Bouncing Back: The Neuroscience of Resilience and Well-Being
Esalen Institute April 11-13, 2014
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Bouncing Back The Neuroscience of Resilience and Well-Being
Linda Graham, MFT [email protected] www.lindagraham-mft.net
415-924-7765
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All the world is full of suffering. It is also full of
overcoming. - Helen Keller
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Resilience Deal with challenges and crises Bounce back from
adversity Recover our balance and equilibrium Find refuges and
maximize resources Cope skillfully, flexibly, adaptively Shift
perspectives, open to possibilities, create options, find meaning
and purpose
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6 Cs of Coping Calm Compassion Clarity Connections to Resources
Competence Courage
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Practices to Accelerate Brain Change Presence primes
receptivity of brain Intention/choice activates plasticity
Perseverance creates and installs change
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Neuroscience of Resilience Neuroscience technology is 20 years
old Meditation shifts mood and perspective; impacts immune system
and gene expression Oxytocin can calm a panic attack in less than a
minute Kindness and comfort, early on, protects against later
stress, trauma, psychopathology
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Neuroplasticity Growing new neurons Strengthening synaptic
connections Myelinating pathways faster processing Creating and
altering brain structure and circuitry Organizing and re-organizing
functions of brain structures
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The brain is shaped by experience. And because we have a choice
about what experiences we want to use to shape our brain, we have a
responsibility to choose the experiences that will shape the brain
toward the wise and the wholesome. - Richard J. Davidson, PhD
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The field of neuroscience is so new, we must be comfortable not
only venturing into the unknown but into error. - Richard Mendius,
M.D.
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Evolutionary legacy Genetic templates Family of origin
conditioning Norms-expectations of culture-society Who we are and
how we cope. is not our fault.
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Given neuroplasticity And choices of self-directed
neuroplasticity Who we are and how we cope is our
responsibility
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Conditioning Experience causes neurons to fire Repeated
experiences, repeated neural firings Neurons that fire together
wire together Strengthen synaptic connections Connections stabilize
into neural pathways Conditioning is neutral, wires positive and
negative
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Pre-Frontal Cortex Executive center of higher brain Evolved
most recently makes us human Development kindled in relationships
Matures the latest 25 years of age Evolutionary masterpiece CEO of
resilience
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Functions of Pre-Frontal Cortex Regulate body and nervous
system Quell fear response of amygdala Manage emotions Attunement
felt sense of feelings Empathy making sense of expereince Insight
and self-knowing Response flexibility
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Mechanisms of Brain Change Conditioning New Conditioning
Re-Conditioning De-Conditioning
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New Conditioning Choose new experiences Positive emotions,
resonant relationships, self- compassion, self-acceptance Create
new learning, new memory Encode new wiring Install new pattern of
response
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Re-conditioning Light up neural networks Juxtapose old negative
with new positive De-consolidation - re-consolidation New rewires
old
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Modes of Processing Focused Tasks and details Self-referential
New conditioning and re-conditioning De-focused Default network
Mental play space De-conditioning
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De-Conditioning De-focusing Loosens grip Creates mental play
space Plane of open possibilities New insights, new behaviors
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Kindness is more important than wisdom, And the recognition of
that is the beginning of wisdom. - Theodore Rubin
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Hand on the Heart Touch Deep breathing Positive Emotions Brakes
on survival responses Oxytocin safety and trust Relationships as
resources
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A single exposure to oxytocin can create a lifelong change in
the brain. - Sue Carter, PhD
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Keep Calm and Carry On Serenity is not freedom from the storm
but peace amidst the storm. - author unknown
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Window of Tolerance SNS explore, play, create, produce. OR
Fight-flight-freeze Baseline physiological equilibrium Calm and
relaxed, engaged and alert WINDOW OF TOLERANCE Relational and
resilient Equanimity PNS inner peace, serenity. OR Numb out,
collapse
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Hand on the Heart Touch Deep breathing Positive Emotions Brakes
on survival responses Oxytocin safety and trust Relationships as
resources
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Oxytocin Hormone of safety and trust, bonding and belonging,
calm and connect Brains direct and immediate antidote to stress
hormone cortisol Can pre-empt stress response altogether
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Calm through the Body Hand on the Heart Body Scan Progressive
Muscle Relaxation Movement Opposite
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Calm Friendly Body Scan Awareness Breathing gently into tension
Hello! and gratitude Release tension, reduce trauma
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Progressive Muscle Relaxation Body cannot be tense and relaxed
