Bring Back the Family (1979)

8/13/2019 Bring Back the Family (1979)

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Every normal human being wants o be warm, well-fed,comfort'able, protected and oved. We all want to live in an understand-ing, warm, charitable, protective environment. The family unitought to be just such an environment. But, instead of being ahaven or ow young people-a place of sanctuary, warmth andrefuge-the Western home s too often the scene of alcoholism,bitter hostility, toxic human elations, and even brutal fights andbeatings. The very fabric of our civilization s in mortalieopardy.These articles contain nformationon many acets of family ife.Theyare not, however, ntended o be a complete guide o solv'ing maritaland child-rearing roblems. But they do contain some

very sound advice on how to bring back the family.


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THENUCLEAR AMILY-Will t survive he 2oth century?66I .rHrNK marr iage s a sor t of

I dead end," a senior co l legeIcoed stated. "l have seen somany couples who were very happywhen they were ust living together.Then they decided to get married,and after that things really got to bea drag . don ' t know wh1 ' . . . . I th inkif Bill and I u 'ere married. we wouldtake each other for granted. Now wereallr appreciate each other and we

both regard our relationship s a veryprecious hing. \\ 'e wouldn't want tospuil it b1 getting married, and I 'mafraid that 's *hat 's going o happen.So as lon-s s \.\ 'e re happy the way\re Jre . I don ' t see an 'po in t to get-t ing marr ied ."

This coed s t1 pical ol thousands fyoung people u 'ho have abandoned. ' : :dea of a t rad i t ional amily ar-:i:gement in favor of just living to-gether. She and her counterpar tsc lear l l i l lus tra te he chal lenges hat

lace marriage and the iamily. Today,srxiologists and others question heneed or an institution ike marriage,and are seriously earching or viablealternatives o the traditional familysetup. Every year t seems ew ideasare introduced by the avant garde,and many would ike to do away withthe nuclear amily altogether.The Nuclear Family Defined. Butwhat is a "nuclear family," anyway?In the past, a family consisted f afather, a mother, children, grandpar-ents, and an assortment of aunts,uncles and other related dependents.Today, sociologists efer to this largegroup of relatives iving under thesame oof or in the same general e-gion as an "extended amily." How-ever. as more and more amilies movein to smaller s ingle-family dwell ingunits or move hundreds r thousandsc-rf iles arrav from their closest ela-tites to pursue ob opportunities, he: , .s . ib i l i t ies or l iv ing n such an ex-tcnded- amily s i tua t ion narrow.Grandparents re sent o "retirement

by Brian Knowles

homes" and singles ind their ownapartments. After this exodus, whatremains s the basic "nuclear fami-ly"-husband, wife and children.

The extended family used to pro-vide a great deal of stability andemotional support for its members.Children were exposed o a variety ofadults after whom they could patternthemselves. elationships ere morediverse, and therefore less intense.

Family members didn ' t expect asmuch from each other emotionally.But in the nuclear family, membersoften ,eel rapped n an extremely n-tense ituation where a few individu-als are expected o provide all of thelove , companionship , support andgratification which formerly camefrom a great variety of sources. am-i ly members of ten tend to crackunder such severe train. Husbands,wives and children go their separateways, coming "home" only to sleep

and refuel. The nuclear amily thus smore fragile than the traditional ex-tended amily.

Where then is the family as an in-stitution headed? Will it survive hiscentury-or wi l l i t u l t imate l l ' be-come obsolete?Charges Against the Family. If cer-tain antifamily thinkers have theirway, that is exactly what will hap-pen-and rapidly. Mervy'n Cadwal-lader writes: "Contemporar mar-riage s a wretched nstitution. t spellsthe end of voluntary affection. f lovefreely given and joyousll ' received.Beautiful romances are transmittedinto dull marriages: ventualll ' the e-lationship becomes onstrictive. or-ros ive , gr inding and destruc t ive"("Changing Social Mores." Current,February 967,p . 48) .

Those who encourage al ternatelife-styles regard the institution ofmarriage and the contemporary am-i ly re la t ionship as obsole te . out-moded and ust plain decadent. Th efamily, they sa1'. as few redeeming

e 1977 Ambassador Col legeAll Rights Reserved

features. They charge the typicalfamily with being he pr imary causa-tive agent n the creation of neurotichuman beings, They also charge itwith being hopelessly igid and con-fining n terms of limited role models.Husbands, wives and children alikeare constrained o follow certain pre-ordained, inflexible patterns whichare said to be constricting.

Traditional marriage imits legiti-

mate sexual activity to one's legalmate, and some consider his bothunreasonable nd unnecessary n asocia l ly and technologica l ly ad-vanced society.

But are hese omplaints alid? t iscertainly true that too many mar-riages re constricting, rinding, cor-rosive nd destructive. t is becomingincreasingly ifficult o find blissfullyhappy marriages which are function-ing at an optimum level n every re-spect. And overfamiliarity does often

breed contempt within the family.Communicat ion between familymembers an easilybecome outine-there 's nothing new o say aflter cer-tain point. When members f a familybecome known quantities" to eachother, every act, every word, everysuggestion ecomes clich6. Life inthe home can become boringly pre-d ic tab le nd unbearably u l l .

So these omplaints by sociologistsand others eally do have some basisin fact. These experts re not ust try-ing to create a family revolution norder to cater to their own anarchis-tic preferences.

But while he charges re not withoutfoundation, t would also be a mistake oassume hat the situation is hopeless.Marital problems re he clear result ofcause-and-effect actors.

The nuclear amily is too valuableas an institution-too much a part ofthe fabric of, human society-to al-low it to slip through our fingerswithout a fight. No one has offered aviable , equal ly pres t ig ious l te rna-

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tive. No sociologist r anthropologisthas arrived at a more satisfactory rsuperiorway n which o structure o-morrow's ocieties. t is clear hat thefamily must emain as he bulwark ofthe social order.Who's to Blame? But who or whatare we to blame or the symptoms f

family break-down nd decay we seeall around us? Is the problemwiththe amily nstitution tself-an insti-tution that has survived early 6,000years of recorded uman experiencewith ncredible iability? s the prob-lem hat people oday are so differentfrom their forebears? r are familyproblems natural esult of changingpatterns n our society?

The fact that many of us now ivein a technologically dvanced ndus-trial society rovides partial expla-

nation,Today's home-at least n the de-veloped ations-is often a marvel ofmodern engineering. ince he In-dustrial Revolution, he principalskill a housewife must possess s theability o push a button or plug a cordinto a wall socket.

