BULLYING AND THE SPECIAL NEEDS CHILDEdward J. Nitkewicz

If you want your child to be bullied mercilessly, make sure that his green top hat matches his green tie on Easter Sunday.

How to make sure your child is bullied…..

What is bullying? Bullying is aggressive behavior that is

intentional and that involves an imbalance of power or strength.

Typically it is repeated over time.

A child who is being bullied has a hard time defending himself or herself.

U.S. Department of Health and Human Services

Prevalence of bullying Studies show that

between 15-25 % of students are bullied.

Studies show that 15-20% of students report that they have bullied others

Half of the victims report that the bullying lasted 6 months or longer.

Bullying has been identified as a major concern by schools across the country.

More statistics Boys are more likely

to bully others

Verbal bullying is the most frequent form of bullying

Boys are more likely to be physically bullied

Girls are more likely to be targets of rumor and sexual comments

Speculation about sexual orientation or behavior is most common form

And because our plates are not already piled high enough…

…studies confirm that children with disabilities or special needs are at a higher risk of being bullied than other students.

THE IMPACT OF BULLYING Causes child to be depressed, lonely,

anxious and fearful Interferes with student’s engagement

and learning opportunity Lowers self esteem Suicide

We need to change the way others see, hear and know our children.

THERE IS AN ANSWER

Meet the Bully The Good News is

that he doesn’t look like this

The Bad News is that he doesn’t look like this

He is likely to be someone’s beautiful boy or girl

Traits of bully Impulsive Hot-headed Dominant Easily frustrated Difficulty with

rules View violence in a

positive way (“eye for an eye”)

Tend to be physically stronger

But, smaller children can seek out bigger and weaker children

Angry

Family risk factors for bullying

Children who bully are more likely to live in homes where there is: Lack of parental warmth and involvement Lack of supervision Lack of behavioral limits and boundaries Harsh physical discipline Model for bullying behavior

U.S. Dept. of Health and Human Services

Historical perspective

Climbing the social ladder included witty put downs of the disabled The “Tart Cart” The “Blueberry” The “Horticulture Club” The “Room in the

Corner” “Julie”

Disability Awareness Resume building

community service College applications

requiring students to demonstrate social awareness

Fraternal approach to the disabled

Before IDEA Today

What can parents do?

Okay, what can we REALLY do?

Prevention through awareness and education

Intervention

Support

The Ambassador Program A disability awareness program at

South Huntington UFSD

History

Purpose

Impact.

“Hey, your Mr. Nitkewicz aren’t you?”

Emphasis on demystification of our children and their disabilities

Create a bond between the special needs and typical communities

EMPATHY The key to understanding the special

needs person The key to overcoming bullying Fostering empathy in our community,

our schools, among our fellow parents and our childrens’ classmates is crucial

“Mr. Nitkewicz, I am not for special education.”

Fear and ignorance

George Kunzler De-mystification Familiarize others

regarding the unique qualities our children possess

Intervention or helping our children deal with bullying

Role playing

Immediate generalization

Social Stories

Video modeling

Communication with your school district

Be a firm but reasonable presence

Be clear that if your child is bullied, you EXPECT a resolution

The remedy cannot further ostracize your child

Not an easy task, but one that requires more than a “kids will be kids” approach

Review your district’s anti-bullying policy in the student code

Let the district propose the resolution

Cyber bullying Our children are highly susceptible to

cyber-bullies Easier to bully, to tease, to defame, to

torment another when you do not have to “look them in the eye”

You need to know the internet sites and web habits of your children

How to prevent cyber bullying Know your school’s cyber

bully policies Know the relationship

between the school and law enforcement

Look for signs your child is suffering from nightmares, avoiding school, sadness or disinterest

Establish a dialogue with your child regarding computer and internet use and cyber bullying

Keep computers in common areas of house

Equip computers with Print Screen capacity

Impress that personal information should not be exchanged or posted

Know your internet service providers complaint procedure

Communicate with your child

Know your child’s cyber friends and lists

When cyber bullying occurs Use social stories to explain what they are

experiencing Encourage your child to confide in you

without repercussion Impress upon them the need to reply in

only one way: please stop Report the incident to your school district

AND your special education director

Suicide prevention Children with special needs are also

susceptible to suicidal thoughts Monitor their moods and avoidance

behaviors Non-judgmental and open communication

in whatever form it takes Key to earning their trust Our children are socially impaired and

must feel safe confiding in us

Response of Suffolk County, Inc.

Response of Suffolk County is a nationally accredited, community-based suicide prevention agency that provides a free, confidential and anonymous hotline available to anyone who needs suicide counseling. 

Response’s services also include an online crisis counseling program, a community education program, as well as a current computerized information and referral database connecting callers with the most appropriate community resources to meet their needs.

Call 24 hours a day. Seven days per week. 631.751.7500

Hear 2 Help online crisis counseling

Response offers online crisis counseling for individuals who would rather chat than talk.

During after-school hours - Monday thru Friday from 5 pm to 11 pm – students can speak with a crisis counselor online.

Response counselors are not therapists, but professionally trained and supervised counselors who will talk with callers about any issues of crisis including peer pressure, relationship difficulties, thoughts of suicide, and bullying.

How do I protect my child?

Bullying prevention for the parent of a special needs child Open and respectful

dialogue with your child

Awareness of mood swings or changes in communication

Open and respectful dialogue with the education team

Community awareness

Peer education

Providing your child with a method of report and disclosure through discussion or social stories

Vigilance with regard to your child’s use of the Internet

Edward J. NitkewiczParent, Advocate and Attorney at Law

The Sanders Law Firm100 Herricks Road

Mineola, New York 11501516.741.5252

Enitkewicz@theSandersFirm.comwww.TheSandersFirm.com