I n s i d e . . .

Royal AscentVillage Vanguard

Tale of the LionOr, the perils of refusing free ale

plus much more...

Lancaster’s LossDom Kiziuk moves to Malta

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Issue 00Issue 26 | April - June 2015 IIssue 00FREEpleasetake a copy

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Chairman: Michael Dillon

Branch Secretary: Martin Sherlocke: secretary@lunesdalecamra.org.ukt: 01524 66131

Treasurer: John Slinger

Lunesdale Drinker Editor: Cliff Lainee: editor@lunesdalecamra.org.ukt: 07810 507602 (call for a postal address)

Enquiries: drinker@lunesdalecamra.org.uk

Disclaimer: The views expressed in articles are those of individual contributors and are not necessarily the views of the Lunesdale Branch, The Campaign for Real Ale Ltd. Lunesdale CAMRA accepts no liability in relation to the accuracy of advertisements; readers must rely on their own enquiries. It should also be noted that acceptance of an advertisement in this publication should not be deemed an endorsement of quality by Lunesdale CAMRA.

© 2015 Capital Media Group. All Rights Reserved. No part of this publication may be transmitted, reproduced, recorded, photocopied or otherwise without the express written permission of the copyright holder.

Branch Contacts

PUBLISHED BY Capital Media Group, 1st Floor, Central Buildings, Middlegate, Newark-on-Trent, Nottinghamshire, NG24 1AGt: 01524 220 230 • e: hello@choose.capitalwww.choose.capital

This issue leads with two events centred around the Sun Hotel. As you may know

by now, the Sun has lost its outstanding chef Craig Johnson, who took his own life shortly before this magazine went to press, and said goodbye, under less dramatic circumstances, to its Manager Dom Kiziuk. I am very grateful to John Slinger, Hilary Kennet and Matt Jackson for providing their article about Craig, and I would like to extend a heartfelt sympathy to Craig’s girlfriend Becky, who, during an almost impossiby diffi cult time for her, provided me with the picture of Craig on the cover. Whilst Craig was not involved directly with the ale side of things at the Sun, the atmosphere amongst the real ale fraternity and beyond has shown the high regard in which Craig was held, and Hilary, John and Matt have captured some of this in their article. We also hope that Dom will be in touch with the address of his new bar in Malta so that anyone from Lancaster passing through can see whether he is still wearing, in Matt’s words, “those silly shoes.”

In other news, The Lord Ashton has reopened as The Juke Joint, another pub under Mark Cutter’s wing. We await reports, but while we’re on the subject

of Mr C, can I just say that the Gillow is now the only pub –not nightclub– where those of us who lead what the laity call disordered lives who might like a drink at 5am, for shift work or other reasons, can do so. Congrats. We have have also been DWAFing in February at the Dark and Winter Ales Festival. If anyone’s got any reports and pictures please send them in. It’s a fi ne initiative of Tim Tomlinson’s which does something to darken the hopped tide of modern tastes.

Literally on the night this was sent to our publishers, I was alerted to the news that the Royal Bar at Morecambe has been chosen, on a democratic vote (which, despite what I often hear, is not the result of a caballistic conclave involving brown envelopes and mysterious favours) - as Lunesdale CAMRA’s Pub of the Year, narrowly edging out by the slimmest of sliver-like margins, The Snug at Carnforth Station. We’ll will cover the award ceremony in the next edition.

Cliff Laineeditor@lunesdalecamra.org.uk078 1050 7602

EDITOR’S COLUMNCliff Laine

The Editor reserves the right to amend or shorten contributions for publication. All editorial copyright © Lunesdale CAMRA 2015.

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I am not sure I have very much to say at the moment but I would like to thank Tim

Tomlinson for once again organising the Dark and Winter Ales Week and hope this has encouraged more of you to try the excellent dark ales, stouts and porters being brewed in this country and by some of our local brewers. Thanks also to all of you who voted on the local pubs to be included in the 2016 Good Beer Guide and also for the nominations for our Pub Of The Year. To make the shortlist to be

considered for the Good Beer Guide emphasis was placed on beer quality and this was determined from the beer scores submitted by CAMRA members. So fi nally a big thank you to everyone who has taken the time to record the quality of the beer being served in our pubs. Please keep it up.