at the same time Tense for 7 seconds, relax for 15 Focused
attention calms the mind
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Calm through Movement Body inhabits posture of difficult
emotion (40 seconds Body moves into opposite posture (40 seconds)
Body returns to first posture (20 seconds) Body returns to second
posture (20 seconds) Body finds posture in the middle (30 seconds
Reflect on experience
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Mindfulness and Empathy Awareness of whats happening (and our
reactions to whats happening) Acceptance of whats happening (and
our reactions to whats happening) Two most powerful agents of brain
change known to science
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Mindfulness Comes to West Mindfulness: Focused attention on
present moment experience without judgment or resistance. - Jon
Kabat-Zinn Attention and allowing Awareness and acceptance
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Mindfulness Pause, become present Notice and name Step back,
dis-entangle, reflect Catch the moment; make a choice Shift
perspectives; shift states Discern options Choose wisely let go of
unwholesome, cultivate wholesome
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Notice and Name Thoughts as thoughts Patterns of thoughts as
patterns of thoughts Cascades of emotions as cascades of emotions
States of mind as states of mind Belief systems and identities as
Mental contents, patterns of neural firing
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Between a stimulus and a response there is a space. In that
space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our
growth and our freedom. The last of human freedoms is to choose
ones attitude in any given set of circumstances. - Viktor Frankl,
Austrian psychiatrist, survivor of Auschwitz
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Autobiography in Five Short Chapters Portia Nelson I I walk
down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk I fall in. I
am lostI am helpless It isnt my fault. It takes me forever to find
a way out.
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II I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the
sidewalk. I pretend I dont see it. I fall in again. I cant believe
Im in the same place But, it isnt my fault. It still takes a long
time to get out.
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III I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the
sidewalk. I see it is there. I still fall inits a habit My eyes are
open, I know where I am. It is my fault. I get out
immediately.
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IV I walk down the same street There is a deep hole in the
sidewalk. I walk around it. V I walk down another street. -Portia
Nelson
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This is what our brains are wired for: reaching out to and
interacting with others. These are design features, not flaws.
These social adaptations are central to making us the most
successful species on earth. - Matthew Lieberman, PhD Social: Why
Our Brains Are Wired To Connect
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The roots of resilience are to be found in the felt sense of
being held in the mind and heart of an empathic, attuned, and
self-possessed other. - Diana Fosha, PhD To see and be seen: that
is the questions, and that is the answer. - Ken Benau, PhD
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Resonance Circuit Resonance vibe, emotional contagion
Attunement felt sense, explicit, non-verbal Empathy verbal,
cognitive, coherent narrative Compassion concern, caring, help
Acceptance pre-requisite for resilience and lasting change
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Neuroscience of Empathy Emotional communication is 93%
non-verbal Social engagement system Dyadic regulation Vagal brake
Fusiform gyrus regulates amygdala Restores equilibrium
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Ah, the comfort, The inexpressible comfort Of feeling safe with
a person. Having neither to weigh out thoughts Nor words, But
pouring them all right out, just as they are, Chaff and grain
together; Certain that a faithful hand Will take them and sift
them; Keeping what is worth keeping and, With the breath of
kindness, Blow the rest away. - Dinah Craik
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The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am,
then I can change. - Carl Rogers
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Integration Reflection See clearly Resonance Embrace
wholeheartedly
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Compassion Respond to pain or suffering with an open heart, an
interested mind, and a natural willingness to help. Open to
experience, activate care-giving, prime ourselves to act Left shift
in brain more neural activity in left hemisphere approach stance
toward experience Overcome negativity bias; become more optimistic,
more flexible, better resources, better able to find solutions
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Self-Compassion Threat-protection system Cortisol driven
Pleasure-reward system Dopamine driven Caregiving-soothing-comfort
system Oxytocin driven Paul Gilbert, The Compassionate Mind
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Self-Compassion Notice this is a moment of suffering Ouch! This
hurts. What would be comforting here? What would be helpful? Open
to larger perspective My pain is the pain Im not the only one; Im
not alone
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Mindful Self-Compassion Awareness of whats happening (and our
reaction to whats happening) Acceptance of whats happening (and
acceptance of our reaction) Brain stays plastic, open to
learning
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The Guest House - Rumi This being human is a guest-house. Every
morning a new arrival. A joy, a depression, a meanness, Some
momentary awareness come As an unexpected visitor. Welcome and
entertain them all! Even if theyre a crowd of sorrows, who
violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still, treat
each guest honorably.