The modern housewife eeds ewof the domestic kills of her predeces-sors.No longer s t necessary or herto purchase ood everyday or to pre-serve meat with salt alone. She need

not gather water at the well in thetown square-she simply turns onthe aucet and out t comes. he neednot be nventive when t comes o en-tertaining he children, either. Sh ecan simply lip on the television ndallow it to "babysit" her offspringautomatically. ll of these nd manymore conveniences-irrespective fwhether heyare ntrinsically ood revil--combine o relieve her of thetasks hat formerlymade he homethe ime-consuming ut fulfillingen -vironment t once was.

O. Hobart Mowrer adds his obser-vations of this situation: . . . Theavailability of prepared oods andready-made lothinghas made hedomestic killsof women much lessimportant han hey once were.An dsince we are now moving oward ewrather han many hildren er amily,even childbearing nd the role ofmothering re ess atisfying ndhon-ored.As a result,women ave ncreas-inglysought mployment utside hehome, ften n competition ith and,hopefully,on an equal ooting with

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men. Homemaking nd devotion othe interests f family life have husoften givenway o absorption n a obor profession f some ort, which hascreated onfusion nd conflictwithre-spect o role expectations nd he divi-sion of labor between usbands ndwives" "New Hope nd Help or he

Disintegrating merican Family,"Journal of Family Counseling,Spring 975,p . 9) .

So the Industrial Revolution asdramatically affected radi t ionalmarriage nd amily ife.Can the Nuclear Family Survive?After reading h is overview, nemight be tempted o conclude hatthe nuclear amily has had t" as aninstitution:hat it will never urvivethe twentieth entury. t is true hatthe nUclear amily as t operates o-

day stands n need f reevaluation. tneeds crutiny, tudy and enhance-ment or it willsurely ontinue o failor break down n many cases. t istrue that we need o isolate hosecause-and-effect actors leading tosuch breakdown, nd we must im-prove the educat ion f potent ia lyoungmarrieds n order o arm hemwith knowledge nd understandingThey must be taught what to ex-pect-and not to expect-from mar-riage. They must be taught o bal-

ance pie-in-the-skydealism gainstthe hard ealities f life.But the nuclear amily s far from

ready or extreme nction. While tis in deep rouble, t still remains heonly social nstitution hat truly ful-fills human needs oth organization-ally and emotionally. etty Yorburg,writing n The Changing ami11,, p-timistically predicts the nuclearfamily will not only persist nto thetwenty-first entury, but it will bestronger han ever."

She adds hat "optimalemotionalgratification equires stable, de-pendable ne-to-one elationship e-tween human beings. . . This needfor an enduring nd secure ource femotional ratification . . is a majorreason hy marital pairing elation-shipswill persist n the highly auto-mated America of the fu ture ,although or different easons han nthe past. These elationships ill in-creas ingly e sanct ioned ess bymutual economic ecessity nd con-ceptions f duty than by recognizedpsychologicalecessity."

Yorburg concludes: Marriageand he nuclear amily willcontinueas basic nstitutions n human socie-t ies , funct ioning mperfect ly andinefficiently, nd sometimes malevo-lently, but persevering ecause t isnot possible o come up with any-thing more workable o provide or

the basic motional eeds f humanbeings-young or old" (The Chang-ing Family, Columbia UniversityPress , 973, p . 9 l-194).

Sam Heilig, psychiatric ociaworkerand director of the Los An-gelesSuicidePrevention enter, on-curs. He states hat "only a familyrelationship-complete with mar-riage and kids-can provide peoplewith the constant upport hey need,a sense f belonging . . ." (BellaStumbo, The Lonely Young-Their

IsolationCan Be Deadly," Los An-geles Times, April 28, 1975).It may be said with utter certainty

that he nuclear amily s he best u-man nstitution we have. t really sthe basic buildingblockof any sta-ble, godly society. But times havechanged. he reality of today s dif-ferent from the reality o[ Paul'sday--or Abraham's. echnology aschanged hings. Social values andmores are d ifferent . Today 'swoman-not to ment ion today 's

man-have come a long way fromtheir i st-century ounterparts.Yet human ature emains hat t

always as been. And man s still asocial reature. an needs he stabil-ity provided y the raditional amilysetup. We all need a family basefrom which o launch ur ives.

If we are willing o face he ealityof life in these roubled imes andhonestly ddress urselves o thosevery eal actors hich ead o familybreakdown,here s hope. he amilycan have more meaning nd efficacyas a social nstitution han ever be-fore n history-f we are willing owork at making t successful nd rel-evant o our age and ime.

The family will survive. t hasto.

But whether t survives n a crip-pled form----orwhether t continuesto exist on a transcendentally igherplane than ever before-is entirelyup to those who participate n the n-stitution f the family.

The amily s as good, r as bad, swe make t. n


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THE FUTURE FFAMILY IFE

Family uturis ts re coming p withall types of terms o describe l-

ternatives o the tradit ional amilyunit Words l ike "progressivemonogamy." " intimate net-works," "pair ings," "studentmarriages" re continually oinedto describe l l kindsot new "livingarrangements

Homosexual iaisons, ommu-nal families . group marriages,"pair-bound" rrangements , tc . ,are being aken up as al ternativesby an increasing umber f youngpeople oday

But n he ong un, Biblicalev-elat ion ssures s that he familyhas a bri l l iant , lowing uture onthis earth . ndeed, he extendedfamilyhas a vitaland permanentplace n erms of the uture f hu-man rfe-nof because of the ef-fortsof man, but primarily ue o aloving and compassronate re-ator who ordarned he familyunitin the rrst lace

Notice a specifrc prophecyabout he fabulous uture of the

family"Thus

says he Lord. wil lre turn o Zron, nd willdwell n hemidst of Jerusalem, nd Jerusa-lem shall e cal led he aithful i ty,and the mountain f the Lord ofhosts , the holy mountain Thussays he Lord of hosts Old menand old women shall again si t inthe s treets of Jerusalern, achwith staff n hand for very ageAnd he streets f the crty hall efullof boys and gir lsplayrng n i tsstreets" Zech 8 3-5 RSV)

The growing ullbetween ar-pnia 2n . l nh i l r l ron rc

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f i l ledup and the generatron appermanently losedlMalachr vendescribres foretaste f this uto-pian condit ion ow In our p 'esentage "Behold, wil l endyou Elrlahthe prophet efore he coming ofthe great and dreadful ay ol theLord And he shall urn he heartof the athers o the children, ndthe heart of the children o therrla thers , est come and smite heland witha curse" (Mal 4:5-6)

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Contiar,y o popular opinion, the Bible is a NOW book. lt is,God s revelation to mankind - of the way to happiness,p6eco and prosperity. For more than two decades he Ambas-sador College Correspondence ourse has been helping hou-sands o understand he Bible. This course explains he Bibleby tetting he Bibl e interpret tself. There are twelve monthlylessons of thorough, yet easily understood nstruction - al labsolutely ree. Why not enroll oday? Just send your requestto the addres nearest ou. (See ast page for address.)