Happy Drinking

Michael DillonChairman

APRIL• Thursday 16th : 8pm : Branch Meeting, Stonewell Tavern (Lancaster)

MAY• Tuesday 12th : 8pm : Branch Meeting, Penny Street Bridge (Lancaster)

• Sunday 24th : Hike & Pint - Hest Bank- Carnforth. Meet 10 am outside the White Cross or noon at Hest Bank JUNE• Thursday 11th : 8pm : Branch Meeting, Borough (Lancaster) JULY • Saturday 11th : 12.30pm : The Lancashire Branches Summer Social 2015 will take place on Saturday afternoon meeting at the Twelve Tellers at around 12.30. This is a new Wetherspoon, and is an interesting bank conversion with a great deal of character. The Twelve Tellers is at 14/15 Church Street, PR1 3BQ, 5 minutes walk from Preston Bus Station and 10-15 minutes from the rail station

BEER FESTIVALS

• 9th - 11th April : Bolton Beer Festival :You can taste around forty real ales, cider and perry, and some Ukrainian craft beers - you don’t get many of them down your local. Bolton Ukrainian Club, 99 Castle St., BL21 1PL. www.boltonbeerfestival.org.uk

• 15th - 16th April : Clitheroe Beer Festival : Celebrating its tenth year at St Mary’s Centre on Church St – fi ve minutes’ walk the from station. CAMRA’s website warns of “severely restricted seating”, so it’s perhaps an opportunity to invite that person you’ve had your eye on for a while and be forced into close quarters over a half of Old Pig Farmer’s Armpit.

• Apologies...While we’re on the subject, I would like to apologise to everyone involved with Lancaster Beer Festival for not mentioning it last time. My memory and diary-keeping both leave something to be desired.

If you are running an event that you’d like to be included here please contact Martin. Ring or send a quick email and give us a little reminder about dates. It would be greatly appreciated.

FUTURE EVENTS

Please send details of future events as early as possible please to Martin Sherlock at secretary@lunesdalecamra.org.uk or ring them through to 01524 66131

For more details keep an eye on our website at www.lunesdalecamra.org.uk

CHAIRMAN’S NOTEMichael Dillon

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On the early hours of Wednesday 11th February, Craig Johnson, 30,

celebrated Chef and friend to hundreds, sadly took his own life at his home. It has left all that knew him so shocked and empty as his very being fi lled so many lives. We all truly believe that he was that he was oblivious to how many life long friends he had amassed in such a short life.

He came to Lancaster from his home town of Grimsby eleven years ago at the age of 19. After working in various kitchens including the Borough and the Water Witch he fi nally settled at the Sun Hotel where

he was allowed to let his talents run free. Hilary and I fi rst met him the fi rst month

the Borough was open, we had just eaten and at the bar he asked how the food was, for someone he had never met he remembered every dish he had cooked for us. This was the start of a life long friendship.

His passion was food not just cooking, he would butcher his own beasts, fi sh and shoot for fresh produce, make his own sausages and if he had a couple of hours free in the afternoon he was sometimes found trying out new recipes in our kitchen, giving Hilary a master class in cooking at the same time. When he worked at the Borough several staff could not get home for Christmas so he brought them to our house and cooked a most amazing dinner for all, he thought about every one.

He always wanted to present a gruff unapproachable exterior, but that never ever lasted as he s a true softy. Once that façade was broken, he could never be thought of as anything other than what was truly him, a genuine man with a massive talent which was so engaging, it embraced all.

CRAIG JOHNSON - FOND MEMORIES by John Slinger (with help from Hilary Kennett & Matt Jackson)

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We laugh about his passion now, when his perfection was not met. I remember when he wouldn’t allow his scotch eggs out, as to his mind, they were overcooked, they were amazing! He was hilarious when his profiteroles were falling from his chicken wire tower. People were just gob-smacked at his audacity, his creative imagination, the scale of his projects. He was devastated that some didn’t stick, to everyone it was this truly creative talent and emotion what embraced him to us, genius, adventurer, challenger... Craig our friend. The list of his crazy ideas is stuff of legend and quite possibly won’t be seen again.

