Coming Out in the Techno Era: Implications for a sex-

positive public health

Emily S. Pingel, MPH

Project Director

Department of Health Behavior Health Education

University of Michigan School of Public Health

Background

• Changing cultural landscape

• Youth engaging in coming out processes at

even earlier ages Denizet-Lewis, B. (2009, September 23). Coming Out in Middle School. The New York

Times.

Background

•Identity formation and exploration in

adolescence/emerging adulthood

Arnett, J. (2000) Emerging Adulthood: A theory of development from the

late teens through the twenties. American Psychologist, 55(5), 469-480.

•Developmental trajectories of LGBT youth

Rotheram-Borus, M.J. & Langabeer, K. (2001). Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual Identities

and Youth: Psychological Perspectives. A. D’Augelli & C. Patterson, (Eds.). New York,

NY: Oxford University Press.

The Role of the Internet•Over 70 million Internet users per day in the

US.

•Broadened the discourse of sexuality

•Online interactions may result in ‘riskier’

encountersPequegnat W. et al. (2007). Conducting Internet-based HIV/STD Prevention Survey

Research: considerations in design and evaluation. AIDS and Behavior, 11(4), 505-

521.

•May additionally accrue benefits for the user

Research Questions•Initially interested in coming out narratives

•Discrete events vs. processes

•Examining processes through the lens of a

particular behavior

•Focus on initial online dating experiences

the intersection of identity formation/Internet

Research Questions

How has the internet shaped various

processes of identity formation among

YMSM?

•What are the reasons YMSM give for first using the

Internet to date?

•How do YMSM describe their first online dating

experiences?

•What feelings, if any, do they choose to voice in

recalling these initial experiences?

Methodology•Initial team coding

•Extracted portions of transcript referencing

“coming out” and initial online dating

experiences

•Recoded using open coding scheme

•Organized code structure by thematic

patterns

Descriptives

Age at First Use Years of Use

Mean 17.2 years old 4.9 years

Median17 years old 5 years

Range 12-22 years old <1-9 years

Findings

“Two Worlds”

It had come out that he was somebody very

uber Christian who couldn’t resolve sort of the

idea that he was gay with the rest of his life.…

and at that point, I was just about ready to

come out myself, and I wasn’t going to deal

with a sort of, a third hidden world. I was

dealing with my own at the time, and two

worlds was enough.

-Ryan, 23, white, HIV-, In a relationship

Coming Out

•Central vs. minimized

•Intersections with initiation of online dating?

•Distinct events

•Integral to the process

•Internet as a hindrance

From Looking….

•“A safe way to explore”

•Avoiding others’ expectations

•Anonymity

•Giving false information

Ethan, 24, white, HIV+, single

And I was really confused….when I lived in

Oregon, I had no friends whatsoever. So, I

spent a lot of time online. I started doing

some research. You know, I realized that

maybe I really was into guys. And, you know,

started to hang out in chat rooms.

….To Touching.•Online dating facilitated formative romantic and sexual

experiences

I know there was a point, and it definitely happened

gradually….I was moving from, “hey, I’m just kind of

dabbling in these sexual experiences” to “yeah, I am

seeking them out.” One is I’m testing the waters and

the other is I’m actually swimming.

Winston, 21, African American,

HIV-, single

Exploring sexual desire

•“articulating desire”

•“showcasing my body”

•“getting attention”

•niche sites

Ryan, 23, white, HIV-, in a

relationshipBut at 18, I had just moved to campus. I had started to

question my sexual urges. And I needed – it basically

created a safe way to explore that world without having

to expose myself. I had a single room with an internet

connection. And within a few well-placed Google

searches, I suddenly had access to other people that I

can chat with anonymously, and sort of articulate and

express ideas and desires that I would never be able to

do in a social setting.

Learning to Navigate

•Characterizing others

“creepy people” abound

Older men

“just for hookups”

“people lie”

Hard to find “decent, quality” people

•Testing Assertiveness

Ignoring advances

“caving in” and “getting used”

Reasons for Getting Online

•Logistics

•Access/Exposure

•Emotional and coping response

Giving Context

•Participants often painted a vivid picture of their life

experiences at the time they began going online to

date

•Transitions

•Family/peer/academic environment

•From “the usual teenage angst and woe” to

reparation therapy

Feelings about first online

experiences•Confusion

•Guilt/shame

•Terror at “in your face” sex

•Escape/Relief

•Excitement

•Increased confidence

•Acceptance/affirmation

Caleb, 22, White, HIV-, single

“So, the only thing I knew about, I guess, about being

—I don’t want to say about being gay, but the only

thing I knew was relationships. I didn’t know what

hookups were quite yet. Like, I didn’t know that

people just hooked up. I always thought that you

went on dates and you met people and you dated

people. So, I wasn’t aware of that. So I didn’t like

that people were just messaging me for sex. And, you

know, I was trying to have conversations with them

and they would ask me, you know, “how big are

you?”…”Do you want to come over?”…I was like “I

don’t even know you.”

John, 20, White/Hispanic, HIV-,

singleIt’s just like as far as, you know, my parents met

in person. Like most of my relatives who are

together met in person. And the idea of digitally

consummating something into a physical

relationship is a really, like, I guess, scary, like,

you know. Like taking the digital in this really

vast unknown. And then making something

that’s supposed to be really meaningful and

physical. Like, it’s scary.

Matthew, 22, White, HIV-, single

I lived in rural Montana, so it was really the only

way of actually finding other gay people that

lived around….It [the Internet} was really easy to

search. You could plug in, like, the search

criteria, and you could ocme up with four or five

gay boys your own age in, like, a 60 mile radius.

And that was very exciting because I didn’t feel

so alone.

Patterns of Use

•Not out or living in a non-accepting

environment Get online to find sexual partners

Often begins to foster self-acceptance

•Out

different expectations for potential online

experience

interested in friendships and romance

shocked by the highly sexualized environment

Conclusions

Benefits/Risks of Online Dating

Experiences Among YMSM•Participation as young people in the rituals of sex

and dating

•Simultaneously being socialized in an adult world

with real risks and consequences

•Identity rehearsal

Accessing the Positive

•Increased media literacy

•Development of sex-positive, relationship-positive

sites

•Working at all levels to promote equality