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NEGLECTED EYS

TO A JOYOUSMARRIAGEWhy does the honeymoon end so suddenly for many couples? Why do so many marriedpartners simply "coexist" in the same house, but without the deep fulfillment they desire?T TER eyes looded with tears, hell woman before me began to

^ ^shake andsob. Bending over

with her face n her hands, he quiet-l l moaned as she cr ied- l inal lycatching herself , si t t ing upright an duiping her eyes. l have always eal -ized how empt) ' my marriage was,"she blurted out. "But hearing you de -scribe n 1'our alk today what mar-riage ou,eht o be ike makes me real-ize that l 'r 'e ust got to do better inm1'marr iagel"

"\\ 'hat 's urong?" I inquired, ask-ing the question n several different\r 'avs.The Cause of Utter Despair. Therewere. of course. a number of things$rong. But obviously he deepest nd

most pathetic problem of all hadnothing to do with sex, money orother widely publ ic ized stumbl ingblocks o a happy marriage.

"My husband ust won't talk tome." she said again and again . I amIonelr and frustrated . I don't evenreallr know' he man I married. feell ike I 'm l ivingwith a st ranger."

This case s typical of li terally mil-l ionsof marriages. Often, at least on eof the partners hinks that they com-municate. But the other partner, nor-mallr the \loman, knows hat they donot and feels alone and frustrated.She senses hat she and her husbandare simplr coexisting n the samehr.rure. her do not necessarily ightand hurt each other physically oreren verbal l r. But there i s not theJlj '}fiSS.he closeness, he total

'haring of trro lives, the love thatthere should be .

One author i ty on the subjectquord a uoman discussing er ten-1'ear-oldmarriage: l t 's heart-break-

by Roderick C. Meredith

ing. Before was married, I used ogo out to restaurants and just bylooking around the room I could tellwho was married and who wasn't .Either the married couples were eat-ing n dead silence, r the woman wa s

gabbing away while the man ate andpretended she wasn't there. I sworethat this would never happen o me-but i t has."

Why such cases as the above?Why don't husbands nd wives,of allpeople, communicate more fully toone another?Hindrances to Total Shar ing.Newly marrieds often work hard atlearning and adjust ing to eachother 's a t t i tudes and preferences.They take pleasure n exchanging

opinions on almost everything. Aftera few months, however, he opinionsare a l l exchanged, the at t i tudesseemingly understood nd the inter-est and excitement of "gett ing toknow you" is over.

As the marr iage cont inues andchildren come along, he wife's nter-est and talk is increasingly bout herchildren and a myriad of domesticdetails which usually hold i t t le or nointerest or the husband. The coupleoften take for granted each other 'sa t t i tudes on cer ta in topics ra therthan even bother ing to discussthem.

Most husbands care to hear onlygood news about their children, andare either irritated or bored if thewife confides n them the detailedproblems involved in rearing theirfamily. Wives usually miss heir hus-bands most when the children aresmall . Having no adult in the houseto talk to all day, such wives eel anurgent necessity o talk with their

o 1975Worldwide hurch f GodAll Rights Reserved

spouse t night. But many husbandsretreat behind heir paper r quietlyturn on the TV rather han endurewhat hey eel s a boring rehash" fhousehold rustrations.

All of thissounds erynatural ndnormal. Do you see anything wrongwith t?

Perhaps ot .And the reason s that we have

failed utterly n our modern oci etyto teach he real purpose nd mean-ing of marriage.What Marriage Ought o Mean. Afew years go a popular nd beauti-ful song expressed he thought Noman s an s land."

That s exactly ight.Man without a mate, man without

a l ife partner, s incomplete. l-though many individuals-whetherthrough necessity, gnorance orchoice-go through ife deprived fthis relationship, heir lives ack avitalelement.

In the beginning f the Bible Godsays: lt is not good hat the manshould e alone; will make a helpsuitable or him."

Man, hroughout he Bible,meansall humans. And all human beingsneed a partner with whom hey canshare heir triumphs and sorrows,their aughter nd their tears, heirappreciation f a beautiful unset-or the oothless rinof their irstbornchild.They need o share-in fact, obe complete hey must share-theirplans, heir hopes, heir dreams.

Marriage presents challengingconfrontation here man must gobeyond imself nd develop n manyways. He then becomes more ma-ture and understanding humanbeing. f a marriage s reduced o wo


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people merely coexisting, iving un-der the same oof while remainingseparated n their deepest hopes,feelings and aspirations, hen thatmarriage has completely missed tsgoal.Concept of Family Kingdom. An -other mportant element n marriageis that of children. he family s th ebuilding block, he foundation f alldecent ociety. nd the strongest inkin many a family s often ts smallestmember.

There s an old saying: A man'shome s his castle." This analogyshould apply to his entire family,where he s the king,'hiswife, he be-loved queen; and his children theroyal princes and princesses honeed raining to fulfill their futureresponsibilities. o the parents en-thusiastically work together a en-sure hat hese uture eaders re car-efully nurtured, guided, disciplinedand t ra ined for the importantroles they must play in years tocome.

The intelligent nd oyous blend-ing of these wo concepts n mar-riage-the open and oving unionofthe bodies, earts nd minds of themarried ouple, nd the creation fthe vital "family kingdom"-such ablending an and should produce nopportuni ty and an a tmospherewhere men and women an indcom-plete ulfillment.

This fulfillment s pictured y th ePsalmist: Blessed s every one hatfeareth he Lord; hat walketh n hisways. . . Thy wifeshallbe as a fruit-ful vine by the sides f thine house:thy children ike olive plants oundabout hy able" Ps. 128:1, ) .Put These Goncepts to Work.Once you fully grasp hese onceptsrelating o the meaning nd purposeof marriage, hy not set about build-ing your marriage and your homearound hem?

Instead f the husband nd wifebeing bored and di sinterest ed nsharing ach other's houghts, othshould be vitally interested n theminiature family kingdom" which,together, hey are energet ica l lybuilding.There should be a purpose-ful common nterest n teaching ndtraining heir children, n improvingtheir home and their financial posi-tion and in planning or the future.Their fulure.

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For n a truly happy marriage, t isnot "my house," my car," or even"my paycheck." Rather, whetherexpressed n words or in total at-titude, t should be "our house, urcar, our income, our fu-ture."

And so he mutual attitude houldconstantly e forward-looking ndplanning or improvements n your"castle," your home. The wife's eel-ings,and her understanding nd ex-pertise n home ecorating, andscap-ing, appliances, tc., should alwaysbe taken nto account. Every majorpurchase uch as a home or carshould be a family project-afford-ing the opportunity nd benefit f a

There s no greateropportunity afforded on thisearth to give, o share, oinspire oy and a sense f

fuffillment in another person,than the opportunity of

marriage.

sharing xperience etween usbandand wife.

