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Copyright 2015-Present My Meaningful Life, LLC & Transform Your Loss

By: Ligia M. Houben

Author, Speaker, Grief, Loss and Life Transitions Coach

Copyright 2015- Present My Meaningful Life, LLC & Transform Your Loss

The Center for Transforming Lives – Miami, FL

7600 SW 57th Ave St 211

(305)666-9942

www.ligiahouben.net

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Copyright 2015-Present My Meaningful Life, LLC & Transform Your Loss

Let me ask you…

Are you living the life you want?

Are you following your dream?

Do you have a purpose in life?

Living in a fast paced society we sometimes neglect to ponder about issues that are really important in our lives. We may think we have time and that we will do it later…. but the time is NOW….it is never too early or too late! We can’t afford to waste time because we don’t know what tomorrow will bring….

For the last decade I have dedicated myself to study the psychological and spiritual dimensions of people as they face life transitions that generally involve change and/or a certain kind of loss. I have come to realize that the process of aging expands our own perception on how to live a life with purpose if we want to find meaning in the stages we encounter in our journey. Because I am working on a book, Dimensions of a Meaningful Life, I wanted to share with you in this first reflection chapter some of the basic tenets I have found to be vital if we want to make a difference in our lives and in the lives of others.

The core of the message is found on the word MEANINGFUL. Each letter of the word represents an element that can make a difference in transforming a common life into a rich experience. Consider implementing these elements in your everyday living if you want to have a more positive, rich, and meaningful existence!

Meaning in life

Experience every moment

Age with grace

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Copyright 2015-Present My Meaningful Life, LLC & Transform Your Loss

Nourish your soul

Imagine and achieve.

Nurture yourself

Grieve and Grow

Fulfill your dreams

Utilize your talents

Love, love, love.

Now that you know the key elements that, I consider, are essentials to live with purpose, let’s explore each one of them.

MEANING IN LIFE

This is the first and more important element in our acronym. If we do not find meaning in our lives, we cannot live it to the fullest. But how can we find it?

First, let me tell you that meaning is a word that does not have intrinsic value. What I am saying is that what is meaningful to me, may not be meaningful to you. Therefore, the first step is to find what is important to YOU.

The secret is to be fully present in your life. Every person is at a different stage in his or her own journey. So, take what you want to bring to your journey and enjoy the ride.

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Copyright 2015-Present My Meaningful Life, LLC & Transform Your Loss

It is your life.

What do you want to have happen…?

Is it to have good health?

A successful career?

A meaningful relationship?

Or to develop spiritually?

What is it out there that really fulfills your soul?

If you are having a difficult time deciding, I invite you to do the following exercise:

Close your eyes and envision yourself five years from now and imagine you are totally, totally happy.

What are you doing?

Who is with you?

How do you look like?

As you see yourself in the future try to work backwards. So, walk your steps back from five years from now to the present. This will give you the idea of the necessary steps needed for a more meaningful you.

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Copyright 2015-Present My Meaningful Life, LLC & Transform Your Loss

EXPERIENCE EVERY MOMENT

Our everyday life sometimes demands from us to live in a hurry. We have become so used to instant gratification that we do not enjoy the process of what we are doing. We just focus on the end. But, what about if we take a pause and evaluate how our life is? Are we really enjoying the marvelous opportunity to be on this earth?

When we work for a goal, do we enjoy the small steps that take us to our great finale?

Or we just go through the motion without even realizing it?

I want to introduce here the Buddhist concept called mindfulness and although this practice is generally applied when doing meditation, it can actually help us to enjoy and experience any activity in our lives.

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Copyright 2015-Present My Meaningful Life, LLC & Transform Your Loss

Mindfulness is practically to be present in what we do. Paying attention to every single detail involved in our experience, instead of doing things automatically.

Next time you sit down to eat dinner, practice mindfulness as you eat. Enjoy your meal, feel how it nourishes your body, and be appreciative of your blessings.

AGE WITH GRACE

Living in a society where youth and beauty are considered the optimal values it is not surprising that many people identify aging with something undesirable or totally strange to our way of being. But…. what about if we shift the negative attitude towards old age and start considering aging a process that promotes growth and spiritual development?

Ram Dass in his book Still Here stated that aging remains one of our culture’s last taboos and unfortunately, it is true. This is really sad because we need to understand that we are more than a number. Our chronological age, is not stamped on our forehead as a sign that we are not useful anymore. How do you feel about your age? Would you feel different if you lived in Asia, where elders are respected and valued?

We can have a more meaningful life if we change our attitude towards old age. Let’s not forget that everything starts in our thoughts and by changing our way of thinking we can change our lives and the lives of our elders. If we can center our lives more into being instead of doing or having, we would give ourselves the opportunity to discover that there is beauty and wisdom in old age.

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Copyright 2015-Present My Meaningful Life, LLC & Transform Your Loss

NOURISH YOUR SOUL

Are you feeling spiritual today?

Are you taking the time to nourish your soul?

Do you want to feel connected to others and to your inner self?

We, as human beings, have the need to incorporate the spiritual dimension (which already exists in us) into our lives if we want to live a holistic existence. But how can we become more spiritual? It all depends in our personal needs. For some of us prayer is a powerful tool in connecting us to a Higher Power or God. Others may find that nature brings solace and quietness to a busy day.