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He may be clearing you out for some new delight. The dark
thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing, and
invite them in. Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has
been sent as a guide from beyond. - Rumi
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Self-Compassion Break Notice-recognize: this is a moment of
suffering Ouch! This hurts! This is hard! Pause, breathe, hand on
heart or cheek Oh sweetheart! Self-empathy Of course this is
painful, and Im not the only one; Im not alone Drop into calm; hold
moment with awareness; breathe in compassion and care May I be free
of suffering and the causes of suffering Share experience with
resonant other
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Seeing Ourselves as Others See Us Imagine sitting across from
someone who loves you unconditionally Imagine switching places with
them; see yourself as they see you; feel why they love you and
delight in you; take in the good Imagine being yourself again;
taking in the love and affection coming to you; savor and
absorb.
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Deep Listening The most basic and powerful way to connect to
another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most
important thing we ever give each other is our attention.A loving
silence often has far more power to heal and to connect than the
most well-intentioned words. - Rachel Naomi Remen, M.D.
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Deep Listening Listener asks speaker the question. Speaker
answers honestly. The speaker answers the repeating question for
several rounds, deepening his/her understanding of his/her
experience. Listener and speaker switch roles. Take a few moments
to share reflections on the experience.
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Questions for Deep Listening What brings you joy in your life?
What has brought you sorrow? What worries you now? When have you
found courage in dark times? What are you grateful for? What are
you proud of?
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Clarity It is not the strongest of the species that survives,
nor the most intelligent. It is the one that is the most adaptive
to change. - Charles Darwin Every moment brings a choice, and every
choice has an impact. Julia Butterfly Hill
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Mindfulness of Patterns Thoughts as thoughts Patterns of
thoughts as patterns of thoughts Cascades of emotions as cascades
of emotions States of mind as states of mind Belief systems and
identities as Mental contents, patterns of neural firing
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Cues to Practice - ANTS to PATS Identify habitual negative
pattern of response Identify new, positive response to
counter/replace Identify cue word or phrase to break automaticity
and change the channel Practice using the old pattern as a cue to
use the cue word or phrase to trigger the new pattern. Repeat the
practice as many times as necessary
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Modes of Processing Focused Tasks and details Self-referential
New conditioning and re-conditioning De-focused Default network
Mental play space De-conditioning
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Mindfulness Dissolves the Stuff of Self Quantum physics
investigates matter Matter is more space than stuff Mindfulness
investigates I Self is not static or fixed; is ever-changing,
ever-unfolding True Self is flow of beingness
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Rest in Simply Being Awareness of Awareness Insights,
epiphanies, revelations Wisdom teaches me I am nothing. Love
teaches me I am everything. Between the two, my life flows. - Sri
Nisargadatta
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Pre-Frontal Cortex Toggles back and forth between focused and
defocused modes of processing Integration of two modes; integration
of right and left hemispheres, integration of higher and lower
brain Deeper brain functioning; brain itself more reslient
Brahma Viharas Loving Kindness Compassion Sympathetic Joy
Equanimity
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Connections to Resources People Love guards the heart from the
abyss. - Mozart Places I rest in the grace of the world. Berry
Practices As an irrigator guides water to his field, as an archer
aims an arrow, as a carpenter carves wood, the wise shape their
lives. - Buddha
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Positive Emotions-Behaviors Brain hard-wired to notice and
remember negative and intense more than positive and subtle; how we
survive as individuals and as a species Leads to tendency to avoid
experience Positive emotions activate left shift, brain is more
open to approaching experience, learning, and action
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Positive Emotions GratitudeAweGenerosity CompassionDelight
Serenity Love Curiosity Kindness Joy Trust
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Positive Emotions Less stress, anxiety, depression, loneliness
More friendships, social support, collaboration Shift in
perspectives, more optimism More creativity, productivity Better
