Biography Book 2

7/31/2019 Biography Book 2

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The content is channeled through My She, also known as Katarina Chernozubov-Digman.It is all true, no facts are invented and I approve this book.

A true, authorized biography of My Silver Daydream

A LITTLE HORSE THAT NEVER GAVE UP


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2A Little Horse that Never Gave Up

A Little Horse That Never Give Up

Hawaii - 3

The Move to Oregon - 6

The Unicorn Ranch - 8

They Are Back! 9

I Tried My Best but It Was Not Enough - 10

Dont Fence Me In - 13

My beginning show carrier ...a disaster - 17

Me as a Therapist?!? - 19

On the Road to Achieve the Big Goal - 23

Transition - 27

On the Top - 31

Happily Ever After? - 35

Dark Times - 37

Epilogue - 41


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Chapter 1

Hawaii

When I asked my mother about how I was born,

the following is what I was told. I think most of itis true:

It was a starry night in Hawaii. The stars werevery brilliant and sparkly in a deep blue sky. Theair smelled of plumeria and other exotic owers.

We felt as if it were Christmas. Our dream wasabout to come true.

One star started moving closer and closer. Was ita ying star? When it came closer, we saw that itwas an airplane, an airplane specially-equipped

for horse transport. It landed and the doors openedwide.

Horses started unloading one by one down the ramp.

Six-year-old Marusia, her mother, Katarina, and

her godmother, Hilary, were very excited. Theywere expecting a Arabian mare their dream

horse had arrived!

The mare, however, had a different opinion. Shedecided not to come out of the plane. She did

not want to meet us or even to be in Hawaii. Shewanted to have control over her own life. (Shealways had). She was also very determined. She

rarely, if ever, gave in or gave up.

Time went by. The airport crew unloaded every-thing and left. It was late. The horse handler for

the transport, along with Marusia, Hilary and

Katarina, were still trying to unload the mare.

Maybe if we called her Stardust she will likethe name and decide we are OK and then comewith us, declared Marusia. After all, she came

like a star from the sky. She was white and cov-ered with small specks, like stars.

Nothing seemed to work. Even forever-optimistic

Hilary (nicknamed Sunshine for her sunnyoutlook) became less optimistic. Finally, Star-dust decided to cooperate and come out. After all,

cooperating was far better than standing in thetransports stall. She loaded into the trailer andwas driven to the

Unicorn Meadows Ranch by a victorious Sun-shine.

Stardust had a difcult time adjusting to the tropi-cal jungle. She was used to open space and dry

stretches of land. Now, she was surrounded bymountains, trees and all kinds of strange vegeta-

tion. It rained often.

One day she felt very afraid. She did not know why.

Have you ever felt the urge to act a certain waywithout knowing why?

She felt she had to run. She made a great effort

and jumped the fence of her paddock and took offfor the mountains. It was scary to be among the


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trees, shrubs and plants blocking her way but shehad to run. At same time, the radio announced a

tidal wave alert: a tsunami. Stardust knew aboutthe tsunami before the humans did (she couldFEEL it)! It took a whole day to nd Stardust and

bring her home, only when the danger of tsunamihad passed.

Stardust started to get used to the place but beganfeeling restless again. She just felt she had to nd

somebody, but did not know who. She DID meetthe right being but only after escaping again andfollowing the scent. She found herself in the next

door ranch in front of a beautiful black stallion.

When she went home she knew that she had a

very precious gift from him: a beautiful baby to beborn. Stardust often felt restless. She just couldnot help herself. She was too much of a free spirit.

Are you sometimes that way?

One day Stardust took off running in the pasture

and again could not stop herself. This time theconsequences were very bad. She hit a piece ofold equipment, hidden from view by tall sugar

cane, and cut her leg badly. She was losing a lot ofblood.

Luckily Kelly, Katarinas friend and secretarycame by to visit Stardust. When she realized whatwas happening, Kelly took off her shirt and tied it

around Stardusts leg to stop the bleeding. It waslucky for me that Kelly had good training in rstaid in the military.

The veterinarian was called. He was not sure ifStar would make it. Even if Stardust survived, the

vet did not think the baby would survive because

of all the medicines he had to give to Stardust.

Stardust lived. Also, she very much wanted to

have her baby and put her mind to it.

It was Mothers Day, May 5th, and Katarina was

invited to go out for lunch, but she was afraid toleave the barn because it looked as if the babycould be born at any time. But she went, not want-

ing to disappoint anybody. Just as soon as they gotto the restaurant, Katarina received an emergencycall; Stardusts baby is being born. A Mothers

Day gift! They rushed back to the ranch in time towelcome the baby. That baby was...ME.

Little Snow, the white uffy mutt, was so jealous

that he decided to run awayonly to show upon the house doorsteps, 25 miles away, ve dayslater.

So, my life started out very eventfully. Sinceeverybody wanted the baby to live and even day-

dreamed about it, I was called Daydream. When Iwas older and went to horse shows my name waseven fancier: My Silver Daydream.

What stories have you heard about your birth?


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Because of all the drugs my mother had taken, at

rst I was sleepy and not very responsive. With each

day, I became a more and more happy, active colt. I

am told I did not like the vet; when I would see him

I would gallop towards him, pretending to charge.

They tell me I likedto play tag with LittleSnow, the family dog.He was an Hawaiian

wild dog by breed.The two of us becamefriends. Snow got over

his jealousy and intro-duced me to splashingin the ocean, hiding in

sugar cane, exploring

Olomana Mountain andmany other fun things.

Have you had a friend like Snow? What did youdo together?

At that time I acquired a nickname, Grasshopper,because I would jump over any fence, just be-cause I felt like it. Just because I could.

Because of medicines my mother was on before Iwas born, I had a difculty: food would get stuck

behind my teeth in a so-called pocket. As a re-sult, I liked to play with water in order to wash mymouth. I liked to make water bubbles or milk bub-

bles (after nursing) as kids do with bubble gum. I

still like to do that. Some made fun of me becauseof it. They would say, he is not a daydream, he isa nightmare, when I involuntarily slobbered.

Have you ever experienced unfair teasing?

At rst, I was brown and, as many colts do, I

changed colors (nature chooses a color for thebaby which would provide the best camouage)When I grew up I was white with little tiny specs,

like stars, as my mother had.

But that was later. For my rst two years I looked

as if nobody took time to clean me up or brush me.They tell me I was difcult to groom. I was dirty

brown. I often had, and still do sometimes, greenspots from my saliva mixed with grass all over my

body. However, I remember, I think, a feeling thatI was loved very much despite how I looked.

Have you ever wished that you looked differently?

At age two important things happened. A saddlewas put on me (I sort of remember that). WhenKatarina climbed on top of me I did not care. She

was often on top of my mother and I nursed frommy mom next to Katarinas leg and smelled hersmell, as well as my mothers. I spread my legs to

keep balance. It took a few minutes to learn howto walk with a human on me. I kind of liked it; Ifelt grown up and responsible and all warm insidefrom the closeness to my important human.

Then there was the decision to move to Oregon. Iunderstood that there were many changes happen-

ing. I liked the excitement but not the disappear-ance of some of my herd mates or the changes inroutines. Also, my humans paid less attention to

me. They would disappear for a few days and thatmade me feel agitated, scared and confused.

Have you had to move away with your family andfelt that way?


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Chapter 2

The Move to Oregon

I do not remember much about Hawaii, although I

still dream about splashing in the ocean and a lot

of trees and owers. Most other things I am not

sur whether I actually remember of if I were just

told about them. However, I do remember vividly

the day when the Big She (also known as Katari-

na) and the Little She (named Marusia) put me in

the big trailer with my younger sister Espie, wise

Puma, Lady, Silky and Shadow. I do not know

how I knew, but it was then that I realized that itwas time to grow up and taking care of the ladies.

I was the man in charge. My story begins from

that moment on.

When do your memories start?

It was very scary and noisy. I tried to be brave. I

walked rst up the ramp into the barn. The ramp

seemed to be high off the ground. We were put

into small stalls and it got even scarier when the

stable began shaking, rolling as if there were an

earthquake. The humans said that the airplane was

just taking off. That lasted forever, it seemed. I

saw that even Puma was shaking. She is such a

condent mature lady. It was bumpy and scary for

what seemed to be a very long time.