Nothing to ta lk about? No,everything o talk about and share.That s the correct nswer.

Without being silly or unrealisticabout t, husbands nd wives houldthink of themselves s "partners" na great adventure-in building ca-reer, a business, life, together. heyshould alk over details regardingtheir mutual allies-their friends,business ssocia tes nd re la t ives.With the wife entering wholly nt othe discussion,hey should lan heirmutual strategy nd discuss n detailwhat each can contribute o bringtheir goals n life closer o real-i ty.

Then here are he children.Whatan area of discussion, lanning,mu -tual problem solving and heartfeltsharing of hopes and dreams heyprovideWhen Tragedy Strikes. Of courseall is not peaches nd cream n an ymarriage. The husband may lose hisjob. One of the childrenmay be seri-ously njured. Somehow, ragedy

seems o strike all of us n one way oranother n the course f life.

If they meet tragedy together,man and wife will be drawn evencloser. Often, a real setback wilspark ommunication nd a sense fsharing hat may have been reviously lacking. A couple need eachother more than ev er at such at ime.

The willingness f each partner osympathize nd ruly seek o understand his mate s paramount. ny -thing tha t can break down thebarr ie rs of pr ide , se l f i shness ndcoldness s serving a good pur-pose.

For a marriage without deep an dheartfelt communication s no mar-riageat all.

Those who are thoughtless ndselfish an easily ind duties or dis-traction o avoida heart-to-heart alkwi th the i r mate . Many marr iedpeople ear this type of communica-tion. They are somehow fraid ofopening p n depth. hey are alway"too busy." They never ind he imeto truly explore he heart and mind,the hopes nd dreams f the veryon eto whom hey are united or ife----onwho may be practically ursting ithdesire o be ncluded n the life andthoughts f her beloved.

Even when on vacation uch ndi-viduals ind dis t rac t ions. nd a thome hey may cultivate circle ofcharming riends, riends who helpf i l l in the t ime and enable hemgracefullyo avoid ong, ompletelycandid, hear t fe l t a lk wi th the i rmate.

In such cases, erhaps nly a tra-gedy s enough o shock he nsensi-tive partner nto an awareness f hisresponsibilities. nd, ironically, al ltoo often it takes the tragedy ofthreatened ivorce o bring he mes-sage ome.Why Marr ied Par tners Neglec tCommunication. A complete e-vealing f one's elI equires greatdeal of courage. People ear unveil-ing heir nner selves nd opening pto another uman eing, ven o theirmate, heir doubts nd fears as welas heir hopes nd dreams.

Why? They fear o be misunderstood. They fear ridi.cule or criti-c ism.

Until a solid elationship as beenslowly nd painstakingly uilt overa


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period of months and years, evenmarried people avoid "tell ing all" toone another.

Yet, until this ack is rectified heycan never ruly be "one." There willa lways be an inner yearning for"someone" o whom they can trulyunburden hemselves nd know thatthey will not be quickly or easilymisunderstood.

Men are often more proud thanwomen. They have greater difficultyin admitting that t hey are afraid.

By a harsh word or growl, a manmay cut short his wife and terminatea conversation hich he fears. A con-versation which might unveil a partof h is t rue nature i f i t were pur-sued.

wh1?\\ 'e all fear being judged, being

criticized. being misunderstood .And many of us fear receiving n-

wanted and ill thought-out advice.Especially advice rom a loved one,one who can hurt us deeply.

A husband may be experiencingcomplicated problem in his work orprofession. He hesitantly starts toshare this deepest anxiety with hi swife, something e has hough t aboutand analyzed for months. Immedi-ately she blurts out: "You shouldstand up for yourself ike a man an dtake hus and such act ion . . . "

Her husband owers his eyes andfeels sick inside. "She didn't evenwait to hear the whole problem " hethinks. He feels hat she treats himlike a little boy with ready-made n-swers egarding omething he knowsnothing about

He is crushed and defeated n hisdesire o find mature help and under-standing egarding what may now bethe biggest problem of his entire ca-reer.

But he is forced to withdraw, tochange the subject, or to leave theroom. His wife meant well, but she

did not knou how to l is ten.To understand eeply another hu-

man being. we must learn to listen,and not replr'. We must isten well-attempting o perceive he emotionalcolorings of the words as well as thewords themselves. We must taf tetime lo allow our mate to unburd enhis or her heart to us, again andagain. We must not offer criticism orjudgement during this learning pro-CCSS.

We must fervently seek to under-stand.

There is a very close ink betweenlove and understanding. ecause hevery nature of true love is outgoingconcern, true lovers always seek tounderstand, o encour age, o sharethe depths of their beings with oneanother.What To Do. To all who would prac-tice the art of to tal communication,of understanding , f love as outlinedin this article, I have some sug-gestions which I give here in sum-mary.

First, build a deep n terest n thegrowth and fulfillment of your mateas a person. Some of the last quotedwords of Jesus Christ found in theBible are these: 1, is more blessed ogive than to receive."

There is no greater opportunity af-forded on this earth o give, o share, o

inspire oy and a sense f fulfillment inanother person, han the opportunity ofmarriage. f each partner hinks, Howmuch can I give toward the joy andfulfillment of my mate?"-what a reci-pe or paradise

Teach yourself to share and tocommunicate on the highest level.Take time for long talks together-perhaps ncluding walking, hiking orcycling ogether over he countrysideif you can. Plan to ta ke short over-night or business rips togethel'occa-sionally-leaving small children withcompetent amily f riends or relatives.Such trips should become "secondhoneymoons" nd put new zest nt oyour marriage.

Take holiday or vacation rips la-gether. Do th ings that you can trulyshare and enjoy with one another.

At home, develop mutual interestsand hobbies that you can share-gardening, stamp or c oin collecting,concert going, or a collection of clas-sical recordings.

I t matters not what it is as ong as

you share t by the hour with one an-other. As long as it is a vehicle tostimulate a deeper loseness nd un-derstanding between you and themost precious ndividual on the faceof the earth-your mate.You Should Dream and Work To-gether. In your walks and talks an dlaughter and tears , go back in ret ro-spect , together, and rel ive thethoughts of a young boy who sat on ahi l l s ide, looking at the sky, and

dreaming of the future. Discuss an danalyze those dreams lovingly andunderstandingly with one another.Then work and pray together tomake them come rue.

In l ike manner, relive the hopesand aspirations f a young gir l wh ooften walked alone at sunset acrossher father's fields-dreaming of ahusband and home of her own some-day, of children, security, warmth,laughter and joy. Be sure you worktogether to make &er dreams cometrue.

Learn to respond o one another-openly and lovingly. Have no secrets.Bear no grudges. This is your onlylife, your only mate, your only love,your only family. Learn to think a ndfeel in unison, solving all your prob-lems together as a team. The mutualencouragement nd stimulus you'l lfeel , the added warmth and love

you'l l experience, will add an extradimension f understanding nd pur-pose and oy to your life that cannotbe obtained n any other way.