A couple of things stick out in my mind, one afternoon in the Sun he said he had never tasted pickled eggs so we took him home to try one we had recently made, he proceeded to tell us how many seconds too long we overcooked the eggs by, we had not reduced the vinegar sufficiently and made suggestions on ways to improve them. The other was when he nearly burnt the Sun down, he left a pan on the cooker when he went to relive himself, on his return the kitchen was on fire and attempts to put it out resulted in a more serious fire, the end result was a complete new kitchen, was this the only way to get Matt to buy a new one?

The pressure that Craig put on himself, clearly became too much. He lost his brother tragically eight months ago and the inquest that left an open verdict on the very same day he took his life was clearly the trigger that no one saw coming. Such a tragedy, such a loss. So senseless.

Craig, if you can understand now all of our thoughts of you, please rest well in the knowledge that you never ever realised how we all felt. As you examined your flaws we marvelled in you, your endearment, your talent. You never understood just who you were. The greatest! One only hopes that you truly at rest now.

The York Hotel

• Quality Beers, Spirits and Wines•Cask Ales •Darts and Pool

• Outside Patio • Quality Food• Full Sky Sports/ESPN Package

• Free wireless internet

87 Lancaster RoadMorecambe

LA4 5QH01524 425353

www.yorkhotelmorecambe.co.uk

ALL CASK ALES £2 ON TUESDAYS

The Snug Micropub

at Carnforth Station

Open Tuesday to Saturday 12 noon - 2pm & 5pm - 9pm& Sundays 12.30pm - 3pm

Call: 07927 396861Blog: thesnugmicropub.blogspot.co.ukEmail: the.snug.carnforth@gmail.comFacebook: www.facebook.com/thesnugmicropub

We serve Real Ale, Wine & Soft Drinks

No lager, spirits, music, TV

or gaming machines

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One of the oldest pubs in the area, the Royal Hotel at Heysham,

welcomed Joe Walker, its new manager, on 15th December. Joe is half Greek and describes his upbringing as “one long Big Fat Greek Wedding”, working since a small child in his family’s restaurant, eventually mastering all the various jobs from front of house, kitchen, the back office, and everything in-between.

Since then he has built up an impressive journeyman’s CV, and already a restaurant manager in Hull at the age of eighteen. Since then thirty years’ experience in the licensed trade has followed, including early stints with Mansfield Brewery in which he began to accumulate a string of CAMRA, amongst which are Pub of the Year and twice Pub of the Season - as well as an AA rosette - for the Moyles Hotel in Hebden Bridge. And a Pub of the Season at the Charter Arms in Rotherham.

In the course of talking about pub food, Joe told me he once had to turn down a good job offer from Heston Blumenthal, no less. The job did not come with accommodation, a major disadvantage in an area where even a well-paid job such as the one Blumenthal was offering would mean most of one’s salary swallowed up in rent. However, Berkshire’s loss is Heysham’s gain.

The pub has six hand pulls at the moment. My Lytham Blonde was in tip top condition, beautifully translucent and fresh-tasting, preserving all that characteristic Fylde flavour which I assume comes from their water sources.

How that might change when the Fylde is fracked to death, we will see, but that is a question for another journal.

Joe has an innovative method of letting you know about the beer range (all of which, card-carrying CAMRA members can enjoy at a 10% discount). I for one, perhaps having spent too much time in Lancashire, had never come across this before, but before I left, Joe inducted me as the fifty-second member of the pub’s Cask Ale Club. It works by you registering your mobile number, after which you will receive text updates of the new guests on the bar, together with brief tasting notes. Moreover, Joe said that “it’s not intended to be just a one-way process. I want to know what you like too.” He is very keen to source beers that people might request, once dumbfounding a customer who assured Joe that he would never be able to source any beer from Donnington’s. They brew in a small plant in Stow-on-the-Wold and their beers normally never stray beyond the Cotswolds. “If it’s being brewed today, I can get it,” said Joe. And he did.

Along with Joe, we are glad to welcome the pub’s new chef Craig Timmis, Assistant Manager Fiona Young and the other members of the team. The Royal, I hope it’s fair to say, has experienced its ups and downs over the last couple of years, with our roving branch members reporting mixed experiences. We look forward to the new team bringing the pub back to the beacon of quality ale, food and service that it deserves to be. Kalí tíhi, Joe!