Then, there was a huge bump and all was settled

and as it should be. Finally, I could breathe. The

stall doors opened. The light came in along with

some very cold air. A miracle!!! My humans were

there calling my name. It still was cold, colder

than ever in Hawaii, but I felt such relief that I

did not care. They loaded us in a trailer again.

We traveled surrounded by many, many lights,

through a place they called San Francisco.


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Then I smelled trees and grass, dust, and many

smells I did not recognize. We were so tired that

everybody dozed off, including me.

I woke up from the cold. There was some white

stuff on the ground. The two men driving us and

my humans were shouting, We just passed the

state line, we are in Oregon! They seemed very

happy. My humans seemed sleepy and cold too.

The white stuff drifted into the trailer and even

landed on my nose. Little She was also excited.

She asked for us to stop so she could scoop up

some of the white stuff. She seemed very sur-prised and declared, Snow is wet not like

snow in the department stores in Hawaii. Little

She seemed very disappointed; her rst disap-

pointment in Oregon.

Have you ever felt so surprised about something

that you expected to be very different?


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Chapter 3

Unicorn Ranch

Finally, we arrived. We got out of the trailer. Itwas different from anything I knew: lots of grass,

dust, rolling hills, and tall trees here and there.

Little She exclaimed, We are like pioneers, we

will make this place into a most beautiful ranch!

It sounded as if she were giving a pep talk.

I realized that the big barn had many horses that

seemed locked in and depressed; there were very

few whinnies, greetings and no curiosity shown

from the. It became scary. We were stuck in en-

closed stalls the likes of which I had never seen.

The humans did not look friendly to us. We were

given hay. It tasted different from what we were

used to. My humans disappeared after saying,

See you soon! Love you all!

I did not know what soon meant. We all felt

abandoned. Our humans disappeared and the only

comfort was to know, through smell, that our herd

buddies were close by. Life became a nightmare.

In desperation, I bit on the door edge and thoughtthat maybe I could free myself by destroying

the door. I found that chewing wood is calming

for me; some humans bite their ngernails when

stressed for the same reason.

The humans who brought food were cold and

unfriendly. We felt so abandoned, unloved, and

depressed!

Have you ever felt that way?

What will become of us? IS this the end? I knew

I did not want to live this way and could not see

how to change things. I also was angry. I could

not gure out what I did wrong to be abandoned.

Why were we all abandoned? They, our humans,

did not care!

I got a terrible stomachache called colic (it can

be deadly for a horse) and was sure that I wouldbe dead soon.


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Chapter 4

They Are Back!

I almost gave up but Big She often reminded

Little She to nevergive up. I remembered that

and there was a tiny voice inside of me that said,

Never give up. That voice stayed with me, like

a small, ickering candle in a big, dark room.

Have you ever felt that there is no hope but still

tried to nd a solution?

I heard the familiar voices, Guys, we are back.

We are nally moved to Oregon! There they were.

They looked happy, but tired and stressed. I was

overjoyed and so were the others in the herd. We

all nickered and called to them. We were let out of

the stalls. We kicked, spun, reared, and buck. There

was also Little Snow, my friend the dog, Mali Roy

the barn cat, Murka, the house cat, Penny, the littlered hen and I spotted Mama Duck Thunder. Niki,

the canary, was chirping in his cage. There was

hope that life here perhaps will be okay.


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Chapter 5

I Tried My Very Best but

It Was Not Enough

Everybody seemed to

adjust, more or less, tothe move. My friend

the orange cat, Mali

Roy, bemoaned the

absence of banana rats

that were nice, rather

small but plump.

However, he accepted

that there were small

Oregon mice for him to

hunt. Just a bit morework, he would say. Murka, the house cat, who

did not approve of Little she being born seven

years before, certainly did not approve that the

house in Hawaii was not her house any more. But

she loved Big She and put up with the change.

Penny, the little hen, was busy looking for a rooster

and until he showed up made a nest about my stall

in the loft.

Mama Duck Thunder was recuperating fast from

her bullet injury and decided that she needed to

learn to y, even if Moskowi ducks do not y. She

sounded like a 747 jet ying low, just missing us.

Little Snow had a harder time but would not admit

it. He often ended up at the vet, having encounterswith porcupines and looked like a pincushion. He

also met the skunks. A mama deer chased him.

Somehow, he broke a portion of his tail so the

vet had to take the tip off of his tail. However,

he acted as if he were in control, as usual, and he

faithfully guarded Big She. He as also looking for

a girlfriend. It is time to start a family, he told

me. He did just that with a small white neighbor-

hood beauty.

Niki the canary, was astounded by free wildcanaries who stopped to say hello on their way to

Mexico. He had never realized there could be so

much freedom.

How do you react when there are big changes in

your life? When many things are new and different?

The herb observed its surroundings, tasting then

new kind of grass, getting used to open space

without being hindered by trees, the rolling hills,

and the nearby dense woods.

Puma, our wise MolokaiI pony, was a big help.

So was Lady Bug who was on the Mainland

before when she was very young. Esperanza was

just a kid, a young lly, and watched everything

with big eyes. I tried to be a good big brother to

her. Little did I know how she would betray me!

I was trying to be very brave and hoped that Big

She and Little She would notice.

First, I was not used to all the noise and com-motion that Big She started. She is always up to

something but this time it really was something!!

She kicked out The Mean People With The

Whips. I was sorry that they took the poor horses

with them; I hoped Big She would help them. But

she already was doing so many things that she

probably simply could not.


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Big She was having people take down the walls

and make windows in the stalls, then paint every-

thing fresh and white. The roof was being redone,

paddocks made, trees planted, and so on. I was

tired just looking at everything being done.

But I saw the need and didnt want to live in a place

I as ashamed of. In Hawaii we had a ranch with alot of owers, trees, a stream and beautiful moun-

tains behind us. Here, it was a dusty barren place.

Little She was disappointed that there were no

kids riding horses in our small town not at all

like in Hawaii. She felt lonely. But, in a way, it

was good because she spent a lot of time with me.

Have you ever felt that you have to start from the

beginning?

Since Big Shes man was not in Oregon (he still

was teaching in Hawaii), it was obvious that I

needed to be him, so to speak. So, I took the job of

being the man of the house and Unicorn Ranch

very seriously. If I saw anybody on horseback

coming toward the ranch, I charged. If Big She or

Little She were riding me, I charged big time ready

to ght to the death! For some reason however,

Big she did not like or appreciate my actions.

Do you understand why?

Then, I took to spooking and taking off when I

saw anything white, such as a bucket. It could be

a terrible white creature that might attack us. I

wanted Big She to be aware.

Then one glorious day, I thought I would be a

hero: I observed a big long green thing slither-

ing along the ground. A snake? Something with

water coming out of one end... I looked at it andsomething inside me told me it was high danger,

knowledge I suppose I inherited from my mother.

She told me, You have to ght danger till death!

I had a precious cargo on my back Little She. I

reared; I stamped the thing and reared again. The

thing moved faster and the liquid sprayed in all

directions. I remembered Little She and decided

that, rather than proving I am a big man, I would

take her to safety. I took off faster than I ever had

in my life. We ew!

Our ranch hand took of after me in the truck. I

guessed he was running away too. His fear gave

me the strength to go even faster.

Finally, I had to stop. Everybody seemed scared.

Little She was crying, pretending she was not.

Nobody even said thank you to me. People can

be so ungrateful!

Have you ever been in a similar situation?

Then a very terrible, awful thing happened. At

the same time, a very, very great thing also took

place. They washed and washed me. They braided

my mane and begged me not to slobber on my

clean fur. As if I could help myself! Little She got

all dressed up in white britches and black coat. We

were, I thought, a beautiful couple. Big She was

telling her and me what to do and not to do (as if I

did not know what to do!).


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They put me in a stall on wheels they called a

trailer. We drove awhile and came to a place

called the fairgrounds. There were so many

people! So many horses! Even though wouldnt

admit it, I got scared and on edge. They unloaded

me. Big She began taking off my shipping boots,

when a trailer started backing up right towards

me. I was sure he would hit me in the face, so I

backed away. I also kicked but dont know why.

