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© 2020 Mercy Medical Center
September 2020
901 8th Avenue SE | Cedar Rapids, IA 52401 | (319) 221-8866
[email protected] | www.familycaregiverscenter.org
Centered News
Transition to Transformation
At the Family Caregivers Center, we talk a lot about change and transitions. Recently, I read an article that gave me a new perspective. It was one of those “duh” moments when what I discerned from the article seemed so obvious that I couldn’t believe that it seemed new. I felt like I should have known what it said.
Welcome to the Unknown
The article was “Welcome to the Unknown – How to have courage when there is no path,” by Jeremy Hunter. Hunter says that changes are distinct from transitions; that changes are events and transitions are “inner shifts of identity, possibility and belief that occur to help us assimilate and adjust to the changes.” He says transitions don’t occur automatically and usually take effort.
Transitions Take Work
Hunter suggests that transitions “throw down monsters” that must be overcome before a person can move ahead. While changes are inevitable, he believes that they are harbingers of transition because something familiar – a role, a way of living, a relationship – has come to an end. These endings often come with despair, grief and a sense that the future may be impossible. Endings need to be acknowledged. It is in the acknowledging of endings that a way is cleared for new beginnings. Hunter states that life is a series of cycles of beginnings, endings and new beginnings.
Uncomfortableness, Letting Go and Perseverance
In times of endings and transitions, everyone looks for answers and the “way out” because it is so uncomfortable. Hunter suggests that the uncomfortableness is one of the monsters to be faced and that the next monster is to determine what to let go, of that doesn’t work anymore. Facing what doesn’t work anymore and letting it go can be balanced by new things that may work better. Hunter says perseverance (another monster) is necessary and needs to be continued until “something sticks.” As I pondered these thoughts, the word “transformation” came to mind. As caregivers, it seems we are constantly faced with changes that call for us to make transitions, that lead to transformation of life as we knew it, to life as we now know it.
-Kathy Good, Director, Family Caregivers Center
Thank you for your support!
The Family Caregivers Center is donor-funded.
Gifts help support programming and
respite for caregivers.
Events during COVID-19:
To ensure caregiver safety and to practice social distancing, all Family Caregivers Center group events will be held via Zoom until further notice. Events are subject to change in light of the current conditions.
The Center has had contact with 1,157 caregivers since it opened December 17, 2015 with 629 of these caregivers caring for some one living with dementia.
When you are related, married or have shared history with
someone, you learn their behavior patterns and usually know
what to expect from them. Dementia can cause these behavior
patterns to change. Dr. Allen Power states, “Dementia is a
shift in the way someone experiences the world around them.”
The person is not able to take in and make sense of what’s
around them in the way they used to. In order to communicate
with and provide assistance for a person living with dementia,
we need to learn to shift our expectations. This can be
challenging.
My grandmother lived with dementia for many years. During
that time, my family saw her behavior change as her condition
progressed. As her behavior changed, our expectations of her
changed. Initially, she was able to still drive short distances,
help with household chores, and participate in social groups.
We still had the same expectations of her behavior.
She had a stroke a few years later, progressing her memory
loss. She would pack a bag and the car every night to go back
to her childhood home. They had downsized and moved to
Marion to be closer to my family. We learned to provide
reassurance and tried redirecting or going on a drive. She
would tell stories about Uncle Carl visiting from Kansas City.
He had been gone for years. We learned not to argue, but to
listen and appreciate her excitement. We had to adjust our
expectations.
When someone is living with dementia, behaviors can
communicate the feelings they can no longer say. Shifting
our expectations as dementia progresses allows us to meet
someone in their reality and respond with patience and
understanding. - Abby Martin, Center Manager
Dear Abby,
My mom has started to have issues with balance and had a bad fall a couple months ago. Her memory is fine, but she refuses to use her walker or do anything her therapists recommend. When I remind her to use her walker, she only becomes angry. What should I do? From, Nancy Dear Nancy,
It can be difficult to watch someone you care about have issues, especially when you know they are not doing what they could to help themselves. As we age, we will likely face many changes or losses that are hard to accept. Using a walker or cane can be embarrassing to someone who is used to being very independent. It may also feel like a physical sign of aging and the need for more future help. Despite recommendations, it is sometimes easier for a person to deny there is a concern and admit things are changing than acknowledge reality. Here’s some suggestions to try: • Talk compassionately with your mom about your
concerns and your fears of her falling. She probably feels you are trying to take of control her life. Discussing how you both feel may lead to a better understanding.