Cliff Laine visits the village vanguard

ROYAL ASCENT

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Eleven long years ago, Dom was sent to me as a possible temporary staff

member, by an old manager of mine at the Water Witch, Liz Dugdale. She remembered him as a ‘good guy’ who used to work at the Sultan. He was looking for a bit of work since returning from Australia so he could save and go back. So here he was, yet another youngster that couldn’t shave (still can’t, by the way) who uttered the ridiculous comment “can I have cash in hand?” During this shambles of an interview, there were a few comments that caught my attention. He started off criticising the standards at the Water Witch. Service wasn’t right, products weren’t right, and the crux of it, he thought it was over-rated.

At the time, the Water Witch was changing the Lancaster pub scene forever, picking up awards at National level including

Supreme Champion Pub of the UK, yet I had this boy in front of me telling me in his fi nest Skerton English what he thought of me and my company; it was certainly an interesting interview technique.

However, though I didn’t admit it to him, I agreed with him. Awards are one thing, but at the time I felt the Water Witch was arrogant about their own successes and were getting lazy. Back then it had not yet stood up against the competition that we associate with Lancaster now! So I challenged him to work a shift there and report back. He did, and admitted to being challenged like never before, by the range, glassware, and food offering, but mostly by the customer expectations.

I had to make sure that Phil, my partner, was on board. It was a meeting I won’t forget in a hurry. Dom turned up in a turtleneck sweater and a black beany hat (at least I think that’s what he called it) and he still hadn’t shaved. Phil was then a Director for a recruiting fi rm and knew how to interview, unlike me who trusts a good old hunch about someone. After an “on your head be it” from Phil – Dom was

in charge .This new

found romance of me and Dom didn’t start well. Like all relationships, they need to be worked on. It must have been hard for him as I was still in view to the customers

DOM KIZIUK - LANCASTER’S LOSS

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Matt Jackson waves Dom off to the Med

Dom Kiziuk and Craig Johnsonto the customers

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and suppliers. Like all younger landlord/ladies (and police) respect, although deserved, is not always given due to the age barrier and a stigma associated with it.

I mention this story as it demonstrates the rough diamond that he was. I would be a very wealthy man now if I knew how to bottle his meteoric rise to who he has become now. It wasn’t me, as I was just an opportunity to him, a wage. He became who he is by himself.

A lot of this rise was perhaps due to his treatment from the old Water Witch staff, who had nothing but contempt for him. You can imagine their thoughts when he was he picked ahead of them? He not only learnt how to deal with them, he learnt how to replace them with those that worked his way. He set his own standards to beyond what Lancaster knew or knows now and I challenge any other pub landlord or operator to dispute that in the nicest way possible.

A day arrived when there was a realisation that I wasn’t only not needed at the Sun, I wasn’t wanted. Was this not upsetting for me? Not really, as it is what I wanted. However it still came as a shock. He oozes control now as he glides through the room, apart from his ridiculous shoes clip clopping along the way. There is no doubt to a stranger to town that he is the man in charge. Please don’t get me wrong he still drives me insane, but we are very clear, it is his pub, not mine or Phil’s. I still get incensed at things like chocolate sauce on coffee or sparging glassware for beer, but he trains his staff to do everything his way so the customer experience is the same every time.

Eleven years is a long time for anyone in any position, but in the licensing trade he is the grand old man of Lancaster. Of course we have more than patched up any differences me and him have had over the years and perhaps unfortunately get on rather too well. We share many stories of misdemeanours and ill thought nights out. I have only ever been thrown out of one bar ever and that was due to an over-emotion of his. Over the years he has become such a friend that he was the only member of C2 that was an usher at my overdue wedding.

He is off to run his own bar/bistro/café (fill in the blank) in Malta. I am certain that he will be a success and that we will see him only on brief visitations as it seems he

will be there to stay. Our loss, Lancaster’s loss, but everyone I know is very proud to have been part of that journey and we are all so much richer for the experience.

He leaves the Sun in the very capable hands of his long serving and suffering deputy Gemma. We are very proud to have such good staff retention in our pubs and Gemma is no exception having amassed eight years with the company herself. We are very confident that it will be a seamless transition. This is not to highlight an injustice to Dom, quite the opposite, it’s because of Dom that the Sun will remain the pub in Lancaster that others aspire to be like.

FRONT COVERS?

PUB NEWS

The branch would like to issue an unconditional apology for last issue’s cover photograph. Those responsible will be led in chains to Market Square and made to drink a gallon of Greene King IPA, just as soon as we can work out the logistics. To help prevent a recurrence of this sort, we are asking for your help.

