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Communicating across Cultures
January 2014Gabrielle K. Gabrielli, Ph.D.
Purpose
The purpose of this training is to provide:Tools and information to help you be a
more effective and efficient communicator
Ground Rules
1. Turn any cell phones or anything else thatmakes sound to the off or silent position.
2. Be on time including from breaks.3. Listen actively.4. Keep an open mind.5. Be respectful to everyone; don’t interrupt.6. If you break any rules, you sing.
Objectives
Further develop communication skills. Explain the importance of connecting with people
instead of just communicating. Discuss strategies to help you be even more
effective in serving others.
AgendaTuesday 28 January 2014
1300 Welcome, Ground Rules, Objectives, Introductions, Agenda
1315 Recap - Discussion of Application of Skills including Use of Job Aids
1345 Everyone Communicates, Few Connect: What the Most EffectivePeople Do Differently
Role Playing ScenariosActivities
1600 CALM Model of Conflict ResolutionRole Playing ScenariosActivities
1700 Adjourn
Recap
• What did you learn last class?• Is there anything you applied on the job that
you learned?• Did you complete your job aids?
Everyone Communicates, FewConnect: What the Most
Effective People Do Differently
Research Says....
Communication-Connect Message
Every communication is an opportunityfor a powerful connection. Developingyour ability to connect with others:1. Creates better relationships2. Reduces conflict3. Increases accomplishments4. Effectively conveys ideas5. Attracts followers
Communication Through the Years
Central Truths
1. If you want to succeed, you must learn howto connect with others.
2. High achievers care about people, viewsubordinates optimistically, seek advicefrom subordinates, and listen well toeveryone.
3. Maturity is the ability to see and act onbehalf of others.
4. We remember 85% to 90% of what we see;less than 15% of what we hear.
Central Truths
5. Connecting always requires energy; mustintentionally and willingly connect withothers. This requires initiative (go first);clarity (prepared); patience (slow down);selflessness (give); and stamina (recharge).
6. If you are responsible for leading people orcommunicating with others, it is especiallyvital for you to find ways to recharge.
Central Truths
7. A bad beginning makes a bad ending(Euripides).
8. People connect with stories, not statistics.9. It is the job of a leader to bring clarity to a
subject, not complexity.10.Three words are essential to connect with
others: brevity, levity, and repetition.
Central Truths
11.Leadership is about inspiring people todo things they never thought they could.(Steve Jobs)
12.The mediocre teacher tells, the goodteacher explains, and the great teacherdemonstrates.
13.Vision without passion is a picturewithout possibilities.
Central Truths
14.People ask three questions about theirleaders: Do they care for me? Can theyhelp me? Can I trust them?
15.Preparation yields confidence andpassion yields conviction.
Connecting increases your influence in every situation.Successful U.S. Presidents exhibit 5 qualities:1. Vision2. Pragmatism3. Consensus Building4. Charisma5. Trustworthiness
4 of the 5 skills to being asuccessful leader have todo with connecting.
Connecting Principles #1 INFLUENCE
Activity
• Discuss:– What influence means to you– How you’d most like to influence others
including in your workplace, community, andfamily
Most people who disconnect aren’t aware.
Connecting Signals
Extra Effortpeople go the extra
mile
UnsolicitedAppreciation
people say positivethings
UnguardedOpenness
people demonstratetrust
IncreasedCommunication
people expressthemselves more
readily
EnjoyableExperiencespeople feel good
about what they aredoing
EmotionalBondednesspeople display aconnection on anemotional level
UnconditionalLove
people are acceptingwithout reservation
Growing Synergypeople’s effectivenessis greater than the sum
of the contributions
Positive Energypeople’s emotional
“batteries” arecharged by being
together
Connecting Principle #1 INFLUENCE
Jay Hall, Ph.D., Teleometrics,conducted a study on the performanceof 16,000 executives.
CONCLUSION: direct correlationbetween achievement and the ability tocare for and connect with people.
“Leadership is not about titles, positions or flowcharts. It is about one life influencing another.” John C. Maxwell
Connecting Principle #1 INFLUENCEConnecting Principle #1 INFLUENCE
HIGH ACHIEVERS LOW ACHIEVERSAVERAGEACHIEVERS
Care about peopleas well as profits
Viewsubordinatesoptimistically
Seek advicefrom thoseunder them
Actively listen
Concentrate onproduction
Focus more ontheir own status
Reluctant to seekadvice from those
under them
Listen only tosuperiors
Preoccupiedwith their own
security
Show a basicdistrust of
subordinates
Do not seekadvice
Avoidcommunication and
rely on policymanuals
Connecting Principle #1 INFLUENCEConnecting Principle #1 INFLUENCE
Modes of Listening
• Combative listening takes place when welisten only to look for flaws in the otherperson’s point of view.
• Passive listening takes place when we trulytry to hear the other person’s point of view.However, with passive listening, we do notyet provide feedback to verify whether wehave understood.
• Active listening takes place when weprovide feedback to verify whether or not wehave understood the sender.
Listening Actively
• Listen with your ears, your eyes, and your heart toconcentrate on what the person is saying and toempathize.