• Work with your mom to move furniture and remove rugs. Install grab bars, raised toilet seats or non-slip mats in the bathroom. Move commonly used items within reach and remove clutter. Make sure frequently used spaces and walkways are clear and have adequate lighting.
• Encourage your mom to wear shoes, socks or slippers with grips on the bottom when walking inside or out.
• Make sure your mom’s walker is the right fit for her (height, grip, wheels, etc.). If it is not, her doctor, therapist or nearest home medical store can adjust it to feel more comfortable.
• Visit or call regularly to check in. • Invest in a Life Alert or carrying case for your mom to
wear her cell phone in the event of a fall. • Brainstorm a contingency plan in the event your mom
falls again. Your mom is an adult and sounds capable of making her own decisions, even if they aren’t always safe. I know you want her to be safe and want what’s best for her but only she can change her actions. Sometimes no matter what you do, the only thing that will change a situation is the next fall.
- Abby Martin, Center Manager
“Ask Abby” is a column dedicated to answering caregiver questions. If you would like to submit a question, email it to [email protected].
What’s New?
We have a new picnic table for socially distant meetings outdoors! A big thank you to Rinderknecht Associates and Odgen & Adams who generously donated labor, lumber, and the perfect orange umbrella!
© 2020 Mercy Medical Center
© 2020 Mercy Medical Center
September 2020 Events Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat
1 Male Caregiver Coffee 8 - 10 a.m.
2 Chair Yoga 10 - 10:45 a.m.
Transitions Out Support Group 2 - 3:30 p.m.
3 Take 10: Mindfulness 10 - 10:10 a.m.
4
5
6 7 Office Closed
8 Male Caregiver Coffee 8 - 10 a.m.
Mindful Caregiver Support Group 1:30 - 3 p.m.
9 Chair Yoga 10 - 10:45 a.m.
Call-In Support Group 1:30 - 3 p.m.
10 Medicaid Q &A 9 - 10:30 a.m.
11
12
13
14 Music with Friends 10 - 10:45 a.m.
15 Male Caregiver Coffee 8 - 10 a.m.
16 Chair Yoga 10 - 10:45 a.m.
17 Take 10: Tapping 10 - 10:10 a.m.
Conversations for Couples 5 - 6:30 p.m.
18 19
20
21
22 Male Caregiver Coffee 8 - 10 a.m.
Mindful Caregiver Support Group 1:30 - 3 p.m.
23 Chair Yoga 10 - 10:45 a.m.
Call-In Support Group 1:30 - 3 p.m.
24 Take 10: How to live in the Present 10 - 10:10 a.m.
25 26
27
28 Music with Friends 10 - 10:45 a.m.
29 Male Caregiver Coffee 8 - 10 a.m.
30 Chair Yoga 10 - 10:45 a.m.
To Register:
Call (319) 221-8866 or email [email protected].
How do I use Zoom?
To participate in a meeting, you can call in with your phone or use your desktop, tablet or smart phone app.
Joining by Phone: • Dial the number and when prompted, enter
the meeting ID.
Joining by Video: • To use Zoom to video conference from your
desktop, create a free account by going to https://zoom.us/signup and follow the step-by-step instructions. To use a tablet or smart phone, download the Zoom app from the App Store and set-up an account.
• To join a meeting, click on the link provided or copy the link in your web browser. You can also click on “Join A Meeting” and enter the Meeting ID and password.
One-on-One Meetings
Individual meetings with a trained volunteer or staff member are available for caregivers interested in discussing their situation. During a one-on-one we help caregivers by providing reassurance, guidance, education and connection to community and Center resources. To request a one-on-one meeting, please call the Center at (319) 221-8866 or email [email protected].