Reex I guess. I hit Big She in the face. Every-

body stopped. The driver who had backed into me

screamed. Later I learned that Big Shes jaw had

cracked. She said she was okay, but I knew she

was not. Everybody wanted to rush her to the hos-

pital. She told us that she would be right back and

also told Little She to saddle up and start warming

up. I felt terrible!

I decided to be a very good listener, and do ev-

erything Big She wanted. We were called to go

into the class. Big She was not yet back. I decided

we needed to go anyway. Little She had no other

choice. We entered the arena. The judge asked

us to do many things, such as walking, trotting,

cantering, backing up, changing directions, and

many other things. There were many horses in the

class. I wanted the judge to see that we were THE

BEST! We seemed to do very well and the judge

presented us with a piece of ribbon, blue in color!

Later I learned that getting the blue ribbon is what

everybody wanted. Big She came back, looking

kind of funny, with a big puffed up mouth. She

was so pleased with our blue ribbon though.

We went in another class and still another, always

coming up with blue ribbons.

The end came and we were ready to board the

trailer, when someone called over the public ad-

dress system, would rider and horse number 23

please come into the arena? I was afraid they

would take away the blue ribbons that Little She

wanted so much, so I refused to go (maybe they

would punish me or leave me because I hurt Big

She).

Big She forced me to go. Surprise! A big, huge,

multi-colored ribbon was put around my neck, the

high point of the show, the CHAMPIONSHIP of

the show! It was the rst time that everyone took

pictures of me and a big thing called a trophy

was placed next to me on the stage where camera

lights were ashing.

Has it happened to you? You felt guilty, fearing

punishment, and things went the opposite way?

Life is not always good and not always bad. After

the rst victory, there were difcult times along

with the good times. The people in our little town

were very cautious about accepting us since we

were very different in many ways. There was a bet

that we would not last longer than a year, maybe

two years at the most. However, we began to meet

people at the university where Big She and herman worked. We also met many horse people and

started having adventures.

How did you adjust when you changed schools or

moved? How did you make friends?


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Chapter 6

Dont Fence Me In

Yes, that is the song they were singing when head-

ing for the endless mountains, forests and valleys

that seemed to go on forever. They were so ex-cited to be on the Pacic Crest Trail, which goes

from Canada all the way to Mexico. I just hoped

they would not make me cover the entire length of

the trail all at once. There were old pioneer routes

we took and a series of lakes the Little She wanted

us to swim. Icy rivers beckoned us to cross. Many

wild animals watched us, often unafraid. They had

not encountered humans or learned how danger-

ous they could be.

Once we found ourselves in a herd of wild horses.A steep trail led us from the main trail to the lake.

We did not see the horses until we descended to

the shore. They were having a bath - splashing,

playing, and grazing on the ocean grass. They

seemed tense but did not want to ght. I studied

them. They had the familiar wild smell: a mix

of sweet grass, river mud and dust. I could smell

a mare with her baby with the beautiful scent of

milk. There was the smell of excitement and fear,

as well as the smell of stallions, wind and sage.

They smelled and looked like freedom, limitlessfreedom. Lean, tough, all muscle. Matted tails and

mane. Scars and missing hide marked signs of past

battles. Tough, hard life, free of humans. I won-

dered if I should join them and be free. Big She

valued freedom so much. If she were a horse, may-

be she would have joined them. But maybe not.

How much freedom can one have without the

knowledge of how to protect it? Anybody can

shoot a wild horse or do terrible, abusive things tohim or sell him to a dog food factory.

Have you ever wanted to be free like the wild

horses? Run away from home?

Have you thought about how you would protect

yourself from bad people?

It was a warm day and we were at a lake. I lookedat Big She and Little She. I thought of my herd -

Espie, my little sister, Puma and others. I thought

of snow and icy wind. I need to see that every-

body is well. I must help Big She. I decided not

to abandon them all. I am important to them. They

need me. One does not leave a family merely for

more fun. I believe in loyalty.

Do you believe in loyalty?

Once we found ourselves nose to nose with a cou-

gar! Big She told us not to show fear and walk on.

We did what she said and the cougar could have

cared less. He was oversized, like Mali Roy, the

barn cat. A mama bear and her two cubs did not

want to harm us either. She just signaled the pair

to run away from us. Mothers are protective.


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Now meeting a baby eagle was different. Here I

was, going on the trail - nice day with spring ow-

ers. All at once something big and ugly was ap-

ping its wings at me. I spooked. I expected a ght.

Big She told me to go easy...easywalk. (She

can be very reassuring.) We just walked by.

I always tend to want to ght when scared. Doyou? What would be excitng for you? Would you

be scared on such an adventure?

I did get caught up in the excitement, but avoiding

catastrophe is very hard work and demands my

concentration. For example, if we are crossing the

river there could be a slippery rock. The mountain

water is so cold! I would not like an unplanned

bath. Or, if we encountered snow left from winter

in a shady valley, anything could be under it - a

log, bog or something that could break my leg.That would be the end of me.

Some trips were very, very long and Little She

would get tired and The Big She would start tell-

ing us stories about old times - Indians, Red Bull

and the Last Unicorn. The rhythm of her voice

would make us stop thinking about being tired.

Little She would get involved in the story and

would demand to hear more and more. Big She

seems to have endless imagination and does not

get hoarse easily.

On occasion, she almost talked like a horse would:

What does it smell like? The trees smell like

Christmas. But then, there is the smell of moss.

Close your eyes so you can be more aware of

sensations and smells. Feel the moisture? Hear the

insects? We are approaching a lake. Feel the cool-

ness! (Sure enough, there was the lake nearby.)

I would sometimes try to entertain my people,

too. We might be crossing a river and I would put

my head down as if I wanted to drink and shake

a bit. Little She would not expect that and wouldslide down my neck as if it were a slide and plop

in to the water in front of me. They did not think

it was funny. My other trick was to swish my tail

in a circle like a helicopters propeller. That would

drench everybody. That did not go well either.

From then on I had to carry a change of clothes in

the saddle bag for her.

Have you ever experienced that people did not ap-

preciate your sense of humor?

Sometimes we took along Little Snow, my friend

the dog. I did not mind even though it meant

more work. After running behind or ahead of us

he would look pathetic. I will die from being so

tired, he indicated to Big She. She would look

concerned and lift him into the saddle in front of

her. He was not very heavy. He would be limp,

draped over my neck. If we met somebody on the

trail, they would think he is dead. But if a rabbit

happened to run by or something would catch his

attention, he would suddenly be alive and well

and ready for a chase! He had a spirit like me. He

was family.

Later, we started participating in endurance races.

The race can be 15, 20, 30, 50 or even 100 miles.

Horses are checked when they start and when they

end a race. The vet checks every ten or 15 miles.

They make sure that I am not lame and that my

heart rate, breathing and pulse are normal. I could

not leave the vet station if all readings are not in

a normal range. So, I had to make sure that my

nerves do not speed up the heart or raise my blood

pressure.

One time Magic did just that: She got so upset

over losing time being stopped at the vet station

that her heart rate went up. The vet did not under-

stand the reason for her high heart rate and told


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us we should slow down. We slowed down and

some other riders passed us. When we crossed the

nish line and got checked, I was to win a best-

conditioned horse award. However, the stress of

slowing down and letting people pass us caused

my muscles to bunch up. They became very hard.

(This is called tie down.) In the end, because of

that, I did not get the award. I was mad at myself,

Magic, the vet and Little and Big She. I am very

competitive. I have to win. I need to prove to the

world I can do it.

Do you ever feel that way? Do you believe you

have to win or do you not care about winning?

I learned to keep my cool and concentrate on the

nice treats offered to us at the vet stops carrots,

apples, fresh hay, and cold water. The crew rubsus with a sponge and fusses over us. Who would

not like that? I havent anything to worry about!

Also, I learned to love the desert smells of sage

and dust, of earth breathing with hotter and hotter

breaths as the sun rises, and colder and colder

breaths when sun goes to sleep in the evenings.

The surface of the earth feels dry and powdery.

Most of the time, as far as the eye can see, there

is no human. I felt I could y. I understood why

Big She loved it so much. At the same time there

is security: Trails are checked; there are no hidden

dangers and no hunters lurk behind the trees. It is

much less of a challenge than when Big She plans

an adventure. (She planned a trip to California to

ride the famous Tevis Cup ride. One day I will tell

you about it. It was exciting!)