• Pay attention to speaker’s facial expressions andother nonverbal cues for insight into the message.
• Listen without interruption. Note key phrases anddocument the information that the interviewee says.
• Provide feedback checks to the speaker. Restate,paraphrase, or ask questions of the interviewee toconfirm that you received the message as intended.
Activity
• Pick who will be the speaker first and whowill be the listener first.
• Discuss whatever is on your mind for 2minutes.
• Switch roles.
Examining Body Languageand Behavioral Cues
• Observe what message your body languageconveys:– facial expressions or gestures– shifts in eye contact– crossed arms or legs– placement of feet– excessive sweating
• Be aware of nonverbal messages you send.
Connecting is all about OTHERS and not ourselves.Why do we focus on ourselves and not others?1. ImmaturityMaturity is the ability to see and act on behalf of others2.Ego3.Failure to value everyone
3 Connecting Questions:1.Do you CARE for me?2.Can you HELP me?3.Can I TRUST you?
Connecting Principle #2 OTHERS
Connecting goes beyond words.3 components to face-to-face communication
How others believe what we say when we communicate:
>90% of the impression that we often conveyhas nothing to do with what we actually say!
Connecting Principle #3 COMMUNICATION
WORDS TONE OF VOICE BODY LANGUAGE
Connecting Principle
• Connecting Goes Beyond Words
3 Components to Communication
Connecting Principle #3 COMMUNICATION
Communication Breakdowns
Connecting Principle #3 COMMUNICATION
Breakdown Thought – knowing Emo4on – feeling Ac4on -‐ doing
Dispassionate I know this I do not feel this
Theore4cal I know this I do not do this
Unfounded I do not know this I feel this
Hypocri4cal I feel this I do not do this
Presumptuous I do not know this I do this
Mechanical I do not feel this I do this
Action – something we do; connectingvisually; what people see
Thought – something we know; connectingintellectually; what people understand
Emotion – something we feel; connectingemotionally; what people feel
Connecting Principle #3 COMMUNICATION
Connecting always requires ENERGY.4 Unpardonable sins of a communicator:
3 of the 4 require a lot of effort and energyConnecting requires:1. Initiative – go first!2.Clarity – prepare3.Patience – slow down4.Selflessness – give5.Stamina – recharge
Connecting Principle #4 ENERGY
Unprepared Uncommitted Uninteresting Uncomfortable
Connecting is more SKILL than natural talent.
Connecting Principle #5 SKILL
Connectors connect on common ground.
Barriers to finding common ground:
Connecting Practice #1 COMMON GROUND
Assumption Arrogance
IndifferenceControl
Connecting Practice
Connectors connect on common ground.
Choices to finding common ground:
Connecting Practice #1 COMMON GROUND
Availability Listening
Questions Thoughtfulness
Openness Likeability
Humility Adaptability
Connectors do the difficult work of keeping it SIMPLE.4 components to connect through communication
Connecting Practice #2 Simplicity
Humor Heart Hope Help
Three S Art of Simplicity1.Talk to people, not above them.2.Get to the point.3.Say it over and over and overagain.4.Say it clearly.5.Say less.
Create an EXPERIENCE everyone enjoys.
How to be interesting:1.Take responsibility for your listeners.2.Communicate in their world.3.Capture people’s attention from the start.4.Say it so it sticks.
Connecting Practice #3 EXPERIENCE
Connectors INSPIRE people.Inspiration Equation
Connecting Practice #4 INSPIRE
CREDIBILITY is the currency that connectors have.
Credibility Checklist
1. Have I connected with myself?2. Have I made right my wrongs?3. Am I accountable?4. Do I lead like I live?5. Do I tell the truth?6. Am I vulnerable?7. Am I following the Golden Rule?8. Do I deliver results?
Connecting Practice #5 CREDIBILITY
Application of Concepts
• When communicating, find commonground, make communication simple,capture people’s interest, inspire others,and be real.
• When you communicate, you mustinclude: thought (something I know);emotion (something I feel); and action(something I do).
L.E.A.P.S.
• Listen• Empathize• Ask• Paraphrase• Summarize
Application of Concepts
• When communicating, attempt to connecton four levels: visually, intellectually,emotionally, and verbally.
Actionable Items
• Spend one minute answering thequestion, “What can I do today to applythe principles and practices discussed tostrategically position myself for success?”
How Do You CommunicateBad News?
Use The Sandwich Method
Communicating Bad News
1. Prepare for the communication.2. Compliment. Identify the positive.3. Coach. Present the facts with credibility.4. Encourage. Project a positive resolution
with efforts to resolve the issue.
Be calm, confident, and empathetic.
Role Play Scenario
Bill Smith is a long-time customer of TallahasseeState Bank who keeps a checking account and acredit card that he has had for the past 2 years.Since he always makes his credit card paymentsonline and on-time, Mr. Smith was surprised whenhe noticed that the interest rate on his credit cardwas raised 3 months ago from 12.9% to 16.9%without notice. As he enters the bank, Mr. Smith'sanger and frustration are obvious in his tone andattitude, and he is threatening to close his accounts.What is the best way to handle this situation?