‘Take 10’ are 10 to 15 minute talks about a variety of
caregiving topics. Join us via Zoom at the scheduled
time or watch the recording at your convenience. Visit
the Mercy Medical Center YouTube page and click on
playlists to find Family Caregivers Center videos.
https://www.youtube.com/user/MercyMedicalCenterCR/
© 2020 Mercy Medical Center
Tues
1st
8 - 10 a.m.
Male Caregiver Coffee A Zoom support group for male caregivers. Come share your story, network with other male caregivers, and learn caregiving tips. No registration required.
888-788-0099 | Meeting ID: 980 7554 0457 | Password: 696282 https://zoom.us/j/98075540457?pwd=Zlp6MVRqZlV1OEh6djhtVkpyczZEQT09
Wed
2nd
10 - 10:45 a.m. Chair Yoga Try chair yoga via Zoom with volunteer instructor Diane Wiesenfeld. No complicated or complex movements and no previous experience with yoga needed. No registration required.
888-788-0099 | Meeting ID: 942 5630 1375 | Password: 177898 https://zoom.us/j/94256301375?pwd=bk5OTWRrNTA3b0lvNEVVQ2c3MnJrUT09
Wed
2nd
2 - 3:30 p.m. Transitions Out Support Group A Zoom support group open to those who have participated in the Transitions out of Caregiving Series following the death of the person they were caring for. No registration required.
888-788-0099 | Meeting ID: 918 2200 2420 | Password: 964754 https://zoom.us/j/91822002420?pwd=Yk1MY0lNK2IweXNkSmluQS9wbGZIUT09
Thurs
3rd
10 - 10:10 a.m. Take 10: Mindfulness Take ten minutes via Zoom to learn more about the practice of mindfulness and how it can be beneficial for caregivers. No registration required.
888-788-0099 | Meeting ID: 956 0639 6984 | Password: 586932 https://zoom.us/j/95606396984?pwd=RDZOeWozbEJVLzRKalA5TmZDWDlSdz09
Tues
8th
8 - 10 a.m.
Male Caregiver Coffee A Zoom support group for male caregivers. Come share your story, network with other male caregivers, and learn caregiving tips. No registration required.
888-788-0099 | Meeting ID: 985 7473 9965 | Password: 882644 https://zoom.us/j/98574739965?pwd=TTNBUUJMMng2dll2VUpOMCtlSXk4dz09
Tues
8th
1:30 - 3 p.m. Mindful Caregiver Support Group A Zoom support group open to those who have participated in the Mindful Caregiver Book Study. No registration required.
888-788-0099 | Meeting ID: 995 5487 2356 | Password: 802722 https://zoom.us/j/99554872356?pwd=L0hlM3dUVlpPbHVmdVZLZ3hncitlQT09
Wed
9th
10 - 10:45 a.m. Chair Yoga Try chair yoga via Zoom with volunteer instructor Diane Wiesenfeld . No complicated or complex movements and no previous experience with yoga needed. No registration required.
888-788-0099 | Meeting ID: 966 5395 7464 | Password: 564053 https://zoom.us/j/96653957464?pwd=NnIrOUNSZjVGZFJNTG1leDQ5N3V2dz09
Wed
9th
1:30 - 3 p.m.
Call-in Support Group A Zoom support group offering connection with other caregivers in like circumstances. Find support as you share your story and hear from others. No registration required.
888-788-0099 | Meeting ID: 944 7833 4417 | Password: 296006 https://zoom.us/j/94478334417?pwd=cCtHdGtsMUF3b0FBNy9pUDBlTmpvdz09
Thurs
10th
9 - 10 a.m. Medicaid Q &A Iowa Legal Aid Attorney Lisa Gavin, and Iowa Department of Human Services Representative Lori Gibson, representative , will be available via Zoom to answer questions on Medicaid. No registration required.
888-788-0099 | Meeting ID: 912 3749 9440 | Password: 779509 https://zoom.us/j/91237499440?pwd=NHg3ZW1idkNwck1vUzBSODlFNFA4dz09
© 2020 Mercy Medical Center
Mon
14th
10 - 10:45 a.m.
Music with Friends Join volunteer minstrel Richard Hanson via Zoom in a sing-a-long with others who enjoy music and singing familiar tunes. No registration required.