We know there are lots of excellent photographers out there: can you take a picture for our cover? All sorts of subjects are suitable: pubs, breweries, landladies, your mates enjoying a night out...as long as it’s vaguely relevant to the aims of this magazine, we’ll consider it.

No payment (unless someone reading this wants to offer one) – just the kudos of seeing your work and name in print.

As we go to press, we have discovered that Thwaites have sold the Packet Boat (Bolton-le-Sands) to an unknown buyer without any previous announcement. In this case though, there may be some locals prepared to fight to keep it open. Hopefully, there will be more to tell in the next issue.

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Part 6: Tatham & Wray by Lawrence Bland

LUNESDALE COUNTRY PUBS

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The Bridge at Tatham

Two remaining pubs both regularly feature in the Good Beer Guide and

are both well worth a visit. Stagecoach run buses 80 and 81B, which pass close by both pubs, with trains to Wennington, on the Lancaster to Leeds line, handy for the Bridge. You can walk between the two on the main road but this is not recommended!

Tatham parish is rather a scattered one, but on the north bank of the River Wenning, the church of St. James the Less dates back to the Norman era. It was rebuilt in the 15th century, and has later additions.

The Bridge in Tatham is a Mitchell’s pub. The main building dates to 1744 with the side one to 1642. Open 12-11 Monday, Tuesday, Friday & Saturday, 12-2.15 & 5-11 Wednesday & Thursday and

12-10.30 Sunday Tasty food is available lunchtime and evenings, and all day Sunday. There is usually Black Sheep and York Guzzler along with a guest.

Several pubs used to exist, which served the old pack horse trails over Tatham Fells to Slaidburn. Higher Craggs closed long ago, the Moor Cock at Balshaw closed in 1889, and at Lowgill, the Rose & Crown, a former Yates & Jackson pub, closed in 1961. Nearby Wennington, also had a pub. Opening with the railway around 1849, the Junction was soon renamed Dawsons Arms, then the Fosters Arms, before in 1959 becoming the Crazy Cow milk bar, now closed.

Wray, nowadays more famous for its scarecrow festival in the week leading up to May Day, I’m told once had six pubs. Only one remains, the George & Dragon, another Mitchell’s pub, open 12-2 & 5-12 Monday to Thursday, 12-12 Friday & Saturday and 12-10.30 Sundays. Good food is available lunchtimes and all day Sunday. The New Inn, briefl y reopened as the Inn at Wray, closed in 2012. The Crown & Thistle, closed many years ago. I can’t trace the other three pubs, but they were probably 18th century beer houses.

It’s a pity the old railway line, closed in 1966, is not open as a public walk and cycle way as it would make a nice pleasant level route from Hornby and Lancaster.

The Bridge at Tatham

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Westmorland CAMRA POTY 2011

Traditional Real Ales

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Plaque commemorating the Pendle Witches, who called at the Golden Lion before going to the gallows in 1612

When I worked at the Castle as a tour guide I used to tell a tale, thoroughly

documented with reliable heresay and peer-reviewed hogwash, of the day when someone was condemned to death in the court there, and was put onto the cart to go up to the old hanging site at Golgotha. The cart stopped, as was the custom, at the Golden Lion, where the condemned was offered the chance to have a fi nal drink. He declined, being a teetotaller, and they continued up the hill.

At that same moment, a prosecution witness, watching the man being led to his death, had a pang of conscience and rushed to the judge to tell him that her evidence was fabricated. The judge hurriedly wrote out a pardon, and gave it to a messenger with instructions to run up to the Golden Lion. By the time he got there, the wrongly convicted was up at Golgotha, dangling from a rope. “Such,” I used to say, “are the perils of refusing a free drink.”

The Golden Lion, or “The Whittle” as it is still known by many, has been a central venue for my drinking career. When I worked there as a student, and had to warn any offcomers about a more modern peril, that of unknowingly sitting in landlady’s Pat Rodgers’s seat when we heard her and her red high heels clack-clacking down the stairs at about half past

ten, when customers and staff alike would straighten themselves up to receive her.

