CM 220:COMPOSITION IISeminar 7:

Revising the Draft, Post-draft Outlining, and the Peer Review

UNIT 7 ASSIGNMENTS Discussion and peer review

UNIT 7 DISCUSSION 1.) Have you ever worked with another peer or a

group on a writing project? If yes: describe the event and explain how it was /was not a valuable experience. If you have not worked with a peer or group before, describe what you anticipate the experience would be like.

2.) Describe your ideal expectations for collaboration—what do you want to provide for your peer and what do you want back? Be as specific as possible.

Your response should be about 250 words.

Next, respond to two other students (100-150 words each) in order to engage in a meaningful discussion about the value of collaboration and feedback.

UNIT 7 PROJECT: THE PEER REVIEW Due Tuesday (last day of unit 7) unless other

arrangements have been made with me and your review partner

Credit/no credit (worth 85 points—partial credit may be awarded, however)

Requirements to receive credit: Project draft is turned in to the instructor and returned

to the peer in a timely manner. If you have not arranged to work with someone, I will send you a draft to review once you turn in your own draft.

Feedback addressing all questions on the peer review form is complete and returned to peer by the end of unit 7 and posted in the unit 7 drop box.

More on writing an effective peer review coming up!

THE PEER REVIEWProject guidelines

Tips for effective reviewing

What feedback would you like to receive?

INSTRUCTIONS You'll find directions for the review in

this unit under “Project.” Guidelines for switching drafts depend upon instructors, so be sure to check with your teacher!When reviewing, use the Draft

Workshop Questions.Email the review to the author. Use the Unit 7 drop box to give

your instructor a copy of your critique. This is a graded project.

WHAT IS PEER REVIEW?

Comments from classmates and friends about your project

Discussion board responses Formal reviews that address

specific questions

HOW IS IT USED IN THE “REAL WORLD”?

Journals use “peer review” to critique and select articles for publication

Architecture schools use “juries” of peers and instructors to critique projects and offer advice

Many jobs will ask groups of employees to work on a project, and typically, the collaboration will involve critique and revision

CONCERNS ABOUT REVIEW

“I’m not a great writer, so how can I offer advice?”

“I’m scared about getting critiqued by someone else. What if she hates my paper?”

“How can a classmate give me good advice? I don’t care about what anyone but the teacher has to say since she is the one giving me the grade.”

HOW CAN IT HELP ME?

Offer you suggestions for improving the draft for final

Help you grow as a writer Allow you to refine skills by addressing areas

of weakness (and strength!) Strengthen your critical thinking and reading

skills Become more aware of how an audience will

respond to your argument Focus on the process of writing

WHAT MAKES COLLABORATION SUCCESSFUL? THE THREE A’S

Accountability: Be credible and respect your classmate’s efforts. Be honest, but don’t be harsh!

Assistance: Offer specific, thorough advice. You only have to read one paper, so give it your all! Look at paper for content, mechanics, structure, transitions, organization, style, tone, and the coherence of the argument.

Audience awareness: Does the paper take the audience into account? Are there any ways the paper could better address potential objections?

PROCESS

Read the entire paper through once, without making any comments or forming a judgment.

Review the peer evaluation worksheet and think about your answers to the questions. Be sure to answer all of the questions!

Focus on the “macro” issues first, then if you feel comfortable making editing or formatting/citation suggestions (“micro” issues), do that directly on the draft.

Be constructive and specific! Point to particular areas in the paper that need improvement.

WHAT TO AVOID. . .

Not helpful. . .why?

I really liked this paper.

I thought the introduction was great!

Some other examples would be helpful.

This is boring.

HELPFUL FEEDBACK

Much better. . .

Your thesis statement clearly describes your position, but you have main points that are not clearly connected to the thesis statement. How about revising the thesis so that it lets the reader know what to expect?

You might include a statistic in the introduction to let the reader know how big of a problem this is. I read this great article in the Washington Post this week that would give you some good numbers; here is the link. . .