health, better sleep Live on average 7-9 years longer
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A hundred times every day, I remind myself that my inner and
outer life depend on the labors of other people, and that I must
exert myself in order to give in the same measure as I have
received and am still receiving. - Albert Einstein
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Gratitude 2-minute free write Gratitude journal Gratitude buddy
Carry love and appreciation in your wallet
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Circle of Support Call to mind people who have been supportive
of you; who have had your back Currently, in the past, in
imagination Imagine them gathered around you, or behind you,
lending you their faith in you, and their strengths in coping
Imagine your circle of support present with you as you face
difficult people or situations
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Positivity Portfolio Ask 10 friends to send cards or e-mails
expressing appreciation of you Assemble phrases on piece of paper
Tape to bathroom mirror or computer monitor, carry in wallet or
purse Read phrases 3 times a day for 30 days Savor and
appreciate
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Take in the Good Notice: in the moment or in memory Enrich: the
intensity, duration, novelty, personal relevance, multi-modality
Absorb: savor 10-20-30 seconds, felt sense in body
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The Peace of Wild Things When despair for the world grows in me
and I wake in the night at the least sound in fear of what my life
and my childrens lives may be, I go and lie down where the wood
drake rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.
I come into the peace of wild things who do not tax their lives
with forethought of grief. I come into the presence of still water.
And I feel above me the day-blind stars waiting with their light.
For a time I rest in the grace of the world, and am free. - Wendell
Berry
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One summer night, out on a flat headland, all but surrounded by
the waters of the bay, the horizons were remote and distant rims on
the edge of space. Millions of stars blazed in darkness, and on the
far shore a few lights burned in cottages. Otherwise there was no
reminder of human life. My companion and I were alone with the
stars: the misty river of the Milky Way flowing across the sky, the
patterns of the constellations standing out bright and clear, a
blazing planet low on the horizon. It occurred to me that if this
were a sight that could be seen only once in a century, this little
headland would be thronged with spectators. But it can be seen many
scores of night in any year, and so the lights burned in the
cottages and the inhabitants probably gave not a thought to the
beauty overhead; and because they could see it almost any night,
perhaps they never will. - Rachel Carson
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Places as Resources Nature as refuge re-Source Nature is our
biology, our being We can create and notice shifts in
perspective
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Shifting Perspectives in Nature BELLY BOTANY Find a one square
foot patch of earth. Observe for two minutes. (light and shadow,
movement and stillness, beauty and decay, life and death) Shift
your view to the larger landscape, all the way to the horizon.
Reflect on shift in perspective.
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People as Resources At times our own light goes out and is
rekindled by the spark from another person. Each of us has cause to
think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame
within us. - Albert Schweitzer
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True Other to True Self The roots of resilience are to be found
in the felt sense of being held in the heart and mind of an
empathic, attuned, and self-possessed other. - Diana Fosha,
PhD
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Attachment Styles - Secure Parenting is attuned, empathic,
responsive, comforting, soothing, helpful Attachment develops
safety and trust, and inner secure base Stable and flexible focus
and functioning Open to learning inner secure base provides buffer
against stress, trauma, and psychopathology
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Insecure-Avoidant Parenting is indifferent, neglectful, or
critical, rejecting Attachment is compulsively self-reliant Stable,
but not flexible Focus on self or world, not others or emotions
Rigid, defensive, not open to learning Neural cement
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Insecure-Anxious Parenting is inconsistent, unpredictable
Attachment is compulsive caregiving Flexible, but not stable Focus
on other, not on self-world, Less able to retain learning Neural
swamp
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Disorganized Parenting is frightening or abusive, or parent is
checked out, not there Attachment is fright without solution Lack
of focus Moments of dissociation Compartmentalization of
trauma
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Coherent Narrative This is what happened. This is what I did.
