On Saturday 5th May, INVERURIE

Events/Promotions present ABBA

REBORN, Tickets costing £15 can

be had from

Also on Sat 5th May in the main

bar we will have JET playing as

well..

On Sunday 6th May Callum will be

entertaining you in the hall from 3 till

6pm.

Decoration Fund

Our Line Dancing group asked if

their weekly donations could be

invested in a Decoration fund.

We will be starting with the Family

Room and our building convener

has been asked to get quotes for

this decoration.

Annual General Meeting

The committee elected at our AGM

ISSUE NO. 287 MAY 2018

Hopeville Social Club

34 Harlaw Road, Inverurie

Tel: 01467 621478

www.hopeville-social-club.co.uk

Coming Shortly to serve the 2018/2019 year were as

follows:-

Chairman: Ian Pratt, Vice Chair: Irene

Strang, Secretary: Viv Craib, Treasurer:

Debbie Smith

Committee Members: Wattie Strachan,

Ron Killoh, Donald McDonald, Kathleen

McDonald, Bryan Gray, Nettie Gray,

Derek Ingram, Moira Ingram, Charlie,

Bell, Donna Bell, Ian Faskin, David

Alexander,

The following Conveners were also

elected by the committee:

Building: Ian Faskin & Charlie Bell.

Entertainment: Ron Killoh

Sport: Wattie Strachan

Membership Fees for 2019 will remain at

£30,Full Member, £20, OAP, and £10 for

over 75.

Late Fee Payments

Anyone paying their membership fees

after 31/01/2019 will have to pay a late

payment fee.

HOPEVILLE ENTERTAINMENT

Page 2 Issue 287

MAY

SAT 5TH - ABBA RE-BORN

ABBA TRIBUTE BAND Main Hall

JET WILL BE PLAYING IN THE BAR

SUN 6TH - CALLUM 3 TILL 6PM IN HALL

SAT 12TH - SHINDIG

SAT 19TH - DOUBLE TROUBLE

SAT 26TH - COUNTRY EDITION

JUNE

SAT 2ND - ZIGGY & TONI

SAT 9TH - RED ROCK HIGHWAY

Page 3

L E T ’S H A V E A L A U G H - T H A N K S T O R I C H A R D

Issue 287

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room waiting for the doctor to come.

Finally, the doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.

"Breast-fed," she replied.

"Well! We'll have to check you out. Alright then, strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered.

She undressed and the doctor began his exam.

He pinched her nipples, then pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a detailed examination. He frowned, then continued squeezing and pressing for a few more minutes.

Motioning to her to get dressed, he said,

"No wonder this baby is underweight - you don't have any milk!"

"I know," she said. "I'm his Grandma, but I'm certainly glad I came." A very cranky woman was arrested for shoplifting at a grocery store. She gave everyone a hard time. She complained and criticized everything and everyone throughout the process. When she appeared before the judge, the judge asked her what she had stolen from the store. The lady defiantly replied, "Just a stupid can of peaches." The judge then asked why she had done it. She replied, "I was hungry and forgot to bring any cash to the

store." The judge asked how many peaches were in the can. She replied in a nasty tone, "Nine! But why do you care about that?" "Well, ma'am, because I'm going to give you nine days in jail -- one day for each peach." As the judge was about to drop his gavel, the lady's long-suffering husband raised his hand slowly and asked if he might speak. The judge said, "Yes sir, what do you have to add?" The husband said meekly, "Your Honour, she also stole two cans of peas." Three contractors are bidding to refurbish the fence at10 Downing street. One is from Birmingham, another is from Liverpool, and the third is some bloke from London.

All three go with a Downing Street official to examine the fence. The Brummie contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will run to about £900. £400 for materials, £400 for labour, and £100 profit for me."

The Scouse contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for £700. £300 for materials, £200 for labour, and £200 profit for me."

The bloke from London doesn't bother to measure or figure, but leans over to the Downing Street official and whispers, "£2,700."

The official, incredulous, says,

"You didn't even measure like the others! How did you come up with such a high figure?"

The bloke whispers back, £1000 for me, £1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Liverpool to do the job."

"Done!" replies the government official..... And that is how Carillion was born.....

Two Arab mothers are sitting in a cafe shop in Baghdad, chatting over a pint of warm goat's milk. The older of the mothers pulls her bag out and starts flipping through pictures and they start reminiscing. "This is my oldest son Mohammed. He's 24 years old;" Yes, I remember him as a baby" says the other mother cheerfully. "He's a martyr now though" Mum confides. "a suicide bomber " Oh, so sad dear" says the other. "And this is my second son Khalid. He's 21" Oh, I remember him," says the other happily, "he had such curly hair when he was born". "He's a martyr too" says Mum quietly. "a car bomber" "Oh gracious me", says the other." And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed. He's 18", she whispers. "Yes" says the friend enthusiastically, "I remember when he first started school". He's a martyr also, "says Mum, with tears in her eyes." After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully and says... "They blow up so fast, don't they?"................

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MAY CROSSWORD Return your entry to Ian Pratt before 31/05/2018. All correct entries will go into a draw.