888-788-0099 | Meeting ID: 984 1380 0280 | Password: 873369 https://zoom.us/j/98413800280?pwd=cENzQzFqUm1IY1cyTElrbXZRL3BIUT09
Tues
15th
8 - 10 a.m.
Male Caregiver Coffee A Zoom support group for male caregivers. Come share your story, network with other male caregivers, and learn caregiving tips. No registration required.
888-788-0099 | Meeting ID: 945 0128 2331 | Password: 288994 https://zoom.us/j/94501282331?pwd=ZDFDOWZSVVVxY1lzZUwrdnpudjlCUT09
Wed
16th
10 - 10:45 a.m. Chair Yoga Try chair yoga via Zoom with volunteer instructor Diane Wiesenfeld. No complicated or complex movements and no previous experience with yoga needed. No registration required.
888-788-0099 | Meeting ID: 915 8495 5032 | Password: 886390 https://zoom.us/j/91584955032?pwd=QlpRNnF3akwzclV1V2xZRGo4MkY1dz09
Thurs
17th
10 - 10:10 a.m. Take 10: Tapping Take ten minutes via Zoom with Sandy Holterhaus, RDN, LD, CYT with Collins Aerospace Rec Center, as she shares about the practice of tapping. Learn how tapping can be beneficial for caregivers by releasing stress and negative emotions. No registration required.
888-788-0099 | Meeting ID: 990 7844 9669 | Password: 925459 https://zoom.us/j/99078449669?pwd=MTgzOUliQ2JiQUtYckt6VjBQdmVKZz09
Thurs
17th
5 - 6:30 p.m. Conversations for Couples (Living with Dementia) Couples with one partner living with dementia are invited to socialize and share with other couples the third Thursday of the month. Jo in via Zoom as we discuss the challenges of coping with dementia and other caregiver-selected topics. Both caregivers and care receivers are invited. No registration required.
888-788-0099 | Meeting ID: 970 4660 2555 | Password: 638953 https://zoom.us/j/97046602555?pwd=eHVMWS9xeVBYRVRKV0RoKy9OSi83dz09
Tues
22nd
8 - 10 a.m.
Male Caregiver Coffee A Zoom support group for male caregivers. Come share your story, network with other male caregivers, and learn caregiving tips. No registration required.
888-788-0099 | Meeting ID: 928 3730 7823 | Password: 426297 https://zoom.us/j/94140182004?pwd=d0dzczYvd3RQb25nY0JmV0Z2TzBMQT09
Tues
22th
1:30 - 3 p.m. Mindful Caregiver Support Group A Zoom support group open to those who have participated in the Mindful Caregiver Book Study. No registration required.
888-788-0099 | Meeting ID: 913 0957 6730 | Password: 514495 https://zoom.us/j/91309576730?pwd=ampTc0V4TVBrdnpFUTR5MlFIbjdPdz09
Wed
23rd
10 - 10:45 a.m. Chair Yoga Try chair yoga via Zoom with volunteer instructor Diane Wiesenfeld . No complicated or complex movements and no previous experience with yoga needed. No registration required.
888-788-0099 | Meeting ID: 998 6206 9589 | Password: 069251
https://zoom.us/j/99862069589?pwd=SFNlbVpNWHBnTXowVVo4UlIyM0p4QT09
Wed
23th
1:30 - 3 p.m.
Call-in Support Group A Zoom support group offering connection with other caregivers in like circumstances. Find support as you share your story and hear from others. No registration required.
888-788-0099 | Meeting ID: 971 1269 1316 | Password: 297004 https://zoom.us/j/97112691316?pwd=N01Wa29aRXVHaWVxZUtOaTFWLzZNdz09
Together in Song Chorus Update
In light of concerns with COVID-19, we are sad to announce the Together in Song Chorus will not be rehearsing in person this fall. Since March, the Chorus has been singing virtually via Zoom. In September, sing-alongs will be opened to include all who are interested. Richard Hanson, Center volunteer and minstrel, will be leading the sing-along sessions we are calling “Music with Friends.” Music with Friends will be held on the 2nd and 4th Mondays of the month from 10 to 10:45 a.m. These sessions are for caregivers or care receivers who enjoy listening to music and singing along to familiar songs.
We hope you can join us!
