About Us:Biblical Counseling Center exists to help churches care for people. Through counseling, training, and resources, we walk alongside churches as they seek to bring hope and help to the hurting. We have offices in the Chicago area and counsel online through video counseling around the world. You can find out more about our ministry at biblicalcounselingcenter.org.

Dr. Donna Hart joined BCC in 2015 after spending 15 years overseeing multiple ministries including counseling in a church in the Chicago area. She holds an M. Div from Trinity Evangelical Divinity School and a Ph.D from Trinity Seminary in biblical counseling. She is an author, speaker, and blogs regularly.

Brandon Lowery joined BCC in 2012 after graduation from Wheaton Graduate School with a degree in counseling. For the past five years, he has served as an associate pastor at his church in the Chicago area. Brandon is married and has three elementary aged children. He frequently speaks on biblical counseling topics and helps missions organizations assess their candidates.

Dr. Tim Allchin joined BCC in 2012 and was named Executive Director in 2015. He completed his Doctor of Ministry with an emphasis in Biblical Counseling in 2017 and trains regularly in churches on key counseling topics. He oversees a staff of 10 counselors and lives in Chicago with his wife and two teenage sons.

Conquering Conflict – Dr. Donna Hart

Introduction: When it comes to conflict, we have to recognize the spiritual battle that is raging in our hearts. More than just simply finding a way to get what we want or a way to find temporary peace, God uses conflicts to both reveal and shape our hearts.

The importance of understanding “Made in God’s Image.”

o We learn we are made for relationship with God and others

o When we are not unified and in a conflict we feel weak and become self-absorbed.

In conflict our hearts are usually tempted in one of three ways.

#1 - The First Temptation: N_________ M____________

When do we want to get our needs met and don’t turn to the Word of God for answers?

#2 - The Second Temptation: T__________________ G_____________.

We test God every time we do not trust Him.

The question becomes, when are you attempting to secure your own survival rather than trust God?

#3 - The Third Temptation: W_______________.

This third temptation is for power and position.

The question becomes when are we most prone to seek the outward trappings of success rather than securing the inner authority that comes from worshipping God?

Resource # 1

Redeeming Conflict –Brandon Lowery

Conflicts are inevitable; ______________ them!

o People in general (Eccl. 7:20; Isa. 53:6; Rom. 3:9, 23)

o Followers of Jesus (1 John 1:8, 10; 1 Tim 1:15)

o Adam and Eve (Genesis 3)

o Jesus Christ is the only hope (Gen. 3:15; Rom. 16:20; Gal. 4:4; Matt. 22:37-40)

Conflicts are sinful; ______________ them!

o Respond actively.

o Respond diligently.

o Respond immediately.

Jesus issues this call:

When we have offended someone (Matt. 5:23-26) When someone has offended us (Matt. 18:15-16)

The apostles echoed the same active-diligent-immediate mandate:

“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” (Rom. 12:18) “Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace. . . .” (Rom.14:19) “Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace. . . .” (2 Tim.

2:22) “Make every effort to live in peace with all men. . . .” (Heb. 12:14)

Conflicts are opportunities; ____________ them!

o Opportunities to know God in new and fresh ways.

o Opportunities to become more like Jesus.

o Opportunities to love and minister to others.

Resource #2 – Conflict Resolution Process and Taking Effective Timeouts

Resource #3 – 5 Rules of Biblical Communication

Making a P.L.A.N. to Resolve Conflict – Dr. Tim Allchin

P________ them p___________Matthew 18:15: "If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you

L___________ to the other personMatthew 18:15b "If he listens to you, you have won your brother over."

A___________ for h_______.Matthew 18:16 “ But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you.

N_________ s_______ - Some God-honoring Ways to Avoid Conflict *

a. Seek to know the other person well, appreciate him/her and understand his/her perspective (1 Peter 3:7).

b. Gather plenty of data before speaking (Proverbs 18:13, 17).

c. Pray, study and think about the issue before speaking, if possible (Proverbs 15:28).

d. Demonstrate and/or communicate your love and care at the time of disagreement (Romans 12:9-10).

e. Listen more than you speak, but do speak.

f. In matters of sin, approach the person in love (Ephesians 4:15).

g. In matters of preference, prefer others when possible (Romans 12:10).

h. In matters of wisdom and conscience, suggest searching the Scriptures and getting godly counsel (Proverbs 11:14; 2 Timothy 2:15).

i. Refuse to sin in your communication (Proverbs 8:6-8).

j. Be more interested in God’s glory and the other’s good, rather than having your own way, or being right (Joshua 22:5; Romans 15:2).

k. Give a gentle and caring answer to their angry words (Proverbs 15:1).

*(Credit Dr. Stuart Scott for this list)

Conclusion: Choose Peace if PossibleRomans 12:18 - If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. (ESV)