Osher Lifelong Learning InstituteOctober 14, 2015

Cindy Petitt

Bridging the Great Gender

Divide

Agenda

Is There Really a Difference . . . Due Diligence

So What?!

What Are the DifferencesYou Tell Me

What the “Experts” Say

Implications and What To Do

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Same or Different?

We are more alike than different

One small difference can have a big impact

Context Matters

The Big Debate – Nature vs Nurture

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INTERPRETING DIFFERENCES

Many Men and Women are Similar Many Men and Women are Quite Different

Averages are different N

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ple

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So What

• It’s Fun To Talk About it

• Awareness Opens the Door to Understanding

• It is the Basis of Conscious and Unconscious Bias

• It Leads to Lots of Misunderstanding and Frustration

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Men and Women in Separate Groups – Part I

What Are The Differences?

• How are men and women different? Two boxes:

• What does it mean to: “Act like a man?”

• What does it mean to: “Act like a woman?”

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What Are The Differences?

Act like a Woman Box Act Like a Man Box

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Men and Women in Separate Groups – Part II

What Are The Differences?

• How do you feel most misunderstood by other group?

• What are most significant challenges of being in your group?

• What do you find most challenging about other group?

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Differences –What Do The Experts Say? More than 100 differences in brains of men and women – where blood flows,

structure, neural networks, hormones

Men have:• Larger amygdala

• Smaller hippocampus •More complex spatial centers •More gray matter

Women have:•Larger Hippocampus •More pre-frontal cortex brain cells •Larger language centers in both hemispheres and 40% more connections to emotional centers •More white matter

Many differences stem from pre-historic gender roles

Scientific evidence of differences is substantial

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Women Men

Brain Centers Verbal, Memory, Life Experiences –Focus on words emotions, observations – constantly reassessing, personalizingLet’s Talk – I want to know how you feel

SpatialFocus on objects and actions – don’t remember, don’t pick up signalsLet’s Not – I want to go for a run

Information Processing

Across Brain CentersMulti-taskExplore all possibilities, context, implicationsSee patterns and connect dotsStore memory in more parts of brain

Within One CenterOne task at a time – Focused ActionIsolate situations to problem-solveKeep conversations on pointIsolate key points-focus on most important

Chemistry Oxytocin, Serotonin, ProlactinCalming, Bonding, Stimulating Tear GlandsAccept Blame

TestosteroneAggression, Territorial, CompetitiveDeflect Blame

Rest States Never – 30% more blood flow in woman’s brainsOverwhelmed

OftenZoned Out

Brain Differences Create Gender Differences

Differences

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“You’re Not Listening” – It’s Not Personal

The Brain at Rest*

Female Brain Male Brain

Women Talk with Long Preambles and Closings

Men Have a Word Limit Threshold Before Brain Shuts Down

Speech PatternsPreamble Content Closing

Females _______________I________I_______________Males __I_________I___

Advice for Women: To Be Heard, Be ConciseAdvice for Men: To Hear, Stay Awake

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Women Men

Words Use more words • Feel disrespected when the listener is not paying attention• May talk more to regain attention• Too many words may feel like micromanagement

Use fewer words.• Feel disrespected when a person is wordy• When their word limit(for listening) is reached they will interrupt, be

distracted, zone out or become irritable.• Information shared is often vague

Criticism Criticize themselves• To bond by minimizing differences and making another person

feel better about their mistakes

Criticize others• To deflect negative feelings and establish status as a

form of competition

Action Drivers Are process oriented • Slow down to think through actions • Focus on the how• Self esteem tied to relationships,

doing it all-perfectly.

Are goal oriented• Rush to complete task • Focus on the what• Self-esteem tied to status, strength, quality

Accomplishments Ask questions about accomplishments ofothers to provide support

Talk about their own accomplishments• To position themselves competitively

Expression of Emotions

Are typically most emotional about family and relationships Are typically most emotional about sports or other competitive activity

Impact of Stress Are shut down. Stress stymies them and blocks learning. “Tend and Befriend”

Are revved up. Stress stimulates them andenhances their learning.

“Fight and flight”

Negotiations Use a more relationship and deliberate approachPersuade with emotional appeal (e.g., guilt)

Use a more aggressive and abrupt approachPersuade with data

Differences

Bonding-Competition Differences Play Out in Many Ways

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Body Language, Voice Differences and Communication Style Can Affect Confidence

Women Men

Nod means she is listening Nod means he agrees

Condense space – elbows to side and legstightly crossed.

Expand space – stretch out arms and legs

Sound more emotional because they use five tones when speaking – so there is more voice variation. Women talk faster, peak more softly and hear better than men.

Sound more commanding and confident because use only 3 tones, and have deeper and louder voice. Men talk assertively. They are more successful in taking and maintaining the flour.

Communication style reflects focus more on relationship than clarity and task.

Communication style reflects focus more on clarity and task than relationship

Body language is likely to emphasize enthusiasm and inclusion

Body language is likely to emphasize composure and stature. They use more commanding gestures and hold their heads straight.

Faces are expressive and they establish eye contact and tilt their heads to show interest.

Minimize facial expressions

Differences

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How it is defined . . .

Differences In How Love is Experienced

Saying “I Love You”

Women

MenWomen = Attachment

Men = Lust and Infatuation

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Differences - EYES

MENWOMEN

I don’t see any clutter . . . I didn’t even see

that garage door . . .

Different proportion of whites

Better peripheralVision, easier to connect and see what isgoing on around you

Better tunnel vision, easier to see straightahead and at long distance

Vision illustration from Why Men Don’t Listen & Women Can’t Read Maps by Allan & Barbara Pease

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Now that you know, what willyou do differently?

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Comments, Questions?

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If you think of something later, feel free to ask: cpetitt@mac.com