Do you prefer something safe or do you prefer

taking risks? How?

Before we end this chapter, I will tell you about

one more adventure that Big She later called the

Lady Godiva adventure. Finally, Ill tell you

about introducing Espie, that I loved so much and

who betrayed me, to the trails and nature,

Here is the Lady Godiva experience:Big She decided to take a group of girls into the

mountains. It was a reward for good behavior. Big

She rode Sir Laughs A Lot, a very big thorough-

bred. I was in charge of Little She.

All went well until the girls decided it was so hot

and it was time for a swim. It was hot! It felt good

to have the saddle off. We played in the water just

like the girls did. Then, they started splashing and

giggling and screaming. Then, we horses got in to

the spirit of it and, on impulse, took off that is,all except for Lance.

After running for a while we stopped. What now?

The girls came after us as they were (no clothes

on). We decided to play hide and seek. Then it was

time to be caught. The girls climbed onto their

horses and decided to play wild Indians and ride

through the camp. We caused a sensation. What


16/43


fun! I forgot to be responsible. Then I thought

about Big She and that she might be upset and

worried. We rode up the trail; I took the lead. Then

we met Big She and, as predicted, she was UPSET.

However, all she said was, All is well that ends

well! The consequences were not too bad.

Now here is story of how I helped Espie to growup from being a baby to being a horse. (I wish I

never did that!)

One day, Big She declared that it was time that we

introduce Espie (Esperanza / Hope) to the real

life wilderness. The idea was to expose Espie to

something potentially scary, with different smells

and environment, so that she would not rely on us

so much and to break her habit of spooking and

doing her own thing.

Is that wise? I tried to ask. She is my little sister.

I love her but she is so emotional! I was protective

of her but also of Big and Little She. I was also

a bit jealous. Ill admit that I am a possessive, jeal-

ous type and for good reason, I found out later.

Are you ever jealous of somebody you also love?

I was right in my judgment of Espie. We were setting

up camp when Espie smelled the elk. She reared,

broke the lead and took off. I was mad and almosthoped she were gone for good. I wanted to take care

of Big and Little She. I wanted to have a nice time,

quiet, without the tantrums. It was not to be.

Big She took the new lead rope and went into the

woods to nd her. Time went by. I got more and

more worried. She might have been eaten by a

coyote or something else, I fretted to myself. I

decided that I had better get myself loose and

go nd them. So I jumped out of the corral and

trotted into the woods for the rescue. Little She

started yelling, Ho! Right now! Ho! I knew bet-

ter. I left her and found Big She. She was speech-

less when she saw me. I whinnied loud and clear.

Espie heard and answered. Soon, she came to us.

I was very proud of myself. For some reason I did

not get much praise. Little She even scolded me.

Do you understand why Big and Little She were

not too pleased?

Have you tried to do something, succeeded and

did not get rewarded?

Espie did settle. She stated listening to the BigShe. She stopped spooking and behaved, even

when we met a galloping horse coming from

nowhere with a saddle and no rider. She was told,

Ho! and she stopped. In her way, she asked Big

She, What next? and followed the instructions.

Unbelievable!

When at home we worked again, although a dif-

ferent type of work. Big She proclaimed that Little

She needed to learn proper riding. So, we started

with dressage. Precision! Circles at a particularletters in the arena! Changing from trot to canter

or walk, or from walk to a canter! Stopping on a

dime, and so on. It is hard to concentrate and listen

and guess what the little one wanted. Sometimes I

would pretend I do not know what she wanted.


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Chapter 7

My beginning show carrier

...a disaster

This chapter will be very brief. My career as a

Western show horse was very brief. Here is whathappened:

In Western, particularly in 4H, there is a lot of

waiting. You stand and wait, and wait some more.

Then, even more particularly in one of the

classes called Showmanship. Here is how it goes:

Everybody has to be spotless, both horse and rider.

Riders are on the ground with their horses and the

idea is that they have to show the judge how much

in control they are of their horses. When the judge

comes to them they need to back up the horse and

do a pattern. The judge takes his or her time to get

to the rider and horse. Literally, one may wait an

hour. Horse handlers are known to faint because

they are expected to lock their knees and not move

a muscle for a very long time. That is not me,

nor is it Little She. Also, at that time I was los-

ing my baby fur, which is brown, and did not yet

have my white fur. So, to be honest, I looked a bit

dirty even after a scrub. And then, there was theproblem of my having a birth defect a so-called

pocket. I cannot help it. The saliva gathers in

this pocket and I may drool. If I eat something

green, such as grass, I will drool green. Those who

are not so kind, call it green slime. The drool also

can be pink if I had just had a carrot. Some think I

am pretending when I act as if I dont care; but, I

do very much. It is so embarrassing!

So anyway, here we were waiting for the judge.

Waiting and waiting. All the other horses were soslick! Finally, the judge comes toward me. She is

in all pink from boots to her hat. She is so clean.

She is so everything. Here I am ghting the

urge to spit the saliva. I have waited so long! She

checks my tail and body and comes to my head.

I cannot wait any more. I give up. Just as she is

closest to me, I unload!! (I had a lotto unload.) I

had grass to eat so it is green. Her beautiful, im-

maculate outt is green from her shoulder to her

boots (her hat escaped the outpouring). I wanted

to die. I think she shared my feelings. We never

participated in that type of class again.

Do you also have something you do that you are

ashamed of but you cannot do anything to change it?

Have you ever had an experience like ours?

I did not know if I wanted to cooperate with the

demands put on me.

I did not feel that Little She was listening to me.

Life should be more fun.

Next came a blurry series of shows. Some went

well some did not.

The outcome of not taking life more seriously was

a disaster. The fact that I was not doing consis-

tently well in shows was very important to Little

She. I thought I knew what she did wrong, she

thought she knew what I was doing wrong. We

had a trainer at that time who also had an opinion:

I was too small, conformation was such that I willnever go beyond 1st level of difculty, and Little

She needs a different horse.

One day I woke up to the realization that I had

been dumped. Little She chose Esperanza, my

little sister! I taught her all she knew. I comforted

her. I was always by her side and she betrayed me!


18/43


It was an ungrateful Little Shes fault for not

listening to me! It was the lousy trainers fault! It

was betrayal by Espie. It was lack of loyalty from

Big She! I was good, tried to please and tried to

give input. Nobody appreciated me!

I was depressed, angry, and very jealous. I felt

like giving up . I did not trust anybody. I refused

to eat. I was so nervous that I rubbed my tail off

almost completely. I would just stand there, my

head down. I started chewing wood. Sometimes I

would go to the outside arena and do the dressage

test the way I thought it should be done on more

advanced level.

Have you ever felt that way?

What is it that has made you feel that way?

In order to want to live, succeed, and be happy, I

needed somebody to believe in me.

Who believes in you?

Big She came to visit with me, brushed me and

talked to me, over and over again. I understood that

she wanted my help working with kids. What an

important job! I did not know if I wanted to do that.

After a while, helping others made me realize Iwas helping myself. I will tell you about me in the

chapter called, Horse Therapy.

Through meeting and getting to know little people

and experiencing their feelings, I began to un-

derstand many things about me and my own life.

It was not about how I felt, what I wanted to do,

or what I thought needs to be done. If I worked

with Little She, or any other being, we had to be

a team. It was all about how WE worked together.

We will not win or achieve our goal if I followjust my impulses or she just hers. All of our disas-

ters occurred when one of us did not think of the

needs of the other and, further, the consequences.

Trying ones best is not enough. If given a chance,

I will make sure that not only will I do my best

but I will also be a team player.

Do you think his thoughts make sense? Is he

right? Are there other ways to achieve goals?


19/43


Chapter 8

Me As a Therapist?!?

Now, Big She wants me to be a participant intherapy!!!

Does she mean she wants me not to be depressed

and will call the vet?

He cannot help. The betrayal and the abandon-

ment I experienced hurt me so much very deep

inside. The hurt feels so heavy and tight in my

chest. When I see the trailer leaving without me,

I wince. I recall the rush before we get into the

arena and the hush when all attention is on me. Iremember the enormous feeling of pride and hope

that this time I will shine. I loved the fuss over ev-

ery hair of my mane or tail, the picture-taking, the

smell of sweat, shavings, hay, other horses, hair

gel. Oh well! I feel like just facing into a corner

and telling myself to be indifferent to everything.

