lovable.” Ovid
“No matter how good your partner is, you will not be able to see his or her value without you yourself being the best.”
Father
16
True Love Begins…
Not by finding the right person, but by…Being the right person.
17
CLasting Love
hemistry ?
ompatibility ?
onvenience ?
HARACTEROMMITMENTOMMUNICATIONOMPANIONSHIP
John R Williams
Questionable Idea:My Mate Will Make Me Whole
What Does It Mean to Bethe Best Person I Can Be?
Taking responsibility: • To become as healthy and mature as
possible
• To be a blessing to my mate
Paradox: One Plus One = One
Marital oneness builds on personal maturity
1. Unity of Mind & Body (individual perfection)
2. Harmony of Man & Woman
My ImmaturityBurdens My Mate
Not fair to depend on my spouse to make up for my shortcomings
• Self-centeredness • Lack of self-discipline• Lack of self-respect• Unhappiness
Key to Maturity: Attitude of Responsibility
• External responsibility (excellence)
• Internal responsibility (excellence)
John R Williams
Questionable Idea: Marriage Is Supposed to Make Me Happy
Marriage Is an Opportunity to Be Happy
• “Marriage does not make us happy—it makes us married. We make ourselves happy if we choose to.”
Frank Pittman
• We tend to be as happy in marriage as is our habit…
• “The strongest characteristic of a marriageable person is the habit of happiness.”
Dr. Mary G. Landis
Do I Have the Habit of Happiness?
1. Do I view difficulties as challengingor discouraging?
2. Can I be happy even when things don’t go my way?
3. Do I usually count my blessings or what’s missing?
4. Do I often compare my situation to others?
5. Is my attitude shaped by what happens around me?
Taking Responsibilityfor My Feelings
1. We decide how positive we will be
• Whether glass is “half-empty” or “half-full”
2. No one can make us joyful or angry
• We choose our attitude regardless of situation
3. A negative or positive outlook is a habit
Cultivate positive mental habits- “weed garden”
Marital Satisfaction Depends on Adapting My Attitude
Happy couples are able to accept and adjust to what is outside their control
• Focus on the positive
• Avoid blame, self-pity and resentment
Internally Responsible Attitude
• “I am committed to growing my heart and maturing my character to its full potential.”
• “I want to learn to love every kind of person.”
• “I want to take on difficulties to relieve others’ burdens and make a new future.”
• “I want to share God’s responsibility.”
29
Becoming My Best Self1. Self-identity
- self-knowledge / awareness- self-worth
2. Maturity- integrity- conscience- self-discipline
3. Personal Development- interests, hobbies, etc.- life goals, study, career
4. Purity- Sexual abstinence- Not a “line,” but a lifestyle & attitude of heart
5. Sociability, Capacity to Love
Spiritual Maturity Family & Relationships
Personal Maturity precedes intimate relationships
31
First Purpose Perfection of Individuality
God
Body
Character, Conscience, Integrity, Maturity
Perfected Person
Mind Words ActionsTrue
LoveMatthew 5:48
(be fruitful)
The Purpose of Creation
32
Second Purpose Perfection of the Family
Creating a Family of True Love
God
TrueWoman
Children
TrueMan
True
Love
(multiply)
The Purpose of Creation
True Parent
s
Malachi 2:15
33
NationBasic Unit of harmonious society, strong nation, peaceful World
Society
God
Child
TrueWoman
TrueMan
The Purpose of Creation
True Parent
s
34
Third Purpose Perfection of Dominion
Loving Dominion over natural world
God
AllThings
Dominionof Love
TruePerson
True
Love
Stewardship
(dominion)
The Purpose of Creation
35
Perfection of dominionThird Purpose
The Purpose of Creation
36
We grow through 4 Realms of Heart
Children’s Love
Brother/sister Love
ConjugalLove
Parental Love
The Family: The School of Love
© IEF 37
38
© IEF 40