Truly, "it is not good that manshould be alone" (Genesis2:1 ) . l

Is marriageobsolete?

l s marr iage, ike the Brown Pel i -can, in danger of extinction? e-pending on which exper t youconsul t , marr iage s ei ther (a)decl ining, b) al ready dead, or(c) making a mild comeback. nany case, there 's been a majorshakeup of values. The impor-tant th ing qs: what does th ismean to you? Whether you'resingle ,marr ied, r conlemplat ingdivorce, you ' l l f ind the bookletWhy Marriage? most helpful. t 'sfree-just write o one of the ad -

dresses on the back cover.


10/15

OBEDIENT HILDREN

ARENOTENOUGHSome parentsaremakingafatal mistakeintheir child rearing and heading orheartbreak in the years ahead. You could be one of them. lf making your childrenobedient isyouronlygoal, you willprobablyfind yourself with an uphill battlefor

lOto 2Oyears, ending with disappointmentand a generation gap.

hat do you wish to accom-plish n training our child?Have you ever stopped o

consider?What overriding goal do you have

in mind as the ultimate end point ofapproximately wenty years of feed-ing, clothing, protecting nd teachingyour offspr ing from infancy onthrough childhood and the teenageyears

Unless ou can see and consciouslywork toward the right goal, good re-sults cannot be guaranteed.What is the Right Goal? The over-a l l purpose of your chi ld rear ingshould be to develop your childreninto balanced, happy, mature, well-ad jus ted , godly adul ts . They wil lneed o become ap able, eliable per-sons prepared or the responsibilityof adulthood, and the problems of ,adul thood. Ideal ly they should beable to take their place in societywithout the hang-ups nd complexesyou have had to f ight a l l theseyears That should be your overallgoal.

So how would you approach uch agoal? Obviously he best of all exam-

ples o look o is that of your spiritualFather. God Himself is the ultimateMaster n r ight ch i ld rear ing .More Than Just Punishment andObedience. Some parents seem othink their only job is to discipline.They seem o feel he only thing thatcounts s obedience. Why? Actuallyit 's often because hey are so selfish.Such parents ust want their childrento stay out of their hair-to not"bother" them. Others may strive tohave obedient children for vanitv's

I

by Robert . Fahey

sake. When riends r relatives isit,they show off. "Sit down " "Go toyour room " they bark. Their chil-dren obediently rot off to bed.Guests are supposed o be im-pressed.

But what if the only way Go dworkedwith you was hroughdisci-pline?What f every rror eceivedsound whack? What if everywrongthought, elfish ct, foolishmistakeresulted n so many swats? What ifnot one sin passed nnoticed. ndthere was no warmth. o ove. o evi-dence hat God was concerned oryou, except or a continual ain ofswats, piritual pankings, nd a con-stant stern no" booming n lourears?

You wouldbecome odiscouraged.so despondent nd erribly unhappl'.that if you didn't openly eb el. ouwould urn nward , nd your person-ality would shrivel up. You u'ouldfeel hat you could never ealll ac-complish hat your Father expectedof you. And so you would probabll'quit trying-except ust enough okeep rom getting swats."

Your children will react he same

way f treated hat way And youwillsomeday onder why your children.who seemed o obedient s young-sters, have become so distant.so heartless and unfeeling, asadults.

Discipline lone wil l not workSome parents ave ried t an d ulti-mately have come o say somethinglike his: l have panked im till Iam blue in the face and he stilldoesn't bey me." Something mpor-tant s acking.

@ 1977 Ambassador CollegeAll Rights Reserved

Your spiritual Father s known flcrHis love and mercy. Even when Hepunishes. He doesn't give you whatyou really deserve. ather, His heartis turned oward you. He forgives. Doyour children think of you as merci-ful, Iike your heavenly Father? Isyour hear t turned toward themand the ir hear ts toward you,with warmth , t rus t and affec-t ion?

A prophesied charac ter is t ic ofGod's end-time Work, bearing o theworld the last warning message e-fore Christ 's return and preparingthe way for His appearance, s ex-pressed n the prophecy of Malachi. l :6 : "And he shal l urn the hear t ofthe fa thers o the chi ldren , and thehear t of the ch i ldren to the ir fa -thers . . . ."

Is 1.our son's or daughter's heartturned torrard vou'l Is yours turnedto*ard h inr or her? l l no t , yourbasic approach o chi ld rear ing isu rODg.

God gives \ou more than mercy.He constant l r r rorks to encourage1ou. He makes 1ou laugh oyful lyHe reuards lour efforts with bless-

ings . eading 'ou radual ly a long her ight ua1 . This is the way you mustlead our chi ldren .

Child rearing s synonymous withlove and charact er building. Disci-pline is part of bot h. But so are en-couragement. ffection, istening an dposi t ive ins truc t ion . I f temporaryobedience s your goal, and you us eonly discipline o get t, 'your childrenmay flee from you when they areable, ust as the inmates of the con-centra t ion camps fled f rom the ir


11/15

Nazi persecutors henever hey ha dthe chance.

Many children have run awayfrom home because f the intolerantbehavior f parents. ach week hou-sands of children run away fromtheir homes ll over he world.Don'tpush your children nto making asimilar mistake which hey'll regretlater. Don' t mak e discipline ouronly orm of child earingTraining in Making Decisions.When your child s a baby, ou mustmake all his decisions or him. Youdecide hat he willeat. what clotheshe will wear, where he will go an dwhen.As he gets older. ou can givehim more freedom n these areas.Stillmaintaining verall upervision,you should raduallywiden he areain which you let him make deci-sions.

Let your child decide what colorsto use n his coloring book. Then,what clothes o wear. Still ater, givehim a chance o decide ow o spendpart of his savings r allowance.

Let him even ecide o buy some-thing, occasionally, hat may be awaste of money. Better or him towaste littlewhen he is young an dlearn rom t than o lose much morewhen he is older, with the responsi-bility of a wifeand child of his own.Unfortunatel y, many have not

learned he right use of money ntilthe stakes re so high hat permanentdamage s done o their marriage ndfinancial ecurity.

God s teaching ou to decide-onyour own. He calls t building har-acter. He guides ou, givingyou heprinciplesnvolved; arning ou ha tobeying His laws brings blessings,and not obeying hem brings urses.He gives ase tudies n His Word.He even commands ou to chooseHis way. But the final decision s inyour hands. s God's son or daugh-ter, you must decide-and bearthe consequences f your dec i-sions.

So each ourchildren o make e-cisions.When hey start school, he ywillhave o decide ith which riendsto spend ime, what books o read,and ater, whether o engage n pre-marital sex and drug use. You willnot be there to guide them at eachcrucial,decisivemoment. hey willhave o decide y themselves. quipthem for that ahead of time Give

them practice ow n making sounddecisions.