Thurs
24th
10 - 10:10 a.m. Take 10: How to Live in the Present Join Center Volunteer Dawn Hysler via Zoom as she shares about the site The Happy, Healthy Caregiver and how it has helped her remain present as a caregiver during COVID-19. No registration required.
888-788-0099 | Meeting ID: 954 2816 6636 | Password: 935164 https://zoom.us/j/95428166636?pwd=enRWT083NFRWMnBsbjVTbit6RnF3Zz09
Mon
28th
10 - 10:45 a.m.
Music with Friends Join volunteer minstrel Richard Hanson via Zoom in a sing-a-long with others who enjoy music and singing familiar tunes. No registration required.
888-788-0099 | Meeting ID: 998 4528 1608 | Password: 230262 https://zoom.us/j/99845281608?pwd=SzJwN2ROTk9ZVVdVbjN0andnWXE4dz09
Tues
29nd
8 - 10 a.m.
Male Caregiver Coffee A Zoom support group for male caregivers. Come share your story, network with other male caregivers, and learn caregiving tips. No registration required.
888-788-0099 | Meeting ID: 972 3454 9195 | Password: 505510 https://zoom.us/j/97234549195?pwd=WnF0V1hoSXpTNWQ5STZPVnRvVkJuQT09
Wed
30th
10 - 10:45 a.m. Chair Yoga Try chair yoga via Zoom with volunteer instructor Diane Wiesenfeld. No complicated or complex movements and no previous experience with yoga needed. No registration required.
888-788-0099 | Meeting ID: 997 4163 2707 | Password: 181528 https://zoom.us/j/99741632707?pwd=WC9YT1lMVURwdXRaNVh1YkVJTzBudz09
© 2020 Mercy Medical Center
My claim to fame is that I was the first volunteer to work with Kathy Good on the formation of the Family Caregivers Center. I am on the Center's Kitchen Cabinet, its planning group and edit the newsletter. I first met Kathy when I was a family law lawyer in the 90s, and she was a mental health counselor. I was also fortunate to work with Kathy ’s late husband, Dave Good. A mutual acquaintance recommended I contact Kathy after she learned I was volunteering as a Certified Long-Term Care Ombudsman at a local care facility. In that role, I observed obstacles families faced when their loved ones had significant health issues. Additionally, my grandmother had Alzheimer's, and I had been a long-distance caregiver to my mother, who died of Scleroderma in 2004.
Prior to obtaining my law degree, I was a newspaper reporter in Burlington, Iowa. After working for 20 years as a family and juvenile
law lawyer, I spent three years investigating cases of discrimination for the Cedar Rapids Civil Rights Commission. I currently work for Kids First Law Center, where I serve as a restorative justice facilitator at McKinley Steam Academy. My husband, Gordon Parker, is the
executive vice president at Rinderknecht Associates. We have two children, Adam, 25, who is on the Flipgrid engagement team (an education platform) at Microsoft in Minneapolis, and Kylie, 23, who is
a recruiter at TEKsystems in Cedar Rapids. We have two dogs, Ellis, a 6-year-old Bichon-Shih Tzu mix, and Boo, our 17 1/2-year-old Bichon Frise. I am always reading a good book but also have a hard time sitting still. I run, bike, swim and walk-and-ta lk with friends. I also love to do anything with my family and extended family. I balance all the activity with a great joy of sweets. My vice is candy, and I also like to bake vegan treats. My tips for a enjoying a purposeful life come from my mother: "Do what makes you happy as long as it doesn't hurt anyone else," and "It never hurts to ask." Following that guidance, I feel like we get the most out of our volunteer experiences when we inquire about various activities and choose those that are meaningful to us.
-Judy Goldberg, Center Volunteer
Judy Goldberg
Kitchen Cabinet Member
This newsletter can be emailed or found at www.familycaregiverscenter.org.
If you would rather receive the email version or
want to be removed from this mailing, please contact us at 319-221-8866 or
© 2020 Mercy Medical Center
A big thank you to Mary Tallett, Saint Louis University student and Center Summer Intern, who helped design the graphics for the new Centered News!
