Colorized covers are for web display only. Most covers are

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© Dramatic Publishing Company, Woodstock, Illinois.

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9 7 8 1 5 8 3 4 2 6 8 4 5

ISBN-13 978-1-58342-684-5ISBN-10 1-58342-684-1

02010

Comedy. By Julie Jensen. Cast: 6m., 8w. It’s an ordinary day at the Harvey House Restaurant along the Santa Fe Railroad in Las Vegas, New Mexico. The 20th century is just a couple of years away, and the six people on the staff of the restaurant are engaged in their usual struggles. Mary wants to run things because she’s smarter than the others. Effie takes her on at every turn, in the meantime waiting impatiently for her boyfriend who hasn’t showed up in three months. Whistle, a young native girl, thinks the white people talk too much and eat entirely too much. Miss Mecham wants them all to remember that women with jobs are much better off than women with children. Raul, the young Mexican kid, thinks the whites are loco, and Bachmann, the German chef, makes rules that few people follow. That’s the ordinary part of the day. Then we get word that there’s an armed woman roaming around, having been a part of a train holdup earlier that morning. Mary is terrified, Whistle oblivious, and Effie so curious that when she meets the armed woman, she invites her to apply for a job as a Harvey Girl. Mixed in with all this are the strange and wonderful people of the town: Swamp, a fast-talking shyster who makes money selling stuff he doesn’t own; Glitterman, a studious miner, who knows he will hit pay dirt somewhere between the subcrustacean stratum of the Precambrian Era and the deposits of the wandering antediluvian bog waters; Stella who reads a lot of books, wants to be a Harvey Girl, and eats free at the restaurant because she has no parents; Shudder who runs a herd of sheep all by herself because she has a past that includes murder and she knows they’re after her; Pillage, a Civil War vet, who needs a job and freedom from his nightmare of dying in a swamp with a hundred injured horses; Miss Longtree, a retired actress who speaks in verse; and, finally, Godlee, a preacher man, who believes the end of the world will come tonight, and he’s right, it does. This satirical play is fast moving and magnified. Think Molière with a dose of the Coen brothers. One int. set. Approximate running time: 1 hour, 20 minutes. Code HA1.

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Cover photo: Harvey Girl uniform on display at the Arizona Railroad Museum. Photo: Jot Powers (May 2005). Cover design: Jeanette Alig-Sergel.

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THE HARVEY GIRLS

A playby

JULIE JENSEN

With the gen er ous con tri bu tions from the grad u ateact ing class of 2010, Penn State Uni ver sity.

Com mis sioned by the thea tre de part ment at Penn StateUni ver sity and Dra matic Pub lish ing.

Dra matic Pub lish ingWoodstock, Il li nois • Aus tra lia • New Zea land South Af rica


*** NO TICE ***

The am a teur and stock act ing rights to this work are con trolled ex clu -sively by THE DRA MATIC PUB LISH ING COM PANY with out whoseper mis sion in writ ing no per for mance of it may be given. Roy alty mustbe paid ev ery time a play is per formed whether or not it is pre sented forprofit and whether or not ad mis sion is charged. A play is per formed anytime it is acted be fore an au di ence. Cur rent roy alty rates, ap pli ca tions and re stric tions may be found at our website: www.dramaticpublishing.com,or we may be con tacted by mail at: DRA MATIC PUB LISH ING COM -PANY, 311 Wash ing ton St., Woodstock IL 60098.

COPY RIGHT LAW GIVES THE AU THOR OR THE AU THOR’SAGENT THE EX CLU SIVE RIGHT TO MAKE COP IES. This law pro -vides au thors with a fair re turn for their cre ative ef forts. Au thors earntheir liv ing from the roy al ties they re ceive from book sales and from theper for mance of their work. Con sci en tious ob ser vance of copy right law isnot only eth i cal, it en cour ages au thors to con tinue their cre ative work.This work is fully pro tected by copy right. No al ter ations, de le tions orsub sti tu tions may be made in the work with out the prior writ ten con sentof the pub lisher. No part of this work may be re pro duced or trans mit tedin any form or by any means, elec tronic or me chan i cal, in clud ing pho to -copy, re cord ing, vid eo tape, film, or any in for ma tion stor age and re trievalsys tem, with out per mis sion in writ ing from the pub lisher. It may not beper formed ei ther by pro fes sion als or am a teurs with out pay ment of roy -alty. All rights, in clud ing, but not lim ited to, the pro fes sional, mo tion pic -ture, ra dio, tele vi sion, vid eo tape, for eign lan guage, tab loid, rec i ta tion,lec tur ing, pub li ca tion and read ing, are re served.

