December 16

Lia Baldori

Get jacked enough to pull off the Dirty Dancing move with Holden

Bernice Gajda

Do a cartwheel

Zoya Shevchenko

Stop Gabe from making friends other than me

Ben Hopper

Drain the swamp and take over as editor-in-chief

Madeline Robins

Make the perfect gazpacho

Haley Robins

Learn how to snap (it’s harder than it looks)

Gabe Hales

Make a friend other than Zoya

Hawraa Alsaedi

Stop disappointing G and Trevor and eat more Taco Bell

Luis Borrero

Win the heart of Ms. Hetfield, overthrow admin., chill, get my license, go to college, get a job, win lotto, finish Naruto, make a bomb

a** newspaper

Miles Bolton

Build my chrysalis and assume my true form

G Sambaer

Get buckets

Sebastian Carrier

Have fun

Allison Murray

Develop a GOD complex

Trevor Houston

Grow out some nappy hair and play like Devonte’ Graham

Monica Delgado

To get my tiny dogs to stop bark-ing for once

Lexie Yates

Stop going through the “It’s not a phase mom” phase.

Paris Wilson

Stop leaving people on “read” over text

Adanya Gilmore

Expand 7/11Sslurpee flavor pal-ette

Johnny Mocny

Find out who’s been sleeping on my couch

Annaleigh Barker

Remember the Titans and the Alamo. Stop falling down stairs

Maddie Suhrheinrich

Only use 75% of my family’s data a month

Joe Chappelle

Eat more food

Holden Santi

Get the most amount of attention with the least amount of effort

Julian Fedorchuk

Pet an Axolotl

Natalya Swartz

Be more like baby grinch

One of the things that really feels like the rotten cherry on top of the sand sandwich

that is holiday travel are gas stations, and more specifically gas station re-strooms. Needing to go in the middle of a long road trip and knowing that an ugly stain on the underpants of society awaits you inside is, to say the least, not a good feeling.

This month I ventured into the Okemos-East Lansing area and ranked the top ten worst gas sta-tion restrooms we have to offer, so next time you need to fill your tank, you will know whether the restroom awaiting you is a sanitary masterpiece or a threat to your own well being.

10. Sunoco (Okemos Rd.)Sunoco’s restroom hardly quali-

fies as a gas station restroom, con-sidering that it functions as Dunkin Donuts restroom too, but I couldn’t ignore it. While the restroom is a little cramped, it does feature two sinks and a very private stall in the men’s room. All the while music is playing through pretty solid speak-ers. The only drawback is the fact that this restroom is frequently used, so people are often going in and out, and the floor is especially wet.

9. Marathon Gas (Corner of Harrison and Trowbridge)

I was pretty impressed by the

restroom in this Marathon, it had a lot of the qualities you hope for in a rest-room. It was well lit, (something often overlooked in restroom design), had a clean toilet, a clean faucet handle and mirror, and to top it all off a dryer with a banshee-like scream powerful enough to whip off any water on your hands in an instant.

8. Marathon Woods (Hamilton Rd.)

Marathon Woods is pretty aver-age as restrooms go. The smell is only slightly uncomfortable, and the facilities are clean-ish, but what re-ally brings it down is the fact that it’s located on the side of the gas station, yet isn’t clean enough to warrant the effort spent getting to it; you expect it to be above par, but it ends up being exactly what most gas station rest-rooms are: gross. I will add that the positively dazzling christmas lights on Marathon Woods really enhance the experience, so style points to them.

7. Kroger Fuel CenterThis one is a bit of a mixed bag.

Though the restroom is only acces-sible with the clerk’s key from the side of the building, the restroom itself is so rarely used that it doesn’t smell in the slightest and is pleasantly clean. However, it also doubles as some sort of cleaning station, with mops and other tools leaned up in a mini shower-like area in the corner of the room, which kind of feels like the equivalent of having to use a freight elevator in the back of the hotel while everyone else rides a cool glass tube up to the top floor.

6. Meijer Gas StationThe Meijer Gas Station restroom

was fairly vanilla as gas station restrooms go, but it didn’t have any outstanding negative qualities, which is why it really wasn’t that bad in the grand scheme of things. It may have been cramped and dirty, but at least it had a pleasant soapy smell masking the underlying function of the room.

5. Shell (Grand River)The Shell Gas Station restroom

was an interesting case. The entrance is deceptively well lit and tasteful in design, so you get your hopes up before being greeted by the same old

restroom you already know. The only especially bad thing was the smell, but this negative aspect was cancelled out by the faucet, which had buttons instead of handles that minimized the need to touch anything.

4. Speedway (Corner of Dobie Rd. and Grand River)

Honestly, I expected this restroom to be worse than it actually is, but it still doesn’t do itself many favors. This was by far the worst smelling of all the restrooms I visited, and the toilet itself was barely working. This restroom did have a few redeeming qualities though, for example it was

pretty clean and had a wicked fast dryer. The caution sign in the corner was also helpful for lowering my ex-pectations so I didn’t get too excited about any features of the restroom, as if I was going to anyway.

3. East Lansing Marathon (Grand River)

The East Lansing Marathon rest-room keeps you alert the instant you walk in. The restroom itself resembles something you would see in a Saw movie complete with noisy flickering lights, yet also smelled strangely of old oranges. The unique thing about this restroom were the several holes

Miles BoltonBusiness Manager

in the wall that, as far as I could tell, led into an endless dark void.

2. Marathon Gas (Okemos Rd.)The Marathon Gas Station on

Okemos Rd. is nearly the worst re-stroom I found on my quest, it really hits all the bases. As soon as I walked in I noticed that the floor was wet and caked with dirt, and the smell of pez and defecation lingered in the air. The faucet had visibly dirty handles and to top it off the restroom didn’t have a fan and was less than five feet from the front desk allowing you to listen to the employees order pizza while you go about your business. Not too great.

1. Admiral Petroleum Co. (Grand River)

The Admiral Petroleum Co. Gas Station restroom is almost beyond words. I didn’t even need to take notes for this one because it will no doubt be burned into my memory for years to come. Despite the “Out of Order” sign on the door, I forged on, simply asking the college student on his phone where the restroom was, and only got a finger towards this vile cave in response.

The restroom doubled as a storage closet filled with chemical bottles and mops all the while smelling like death. The toilet itself was barely functioning, and the faucet handles somehow hadn’t dried from last time someone was in there, which I imagine was long ago. The whole experience was quite miserable and I implore you to never even go near this restroom, because, though it works, it might as well be out of order.

Business Manager rates gas stations for holiday travels

Photo by Miles Bolton

OHS Press staffers are looking forward to the coming New Year, and as always have diverse hopes and dreams that will soon be

shattered by the remorseless iron fist of reality.

STAFF NEW YEARSRESOLUTIONS