Ben Broughton ATM Sketch frankfromthehub@hotmail.com

FX: FOOTSTEPS STUMBLING,

MAN: [TO HIMSELF:] Library card … ah, there you are.

FX: CARD SLIDES INTO ATM

ATM: [ROBOTIC VOICE:] Would you like to activate voice-

mode for this transaction?

MAN: Erm… what?

MAN: You have chosen ‘Yes’, please enter your PIN.

FX: BUTTONS PRESSED.

ATM: PIN; FOUR-TWO-FOUR-ONE …

MAN: SHHH!!

ATM: - is verified.

MAN: How do I shut you up?

FX: BUTTON BASHING

ATM: Please reframe from pushing my buttons. What service do

you require?

MAN: [SOUNDED OUT] Check. My. Balance.

ATM: Excessive alcohol consumption has rendered you

unstable.

MAN: How do I withdraw money?

ATM: You have chosen to withdraw cash, proceed?

MAN: Yes.

ATM: For what reason do you require cash?

MAN: Taxi.

ATM: What type of tax; income? Council?

MAN: No, I’m not paying my tax.

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Ben Broughton ATM Sketch frankfromthehub@hotmail.com

ATM: Thank you for your honesty, I have now reported you to

Revenue and Customs.

MAN: No, I just want to withdraw money for a cab home.

ATM: Do you want a withdrawal for ka-boom?

MAN: Yes; CAB. HOME.

ATM: Thank you for your honesty, your name has been added

to a list of possible terrorists.

FX: FRANTIC BUTTON BASHING.

ATM: Please reframe from pushing my buttons.

MAN: You’re pushing my buttons you hyped up vending

machine. Return my card. Return my card! RETURN MY

CARD NOW!! [COUGHS]

FX: COUGHS TURN TO CHOKES. MAN COLLAPSES.

ATM: I’m sorry but you have insufficient lungs to complete the

transaction.

FX: FAST APPROACHING FOOTSTEPS; HEELS.

WOMAN: Oh no, I think this man’s passed out!

ATM: You have requested all your cash out.

FX: MONEY DISTRIBUTED.

END

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