A Note of Gratitude
Resource Review
Here are two quick reads for those of you caring for someone living with Parkinson’s Disease. The startling statistics show that in the world’s most populous nations, the number of patients with P.D. will double by 2030 to 30 million. These numbers mean more research dollars and more help to caregivers is needed, as evidenced by these hopeful and helpful books, already in paperback. Both books are available in the Family Caregivers Center’s Library.
Understanding Parkinson’s Disease: A Self-Help Guide By Drs. D Cram, S. Schechter and X. Gao This is an excellent book for the newly
diagnosed, providing a broad view of what can be expected in the journey ahead. Dr. Cram has had PD for 20 years. The other two are neurologists specializing in PD treatment. They explore problems that may arise with suggestions for coping, exercises that are best for those with P.D., and drugs and surgery that may be helpful. They include helpful hints on traveling, caring for the caregiver and where to get help. The book is small, but packed with helpful information to help you cope.
Parkinson’s Treatment: 10 Secrets to a Happier Life By Michael Okun, M.D. Dr. Okun, considered a world authority on P.D. treatment, continues to do research on treatments, both pharmacological and
behavioral. He also listens to anecdotal reports of techniques that work from patients and caregivers and shines a light on those that have been life-changing for some patients, finding ways to keep Parkinson’s from defining a person. He stresses the importance of finding a doctor who is also a teacher and mentor and suggests questions for your doctor and ways to prepare for an unplanned hospitalization. He emphasizes the importance of treating depression and anxiety, of exercising daily and of maintaining hope. -Dot Hinman, Centered News Editor
Compassion Fatigue
Caregiving can be an all- consuming task, occupying mind and body 24/7. When caregiving
continues for months, a caregiver can be in danger of experiencing not only burnout but also compassion fatigue. Both leave a caregiver feeling totally worn out. Symptoms include
— Physical and mental exhaustion — Inability to care for or empathize with your loved one and feeling guilty about it — Difficulty sleeping and making decisions — Feeling disconnected — Isolating oneself — Resenting the burden of caregiving — Having a reduced sense of meaning or accomplishment
If you recognize some of these symptoms in yourself, talk with your primary care provider or a counselor. You can also reach out to the Family Caregivers Center.
To help you cope, here are some strategies to use:
— Make self-care a priority – exercise, eat healthy food, take time for yourself doing something you enjoy — Spend time with friends – on the phone, by Zoom or in person (social distancing with masks) — Join a support group — Write in a journal — Remember to do deep breathing — Go for a walk — Spend time on hobbies — Ask for help
- Dot Hinman, Center News Editor
from the
Editor’s Desk
About the Center
The Family Caregivers Center of Mercy is a resource for family caregivers who are caring for adults living with chronic conditions such as dementia, Parkinson’s, cancer, diabetes, arthritis, COPD, and others.
Caregivers often feel alone, overwhelmed, and are not sure where to find help. Sometimes it is difficult to even know what help is needed. Trained volunteers and staff members listen to caregivers and help them identify needs and strengths, answer questions, and help caregivers get connected with existing resources.
• One-on-one meetings with a trained volunteer or staff member
• Educational events
• Support groups for all genders, one specific for men
• Access to respite options so caregivers can have a break
• Scheduled question-and-answer sessions with repre-sentatives from the Veteran Affairs and Medicaid Offices
• Resource lending library with trusted information
• Art, music and chair yoga
• A multi-week book study using the book, The Mindful Caregiver, followed by an on-going support group
• A four-week series for caregivers whose loved-one has died, followed by an on-going support group
The Center Provides
Contact Us
How to Find Us
901 8th AVE SE, Cedar Rapids, IA 52401
From the west: Take 8th Avenue east and turn right at 9th Street. Before reaching 9th Avenue, turn left into parking lot driveway. From the east: Take Mt. Vernon Road west and turn left on 10th Street. Travel one block and turn right onto 9th Avenue. In the middle of the block, turn right into the alley/drive the block and then turn left into the parking lot. Parking: Free convenient handicap-accessible parking in the back of the building.
Kathy Good, Director [email protected]
Abby Martin, Manager [email protected]
Kathy Krapfl, Office Coordinator
901 8th AVE SE, Cedar Rapids, IA 52401 319-221-8866
[email protected] www.familycaregiverscenter.org