For per for mance of any songs, mu sic and re cord ings men tioned in this play which are in copy right, the per mis sion of the copy right own ersmust be ob tained or other songs and re cord ings in the pub lic do mainsub sti tuted.

©MMX byJULIE JENSEN

Printed in the United States of Amer icaAll Rights Re served

(THE HARVEY GIRLS)

For in qui ries con cern ing all other rights, con tact:The Su san Gurman Agency, 245 W. 99th St., 24th Floor,

New York NY 10025 Phone: (212) 794-4618

ISBN: 978-1-58342-684-5


www.dramaticpublishing.com

IM POR TANT BILL ING AND CREDIT RE QUIRE MENTS

All pro duc ers of the play must give credit to the au thor of the play in allpro grams dis trib uted in con nec tion with per for mances of the play and inall in stances in which the ti tle of the play ap pears for pur poses of ad ver -tis ing, pub li ciz ing or oth er wise ex ploit ing the play and/or a pro duc tion.The name of the au thor must also ap pear on a sep a rate line, on which noother name ap pears, im me di ately fol low ing the ti tle, and must ap pear insize of type not less than fifty per cent (50%) the size of the ti tle type.Bio graph i cal in for ma tion on the au thor, if in cluded in the playbook, maybe used in all pro grams. In all pro grams this no tice must ap pear:

“Pro duced by spe cial ar range ment withTHE DRA MATIC PUB LISH ING COM PANY of Woodstock, Il li nois”


AC KNOWL EDG MENTS:

This play was de vel oped through im pro vi sa tion with agifted group of ac tors:

Amir Abdullah (who created Pillage and Godlee)Joseph Barone (who created Longtree and Glitterman)Nakeisha Daniel (who created Whistle and Armed Woman)Robert Henry (who created Swamp and Mary) Nathan James (who created Shudder and Bachmann)Lara Knox (who created Mecham and Effie)Nick Reynolds (who created Stella and Raul)

I am greatly in debted to them, as I am to their di rec tor, Su -san Rus sell, and their pro gram chair, Jane Ridley. All ofthem were gen er ous and tal ented. I am grat i fied to haveworked with them all.

— Julie Jensen, play wrightMarch 2010

4© Dramatic Publishing Company, Woodstock, Illinois.

THE HARVEY GIRLS

CHAR AC TERS:

The Res tau rant Staff:EFFIE . . . . . . . . a young woman prone to gig gling and our

guide for the dayWHIS TLE . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . a young na tive womanMARY . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . a ner vous and obe di ent woman

who is blad der chal lenged, 20sMECHAM . . . . . the su per vi sor, an of fi cious woman in her

40s, prone to or a toryRAUL . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . a young Mex i can kidBACHMANN. . . . . . . . . . . . . a Ger man chef in charge of,

well, ev ery thing

The Cit i zens of the Town:STELLA . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . a young run away with a bookGLITTERMAN . . . . a clean-faced miner, stu di ous-look ing,

wears glassesGODLEE . . . . . . . . a re li gious zealot, who loves to preachSWAMP . . . . . . . . . . . . a Texan and a fast-talk ing shy sterPIL LAGE. . . . . . . a one-armed, black Civil War vet, quiet,

de lib er ate and threat en ing, with a habit of fix ing peo plewith a stare


LONGTREE. . . . . . a re tired ac tress, with large amounts ofaf fec ta tion

SHUD DER . . . . . . . . . . . a sheep herder, wary, sus pi ciousARMED WOMAN . . . . an armed ban dit, pretty, se duc tive,

short-tem pered

SET TING:

The din ing room in an up scale res tau rant of the late l890s,spe cif i cally a Harvey House in Las Ve gas, New Mex ico.

STYLE:

This play is a com edy/sat ire; it is meant to be some whatex ag ger ated and to move briskly. Think Molière with atouch of the Coen broth ers.


THE HARVEY GIRLS

Scene One:

In the dark we hear the sound of a busy res tau rant. Peo -ple talk ing, dishes clat ter ing. Then the sound of a whis -tle fol lowed by the sound of the crowd dis pers ing.

When the noise dies out, the lights come up on an up -scale res tau rant of the late l890s, spe cif i cally a HarveyHouse in Las Ve gas, New Mex ico. The place is in to taldis ar ray. A hun dred peo ple have just been fed here.

Three wait resses in uni forms: WHIS TLE, MARY andEFFIE, are all clean ing up. MECHAM su per vises.