I do not want to eat. I do not trust anybody, human

or horse. My life is nished. I think others are

snickering at me. I am overwhelmed and cannot

go on.

Did you ever feel that way? Do you know how

I felt?

Big She comes and sits quietly next to me. Then,

she takes a brush and starts brushing my favorite

spots. I willnot respond. I am angry at her. She

should not let it happen. She is supposed to be in

charge.

As she brushed me, she told me she loved me. She

trusted that I am strong and will never give up on

anything. It is up to me. Try, and try again, she

said , and wait for the right moment. Then she

said, Give your best and you will achieve what

you so want. Just be careful that you really want

the dream you are seeking. Sometimes, we nd

out that we do not really want what we dream

about. She assured me that it will happen if you

do not miss the moment when it comes.

Do you know what she means? Do you believe

her? I do not know if I do. She talks in puzzles!

In the meantime, you are going to help me as a

therapy horse, Big She continued. I became a

bit curious. It was like a sparkle in a black night

of bad feelings. When she said, I need you, I

decided, why NOT?! But what is therapy?

The dentist comes, les the tooth and it is more

comfortable. When something hurts, the vet or

Big She give me shots, or soaks my foot, or cleans

my scratches and wounds. I cannot do any of that.

The next day, she cleaned me up and brought me

in front of many kids who were squeaking, talk-

ing without taking a breath, jumping, pulling at

my mane and doing all kind of obnoxious things

to my stable mates. They go for our noses rst,putting their hands on them. The smell is over-

whelming. We are so many times more sensitive

to smell than humans. Why dont they know that?

How would they like to have a smelly hoof thrust

into their noses?

My kid was small, very quiet, and smelled as if

he were afraid of me (and of the whole situation).

The adult, called a side walker, who is responsible

for keeping the kid out of trouble and unhurt,

gave him a brush and told him to brush me. Histouch was so light, like a buttery wing. I nudged

him with my nose to say, Hi! He started to cry

quietly - one tear, then another. Something stirred

in me. I knew how he felt. We felt the same way.

He was only up to my shoulders in height. I put

my head down almost to the ground and he put

his small hand in my mane and buried his face

in my hair as if to hide. You are warm and soft


20/43


like a Teddy Bear, he said in a very soft, quiet

voice. I did not want to scare him and remained

very quiet. We stood for some time and hugged.

He stopped crying and seemed to feel better. I also

felt better as if the heavy iceberg in my chest were

beginning to melt.

Is that therapy? He started feeling better because

somebody cares, is there for him and listens. All

of that makes a creature (human or animal), feel

warm and not alone. I felt better because he really

cared about me. He did not even know about blue

ribbons and winning. I know that he appreciated

my making him feeling better.

What do you think? What is helpful and makes

you feel better? Is that what therapy is? What can

a horse or a special animal friend do to make you

feel better or worse?

Later, I heard that books say that the outside of

the horse makes a person feel better inside. I do

not agree. My inside is just as important. My

caring and willingness to try to make him feel

better is just as important. If I were thinking of

other things, being rough, or not taking care of my

patient, I would not help him. I might even make

him more angry, scared, anxious or excitable. I

also could easily make him depressed and feel

even worse about himself.

Through the years we, the therapy horses, had all

kind of kids. We developed our strategies to deal

with them. With some, we had to be so very care-

ful because just the slightest thing scared them.

They are afraid to take a breath. Some kids are toowiggly, pull on the reins, or hit their horse without

reason. Some are bullies with us - just as they are

in school. There is no way to establish commu-

nication. Often a gentle, but effective, buck and

some of our secret weapons bring them in line.

Some kids give conicting messages: Go and

Stop at the same time. Or, they signal, go left

(with the rein) and go straight (with their body).

Sometimes, our merely stoppingand not moving

at all makes them realize what they are doing. Ittakes time to teach kids to communicate clearly or

even to gure out for themselves what they actu-

ally want. That is called therapy, too.

There is so much we came up with as ways to han-

dle kids and teach them, including Smorses famous

playing dead when things get too much to endure.

Smorse, a paint pony, told me to try his tricks:

Once, in the summer it was very hot. The kid rid-

ing Smorse was not nice. So Smorse laid down

and played dead by letting his tongue hang out,

stretching out his legs and closing his eyes. Ev-

erybody came over to where he lay. They kissed

him, cried and yelled to Big She, Smorsy died!

However, it did not really work out for him; Big

She came over to him, looked at him and said


21/43


sternly, Smorse, get up! He knew he needed to

get up and stop the game.

I did not try that trick.

Have you ever played sick to get out of something?

How well do you communicate? What does your

horse teach you about how to communicate?

What does your horse do when he is annoyed with

you?

How would your horse describe you?

We, the herd, do not have a calendar that tells us

when the kids will come. We feel it in our bones.

We pretend we do not care but we keep an eye

on the gate. If it is a holiday and the lesson is

skipped, even Frosty, our wise and experiencedhorse, gets depressed. Not that she would admit

it. She usually grumbles that it is too much work

for her, at her age. However, her behavior and

outward appearance contradict. She looks a lot

younger when she has her kid working with her.

Each one of us seems to glow when we manage to

teach something to our kid. It feels like a big win,

a blue ribbon.

I was so surprised to realize how scary, lonely,loveless, and unpredictable life can be for a child.

It is no different for a horse. Getting such child

to smile, feel condent, and to feel that we are

friends, is great.

I remember Nicole who really came to love me.

Her entire school kept hearing about me. She even

wrote a paper called, Daydream Galaxy. I was

the center of her galaxy. Neat!

Nicole taught me not to be ashamed of my birthdefect, occasional slobbering. She would smile

and glow and tell her mother, Daydream slimed

on me! She seemed to see it as a sort of kiss.

Its amazing what love and acceptance can do!

Around Nicole, I did not feel embarrassed about

my handicap.

Have you ever experienced that, with acceptance

of your shortcoming, it stops being a problem?

The parents are totally something else. Here are

some examples:

Some drop the kid and are gone. Ill bet they do

not know what color of horse their child rides.

They need to get away from their child.

Some parents try to bribe us into loving theirfamily and child more than others, by bringing all

kind of treats, including cereal for humans, exotic

fruit, or rotten apples. Big She has to come to the

rescue quick! She should do a better job educating

the parents.

Some parents blame us for being a the dumb

horse or the difcult horse if we do not act like

a computer programmed robot horse. Nothing is

ever their childs fault! If everything is not going

just as the child wants, we are at fault! Their bratwill always stay a brat and be disrespectful toward

others.

Other parents want the status. They tell their

friends or family, my child has riding lessons

and take pictures to prove it. I do so much for my

child! they have been known to say.

Some parents are never present, even if they are

physically at the ranch.

They are too lost in themselves and their prob-

lems. I could go on and on talking about the par-

ents who make our lives (and their childs) hard.

And then there are the parents who actually are

affected by the experience and learn. They take a

look at their child, then a second look, and may

be proud of the child for the rst time. They see

a totally different side of the child that they never

knew existed. They follow up on Big Shes re-

quests and suggestions. The relationship with their

child blossoms. I love to see that happen!

How would you describe your parents and their

attitude toward your horse and your riding?

As time went by, I relaxed more and more. I real-

ized I am not alone with my problems. Others

horses have them and even humans have them.

There are rewards in life, even when there are no


22/43


shows. I gained weight and my muscles became a

bit abby, not those of an athlete anymore. There

were no great peaks of excitement or deep valleys

of depression. Big She and I were good partners.

She listened to my opinion if I deantly refused to

work with a particular brat of a kid who was not

motivated to be around horses. I listened to her

and did not engage too much in my tricks. I felt in

control of my life. It was a good life.

One day Bill, the horseshoer, was shoeing the

horses; he looked at me and asked, Who is this

old horse?

Boy that hurt!Me, old? I am in my prime! I am

not nished! I have so much yet to do and so

much to achieve!

But then, maybe the Big She is wrong. My timewill not come. I will forever stay in a background

- never again experiencing the incredible high

when everybody is quiet and I am in the middle of

the arena at X, still as a statue. All of me coils up

like a cobra ready to strike like lightning when the

judge gets up and gives a nod. The bell rings and

it is now or never to do our best. It is a moment

to die for. I guess I am still addicted. I am fool-

ing myself into thinking that I am over it all and

happy with my respectable, secure life.