Since you are having some trouble with the APA formatting, including how to cite references, you should review the writing center handouts on APA—they really helped me! The Kaplan library databases can also help you with formatting the citations; the instructor had some advice about that in the unit 4 discussion board, too

ANSWER ALL OF THE QUESTIONS ON THE FEEDBACK FORM

1.      After reading your partner's paper, do you feel that the introduction was effective? What specifically made it effective? What could be changed to make it more effective?

FEEDBACK FORM QUESTIONS

2.      Overall, what is your general impression of this paper? Did you find this paper interesting and engaging? Please explain. Also, how could the writer improve the paper, generally speaking? How could it be expanded to meet the 8-10 page requirement? Please offer at least two specific suggestions. 

FEEDBACK FORM QUESTIONS

3.      Do you consider this paper to be persuasive (meaning that it makes a clear, logical argument)? Please explain. If you don't feel this paper is persuasive, what specific suggestions do you have for the writer? 

FEEDBACK FORM QUESTIONS (POST-DRAFT OUTLINE) 4.      Using the post-draft outlining revision strategy

discussed in this unit, create a "whole-paper" outline of this draft (you do not have to create a paragraph-level outline) and put that in the review form.

Describe what information you feel is still missing from the paper; offer at least two concrete suggestions.

Respond to the following 4 questions about the post-draft outline:

1. Are there repetitive passages in this draft?

2. Does the writer promise to talk about anything that is not discussed?

3. Should any of the main ideas be reorganized so the flow is more logical?

4. Would reorganization make the paper more effective?

FEEDBACK FORM QUESTIONS

5.      Looking carefully, find at least two confusing sections of the draft. This may be at the word, sentence, or paragraph level. For example, perhaps you found an incorrect word or odd punctuation, or maybe a few sentences are awkward or too long. Describe why you found each of these particular sections confusing and offer concrete suggestions to help clarify the writing. 

FEEDBACK FORM QUESTIONS . . .

6.      What is your favorite aspect of this paper and why? What was the most interesting thing you learned by reading this paper? Did the conclusion leave you wanting more? 

Please feel free to make any additional comments or suggestions!

POST DRAFT OUTLINING What is it? How can it help me to revise and critique a peer’s paper?

WHY USE POST-DRAFT OUTLINING?

Post draft outlining is a critical reading strategy that will also help you with your writing.

POST-DRAFT OUTLINING HELPS TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS:

Is the organization effective?Do I repeat any points?Does my introduction or

conclusion still need work?Do I still need to make any

additional points to support my thesis?

See pp. 66-69 of the handbook for more details, or refer to the “Editing and Revising” handout in the Writing Center library.

POST-DRAFT OUTLINING: METHOD

Count paragraphs in draft, write numbers, then put main point of each paragraph next to the number.

Make sure topic sentences for each paragraph reflect the main idea of that paragraph!

Review order of ideas to see if they are logical or if paragraphs need reorganization.

Note any unnecessary repetition or gaps. Make sure each paragraph focuses on the

main idea—see if anything needs to be removed!

STEPS Read your draft. 1) Highlight your thesis statement. 2) What is the first reason that your thesis is

correct? Highlight or number that reason. 3) What is the second reason that your thesis

is correct? Highlight or number that reason. 4) What is the third reason that your thesis is

correct? Highlight or number that reason. (repeat steps for each additional paragraph) 5) Find your counter arguments. 6) Do you have a dynamic introduction &

conclusion?

MAGGIE’S DRAFTPost-draft outlining

LET’S WORK ON A POST-DRAFT OUTLINE FOR THE SAMPLE DRAFT!

The sample essay is “Curbing Parental Sports Rage: Parents’ and Coaches’ Conduct at Youth Sporting Events”

To access the essay, click on the unit 7 seminar icon, then click on the link “sample persuasive research paper.”

MAGGIE’S DRAFT The draft has 8 paragraphs. Therefore, the post-draft

outline should have 8 sentences. Write one sentence for each paragraph in Maggie’s

essay. The sentence should express the main idea of that paragraph. That could be the thesis statement and topic sentences, but I recommend writing your own sentences to see if you can paraphrase the main idea of each paragraph in your own words. Doing this also helps the writer see if she is conveying her ideas clearly!