Off in the cor ner is STELLA, a young run away. When no one is look ing, she darts to an empty ta ble, takes food,then re turns to her ta ble, eat ing hun grily.

Also left af ter the ex it ing horde is GLITTERMAN, aminer, in tently eat ing.

GODLEE, a re li gious zealot, is on his way in to the res -tau rant.

Note: Un der lined di a logue in di cates di rect ad dress tothe au di ence.


GODLEE. Hear me now. Hear, broth ers and sis ters. Re pent be fore it is too late. The end of the world is nigh. It comes to night.

MECHAM. Out of here, Mr. Godlee. We can not have youpreach ing in the Harvey House.

GODLEE. Have you re pented, dear sis ter?MECHAM. I have not, Mr. Godlee. Now get on out of

here.GODLEE. The end of the world is nigh. It co mes to night. MECHAM. We know that, Mr. Godlee. Now out. GODLEE. Let me speak to your girls. They must be saved.MECHAM (overly ar tic u lated). Ooouuuttt! Nnnooowww! GODLEE. That armed woman is out and about. Could

spell the end of us all. MECHAM. Hush now, Godlee, and go chase some one

else.

(GODLEE leaves, chas ing some one else down thestreet.)

GODLEE (call ing. Off). Re pent, dear sis ter. The end of the world is nigh, it co mes to night.

EFFIE. This here’s what’s left. We just fed a hun dred peo -ple in less than thirty min utes. Which we do four times a day. Two trains east bound. Two trains west bound. Ever- day. It’s like a wave co mes in, washes over us all. Thenthe wave goes out and leaves what you see be fore you.The wretched ref uge of the teem ing shore. ’Course, wehad Teddy Roo se velt in here last week. He’s rais ing upa army to go to Cuba so’s they can re mem ber the MaineWe get lots of fa mous peo ple come in here off thetrains. That’s why we got these here jobs, take care of

8 THE HARVEY GIRLS


the fa mous peo ple with style. (Mov ing to the cash reg is -ter.) But this here’s just a or di nary day, no body fa mous.I mean, I picked this day ’cuz it would be so or di nary.And then it turned out to be not or di nary a-tall. Be causelast night the west bound Eight-Thirty-Eight was robbedby a band of out laws. And they was a woman with ’emgot her horse shot out from un der her. So she’s left be -hind and she’s lurk ing here in town. But we ain’ts’posed to talk about her. Might alarm the cus tom ers.

MARY. I’ll take care of the re ceipts to day, Effie. EFFIE. It’s my turn, Mary. Check the duty roster. MARY. But I thought I might help you out. EFFIE. This here’s Mary. She don’t got no faults.MARY. I am better with num bers, as you know. No fault

of your own, but I have a better ed u ca tion. EFFIE. I think I can man age, Mary. I can al ways count on

my fin gers and toes. And that adds up to twenty-five.MARY. One of us should be as signed the per ma nent job of

han dling the re ceipts, that’s what I think. EFFIE. But Miss Mecham thinks it’s im por tant that each

and ev ery one of us in our turn deal with the re ceipts,ain’t that right, Miss Mecham?

MECHAM. Know ing how to do sums and how to makechange are most valu able as sets for the mod ern youngwoman.

MARY. I take your point, Miss Mecham. EFFIE. I tell you, if Miss Mary was any more per fect, she

would as cend un al tered into heaven.

(SWAMP, a fast-talk ing shy ster, en ters from the out side.)

THE HARVEY GIRLS 9


SWAMP. Sweet Effie from Kan sas. How’s the fel low? Heget here yet?

EFFIE (gig gles). Not yet, Mr. Swamp. But he will be com -ing. (Gig gles.) He could be on the very next train.

SWAMP. Of course he could. Blind faith is the most im -por tant at trib ute of the hu man spe cies.

EFFIE. Now, this here’s Swamp. Mostly he likes to sellstuff to dudes off the trains, peo ple with suits and shinyshoes.

(SWAMP sur veys the room and moves up to GLITTER -MAN’s ta ble.)

SWAMP. Would you mind a lit tle com pany, Mr. Glitter -man?

GLITTERMAN. The name is “Lukas,” Wendell.

(SWAMP sits. Watches GLITTERMAN eat.)