I could never tell when we would get a lock-in, but on one

Or, the perils of refusing free ale

THE TALE OF THE LION

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occasion when we did, and having helped myself to an unknown quantity of Old Peculiar, I called it a night and began to cycle home to the farm where I lived at the time. A hundred or so yards from my front door, I came over a bit tired and emotional, and so I laid down on the grass verge at the bottom of Bailrigg Lane, thinking I’d have a wee nap before continuing. I was prodded awake by a policeman who said he’d had a report of someone who’d had a bike accident and was lying unconscious by the side of the road.

Today, the pub is, as the previous editor of this magazine described it – “one of the last proper boozers in Lancaster”. But that doesn’t mean it’s all spit, sawdust and Carling. It’s one of Lancaster’s main live music venues and landlord Jon has supported local bands and DJs for years. My favourite night, from a busy programme, is Donald Read and Steve Jarvis’s Funky Lion nights. The pub is crowded with girls in secondhand dresses, plastic dragonfl y hairgrips, red alice bands – that sort of thing -- postgrad foreign students delighted to have found a proper pub as opposed to an identikit Eurobar, and louche, well-meaning men, nodding or -- in extremis, dancing -- to a brilliant selection of un-obvious funk and psychedelic soul from the late 50s onwards.

It’s a pub where you can be both left alone, or be included. A few years ago a wandering

German strolled in at about 6pm. We gathered he’d been at a conference at the Uni about feminist perspectives on knicker elastic in Schleswig-Holstein, or something. He had eschewed the offi cial conference meal, and had found us instead – curious, like any sensible German, about our beer. We had a couple of hours of fi ne Anglo-German banter, and when “Fritz” – as we had christened him – left, a chorus went up to get him to tarry a little longer.

The ping-pong of conversation that night had a lot to do with Bex, a barmaid who, for several years, has been fl inging back expert insults and put-downs. Matt, who joined the pub a little later, is now doing the same job very well, making me feel utterly unwelcome each time I am in. And with all that, a lovely coal fi re, and at least fi ve real ales, including a regular Butcombe beer at a most reasonable £ 2 . 6 0 , t h e r e ’ s no good r e a s o n why you shouldn’t be there too.

PUBS WITH CAMRA DISCOUNT

MORECAMBE• Kings Arms (LA4 4BJ) - 20% off• Royal Hotel (LA4 4BJ) - 20p off a pint• York (LA4 5QH) - All cask ales @ £2 a pintGARSTANG• Wheatsheaf (PR3 1EL) - 20p off a pintGALGATE• Plough (LA2 0LQ) - 40p off a pintHEYSHAM• Royal Hotel (LA3 2RN) - 10% off

This list is believed to be accurate, but may of course change without notice. Some pubs don’t give discount on half pints. Email any errors or omissions to editor@lunesdalecamra.org.uk

LANCASTER• Bobbin (LA1 1HH) - 30p off a pint• The Borough (LA1 1PP) - £1 off a pint• Fibber McGee’s (LA1 1UP) - 30p off a pint• Greaves Park (LA1 3AH) - 30p off a pint• Lord Ashton (LA1 1NY) - 20% off• Merchants (LA1 1YN) - 10p off a pint• Penny Bank (LA1 1XF) - 10p off a pint• Penny Street Bridge (LA1 1XT) - 30p off a pint• Robert Gillow (LA1 1HP) - 10% off• Study Room (LA1 1LH) - 10% off• Tap House (LA1 1UH) - 10% off• Three Mariners (LA1 1EE) - 10p off a pint• Water Witch (LA1 1SU) - 30p off a pint• White Cross (LA1 4XT) - 10p off a pint

Members need to be in possession of a current valid CAMRA membership card to claim the discount.

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16 | Issue26

BILLINGHAM & NORTON, COUNTY DURHAM

My Dad didn’t last long once the ulcers set in, and he died in North

Tees University Hospital (to be branded as Capita Healthcare Pay As You Go Outcomes Centre, if this lot gets in again). It was Christmas, and we didn’t want to leave Mum alone, and she wanted to take us out for “a slap-up meal” at the Half Moon Inn, the new-ish Wetherspoons in Billingham, a made-up chemical town from the 30s on the outskirts of Middlesbrough where my parents have ended up. My Dad, literally.

Drinking three pints of Yorkshire Porter at 7%, followed by a pint of Katy cider at 7.4% was possibly not the most inspired decision when going on a day out with the extended family, none of whom drink. It’s a fine beer though, from North Yorkshire Brewery in Guisborough, and it’s organic, which means you can drink a gallon of it and still be charming, intelligent and gentlemanly.