This has been the cost. This is what I learned. This is what I
would do differently going forward.
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Welcome Them All Wiser Self welcomes to the party characters
that embody positive and negative parts of the self with curiosity
and acceptance of the message or gift of each part and honors each
part of the inner committee
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Shame De-Rails Resilience Shame is the intensely painful
feeling or experience of believing we are flawed and therefore
unworthy of acceptance and belonging. Shame erodes the part of
ourselves that believes we are capable of change. We cannot change
and grow when we are in shame, and we cant use shame to change
ourselves or others. - Brene Brown, PhD
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Love makes your soul crawl out of its hiding place. - Zora
Neale Hurston Love guards the heart from the abyss. - Mozart
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Just that action of paying attention to ourselves, that I care
enough about myself, that I am worthy enough to pay attention to,
starts to unlock some of those deep beliefs of unworthiness at a
deeper level in the brain. - Elisha Goldstein
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Reconditioning Memory de-consolidation re-consolidation Light
up neural networks of problematic memory Cause neural networks to
fall apart temporarily and instantly rewire by: Juxtaposing
positive memory that directly contradicts or disconfirms; Focused
attention on juxtaposition of both memories held in simultaneous
dual awareness Causes the falling apart and the rewiring
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Reconditioning Anchor in present moment awareness Resource with
acceptance and goodness Start with small negative memory Light up
the networks Evoke positive memory that contradicts or disconfirms
Simultaneous dual awareness (or toggle) Refresh and strengthen
positive Let go of negative Rest in, savor positive Reflect on
shifts in perspective
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Wished for Outcome Evoke memory of what did happen Imagine new
behaviors, new players, new resolution Hold new outcome in
awareness, strengthening and refreshing Notice shift in perspective
of experience, of self
Forgiveness - I For the many ways that I have hurt and harmed
myself, that I have betrayed or abandoned myself, out of fear,
pain, and confusion, through action or inaction, in thought, word
or deed, knowingly or unknowingly I extend a full and heartfelt
forgiveness. I forgive myself. I forgive myself.
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Forgiveness - II For the ways that I have hurt and harmed you,
have betrayed or abandoned you, caused you suffering, knowingly or
unknowingly, out of my pain, fear, anger, and confusion I ask for
your forgiveness, I ask for your forgiveness.
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Forgiveness - III For the many ways that others have hurt,
wounded, or harmed me, out of fear, pain, confusion, and anger I
have carried this pain in my heart long enough. To the extent that
I am ready, I offer you forgiveness. To those who have caused me
harm, I offer my forgiveness, I forgive you.
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Forgiveness is not an occasional act; It is a permanent
attitude. -Martin Luther King, Jr.
