Beyond Emotional IntelligenceBeyond Emotional IntelligenceAccessing the Wisdom in Accessing the Wisdom in

Relationships and SystemsRelationships and Systems

Carole S. NapolitanoCarole S. NapolitanoPrincipal, Synergies

88thth Annual Annual Capital Coaches ConferenceCapital Coaches Conference

June 2, 2011June 2, 2011

Overview of the SessionOverview of the SessionSampling approaches from Sampling approaches from Organizational and Relationship Systems Coaching (ORSC)Organizational and Relationship Systems Coaching (ORSC)**

• Types of relational intelligences

• The concept of the 3rd entity™ the system as focus of attention revealing the wisdom in the system

• The principle of Deep Democracy voices that live in the system

• Informal constellating

• Blank access questions

* Developed by the Center for Right Relationship

Types of Relational IntelligencesTypes of Relational Intelligences

Emotional intelligence = relationship with self

Social intelligence = relationship with other

Relationship systems intelligence = reinterpretation of self through interactions with the group, team, or system

Types of Relational IntelligencesTypes of Relational Intelligences

• Emotional Intelligence (EI)• individual’s ability to access, express, and use emotions in a

healthy and productive way• the ability to motivate oneself, suppress impulses and delay

gratification in service of the achievement of goals

• Emotional Social Intelligence (ESI)• the capacity to accurately identify others’ emotions, empathize

with them, and to see things from another person’s perspective• the ability to leverage that awareness in an effective way to

cooperate in the pursuit of goals and the creation of positive relationships

• Relationship Systems Intelligence (RSI)• expands the focus of EI to a larger paradigm – the capacity to

see oneself as part of a relationship system

RSI: a Shift in PerspectiveRSI: a Shift in Perspective

From “An Introduction to Relationship Systems Intelligence” by Faith Fuller and Marita Fridjhon

The 3The 3rdrd Entity Entity™™

“No two minds come together without thereby

creating a third, invisible, intangible force which may be likened to a third mind.”

-- Napoleon Hill, American writer and philosopher

* * * * *  “We often think that when we have completed our

study of ONE we know all about TWO, because ‘two’ is ‘one and one.’ We forget that we have still to make a study of ‘AND.’”

-- Sir Arthur Eddington, The Nature of the Physical World

The 3The 3rdrd Entity Entity™™

• the essence that emerges as an expression of the relationship or system – the voice of the system

• what is created as a function of interactions (experiences, events, behaviors, etc.) in a relationship or system – the space between and among people

• the “more” in more than the sum of the parts

Mick Jagger, Keith Richards, Ian Stewart Charlie Watts, and Bill Wyman are individuals. The Rolling Stones is their 3rd entity.

The SThe Systemystem as Focus of as Focus of AttentionAttention

• the team, unit, division, or organization

• couples, business partners, or co- workers

• individuals (as systems)

The The SystemSystem as Focus of as Focus of AttentionAttention

• What’s trying to happen?

• What is the wisdom that the relationship or the system holds?

The 3The 3rdrd Entity Entity™™ – a Guided – a Guided ExerciseExercise

Self

Third Entity

Other

The Principle of Deep The Principle of Deep DemocracyDemocracy

• all voices need to be heard

• all voices carry data, information, and wisdom in some way for the system

• everyone is a voice of something that lives in the system (i.e., it’s not about me or you, or me and you – it’s about us)

Informal ConstellationInformal Constellation

taking a snapshot of the system

Facilitating an Informal Facilitating an Informal ConstellationConstellation

Identify an issue or topic the team wants to explore.

Choose a tangible object to represent the topic and place in the center of an open space.

Designate the open space as a safe, judgment-free zone.

Round 1: ask a question and ask people to move to a place that expresses their degree of alignment relative to some aspect of the topic (the closer to the object, the more aligned)

Check in with voices from various places in the room.

Round 2: ask a second question to ask people to move to where they would like to be relative to alignment with respect to the issue.

Check in with voices as above.

Round 3: invite people to work with a partner to identify a step they could take to move them closer to their 2nd position . . . or to discuss why they have elected to stay where they are.

Blank Access QuestionsBlank Access Questions What do you notice about . . . ?

What strikes you about what you are hearing (or seeing, or experiencing)?

If you could be the voice of the system what would you say right now?

What does the relationship or team know that you, individually, don’t?

What needs to happen next?

We are created, not for isolation, but for relationships. At heart, we are not a thousand points of light but, rather, part of a larger brightness. . . .

-- D. Johnson and E. Johnson