Were you really passionate about something?

Sports, art, computer games like Daydream was?

Bill is right. Day needs to get on the regular

exercise schedule, Big She told Little She. I

remembered that Espie is out of favor and Little

She needs a horse for the show season. This is my

chance! But do I want to give up my freedom,

time with friends or my whole being, only to train

and try and try again to achieve perfection of

movement?

YES!

Did you ever wanted something so much that you

were ready to give up a lot just to have a chance

to achieve it?


23/43


Chapter 9

On the Road to Achieve

the Big Goal

So here we are, repeating the same move over

and over: Stop and salute at the X. That is in the

middle of the arena halfway between where we

enter and the judge on the opposite end. Sounds

simple? It is not.

Dressage is supposed to be a demonstration of a

horses ability to work in harmony with the rider

and to be in almost total control of the body and

its movements. I had to be in control of each

muscle and do each move just so. I have to be just

like a top skater or a gymnast. It is almost impos-

sible to get a grade of ten, which is the top grade

for a perfect move. Even the worlds to riders in

the Olympics do not get a grade of ten very often.

Each move, from the moment I enter the arena

is scored how I enter, stop for the salute, how

I depart to the next move and so on. Depending

on the test I might get 20, 30, or more grades.

Then, the quality of my gait (walk, trot, canter)

is graded, as well as my compliance (not arguing

with my rider) and other aspects of my ride. This

is where the inuence of judges opinions, values,

and prejudices come in. Al of the scoring is aver-

aged and the nal score determines the placing on

the test.

In a regular show, there is one judge who scores.

In a championship show, two independent judges

are used. For a very important show three judges

sitting on opposite sides of the arena, score inde-

pendently. The nal standings are determined by

averaging all three judges nal total scores.

Have you ever worked so hard to get an A or

do the right move with your body to get the skate

board to move just right? Hit the ball just right?You know how frustrating and hard it gets some-

times? You never did? Why not? Nothing matters

so much, or you were afraid to try?

Well, I really wanted to show that I am worthy to

be given a chance. I wanted to show everybody

that I could. It is so hard! Even the stop or the

walk that seem so easy are really not. I needed to

be straight, I needed as the trainers said to be

round, on the bit, soft, and elastic.

Basically, it means that I had to learn to walk,

even to stop all over gain. It is hard for any horse

but particularly for me because of the body I was

born with. It is called conformation. It is like

wanting to be a football star and being very slight

in build, or a professional basketball player and

being only ve feet two inches tall.

Yes, I was not as big as many competition horses.

Many were close to 17 hands, I was 15hands 3

ifI puffed up my muscles and stretched myself. Iwas also white in color; black horses are regarded

as more impressive.

That does not make any sense to me. What does

the color of your skin have to do with anything?

Even your height should not matter. Dressage is

supposed to be about harmony, mastery of move-

ment. So what if you are born a particular color or

you are not tall? If your conformation is not mak-

ing work easy for your should they not score you

higher than somebody who is born lucky and haseasier time doing the movies? It is not how it is in

the real world.

Have you ever experienced that you had fewer

chances at something than somebody else due to

the color of your skin or another feature about

you that you could not change? Have your wit-

nessed somebody else having that problem?


24/43


What also made life hard is that trainers earn a

lot of money by selling horses and I would often

overhear a trainer talking to the Big and Little She

that they know of the right horse Big She should

consider buying. That would always make me so

anxious. When I am anxious I get tense and can-

not concentrate or do as well as I should. I felt

like chewing on the wood of the stall or rubbing

my tail, as you would chew on your ngernails.

What about you, what do you do when you are

anxious? Chew on your ngernails or your pencil?

Fuss with your hair? Do you do better in practice

or on the big test or in the championship game?

However, I learned to use that anxiety to help me

stay with the task and try harder by thinking, I

will NOT allow anyone to make me fail! Also, I

surprised myself by nding that; actually, I havegreat fun and take pride in I executing a perfect

move. As I realized that, I started challenging

myself to do better each time and I would get

completely los in the effort to do my best.

When we have a good ride it was like a dream

time slows down, one lives in the moment and,

when the test is done and we salute, I feel sad that

it is nished and cannot wait to do it again.

Have you ever enjoyed and activity to that extent?

Another important thing that helped with my

anxiety a=was that somebody

believed in me. I felt that the Big

She believed in me. She will stick

by me no matter what.

Who sticks by you no matter what?

Not all of our rides were good.

We were inexperienced and, more

importantly, we did not project

condence. The problem was also

that Little She sort of believed in

me, sort of did not. She was also

shy, unsure of herself. She said

it was not true, but it was. To do

well, you not only have to do ev-

erything right, but also to enter the

arena of any competition with an

attitude of, look at us; we are the best. One has

to convey that attitude to the judges. Two people

may score about the same on a test, but the pair

that communicated the attitude of a winner, will

be scored a bit higher. Sometimes, half a point

means victory.

Have you experienced that? You come into a com-petition (for example a game or debate) with the

feeling that you will win and you did. Or the other

way around you did not win because you did not

think you could?

The solution regarding gaining condence came

from an unexpected source our little kids we

were helping. Many of the kids who come to use

are unsure about themselves, do not believe in

themselves and expect failure.

Big She was working with them on building

condence, believing in themselves, setting goals

and working to achieve those goals. Little She was

asked to help with the drill team. Big She would

nd music and a story that would capture a kids

imagination, such as Zorro or The Three Mus-

keteers, among others. The kids would get into

the themes so deeply that they would forget to be

shy or unsure of themselves. They would almost

become invincible, like Zorro or the other charac-

ters they represented in the drill. Big She came up

with costumes, masks, swords and other inventions


25/43


the helped transform the kids into somebody else.

Little She helped coach then and, as you know, I

was always there to keep the ponies and horses in

line. By concentrating on helping others, on forgets

to think about one self. By seeing how well others

on the team are doing, there is growing condence

in oneself without being aware of it! That is exactly

what happened to me and Little She.

Did you ever realize how much better you are when

you concentrate on helping other to do better?

Our drill team was becoming well-known for

doing very well and winning over grownups on

expensive horses in open competitions. We got the

highest score of the year in Oregon and even in

the entire Northwest. We won the State Champi-

onship and Regional Championship. We came into

the arena with the attitude that we will be the best.Most often we were.

Our attitude carried over into regular competi-

tion for us even without the team. Little She

and I started seeing ourselves as unbeatable, the

BEST. One time, at Regionals, we were entering

the arena as the previous drill team was coming

out. At one moment, Honey and Rudolf Valen-

tino, two ponies on our team, were next to two of

the Warmbloods and I really was concerned that

the ponies would take a shortcut to the arena by

going under the two giants. Somebody who did

not know about us was snickering, saying what

were we thinking, competing with a team of both

horses and ponies? They were not snickering

when we won the championship.

We did have a very odd collection of horses. Most

were adopted from bad situations or they were

unwanted and donated to us. They were of differ-

ent breeds and sizes.

Usually, in a drill, horses garb is matched to the

riders outts. The music is chosen to best t the

needed moves in the drill. There is no story told

in the drill other than that all is well-harmonized,

synchronized, well-timed and executed.

Big She chose a different approach. Horses and

riders obviously could not match. Instead of see-

ing that as a handicap, which needs to be some-

how disguised or apologized for, Big She chose

the music and made up a story about what is

going on in the drill. That made having different

sized of mounts turn into an asset. For example,

in The King and I, I was carrying the teacher

and the ponies carried the Kings children; in the

Sound of Music drill, Maria was on me and the

kids were on horses of different sizes similar to

what they were in the musical.

Have you ever tried to turn a disadvantage to an

advantage Have you ever changed something that

you might have been ashamed of, such as being

too big or too small, into an advantage?

The successes did not come easy. It took work, a

lot of work.Endless work. I worked tow jobs

work with the kids and even more work with Lit-tle She on her dressage tests. Sometimes I felt as

if I could not stand it anymore. I wanted a break.

I wanted to rebel. I needed to do something other

than the correct thing. (That spelled trouble!) One

time I almost blew it for good.

