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Changing Relationships:

You and Your

Elderly Loved Ones

Goals for Today’s Workshop

• Recognize how physical and emotional changes impact aging

relatives and family relationships

• Identify communication obstacles

and learn effective strategies to facilitate communication.

• Learn how to manage the

emerging relationship

• Appreciate the changing

relationship

Overview

• Our changing parents

― Natural bodily changes

― Diseases common to elder adults

― Behavioral and emotional changes

• Obstacles impeding relationships with older parents

• Communicating strategies for older parents

• Create more positive relationships

Aging - My Way

• Viva La Difference!

Not all people age the same way and at the same rate.

• I’m Just Getting Old.

There’s a difference between growing old and becoming

incapacitated.

• What Does “Old” Look Like?

There is no one typical profile of older adults.

Physical Changes: Natural Bodily Changes

• Neurological system changes

• More time required to process information

• Hearing becomes impaired

• Body discomfort causes pain

• Mental disjunction occurs

• Sight difficulties

• Concentration more difficult

Diseases That Affect Relationships

• Alcoholism

• Alzheimer’s

• Arthritis

• Cancer

• Cardiovascular

– Heart disease

– Arteriosclerosis

– Hypertension

– Stroke

Dementia

Diabetes

Osteoporosis

Parkinson’s disease

Behavioral and Emotional Changes

• Depression

• Anger/Resentment

• Rigidity

• Irrationality

• Confusion

• Fear of loss of control

• Anxiety and

uncertainty

• Avoidance

• Loneliness

Typical Stressors for Older Adults

• Loss of control; body, emotions, mental, daily living

• Loss of privacy

• Fear of diseases and pain

• Change in relationships with adult children

• Financial strains affecting lifestyle

• Death of friends and family members

• Loss of independence and freedom

• Limited mobility

• Fear of burdening family members

• Feeling embarrassed about being old

Useful Strategies to Help Fight Stressors

• Foster a positive attitude

• Openly discuss feelings

• Stay physically active

• Strive for adaptability to change

• Hold onto your sense of humor

• Accept that changes are natural & “age appropriate”

• Join groups; maintain contact with others

• Try using relaxation techniques

• Seek medical advice about medication options

• Plan & do what you need to for the future

On the Lookout for Symptoms

• Abrupt change in ability to handle day-to-day functions

• Chronic pain

• Frequent falls; dizziness

• Incontinence

• Increased use of alcohol

• Increasing confusion or forgetfulness

• Persistent memory loss that interferes with daily activities

• Sad and withdrawn behavior; lack of enthusiasm, increased

sleep and disinterest in food

• Sudden personality change

• Sudden, unexplained dramatic change in weight

Obstacles Impeding Relationships

• Assumptions about aging

• Myth of role reversal from child to parent

• Family patterns of communication

• Mutual expectations

• Personal feelings about the issues that need to be

managed

Tips for Caregivers

When loved ones become more dependent:

• Adjust perceptions & expectations of your parent

• Express feelings to someone who will listen well

• Admit your fears

• Accept your feelings of anger as normal

• Understand that guilt is a very common experience

• Communicate caringly within the family - trust and respect

each other

• Acknowledge and resolve negative feelings

• Help your parent feel valued and needed

• Accept your parent as he/she is today

Communication Strategies

• Tune into underlying feelings about issues being discussed

• Focus on listening

• Provide encouragement and support.

– Non-verbal cues

– Verbal cues

• Use open ended questions

• Recognize the elder’s feelings and loss of control

Communication Strategies

• Personality traits usually remain the same, although

they may increase under stress or because of physical

changes

• Agree to disagree on certain issues

• Use silence to demonstrate your willingness to listen

• Use humor in conversations

Create More Positive Relationships

• Respect the older adult’s capabilities, interests, preferences

& abilities to maintain independence and autonomy

• Realistically assess the person’s ability to function

adequately in his/her daily life

• Stay in touch - listen with an open mind

• Offer support in words & actions, where & when you can to

ease the adjustment to changes due to aging

• Be aware of symptoms and/or illnesses that need vigilance

• Tune into your own feelings and reactions to aging

• Honesty is the best policy

• Who’s making the decisions?

– the process of decision-making

– offer discussions not solutions

– differing values

• Acknowledge losses

• Accentuate the positive

– promote independence

– keep the home safe

Create More Positive Relationships

• Focus on what you can do

– Don’t make comparisons

– Realistic awareness of other life responsibilities

– Don’t over promise

– Stay on message

– Take care of yourself

• Ask for and graciously accept help

from family, friends & other sources

Create More Positive Relationships

Benefits of Focusing on the Changing Relationships

• Helps reduce family anxiety and increase the older adult’s

dignity

• Fosters acceptance and helps manage changes

• Releases tension to celebrate to present and changing

state of the older adult

• Encourages constructive communication

• Fosters the ability to be supportive and encouraging

• Clears the way to dealing with difficult issues and

planning for the future

©UFS

Work-Life ASSIST

Always available. Always confidential.

1-877-286-0269

www.work-lifeassist.com