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Practices to Accelerate Brain Change Presence primes
receptivity of brain Intention/choice activates plasticity
Perseverance creates and installs change
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Presence To be present is far from trivial. It may be the
hardest work in the world. And forget about the may be. It is the
hardest work in the world at least to sustain presence. And the
most important. - Jon Kabat-Zinn
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Intention And the day came when the risk it took To stay tight
inside the bud Was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. -
Anais Nin
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Perseverance How long should you try? Until. - Jim Rohn The
difference between try and triumph is a little umph. author unknown
The greatest oak was once a little nut that held its ground. Author
unknown
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Competence Bodily felt sense of Sure I can! Based on previous
competence No matter what, no matter how small Ownership
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Learning Model Unconscious Incompetence Conscious Incompetence
Conscious Competence Unconscious Competence
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How to Create a New Habit Identify new behavior you want to
cultivate Identify reward for new behavior; how will you sense that
reward in your body? Identify first five seconds of new behavior
Identify cue to begin the first five seconds of behavior
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Find the Gift in the Mistake Regrettable Moment Teachable
Moment Whats Right with this Wrong? Whats the Lesson? Whats the Cue
to Act Differently? Find the Gift in the Mistake
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Courage Its as wrong to deny the possible As it is to deny the
problem. - Dennis Seleeby
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Courage A ship is safe in harbor, but thats not what ships are
for. - Grace Hopper Yes, risk-taking is inherently failure-prone.
Otherwise, it would be called sure thing-taking - Tim McMahon
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Do One Scary Thing a Day Venture into New or Unknown Somatic
marker of Uh, oh Dopamine disrupted Cross threshold into new
Satisfaction, mastery Dopamine restored
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I am no longer afraid of storms, For I am learning how to sail
my ship. - Louisa May Alcott
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Human Brain: Evolutionary Masterpiece 100 billion neurons Each
neuron contains the entire human genome Neurons fire hundreds of
time per second Neurons connect to 5,000-7,000 other neurons
Trillions of synaptic connections As many connections in single
cubic centimeter of brain tissue as stars in Milky Way galaxy
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Brain Care Is Self Care Sleep Nutrition Movement-Exercise
Laughter Learn Something New Hanging Out with Healthy Brains
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Sleep Housekeeping Reset nervous system Consolidate learning
Take mental breaks
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How to Sleep Well Stick to a sleep schedule Pay attention to
what you eat and drink Create a bedtime ritual Get comfortable
Limit daytime naps Include physical activity in your daily routine
Manage stress - Mayo Clinic
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Take Mental Breaks Focus on something else (positive is good)
Talk to someone else (resonant is good) Move-walk somewhere else
(nature is good) Avoid adrenal fatigue
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Nutrition Less Caffeine Less Sugar More Protein
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Movement - Exercise Oxygen brain is 2% of body weight, uses 20%
of bodys oxygen Endorphins feel good hormones, brighten the mind
Brain-Derived Neurotrophic Factor (BDNF) - grow new brain cells,
will migrate to where needed
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Laughter Increases oxygen and blood flow, reduces risk of heart
disease and stroke Releases endorphins bodys natural pain killer
Reduces stress hormone cortisol, lowers blood pressure Triggers
catecholamines, heightens alertness in brain Releases tension in
body, balances nervous system
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Laughter Promotes work productivity Reduces stress Promotes
creativity and problem-solving Reduces mistakes, increases
efficiency Promotes group cohesion Promotes learning (through play)
Eases loss, grief, trauma
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How to Promote Laughter Humor A person without a sense of humor
is like a wagon without springs jolted by every pebble in the road.
- Henry Ward Beecher Play Play, in short, prepares the brain to
handle the unexpected. Lee Alan Dugatkin Playful resonance Laughter
is the closest distance between two people. Victor Borge
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Laughter Yoga Let yourself laugh for 5-15 minutes, Gently at
first, then relaxing into a deep belly laugh Happy baby pose (dead
bug pose) Lying on the floor with your head in someone elses lap;
someone elses head in your lap
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Learn Something New Speak a foreign language Play a musical
instrument Juggle Play chess
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Hanging Out with Healthy Brains Brain is social organ; matures
and learns best in interactions with other brains Social engagement
regulates nervous system Resonant interactions prime the brains
neuroplasticity; promotes learning and growth
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Sharing Your World View Work with a partner Choose a card(s)
from the World View deck, one each for Self, Other, the World Ask
the questions on your cards of your partner Answer the questions
your partner asks you Reflect on the process of exploring/sharing
together
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Bouncing Back The Neuroscience of Resilience and Well-Being
Linda Graham, MFT [email protected] www.lindagraham-mft.net
415-924-7765