Characteristics of Healthy Characteristics of Healthy Relationship Relationship Lesson 5September 30th, 2010

Characteristics of a Characteristics of a Healthy RelationshipHealthy RelationshipThere are some key elements of

a healthy relationship. Being aware of these elements

will help an individual realize when a relationship is unhealthy.

It is also important to remember that there is no such thing as a perfect relationship.

Key Elements of a Healthy Mature Key Elements of a Healthy Mature Relationship:Relationship:

1. 1. RespectRespectMutual respect means that both parties care for themselves as well as each other.

This is evident through:Respecting each other’s

decisions or choices Listening to explanations of why

those decisions were made.

Key Elements of a Healthy Mature Key Elements of a Healthy Mature Relationship:Relationship:

1. 1. RespectRespectAwareness of each other’s boundaries, need for personal space, and vulnerabilities.

The relationship or other person is not taken for granted.

Neither person putting down the other.

Understanding that causing change in a person (e.g., dress style, hairstyle, group of friends, sexual demands) through manipulation, coercion, and threats is not healthy.

2. 2. Consensual Enjoyable Consensual Enjoyable IntimacyIntimacyThe sexual experience in a relationship should be equitable, mutually agreed upon and enjoyed.

2. 2. Consensual Enjoyable Consensual Enjoyable IntimacyIntimacyThis is evident through:Both parties feeling free to express their needs and boundaries, and to have those respected

Always feeling like you are giving is not healthy

Healthy relationships openly communicate about problems and issues

3. 3. TrustTrustTrust is the foundation of a healthy relationship.

This is evident through:A sense of companionship and

caring.

3. 3. TrustTrustRoom for other friends with little

fear that other friendships will minimize the dating relationship.

Both parties are open and have good listening skills

Trust can take time to develop, as the relationship grows, so should the level of trust.

3. 3. TrustTrust

Things to watch out for:Jealousy that runs out of control is very destructive to a relationship◦Jealousy its self is normal but it should be proportionate to the experience.

Lying, manipulation or secrets.

4. 4. SupportSupportIndividuals in healthy relationships provide comfort and empathy to one another.

They offer support and listen to what their partner is saying or not saying.

There is no attempt to try to fix or change the other person.

They accept one another for the person that they are (e.g., idiosyncrasies).

4. Support4. Support

Conflict is a normal part of any relationship.

Loving couples do not make attempts to lower their partner’s self-esteem.

Support should be given in the good times and bad.

4. Support4. SupportCouples in healthy relationships

are committed to bringing out the best in each other and have the other’s best interests at heart.

Couples in healthy relationships recognize that there are shared responsibilities in career, leisure, child rearing, lifestyle choices and domestic duties.

5. 5. EasygoingEasygoing

The overall tone of the relationship is relaxed.

Both parties can laugh at themselves without humour being at the other person’s expense.

There is a sense of relaxation both when you are with your partner or apart.

5. 5. EasygoingEasygoingBoth parties will feel comfortable

communicating their thoughts, feelings, likes, dislikes and ideas (e.g., where to go on a date, world issues, and status of the relationship).

Healthy relationships are void of physical aggression or threats of physical aggression.

6. Fair Fighting6. Fair FightingArguments, disagreements and issues are a part of every relationship

Healthy couples argue for many reasons:

They feel comfortable communicating their feelings and aren’t afraid that the relationship will end with each argument

6. Fair Fighting6. Fair FightingThere is a sense of security because they know they can share their feelings openly

They care about one another and they do not want unresolved issues to remain unsolved

Fair Fighting RulesFair Fighting Rules1. Avoid physical aggression such as:Hitting, Pushing, Grabbing, Throwing

things, Shoving, Kicking or Beating up.

2. Stay focused on the issue and avoid bringing other issues that have accumulated into the disagreement.

Work out disagreements as they occur. Do Not Bottle.

Avoid heat of the moment arugments and work out issues when both parties are calmer.

Fair Fighting RulesFair Fighting Rules

3. Avoid Name CallingRetaliation only causes hurt and escalates conflict◦Name calling is a manipulation

technique to avoid the real situation at hand.

Fair Fighting RulesFair Fighting Rules

4. Avoid blaming the other person. Use “I” statements Shifts the blame and assumes

responsibilitySay how a situation makes you

feel. Helps to eliminate defensiveness

QUESTIONQUESTIONRead the scenario below. On a

separate piece of paper, explain how each of the 6 key elements that were looked at today, play a part in this situation. If you feel that some of the elements did not play a part explain why. This is worth I (6) marks so do not just write 6 lines.

Scenario: My boyfriend/girlfriend and I have been dating for a month. I wanted to make out/fool around/have sex with him/her and I sort of said that two nights ago. Yesterday my parents left for the weekend and he/she came/slept over. But I started to feel really uncomfortable when we started kissing/ or /when he/she was touching my breasts/ or / he/she went down on me. I started feeling sort of sick and nervous. I think he/she noticed that I didn’t feel good. He/She asked me if there was anything wrong. It was kind of hard for me to explain, so I didn’t say anything for a few seconds. Then I just said I didn’t feel well. He/She seemed a little annoyed, but he/she said that that was cool, and got me a glass of water. I told him/her that I didn’t feel good because, I wasn’t ready to go that far yet. He/She listened and we decided that we would wait until we both felt like it was comfortable. Then we watched a movie and went to sleep/they went home.