The winner will receive a bottle of spirits

Page 4 Issue 287

ACROSS 1 Do away with (7) 4 Futile (8) 7 Wheel spindle (4) 8 Contempt (5) 9 Emancipate (8) 10 Moist (4) 11 Know-how (7) 14 Tendency (5) 16 Previous (5) 17 Skin complaint (4) 19 Factory siren (6) 20 Skilled story-teller (9) 22 Mouth-watering (9) 23 Zeal (6) 26 School subject (5) 28 Site of the meridian in London (9) 30 Chewing gum flavour (9) 32 Brief, curt (5) 34 Stopped (6) 35 Table napkin (9)

37 Thin pasta (9) 39 Wooden stacking frame (6) 40 Certain (4) 41 Supple (5) 43 Convincing evidence (5) 45 Cowboy hat (7) 47 Corrosion (4) 48 Molten-metal container (8) 49 Blacksmith's block (5) 50 Breaking waves (4) 51 Mercy (8) 52 Have a disagreement (4,3) DOWN 1 Large snow-slide (9) 2 Nearby (5) 3 Convenient (5) 4 Assistant (6) 5 Part of an atom (8) 6 Shiny fabric (5) 12 Cheeky (8) 13 Rip (4) 15 Sherlock Holmes' hat (11)

16 Fragrance (7) 18 Fireplace (6) 21 Larger (6) 24 Purpose, reason (5) 25 Famous yacht race (8,3) 27 Picture (5) 29 Aboriginal (6) 30 Mariner (6) 31 List (7) 33 Hard-hearted (8) 36 Waiter, steward (9) 38 Game's interval (4-4) 39 Nuisance (4) 42 Religious crime (6) 44 Of the country (5) 45 Personnel (5) 46 Strong cloth (5)

Page 5 Issue 287

APRIL SOLUTION ACROSS: 1. Village, 4. Test match, 8. Apprentice, 9. Tackle, 10. Lawn, 12. Alibi, 14. Speech, 16. Mysterious, 17. Rostrum, 19. Haste, 21. Canon, 22. Grown-up, 24. Evade, 26. Swear, 27. Choir, 28. Opulent, 31. Roomy, 32. Terms, 33. Denmark, 36. Rottweiler, 37. Starve, 39. Rival, 41. Clip, 42. Breeze, 43. Attractive, 44. Hurriedly, 45. Trolley. DOWN: 1. Vocalist, 2. Lupin, 3. Garnish, 4. Total, 5. The Times, 6. Alice, 7. Hideous, 11. Weekend, 12. Ammeter, 13. Horseman, 15. Carnivorous, 18. Miner, 19. Hypermarket, 20. Expertly, 21. Crescent, 23. Obese, 25. Concrete, 26. Squad, 29. Numeral, 30. Control, 34. Decrease, 35. Jeopardy, 36. Rubbish, 37. Shatter, 38. Tenor, 40. Array, 41. Civil.

The following people submitted correct entries: Helen McHardy, Aileen Philip, Lorna Cruickshank, Bruce Middleton, Norma Gerrard, Sandy Mel-drum, John Forbes, Wendy McDonald, John Murray, Bob Durno, Mary Durno, George Findlay, M Paterson, George Kilgour, Ron Watson, Freda Edmond, Linda Cook, D Taylor, George Taylor, Stuart Watson, Eric Mackie, Kathleen Reid, Derek Ingram, Moira Ingram, Davy Pirrie, Leith Rob-ertson, Tom Anthony, Margaret Telfer, W Sandison, Alistair Smith, Edith Smith, W Reid, Gordon Taylor, Allan Clark, Gibby Sutherland, Margaret Hepburn, Alistair Brown, Linda Webb, Peter Grant, Mike Charlish, Sheila Knox, Isabel Gordon, Norman Howitt, Derek Walker, Jim Barrie, ,

All the correct entries were entered into a draw and the lucky winner was, George Kilgour,

Congratulations George, collect your prize from the bar.

7 6

7

9 4 1 2 8

4 2

4 1 3

3 2 9 8

5 9

9 5 2 4

3 6 4 7

SUDOKU

Nithing much tae spick aboot is month

This month’s Malt of the month is Aberlour £2.40

Hopeville House Double Whisky £2.80

Sports Results Fae Wattie

Hopeville Ladies Section

May 8th 7.30 pm: Bingo:

Sing along with Roy Rhodes

Tea & Raffle Bring a friend

HOPEVILLE SOCIAL CLUB

DAYTIME MENU from 12 — 4pm

Soup with Bread or Oatcakes…... £3.00

Breakfast Roll (3 items Bacon, Sausage, Egg, Black Pudding)………………. £3.00

Sandwiches, Brown/White Bread..£3.00

Baked Tattie………………………….£4.50

Fillings :- Chicken Mayo, Tuna Mayo, Cheese/Pickle, Ham, Egg Mayo and Beans

Chips…………………….…….…. £2.00 Chips & Cheese ………………….£2.50

Chips & Gravy ……………………£3.00 Chips, Cheese & Gravy ………...£3.00 Egg & Chips …………………......£3.00

Sausage, Beans & Chips.….…….£5.50

Macaroni Cheese ...……..…….….£5.50

Chicken Fillets…………………….£6.50

Scampi... ………………………….£6.50

Served with Veg, Chips or Potatoes

HOPEVILLE SOCIAL CLUB

EVENING SUPPER MENU 4.30 - 8PM

Soup of the Day…………………………... £3.50

Pate with Oatcakes ……………….……..£3.50

Breaded Mozzarella Sticks.…………….£3.50

Homemade Mince Pie……………………£7.50

Meatloaf withSalad or Gravy &Skirlie . .£7.00

Breaded Scampi ………………………….£7.50

Macaroni Cheese………………………….£7.00

Cold Gammon Salad……………………..£7.00

Burger with Cheese + Onion Rings…...£7.00

Homemade Chicken Fillets & Dips……£7.50

Beef Curry with Rice…………………….£7.50

Mains served with Veg or Salad, Chips or

Potatoes

Trifle……………………………………….£3.50

Fruit Crumble…………………………….£3.50

Raspberry Pavlova………………….…..£3.50

Knicker Bocker Glory…………………..£3.50

Served with Cream, Ice Cream or Custard

Kitchen Opening Hours Friday, Saturday & Sunday

12 - 8PM