Others find meditation or yoga a way to explore deeper into the inner self. It doesn’t matter what skill we develop or which tool we utilize, what matters is to

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Copyright 2015-Present My Meaningful Life, LLC & Transform Your Loss

take the time to develop the invisible to enjoy even more the visible. Think about it. It only takes minutes a day to have a richer life!

IMAGINE AND ACHIEVE

If you take a look around you, you will notice many things: a chair, a computer, the telephone. All those physical objects started with an idea, including this book that you are reading! But there are some actions, which do not translate into things that also start with an idea. What is your big idea or dream? We all have one!

Don’t forget that any action originates in our thoughts and depending what kind of thoughts we have, we will also have certain feelings concerning those thoughts. If we can develop a thought into a positive idea (yes, we can control our thoughts!) we will be able to achieve our goals. We may want to finish a degree, start a new career or write a book.

It all starts in your head, goes through your heart and ends in the world. If we want to fulfill a meaningful dream let’s imagine it, believe in it, and create the impossible.

It is all in our head.

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Copyright 2015-Present My Meaningful Life, LLC & Transform Your Loss

NURTURE YOUR SELF

It is said over and over again: We do not take enough time for ourselves and…it is true! Throughout the day we have multiple commitments which generally include work, family matters, school, and friends. But…where do we fit into this busy schedule? What about time for ourselves? Actually, one of the biggest problems caregivers face is burnout.

Why is this?

Because they devote so much time and energy to take care for their loved ones that they forget to take care of themselves.

And we all do this, one way or another. Therefore, we need to take the time to relax and to do the things we enjoy doing, even if that means doing absolutely nothing! So, next time somebody asks you to do something…. pause, think about your un-met needs, and then respond from your heart.

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Copyright 2015-Present My Meaningful Life, LLC & Transform Your Loss

GRIEVE AND GROW

Life is out greatest gift but it also involves a succession of transitions that many times involve changes and losses. In the field of grief and loss, I have encountered people that pretend the loss wasn’t that important or even worse, they try to ignore it! However, what about if we acknowledge the loss? What about if we go through the grieving process, which is not easy, but that could bring meaning to the loss?

But what is a loss, you could ask?...

Well, it is something that has been taken from us and is painful. It could be the loss of a job, facing health problems, losing a friend, going through a separation or divorce, or facing death and dying. All these are losses and, although different in nature, they all involve a grieving process. If we don’t realize our loss, go through the grief work, and accommodate the loss in our lives, it will remain in our souls and in our minds like a shadow interfering with the development as a person. But if we recognize it and accept it as a part of life and as an opportunity to grow spiritually, we can evolve into a more wholly person and learn to live in a more meaningful manner.

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Copyright 2015-Present My Meaningful Life, LLC & Transform Your Loss

FEEL AND EXPRESS

Throughout the day we experience all kinds of feelings: happiness, sadness, confusion, anger or excitement, to name a few.

Are you aware of these emotions?

Even better…do you express your emotions on a regular basis?

In most cases we tend to feel our emotions and just internalize them. We do not express them as much as we should.

Why is that?

Sometimes it is the fear of being rejected. Other times it is to avoid showing vulnerability. Or it is simply because we assume people know what we are feeling. But…maybe they don’t! Are you sure that you express what you are really feeling? Or do you put on a mask over you face that shows to the world an emotion which is opposite to what you are really experiencing in your heart?

Therefore, starting today, become conscious of your emotions and share them with the people you care for. We don’t need to be happy or sad all the time. We just need to validate how we feel and be open about it. Let’s do not pretend that we don’t care or take somebody for granted.

Open your heart and express your feelings.

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Copyright 2015-Present My Meaningful Life, LLC & Transform Your Loss

UTILIZE YOUR GIFTS

We are all born with special qualities or gifts. Do you know yours? Or do you think you don’t have any gift to give to the world? If you are having a problem accepting the idea of how valuable you are, this is the time to do a special exercise. Take out a piece of paper and write a list of the things you are good at (this may include cooking a meal, writing a paper, or being loving). Write for 2 minutes non-stopping.

When you are finished, close your eyes and give yourself this message:

As I open my eyes I will be open to accept the gifts I have in my life and to share them with others.

Maybe all your life you have been a great teacher and you haven’t been aware of this quality (you enjoy sharing your knowledge with others). As you go through this process you may be surprised of how much you learn about yourself and how much you can contribute to the world.

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE

Can you live without love? I don’t think anybody can…but do we really love?

Generally, when we talk about love we refer to romantic love, you know, the type that develops between a couple and it is symbolized with little hearts and chocolate

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Copyright 2015-Present My Meaningful Life, LLC & Transform Your Loss

boxes. The kind of love I am referring here is a little broader and it starts with loving ourselves.

Do you love yourself?

Do you know how to love yourself?

It takes work and dedication to become a loving person. It requires commitment to love unconditionally and with open arms. It requires forgiveness and acceptance.

It needs nourishment and validation. It provides fulfillment and enjoyment.

Have you ever loved?

If you haven’t, evaluate the word of Leo Buscaglia, as stated in his book Born for Love, love is a choice. Therefore, start now your journey into discovering what real love is and be ready to give and receive without reservation. Love is what makes this life worth living.

*This article is being copyrighted and is a chapter of a book.