Once you come up with the sentences, determine if each paragraph is cohesive (focuses on one main idea), if each paragraph relates to the thesis, and if the organization of ideas is effective.

POSSIBLE OUTLINE

1. Children who play sports often deal with violent parents and coaches, whose behavior needs to change in order for players to learn good sportsmanship.

2. Children’s sports used to teach good sportmanship, but parents and coaches are now more worried about winning at any cost.

3. Youth sports now cater to parents more than the kids who play.

4. More parents of young athletes are engaging in physical and verbal abuse.

POSSIBLE OUTLINE

5. Parents need to be educated about appropriate behavior and punished if they do not follow guidelines.

6. Organizations like The American Academy of Pediatrics are trying to reshape how parents and children view youth sports so that the focus is on learning the game and building self-esteem.

7. Peggy Post, an etiquette guide writer, even has tips for parents about how to behave on the field and court.

8. Parents need to return the game to their kids, and sports organizations need to enforce proper behavior.

RECOMMENDATIONS?

What are some of the suggestions you might give Maggie for improving her paper?

Did the post-draft outline indicate any areas of weakness in the paper?

How might you improve the introduction and conclusion?

How effectively does Maggie defend her claims? Is her evidence sufficient? Where might she need more support from sources?

What are other ways she might develop her paper’s main ideas?

REVISIONWhat is revision?

How will I begin this process?

WHAT IS REVISION? “RE-SEEING” “The best writing is rewriting” (E.B. White, author of

Charlotte’s Web) "The first draft is a skeleton--just bare bones. It's like the very

first rehearsal of a play, where the director moves the actors around mechanically to get a feel of the action. Characters talk without expression. In the second draft, I know where my characters are going, just as the director knows where his actors will move on the stage. But it's still rough and a little painful to read. By the third draft, the whole thing is taking shape. I have enough glimmers from the second draft to know exactly what I want to say. There may be two or three more drafts after the third to polish it up. But the third is the one where it all comes together for me." (Phyllis Reynolds Naylor, author of Shiloh)

“I rewrite a great deal. I'm always fiddling, always changing something. I'll write a few words--then I'll change them. I add. I subtract. I work and fiddle and keep working and fiddling, and I only stop at the deadline." (Ellen Goodman, columnist)

ARMS

Do I need to Add anything? -- a word, a phrase, a sentence, a paragraph, a description

Do I need to Remove anything? Did I repeat myself?

Do I need to Move anything? -- a word, a phrase , a sentence, a paragraph

Do I need to Substitute anything? – a word, phrase, a sentence

PREFACTS

Ask yourself, “Do I have enough so that my audience will accept my claims?” Use the acronym PREFACTS.

P = personal observations or experiences placed in third person (he, she, they, a person, etc.)

R= reasons E = examples F = facts A = analogies (comparisons) C = concrete sensory images (descriptions) T = testimony S = statistics

BEGIN WITH “MACRO” REVISIONS

Purpose Thesis Audience Structure Support

REMINDER ABOUT CONCLUSION

Many find writing the conclusion difficult. Since conclusions leave the reader with a final impression, bland conclusions leave the reader feeling empty or with a "so what" feeling.

Merely summarizing what you have already written does just that: It's blah! Since your essays are short, your readers are capable of remembering what you have already written, so repeating what you have already said is boring.

CONCLUSIONS

If you were watching a movie and you got to the end and all the end did was summarize what you had already watched, you'd be disappointed. The same is true for your essay. Don't disappoint your readers by merely repeating what you've already said.

Put in a twist. Make it unexpected challenging

SOME CONCLUSION TIPS

(1) Suggest a change(2) Predict what will happen next(3) Solve a problem(4) Use a quotation(5) Draw a conclusion.

Since people usually remember whatever they read, hear, or see last, think of your conclusion as your last chance to emphasize your main idea