It was a gala performance at Jefferson County

fairgrounds, a Championship. We were to per-

form our Zorro drill at night. Special, expensive

tables were set up above the arena for guests, who

were served wine and food and were treated to the

special performances. It was so exciting! Stalls

around the arena housed hundreds of horses.

The lights were in the stalls and the horses less

fortunate than us were looking as we went by.

Big She had made us ort capes and Zorro masks,

we had black britches and boots, white shirts,

black helmets and we even had swords. We were

Zorro and his group. We were so excited that it

was hard to remember to behave. Our hearts were

beating loudly to the rhythm of the hooves hit-

ting the pavement. Everybody watched us pass.

Horses heads popped out over the stall doors. We

approached the lit arena. Yes! That is life! We

paired two by two. They announced us over the

PA system. Then Big She was of to the bleachers

fast like lightning to where the announcer was

to oversee the starting of the music, videotaping

of us and to just keep an eye on everything. Then,


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the music started and we entered. People glanced

at us and continued chatting and drinking, prob-

ably thinking that this is not a serious drill, just

kids. I knew we had to engage the audience. I was

rst in line and I arched my neck, grew as much

as I could by pufng my chest and making all the

muscles stand out. Sweetheart tried to do the same.

The others followed. We were exact and precise

and got thoroughly into Zorro battling the enemy.

When we did the wheel, we were like and invin-

cible wave. People stopped chatting. There was

applause (which is not usual at such occasions),

which red us up even more. I was in a dream

come true. I was with my team, proudly work-

ing. We were terric and had applause again and

again. When we were done we had three curtain

calls, which neverhappens in dressage shows.

We were go high! We galloped full speed round

and round the arena. People continued clapping,

yelling their approval. Since we were circling the

arena, I was not in the lead anymore and the horse

who was coming close to the exit, Utah, jumped

the arena gate, out into the night. Instead of slow-

ing down and preventing the rest from doing the

same, I jumped too. Nobody could stop me in my

exuberance. The viewers went wild. It was exactly

how Zorro would have exited!

I only later understood that we could have been

eliminated, even not allowed to show again, and

all kinds of awful things could have happened.

People in charge are so straight-laced! But noth-

ing really bad happened. Big She received nasty

letters regarding safety, as if she could have done

anything in time to stop us, except jumping dan-

gerously one oor down from the bleachers onto

one of the horses galloping out of the arena. That

would have been grand. So cool! Zorro wouldhave done that.

The public loved it and I loved it. I am not sorry

about what happened. People still, after so many

years, remember that evening and our ride. That

was an experience to live for.

Have you ever dreamed about doing something

daring, something to remember always, even

though you probably should not have done it?

What was it? What was the most thrilling thing

you ever did?

At that time, another fortunate even happened.

At a show in which Little She and I performed,

a very experienced, well known trainer, and FEI

rider, approached Big She and Little She. Thetrainer said that our rides were very good but that

we needed to work on projecting condence. She

was very encouraging and consented to become

our trainer.

Our career was taking off!! Onward and up-

ward, The sky is the limit, as they say. I am onmy way to become My Silver Daydream. I started

working even harder, not because I needed to

prove something to somebody but because I loved

the result: making great moves, feeling almost in

another world, and creating something beautiful.


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Chapter 10

Transition

It is often hard for us to know what is up. There is

a burst of activity, the trailer is hooked up to the

truck. One of us is going somewhere. Who? Why?

Are we going somewhere fun? Is it going to be a

visit to the vet? Are we going on a long trip or

is one of us leaving forever ?

Ill bet that is how some of our kids feel. Their

parents make up their minds and often, without

warning, there is parting. Somebody important isgone or moved and the world changes forever. It

is confusing, scary.

Have you ever experienced an unexpected change

in your life?

I did learn to guess what was going on in many

cases. If it is a big trailer, we are going on a longer

trip. If I am washed, scrubbed and bundled up,

it is probably a show. If a lot of peoples stuff is

packed but I am not specially groomed it is acamp-out. There are many ways to know what my

people are up to.

What is really scary and often sad is when a very

big trailer comes, driven by somebody we do not

know. That happened when we left Hawaii, when

Espie left for good. I was jealous of her when she

took my place in shows with Little She, but Espie

was still my herd mate, my kid. I fathered her,

taught her, and worried about her. I loved her. All

at once she was gone; I do not want to think about

it now.

Forever-optimistic Sunshine (the godmother) re-

emerged into my life. If she came to help drive me

to the show, I knew it was going to be a big deal.

Everybody was wired up, electried. Her laid-

back, sunny, all is going to be great attitude was

such a ray of sunshine in a charged atmosphere

similar to that just before a thunderstorm.

Anyway, a new stage of life started for me-a lot ofdepartures, goodbyes, excitement and totally new

experiences. I put my hoofs on the ground of for-

ty-eight of the 50 American states. I saw the east

coast and the west coast. I visited the Grand Can-

yon, the famous Lexington, Kentucky, horse park

and places where famous horses reside. I risked

my life on windy roads covered with snow in

Oklahoma and survived the vicious attacking bit-

ing ies in Canada. I lost track of how many horse

motels I slept in. We were a real team during these

adventures, my humans and I. I endured it all andgave my very best because of how tight a team we

were. I was no longer afraid that I would be left

behind. I will tell you about some of it.


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Can you imagine a whole town in the middle of

nowhere? So called mega- truck stops - a town

especially for trucks with movie theaters, hotels,

restaurants, and many gas stations with stores and

food marts. Flashing lights were always advertis-

ing something. The noise of huge diesel trucks

idling or rolling toward the roads that would

lead them across the continent to their destina-

tions, was constant. Among all of these enormous

trucks, our big trailer now seemed so small. It is

true. We looked for a patch of green grass, or even

earth to unload me.

I had to get out and stretch my legs every 4 hours.

It could be in the meadows on the side of the road,

on the prairies, in the outskirts of little towns but

also in the mega-truck stops.

In the beginning, it was terrifying. These thunder-ing monsters, with burning eyes all around me,

were everywhere. I had to get out among them.

Some would toot their horns thinking it is a way

to say hi! Idiots!

I had to get out to stretch my legs and, if possible,

trot a bit, and be lunged (if there was space). In

time, I looked forward to such interruptions on the

trip. I actually enjoyed the attention I was get-

ting. It was almost as fun as a show. Actually, I

some times showed off. Often people would stop

what they were doing and watch with disbelief.

Through the years, we met some truckers more

than once and they acted like old friends.

The herd back home did not believe half of what I

told them.

When we nally arrived at the show grounds, it

was hard to get back into a behaving modeto do

things just so, mind my manners and my humans.

Have you had any exciting things happen to you?What was the most exciting trip you had? Do you

daydream about exciting adventures?

I promised to tell you about so-called horse

motels. Basically, they are barns that advertise

stalls for horses that travel, like me. They have a

place for the trailer to park hopefully, a pasture

to run in and graze - and an arena. It is rare that

they have all we need and the stalls may not be so

nice; my neighbor might be a cow. The motels are

not always easy to nd since they are off the mainhighway on country roads. We often traveled till

nightfall, so nding anything in the dark on a nar-

row, unsigned road, was difcult.

Once we were entering southern California and

turned onto a road we expected would take us to a

motel. We all were all tired. There were no lights

and I knew we were reaching the point when the

Big She would say, Why am I doing this???

Finally, a light appeared. It lookedlike a barn. We

stopped hoping we were on the right road because

turning a big truck and a big trailer on a small

road is next to impossible - particularly in the

dark. Big She got out and opened the door of the

barn; there were about 50 milking cows looking at

us with their big eyes. Some mooed a sleepy hel-

lo. A man then came toward us. He was Asian and

said, No speak English. Big She resorted to sign

language. She pretended she was a horse and that

the horse was tired. Then, she gestured that she

wanted to sleep and tried to convey the question

of a horse barn where both horses and humans


29/43


could sleep. He nally seemed to understand and

pretended he was driving, turning left, then right.

Then he pretended to drive again and stopped,

showing two ngers that must have meant two

miles or something like it.

It was so dark and we were all so tired that we

decided to trust the pantomime and do as told.

Surprise! We did nd a barn and the motel. It was

heavenly to stretch in the clean stall.