The tightly-clad ski resort hostesses were there, the daughters of what appears to be my mum’s only close friend (but then, how many do you need?) -- seated at a safe distance from any drunken flirting of mine which I might disguise as an interest in chalet life in Crans-Montana. My mum, to my astonishment, asked to try my Yorkshire Porter. She sucked a tiny amount up through a straw and puckered up her face with wincing distaste. Then, to compound my surprise, my brother made the same request, but reported more favourably, saying “that’s not bad.”

We went back to my Mum’s and sat around for a few hours afterwards, until the balance between concern and alcohol withdrawl tipped me in the direction of leaving. We checked into our B&B in Norton, a couple of miles away,

and walked into town. What a place. Under the unforgiving glare of the

overpowered bulbs in the Norton Tavern we got we got talking to a broad-set family trio, and together we won a grand total of nothing in the football sweepstake. The Welsh Rarebit had Doom Bar and I had Jennings Cumberland, at £2.40, both somewhat hard going. As soon as the sweepstake finished, the pub declared the time for conversation over by starting up the canned music.

On the recommendation of our new pals, we went off to the Wetherspoons, The Highland Laddie. There, we became impromptu counsellors for a bloke who, during one of those long collective synchronised visits to the toilet that women enjoy, ruminated about whether she was his girlfriend or not. The atmosphere was zinging, everyone got served quickly, and I enjoyed several bargain £2.05 pints of Mordue Workie Ticket. Not-girlfriend came back and they returned to their conversation, negotiating their status.

We got talking instead to a couple at the next table. They’d heard me mention real ale and CAMRA and unfortunately that sent the conversation into a rather technical ale-related manly area in which I wasn’t much interested. I was a little worried that we’d descend into Recommended Motoring Routes Around Teeside, a dull subject to an easily bored non-driver, or that I’d have to explain “what I do,” to which I sometimes answer, “all sorts of things, most of which I don’t get paid for.” But no-one likes a clever clogs, and with adroit timing, his wife joined back in and asked me what we were doing in Norton. “My Dad’s died. I feel a bit funny sitting here like this as he was evangelically teetotal.” Perhaps sensing it was getting a bit deep for a Saturday night on the lash, they discovered that their bus home was leaving soon.

Tadeusz Szczepanski is in the northeast, making the best of bereavement

TADDY’S TRAVELS

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By the title I mean, from the Guild of British Beer Samplers, to Finished All Real

Ale Tasting Sessions. These two acronyms started off in Whitley Bay. I have been an offshoot of both for fi fty years, sampling and ticking – yes, I am that strange man in the corner writing notes and inspecting the pint.

Now, after 16,000 plus, I have stopped counting. But not drinking. From that vast list, here is my Top Twenty.

1 Shipstone’s Bitter (from Nottingham in the 1970s)

2 Robinson’s Old Tom 8.5%

3 Empire Strikes Back 4.0%

4 Dobbins West Country Yakima Grand Pale Ale 5.5 – 6.0%

5 Tigertops Vicar of Millom 7.2%

6 Yates & Jackson’s Bitter

7 Blackamoor Banana Madness 4.6%

8 Walkers Winter Warmer

9 Williams Fraoch Heather Ale 5.0%

10 Caledonia ESA 6.4%

11 Loddon Forbury Lion Strong IPA 5.5%

12 Ionian Coffee Porter (Corfu) 4.5%

13 Long Man American Pale Ale (4.8%

14 Green Jack Ripper 8.5%

15 Abbeydale Black Lurcher 7.0%

16 Bowness Bay Braille Ale 4.5%

17 Hydes XXXX 6.8%

18 Ilkley Green Goddess 5.5%

19 Marble Ginger 4.5%

20 Gloucester Gold 3.9%

With a thousand plus breweries now in the UK I can’t keep up but will try!

with Alan Gardner, who assures me this article is not as rude as it seems!

FROM GOBBS TO FARTS

Call 01524 220 230or visit www.lunesdaledrinker.com

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Westmorland CAMRA Cider & Perry Pub of the Year 2013/2014Westmorland CAMRA Real Ale Pub of the Year 2014

THE GEORGE & DRAGON HOTEL

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