SWAMP. What you make of the armed woman in town? GLITTERMAN. Not a damn thing. SWAMP. She’s sighted this morn ing. Be hind the Plaza Ho -

tel. Had a ri fle, two pis tols, and a hat. GLITTERMAN. A hat? SWAMP. For pur poses of dis guise. I think it could be Big

Nose Kate. GLITTERMAN Who’s Big Nose Kate? SWAMP. Doc Holliday’s woman. GLITTERMAN. Doc Holliday’s dead. SWAMP. That don’t mean his woman is. (GLITTERMAN

shrugs and con tin ues to eat. SWAMP watches him.

10 THE HARVEY GIRLS


Pause.) So what’s new in the min ing busi ness, Mr.Glitterman?

GLITTERMAN. Iden ti fy ing the ma jor strata of the earth’scrust, and then seek ing that stra tum which pre dict ablycon tains valu able de pos its.

SWAMP. And which stra tum is that?GLITTERMAN. The subcrustacean stra tum, laid down in

the Early Pre cam brian era.SWAMP. You don’t say… GLITTERMAN. The or ganic ma te rial which was a part of

the an te di lu vian fans at the edge of the an cient seas, de -pos ited next to the volcanic ig ne ous, those con tain theprimary el e ments.

SWAMP. Vol ca nic ig ne ous?GLITTERMAN. Slowly ad vanc ing and re ced ing in land

seas and shore lines, an cient me an der ing sub ter ra nean es -tu ar ies, huge for ested river planes, and wan der ing an te -di lu vian bog wa ters.

EFFIE (to WHIS TLE). Don’t you just love the way hetalks? “Wan der ing an te di lu vian bog wa ters.” That thereis pure po etry with a cap i tal P-P.

(The ARMED WOMAN, a ban dit, flits by.MARY screams and clamps her legs to gether. Each timeshe is fright ened or ner vous, she has to pee.)

MARY (point ing). I just saw her. The armed woman. I just saw her.

EFFIE. Quiet, Mary. You’re sup posed to set an ex am ple. MARY. But I saw her. With a gun and a hat. Went right by

that win dow.

THE HARVEY GIRLS 11


(PIL LAGE, a Civil War vet, slowly walks in.)

WHISTLE. Wel come to Harvey House. Would you like tosee a menu?

PILLAGE. A menu…yes. WHIS TLE (hands him a menu). What could I bring you? PILLAGE. What’s your…fa vor ite here? WHIS TLE (turn ing his menu right-side up). Num ber Six,

that’s my fa vor ite.PILLAGE. I’ll have…Num ber Six. Does that come…with

ba con?WHISTLE. Any thing co mes with any thing. You want ba -

con with ice chips, we give it to you. PILLAGE. Num ber Six…and ba con. WHISTLE. Yes, sir. (Mov ing away.) EFFIE. This here’s Whis tle. She’s a In dian, a real In dian.

Used to work in the kitchen on the salad ta ble. Nowshe’s out here ’cuz we was short.

WHIS TLE. That’s how they like to in tro duce me. In dian,real In dian. That there’s Effie, white, real white.

PIL LAGE. Ex cuse me, Miss…I’ll have some thing else. WHISTLE. What’s that? PILLAGE. I’ll have…your name. WHISTLE. I can’t give you that. It’s against the rules. PILLAGE. What…rules? WHIS TLE. Harvey House rules. (She moves away.)MECHAM. The cleanup is slow to day, girls. (Clap ping.)

Let’s step it up! MARY. You’re so right, Miss Mecham. The staff has been

gos sip ing about the armed woman.

12 THE HARVEY GIRLS


MECHAM. There is to be no dis cus sion of the armedwoman. She will go about her busi ness, and you will goabout yours.

EFFIE. But her busi ness is kill ing peo ple. MECHAM. Step up with cour age, girls. You are Harvey

Girls. You re spond with com po sure and con fi dence.Think on Teddy Roo se velt when you’re…chal lenged.

MARY. I couldn’t agree with you more, Miss Mecham. I’ll tell the oth ers.

MECHAM. I want to see brisk work, and then you’ll re -ceive your re ward this eve ning. The build ing of thelovely blos som bou quet.

MARY. Thank you, Miss Mecham, we ap pre ci ate all youdo for us.

MECHAM. Now then, girls, there is a new woman intown—be sides the armed woman—Miss Lydia Longtree. The ac tress from New York. She is to be an ex am pleunto you all. Un mar ried, pro fes sional and pas sion ate.

MARY. Just like you, Miss Mecham. MECHAM. Yes, girls, I too am a pas sion ate woman. Pas -

sion ate about my work. That is why I am so good at it. EFFIE. This here’s our first les son of the day, com ing right

up.MECHAM. If we ap proach all we do with pas sion, we will

look back at the end of our lives and say, “I ac com -plished some thing.”