We did not always have happy endings. Once

there were so many ies in a barn in Canada

that we were covered with them as soon as we

stopped. It was close to a pond and there was a lot

of livestock around. Flies love that combination of

circumstances! So we pulled out, driving fartherout of town, away from the river and any habita-

tion. We stopped on a leveled pasture next to the

road and made a temporary corral for me. We

camped out till morning, at which time a surprised

farmer stumbled upon us. He was not terribly

angry with us for camping there, but charged us

a small fee and wished us a good trip. He also

instructed us where we could nd a good camping

place for the next night.

The Fairgrounds where big national competitions

are held are also something to be seen in order to

be believed. Thousands of trailers gathered - some

as big as train cars. They had air-conditioning, TV

and everything one could wish for. A nice house

could be bought for the cost of such a trailer.Trailers are pulled by huge trucks that cost more

than a house anda ranch combined! Hundreds of

stores sprout up overnight at the fairgrounds, too.

Thousands of horses and - if Western competitions

are part of the event - hundreds of cows are also

delivered to the corrals.

There is incredible luxury. Utilitarian, metal stalls,

often with stain and rust, are transform into palaces

with velvet drapes or panels. Some big barns have

whole aisles (ten ore more stalls in a row) deco-rated like, for example, Arabian tents or palaces

with big potted plants, articial waterfalls, tables

and armchairs in front with Champagne or other

goodies. Each barn competes with other barns to

see who can create the fanciest decorations.

The entire show grounds, empty one day, become

this dream like fantasy place overnight. Carpen-

ters, electricians and grooms are everywhere. Heat


30/43


lamps and fans are installed. Horses are led into

their new fancy homes and security guards are

patrolling. Grooms see that all is spotless. Often

the grooms are from other countries so one hears

different languages.

Horse owners may or may not be rich. They pay

for trainers to have, for a short time, their lifetransform in to a dream. The owners may or may

not be capable of riding their own horses. Most

likely the trainer will ride them. However, their

horse will take their owner in an other world, an

alternate reality something like you may experi-

ence when you get totally lost in a movie or book

to the extent that you absolutely feel part of the

action and in the other time and place. People

seem to need something beyond the ordinary, ev-

eryday life; they seem to need to experience , even

if just for a moment, all the excitement, glamour,

greatness they dreamed about as kids.

What are/were your daydreams?

The trainers make their living by making such

things happen. If they manage to create such ex-

periences, they keep their clients and livelihood.

When in such a daze, people tend to spend

money without much thinking about tomorrow.

Therefore, hundreds of stores materialize out ofnowhere - equally imaginatively decorated and

luxurious.

We seemed so out of place with one stall modestly

draped, with one horse and no grooms or trainers.

Our curtains were hunter green with burgundy

trim, homemade by Big She. I look good in bur-

gundy so my stall sheet was of that color. My feed

and water buckets were burgundy, too.

My stall door had my name: My Silver Day-dream andPlease do notvisit with me now.

I need my beauty sleep.The signs were home-

made, too. In all the excitement we misspelled the

word sleep and did not notice it till much later.

The security guard usually took us under his wing

and patrolled more often around our stall and

checked on me. I tried to be as big as possible

when somebody passed the stall. I was determined

not to be intimidated. I was determined to put up

a good ght and win for my ladies and for my

herd and for my barn, even without all the expen-

sive stuff. I wanted to show myself that I can do

it without fancy trimmings, without the height,

without costing a fortune to my owners in the

purchase price, without thousands of dollars spent

on trainers.

I was determined to do the best I can, regardless,

and my people felt the same.

Have you ever stood up for yourself rather than

copy others, wishing to have stuff like they did?

Have you ever decided to do your best against all

odds ?

Have you shown that being you is the best?


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Chapter 11

ON THE TOP

So, this is it. It is what we worked for. Kentucky

USA Nationals night.

The ocean of trailers surround the fairgrounds

arena, with glittering lanterns in the night. Horses

neigh, excitement is in the air.

It is past 11 p.m., long after my dinner and sleep

time. Smells of horse shampoos, Show Glow

spray, and all kinds of horse cosmetics linger.Smells of human sweat persist. The smells of fear

and aggressiveness hover readiness to engage

in a ght to the last ounce of energy for the dream

of being the best.

It is drizzling. Big She put her own coat over me.

Little She is dazed but concentrated on the goal,

believing and not believing we can place.

So many beautiful, well-bred horses, expensive

saddles, so much money spent! Big shot trainers

strut like kings surrounded by courtiers. Such a

big place lled with important, experienced peo-

ple; then there was us. A big boost to our morale

came when we realized Kathy ew from Europe

to be with us.

We were scheduled to ride in the evening. Eve-

ning became night. Everything was running

behind schedule. It started raining. A rider always

warms up the horse for at least twenty minutes

before ride time; there was no place to do it. Big

She takes her coat and drapes it over my behind

so that my big muscles do not cramp when I start

the strenuous moves. We are standing in the dark

under the drizzle. Nine p.m. Before a challenging

event, I like to give kisses with my upper lip and

nose. So I do that in quick succession. Big She

kisses me back on the nose. Then our show num-

ber is announced over the P.A. system.

From the dark, we walk (or, more exactly, we

oat), as if in a dream, toward the brightly-lit

arena, huge and empty, waiting for me, My Silver

Daydream.

Then, still in a dream, one movement at the time

we give our all. Let it never end! It did anyway...

We are back in the dark of the night waiting forresults. Three different judges scored each of my

moves. Their scores would be averaged and that

will be my nal score.

First, the nations top ten horses are announced.

Yes! We are one of them! That is more than most

predicted for us. Then they posted the scores.

One judge thought we were the best. Unbelievable!

Another did not like metoo small, no big move-

ment, the usual. Well, I am not a Warmblood cross.The third judge liked most of my performance.

The difference in average scores was just a few

points. We placed third. Totally unbelievable!

Little She and the rest of us are stunned. I grew

a few inches and tried to convey to Big She, Little

She and Kathy: Believe in me. Give me a chance.

Next time I will be in the rst place.

I reared. I danced and pranced. Big She got con-

cerned I would colic from excitement, but I did not

Everybody fussed over us. We even got an invitation

to come and do a demonstration at the Kentucky

Horse Park. It is like an Oscar for people in the

movies. All the famous horses are honored there.

On the way back we were still so excited. We took

our time. We took detours, visited Grand Can-

yon, and Indian reservations in Arizona and New

Mexico. We crossed the desert and mountains, got


32/43


stuck in Friday night rush hour in Sacramento,

and I was rather sorry when we reached Oregon.

Have you ever known anybody who worked so

very hard to achieve a goal?

Have you ever wanted something so much that

you were ready to give it your all?

Do you feel you could?

Work and more work. Sometimes feeling I cannot

try harder but I could and I did! Finally here I am,

preparing for the Canadian Nationals.

We have more condence than we had for the

Kentucky Nationals. This event is, if it is pos-

sible, even bigger and fancier. Famous Canadian

Mounties would there to be the honor guard for

the Queen or King. A big televised show was

planned for the winners with cameras everywhere;

owers and decorations, too. It is like a fairy tale.

It is so fancy that ferriers wear black tuxedos and

arrive to the arena in Mercedes Benz or other

super fancy cars to check horseshoes.

It is evening again. We are waiting to be called

to do the test. A big beautiful horse from Spruce

Meadows, an internationally-known horse barn,

was before me. That is bad! I will look smaller

and less impressive entering the arena, while he

looks exciting. Kathy is not with us; it was too

long a trip for her. Just Big She, Little She and me

- our tight little family. This will make us a tight,

inseparable team forever!

First, we are doing the forth level test, similar to

the one we did in Kentucky.

We are almost last to go in. What if judges are

tired and irritable?

Our turn nally arrives. It is so quiet that you

could hear the pen on the paper as the scribes

started writing the comments of judges. One step

at the time. Just concentrate on this one step, for-

getting the past and future. Stay with the present

move, do the same for the next and the next. Then

stop and salute. It is over.

After waiting for the results, the good news is that

we made the top ten!!!!

The placement judges are still comparing notes.

Results: Fourth level, rst place: the giant from

Spruce Meadows. We got second place. Great!

But I want the rst place.

We have one more test to go - a harder one: Prix

St. Gorge, an FEI test.

I will die! I cannot wait

Documents

Biography Book 2