The key s to have areas n whichyour child can feel free to make uphisown mind.You decide hether eshould ut his hand nto a fire. Yo udictate o him about going nto thestreet. hose reas re not or him todecide or himself. ut is t really socrucial which playsuit e wears? Orwhich oys he plays with, as ong asthey are suitable or the time andplace?

Your daughter may feel she hasinvented a new way to sew. Youknow t won't work.Explain t t o her.Showher why t won't work,withoutmocking er or coming p with such

Is your son's or daughter'sheart turned oward you? Isyours turned oward him or

her? f not, your basicapproach o child rearing is

wrong.

a childish dea. f she oesn't eel ouknowwhat you are alking about, et

her try it When t doesn't work forexactly he easons ou said. he willlearn more han sewing.

And she will see ou aren't as g-norant as she might have hought-which will be crucial or her whenshe s seventeen nd deciding boutavoiding rugs or sex belore mar-riage-or whether o marry Freddieanywaywhen ou ell her t wouldbea bad match.

But leave ff the "l-told-you-sos"whichonlyserve o tickleyour vanityand widen he gap between ou an dyourchild.Main Principle of Rulership. Youare the ruler of your child. But youneed o realize he cornerstone rin-ciple or God's ype of rulership. Yeknow hat he princes f the Gentilesexercise ominion over them, an dthey hat are great exercise uthorityupon hem," said Jesus hrist. Bu tit shall not be so among you: butwhosoever ill be great among ou ,let him be your minister; nd whoso-everwillbe chiefamong ou, et him

be your servant" (Matt. 20:25-27).Have you ever thought of it this

way? You are your child's servant.You are to serve him by preparinghim for adulthood-not ike a dema-gogue who will not tolerate ny dif-ference f opinion, nor any delegat-ing of decis ion making, but like awise eacher, nstructing our childin the ways o make proper ecisions.He can only earn hat by practice.And practice mplies ome mistakes.Your ob is to make ure hey are it-t le mis takes , not l i fe -sha t te ringones.

How much better t is to serve hechildrenGod has given ou by help-ing them o learn hat they do needtheir parents' dvice s hey walk heroad of life. How much better hatthey earn hat when mom and dadsay no," there s usually verygoodreason. hey have seen h e proof.Let them get used o admitting, lwas wrong," withoutshame r jeer-ing.

lf you rule your children Christ'sway, hey will want your rule. Theywill learn t is for their good. Theywon't eel et tered y it, as f boundin a straitjacke t. hey willbe ree nit. They will respect ou for it. AndCod willguarantee hem a ong, ap-py life for respecting heir parents(Ex.20:12; ph. 6:l-3).

What To Teach Your Child. Thereare many other hings o teach ou rchild to prepare im to be a godlyadult .

First, each im o express imself.You can do this by letting a smallerchild go over he day's events eforebedtime. Sure, istening o hi m re-count an event hat happened hileyou were at work can require pa -tience-but it's often profitable othe storyteller.

You should also each your childto express imself y istening o andanswering his questions-notsquelching hem. Treat his "foolish"questions ith respect. questionthat sounds onsensical o you musthave een n his mind before t cameout of his mouth. And f it was here,it needs n answer

Also, ne question ays he ground-work or others. Sometimes he prop-er answer o one of these uestions,fheeded, will save he child untoldtrouble. Too many parents quelchthe "silly" questions, o they never


12/15

get a chance o hear the big onesThird , teach your chi ld to do

things.Eversee youngboy standingawkwardly beside a swimming poolwhile all his friends are swimmingenthusiastically? e can't swim. Heis self-conscious. n outsider. Andvery unhappy. He is also osing alu-

able leadership raining. Avoid al-lowing nferiorityand other personal-ity complexes o form-teach him todevelop alents nd abilities, uch asswimming. ive yourchildren ppor-tunities o engage n sports, ecrea-tional activities, tc. that will givethem confidence ithin their peergroups. Teach hem to make hings,such as cookies nd doll clothes orthe girls and model airplanes ndboats or boys. Go on hikes, picnics;buy a kite and help hem ly i't; ake

them o sports vents.Fourth, evelop our child's nter-ests as fully as you are able. Hiswhole ife will be richer. He will beable o mix with all kindsof peopleand realize is ull leadership oten-t ia l .

Fifth, each him the proper se ofpower. Money is a form of power.Your child should earn how o use twisely. car s power.So s a boat,roller skates, BB gun or a bicycle.Children will misuse hese unless

trained.Sixth, teach your child to facetrials bravely. A broken oy can be amajor crisis f you're our. So can adead pet. Take time to put these"trials" into perspective. brokentoy can open he door for you to ex-plain he mportance f buying uali-ty items, or proper care of posses-sions, r even principles f mainte-nance nd epair. he dead et s dif-ferent from a dead human. Teachyourchild he difference. ust sitting

down and explaining he overviewwilltake much of the stingout of the"trial." It also helps arrow any po-tentialgeneration ap .

Your own example n facing yourtrials is also mportant. f you ar edressed o go out and your child spillsmilk down your best outfit-youhave trial. f an otherwise alman dcomposed other suddenly ecomesa screaming itch, hurling buse t aglass-shattering itch,her child willlearn by example not to face trials

bravely.He willalso end o fly apartin the face of trials.

10

Actions speak ouder han words.If you expect ourchild o stand irmin a crisis, you must stand firmfirst.Teach Them to Face the World.You should lso each our childrenthat there are problems n theworld-horrible, heartrending rob-

lems. Then demonstrate hat Godhas he answers.If someone ecomes ll or involved

in an accident, here are reasons-usually easily defined.Teach yourchi ld . Show him the pr inc ipleofcause and effect. Show him how toavoid the effect by followingGod'sway of life in the first place. Olderchildrenwill see pregnant irls dropout of school. how hem he effecton the girl, her family, he boy andhis family, and even on the unborn

child tseli.But ake are All children re de -alistic.They view he world hroughrose-colored lasses, nd it's a goodthing hey do. If any of us couldseeal l the evi l ,and a l l the t r ia ls andproblems ahead of us , a t once ,we would feel defeated before westart.

The rose-colored lasses raduallyhave o go. But remove hem gently;don't ip them rom a child's ace.

If you tell your child how rotten

the world s, he willlikelynot believeit is so bad. And there s no purposeserved y shouting, You wait tillyou have o earn yourown iving. t 'stough out there " What you say strue. But you will make more pro-gress by positive nstruction. howthe ruits of the wrongway. When al lthe facts are presented n an atmo-sphere f reason, ew children willknowinglyand imperiously hoosethe automatic urses f the wrongway.