EFFIE. So, Miss Mecham, what if what we ac com plish isget ting mar ried and hav ing a pack of chil dren?

MECHAM. Any one can ac com plish that, Miss Effington. It does not take brains to get mar ried and have chil dren.We are pro fes sion als, we are Harvey Girls, we have loft -ier goals.

THE HARVEY GIRLS 13


MARY. I do so agree with you, Miss Mecham. But I haveno ticed that peo ple re sent you when you have loftygoals.

EFFIE. It ain’t your lofty goals they re sent you for, MissMary, it’s your lofty at ti tude.

MECHAM. Re mem ber this, girls: The woman who haschil dren. She has noth ing to call her own. She is down -trod den and be reft. The woman who does best in thisworld has no chil dren. Re mem ber that.

(The ARMED WOMAN flits by again.STELLA sees her, jumps up and watches, re turns to herseat, says noth ing.)

SWAMP. Lis ten here, I got a prop o si tion for you, Mr.Glitterman.

GLITTERMAN. Oh hell, Wendell. SWAMP. No, now lis ten to me. You are a man of sci ence.

A man who un der stands the prop er ties of the earth. Aman who be lieves in his power to de ter mine his own fu -ture. I am also such a man.

GLITTERMAN Good for you. SWAMP. And I be lieve in the fu ture of this area. There

will be towns dot ting the whole length of the Santa FeRail road, like lit tle stars in the night sky, like jew els onthe crown of the Queen of Eng land. It’s go ing be abeau ti ful thing.

GLITTERMAN. I’m sure it is, Wendell.SWAMP. Here’s the idea, Mr. Glitterman. We buy up the

land all along this rail line. GLITTERMAN. We?

14 THE HARVEY GIRLS


SWAMP. Yes, we! I’m in vit ing you in on this. We buy upthe land along the rail line. And then when the townssprout up, we agree, re luc tantly, to sell the new peo plethe land they need. A prop o si tion as sci en tific as it isprac ti cal. What do you say, Mr. Glitterman?

GLITTERMAN. Why don’t you get your self a job,Wendell?

SWAMP. I have a job, Lukas. GLITTERMAN. No you don’t. SWAMP. I am a sales man and a vi sion ary. GLITTERMAN. Sell ing stuff you don’t own. And see ing

things that ain’t there.SWAMP. I’m glimps ing the fu ture. That’s what I do. GLITTERMAN. And that’s an other thing, Wendell. Don’t

talk like that. You sound like a lay ing hen. SWAMP. I tell you what I’ll do, Mr. Glitterman. I’ll draw

up the pa pers and then, when you make your strike, youand me will go into a joint part ner ship. The SwampGlitterman Land Com pany. What do you say to that, Mr. Glitterman?

(GLITTERMAN burps, rises, tosses a coin on the ta ble,then moves to the cash reg is ter.)

SWAMP (calling af ter him). Plea sure talk ing to you, Mr.Glitterman. And I’ll have my as sis tant draw up them pa -pers.

(GLITTERMAN is out the door.SWAMP looks around, slides the coin off the ta ble,pock ets it.

THE HARVEY GIRLS 15


WHIS TLE en ters and sets the food down in front of PIL -LAGE.)

PIL LAGE Thank…you. WHISTLE. Is there any thing else? PIL LAGE (stares at her. Pause). Could you…but ter my

roll? (She does. Pause.) Wanna know…some thing?(Pause.) I am gonna…marry you.

(WHIS TLE moves to EFFIE at the cash reg is ter.)

WHISTLE. You gotta take care of that ta ble with the one- armed man. He’s giv ing me trou ble.

EFFIE. He could have some thing to do with the armedwoman. Ever-thing co mes out his mouth is scary.

WHISTLE. Just take care of him. EFFIE. Whis tle, she is a mag net for men. They all want to

get theyself some piece of that girl. In the mean time,Swamp’s try ing to get a coin from the scary guy. Andthat’s when the mud hits the win dow.

(SWAMP rises and moves over to PIL LAGE.)

SWAMP. I do be lieve you’re new around here. PIL LAGE (jump ing up). Sir. SWAMP. The name’s Swamp. Mind if I join you? (Tak ing

a seat.) And you are? PILLAGE. Pil lage. The name’s…Pil lage. (Sit ting back

down ten ta tively.) SWAMP. And where did you come from, Mr. Pil lage? PIL LAGE (pause). The…South. I come from…the South. SWAMP. And you lost that arm in the war?

16 THE HARVEY GIRLS


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