It is up to you to maintain n at-mosphere f reason. f youcontinual-ly discourage our child,he will be -come bitter and resentful. hen hewi l l become more suscept ible owrong nfluences. ou must main-tain an atmosphere f reason y be-ing reasonable nd air yourself. odsays-and le t ' s a lways ememberit-"Fathers, provoke ot your chil-dren to anger, est hey be discour-aged" Col .3:21).How to Teach Obedience. Finally,

you should each your children obe-diencemainlvbv settine hem an ex-

ample of respect or the aws of Godand man. Teach them to respondquicklywhen nstructions re given.Be sure you have your child's atten-tion, hen ell him what youwant hi mto do. Backup your wordswithdisci-pline f necessary-in ove.

Above all things, on't constantly

use he phrase, How many imes oI have o tell you . . ?" or "Do youwant a spanking?" r "lf you don'tdo as said, 'm going o. . . "

That is not effectively eachingobedience. nstead, ou are encour-aging delayed esponse, eaching hepsychology f last-minute escapesand the deathbed epentance yn-drome.

You should each your childrenthe principles behind obedience. nyour regular Biblestudies, ointou t

the clear essons f what happened othosewho obeyedGod and hose whodisobeyed. lways stress his vitalprinciple o hat the lesson s drivenhome.

Remember our real goal s long-term, willing obedience. t is notsomething hort-term ike gettingyourchild o go o bed.You certainlycannot xpect eal asting bedienceto God or man if you take such ashortsighted pproach.

Keep our ong-term oal n mind.

Solomon escribed t: "My son, fthine heart be wise, my heart shallrejoice,even mine. Yea, my reinsshall rejoice, when thy lips speakr ight hings" Prov. 3: l5-16). olo-mon saw he proper goal was morethan emporary bedience.

When your child is no longer achild:when he reaches aturity an denjols a life of happiness, alance,wisdom ndsound udgment, ithoutthe cares and kickbacks f disobe-dience. hen y'oucan say that your

child training has been a success.You uill have accomplishedhe realgoal of child rearing I

RECOMMENDED READING

The Worldwide Church of God pub-lishes an attractively printed bookletentitled The Seven Laws of Success.Your children need to know aboutthese seven principles. hey apply ovirtually l l age groups. Wri te or yourfree copy


13/15

WHYNOTCOMMUNICATEWITHYOURKIDS?

by Jon Hil l

/r^\HILD ps1'chology ooks ell us that a child of l8t months to two years old has one favorite word:r-./"Nol" Come here: "No " Shut the door: "No "Eat your cerea l : No "

The first real communication frustrates the par-ents-not to mention he child.

Whf is "No " the favorite word? Probably becausethat i s the most often heard word the child is familiarwith. because he parents have been using t most fre-quentl) ' or the preceding 8 months n order o protectthe child as he begins o c rawl, and later walk, it isnecessarv o tell him "No " Don't put everything n thefloor into your mouth. Don't get near the fireplace.Don't touch the porcelain birds on the coffee a ble. Allthe no-no's are well established. he yes, that 's fine,good boy. good girl statements we make are rare if notmissing otally.

So the child figure s No " must be the way to com-municate. Parents give up too soon because f this firstnegative conversation-w hich may not seem to be aconversation at all. TV takes over as the educator,mother, father, baby-sitter. The chi ld learns manywrong things hrough this medium. After it is too late,we try to control the viewing. That only anchors henegative approach. But how can you reason with achild? He won't understand.

Despite he fact that the child's next favo rite wordseems o be "Why?" we fail to recognize an effort atmeaningful communication. We substitute lies andmyths for true answers. The stork. Santa Claus. Th ebogeyman. Meanwhile sex, violence and cartoons onTV have communicated naccuracies and total con-

fusion regarding the real world. Our child learns-but most ly the wrong th ings , answers and so lu-tions.

We give up. Maybe school will help straighten hi mout-after all , teachers are supposed o teach, aren'tthey? But by noy it's probably oo ate. The child knowshe has not received meaningful answers rom his par-ents: he's coy and shy n even discussing advanced om -munication) his real questions ecause e's been old her.r 'on 't nderstand even f he's told; or to wait til l he 'solder: or we don't have time now (and probably never

will);or don't disturb me, 'm busy; an't you do any-thing ight?l tc.

Now he communication ffered y TV con tributes othe sum otal of ignorance f all the kids put together,and they sha re their fogged knowledge with eachother-don't trust anyone ver en They've earned oucan't eally alk about he hings ou want o with yourparents, he eachers, ny adults-they ust put youoff,don't give ight answers, on't understand.

Bad goes o worse nd we end up sayingwe ust don'tunderstand hy the child doesn't ike school, ets poorgrades, hy he runs with the "wrongcrowd,"gets ntotrouble, mokes ot,gets prgnant, uns away, eems ohate us.

Children re a bother. We have orgotten hat Jesussaid: Let the children ome o me, or the Kingdom fGod belongs o such s hey. Don'tsend hem away tellyouas eriously s know ow hat anyone ho efuses ocome o Godas a ittle childwillnever e allowed ntohisKingdom" Mark 0: 4-l 5 ,The iving ible) .

We hope God, our Father, will listen o us when weseek His help, guidance, nswers. eek and you shallfind.Knockand t shall be opened o you.Ask and yo ushall eceiv e. ll those re positive esponses rom God.He doesn't ell us to wait till we are perfect o we willunderstand. e forgives ur mperfections nd patientlylistens, nd hrough His Word offers eal answers o ourproblems.

There's saying: Talk is cheap." But it's not true.Talk is very expensive. t takes ime, concern, are,thought, ove. Kids know more han you think. Don'tunderestimate hem. f they don't understand our irst

answer. hrase t in different ords; f theydon't under-stand our second nswer, hrase t in differentwords;and on. and on, and on. Soon ou will be communicat-ing.Give hem he benefit f the doubt and hey willdothe same or you. Give hem your time and they willgive you theirs when t reall y counts. rust them an dthey will return he trust. Give hem real answers ndthey willalways ome o you with their questions-andall their questions re mportant, ecause he answersare going o form the basis f their ives.

Try it. Why not communicate ith your kids?

o 1978 Ambassador Col legeAll Rights Reserved


14/15

4;

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1i l" ' t t l lf i i l"" '1i ii io -"i , t , i

1i r ' - " - 1i 1"1r r r, l1

luaGRBoberi D Qhedander

he alarm sounds. nd signs ofl ife begin o emerge rom with-in the Rogers ousehold.

Scott ' s been up since 6:-30. ryingto make t to high school and prac-t ice on t ime for a change. Eddie.who's studying advanced hrsics atthe universi ty, s contcmplating herelat ive elat ionship enreen perpen-dicular placement nd the causal e -fect of obliquity. (He's deciding fgett ing up is worth the etFort . ) Ca-thy, a l ively I 2-year-old. ops acrossthe cold floor to s i t in front of thefurnace, l l the while complainin-e flrostbite.

Soon mom. dad and al l the kidsare scurrying around n a frenzr olactivi ty, and the pace won' t subsideunti l the middle of the day.

Too many days n too manv house-holds begin ust as portrayed above.famill 'members rushing here andthere. unti l the days have urned ntoyears , nd the family s no longer o-gether.

I t ' s been said that l i fe is a rat

12

race-and the rats areg

innins. F. r nthough life does havc its l ' r rrnt icmomcnts, t shouldn ' t be that rrrr iconti ual y.Meaningful t ime together. Spcnd-ing time together as a fanri l l crrnmake l ife so much more re*ardins.But i t should be meaningful ime.relevant o the needs f each mcmbcrof that femily. To insure posit irgrowth, we occasionally eed o lookat ourselves s a unit . o evaluir te urprogress nd plot a course or the fu -ture .

The apostle aul e l ls us o redeemthe ime n Ephesians :16. That is osay, we ought to make the most ofevcry opportunity we have or Chris-t ian growth. Not only as ndividuals .but as a family.

Thtrt growth can only come f weseparate urselves rom our everydaychores and take stock of where weare headed.

lf there is a lack in showing hefruits of l iving God's way of l ife . i fthere s an empty hole where amily

o 1979 Worldwide Church of GodAll Rishts Reserved

corlnrunricution hould be, then wenc-c-dn recognize ur weakncsses ndbuild on trur s trengths.

Str ivc 'or hc- ight dircction with adc ' irc ' o build a strong and n. reaning-l 'u l i rnri lr re lat ionship based onGrrd 's .rr trf i fc .

" . . . itrr \\ h.ll:r)e\Cr a trlan SOu'ethth. r t hri l i he ls tr re tp . ' s ir \s Paul n(i. ilrrtirrns :-. \ \ 'hat is more fert i legrtrund trr- hris t irrn rLr\\h than het 'enri ir I ts t r i l ls and tests offer usmiin\ irpprrr tunit ies o display ' het)fc rr l ' character God wants us tohl r c - .

Oncc- hi: real izat ion ully hi ts us\r nc-d rnl\. as some say, to "getsLrnre L)\\n ' going" to reap a bounti-lul harlest hzrt nly family love andtrrget crnr ' ss un bring.Analyze your family. So how doesrour iamill s tack up ' l Take sometime for a family self-appraisal ofind out . B1' ooking at 9ur family ifeobjectivellwe can gain a new outlookon how it really is as compared ohow we would ike i t to be.


15/15

( lns truc t ions:

SPIRITUAL ROWTHDo you show he rui ls l the

Spirit;I nve lnenrrinc e nne ern fOf the

welfare of o thers)- Joy (cheerfu l , ositive ut look)- Peace emotional tabrl i ty.

t ranqui l l i ty)- Longsuftering patrenl)

- Gentleness sensilive)

- Goodness kind,considerate)- Fai th t rus l n God, confidence)- Meekness humil i ty)

-- Temperance self-contro l ,moderate)

Do you.- Pray egularly- Study egularly

- Set an example hroughpersonal

growth and maturing- Take parl n Church activilies- lns lrucland guide your chi ldren

Total your score or th is secl ion and d i-v ide by 14 to get your comparal ive at -ing on a scale ol 1 to 10

INDIVIDUALGROWTHDo you

- Get enough leep- Exercrse egularly

Tolal your score or th is sect ion and di-v ide by 5

TEAMWORK

Doyou

andyour

spouse:Share compatib le aluesTrust and respect each o therResolve ifferences i th ove

Do familymembersPract ice mutual upporlHave construct ive ommunrcat ionDiscuss nd resolvedisagreements onstrucl ively

- Share amily espon$ibi l i t ies

Total your score or th is sect ion and di-v ide by 7.

RECREATION

Doyou

Spend ime withyour spouseSpend ime wilhyour chi ldrenKeep up withyour chi ldrenaclivitesChannel our chi ldren nt owholesome obbies andacliviliesPlan amily ecreation nd outingsTry new aclrvrt iesogetherMake wise use of TV as a tamily

Total your score o r th is sect ion nd d i-v ide by 7

FamilySelf-Appraisal nventoryRate yourse lf on each poin t on a sca le of 1 to 10.)

- Eat wel l -balanced eals- Develop ew ski l ls and hobbies- Mainlain neat appearance- Read regularly

- Make earning l i fet ime ct iv i tyAre you:

- Confident nd positive

- Dependable

Do you:

- Encourage our spouse 'ssel t - improvement ctivilies

- Show nteres t n chi ldren 'sschoolwork

- Guide your chi ldren n makingtheir own decis ions

- Praise our chi ldren 'sachtevemenls

Total your score or th is sectron nd d i-v ide by 13

FRIFNDSHIP AND SERVICE

Do you.

- Vis i t r iends and relat ives ,especial ly hen hey 're sick

- Provide warmth and supportwhen others need help

- Know and ike your neighbors- Keep current withyour

community 's ffairs-- Know your chi ldren 's r iends

By to l lowing he ins truc t ions l the bot tom of each sec t ion you can get an aver age scoresca le of 1 to 10. This average score can hen be plo t ted on the prof i lebelow. Just p lace aing with your score on the appropria te ine and connect he dots .

tor tha t par t on adot correspond-

10I8766

4J

2

T'rr he lp in th is se lf -analys is . e. r, ' r r ld ikc to sharc with you a br ief, . \ - )hcct . des igned o a id you in:- . . . l . r I ' r rnr i l rnvcntorv. h is is not, rJ . : . r l r i i t is u tool ha t can help us. : . . : . . , r i r i t lookat t turse lves s ti - : l

\ . - . : in . j , rr rat ing each ol ' the1 . . : : . . ' ,1 ' : t . i :c l t lc l rorn I to 10 .

Friends p Teamwork

This can be donc br d .rd . nrom. eventhe kids or the familr as a uhole .

Takc u look.r t l - ivc inrpor tan tareas sp ir i tua l gro \ \ h . ind iv idualgro \{ h . f r iend 'h ip rnd crv ice . eam-work and recrea t ion-and apply thequest ions o 'our amil l .

You nra l ' w 'an t to analyze yourfrrmil l now and then lgain in rr

Recrea t ion

month or two to sec \ \ ha t prr tgressyou 're making . Though th is is not ates t . h igh scorc : c irn be encouraging ,and ow scores an poin t to areas orpersonal nd f 'amilvgrowth .

Remenrber o be rca l is t ic nd fa ir.No iamily ' s perfec t . u t an accura tese lf -appra isa l an he lp a good amily 'become ven bet ter. a

Spir i tua lgrowth

lnd v iduagrowth

13

Documents

Bring Back the Family (1979)